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It all happened so fast.
Zack was trailing after his teachers into town, his cloak flapping behind him. But suddenly a cart appeared out of nowhere, barrelling towards them. He and Penelope got out of the way in time. Sally wasn’t so lucky.
He rushes up to her, Penelope right ahead of him. “Redford? Redford, talk to me.”
Sally’s only replies are pained groans. Pained groans that get weaker and weaker. There is blood splattered everywhere, limbs bent in directions they shouldn’t be. Zack retches, staring. Something twinges in him. “She’s gonna die.” He mumbles. He can feel it, some kind of awful instinct. This isn’t a survivable injury.
He isn’t sure what makes him do it. Shock? Pity? Love? But before Penelope can reply to his terrified muttering, he unbuckles his cloak and places his hands on Sally.
He is consumed by warmth. It wraps around him, shrinking the world to just him and the injuries in front of him. Injuries that knit together, twist back, heal under the golden magic that he can produce so easily. He feels so giddy, almost giggly.
A hand on his shoulder yanks him back. Ice covers him as he is pulled straight out of that golden bubble, by a Penelope who looks… odd. Wide eyed, very pale? He has never seen her like that before.
“You… you…”
Zack shrinks. He scrambles to put his cape on, hands shaking. The seriousness of what he just did catches up to him, hitting him harder than the cart that hit his teacher. “I’m sorry! She was gonna die, I could feel it, I didn’t want her to… I just…” He stutters, pleading.
Penelope clears her throat and wipes her eyes. Then she glares down at him. “We will come to visit tomorrow. Go home.”
“I-“
“Go. Home.”
Zack scrambles to his feet and runs home, tripping a few times in his panic and distress. Tears come to his eyes, tears which he can’t blink away. He healed someone. That’s even worse than healing himself, because using magic on someone is one of the most evil things that you can do. He’s evil. A horrible, wicked mage. How could he do this?
Sally would have died if you hadn’t. The voice in his head sounds a little like his mother, a little like this father. He pushes it away. Sally said that it doesn’t matter. Magically healing someone to save their life is as wicked as using magic to kill them. He doesn’t understand why. But that doesn’t matter. His teachers are good, and he is bad, so they are right, and he is wrong.
He slams open the door. His dad watches him run past and stops him. “Zack, buddy! What’s wrong?”
Zack stops and turns around. Arms wrapped around himself, tears filling his eyes, he must look a pitiful sight. He doesn’t deserve pity. “I’m bad.” Evil. Wicked. His parents are so kind, it’s like they don’t care about that. Or they don’t understand.
“What? Oh no, sweetheart, you’re not. You’re not. Come here.” His dad opens his arms for a hug. Zack starts forward, wanting to collapse in his father’s arms and sob. Wanting to take the offered comfort, because he wants it so badly. So desperately.
He can’t. He backs away, shaking his head. “No, I don’t deserve it.”
Are tears shining in his dad’s eyes now? Zack feels guilty. He ruins everything. His parents don’t deserve such a horrible child.
His dad rushes forward and scoops him into a hug. He holds him gently, rocking him back and forwards like he did when Zack was little. Before they found out his true nature. “Oh, Zack.” His dad’s voice breaks. “Of course you deserve this.”
Tears run down Zack’s face. He can’t relax into the hug, so he just stands stiffly. He wants so badly to just relax and accept it. But he knows better than that.
Eventually, his dad releases him. Ruffles his hair, and looks at him with pained eyes that hurt Zack. Zack hates himself for all of the pain that he has caused his parents. “You wanna go do something?”
“No thank you. I want to go upstairs.” Zack draws away. Pushes away the offered affection. He wants it so badly.
“Ok, that’s fine.” Another hair ruffle. “I love you, Zack. You know that, right?”
“I love you too.” Zack knows that his parents love him. He just isn’t sure if he deserves it.
———
Sally and Penelope do come the next day, sending his dad out with his little brothers. So they are alone with him. That’s a bad sign, it’s always worse when they make sure that his parents aren’t around to hear him.
He sits on his bed, hugging himself tightly. They come into his room, and shut the door. Sally looks fine, absolutely fine. He sees a bit of a limp, a few surface injuries. He wasn’t finished before Penelope pulled him away. But she is ok, and that makes him feel a bit better. He can feel a tug to heal the remaining injuries. He ignores that urge.
“How could you?”
Sally is usually light, friendly, soft. Even when berating him, even when hurting him. But now? Now, she sounds angry and cold and terrifying. He flinches back. “Don’t you dare run away from me! I asked you a question, how could you do this to me?! You used magic on me, you wicked little brat!”
Zack flinches. He stutters as he tries to explain. “You were gonna die, I could feel it. I can feel when someone can’t survive. I didn’t want you to die.”
“And so you used magic on me.” Her voice makes him shiver.
“Yeah. I’m, um, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, teacher.” He bows his head. “I know that I’m bad. I know that I’m disgusting. I know that I deserve to be… deserve to be…” He trails.
She yanks him to his feet, then sends him to the floor with a stinging blow. “Get up!” He scrambles to follow her orders, shaking. “Lie down on your stomach. You’re a disgusting, wicked, unnatural little mage, but you’re right about one thing. You deserve this.”
———
Zack hides underneath his bed. The fresh iron burns on his back rub against the floor, hurting. But lying on his stomach makes him scared for another blow. So he lies on his back, wiping his face and resisting the urge to heal the accompanying bruises.
It hurts. It all hurts, and he is so scared. So upset. But he can’t complain.
You deserve this.