Chapter Text
\ Shinganshina District, 845 \
The day started and ended with a nightmare.
The first nightmare was not unlike the others which came before it. There was the white room, which by now was as familiar to me as my own. The floors, the walls, the ceiling, the table I was strapped to -- everything was white. When I first found myself strapped to the table, with the white-robed faceless people advancing on me, I struggled for what I believed was my life. My arms and legs kicked and jerked against the straps, which dug deep into my arms and would've surely left harsh red marks. I shrieked so loud I hurt my own ears, but these tactics did nothing to ward off the people. They pulled out their silver cutting utensils and ripped my clothes away, then cut into the uncovered flesh. My uncovered flesh. The first time, everything about it felt real, and yet the panic was so intense that the whole experience was a blur. Now, at the twentieth-something time, I felt nothing and only watched them with blank eyes. I observed everything, from how their tight pale skin stretched over their skulls to their lack of fingernails on their eager hands. I saw them cut into me, saw the blood welling up, then pouring out of me onto the spotless white floor, a flood of red. I could not sit my head up enough to see my own insides, but I knew the people were reaching in there by the strange tickling feeling in my abdomen. It was all so strangely normal by this point, now that I was aware it wasn't real. But perhaps there was a different terror in my being accustomed to it. I didn't like to think about it too much. In any case, the dream never lasted long. I would usually wake up before they began pulling out my organs, or sometimes I would go to another place. The other place was always different. I've never had another place repeat.
On this day, I went to a wooded area. I'd never been in a forest before, which was why I enjoyed walking around it at first. Part of what I liked about dreaming was that I always knew it was fake. That way, I could remove the fear from the intrigue. In these imagined woods, I kicked up dirt with my bare feet, rubbed thick clumps of it between my fingers, smelled the low-hanging leaves on the trees. I savored the complete silence of the moment, since in the real world there was never a quiet moment to be had. It didn't last long, though. The thing about the dreams is that they are impatient to get to the action. They want to lull me into a false sense of security before terrifying me I suppose, but it never works anymore. They still keep trying anyway. The moment I heard the sound of pounding footsteps, I quickly ducked behind a large tree and climbed up some of the lower branches. I was sufficiently hidden, but I only had a small view of what was going on. As I brushed a loose piece of bark from my foot, I saw a young woman running by, dressed in a green cloak. My blood went cold at the sight of it, realizing that she must be a Scout. It quickly became clear which direction this dream was heading in. Wrapping my arms tight around the tree, I tried to quiet my breathing as much as possible. She wasn't that smart from what I could see. She leaned against a nearby tree and vomited loudly onto the roots, and when she lifted her face I could see that it was streaked with tears and chunks of her last meal. The footsteps continued, and the closer they got, the harder the leaves on the trees seemed to shake.
The Scout let out a wail that seemed involuntary as her eyes darted around at all the trees. Her thoughts were as clear to me as her impending fate. Her body could no longer withstand all the running, and her only chance now was to hide. Unfortunately for her, she would only be able to hide within the branches of the trees as I was, and I doubted that she had the strength to do so. She finally took a few limping steps behind the tree, knowing well it wouldn't be enough. I gripped my tree tighter, feeling an intense blooming pain in my chest. My own father had been a Scout, traveling into dangerous woods like these. He was one of many who came home wrapped in a bloodied cloth. I closed my eyes as the footsteps stopped and the Scout screamed. Pleas to stop rang through the air, and though I pressed my forehead into the rough bark to try and block it out, I still heard every terrible crunch as giant teeth chomped into her body, devouring her bit by bit. It was more prolonged than I expected. A few moments passed, and everything was still and quiet again, yet I was still there. I opened my eyes, perplexed, only to see enormous feet pointed in my direction through the branches. I clamped my hand over my mouth, hoping they would remain motionless, but with a few shaking steps, they approached my tree. Fingertips much larger than the size of my head moved the branches aside, giving me a view of the most horrific thing I'd ever seen. It was a massive person, with dull thoughtless eyes and a cavernous mouth smeared with the blood of the poor Scout. The thing was so huge that it was hard to comprehend the size of it, and I suddenly felt a strange fizzing throughout my body. It was a kind of fear I had never before experienced; it was all-encompassing. I was completely powerless in the face of this beast. Very slowly, it leaned its massive head down to my face level, and to my horror, shot me a huge beaming smile. I squeaked and leaned away the best I could without falling from the branch I was perched on, but it wasn't far enough. The creature opened its mouth and did something I never thought it could do - in a low, gravely voice, it said my name to me.
"Y/n..."
My mouth dropped open and I seemed to lose control of my body. My previously tight grip on the tree slackened, and I was suddenly falling backwards, down, down, down, until finally I hit the ground with a sickening thud, though I felt nothing.
It was this that finally woke me. I sat forward suddenly, knocking my head on the low beam of the attic, where I slept. Cursing lowly under my breath, I rubbed my forehead in irritation and looked around the room. Canaan's bed across the room was empty, the blankets sloppily made as usual. For a moment, I sat in pure confusion, wondering why he hadn't waken me up. Yes, he was my brother and he loved me, but there was no way he would ever let me sleep in while he did our chores. Then suddenly I realized -- this was the day of my eleventh birthday. I snorted to myself, wondering how I could overlook such a thing. Of course, there hadn't been much excitement or anticipation for the event. It had been overshadowed by the death of our father a month prior. It felt impossible to enjoy the day without him, but I knew that my mother would be trying her best to make everything feel normal, so I resolved that I wouldn't disappoint her by having a sour mood. With my two pointer fingers, I pushed the corners of my mouth back into a smile and held it -- my father's favorite trick to do when I was pouting. This little act did make me feel a bit better, and so I got up and made my bed as usual, then pulled on my pale blue dress and slipped my feet into brown shoes. I winced slightly, attempting to wiggle my toes in the too-small shoes. Father had always been the one to make a living for the family, but now mother had to make the money doing the laundry and cleaning for people in the neighborhood. It wouldn't be enough to do it on her own, so Canaan and I often spent our days scrubbing clothes til our hands ached. So now my dress was slowly getting shorter and my shoes too small. But I would have to make do for as long as we could.
I lifted the hatch that served as our door and climbed down the ladder to the main floor of our house. It was a small, modest home, so we only had two rooms and the attic where Canaan and I slept. The other rooms were my parents' bedroom and the living area, with our kitchen and dining table. The second Canaan saw me coming down the ladder, he began hooting and cheering in the way that obnoxious older brothers do. I sometimes called him my big bother, which he always responded to by whacking my head. If someone didn't know us well, they would think that we hate each other, but it was quite the opposite.
"There's the birthday girl, at long last awake from her beauty sleep," my mother teased.
I grinned and ran up to hug her around the waist. Mother was a lovely plump woman with long brown hair and eyes that crinkled at the corner when she smiled, which was often. Even after losing our father, she still was always smiling for us. Mother ran her hand over my hair and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and hugged her tighter.
Canaan snorted and rose from the table where he was seated to come over and ruffle my hair, "More like her ugly sleep."
I pulled my head from Mother's embrace to stick my tongue out at him. Mother laughed and tugged on his cheek lightly.
"You kids... Be nice to each other. It's a special day for your sister, you know. You only get one eleventh birthday."
"I don't remember mine being that great."
Mother made a low humming noise and tilted her head. "Well then let's make this one good for the both of you, yes? I think you'll like what I have planned."
I felt my eyes widen as I looked at Canaan. He just shrugged in response. I hadn't expect Mother to have planned anything at all given our current financial situation. Mother seemed to think our confusion was funny, because she laughed a little under her breath.
"Instead of helping me with the laundry today, you kids get to go out and have fun! I've already talked with Karina's mother, and she gave her permission to spend the day in the market with you two!"
Canaan and I gasped and looked at each other, hardly believing our luck. Not only did we not have to do our work for the day, but we got to see our best friend, Karina Engel.
"Thanks mom! C'mon Y/n, let's go!" Canaan was already pulling on his boots and racing towards the door.
I quickly hugged Mother tight so that she'd see how much I appreciated the gesture. "Thanks so much!"
"Anything for my little girl," she said lovingly with a smile that made me feel precious.
"Y/n!" Canaan complained from halfway out the door.
I rolled my eyes at the impatience of my brother. "I'm coming, jeez... Bye mom!"
I headed out after Canaan as Mother waved with a smile on her face. It wasn't a far walk at all to Karina's, as she only lived down the street, but we were so excited that we still ran all the way there. We hadn't had much free time to see her since our father's death, and a month had felt like an eternity. Canaan had especially bemoaned not having any time to see her, despite her always having been closer with me. We had played together as infants, while Canaan as a toddler wanted nothing to do with us. As the years passed however, the interest between the two seemed to grow. I had the urge to tease him over his excitement, but we were running so fast that I didn't have the breath to spare.
Karina's house was slightly larger than ours, but otherwise was uniform with all the others on the street. Canaan knocked on the door loudly, and almost immediately it was opened by Karina's mother, Mrs. Engel. She was a tall, slim woman with a very pretty face that Karina fortunately resembled. Her father was not nearly as good-looking as Mrs. Engel. However, her beauty wasn't enough to hide the exhaustion that came with being the wife of a soldier, and the creases between her brows betrayed her worries.
"Hello kids," she smiled at us with closed eyes. "Happy birthday, Y/n! Karina should be along in a minute. Come in, come in. You kids look tired!"
We shuffled into the Engel home and sat at the dining table as Mrs Engel instructed us to while she went to fetch Karina. I wiped some of the hair away from my face and grinned at Canaan. Now that we were rested, now seemed the right time to embarrass him.
"Mrs. Engel is so nice, don't you think?" I asked him with an innocent smile.
Canaan seemed suspicious as he gave me the side-eye, but apparently didn't catch on. "Yeah, I guess."
I hummed in response, kicking my legs under the table. "That's good. It's better if you two get along so that when you marry Karina, she will be happy and give you blessings."
"What? Huh!" His brown eyes widened, giving me the response I was after: pure embarrassment. It was what he deserved for having a crush on my best friend, in my opinion.
Before he got the chance to really respond, Mrs. Engel returned to the room with Karina. The red on his face deepened when he saw her, making me giggle.
"Hey guys!" Karina gushed, visibly brimming with excitement. She was a very bubbly, excitable girl with the kind of charm that softened even the coldest person to her. Her being pretty certainly helped, as she had inherited her mother's lovely shade of golden blonde hair and amber-colored eyes. Her hair was something she was particularly proud of, as she had never had it cut once in her life, and as a result it reached the very end of her back when loose.
Upon seeing her, I felt my heart soar. She was like my own sister, and not having seen her since my father's funeral had hurt in a deep sense. We shared everything. I rose from my seat and practically flew to her, wrapping her in a tight embrace. She giggled and hugged me tighter. Mrs. Engel watched us with a smile while Canaan seemed glued to his chair, staring down at the table with a deeply-embarrassed expression. When we pulled apart after a few seconds, and Mrs. Engel cleared her throat. Karina's eyes widened.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, digging around in the brown satchel she carried over her shoulder. "Here!"
From the bag she produced a small package wrapped with scrap fabric. I smiled at the sight of it.
"For me?"
She snorted. "Duh. Don't be silly. It's your birthday gift!"
My heart softened even more somehow as I took the package in my hands.
"She made them herself," Mrs. Engel added with a proud expression.
Eagerly, I pulled open the fabric to reveal a pair of dark green wool gloves. I grinned as I ran a few fingers over them, feeling the material.
"They're amazing! Thank you so much!"
Karina blushed and looked down at her booted feet. "Of course, but it was really nothing."
"You kids better head out if you want to get to the market before things start selling!" Mrs. Engel said.
"Right!" Canaan suddenly stood up, apparently having composed himself. "We don't want to waste time on your day, Y/n."
I nodded and pulled on the gloves, wiggling my fingers. "Okay, let's go."
We said our goodbyes to Mrs. Engel and ran out to experience the bustling energy of the town that we hadn't seen for so long. There seemed to be so many people around us, all living their own individuals lives. It was a marvel to think about. There were so many strangers to me, and yet I felt a kinship to all we passed that made me feel warm inside. Karina chattered away more than usual, and Canaan nodded his head along to every word she said with a goofy grin on his lips. As we passed through the market, I eventually tuned them out to instead observe all the people around us. There were many interesting characters, from the little boys play-sword-fighting to the Garrison Regiment soldiers drinking at the gates. I thought I recognized Karina's father among the red-faced drunken men, but I didn't want to interrupt Canaan and Karina's conversation, and so I said nothing. I loved them both, but this was a phenomenon that occurred often since they had become interested in one another. Having been apart for so long, it was understandably multiplied, and I didn't really mind giving them room to be together. I figured they would get married eventually, so I may as well get used to being the third wheel. However, that didn't mean I wanted to spend my birthday trailing after them.
When we reached the booth of an apple salesman, I slipped away from the pair and blended in with the passing crowd. They didn't seem to immediately notice, and so I took that as a sign that I was in the clear. It was a bit of a relief to be alone with my thoughts, walking down the street as though I was an adult. Adulthood sometimes was like the gleaming prize at the end of a long road, and I liked to think about how I would be as a grown-up living in my own house. Maybe I could live in a home beside Canaan and Karina's so that we could all see each other often. They'd probably have a lot of children running around that I could help look after. Maybe I would have children and a husband of my own. It sounded lovely at first thought, but the longer I pondered, the more the horror of reality sunk in. I couldn't plan for anything of the like when Death was so unrelenting. How could I have a child knowing they could get sick and die? How could I marry knowing that my husband could be eaten by a huge monster? I couldn't even plan for Karina and Canaan's union, with life being what it was. I sighed, not enjoying the heavy place my thoughts had wandered to. For the moment, they were young and enamored with each other, and wasn't that enough? Still, I had made up my mind that I would never be the wife of a soldier. The possibility of having to bury only parts of my husband's body was too much to bear.
Suddenly however, a large jolt disturbed me as a person collided into my back. I murmured an ouch under my breath as I straightened and turned to view the person. It was a boy, though small and delicate like a girl. I concluded that he was around my age. He had a pretty shade of blond hair that framed his face and large blue eyes that looked into mine with more fear than was necessary. I wondered for a moment if I had ever seen him before, but quickly waved away the possibility. Even before my father's death had required us to stay in and work, I hadn't ventured into town often, instead preferring to stay in reading or playing make-believe with Karina.
As I gripped his arm to steady him and asked if he was okay, he at the same time blurted out an apology to me in a quiet, squeaky voice. We looked at each other for a moment, both embarrassed by the continuing awkwardness of our meeting. I opened my mouth again to say something, but over his shoulder I saw three boys running towards us with angered expressions. I didn't know any of these boys, yet I immediately knew that the three approaching were up to no good, while the one before me looked like a terrified mouse. The look of fear on his face filled me with an unfamiliar anger that heated my body from head to toe. I had never encountered bullies before, but I was sure that the right thing to do was defend this poor boy.
They stopped before us, though they hardly seemed to notice my presence at all. They had one target in mind, and that was clearly this boy. The one in the middle was the biggest and seemingly the ringleader.
"Hey Armin," he sneered at the boy, saying the name as though it were an insult.
The boy panted slightly, looking to me, to the boys, and down the street with a panicked expression.
"Le- le-. Leave me alone," He frowned, apparently trying to look tough, though it was as intimidating as a puppy's bark.
The boys laughed at him, and the big one mocked the stutter. My heart broke for the boy, and I stepped further to get the boys to notice me.
"Hey!" I yelled, trying to make my voice sound like my mother's when she fussed at one of us. "You leave him alone!"
This had no effect. In fact, it seemed to make the bullies laugh harder.
"What's this, Armin? Have to get your girlfriend to fight for you? Why are you so lame?" The big one spat, reaching forward to shove Armin to the dirt on the last word.
That was enough for me. In a single moment, it was like an intense heat ripped through my body, and I moved without thinking to punch the big bully in the middle of his face. As I he reeled back and gripped his face however, it was like I came back into myself and realized that I messed up big time. I was only a small girl facing off against three seemingly older bullies, and that one punch made my hand ache already. The bully growled like some kind of creature and started towards me. I stepped back, holding my fists weakly in front of me, but then one of the bullies spotted something I did as well: a small black-haired girl coming at them, running insanely fast.
"Shit! It's Mikasa! Run!" one of the sidekicks yelled.
And just like that, they completely forgot about me, turning tail and running off in the opposite direction. Still, I was deeply embarrassed by what I had done and was suddenly overcome with the urge to go home and hug my mother. Though I'd encountered all kinds of horrors in my dream worlds, this was perhaps the scariest thing I'd ever experienced while awake. I looked at the boy, who was still sitting on the ground where he was shoved. He looked up at me with eyes full of such admiration, it made me conflicted on how to feel about my actions. I couldn't stomach the thought of hearing him thank me, so I did the cowardly thing -- I quietly said goodbye to the boy and ran past the other kids who had scared off the bullies, in the direction I had come from. I couldn't stop scolding myself and wondering what father would think of me using violence to solve my problems. Mother always fussed at Canaan and I when we would start smacking each other. And anyways, it hadn't even really solved the problem. If that other girl hadn't shown up, I could've really been hurt.
I continued on the reverse of the path I'd taken to get there, looking downcast at the street in shame. Once I reached the market, I knew I was close, but someone snatched me by my arm, causing me to shout in surprise. For a moment I thought the bully had caught me, but then I looked up to see it was only my big bother, looking very angry. There had only been a few times in life when I'd seen him with his brows furrowed deeply like that. Karina, who was beside him, looked distraught and had tears pricking her eyes. Immediately guilt flooded me for leaving them so thoughtlessly earlier. Of course they would notice I was missing and grow worried. At the time I hadn't thought about it, but it seemed so obvious now.
"Y/n L/n! What in the hell do you think you're doing, walking off like that?" Canaan yelled at me, catching the attention of a few people walking by.
"We were so worried about you," Karina said with a small sniffle.
I looked down at my feet, feeling intense shame. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you guys."
"Sorry my ass! You clearly aren't responsible enough to handle being out in town, so we're going home and you're going to explain to Mom why we're back so early!"
I sighed. It sounded fair, so I made no move to complain. "Okay. But I really am sorry. Just please Karina, could you come with us? I have missed you. And I'd like for us to hang out."
Karina of course would have agreed in a second, but under the circumstances she first looked to Canaan with her large puppy dog eyes. He sighed and seemed to soften slightly.
"Alright, let's go then."
The walk home wasn't really that long, but it felt like an eternity with Canaan being upset. He only really got this angry with me when I did stupid things that could get me hurt, because as he'd always remind me, it was his job as my big brother to watch out for me. Sometimes I disagreed and would point out that he's only two years older than me, but in this particular situation I had no complaints to voice. I knew what I had done was reckless.
When we walked in the door, Mother greeted us from the washing tub in the corner. She seemed surprised to see us home so early, but upon seeing our glum faces she immediately picked up that something had happened.
"Hello dears. Karina, lovely to see you. Why are you back so early?" She untied her apron and tugged down her sleeves, then sat at the kitchen table. We all followed suit.
"We were having a great time at the market, until Y/n snuck off and gave me a heart attack," Canaan said with an eye roll.
Something about the shock on mother's face when she heard that struck a competitive flame in me, and I frowned.
"I didn't 'sneak off'. You two were just so engrossed in each other that you didn't notice me leaving!"
Karina's face tinged pink. "Oh, Y/n, I'm sorry! We didn't mean to cut you out! Especially not on your birthday!"
Canaan had a different reaction, snorting at my comment. "Yeah, sure. Because you totally couldn't have joined the conversation instead of being off in your own fantasy land."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I yelled.
"Children!" Mother interrupted us, standing up. "That's enough! I don't want to hear any more of this. Now we're going to have a nice, peaceful rest of the day where everyone is nice to each other. Got it?"
"Yes," Canaan and I murmured glumly and sat back in our chairs, while Karina said it with a cheery smile.
As it turned out, the rest of the day would not be peaceful. From outside there was a loud boom, like an explosion, followed by the loudest cracking I'd ever heard. We all exchanged confused glances until suddenly, shrieks could be heard mingling with the loud cracks. The color drained from mother's face in a way I hadn't seen since we were informed of father's death, leaving her with a ghostly pallor. She rushed to the door and outside, and after looking at one another, the three of us ran after her. Standing in front of our house, we witnessed something that I may have dreamed of, but never would've seen it happening in real life. All around us, houses crumbled from being struck by large flying chunks of rock. People, our neighbors, ran wildly in the streets, screaming and dragging their children behind them. A few cried beside the crushed bodies of their loved ones, those unfortunate enough to be struck by the flying rubble. Looming over the wall, the harbinger of the destruction could be seen, something unlike any books about titans had ever reported. It was huge, likely over fifty meters high considering it could be seen over the wall. Its skin was like bright red muscle stretched over white bone, and steam came emerging from the body in huge billowing clouds.
Beside me, I heard Karina scream. Canaan grabbed her to support her from falling, and I felt mother grip my shoulders tightly. I couldn't yet make sense of what I was seeing, but I knew that it was bad. Bad enough that all of us could be in Death's grip at that very moment. With this thought, I felt my breath stop. We were so tiny and helpless in comparison to this monster that it seemed like a child's fantasy to hope that we'd make it out alive. I thought I heard Canaan asking what we should do, and mother responding, but my thoughts would not process their words properly. The piercing screams of those around me dying horribly seemed to be burning from the inside, and I could not focus on anything else. The next thing I knew, we were moving, Canaan carrying a passed-out Karina in his arms, and mother dragging me along as we all ran for our lives. The screams wedged themselves in my ears and would not pass, and for some reason, I suddenly recalled how when I was a little girl, Canaan once teased me for crying over a crushed bug we had happened upon in the corner of the attic. We ran by houses that were demolished, blood-splattered rocks, body parts laying in the street that had been severed by giant teeth. It was hard for me to realize that this was not one of my dreams, but reality. There was so much despair in the air that it was hard to breathe. We passed a man screaming as a titan shoved him into its mouth. Karina, now awake, sobbed into her hands at the sight and buried her head in Canaan's chest. I looked at my brother's face and saw a desire to protect that made me feel just the slightest bit better.
Suddenly, Karina spoke to my mother: "Do you think that my mom has made it to the boats?"
I knew then that something was going to happen. We were still running, and my poor mother hesitated before answering, probably deliberating whether or not Karina could handle the likely truth. She seemed to decide on no, but too late.
"I'm sure she's already on the way there, Sweetie. She's probably already waiting for you, so we have to hurry."
Karina did not believe the lie. "It's not true! You're lying to me! My mother has been eaten!"
She wiggled free from a surprised Canaan's arms and collapsed to the ground in a heap, but she quickly stood and looked around. We all stopped, trying to predict what she was going to do. A difficult task, since even Karina didn't seem to know.
"I have to go home. I have to find my mom," she declared, and tried to run off in the direction of her house, the opposite way of where we had run from.
Luckily, Canaan caught her by the arm before she could really run, though she struggled wildly. I stood to the side, horrified with a sinking feeling coming over me. I was sure that at any minute, a titan was going to come out of nowhere and crunch us all to bits in its mouth. Mother stood in front of Karina, trying to soothe her, but she only continued to scream about how she needed to find her mother. Canaan tried to drag her so that we could keep moving, but it was already too late for us. A titan came from the side, walking towards us with huge bulging eyes, it was remarkably slow, yet so big that it didn't matter. I grabbed mother's sleeve, but she only frowned and seemed lost in her own thoughts. Finally, she slapped Karina across the face, shocking her into silence. She helped Canaan scoop her into his arms, then pushed us behind her with a protective expression.
"Mom, what are we gonna do? Can we outrun it?" Canaan asked in a whisper, as though the slightest noise would make the beast go faster.
Mother did not respond, and so we all understood the answer. No, we could not outrun it. Our chances were slim after all the running we had already done, and with Canaan carrying Karina he would surely be slowed down. It was as though I could see her thoughts projected before us.
"Mom, please no," I whispered in the same fashion as Canaan.
The titan continued. She did not respond again for a moment, until she said the words that none of us wanted to hear.
"You'll have to run without me. Canaan, you know the way don't you? You'll need to get your sister and Karina there for me, okay? Can you do that?"
Tears ran down his face, and he nodded, making my heart feel as though it had burst. I didn't understand how he could agree to such a horrible thing as leaving our mother behind to die, but somehow he had.
"Mom, no, we aren't going without you? Right Canaan?"
It had already been decided. Mother walked towards the titan, further and further away from us. Further away from being in our lives, from her own life. Canaan looked at me with an expression I had never seen and could not point down.
"Y/n, come on."
Tears were falling freely from my face. I was in so much pain that I wondered how I could still be alive with such a broken heart.
"But-- We can't, Canaan! We can't leave--"
"Y/n!" he yelled at me in a tone he'd never used before. It was harsh, unforgiving, unsympathetic. And then, in a much softer tone, with a downcast tone, "Just come on, okay?"
I knew in my shattered heart what I had to do, so I nodded at my big brother, who was soon to be my only family in this world. We ran, Canaan carrying a numb-faced Karina, me looking over my shoulder at the frame of my brave, loving mother, who stood before the titan with no fear. As the titan was only a few feet away from her, I faced forward and did not look back again. Perhaps if I didn't see anything, then I could picture her as living. Perhaps, she could escape somehow, or a soldier would come in and save her at the last second. Perhaps she would find a way, just as the three of us found a way to stumble to the boats, where we were shoved forward by the crowd and lifted aboard by tense soldiers. I wanted to yell at them to go back and save my mother, but I discovered that my lips could not move. Once aboard the ship, the three of us huddled together knowing it was a real possibility that we were all each of us had. I held onto my big brother and my best friend, but the tears would not come. My body had endured so much pain that I thought perhaps it had simply shut down on me.
The boat peeled away from the shore once full, but those desperate still attempted to throw themselves onto it, perhaps preferring the possibility of drowning over the possibility of being eaten alive. I watched the crowds of people get smaller and smaller along with the landscape of my homeland until finally, I closed my eyes, hoping to escape to a nightmare where the pain was only a numb senstation rather than raw and scraping.
17.7 pages, 6270 words