Chapter Text
“This is agony.”
Nozel thinks he had quite a few bad days in his life. The latest worse time of his life was losing Vanessa. From there on, it’s just been a roller-coaster (Neran’s expression— Nozel, for one, had no idea what a roller-coaster aws): lots of downs, lots of ups, and a fast, bumpy ride in between.
First, Nozel and Vanessa had to get out of Owen’s infirmary, which proved harder than they thought it would be for obvious reasons. For Vanessa: rest was not possible to achieve at the Black Bulls’ hideout. No matter how much Vanessa begged Owen to finally let her go home, no matter how many times the Bulls said they would be calm, Owen knew the squad too well to give any credit to their words. Vanessa complained about the decision, but not for long. For Nozel: rest was not something he was very well known for. Nozel was known for going to work no matter what. Sadly for Nozel, no Silver Eagle vouched for him like the Bulls had for Vanessa. If anything, Alba d’Aubigné, the Vice Captain, thanked Owen for allowing Nozel to rest in the infirmary for so long. Nebra and Solid were also out of the question. Both of them agreed with Owen. Betrayed and abandoned by own family, Nozel had to stay quite a bit of time in Owen’s infirmary. Too long, if you asked him.
It was a nice time, though. Like time was suspended, like as long as Vanessa and Nozel were forced to stay in the infirmary, they were in a secluded place, away from people who weren’t privy to their secret. The infirmary staff knew, but thankfully kept it to themselves. Long strolls (as long as they could in their state) in the infirmary garden, entire days spent just napping and chit-chatting. It was nice to laze around once in a while, Nozel would give Vanessa that. The idea of getting a vacation with her didn’t seem too bad. After all, the squad hadn’t crashed and burned yet.
But then they both went home. They both went their separate ways. And it was time, after such a long period of rest, to tackle the next issue. Telling their respective families.
It was a bad time, Nozel will confess. If Nebra claimed she knew and said she didn’t have anything against ‘the witch’, it was a bit harder with Noelle. The day he went to the Black Bulls’ hideout and asked to speak to Noelle in private while Vanessa was in the other room, telling the other Bulls herself. Nozel had insisted he wanted to tell Noelle himself. After a long awkward moment of silence in what looked like the Black Bulls’ base archive room, Nozel had spit it out in the most casual way he could. He still remembers to this day how Noelle blinked and seemingly didn’t react for a few long seconds, until she asked him to repeat. When she finally processed the information, she had a hundred questions. It was clear to Nozel that she was confused. Beyond confused. Shocked. Very. But not flat-out against, so Nozel took it as a win. Nozel hadn’t expected the stares he got when he finally got out of that room, an entire squad, admittedly the scariest squad in the kingdom, looking at him like he had just committed a crime.
It took time. But the Bulls and Noelle came around. They were great allies when Nozel and Vanessa tackled the next hurdle: the royal hearing. The royal hearing preparation went incredibly well. Vanessa was a fast-learner. She memorized most answers easily and expertly spat them out when doing mock-hearings. She was charming, eloquent and just cheeky enough for the Heads to know that she will be a good fit for royalty. Fleur suggested they argued she was royalty herself, having been raised by the Queen of Witches. Unfortunately, it meant bringing more attention to Vanessa being a witch. Somehow, they pulled through. In the end, the contract was most of what they discussed during the hearing. It wasn’t like Nozel hadn’t expected it, but it was hard for him to keep his cool, and even more so when they went about section IV. Going over the various points before the hearing was hard enough, but doing it with Augustus and Leonard in the room… it was more infuriating than anything in the world, really.
They got the hearing. They got the blessing. Not too bad a contract too, if Nozel is being honest. He got a better contract than what was decided for Asta and Noelle. Nozel still holds onto the fact that once Leonard and Augustus aren’t House Heads anymore, a better contract can be re-negotiated… hopefully.
Public scrutiny was the hardest part of it all. Fleur and Nebra did a wonderful job, though. And the Bulls too, in their own… kind of way. Nozel was relieved about how little Vanessa cared about the rumors, but, once again, she proved to be just as strong as she had always been.
So yes. Nozel has had quite a few tough times in his life, even before losing Vanessa. He has never used the word ‘agony’ to describe his situation, though. But this. Right now. Is pure agony.
“Agony,” Nozel repeats between his teeth. “Utter agony.”
“Don’t you dare turn,” Fuegoleon says. “It’s bad luck.”
Nozel clenches his teeth, glaring at the priest in front of him like he’s somehow responsible for this entire ordeal.
Oh, did he not mention it? He’s getting married today. Actually, wedding preparations? Agony too. Especially with a best man like Fuegoleon. Nozel thought he might go the Vanessa way and pick someone from the opposite sex as his best man like she picked Finral Vaude as a bridesmaid. Nebra or Alba would have been a better pick, honestly. Honestly.
Fuegoleon is organized. He’s upbeat and everyone likes him and he does get the job done. He’s perfect as a best man, Nozel has nothing to say about it. But he is just so… smug about it all. Like right now, as Nozel is left to stare at a decrepit priest while Fuegoleon can glance at the bride shamelessly.
“Vanessa is stunning, Nozel. You are missing out.”
“Do not dare tell me this, you damn Vermillion.”
“Yami also cleaned up well.”
“I have no interest in Yami. Is Vanessa smiling?”
“She is.”
“Is it a genuine smile or is it strained?”
“I cannot tell.”
“You’re utterly useless. Why did I agree to a traditional wedding? I want to turn.”
“You’d better not.”
“Do you have the rings?”
“For the hundredth time Nozel, yes. I have the rings, I have your emergency vows, I have everything in order. Just relax and be patient.”
Nozel sighs and closes his eyes. If he can’t see Vanessa, might as well not see anything. Nozel doesn’t want to remember the priest’s face as intensely as it’s now burning in his mind. Instead, he focuses on his vows.
It was hard to write them. He had to write something that could be said in front of nobles and royals and Vanessa’s squad members and mostly… in front of Vanessa. Nebra and Noelle argued back and forth about Nozel’s drafts, Nebra finding them ‘corny’ and claiming that she would ‘leave House Silva if Nozel said them as were’. Noelle defended the ‘corniness’ (thus acknowledging it, which got Nozel thinking he might have to rewrite the vows entirely) and said at least they came from the heart. In the end, Nozel showed them to Fuegoleon and Fleur to get a proper, normal opinion.
Today, Nozel is satisfied with the vows he wrote. He thinks they’re good. They’re not perfect, they don’t encompass everything he feels, but Nozel knows that he will have a billion more occasions to express his feelings in the future. When he’s married.
“Oh, Vanessa just laughed.”
“Did she? Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are the bridesmaids following properly?”
“Yes, they are. So is Finral Vaude. I was afraid he’d be out of place but he blends right in.”
“Again, I have no interest in Finral Vaude. I hate this tradition.”
“I love it for one. You should see your face, Nozel.”
“I wish I could see my bride’s.”
“She’s here.”
Vanessa smiles brightly as she stops by Nozel’s side. Nozel vaguely registers Yami being in the vicinity but honestly couldn’t care less. There is nothing right now, nothing in the entire world beside those rosewood curls tucked into a complex hairdo, her amethyst eyes shining bright, the loveliest smile on her lips.
“My,” Vanessa says. “You’re dashing, honey. Honestly, so handsome… Where do I sign for this man to be my husband already?”
The priest doesn’t laugh; there isn’t even the hint of a smile on his face as he wearily takes out his book. Nozel thinks that this is unfair that he’ll have to turn and face the priest again when Vanessa is right here. Right by his side. The most beautiful she’s ever looked.
It’s bittersweet. It’s in times like these that Nozel can’t help but think What would mother say if she was here? He used to ask himself this question so often. Every time he made a decision with the squad. Every time he found himself in a tough spot. Every time something was going awfully wrong and Nozel had no way to stop it. But now, he simply wonders how it would be if his mother had met Vanessa. If she could see just how beautiful she is. If she could see how effortlessly perfect she is. If she could stand in this room next to Nebra, Solid and Noelle and watch Nozel as he says I do.
“Lord Silva,” the priest says.
“Just a second,” Nozel says.
Vanessa glances over at him and chuckles. Her chuckles are so lovely.
“You’re beautiful,” Nozel says.
It’s simple, but true. It’s the only truth right now. Vanessa smiles and cocks her head to the side, gesturing at the priest, “Thank you, honey. Let’s get this over with, shall we?”
Nozel nods, “Let’s get married.”
♣
Vanessa is getting married.
Now if you had told her a few years ago that she would be getting married, she wouldn’t have believed you. Hell, if you had told her only a few months ago, when Nozel got engaged to a foreign princess, she probably would have harmed you. It wasn’t her greatest era, Vanessa will confess. She’ll always have to live with the knowledge that her lows can be very lows. But her highs are also very high. And that’s what she holds onto.
Vanessa wonders what straight-out-of-the-Forest Vanessa would say. Maybe she would hope it’s Yami. Well, it’s not. If there is one thing Vanessa learned as soon as she left the Forest, it’s love. How to love people who don’t love themselves, how to love people who have no one else in the world, how to love people who are utter, complete disasters but so, so beautiful. The Bulls are her family and she will not back down on this term no matter what the royal heads say. They’re all sitting in the church, cheering and clapping. They’re all here to celebrate. What do Black Bulls do better than partying? …oh yeah. Fighting, maybe. Fighting definitely. And loving each other.
Yami took Vanessa down the aisle, posing as her father. And maybe this is who he is to her. A father or an older brother, someone who took her out of a bad situation when she couldn’t save herself, someone who showed her the world. In more ways than one did Yami raise her. He opened her eyes, gave her a life she was denied by her mother. Gave her freedom and never asked anything in return. Vanessa will never forget his face when she asked him to please take her down the aisle. Me? Shit. Shit, do I have to shave? Typical Yami.
As the priest rambles on and on, Vanessa can’t help but turn to glance at the Bulls. Finral, standing with the Black Bulls’ girls as another bridesmaid because Vanessa simply couldn’t have her brother simply watch. The girls, who helped Vanessa prepare for the wedding with an enthusiasm Vanessa had barely ever witnessed in them. The boys, sitting on benches, bored to hell and hell Zora is even napping.
Vanessa can’t help but chuckle as she puts her attention back to the priest. The priest doesn’t care, keeps talking, but Nozel turns his head towards her, surprised at the chuckle. And then he smiles the softest smile, his eyes brightening up as he does.
Handsome. Just so handsome.
The moment he pulled her into a room, asking about Noelle’s (Nebra’s) tattoo, the moment in Spade when he started to look a little more human to her, Finral’s wedding, the bottle of Heart wine, the Royal Party fiasco, the dinner, that night at the belvedere, Blanc, endless back-and-forth… There are so many moments, so many little memories, fragments that make a beautiful picture. It’s not a painting but it’s undoubtedly a work of art. A tapestry, one Vanessa and Nozel weaved together with the help they got from their closest friends and family members.
Vanessa is a stitch witch. She reels threads, alters Fate, and got her own life entangled with Nozel’s. She is inked, yes. She hates Fate, maybe. But it’s alright.
If their meeting had anything to do with Fate, then be it.
If their falling in love had anything to do with Fate, then be it.
Who cares how happiness comes to you? Your only job is to hold onto it.