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DI Yasmin Khan unlocked the door to her eighth floor flat and went inside, breathing a sigh of relief as she kicked off her shoes and hung up her jacket in the hallway. She continued down the hall to her kitchen, and beyond that to her table for six. She dropped the chips she’d picked up on the way home onto the table and sat down, taking in her view of the Sheffield skyline from the floor-to-ceiling windows as she ate. Her flat was roomy, an open plan with plenty of seating so she could have her family and friends over. Because she had friends now, and not just from work. Thanks to the group Graham had started, she now had plenty of friends who actually knew what it was like, being with the Doctor. Most of them, like her, worked secretly for UNIT in addition to whatever they did for their regular jobs, unless UNIT was their regular job. With so many things they could only discuss with each other, they got together as often as they could. Many of them had never known Yaz’s Doctor, of course, but they still understood TARDIS life.
None of them had quite had an experience like Yaz’s, though. None of them had flown the TARDIS, and none of them seemed to have known the Doctor quite as intimately as she had. None of them had loved the Doctor as she did, though Martha admitted to having been infatuated with hers. Yaz didn’t talk about her feelings for the Doctor, though. She had talked to Dan about it in the early days, when she was still finding her way, learning to live again without the Doctor. But when Dan began suggesting Yaz consider seeing someone new, she had stopped talking about it. Several years had passed since she’d been back home. She should be over the Doctor by now, but her feelings would not budge. She liked to think she’d made a little progress. She had come out to her family and friends; to everyone she knew, really. It wasn’t a secret anymore, and that felt good. She wasn’t sure she’d ever have gotten here without the Doctor. But when she tried browsing profiles on a dating app, she’d scrolled right past every promising young woman feeling nothing but disappointment.
They weren’t the Doctor. Nobody was. And it wouldn’t be fair to date one person while thinking of another, constantly comparing each of her prospects to someone she would never measure up to.
Nobody was the Doctor, her Doctor, anymore. Kate knew who the Doctor was now. She could arrange a meeting if Yaz requested it, but she would not, and the Doctor hadn’t either. Some days Yaz saw this as a kindness. Things couldn’t be the same between them, and it was best that Yaz focus on her new, post-Doctor life. Meeting the Doctor again could be painful, as those who had done it had already told her, though none of them regretted doing it. She liked to think of her Doctor as the real Doctor, the best Doctor, and it was easier to do that when she had never seen any other Doctor.
Other days she felt hurt that the Doctor wasn’t dying to see her again. Yaz had refused to say goodbye, partly because she knew the Doctor didn’t like goodbyes but also because she preferred to leave the door open. She had half-expected the TARDIS to come back at any moment with a brand new Doctor stepping out, outwardly different but still the same inside, eager to continue their adventures.
But days had passed, and then weeks, and Yaz had known it was time to get on with her life, using everything the Doctor had taught her to become even better than she would have been otherwise. She had a lifetime’s worth of beautiful memories, a heart full of love, and so much experience that rising through the ranks of Sheffield Hallamshire Police had been the easiest thing she’d ever done. Now she had everything 19-year-old Yaz had dreamed of – everything, that was, until a certain alien had crashed into her life and made her want so much more.
Still, she often woke up in the night, thinking she’d heard the sound of the TARDIS in the distance, and found herself stumbling onto the balcony in her pyjamas, looking in every direction only to see the city sleeping beneath her, nothing out of place. Then she’d slouch back to bed, her heart sinking.
Did she really even want the Doctor to come back for her? Every time she pictured it, she imagined a blonde woman in a trench coat bouncing out of the TARDIS, talking 99 miles per hour. But that wasn’t who she would see, not now. Her Doctor had essentially died, her spirit living on in a stranger’s body. She understood, both from what the Doctor had told her and from what she’d learned talking to the others, that it wasn’t just the body that would be different. The Doctor now would move differently, talk differently, even think a bit differently. The Doctor would never be the one she fell for ever again.
When Yaz finished eating, she made a cup of tea and walked onto her balcony to drink it. She had a brilliant view of Sheffield from here, and she liked looking out at her city, her home, and thinking of the crimes she had solved, the wrongs she had righted. At the end of the day she tried not to think too much about the new crimes that were undoubtedly being committed, or the ones she was still working on solving. Instead she thought of the families that were safe in their homes because of criminals that Yaz and the officers she supervised had taken off the streets. She liked to believe she was making her home a better place, bit by bit. Kate had offered Yaz a full-time job at UNIT in London, but Yaz had turned it down. What was the point of being home again if she couldn’t be near her family, near everything she knew and loved? Besides, Sheffield was where she had met the Doctor. Instead she did freelance, informing UNIT of any alien activity she encountered in Yorkshire – and now that she knew what to look for, that wasn’t such an unusual occurrence.
With her mug drained and the sun going down, Yaz went inside to the spare bedroom she used as a study and sat down at her desk to write up a report on her laptop. She typed a single sentence and then, unable to resist any longer, paused to touch a spot on her left shoulder.
“Hello, Yaz,” said the Doctor.
“Hey Doctor,” Yaz replied nonchalantly, not looking up, although she could see the glow of the hologram out of the corner of her eye.
“Are you in immediate distress?” the Doctor asked in concern, as she always did. Yaz knew holograms didn’t have feelings, and yet this one did such a great job of expressing feelings exactly the way the Doctor would. Her Doctor.
“Nope. Just got home from work.”
“Ah, brilliant! How was your day?”
“It was good. I solved another case.”
“You’re good at that! Was it the murder case? That one’s been bugging me.”
“Yep. It was his boss.”
“No!”
“Yes! Apparently she’d been planning it for years.”
“Why didn’t she just fire him if she hated him that much?”
“No idea. We think he might have had something on her, but one thing I’m finding with murder cases is that they usually don’t make sense.” She finally looked up, making eye contact with the hologram. “I suppose that’s because killing another person never really makes sense.”
“Not unless you have no other options to protect yourself or others,” the Doctor agreed.
Yaz looked back down at her laptop, a troubling thought working its way through her brain, not for the first time. “I should have killed the Master.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
“It was the only option I had to protect you. He couldn’t be contained.”
“You didn’t know that. You didn’t know what he was going to do.”
“Yes I did. He told us. I should have believed him.”
“I couldn’t have let you keep travelling with me if you killed someone unnecessarily.”
“Would you really have chucked me out of the TARDIS?” Yaz met the Doctor’s eyes again, and she saw uncertainty in them.
“No,” the Doctor admitted in a low voice. “But how would you have felt about yourself? If you’d taken a life, not knowing UNIT’s plan wouldn’t have worked?”
Yaz looked down again, sighing. She wouldn’t have seen the Master’s death as any great loss, even without knowing what she knew now. He wanted to kill the Doctor, and that was enough for her. But knowing she’d disappointed the Doctor would be hard to bear, and the truth was that to this day she had never single-handedly taken a life (other than that Cyberman she had shot, but she didn’t think that counted since the human part was already dead). She didn’t know how she would feel about it, but she knew the Doctor had done it many times and carried a great burden from it, a burden she didn’t want Yaz to share.
Still. Now that she knew, the desire to go back and end the Master before he could end her Doctor flared up in her off and on. There was nothing she could do now, of course, but she still thought about it.
“Anyway, I didn’t die,” the Doctor reasoned. “You told me I was already starting to regenerate when I left you.”
“Yes. You’re still out there. Kate sees you now and then. She says you’ve regenerated more than once since I last saw you.”
“So there you go! My life didn’t need saving!”
“But you’re not the same anymore, and you’ve never come back for me.”
“Look how well you’re doing, though! Detective Inspector, and with such a nice flat! I love the flat. I love the view. Didn’t you tell me there’s a pool in the building?”
“Yes…”
“Do you ever swim in it? I love a pool.”
“It’s smaller than the TARDIS pool, but yes, I swim in it sometimes.”
“When are you going to take me to see it?” That was the thing about this particular hologram: although all the knowledge it came with was what the Doctor had accumulated throughout her lifetimes up to the point when she had implanted the chip in Yaz’s shoulder, it remembered everything Yaz told it. And somehow, it seemed to have retained the Doctor’s innate curiosity. Sometimes, Yaz wondered if it was possible for it to get bored.
“I can’t take you to see the pool,” she said. “Anyone in the building can use it. How would I look talking to a hologram at the pool?”
“You could take me when no one else is there.”
“And if someone comes in?”
“Turn me off before they see me.”
“Sounds risky. I don’t want to have to explain you to anyone. It was bad enough telling my family I’d been travelling with an alien.”
“What about the garden, then? The picnic tables? You made everything sound so lovely.”
“It is lovely. It’s expensive,” Yaz admitted. “But I can only talk to you in private. I haven’t even told my friends I still talk to you.”
The Doctor was quiet for a minute. “Do you think you’ll ever stop?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I should. But I don’t want to.” She looked up at the Doctor, tears blurring her vision. “Do you think I should stop?”
The hologram flickered slightly. “I think you should only stop if you want to,” the AI Doctor said gently. “I made this to save your life, but it wasn’t the only thing I was thinking of when I gave it to you. I was afraid that I might die, and I knew it would be very hard for you to live without me. That hologram I gave you before the Angels took me wasn’t much, but it seemed to help you get through a few years without me. I hoped this could get you through the rest of your life, if you needed it to.”
“Sonya and Ryan worry about me being alone. They think I should meet someone.” Her eyes fell on the picture framed on her desk of Sonya, Ryan, and their two small children, her beloved niece and nephew. As annoyed as she had been when Sonya and Ryan had started dating while she was away with the Doctor, she had to admit it was nice having Ryan and Graham as literal family. And she loved being an aunt.
“Do you think you should meet someone?” the Doctor asked.
“I think if I did, she wouldn’t like me talking to you so much,” Yaz admitted.
“You’ll know when you’re ready. Don’t let anyone else tell you what to do.”
“And if I’m never ready?” She met the Doctor’s eyes again, searching. This was her fear: that if she lived out the rest of her life alone in this flat, clinging to the ghost of a lost love (in a fairly literal way), that she would die feeling like a failure. And yet, she couldn’t let go. She didn’t want to.
“It’s your life, Yaz,” the Doctor said gently. “No one else can tell you how to live it.”
“I’m not ready to let you go yet,” Yaz said firmly.
“Well then. That settles it.” The Doctor smiled. “I’ll always be here when you need me.”
“I know you will.” She turned back to her laptop and finished typing her report. When she was done, she got up and walked to her bedroom, the hologram following.
“Yaz,” the Doctor said tentatively. “Are you happy?”
Yaz stopped in her tracks. Nobody had asked her that before. “In some ways, yes,” she said. “I love my job. I love mentoring the probationary officers who remind me of myself when I was younger. I love being around my family so much, and I have so much fun with my friends, friends I would never have met without you. Even my family wouldn’t be the same without you, because Sonya would never have married Ryan. My life is richer and fuller than it ever was before I met you, and I’m very proud of the person I’ve become. I think…I think I’m happier now than I was then. And I was happy enough then.”
“But?”
She turned to face the Doctor. “But I still love you, and you’re not really here, and you’re never going to be here again.” Tears slipped from her eyes. “And it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt.”
“Oh, Yaz. Please don’t cry. You know I never know what to do when you cry,” the Doctor said awkwardly, her hands fluttering in the air as if she were moving to pull Yaz into a hug but then remembered she couldn’t.
“I can’t help it,” Yaz said, sinking down onto the edge of her bed and grabbing a tissue from a box. “I keep waiting for it to fade, but I never love you any less. I’m not sure I ever will. It never faded when we were separated before, even that time I was stuck in the early twentieth century for nearly four years.”
“My records indicate I love you too,” said the Doctor. “Very much. So much it scares me, it seems.”
“So why didn’t you ever tell me that in person?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t think,” Yaz said, blowing her nose into the tissue, “that was something that could have been avoided.”
“No, maybe not,” the Doctor admitted. “But you told me we didn’t say goodbye. Maybe I will come back?”
“No, it’s been ages for you and you’ve never come back. You’re never even at UNIT at the same time as me. You don’t love me anymore.”
“Of course I still love you, Yaz. Don’t be daft.”
“How do you know? You don’t have any data about yourself after the day you gave me this implant. The day I lost you.”
“I know,” the Doctor told her, “because I’ve never stopped loving anybody before, and believe me, you aren’t going to be the exception.”
Yaz fell quiet for a moment. She knew the Doctor had lived for thousands of years. Did that mean she would love Yaz for thousands more years?
“But I’ve talked to the others,” she said stubbornly. “You never come back for anyone after they’ve stopped travelling with you. If you run into them, it’s always by accident.”
“You’re right. If I am able to return someone safely, I find it best to let them live out their lives without further disruption, however much I might miss them.” The Doctor cleared her throat. “There’s never been anyone like you before, though. Anything is possible.”
More tears fell, and Yaz wiped at them angrily, sniffling. She really hadn’t intended to turn into a blubbering mess tonight. “If you don’t come back, how long do you think it will take for me to be…over you?”
“Well, when I lost my wife River, I grieved for many years. I retired from being the Doctor and lived on a cloud for a while. Then someone convinced me to be the Doctor again, and centuries later, I unexpectedly ran into River, and we spent one last night together, a night that lasted twenty-four years. Then I started grieving all over again, and it went on for decades. That time I didn’t live on a cloud, but I became a professor and kept Missy in a box. That was the Master when he was a woman. I was trying to turn her good, but it didn’t work.”
“So the mourning process took decades? How many?”
“Not sure. I lost count. Maybe seven?”
Yaz deflated. “I won’t be alive in seven decades.”
“Perhaps it won’t take so long for you. Humans have such short lifespans! You have to do everything in a hurry.”
Yaz sighed heavily and flopped back onto the bed. The flat had come furnished, with the double sized bed, but no one had ever joined her here. She supposed, though, that if she was a success in every area of her life except for the part where she was in love with a hologram instead of another person, then she really didn’t have any reason to think of herself as a failure.
“I was able to love again,” the Doctor said tentatively. “I fell for you.”
“Yeah, after you had centuries to mourn your wife, you were able to feel love again but not act on it. Not the best example, Doctor.”
“Do you want to love again?” the Doctor asked. “I’ll admit, I didn’t. It was just impossible not to love you.”
Yaz swallowed. There it was, the question everyone should be asking her. “No. I don’t. I don’t think I can, and I don’t want to. I just wish I could…hold you. Kiss you. Do all the things we never quite did.” She looked at the Doctor and finally put words to something she had known for years. “I want you to be my wife.”
The Doctor looked at her with pained eyes. “Oh, Yaz. I wanted you to be mine too. I might have even asked you to be, if I’d thought I had more time. I knew I didn’t, though. Time herself had warned me. I hoped she was wrong, but…deep down, I knew she wasn’t.” She furrowed her brow thoughtfully. “Well, she. It. They? I never got around to asking their pronouns.”
Yaz frowned. “Does Time even have preferred pronouns?”
“Well, you never know until you ask, do you?”
Yaz smiled. The Doctor was the Doctor, even as a hologram.
“It was still worth it, wasn’t it?” the Doctor asked uncertainly. “Travelling with me? That’s the thing I always worry about, you know. It’s part of the reason I’m afraid of seeing my old friends again. I never know if I’ve made their lives better or worse. And I can see I’ve caused you a lot of pain.”
“No denying that,” mumbled Yaz, but then she sat up. “Doctor, of course it was worth it. I think everyone who’s ever travelled with you would say the same, but none could mean it more than me. The pain is only there because I lost the most amazing person I’ve ever known. But all the joy you brought me over the years is still there too, so many wonderful memories. And you taught me so much. I’m a better person now than I would be if I hadn’t had all that time with you. I’m positive of that.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Look at all the ways my life has changed since I met you. I was 19 and stuck so far in the closet, I could practically see Narnia. I wouldn’t even admit it to myself, let alone my loved ones, and I’m not sure I ever would have if I hadn’t had the amazing experience of falling in love with you. That part of me isn’t locked away sleeping anymore. You woke it up, and now it’s such a big part of my identity, even though I’m not dating anyone, that I couldn’t possibly keep it a secret anymore. And telling people, letting them know the real me, has been so freeing. I know people love me for who I am now, not who they think I am. More importantly, I finally love myself for who I am. That’s one of the gifts you gave me: the gift of finding myself.”
“Well, that’s pretty important,” the Doctor said with an encouraging smile.
“I told you before that a few years before I met you, I went through a really dark time and considered suicide, and I’m so glad I didn’t do it, because the best part of my life was still coming. You always say the dark times never last, and you’re right. I remind myself of that whenever I’m having a hard time. Wonderful things are still coming, perhaps unimaginably wonderful things, even when it feels impossible to ever be happy again. That’s why I always keep going, even when my heart is broken.”
“That’s good too,” agreed the Doctor. “I’m so glad you decided to stay alive. I can’t imagine if I’d never met you. You changed me too Yaz, more than you’ll ever understand. And we can’t have a universe with no Yaz!”
Yaz smiled. “You are the universe, Doctor.” She looked around at a picture on her nightstand, from the first meeting their little group had ever had. “I also have loads of friends now, wonderful kind people who understand my weird stories and have quite a few weird stories of their own. I didn’t have many friends before I met you, Doctor. You brought me and Ryan and Graham together, and then later Dan too, and they’re the best friends I could have asked for. But then you were gone, and I still made new friends thanks to you. Now I have Martha and Ace and Tegan and Jo and Ian and Bill…”
“Wait, Bill?”
“Yes, Bill.”
“But Bill died. The Master turned her into a Cyberman.”
“And then Heather brought her back. The power of love, Doctor. Another thing you taught me. Heather comes to a lot of our outings. She’s not exactly human anymore, but…she’s brilliant, and so’s Bill. And their cats are so cute. I went from having hardly any friends to this vibrant social life with all these deep, meaningful friendships. You brought us all together, Doctor. And Graham is seeing Ace now, Ryan and Sonya are married, Dan’s married Di…Dan already knew Di, of course, but you saved her, and him. You bring people together, Doctor, even when you’re not here. That’s what you do.”
The Doctor grinned, looking genuinely touched. “Now that is something to be proud of.”
“You’ve inspired us all to be better people. We all want to be the best of humanity, to make you proud whether you can see us or not. To make the Earth better. Because you save the Earth from the big alien threats, but we’re the ones who have to save it from…well, ourselves. And that’s what we’re all trying to do.”
“I’m so proud of the lot of you,” the Doctor said, puffing out her chest. “But you, Yaz, have always been the best of humanity. I don’t mean one of the best. I mean the very best. You’re my very favourite human.”
“I thought you didn’t pick favourites.”
“Of course I do. I just can’t tell anyone, except my favourite.”
Yaz beamed. “Thanks, Doctor. I think you’re the best alien.”
“I know.”
“All right, you don’t have to be cocky about it.”
“You said ages ago I was the best person you’d ever met! Which might be the nicest thing anyone's ever told me.”
“It’s still true. Which is why I’m still single.”
“You’re a strong, independent woman.”
“With a hologram.” Yaz stretched and stood up. “The weather’s supposed to be nice this weekend. Would you like to go somewhere fun? Weston Park maybe? We can go early, before other people start showing up.”
“Oh, I’d love to!”
“It’s a date, then.”
Yaz went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, deactivating the hologram for now. She actually had two holograms of the Doctor; she also still liked to play the adaptive hologram the Doctor had snuck into her pocket so many years ago. It seemed silly, as it was so short and most of the message outdated, but it was an actual recording of the Doctor, not just an interface. And when she made the recording, the Doctor had been talking to Yaz, who had been just in the next room. The hologram never failed to make Yaz laugh, and then cry. She could feel it so strongly every time: the comfort of the Doctor always being there, within the sound of her voice. The knowledge the Doctor would always come running to her when she called. The reassurance that even when they were separated, the Doctor was always thinking of Yaz, always missing her.
Was that still true?
She reactivated the AI hologram when she got into bed, curling up on one side with the other side empty as always.
“Doctor, will you tell me a story until I fall asleep?” she murmured.
“Always! Have I told you about the Green Death yet?”
Yaz smiled. “Jo has, but I’d love to hear it from your point of view.”
The Doctor began telling the story, and Yaz closed her eyes and let the comforting sound of her voice wrap around her like a warm blanket while she drifted off to sleep.
***
When Yaz woke, her bedside clock read 3:13. It was happening again: she’d dreamt about the TARDIS, had imagined the sound of it so realistically that she had woken with her heart pounding.
Except this time she still heard it, faintly but getting louder. She sat up and glanced around in the darkness. The hologram was gone, as usual. It always deactivated when she fell asleep, unless there was danger, which there never really was anymore.
She knew it couldn’t be real. She knew it. And even if it were real, who would she see? But her heart would not stop pounding, and so she threw back her covers, put her feet into her slippers, and dashed down the hallway and out onto the balcony.
There it was, in the gardens that surrounded her building: the little blue flashing light, far below her. She saw the TARDIS door open and a tiny figure emerge in a dark coat.
“Doctor?” she called, with no regard for her sleeping neighbours.
“Yaz!” The voice that called back was familiar, so familiar she thought her pounding heart would stop right in her chest. “Don’t move! I’m coming up!” She ran back into the TARDIS, and with a wheezing of its engines, it began to dematerialize.
“No, wait!” Yaz called, but it was already gone.
Then she heard the wheezing again, much closer. It sounded like it was just beneath her. She leaned breathlessly over the railing as she heard the door open and that sweet, beloved voice saying “Yaz?” in a concerned tone.
“I’m up here, Doctor!” Yaz called, still not sure if she was dreaming.
A blonde head poked over the railing of the balcony just below hers and looked up at her. “Oh, off by one floor! Don’t move, I’ll be right there!” And just like that she vanished again with a groaning of engines.
But then they started right back up again, and this time the sound was right beside Yaz, blowing her hair away from her face. She shivered a bit in the night air, heart in her throat as she watched the blue box she knew so well appearing before her eyes.
And then the Doctor bounded out, her Doctor, her hair and clothes a bit dishevelled. “Yaz!” she shouted, running the few steps towards her and sweeping her into her arms in the tightest hug Yaz had ever felt.
And then she knew it was real, for Yaz had dreamed countless times of holding the Doctor in her arms, and it had never felt as real as this. No dream ever could. She wrapped her arms tightly around the Doctor’s familiar body, noticing that she fit just as perfectly as she always had, and held her tight, eyes squeezed shut even as they filled with tears. She did not understand what was happening, how this could be possible; she only knew that she was not letting go again.
After what seemed like several minutes, the Doctor pulled back and looked at Yaz, holding onto her arms. She looked exactly as Yaz remembered her: same height, same eyes, same hair, same clothes except for her coat looking inside out. But she was a bit of a mess, her hair unbrushed and her clothes looking like she’d just tossed them on in the dark, as though she’d just been through battle. “Oh, you’re just as beautiful as I remembered,” she breathed, looking Yaz up and down. “It feels like an eternity since I last saw you, but holding you makes it feel like no time has passed at all.”
“Doctor, what’s happening? The last time I saw you, you were going off on your own to regenerate.”
“Yes, and so I did. And have done a few more times since then, most recently just now.”
“Just now?”
“Well, just a little bit ago, yes. I’m still…fizzing a bit. Well, a lot. I might need a nap soon, actually.”
“But…what happened? How did you get this face again?”
“Ah. Well, this happened to me once before. Right after I last saw you, actually. I regenerated, but the face I got wasn’t new. It was just like one I’d had before. So I knew…I knew I had to check on one of my old friends from when I had that face before. And now it’s happened again…now this face is back, which I think is actually my very favourite. It’s cute, isn’t it?” She smiled brightly.
Yaz laughed. “Very.”
“So I knew it was time. To come back…to come back for you.” She stumbled a little, and Yaz caught her.
“Doctor, are you all right?” Yaz asked.
“I will be. I’m just still settling, like the night you met me. I’m excited to have this brilliant face again. I’m excited to see you. Because I remembered, we never said goodbye.”
Yaz’s heart sank. “So that’s why you’ve come? To say goodbye?”
The Doctor’s eyes widened. “No, of course not! I’ve come to ask you to run away with me again. And to do something I really, really wanted to do before, but I wasn’t quite brave enough then…so much has happened, and I promise I’ll tell you all about it, but first…if you still want…”
Her eyes stared intently into Yaz’s, flickering down to her lips, and Yaz let the Doctor slide back into her arms, melting into the kiss as their lips finally met. After all those years of stubbornly remaining on her own, she realised she’d been waiting for this very moment, without even knowing it would come. And it was well worth the wait.
“I thought…I thought we weren’t going to do that,” Yaz murmured when they had finally pulled apart. “Something about time always running out and all that.”
“It does run out, but sometimes it comes back again,” the Doctor said. “And a wise person once told me that happy ever after doesn’t mean forever. It just means time.” She smiled at Yaz, that very smile Yaz had fallen in love with, and Yaz’s heart melted. “I think I finally understand what she meant. I’ve got a whole new lease on life now, and I’d really like to spend it with you, if you’ll have me.”
Yaz swallowed. “I won’t have anyone else, so I suppose I’d better have you.”
The Doctor grinned, losing her balance again and holding tight to Yaz. “I don’t suppose I could have a kip on your sofa before we run away together?”
Yaz laughed. “Come on in.”
The Doctor looked around with her characteristic curiosity. “Nice flat,” she said. “Amazing views.” She stopped dead in her tracks. “And your sofas are purple! I love them!”
“I thought of you when I bought the covers. But…there’s a really comfy bed down the hall.”
“Oh, that sounds even better.”
Yaz linked her arm with the Doctor’s and led her down the hallway, letting the Doctor lean on her. She almost expected to find the hologram standing faithfully by her bed, but no. She had no need to activate it now, not with the real Doctor here. She was still struggling a bit to believe this was real, but all the evidence pointed to this not being her imagination at all. So she helped the Doctor out of her coat and boots and settled her on the side of the bed no one had ever slept in, covering her gently with the blankets.
“I’ve got so much to tell you, Yaz,” she said sleepily as Yaz slid under the covers on the other side.
“Tomorrow. Get your post-regeneration nap.” She kissed the Doctor gently on the lips, sensing that she was already starting to fade.
“I love you,” the Doctor whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
“It’s okay. I knew.” Yaz slipped her arms around the Doctor and held her close. “I love you too.”
***
Yaz didn’t sleep any more that night, but that was okay. She was happier just watching the Doctor sleep, her skin glowing with regeneration energy, just like the last time Yaz had seen her. But this time, it didn’t mean the end; it meant a new beginning, as she settled back into this body, reconstructing the face Yaz saw so often in her dreams. Yaz revelled in the feeling of the Doctor’s warmth in her arms, tracing her perfect jawline and combing through soft hair with her fingers, kissing her face as gently as she could so as not to wake her. No, she would not be letting go of her, not ever again.
She reluctantly got up when the sun rose, realising her bed had never felt this warm before. Somehow, without needing to be told, she knew she would never sleep alone again. She dressed, digging in her wardrobe for the most practical all-terrain wear she had. Then she did her hair and makeup in front of the mirror, wanting to look as nice for the Doctor as she could. She did not, after all, know how many years had passed for the Doctor, but she was sure it had been much longer for her than it had for Yaz, maybe even centuries. And yet, she had still come back here.
She heard the Doctor stirring and turned from the mirror. “Hey,” she said. “Are you hungry?”
“Starved.” The Doctor rubbed her face and sat up, staring wide-eyed at Yaz. “So it wasn’t a dream!”
“I know, I’m a bit surprised too,” Yaz laughed. “Cup of tea and a fried egg sandwich sound good?”
“It sounds perfect.”
The Doctor emerged from the bedroom, her clothes now neatly arranged and her hair combed, while Yaz was cooking breakfast. She’d definitely gotten a new coat. This one was almost like the old one, but it was blue on the outside and grey on the inside instead of the other way around.
“You really do have nice views here,” she said, peering out of the windows.
“Yeah, that’s why I picked it. It’s not as nice as the views you used to show me, but it’s the best I could get in Sheffield.” She put a sandwich and a mug of tea on the table, and the Doctor sat down to eat. “How did you find me here, anyway?” Yaz asked as she went back for her own breakfast.
“Did you think I hadn’t been keeping tabs on you from afar, DI Khan?” The Doctor grinned. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you.” Yaz sat down across from the Doctor, her smile slipping a little. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, Yaz. So much.”
“Why didn’t you come back sooner?”
“I needed to let you live your life on Earth while you could. Let you see what you could do on your own. And anyway, I wasn’t…I wasn’t who you wanted me to be.”
“You never gave me the chance to know any other yous.”
“No, but this is the me that fits best with you.” She looked out the window again. “Have you enjoyed it, your time back on Earth?”
“I have, aside from missing you so much. Although I kept activating that hologram so I could talk to you again.”
“Ah. I wondered if you would.”
“Were you hoping I would?”
“I think so, yes. But I would have understood if you didn’t.” She looked back at Yaz and smiled. “So you’ve done a lot of the things you always wanted to do? Before you met me?”
“Yeah, I have. Lots of promotions. Finally got my own flat. Lots of friends, too.” She met the Doctor’s eyes. “Basically, everything but the one thing I want most.”
“What’s that?”
“You, genius.”
“Ah, yes! Well that’s good, because I’m not sure you’ll be coming back this time. I mean, to visit, yes. And if you want to come back, any time you ask, then of course. But with you knowing how to pilot the TARDIS and everything, I just figured…maybe this time, we could be partners. You know, permanently.” She flashed a big smile, scrunching her nose up in the same adorable way she always used to do. “The Doctor and Yaz, together in the TARDIS again, just how it should be. Only this time with kissing!”
“You mean you won’t leave me? Ever again?”
“Not if I can help it. Is that all right with you?”
“It’s better than all right. Oh, Doctor. I have so much to tell you, too.”
“I can’t wait to hear it.” Swallowing the last of her tea, the Doctor got up and took her dishes to the sink, where they might remain for a very long time to come.
“Do I need to pack anything?” Yaz asked.
“You can, but I still have all your old things on the TARDIS. Just bring your phone. I know you have a lot of people you want to keep in touch with.”
Yaz tucked her phone into her back pocket and pulled her favourite leather jacket out of the wardrobe. “I suppose we can always come back by if I need anything.”
“Of course.” The Doctor held out her hand. “Well, co-pilot, are you ready for our next great adventure?”
Yaz took the proffered hand, lacing their fingers together. She met the Doctor’s glittering eyes and returned her excited smile. “I’m ready.”
And together, they stepped out onto the balcony and through the TARDIS doors.