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The sight of blood, needles and anything remotely gory had always completely freaked Beomgyu out, so much so that as a child, he’d always run riot round the doctor’s office whenever his parents had taken him for his jabs. He hated the pain, the sight of the needle, everything about it, nevermind the fact that it would all be over in a second. His only consolation has been that the nurse would give him a lollipop afterwards for being brave. It had always been a fear of Beomgyu’s, something that he never thought he’d quite get over, so when his boyfriend Taehyun was due to have his annual flu jab, of course Beomgyu said he’d go with him, because despite his fear, he knew how scary it was to face a jab alone.
Not that he’d told Taehyun about his embarrassing fear of needles that had plagued him since childhood. The idea of anyone knowing was mortifying, and Beomgyu wasn’t in the mood for Taehyun to explain to him, in that calm and factual way of his, that getting a jab at the doctor’s was nothing to be scared off, that it was all rather illogical. No, Beomyu would much rather remain stubborn and illogical, thank you very much.
“You really don't need to come in with me. I’ll be fine.” Taehyun insisted for the twentieth time that morning.
They were currently sitting in the waiting area amongst half a dozen other patients, and Beomgyu was already getting antsy, but trying not to show it. His left leg was shaking, and Beomgyu was trying to cover it up by continuously crossing and uncrossing his legs, which was probably making him look even more anxious. Taehyun meanwhile looked relatively calm.
“No, I said I’ll come. Who’s going to hold your hand and tell you to look away if it's not me?” Beomgyu insisted, glancing at their intertwined hands before looking back up at Taehyun, who rolled his eyes but smiled all the same.
“OK, that’s very cute, but I’m sure I’ll live.” Taehyun said, and then added, a slight smirk on his face now “And I know you’re afraid of needles. You can just wait here, it’ll only take a minute anyway.”
Beomgyu blinked, not really sure how to reply. Had it been that obvious? He’d been making such a conscious effort to not look anxious, and thought that he’d been succeeding, but maybe not. Honestly, up till now he had been hoping that he could get through this whole ordeal without Taehyun noticing that anything was amiss.
“How do you-?” he began, confused, feeling his face flushing with embarrassment.
“You’ve been really jittery all morning.”
“No I haven’t!” Beomgyu began to protest, but Taehyun wasn’t having it.
“You keep flinching every time the nurse comes out of the office and calls through new patients, you’re so pale I wouldn’t be surprised if you passed out, and don’t think I haven’t noticed you fidgeting on your seat for twenty minutes straight- honestly, you look as though sat on a pine cone.”
Beomgyu sat there, frozen. Why did he even bother? As usual, his boyfriend was far too perceptive for his own good, so of course he’d noticed. Beomgyu couldn’t keep up the facade of a brave hyung anymore.
“It’s ok,in fact, I think it’s sweet. Even though you’re a complete scaredy cat.” Taehyun said, now raising their intertwined hands and placing a soft kiss on the back of Beomgyu’s palm, making him flush red, although he couldn’t help but give a shy smile back. And then-
“Kang Taehyun!”
The nurse’s voice made both boys jump, and they turned round to see a kind looking woman in uniform open the door to one of the offices, looking for her next patient.
Taehyun tugged Beomgyu to his feet and they both walked into the nurse’s office, still holding hands, although Beomgyu’s palms had never been sweatier from fear, and his heart thumped faster in his chest.
Just don’t look at the needle. Just don’t look at the needle. You’re here for Taehyun, keep it together.
Beomgyu continued the mantra in his head as the door to the office closed behind them and they all took a seat, the nurse settled behind her desk while Beomgyu and Taehyun sat side by side on the other side. The room was neat a clinically clean, a few spider plants sitting on the window shelf, a bookcase tucked into the corner, and a bunch of diagrams on the walls showing human anatomy, including a particularly detailed diagram of a cross section of a human eye, which made Beomgyu feel slightly queasy.
The nurse sat down and typed something into her computer, and then turned round to face both boys.
“So, which one of you is Kang Taehyun?” she asked as she looked between them.
“Me.” Taehyun said, pointing to himself, and the nurse nodded, then turned to Beomgyu questioningly.
“And you are-?” she asked, to which Beomgyu replied without hesitation:
“Beomgyu. I’m here for moral support.” making the nurse smile.
“That’s ok. Many people are a bit squeamish when it comes to needles. I had to have my parents come with me to my flu jab appointments well into my teens because I was afraid of injections. Makes you wonder how I ever became a nurse.” the nurse said, now turning fully to Taehyun with a sympathetic smile. Taehyun smiled back, but his eyes were sparkling with mirth as he flashed a quick glance at Beomgyu. If only the nurse knew that Beomgyu was the one silently shaking in fear.
“So, it’s just a regular flu jab today. I promise I’ll make this as quick and painless as possible for you. Which arm would you prefer?”
“My right arm. I’m left handed.” Taehyun explained, and the nurse nodded, picking up a fresh kit, opening it up to reveal a syringe and small bottle of alcohol disinfectant, a plaster and a cotton pad.
She then picked up the cotton pad and alcohol disinfectant, pouring some of it into the pad.
Just one look at the needle made Beomgyu’s head start to spin, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. But as the nurse came closer with the syringe in hand, Beomgyu jolted to his feet in an attempt to distance himself from the needle that was twinkling in the light, the only thing keeping him from fleeing the room was Taehyun’s hand firmly gripping his.
The nurse tugged up the sleeve of Taehyun’s t-shirt to wipe at the injection site with the cotton pad, while Taehyun sat there cool as a cucumber, calm as anything as though he were completely unbothered by the fact that he was going to be jabbed in the arm like a giant pin cushion. Meanwhile Beomgyu was trying not to panic, every cell in his body screaming for him to run out of the room and never look back, even though he wasn’t the one getting jabbed.
“If this is too much for you, you can wait outside. You don’t have to watch this.” Taehyun said gently, looking up at Beomgyu with those big doe eyes of his.
“You want me to leave?” Beomgyu asked, now panicking for an entirely different reason. How could he leave?
“You look like you’re about to faint, and nothing’s happened yet.” Taehyun said, half concerned, half amused as Beomgyu only pouted, trying to ignore the fact that he was in fact starting to feel a bit light headed. Standing up suddenly felt like a bad choice, but he couldn’t bring himself to sit back down.
“I won’t faint, I’m not leaving! And how are you so calm? You’re about to be jabbed like a human pin cushion!” Beomgyu hissed just as the nurse said:
“Ok, now relax your arm Taehyun, this will just feel like a pinprick.” she said, and Beomgyu couldn’t help it- he looked round for long enough to see the needle, glinting in the harsh office light, filled with clear fluid coming towards Taehyun’s upper arm. The very sight of this made him want to be sick and his head reeled as though he'd been struck with a hammer, feeling so light headed.
“Hey, look at me.” Taehyun’s soft voice made Beomgyu jump a bit, as he felt his boyfriend squeeze and tug slightly at his hand, forcing him to look away from the glinting needle and back down at Taehyun, who who looked right at him, completely calm as he whispered now:
“It’s ok, breath, hyung. You’ll be ok, don’t look.”
And so Beomgyu did, what other choice did he have? He concentrated on the feel of Taehyun’s hand in his as he breathed deeply, in and out, in and out, and slowly, for a few split seconds, he felt as though he maybe wasn't going to die after all. As Taehyun smiled in encouragement, and Beomgyu just about managed a shaky smile in return when-
“There, all done now.”
Beomgyu couldn’t help it. He turned his head away from Taehyun, who in that instant seemed to realize what was going on, and his face fell as he shook his head desperately, willing Beomgyu not to look, but it was too late:
Beomgyu turned to see the now empty syringe in the nurse’s hand, the sharp needle point sparkling menacingly, and then when he looked slightly down and to his left, he saw a single drop of bright crimson blood coming from his boyfriend’s arm, exactly where the needle had jabbed him.
“Oh no.”
Beomgyu felt his world shrink and expand, contorting strangely as all he could do was focus on the sight of the blood, even though it was only a speck.
“Here, I’ll just put this plaster on.”
The nurse’s voice sounded funny, as though it were ringing in Beomgyu’s ears, and his head felt so light, like he was spinning in the clouds, disconnected from the rest of his body.
This was too much. He wasn’t actually going to-
“Beomgyu hyung? Are you ok?” He then saw Taehyun, suddenly standing now infront of him, but the edges of his vision were turning black, and the floor was spinning, spinning so fast. Beomgyu tried to grab hold of Taehyun’s hand again, but he seemed to have lost it somehow.
“Gyu?”
The last thing Beomgyu saw was Taehyun, eyebrows knitted together in worry, before he felt himself falling, and suddenly, his world turned black.
===
“Wake up sleepy head.”
Beomgyu blinked in the bright light, wincing as the glare hit his eyes. His head felt foggy, and his limbs felt dead, as though he’d been running a marathon. Where was he? And why was he on the ground?
“Why am I lying down?” Beomgyu mumbled stupidly, more to himself than anyone else as he attempted to raise his head off the floor. He then realized that he was in fact lying down on the cold hard floor of the nurse’s office, with his head cushioned by, well, and actually hospital bed cushion, and his feet propped up by a short stool with around three other cushions on top of it, raising his legs up slightly off of the ground. Beomgyu blinked once more, trying to get his thoughts straight. Why was he lying down? What happened?
“You know, when I said you looked as though you were about to pass out, I never thought you’d actually faint.”
Beomgyu turned his head to the side slightly, and for the first time realized that Taehyun was crouched down on the floor right next to him, and as he did so, he saw Taehyun’s expression shift from worry to amusement. And then all of it came rushing back:
The needle, the blood, feeling as though the ground was spinning, voices ringing, head so light...he really had fainted.
The embarrassment was almost too much for Beomgyu, and he raised his hands to cover his face, letting a muffled half scream of frustration escape him. How could he have let this happen? And in front of Taehyun too? He was supposed to comfort Taehyun, not be the one who needed comforting, and now here he was, lying on the floor like an idiot after blacking out. All this over a tiny needle and a single speck of blood.
“I’m such an idiot.” Beomgyu mumbled into his hands, not daring to even look at Taehyun. He was sure from how warm his face felt that his cheeks were burning a bright tomato red from embarrassment.
“No you’re not.” Taehyun said softly, peeling Beomgyu’s hands away from his face so that Beomgyu had no choice but to look back up at him. Taehyun kept hold of one of Beomgyu’s hands, running his thumb over his knuckles soothingly. “ At least you fainted with dignity.” Taehyun added.
“Really?” Beomgyu asked hopefully, but Taehyun only stifled a giggle with his free hand causing Beomgyu to pout in a woebegone fashion.
“No. It was like watching a rag doll drop to the ground. You went straight over. But I caught you mid way so I’ve saved you from a concussion at least.” Taehyun said. It was clear from the sparkle in Taehyun’s eyes that he was enjoying teasing Beomgyu about this now that it was evident that he was in fact completely fine. But being told what had happened from Taehyun’s perspective made Beomgyu flush even more from embarrassment. Why did he have to faint? Everything had been fine until he’d been stupid enough to look at the needle.
“Urgh! That’s even worse! Where’s the nurse anyway?” Beomgyu asked, peering round, his still foggy brain only just noticing that it was just the two of them in the room.
“She went to get you a drink of water for when you wake up. And she had to notify some other members of staff that you fainted. Something about ‘standard procedure’ when this sort of thing happens. ”
At these words, Beomgyu froze, dread running through him. So would everyone in the GP surgery know that he’d been the boy who passed out? How was he supposed to walk out the front door without wanting to sink into a hole and die?
Beomgyu then attempted to sit up, feeling that he may as well get out as quickly as possible. He was awake, and, for the most part, unscathed, and honestly he wanted to get as far away from the GP as he could, and forget about this whole humiliating experience.
He lifted himself partially up by elbows, ignoring the fact that his head started to spin once more, and then-
“OW!”
Beomgyu reeled backwards, clutching his forehead as it connected to Taehyun’s, who mirrored his actions, wincing in pain. His boyfriend had, after all, been leaning over him this whole time, so the collision was practically inevitable.
Beomgyu’s head started to throb, and he reluctantly allowed Taehyun to push him gently but firmly in the chest so that he was laying back down once more.
“Why did you do that? I thought it was obvious that you were supposed to lie down!” Taehyun said exasperatedly as Beomgyu massaged his aching forehead, resignedly lying back down once more.
“I’m sorry. Are you ok? I just wanted to get out of here.” he mumbled. Beomgyu had never thought that he’d feel so embarrassed in his whole life but this incident was certainly right up there on his list of embarrassing moments.
“I’m fine. You?” Taehyun asked, now seemingly recovered enough from the hit to the head to reach out and gently stroke back Beomgyu’s hair from forehead. He probably had a red mark there now to add to his humiliation, but he simply nodded that he was ok.
“You’re an idiot.” Taehyun said fondly, still stroking Beomgyu’s hair off of his forehead, while Beomgyu pouted, trying to look offended, but not quite managing it as Taehyun continued, “You could have just sat outside. I realized you were afraid of needles, but I didn’t know it was this bad. If I did, I’d never have let you come here with me.”
Beomgyu swallowed the lump in his throat at his boyfriend’s words. How was he supposed to explain his reasons for coming along?
“I- I just wanted to be here for you. I’ve always been terrified of getting jabs, and I thought that maybe you’d be scared too, even if you didn’t show it. But then it turned out that you were completely fine, so I had to be fine too, but I couldn’t do it and now I’ve made a complete mess of everything. I guess I’m just a coward.” he said sadly. Beomgyu felt that it was his duty, as a boyfriend and as Taehyun’s hyung, to always be there for him, no matter what, even if he, Beomgyu himself was practically terrified.
“Yes, I guess you are a coward.” Taehyun said smugly, and Boemgyu’s heart sank, but then Taehyun continued: “But you still came here with me. Even though you were scared. And if you ask me, I think that's pretty brave.” he said, making Beomgyu’s heart soar as Taehyun suddenly leaned down cupping Beomgyu’s cheeks in his hands. They were practically nose to nose. “And by the way, I was scared. Why do you think I held your hand the whole time dummy?” Taehyun whispered, and Beomgyu’s mouth turned to a small ‘o’ of surprise as their lips met. Beomgyu tugged at the front of Taehyun’s shirt, pulling him closer as they kissed, lightly, sweetly, and when they finally broke apart, despite everything that had happened, Beomgyu felt as though he were soaring.
Yes, both of them may have been scared, but together, holding each other’s hands, they could face anything, even a flu jab.