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“Goodbye, be safe, stay alive,” Regulus told him as he shoved him into the car. The drugs were only just now finally wearing off.
But he still couldn’t see.
Reg slammed the door, whoever was driving him revved up the engine, and he was gone.
“Sirius! I’m so glad you’re okay! Do you feel normal?” James asked. Sirius heard his voice coming from his right. James must’ve been driving the car.
“Well, actually Prongs, um, I can’t see.”
“Oh. Is this permanent?”
“I don’t know! I hope not! The drug is wearing off but, I still can’t see!”
He couldn’t see the rain pounding on the car. He couldn’t see James’ face. It was always so expressive. Was he pouting right now? How worried was he? He couldn’t see the road. He couldn’t watch for red lights and yell at James. God, maybe he would die today.
“Sirius?” he eventually heard James ask.
Oh. He was crying.
James reached over and squeezed his hand. They stayed like that for a bit. Sirius thought that this doubled their chances of crashing, especially with such a precarious driver, but he found that he didn’t mind. Dying right here, right now, right next to James, it really didn’t sound terrible.
They managed to live. Sirius didn’t know how or why.
“Is there anywhere you want to go? I can take you back if-“
“I can’t. If… If El of all people took such drastic action to get me out of there, I… I can’t go back. I can’t. Take me anywhere, James. Anywhere.”
“Alright. Lets keep driving for a bit. You can stay at mine. Forever I mean. Just gotta ask my mum but I’m sure she’ll understand.”
“You sure sound like a man who’s totally not nervous about talking to his mum.”
“Shush.”
And so he continued in his disorientedness. He wondered how fast crashing into a truck could kill him, or maybe a building. Maybe if they got onto the highway, they could crash fast enough that their deaths would be painless.
Shit he was crying again.
“Why are you smiling?” James asked. Oh shit.
“You don’t want to know. Just, keep driving, anywhere.”
“Ok.” James responded. Did James trust him? Was he pouting? How tightly were his hands gripping the wheel? Was he wearing that ratty old hogwarts sweatshirt that he could never seem to get rid of? How messy was his hair today?
He would not see James get married. He would never see James’ bride.
Oh. He would never see himself again. How would he..?!
“Sirius!”
Oh fuck. He was screaming.
“I’m sorry, Jamie. Maybe we should head to yours now.”
The only reason Sirius fell asleep that night was the sheer glee of never having to see Walburga’s face ever again.