Work Text:
“THE MURDER SQUASH SONG”
SQUASH ONE, SQUASH TWO, SQUASH THREE, SQUASH FOUR -
Pick up your baseball bat - Thwack! Whack! C’mon, more!
Craniums, watermelons, pumpkins, and gourds:
All of them SMASH when you throw ‘em on the floor!SQUASH FIVE, SQUASH SIX, SQUASH SEVEN, SQUASH EIGHT!
Is it cantaloupe or brains all scooped out on your plate?
There’s nothing quite so smashing as a good and thorough thrashing, so -
Lay ‘em out! Crush a head! It’s not murder ‘til they’re DEAD!SQUASH EIGHT, SQUASH SEVEN, SQUASH SIX, SQUASH FIVE -
Nothing’s quite so boring as a person who’s alive!
Everyone likes party games, so hang piñatas – spill their brains!
Jack be noble, grab a stick; it’s a party, make ‘em sick!SQUASH FOUR, SQUASH THREE, SQUASH TWO, SQUASH ONE!
Balloons popping; bodies dropping; have you ever had such fun?
Bang, squish, crack, crunch – squeeze some eyeballs in the punch!
Don’t get woozy, nothing’s wrong! It’s all part of the Murder Squash Song!
UPDATE:
The Murder Squash Song now has an (equally painful) remix!
Listen here: