Chapter Text
THAT ONE BIZARRE GUY: Hello readers, so here’s a quick disclaimer, first off this is a troll fic, there is no real Sara who actually made this and believes everything she wrote, this was just made to get people riled up, but for the purposes of riffing this story, all of my characters will be under the impression this isn’t a troll fic and Sara really does exist and believes everything she wrote. Secondly, there’s a lot of potentially triggering things in this fanfiction. There is homophobia and rape trivialization in near every chapter, and racism, sexism, and fat shaming in multiple chapters, especially in the second half. If you can’t handle these topics, please stop reading this as soon as you feel uncomfortable. Owen, Hobbies, Ace, and B.B. have to read this, but you don’t have to. Reading our previous riffing on My Immortal is helpful, but not required. Now that we’ve got that covered, enjoy the show.
Owen, Hobbies, Ace and B.B. are walking through a Home Depot, putting supplies for a project of B.B.'s into a cart. Suddenly screams are heard throughout the store.
OWEN: What was that?
B.B.: Screams, obviously.
ACE: We should do something!
HOBBIES: No, really?
Owen pulls out his swords, Annie and Clarabelle and imbues them with electricity.
HOBBIES: You brought swords to a Home Depot?
OWEN: Did you expect me not to?
The four start to run to the screams, before being knocked out. When they awaken, they’re in the Riff Room.
ACE: Even by kidnapping standards, this is weird.
OWEN: How’d they even-
A voice blares from the speakers.
???: Watch this!
B.B.: What is “this”
???: Super Smash Bros: Mission from God.
OWEN: A Smash Bros fanfic? I love Smash Bros!
???: Then you’ll love this!
HOBBIES: Sure, we will.
CHAP 1: MISSON FORM GOD
HOBBIES: We’re in good hands when she can’t even correctly spell the word “FROM”!
B.B.: Didn’t Tara also misspell “From”?
OWEN: Small world.
Summary: Sara was a normel girl until she went to nentendo world to save.
ACE: Save who? Her game?
My firts story ples revew.
OWEN: Don’t worry about reviews, we’ve got that covered.
Barek Obema and teh libruls on Fanfection.net delated thes so im putin it her.
B.B.: I’m sure Barack Obama had much more on his mind then deleting some girl’s bad fanfiction.
Notes: Hi my name is Sara (not Palin unfortanetly) and im a 13 yearold girl who loves America and God and the Constantution so i librul soshalist who likes barrack obama than LEAVE NAO and go back too getting wefare for noting and trying to turn every1 into gay athists also I lik video games like supper smash bras and otters even thou im a gril (my mom sad id turn a les if I play video game but I put pics of jaykob from twilit and juston beber in my room so idont).
OWEN: Oh…. Oh no. (Facepalm)
HOBBIES: I’ll translate for the audience. She thinks her haters are “Liberal Socialists who like Barack Obama who want to turn everyone into gay atheists.” She plays video games, but she was told if she does, she’ll turn into a lesbian, so she puts up pictures of Justin Bieber and that werewolf from Twilight in her room to prevent that.
ACE: (Stunned silence)
B.B.: Can I get out?
OWEN: Oh……. We’re fucked.
I was in my seance class one dat when my librul teacher mr jonson was talkin about evilusion.
"an tat is why humins came form monkees and their is no god" he said.
I razed my han.d
"yes Sara" he said.
"if humin came from monkees why r their still monks"
B.B.: In layman’s terms, because monkey’s DNA split off into two branches, one branch stayed monkeys and the other evolved into humanity.
OWEN: And you know you can still believe in the big G while also accepting scientific facts, like me!
my teacher had no anser for that so he give me a ditention and an f on my test.
ACE: Well, that’s illegal!
"hahaha!" he sad "you Christens wil be defeet on day! athests alreedy rule dis cuntry becuz of obama car and son all Christens will goto deaf panells!"
HOBBIES: Well, now’s as good a time as ever to mention this. I’m apolitical, agonistic and aromantic/asexual, I know I’ve got a lot of A’s, but there’s no excuse in any religion, sexuality, political ideology or anything like that gives you an excuse to be an asshole to other people because they disagree with you. Also, what the hell are you talking about atheists?
just then the door toteh science room opened and God walked in.
OWEN: Just like that?!
he was waring a rob and had a bread like he allways does.
"mr jonson ur gong too HELL!"
"no cuz u arnt reel" mr jonson said.
B.B.: I must admit, I admire his confidence. He’s an idiot, but he’s a confident idiot.
OWEN: Wait, how could Mr. Johnson figure out he’s the real God? From his perspective, this could just be some homeless weirdo with a robe and beard.
ACE: New head canon! He’s a homeless man!
"lol ur a moran" God said and he stroked mr jonson with lighting and mr jonson ded.
ACE: He’s a homeless wizard!
OWEN: I haven’t read the bible since Sunday School in like 2nd grade, but God’s not exactly the kind of guy who’d kill someone just because they didn’t believe in him…... Well in the New Testament, the Old Testament God would have killed him for sure.
"yay!" said all the Christens in the class.
HOBBIES: I don’t care about his godhood, murder’s never something to cheer, you psychopaths.
"boo!" said the Heatrans so God stroked all them to.
OWEN: No! Don’t stroke me- (Cracks up) Oh, maybe you should have rewritten that.
"ok now I nead too talk too Sara God said. "so everbuddy else leave."
"ok" my classmates left the room.
B.B.: I don’t care if there’s a fire in the building, or if God kills the teacher, you stay in your seats until class time is up, you slackers!
"Sara Osborne ive bean watching u for sum time," he sad, "this world isnt the only on I mad."
"for real" I ask.
"yea do u no about video games."
"yea I play them with my bro and Lauren" (my bro is my brother and Lauren is my BFF forever and shes a PCC (Pretty Consertative Christen) like me to)
ACE: Is Lauren the Raven to Sara’s Tara?
OWEN: Only time will tell.
"well they are real because when u play the nother unevirse I made"
B.B.: How does that work, especially when someone plays a game with multiple endings?
OWEN: Maybe all endings are canon in their own universe, and the multiverse exists.
"cool God" I hi fived God.
ACE: How do you high-five God? He seems like the kind of guy who’d leave you hanging.
"ok but theres treble. Satan found out about this and now hes in Nentendo World. Only u can stop him b4 he dose evil stuff their."
OWEN: Nintendo World? This is a Smash Bros fanfiction; this has way more than Nintendo characters.
ACE: That kind of depends on the game. Which game is this set during?
OWEN: (Looked at the fanfiction release date.) This was started on January 20th, 2013, so the latest game would be Brawl, which had Snake and Sonic, my point has been validated.
"oh no."
"right this is the hardest thing u ever done even harder than ur math test last month. God thing i'm God and I can give u cool powers and stuff."
B.B.: At least she has an in-universe explanation for her powers, Ebony didn’t.
ACE: Did we ever get any kind of backstory on her?
So God gave me some power and I fell to sleep. When I woke up I was outside of the Smosh Manshon!