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Chapter Text

In a fortified structure at the centre of an endless darkness, commotion arises. "Guys have any of you seen War Shiver" inquired War Frye.
"Ay (No)" came back the response from War Man the manta ray who seemed just as confused. "Ay (She went out to the Multiversal Black Market I think but she should've been back like three hours ago)"
"What does she even need to buy there?" trilled War Marina, who was tinkering with the MultiversalTravel-Inator.
"Lol I don't give a fffffuck this is the first day in 2 months where I won't have to put up with Morbius" retorted War Marie in a particularly rude manner.
"But War Marie what if she's having some totally wacky zany crazy adventure without us???" questioned War Callie.
"Good for her I don't ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffucking care" she double-retorted.
"Wait hang on!" War Marina exclaimed. "We haven't gone to any universes more than 15 metametres away since Halloween! Literally why the fuck is this energy reading so high!"
"Why are you even asking that question?" War Frye snapped back. "Someone's vanished and there's some weird energy reading from the thing that we use to vanish. I thought you were meant to be our team's brains War Marina!"
"That was unduly harsh considering I knew the answer and was just asking for dramatic effect" groaned War Marina.
"Ok before anyone gets any ideas we're not chasing her she can come back on her own for all I fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffucking care" clarified War Marie.
"Fair lol" came War Marina's response.

War Shiver looked around. "Hmm yes this is the right place" she concluded. She had successfully reached a universe with strong vampiric energy.
"Assuming my vampy senses don't fail me," she considered, "this should be none other than the infamous vampire hotspot White Wafers - Stage 1." (A/N she made up vampy senses just now)
She began to explore her surroundings. There was snow everywhere, but not even a drop of blood to be seen.
"Hmm maybe the victims are shy" she pondered. But the more she looked the more she started getting pissed off. There was barely any life anywhere.
"Fax machine fucking damnit was the Japanese Kirby Wikia lying to me????" she exclaimed. "This is supposed to be home to a really successful vampire! And where there's successful vampires there's juicy victims!"

But finally, after four hours (A/N new world time) of searching, just when she had practically given up hope and turned to despair, she found someone. Or...something, rather. Presumably living, it could be seen swinging from a rope attached to a floating platform above it. It was mostly coloured orange, but its brown eyes stuck out to War Shiver as they seemed to reflect a dying world on its last day of existence. After brief deliberation, War Shiver vibrated with the realisation of what this creature was.
"This is it...an innocent-looking unsuspecting Rope Waddle Dee," she mused. "A fine specimen indeed. Little does it know that I know that it may or may not be hiding a secret!"
The Rope Waddle Dee had not yet reacted to her presence. It simply continued its carefree swinging. Typical of the White Wafers - Stage 1 breed.
"Now then, young Rope Waddle Dee" she proclaimed (A/N I assume it was young) "reveal yourself! If you truly are Dracula Waddle (or an associate thereof) then there's no point in hiding it from me!"
It stopped swinging at the mention of the name. Terror suddenly pierced its face.
"Yeah that's not gonna work bud" War Shiver insisted. "Reveal yourself now or face the consequences!"
The Rope Waddle Dee looked truly terrified. In fact it was extremely scared. It tried its best to keep up its carefree illusion and resume swinging but to no avail.
War Shiver had had enough of this. "Then you leave me no choice" affirmed War Shiver. "I shall have to thoroughly inspect you!"
She tried everything she could to expose the Rope Waddle Dee's true identity. But it just wasn't working. She even cut the rope, turning it into a regular Waddle Dee, and looked away as it routinely paced back and forth, but with still no results.
"Well, I guess it's come to this" she determined. "Prepare to die!"
War Shiver ran up to the Waddle Dee to deliver her killing blow, only to find absolutely no success. "Wait what" she blurted out. Then she realised. "Oh fuck that's right you don't have a neck for me to bite"
But War Shiver was unfazed. "Good thing I planned for this!" she yelled. War Shiver then revealed a massive shootinging gun. Like really fucking massive. "You'd think War Marina would have noticed this thing going missing" she uttered. And without hesitation, she shot the Waddle Dee dead.

War Shiver's plan was far from over however. She immediately ran off to another part of White Wafers - Stage 1, leaving the Rope Waddle Dee's former location out of sight. Then she turned 360° and bolted back to where she had killed the Rope Waddle Dee that fateful day.
"Lol my backwards running training paid off" she observed before swiveling back around to observe that portion of White Wafers - Stage 1. But what happened next would shock her.
The Rope Waddle Dee had returned to its post. It was swinging carefreely as though nothing has happened. "Oh come the fuck on! You mean it wasn't you after all??"
The look of terror had entirely vanished from the Rope Waddle Dee's brown orbs. Its carefree swinging had resumed, without a care in the White Wafers - Stage 1.
"I mean yeah it was the literally the first one I found" grumbled War Shiver "but like aren't I meant to have protagonist luck? Then again I am from a hellscape of a universe with holographic plants but like that was before I became a protagonist anyway and at least I got to suck a ton of blood because of all that"

War Shiver was undeterred. Her valiant trek through the wilds of White Wafers - Stage 1 continued. And upon every Rope Waddle Dee encounter, she would thoroughly analyse it to verify its identity. But her luck was running dry as every time she would be met with the same discovery: upon killing each Rope Waddle Dee, it would respawn as a carefree swinger once more following her exit and re-entry of the area.
"Oh my fucking mechanism for transmitting and receiving faxes" War Shiver erupted, having been deterred. "How have I not found it yet?! This universe fucking sucks, I can't even suck any blood! I can't believe I even decided to come here."
Finally, War Shiver resolved to check just one more Rope Waddle Dee before giving up. "Surely now that I've decided that my protagonist luck will throw me a cartilage and let me find the bloody thing," she reasoned. "And if it doesn't then fuck this shit I'm gonna go back to base and watch Morbius. This whole idea was dumb anyway."
She approached the Rope Waddle Dee. "Look dude I'm at the end of my bloody tether and I'm getting a little thirsty for some bloody blood so could you just get this over with and tell me whether or not you're Dracula Waddle?" she requested.
But then a peculiar thing happened. Or rather, something peculiarly didn't happen. Unlike every single other Rope Waddle Dee throughout White Wafers - Stage 1, this particular specimen had no frightened reaction to her mention of the name.
War Shiver instantly perked up. "Oh my blood I found you! Dude I'm a huge fan!"
The Rope Waddle Dee, or so it seemed to be to an outsider (A/N there were no outsiders so sorry if that was a wrong assumption), turned to face her directly.
"It's you right?" she quizzed. "I know it is! It has to be!"
The entity simply continued swinging in an extremely careful manner, its gaze remaining fixed on War Shiver.
"If you join me we'll rule the world together! Surely that's better for you than out in this sunlight!" she proposed. "I'm a vampire too, you see. I've heard all about you and how you tormented that pink guy! The Japanese Kirby Wikia has a really good writeup on the whole thing. And I've sacrificed most of my sanity today to come here and track you down!"
Its swinging had slowed to a crawl. It was clearly filled to the brim with care.
"I love your unique style too!" War Shiver went on. "There's literally no one else even remotely like you! Especially not out here in White Wafers - Stage 1. Like seriously this old dump is your hangout spot? No one's been here in like 12 years! You're better than this!"
It was barely swinging at all now. Care had begun to slowly leak out of it because it was so full of it. Actually it was kinda ominous but War Shiver took no notice because care isn't visible to the naked eye.
"I heard that sunlight is unhealthy for you less liquidy vampires too." War Shiver rambled. "Seriously you need to look after yourself my guy! You deserve it! Also did I mention how impressive that upwarp thing you did was? Those Super Mario 64 speedrunners thought they knew everything and boom you just hoist em up and their minds are blown and they're all scuttling around trying to figure out the bug. That's the sickest vampire move ever!"
Dracula Waddle dropped from its rope, seeming satisfied. However, it still knew to be suspicious of War Shiver. So it was time to put her to the test.

Dracula Waddle jumped at War Shiver without warning. Hyperealistic blood sprayed everywhere as Dracula Waddle's true form unleashed its power. War Shiver had predicted something like this and tried her hardest to shake it off, mashing back and forth. But no matter how much she vibrated Dracula Waddle would not release her from its grasp. War Shiver felt her power being drained from her as a red mist filled the air of White Wafers - Stage 1. She realised her mistake.
"Fuck I have to get out of here" she deduced, reaching for the Splitter Crystal she had taken with her just in case. But as soon as she pulled it out of her pocket, something seemed to snap in Dracula Waddle. Its fury exploded as soon as the crystal crossed its crimson gaze. With all of its strength, it absorbed the Splitter Crystal's power into its own, leaving the crystal shattered.
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK" War Shiver declared. "So much for bloody protagonist luck! Dude I'm fucking sorry for pissing you off but could you have any amount of mercy?! I don't wanna be stranded in bloody White Wafers - Stage 1!"
Dracula Waddle was unrelenting, War Shiver's cries falling on deaf ears. (A/N I know Waddle Dees ain't got no ears! It's a metaphor! (A/N haha funny reference)) But just when War Shiver was about to pass out, a convenient bright teal flash engulfed her out of nowhere, leaving Dracula Waddle alone once again, its power overflowing.

War Shiver tumbled back into the War Squad's official headquarters, still reeling from the horrors she had just borne witness to.
"Thanks for saving me guys" War Shiver expressed between gasps.
"I think you've got some explaining to do War Shiver!" shouted War Marina angrily after patiently waiting for her to finish. "You think you can just sneak off with MY shootinging gun and get away with it?!"
"Wait how did you know about that?" said War Shiver, simultaneously realising that probably would've been helpful to use just now.
"I can track all my inventions across the multiverse." explained War Marina. "And besides that gun is like really fucking massive, you think I wouldn't notice that thing going missing?" War Marina proceeded to snatch the shootinging gun off of War Shiver.
"S-so what did you think you were doing having an adventure without us?" War Callie put forward.
"I genuinely thought you wouldn't find me" responded War Shiver. "That universe is pretty out of the way."
"Well for starters you stole my shootinging gun, plus you brought a Splitter Crystal with you" War Marina shot back. "Like do you have any idea how much energy is in those things? You can get a clear as day reading from pretty much anywhere in the multiverse."
"Ay? (You mean a crystal clear reading?)" War Man suggested.
"Since when were you an authority on our language?" butted in War Frye.
"And also", War Marina resumed, "the age rating of that universe happened to increase when you arrived. You even gave it a bad language tag!"
"Ok you have to be fucking with me there's no way that's a thing" War Shiver announced.
"Don't you already have a character trait? Like you're a werewolf or some shit? Why did you need to ffffucking steal mine?!" War Marie interjected.
"Ok guys look", War Shiver requested. "Sure I did a pretty shit job just now, but cut me some slack, I just spent hours in an arduous search for Dracula Waddle and then when I finally find it I almost fucking die!"
"Wait Dracula Waddle? Isn't that just a dumb inside joke from the Japanese Kirby Wikia?" questioned War Frye.
"Ay, ay? (You know anyone can edit wikis, right?)" War Man pointed out.
"NO you don't get it, it's real!" War Shiver screamed. "I had faith and I was rewarded! I literally just met Dracula Waddle and almost died until you saved my ass!"
"But that makes no sense" pointed out War Marina. "This is the Splatooniverse. It only has Splatoon universes in it, remember? The existence of a Kirby universe would blatantly contradict the lore! Surely you just dreamed the whole thing!"
"Try telling me that when you pace back and forth in White Wafers - Stage 1 for hours, meticulously checking every last fucking Rope Waddle Dee, then getting nearly asphyxiated by Dracula Waddle itself!" War Shiver screamed.
"Asphyxiation doesn't work like that" pointed out War Marie.
"Well it still fucking hurts! Look, it even destroyed my Splitter Crystal!" War Shiver brandished the broken Splitter Crystal for everyone to see. "Wait fuck" she said, immediately noticing her mistake.
"YOU FUCKING WHAT" War Marina snapped. "You broke your fucking Splitter Crystal!?!? If you expect me to fix it good fucking luck because I'm gonna have to basically destroy my lab to get nearly enough energy! You're officially grounded War Shiver, and I'm gonna put this bloody Inator under strict lock and key!"
"Epic now I can just watch Morbius three times to unwind while you do that" War Shiver rejoiced.
"Ay! (Fuck yeah I was kinda getting unsettled when I hadn't seen it yet today!)" War Man clamoured
"I'll go get the popcorn I guess" offered War Frye.
"Sure, sounds fun!" War Callie admitted. "War Shiver clearly had a bad day, so it would only be nice of me to help her relax!"
"Help me?" asked War Shiver, puzzled.
"Uh, yeah?" said War Callie
A shit eating grin engulfed War Shiver's face. "IF YOU WANNA HELP ME HAND ME ANOTHER BAG O DEM CHIPS"

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUNNY

Chapter Text

The time had finally come. Dracula Waddle's cover had been completely blown thanks to War Shiver's fuckery, but in return, it had gained the incredible power of a Splitter Crystal, unlocking its multiverse-travelling potential. Also it had bright red eyes now which is pretty cool.
T̵̹̙̰̹̣͑̋̄̈́͆͂̀h̴̗̺̏́̿̓ͅé̶̩͉̯̲̍̋̚s̴̳̈́̊̆͘͝è̴̺̥̤̠͖͉̫̝̔̽̒͒̽̄̆̇̅ ̷̑̅̀͊̚ͅͅͅc̷̙͍͇͈͓͍̰̅͑̀̾̅͜͝e̶͔̿̀͋͛͝p̸̝̂͌́͐́̃̃̃̂͜ḩ̶͕̙̻̦̯̬̺̩̄̈͗͊̐̕ͅa̵̛̲̩͙͐͑͝͠l̸̜̖͚̄͑͆̔́̊̆̅̽ö̶͇͇́̿̑͐p̷͕̒́̃̃o̴͔̓̑͊̀̀͆͒̚d̸̳̮̰̪̮̅s̷̡͓̭͇̖̜̼͂̍̔̏͒̑̒̍ ̶͙̾̓́̆å̵̛̬͖̓͐̀̆̄̓r̸͈̤̰͋̆͋̈͆̓̚̚e̸̢̝̹͔͓̥͚͕̓̿̿̉ ̸̺͍̟̝̬̩̔̽͊̌̅̍̃P̸̡̮̫̘̪͔͎̻͚͖͋͊͑͗͆̏̅̕͝i̸̡̲̩̩͙̋̈̃̍̐̋̚͝͝͝ş̶̠̖͝s̵̛̱͎̹͔͇̟͉̟̳̗̆̍̇́̎ḯ̸̛͉̪̬̥̫͔̞̙̐̉̃͂͂̌̕n̸̮͈̜͇̝̬̮͊̾͜g̸̨̪̭̝̱̅̊̇̔̊̏̄̋̀͝ͅ ̵̪̌͒̄̿͊́̂̋́̕m̴̢̖̝̙̭̳͕̠̀̀̄̉̆͆̏̿̅͌ě̵̡̲͚̙ ̵̘͖̟̠̱̠̟̋̓͊̓ȍ̸̰̖̬̪̲̀͂̄̍̐̏f̷͖͇̱̪͉̪̠̂͛͑̃̂̎f̸̝̳̳̩̭̩̲̳͋̉͝.̷̳͖̯̬̩̑̈́͒̀̒͘͝.̴͉̊̏̓́́̉̒̉̿̕.̶̳̫̀̓̉̉̌̋͌̂ ̸̼̄̓͂̈́̇̈́Ì̷͇̠͇̲̝͉͙̪͛͆̓͛͌̚'̴͉͈̄̆̿͆̑̄̅͋m̵̡̥̠̜̙̟̥͍͔͐̃̍̾ ̸͇̤̻̹̗̀͌͒͂ṱ̴͖͗̾̏͆ḫ̴̡̢̥̠͚͕͍̪̾̍̉̀̄ͅe̵̳̮̻̜͔͑͂͐̉͂͘ ̴̛̫̖̦̬̱̈́̀̐̔͠͝o̸͓̐͂̾̋ṙ̸̡̯̹̥̠͔̯̖͙̻̀̃̉͊i̸̬̿ḡ̶̨̧̭̜͈͇͕̠į̴̯͋̌̈́͗n̸̺̞̝̬̔̀͐a̴̯͚̗̹̒̎̌̌̍ḷ̸̠̘̂̄
̴̩͂D̴̼̝̗̼̀̓̌͂ȑ̷̡̤̣͕͎́̿̀a̴̞͉̫͍͈͖̬̝͆̏͗̉̽͘͝͝͠c̵͙͍̖̉͐̈́̍́ȗ̴̖͔̫͔̃̿l̴̟̰̭̺̻̜̳̈́̇̅̈́̆ͅa̶̧̺̼̪̘̪̗̮͎̒͊̀̓̓ͅ ̸̭͒̂̊͆ͅW̸̨̫̲̪͚̣͔̾̈́̆͑â̶̡͉̂d̸̤͖͊̓̌̽͠ͅd̶̢̨̬̘̭͕̑̌̃̉̎̾̅͆ḻ̴̨̘̺̱̲̩͉͓͔̌̑̈́̒̕e̴̢̨̲͈̝̹̯̪̒̈́̈́̐́͑͂͊͝͠ it said ominously (A/N don't question why it didn't speak before). "Wait why was that all glitchy? I'd better not keep that up because that would be really annoying" it considered.

Dracula Waddle had decided. It would claim new victims in whatever worlds its newfound powers allowed it access to. It could almost taste its victory already. Wasting no more time, it vanished entirely from White Wafers - Stage 1 in a red mist.

"Good. That's the last of 'em. Now get in the chopper and head back." instructed Mr. Grizz to his quartet of employees. The four of them began to celebrate. "Ez" declared one. "Woomy" exclaimed another.
Suddenly one of them was engulfed in red mist. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh" yelled the Octoling as they were very worried. Dracula Waddle had appeared right next to them.
"What the fax machine is that thing?" questioned their confused Inkling coworker. But they had no time to think about this due to an extremely loud roar that then emanated from the sea. A gigantic fish emerged.
"Got a King Salmonid coming in" Mr. Grizz explained. "That means mandatory overtime! Here's an egg cannon. Now get to work!"
Obliging, the workers refocused on their mission. Dracula Waddle was extremely pleased with this target and ran towards it to test out its newfound power.
Dracula Waddle activated the power of the splitter crystal. The Cohozuna started being warped and distorted and screaming as power eggs came pouring out of it. "What is going on!?" inquired a worried Inkling worker.
Dracula Waddle then released another burst of power. In an instant, the Cohozuna was split into tiny pieces that were then scattered throughout space-time, leaving behind a shit ton of fish scales and power eggs. "Well that was extremely overpowered but cool" Dracula Waddle thought. After absorbing all of the hundreds of power eggs and scales, it vanished once more in a crimson smog.
"Wwwwwhat just happened" said the Octoling.
"Never had a doubt! Great work. Now get back to the helicopter. Fuel isn't free." chimed Mr. Grizz.
"Sure I'll take that" accepted an Inkling.

King Dedede was seated at his throne deep within his castle, his loyal assistant Escargoon by his side. The NME Salesman appeared on his screen, accompanied by a dramatic score.
"How can I help you, King Dedede?" he asked.
"I need a monster to clobber that there Kirby!" affirmed Dedede.
"Well I'm glad you asked," the salesman began, "because we recently restocked with some fantastic monsters. I was thinking about maybe giving you a recommendation of my own today. How about-"
But before he could finish he was interrupted. Dedede's machine (A/N I don't remember if it has a name it's the monster summoning thing) seemed to activate on its own. In the centre, a red mist cleared to reveal none other than Dracula Waddle.
"Now who's this here fellow?" King Dedede asked. "He looks mighty similar to my Waddle Dees."
"Albeit significantly more threatening" added Escargoon from behind the king's chair.
The salesman was puzzled. "Uh, I don't think I meant to send you this one...in fact I'm not sure I recognise him."
"Eh? Did your system get hacked or something?" Dedede wondered.
The salesman suddenly had an idea. "Oh, wait, my mistake - I'd recognise this little guy anywhere! His name is, uhh...Alpha Waddle Dee! He's sure to destroy Kirby the moment they meet!"
"Now that's more like it!" Dedede exclaimed.
Dracula Waddle was already tired of this daft exchange. Activating his power, he began corrupting the monster summoner.
"Eh? Why's my machine going all funky?" Dedede wondered as it began flashing various colours.
The salesman did some quick thinking. "Oh, that's just our, uh...light display! It comes as a free bonus with this monster! You'll just have to pay a little extra for it!"
"Pay extra?!" Dedede exclaimed. "Do I look like I'm made of money?! I didn't even ask for no disco lights!"
Before the salesman came up with a retort, Dracula Waddle actually did hack his system. Before he knew it, all of NME's monsters were being sent directly to the king's castle. The teleporter was overloaded and started to explode as it began releasing the monsters.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAA" exclaimed Dedede and Escargoon as they sailed through the air. Before the salesman could even process what was happening, Dracula Waddle had already disappeared in a burgundy smoke to wreak havoc in yet another universe.

A desolate mall stands bleakly. It was once full of juicy Octarian victims, but another vampire already got to them all. Dracula Waddle began perusing the shops, filled with Octarian corpses. Each one had a recognizable bite mark with hyperealistic blood pouring out. Dracula Waddle, however, decided not to to feast from the corpses, as this was unmistakably the work of War Shiver, whom Dracula Waddle intended to get revenge on.
However, it did manage to find one living resident remaining in the abandoned mall. Callie was sobbing profusely.
"Ow!" she exclaimed. "There's ink RIGHT in my eye!"
Dracula Waddle smiled. (A/N it doesn't have a mouth but it can still pretend to smile) It began absorbing Callie in her entirety. Ignoring her screams, it completely decomposed her and consumed her somehow.
"These new powers are so fucking cook" it exclaimed (A/N that's Rope Waddle Dee slang for cool common in White Wafers - Stage 1)

"It's morbin time" said Morbius with confidence. His voice emanated from the TV and powerfully filled the room, to the cheers of the War Squad.
"Let's fucking go" said War Shiver, who was enjoying a nice rest after yesterday's bullshit shenanigans.
"Ay! Ay! (Fuck you Key Dee you are the worst enemy in existence! Die now or I'll just quit this game and go back to Fortnite!)" exclaimed War Man as he played Kirby's Return to Dream Land Deluxe. "Ay (I've never wished I had fingers more than now)"
Suddenly, War Marina burst in from her lab. "Guys! There's kind of a huge problem! War Shiver seriously fucked up yesterday!"
"Oh my cod machine I get the picture" War Shiver insisted. "Just go back to your nerdy invention shit while we do cool things!"
"This is seriously important though! Can't you just listen to me?!" War Marina asked calmly. "I can still detect the energy of War Shiver's broken Splitter Crystal! It seems to have been absorbed somehow and is currently jumping throughout space-time and wreaking havoc!"
"Sounds kinda familiar" War Frye pointed out. "Do you think it's looking for Infinity Stones?"
"No, I keep all of those in here" War Marina reminded. (A/N I'm running out of said synonyms) "If it doesn't get stopped space time might get ripped apart!"
"Cool go stop it then" War Shiver suggested. "I'm grounded anyway!"
"Good idea!" War Marina exclaimed.
"Wait!" said War Marie. "I'll come with you, you'd probably die immediately without my help."
"Wait you're volunteering to help me?!" War Marina was shocked. "Are you alright War Marie? This is extremely OOC for you!"
"I'm aware" War Marie responded, "but right now I'd honestly rather be anywhere else than with these lunatics (not you War Callie)."
"Ok I'll come too in that case" said War Callie.
"Have fun!" War Frye said. "We'll stay here and keep watch."
"Yeah keep watch of Morbius lol" clarified War Shiver.
"AYYYYYY (FUCK YOU KEY DEE I WILL MURDER YOUR FUCKING FAMILY YOU AREN'T FUNNY WHEN YOU RUN INTO SPIKES AND KILL YOURSELF SO STOP FUCKING DOING IT)" War Man mused.
War Marina and the two War Squid Sisters headed off through the Inator to stop Dracula Waddle.

Chapter Text

Kirby was running as fast as he could to catch up to Meta Knight. He had made it to the ruins of Meta Knight's battleship, the Halberd, on the ocean floor. He had no idea why Meta Knight did something so evil as steal the cake, but that didn't matter to him right now. He dashed into the ship's cockpit, where Meta Knight awaited his challenge.

War Marina and the War Squid Sisters tumbled into the Halberd. This universe had the unmistakable Splitter Crystal energy reading, but they still had to track down its source before it moved on to yet another universe. They had to work fast. Only War Marina had brought her Splitter Crystal with her to go back with, in order to minimise potential dangers.
"Hmmmm" thought War Marina. She checked her wrist, which was fixed with a radar picking up nearby energy readings. "There's some treasure chest nearby with a pretty strong reading" she realised. "I think it's in that room at the front of this ship thing."
"I'll wait here" said War Marie, "in case anything comes this way. You two go and get that chest."
"Ok then" agreed War Marina and War Callie. The two of them dashed into the cockpit.

Meta Knight revealed himself to his three challengers. Kirby pulled a Sword ability out of his stomach to use because Meta Knight hadn't even given him one today. Clearly he was being more of a dick than usual. He brandished his own sword.
War Marina and War Callie still hadn't been noticed by Kirby, who proceeded to start his battle with Meta Knight. "This is the perfect distraction" though War Marina "he's got the chest somewhere in this room I can tell."
"Wait didn't you say Kirby universes couldn't exist?" asked War Callie.
"Yeah but I was clearly wrong" admitted War Marina. "Space-time must just be super fucked up. It's a good thing this isn't canon or this would open up a big plot hole."
Kirby and Meta Knight were still caught up in their battle. War Marina and War Callie snuck around the room in search of the treasure chest but couldn't find it.
"That guy must have it in his cape or something" War Callie guessed. "I'll fire a laser at him!"
"Or we could just wait for him to lose and then swoop in" War Marina suggested.
"Huh actually a good idea, I sure do hope no one else is planning on that exact course of action" War Callie chirped. So the two sat and watched the battle. It was pretty cool actually the Halberd took off and flew into the sky during it.

After a couple minutes Kirby came out victorious, shattering Meta Knight's mask. He concealed himself in his cape and vanished instantly, leaving his chest behind. Kirby was ecstatic to finally have his cake back. "Poyo" he said.
"Now's our chance!" said War Callie and she darted towards the chest and snatched it up. Kirby stopped being ecstatic.
War Callie dashed out of the cockpit with Kirby in pursuit. Also War Marina ran after them.
But all of a sudden completely unexpectedly a mysterious thief swooped in! Daroach grabbed the chest out of War Callie's hands before she could even think. "Bruh how did I forget to activate maximum grip mode on my arm" she groaned.
"Oh no you ffffffffffffucking don't" War Marie yelled as Daroach tried to escape. She shot him with a dose of low-tide ink, stunning him into dropping the chest. War Callie and Kirby both dashed towards it to open it up.
"I've got to stop that Dracula Waddle or whatever its name is!" War Callie proclaimed.
"Poyo" Kirby suggested. Oh, Kirby's cake...
War Callie activated her high strength arm mode to overpower Kirby when the two of them grabbed the chest. She pulled it open.

But there was neither a cake nor a Splitter Crystal in the chest. Instead, a dark force began leaking out!
"What the ffffffuck!" War Marie exclaimed. A dark force coursed through War Callie's body, overriding her arm. She became Dark Callie!
"Not again" complained War Marie as Dark Callie was overcome by the dark force. "Haha I'm gonna do evil stuff" she promised.
Daroach came to. "Oh I thought I heard there was a cake in that chest" he said. "Well at least that weirdo opened it instead of me, could you imagine if it was me who had to go all dark? Haha that would be funny"
"Watch your ffffffucking mouth you stupid ffffffucking rat!" War Marie yelled. "I'm not gonna risk losing Callie again!"
"Actually I'm a mouse" Daroach corrected
"I literally don't give a fffffffffFUCK dude" War Marie yelled back.
Dark Callie fled through Gamble Galaxy as she cackled. Oh yeah I forgot to mention they're in space because the Halberd went there.
War Marina, War Marie, Daroach, and Kirby were all left standing on the Halberd's deck bewildered.
"Well what are we ffffffucking waiting for?!?!??" War Marie cried. "Let's go save War Callie!"
"Of course!" yelled back War Marina. "Poyo" added Kirby who still wanted his cake back.
"Well I'm coming with you I guess" said Daroach. "I could do with some more treasure."
"No you ffffffffffffucking imbecile! My cousin (kinda) is being possessed by an evil force and you're thinking only about treasure?!?!"
"Hey I don't know your family relationships we just met" Daroach pointed out.
"Still though it was pretty insensitive" War Marina mentioned.
"Well I also have the Triple Star and you'll probably need that to win" Daroach said.
War Marie punched Daroach to the floor and searched him, finding his Triple Star cane. It was a strange weapon that could launch a trio of stars. It was pretty OP so War Marie decided to keep it.
"We're coming for you Callie!!!!!!!!" War Marie yelled and she set off through Gamble Galaxy with War Marina to go after Dark Callie. "Poyo" said Kirby, following close behind.
"Hey! That's my Triple Star you just stole!" Daroach yelled. "You're being super rude guys!" he said as he chased after them.

Suddenly, cloaked in a red mist, Dracula Waddle revealed itself. It chuckled as it watched five juicy targets chasing each other across Gamble Galaxy. This is relatively frightening considering that Dracula Waddle is quite dangerous. It created a rope out of seemingly nowhere and began swinging after them.

Chapter Text

"War Callie!!!" War Marie shouted. "Stop ffffffucking running away you ffffffffffffucking coward!"
"Hehehehahahaha I'm Dark Callie" responded Dark Callie. She was still under the influence of the cloud of black smoke that came from the treasure chest.
"It's no use trying to talk to her" War Marina made clear, "she's still under the influence of the cloud of black smoke that came from the treasure chest" (A/N I just said that War Marina, please be more original)
"Hey wait" said War Marie because she heard a strange sound. "Do you hear that?" she asked.
"It kinda sounds like a scream" said War Marina. "How peculiar. Anyway let's beat up Dark Callie!"
"Right," said War Marie and she used the Triple Star she stole from Daroach to shoot stars a long distance. This hurt Dark Callie who was forced to stop fleeing. "Ok fine I'll fight you!" she said. And the battle began.

"This battle could be tough," War Marina observed. "She seems to be unrestrained now that the dark force is influencing her. Her arm is using its full power."
"Wait so we can just stall until it runs out of power!" War Marie determined. "It should be draining faster so as long as we dodge attacks we're good to go!"
"That was probably your longest sentence in which you didn't swear" War Marina quipped.
"Fffffffuck off, there's a time and place for those quips but not now!" War Marie yelled back.
"Haha you idiots are just wasting time" Dark Callie said.
"Yeah that's literally our ffffffucking plan" said War Marie. "Besides if you're so strong why haven't you attacked yet?"
"Because professionals have standards" Dark Callie explained, "it would just be rude of me to attack someone while they're strategizing!"
War Marina and War Marie began to intensely strategize for a while. However the dark energy was actually providing extra power to the arm and it already takes ages for it to run out so the idea was pretty stupid in hindsight.
"This idea was pretty stupid in hindsight" War Marina complained.

Kirby suddenly caught up to them. He had to fight Dark Callie now and was storing some powerful abilities for use in his stomach. Hopefully he would do a better job than those bumbling cephalopods. (WM/N Hey that's pretty ffffffucking rude)
First he pulled out Metal. He became immune to all of Dark Callie's various attacks.
"What!" said Dark Callie. "You're completely impervious to my laser of darkness!"
He couldn't take any damage at all!
"Dude are you gonna ffffffucking attack or what" exclaimed War Marie. Metal Kirby tried to jump up to Dark Callie to attack her but he couldn't reach. It was fucking pathetic.
"This is ffffffucking pathetic" said War Marie. (A/N not you too!)
War Marie fired a bullet at Dark Callie from a sniper rifle. It did a decent amount of damage but really not that much.
"Fffffffuck I should've brought more rounds" War Marie reasoned, "considering I was intending on fighting that evil waddle guy. Hey wait where is that guy anyway?"
"Somewhere around here I guess" War Marina concluded. "I thought it'd be gone from this universe already by now but it's clearly still here. I just mistook the reading from this dark cloud thing for a Splitter Crystal."
"Well whatever, it'll have to wait until we've saved War Callie!" War Marie exclaimed. "Hopefully this pink guy does it because I cba"

"Ow" yelled Daroach, who had been thrown to the ground. He had been cornered. Dracula Waddle approached him menacingly, its crimson gaze fixed on him.
"Please have mercy!" Daroach begged. "I'm not a super nice guy I know but I don't think I deserve this fate!"
Dracula Waddle didn't care and was getting ready for its meal. Daroach had nowhere to run. He pulled his ice cane out and fired it but a strange red mist shrugged off the attack. Dracula Waddle had become too powerful.
Daroach thought quickly how to escape his demise but couldn't come up with anything that would work. Dracula Waddle blocked all attacks from the front and Daroach had been hit so hard by the rope that he couldn't get up to run just yet.
"Noooo!" Daroach yelled, accepting his fate. "I'm sorry for failing you all!"
All of a sudden, a bomb fell from above and hit Dracula Waddle on the head. It looked up to see where the attack was coming from. Before Daroach could even react, a super fast shuriken flew into Dracula Waddle's back. Spinni jumped in and started pummeling Dracula Waddle, speeding away whenever it turned to face him so that it couldn't block the attacks. Daroach's gang had come to save him!
Daroach tossed a firey bomb while Dracula Waddle's back was turned for big damage. Doc revealed himself in his UFO and suddenly grabbed Dracula Waddle with a mechanical arm as Storo stomped in for a finishing blow that sent Dracula Waddle flying. Their cooperation was amazing. Dracula Waddle hastily vanished in a red mist to a random other universe before it took any more damage.
"Thanks for saving me guys," Daroach gasped as Storo helped him get up. "I thought I was a goner!"
"We weren't about to just let you die out here" Spinni said. "We always try to stay near you in case of things like this."
"Indeed, that Waddle Dee really isn't so threatening if you manage to attack it when it can't see it coming" Doc mused.
"I'm sorry for being such a bad leader" Daroach said. "Turns out that treasure chest was full of some dark force. Had it not been for those weirdo squidkids who just showed up I would've been consumed by it. Dedede probably had it sealed away for good reason. It was irresponsible of me to steal it in the first place."
"Don't let it get you down" Storo insisted reassuringly. "Now come on, let's go steal something worth stealing!"
"Wait" Daroach said. "Those guys stole my Triple Star. We should go after them and get it back!"
(WM/N uggghhhh this scene is so ffffffucking boring! Let's get back to the action already!)

Next Kirby pulled out the Magic ability. He threw some cards at Dark Callie. It wasn't very effective.
"That wasn't very effective" War Marina mentioned "but at least this ability can move properly."
Kirby knew how he could achieve victory. He activated the Magic Roulette, a one-use move with a variety of effects.
"Hmmmm" thought War Marina, analyzing the move with her Move Analyzer. "It's a one-use move with a variety of effects. He's probably going for the explosion one which destroys all nearby enemies."
"Well not if I can help it!" exclaimed Dark Callie as she began to charge a laser.
"Faxdamnit War Marina, why'd you explain his move out loud?!" complained War Marie.
"For posterity's sake" War Marina explained. "Not everyone knows how Kirby's abilities work." (A/N That's literally my job you dick! Just leave the explaining to an out-of-universe narrator and your problems are all solved!)
Dark Callie was about to fire her laser. Kirby had to stop the roulette on something before he got hit. He landed on getting another random ability which is worse than he was hoping for. He ended up with Hammer then leapt out of the way.
"That's Hammer Kirby" War Marina began. (A/N War Marina who do you think you are, Meta Knight in the anime or some shit? Stfu I'll take it from here. Hammer is a powerful ability with great damage output, often used for speedrunning bosses because it's so strong. Defeating Dark Callie with Hammer shouldn't be too hard.)
Hammer Kirby leapt at Dark Callie and spammed Ultra-Giant Swing. Then he charged a Hammer Flip and hit her with it. (A/N I know technically it should be the Hammer moveset from Squeak Squad but whatever it's better this way) Dark Callie was defeated in an instant and fell to the ground.
"Wow that wasn't so hard" War Marie exclaimed. "Surely we could've done that ourselves right? We literally defeated an Apex Warmonger with 7 Chaos Emeralds didn't we?"
"Yeah but I wasn't feeling it to be honest" War Marina revealed. "Lol fair enough nor was I" explained War Marie in response.

The dark force began to let go of War Callie. It hopped away in the form of a star.
"Thanks for saving me guys" said War Callie upon recovering.
"No problem!" said War Marina. "We worked very hard to help you"
"Yeah I knew you would" War Callie responded. "You're the best teammates ever!" (WM/N as if lmfffffffffao)
"Poyo!" exclaimed Kirby as he began to chase after Dark Nebula.
"Uh should we do something about that dark star thingy?" War Marina inquired.
"Nah we already saved War Callie" War Marie pointed out. "And besides that guy's already got it under control."
"You should probably give him back the flashy star cane thing" War Callie pointed out. (WC/N I'm loving all the stars in this universe. Like both the good guys and the bad guys are associated with stars that's pretty cool I think.)
"Ok it's not really my style anyway" admitted War Marie and she threw the Triple Star to Kirby. He caught it and ran out of sight, chasing Dark Nebula.
"Hey wait!" War Marina exclaimed. "That wasn't Kirby's weapon, it was the mouse guy's!"
"Lol ffffffuck that dude" War Marie yelled. "He couldn't even catch up to us before we were done fighting. Pathetic."
"Well anyway!" said War Callie. "Now that we're done time wasting, let's get back to looking for that dracula dude!"
"Wait!" said War Marie. "War Callie, what happened to your arm?"
The three of them looked down at War Callie's cybernetic arm. The glass screen on it was noticeably cracked.
"Oh I remember" said War Callie. "While I was all dark, someone managed to call me on my arm. Probably hacked into it or something since I don't give anyone outside our squad my number. Whatever the case they screamed while they were calling and seemed to break it."
"Oh! That must've been the scream we heard!" realised War Marie.
"Hmmmmmmmmm" pondered War Marina. "A scream that could've broken glass. Must've been someone with an extremely powerful voice."
"Too bad the thing's busted so I can't check call history" said War Callie.
"That should be easy to fix when we're back at base" said War Marina. "Until then let's go stop Dracula Waddle!"
Suddenly, Daroach and his gang the Squeaks ran past. They were in search of the Triple Star. Before long, Kirby appeared. "Poyo" he said. He had defeated Dark Nebula!
"Damn that was quick" mused War Callie. "I guess it isn't so powerful without a host to possess."
Kirby was still feeling unfulfilled, however. He was missing something.
"Kirby!" said Daroach. "I'm really sorry about all that stealing stuff. How'd you like to trade that Triple Star for your cake?"
"Poyo!!!!" said Kirby who was ecstatic once again. Feeling fulfilled, he made the trade before leaving on his Warp Star.
"Well all's well that ends well" said War Marina.
"What the ffffffuck are you talking about?!" said War Marie. "This hasn't ended at all! We still haven't even found Dracula Waddle!"
"Oh, that thing?" said Daroach, overhearing. "It vanished already in some red mist."
War Marina checked her machine. "Oh no" she said. "He's right, it's gone to a different universe!"
"Then there's no time to waste!" exclaimed War Callie. "Let's go find it!"

Chapter Text

Kirby dealt the finishing blow. Landia had at last been defeated. The four dragons fell to the ground in unison. As Kirby and his friends began to celebrate, Magolor descended suddenly, applauding them slowly.
"Bravo, Kirby." he said ominously. "You've truly earned your reputation as a hero. Your help defeating Landia was invaluable."
Magolor snatched up the strange-looking crown that Landia had been wearing, which had fallen off after the battle. "Ah..." he mused. "At long last, it's mine!" He began to place it on his head. "The source of limitless power... The Master Crown!"
As he spoke, however, a strange red mist began to materialise beside him. Kirby and his friends watched in confusion as Dracula Waddle revealed itself.
"Ouch!" said Magolor as he was knocked aside. He dropped the Master Crown, which landed on Dracula Waddle's head as it tumbled to the ground.
"NO!" screamed Magolor as he rushed to reclaim the crown. But it was too late, as Dracula Waddle had already begun to mutate with the extreme power of the crown. He took on a huge, powerful form (A/N I shall leave the details of this form to your imagination)
Magolor began panicking. "Oh no!" he exclaimed. "That crown is a source of limitless power!" he explained to Kirby. "I needed to get it so I could, uh...put it somewhere safe where no one could reach it! Anyone who wears it becomes a villain bent on destruction of the planet! No, of the entire universe!"
Dracula Waddle was greatly enjoying its new form. With the power of both a Splitter Crystal and the Master Crown added to its pre-existing power, it had become practically unstoppable. By the time Kirby had begun rushing to attack it, it had already vanished in a scarlet smoke.

Just as it left, some more interlopers suddenly appeared in a flash. "Ok" said War Marina, "this should be the universe where Dracula Waddle went to."
"You mean the guy who took the Master Crown just now?!" exclaimed Magolor. "It looked kind of like a Waddle Dee, but its eyes were red!"
"Sounds about right" confirmed War Callie. "Where'd it go?"
"I have no idea!" responded Magolor. "It just showed up, stole the crown and vanished!"
"Oh come the ffffffuck on" said War Marie. "You mean it went to another universe already?! That was way faster than last time!"
"He's right" said War Marina, checking her device. "The energy reading is from some other universe, except now it's even stronger!"
"If you're planning on chasing it, we could use some help!" offered Magolor. "My ship can get you between dimensions in a jiffy thanks to Kirby's help with repairing it!"
"Thanks, but we already have our own universe-crossing travel method" said War Marina, revealing her Splitter Crystal. Magolor was intrigued.
"Well" he began. "Since all of us have the same goal, we ought to join forces! Teamwork is probably the only shot we have at defeating that monster!"
"He's right again" agreed War Marina. "There's no way just the three of us could take that thing on."
"Wait!" said War Callie. "How about we go get the others from base? They'll surely be of help to us!"
"You've got to be ffffucking kidding me," said War Marie. "I came with you to get away from those ffffucking newbies! Any help they can give us will be negligible at best!"
"War Callie's right, though" said War Marina. "We'll need all the help we can get. Okay egg guy, let's team up. How about you go chase it down in that ship of yours while we get backup?"
"My name is Magolor!" exclaimed Magolor. "And I'd love to help you, but I don't even know where that thing went off to!"
"Not a problem" sad War Marina, handing him a tracking device. "This'll let you see about where it is, and I'll also be able to see where you are so we can rejoin you."
"Wait, you just have spares of those things on you at all times?" questioned War Callie.
"Of course I do!" responded War Marina. "I always make at least two of all my inventions. It's extremely convenient in situations like this!"
"Looks like I'll need to use more of my Starcutter's power than usual" Magolor noted. "But that shouldn't be too bad now that I've got all my Energy Spheres back. I'll see you soon! Come on, Kirby!"
Magolor and Team Kirby (A/N I haven't named them yet so just in case you forgot it's Kirby, Dedede, Meta Knight, and Bandana Waddle Dee) hurried off to board their ship, while War Marina used her Splitter Crystal to return to base. (A/N Also Landia regained consciousness and was confused but who cares)

"AYYYYYYYY (FUCK YES I CAUGHT ALL 30 EGGS)" exclaimed War Man as he played Kirby's Return to Dream Land Deluxe. "Ay! (And it only took me 86 attempts and most of my sanity!)"
"Nice one War Man!" War Frye exclaimed.
"Yeah cool I guess" said War Shiver, mesmerized as she watched the credits sequence of Morbius.
War Marina, War Callie, and War Marie all reappeared. "Hello again guys!" War Callie exclaimed.
"Hi!" said War Frye. "Did you stop that villain guy?"
"Yeah about that" said War Marina. "It somehow stole this magic crown thing and now it's super powerful and almost impossible to defeat."
"Serves you guys right" War Shiver remarked.
"Shut the ffffffuck up War Shiver!" War Marie yelled. "You got us into this mess in the first place, now you've gotta help us get out of it!"
"But I thought you said it was impossible to defeat" War Shiver reminded.
"I said almost impossible" War Marina corrected. "Basically we teamed up with this egg guy called Mafolor or something and he's gonna help us. But we'll more than likely need you guys to assist as well. You're already pretty strong so the more the merrier!" (WM/N already pretty strong my ffffffucking ass)
"Ay? (Are you certain you trust this guy?)" War Man asked.
"Eh, doesn't really matter" War Marina stated. "We have no reason not to. But even if he doesn't help us, our entire squad working together should be enough to win."
"Well let's go then!" said War Frye excitedly. "Should we bring the Infinity Stones?"
"Nah, it's too easy for stuff to go wrong if we bring those" said War Marina. "And I don't think we'll need them. Same reason we just brought one Splitter Crystal."
"Wait, you only brought one?" questioned War Shiver. "When you were fighting against a guy who absorbed mine? You're lucky you made it back here. What would your plan have been if that one broke? It's not like we have any idea how your teleportation machine thing works."
"Well, uhh..." War Marina hesitated. "I didn't want Dracula Waddle to steal them and power up even more...it sounded smart at the time."
"I thought you were meant to be our team's brains War Marina!" laughed War Frye.
"To be fair she's drunk half the ffffffucking time" pointed out War Marie.
"Ok fine! We'll bring one extra Splitter Crystal!" War Marina conceded. "Look, are you joining us or not?"
"Ay! (Sure, sounds like fun!)" said War Man.
"Wait, but I thought I was grounded!" recalled War Shiver.
"Well I guess we'll just leave you here on your own! Bye War Shiver!" announced War Marie. "I hope you like watching Morbius alone in the dark with no one to keep you company while everyone else is out cleaning up the mess you made!"
"Ok fine, I'll come" said War Shiver. "But don't blame me if this goes wrong (which it probably will)."
"Why wouldn't we blame you?" asked War Marie. "You literally ffffffucking started all this!"
"Guys! Stop arguing, we're wasting time!" War Callie exclaimed. She grabbed her own Splitter Crystal. "We'll bring this one as well as the one War Marina had. Now let's go!"
The squad, complete once more, headed off to Magolor's location through the Inator. (A/N there's no one I'm forgetting right?)

The six War Splats appeared suddenly on the Lor Starcutter's deck.
"Ok, this is that egg guy's location" said War Marina. "I assume this is the ship he was talking about."
"He doesn't seem to have gotten very far" commented War Callie.
"Didn't he say something about his ship being weak?" asked War Marie.
"Ay? (Wait, where is he?)" said War Man. The War Squad were the only people on the deck.
"Maybe he's inside!" guessed War Frye.
"Where's the fucking door?" asked War Shiver. "I can't see it anywhere!"
"Hang on, I'll try teleporting again" said War Marina. She used her Splitter Crystal to teleport, this time successfully making it into the cabin.
"Oh, there you guys are!" said Magolor, accompanied by Team Kirby. He seemed to have installed the radar War Marina gave him into his ship. "Wow, you sure have an interesting squad!"
"Why is there no door in here?" asked War Shiver. "We had to teleport from the deck to get in here!"
"Oh, sorry about that" said Magolor. "The door is on the side of the ship. It's only open when it's landed. Don't ask me why, I didn't design this ship."
"Wait, so who did?" inquired War Callie.
"The ancients did long ago using an incredible power. Kind of a long story." explained Magolor. "Anyway, I'm not having much luck reaching that guy who stole the Master Crown. He's way further away than I usually ever go in this thing."
"I have an idea" offered War Marina. She pulled her Splitter Crystal out. "This thing has potent multiverse-travelling capabilities. It should help give your ship the boost it needs."
"Wow," said Magolor as he looked at the crystal shard. "It's so shiny!" Kirby had instinctively already started approaching it as though he wanted to collect it, but Dedede soon grabbed him and stopped him.
War Marina placed the Splitter Crystal on Magolor's control panel. "Uh, do any of you have some tape or something?"
"Aren't you the one who's meant to pull out convenient items right when they're needed?" asked War Shiver.
"Oh yeah I am" affirmed War Marina as she began searching her pockets. She found some really strong tape she made for no particular reason once and used it to stick the Splitter Crystal onto the panel.
"That should work probably" War Marina assessed.
"Um, are you sure?" Magolor questioned. "You just...taped it to my control panel?"
"I fffffucking can't with this" said War Marie angrily as she stomped towards the panel. "Sorry about her, she's drunk basically all the time" she said as she tried to rip the Splitter Crystal off. The tape was too strong, however.
"I mean if I had invented this ship I probably would've made it so that this would work" said War Marina.
"But you ffffffffffffucking didn't invent it! It was made ages ago in a completely different universe, you moron!" War Marie yelled. "Now get over here War Callie and rip off this ffffucking tape."
War Callie obliged and ripped the tape off with her strong arm setting. (A/N only the arm's call function broke not the other functions)
"Where do you put your energy sources?" she asked Magolor.
"Uh, over here" he responded (WM/N What the ffffffuck is this scene? This is boring as shit. You can count on War Marina to waste this much time I guess. Anyway we put the crystal somewhere actually sensible and the ship went faster.)
"Wow!" said Magolor. "That really seemed to do the trick! Now I can cross through universes and chase that crown with much more ease!"
"See?" said War Shiver. "This is why you bring spares."
"Oh come on!" War Marina yelled. "I usually bring spares of everything, I just didn't with the crystals because I didn't want any more to have their immense power absorbed!"
"Immense power?" questioned Magolor.
"Yeah, they take you across universes super well," War Marina explained, "but that Dracula Waddle guy decided to absorb all the power from one of them because War Shiver thought that might be fun!"
"No I fucking did not!" complained War Shiver. "I was trying to escape literal death by using the Splitter Crystal to teleport! You know, its main fucking purpose! How was I meant to know that guy would absorb it?!"
"Didn't you idolise him?" asked War Frye. "Like, you did research and all that?"
"Research on Dracula Waddle, not its reaction to Splitter Crystals!" spat War Shiver.
"I saved you though!" reminded War Marina. "You didn't need that Splitter Crystal anyway!"
"How the fuck was I meant to know you'd save me?!?!" War Shiver said. "I tried to leave in secret! I hadn't even told you I was going!"
"Well maybe I'll just leave you to die next time if you're that ungrateful!" suggested War Marina. "I just figured since you're a member of our team and stole my shootinging gun, I had no choice! And did you seriously think I wouldn't know you'd gone? After all the multiversal tracking I've done?!"
"Well I don't think you exactly see me as a friend!" War Shiver yelled. "For all I know you might have just saved the gun and left me stranded! Besides, you saved me literally right when I was about to die! If you'd left it a few more seconds I might have genuinely been murdered! Not exactly something to rely on! Especially since you already let me just stay there for literal hours!"
"Hours?!" War Marina yelled. "It was like, maybe 20 minutes! You know time passes inconsistently in the multiverse, right?"
"All the more reason not to trust you'd rescue me!" War Shiver snapped.
"GUYS!" yelled War Callie. "Seriously, stop arguing! That was like, a whole paragraph's worth and you got nowhere! We're never gonna defeat that guy if you keep this up!"
"Exactly!" agreed Magolor. "If everybody would just get along, it would make things so much easier. Nothing good comes of fighting!"
"Ay? (But aren't we gonna go fight that Dracula Waddle guy?)" War Man reminded.
"Yeah, but that's different" Magolor said. "The universe could be at stake. That's exactly why we need to work as a team!"
"I knew bringing the ffffucking newbies was a bad idea" War Marie commented.