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He was in a church.
It wasn't like he'd never been in one, but it certainly had been a while. Boots click and echo on the cold stone floor as Vash the Stampede walks past dusty pews and observes the high ceilings, unsure what had brought him here of all places.
A ragged inhale startles him and he turns, just in time to see a man fall to his knees.
Wolfwood.
"My sins are too heavy… too heavy to ever atone."
The man in front of him kneels before the church altar, his Punisher braced against one shoulder as he takes shuddering breaths. His words are spoken softly, as if to himself, or maybe Wolfwood believes there is someone else listening in this sanctuary.
"Wolfwood!"
Vash calls out, or he tries to, as he hurriedly stumbles forward. The man in question doesn't seem to hear him, even as Vash kneels down beside him.
He's hurt, badly. Vash could tell from afar just by the tense line of pain in Nick's shoulders. Now that they're level, he sees the wounds in question, slowly dripping crimson onto the tiles below. Vash runs a hand roughly through his hair, unsure, before moving to touch the undertaker… tend to his wounds… hold him… something. His hand stops just short when Nick lifts his head from its previously bowed position and begins speaking again, still not acknowledging Vash's presence.
"And yet, somehow I feel happy." He lets out a strangled laugh and smiles. "At peace with myself today. Once you stop to think about it there are plenty of ways to save everyone."
Vash studies this man's face as he stares straight ahead and he feels a knot form in the pit of his stomach. This man isn't Wolfwood. Isn't his Nick. He looks much… older. Wearier. The planes of his face, the style of his hair, now that he really looks even what he's wearing is all just slightly… off. And yet…
"Why didn't I ever listen to him? Why didn't I see that before it was too late?" Not-Wolfwood fumbles shakily into the breast of his suit jacket and removes a crumpled cigarette. He lights it with unsteady hands but is able to make it to his mouth. He takes a long drag.
"That tastes good."
It is Wolfwood. Vash knows this with a certainty that he cannot deny despite having no idea where it comes from.
"Those things'll kill you." Vash tries for levity, but it comes out more shaky and raw than he wants. It doesn't seem to matter, as this Wolfwood continues like Vash isn't there at all.
"If I am reincarnated, I'd like to live somewhere where life is easier. Somewhere with nothing but peaceful days. Somewhere with no stealing. No killing." The softest smile Vash has ever seen on the other man, on the version of this man that he knows, plays across his lips. "Eden."
"In Eden, I could live happily with him, and the girls." Vash's heart stutters in his chest. A place everyone could live together in love and peace. It's a desire he himself has always had, but not one he thought Wolfwood shared. He can feel a burning behind his eyes and his brows knit together. He tries one last time to get Nick's attention. He tries to close their distance, reaching a hand out to touch the side of Nick's face and… his hand ghosts right through. Vash blinks and feels a tear slip free. He retracts his hand completely as Wolfwood's gaze turns fierce. He grits his teeth and scrabbles at the Punisher, leaning further forward as if trying to hoist himself back on his feet.
"I'm not ready yet! There's still so much left to be done! I want to stay with them! I don't want to die!" The desperation in his voice, the fight and fire in his eyes. His need to survive. As soon as it flared to life, it was gone, buried under a somber haze that settled in those dark eyes. Vash knew deep in his soul how this would end.
"Was I…?" Nick chokes and shuts his eyes. He shudders a moment, then steadies himself with a deep breath.
"Was everything I did in my life a mistake?" His voice cracks and Vash sees Nicholas D. Wolfwood begin to cry. "Would I be wrong now to ask for your forgiveness?"
"I forgive you." Vash says, as if Nick can hear him. As if Nick is asking for Vash's forgiveness in the first place. As if any of this matters.
"I did not want to die this way!" One last outburst. One last rail against an unjust universe, and then Nick's hand falls limp against the ground with an audible slap that echoes deafeningly in Vash's ears. The tension seeps out of Wolfwood's body as he leans further forward into his cross, head bowed down once more as if in prayer. His eyes drift closed.
Vash jerks awake.
The sky above him is a dark indigo scattered with pinpricks of starlight and the occasional passing insect, where just moments ago bright sunlight had filtered through church windows and the twittering of birds could be heard outside. He can feel himself shaking. Heaving, shuddering breaths, his own, fill his ears and he touches a hand lightly to his cheek to feel damp tear tracks.
It was just a dream. But god, did it feel real. He tries to calm himself by repeating over and over that it was just a dream, only a dream, but the pit in his stomach that had formed when he had first seen that strange, off Wolfwood was still there. With every assertion he makes that what he had just witnessed wasn't true, a bone deep part of him echoes back 'but it was' .
He digs his hands into the sand below him, wiggling his fingers and allowing grains to slip over, around, between them. He hopes the longer he’s awake, the more the dream would begin to slip away too, fade into nothingness until he could barely remember what happened. But every time he blinks he sees Wolfwood, kneeling, head bowed, propping up the Punisher as he fell oh so still.
Vash sits up fully. He definitely isn't falling back asleep tonight. He brushes his sandy hands off on his joggers as he looks over to his still sleeping compatriots. Meryl is turned on her side, curled tight on her bedroll with a blanket tucked up under her chin and a hand pillowing her cheek. Her breathing is deep and even. Roberto is sprawled not far away, laid on his back with his mouth hanging open as he snores softly. Wolfwood is… Vash's eyes widen as he looks around more urgently. Wolfwood isn't here.
He scrambles to his feet, heart hammering in his chest. There isn't a church around them for iles, the vision he had seen wasn't… couldn't have possibly been of now. But of the future? Vash shakes his head as he begins to walk around their little campsite, determined to find the wayward Wolfwood. He wants to yell for him, but settles on an urgent whisper for the sake of his other companions.
"Wolfwood?"
He hears a huff from not far away and turns abruptly in that direction. Nick is sitting on the roof of the car, leaning back on his hands with a cigarette held between his teeth, smoke curling lazily upwards as he looks back at Vash. He gives Vash a little salute and Vash is able to shake some of the tension from his shoulders as he lopes over towards the undertaker.
"Yo, Needle-noggin," he smirks as Vash comes to join him. "Bad dreams, huh?" Vash winces at the thought of Nick witnessing the slightly desperate state in which he had awoken. He hums an affirmation and offers a weak smile. "You could say that."
Wolfwood grunts as he scooches to one side and pats the roof of the car next to him, clearly an invitation. Vash accepts, hoisting himself up as the car bounces and creaks slightly underneath them. He lets his legs dangle over the side as Wolfwood's do, his knee drifting and bumping lightly into the other man's. Wolfwood doesn't move away and Vash is relieved, the small point of contact helping to tether him more firmly to the now .
The two sit in companionable silence as Nick finishes off his cigarette and flicks the butt into the sand. Vash's eyes drift from the stars above them to the man beside him, willing the image of this version of him, his Nick, to take up the space in his mind occupied by the other. Nick is still watching the campsite, eyes scanning over the two sleeping reporters, an ever vigilant guard he supposes. Vash takes the opportunity to try and memorize the way this Wolfwood's hair is tousled, with some shorter strands slightly curling up. He studies the angle of his jaw and the curve of his nose, he definitely feels younger than the one in his dream.
"You should ask shorty to borrow her camera. Take a picture." It'll last longer . Vash doesn't respond but does immediately look away, ducking his head at being caught staring. Nick snorts but doesn't press further. After another moment of peaceful silence, Vash finds his voice.
"You… are you actually religious? Do you-" he fumbles, not quite sure what he wants to ask. Wolfwood groans softly and pulls out another cigarette, clearly not excited about this line of questioning.
"Look, Spikey I don't really want to-"
"Reincarnation!" Vash hurriedly interrupts, remembering what the other Wolfwood had said. This Nick falls silent. "Do you think… Do you believe you lived a life before this one?" He's looking out across the desert, but he can feel Nick's eyes on him, considering. Vash hears him take a long pull before exhaling.
"Well," he starts and Vash turns back to look at him. His brow is creased in proper consideration of the question. Vash is relieved he's not laughing him off about this. "If I did I must have majorly fucked up," he chuckles but Vash can see he doesn't actually find it funny. "Did something real unforgivable to get put on this miserable wasteland of a planet, and to get dealt my shitty hand in life." He lets out another puff of smoke and frowns. "Should kick that guy's ass for whatever he did since I gotta deal with the fallout in this life." He glances at Vash and shrugs as his eyes dart away, maybe a bit embarrassed that he took Vash's offhand question so seriously. "Or, you know, whatever."
They fall silent again, less comfortable than before. Vash fiddles with a joint on his prosthetic hand. "Hmm, guess I must have done something pretty rotten too then, to wind up stuck with an asshole like you." Nick shoves him but lets out a proper laugh at that. Vash smiles, glad to have successfully broken the dour mood.
"What brought this up, huh?" He's finishing up his second cigarette as he loosens his posture and returns to the lean that Vash first spotted him in.
"Oh, yeah nothing. Just… late night musings and all. Getting profound, pondering life's great mysteries is just what you do at three in the morning, right?" He's smiling and gesturing animatedly but Nick looks at him like he doesn't believe a single word. He doesn't say anything though, since Vash lets him get away with lying to his face all the time. Nick owes it to him to just let this one go.
"Well if Vash the Philosopher is going to stay up all night pondering, then I'm going to grab some shut eye." He smudges his cigarette out on the roof of the car, not caring to wipe the ash away. Meryl certainly won't ever see it. He makes to hop down from the truck and Vash, instinctually, makes an aborted movement to stop him, not ready to lose the comfort of having Wolfwood near him, alive and well. Nick stops, and narrows his eyes questioningly. Vash shrugs, avoiding direct eye contact. Nick sighs and lays all the way back on the roof of the car, arms behind his head.
"I'm going to sleep like ass up here."
Vash smiles, small and genuine. "Probably."
"If my back acts up tomorrow it's on you."
"Sure, sure, old man."
Nick grumbles but closes his eyes and Vash watches as his breaths slow and even out. Vash will keep vigil the rest of the night, ensuring the safety of their little group. He wonders, as he looks up at the stars, if the Wolfwood from his dream didn't have a Vash to watch his back.