Chapter Text
HOBBIES: We’re really doing this?
OWEN: Yep, let’s not waste any time!
ACE: Let’s go!
B.B.: Let’s get this over with
Chapter 1.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!
HOBBIES: Well that was a lot to take in. Where do we even start?
OWEN: We could try the abhorrent spelling, the casual homophobia, the fact she’s gothic because of course she is.
B.B.: The fact that she likes My Chemical Romance. I tried that band once, and there was not one bunsen beaker anywhere
ACE: I don’t think that’s what that-
HOBBIES: The fact Justin will barely show up again.
OWEN: Wait, we should save all of that stuff for later, can’t have all of the good riffs in the first paragraph
B.B.: And the author’s note at that.
HOBBIES: Fair enough, let’s get a little further in.
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).
OWEN: So… let’s talk about this paragraph
B.B.: It stinks -hey Ace, where are you going?
ACE: Leaving
HOBBIES: Oh no! Nobody’s leaving, either we all suffer or none of us do.
ACE: But I don’t know who Amy Lee is, I have to “get da hell out of here”
OWEN & B.B.: (Muffled laughing)
HOBBIES: Ok, that was a good one. Amy Lee’s a musician who co-founded a band called Evanescence, and does admittingly look a bit like how Ebony is described
OWEN: Fun Fact, she made a song called My Immortal, which is probably where this fic’s name came from.
HOBBIES: Now you don’t have to “get da hell out of here”
ACE: Thanks for that.
I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.
OWEN: Weird incestious angle, but I’m sure that wasn’t what she meant.
HOBBIES: I mean, you don’t know.
OWEN: EW!
I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.
ACE: Don’t vampires usually have straight white teeth?
HOBBIES: Unless she meant that she doesn’t have fangs
B.B.: What would be the benefit of a vampire without fangs? That would be useless, they would have no way to suck blood! Though there are no recordings on this subject, perhaps an experiment is in order.
HOBBIES: Owen, take away his toys before he tries to find a vampire.
OWEN: But what if I wanted to find a vampire with him?
I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).
OWEN: Hogwarts is in Scotland, actually
I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)
ACE: Oh we could tell!
and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.
HOBBIES: Is Hot Topic even in the UK?
OWEN: (Quickly googles the answer) No, not a single one.
ACE: Couldn’t she have ordered some from online?
HOBBIES: Ace, one, this existed before that would be likely, second, trying to make sense of this story will end in failure, you should stop.
For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.
HOBBIES: Are there a lot of these outfit descriptions?
OWEN: Yep!
HOBBIES: Whoopty-doo
I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.
B.B.: Is she happy there’s no sun because she’s a vampire or because she’s just moody?
OWEN: Probably the latter.
A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
ACE: Well that was rude,
HOBBIES: Get used to that, everyone’s going to be a jerk, based on Hobbies’s principle
ACE: What is Hobbies’s principle?
HOBBIES: If the main character in a fanfiction is a jerk, then most likely the entirety of the cast will be one as well.
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….
OWEN: Wanna guess who this is?
HOBBIES, ACE & B.B.: DRACO MALFOY
OWEN: Really, everyone?
HOBBIES: It’s a Harry Potter fanfic, and a bad one at that, it can only be him
OWEN: Then I bet it won’t be him
HOBBIES: Ok.
Draco Malfoy!
OWEN: DAMN IT!
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.
B.B.: Riveting, how out of character is this guy, Hobbies?
HOBBIES: Completely new character
B.B.: Sad depressed lovable goth, I’m betting
HOBBIES: Yep
B.B.: Great
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!
HOBBIES: It was certainly…… something interesting
OWEN: Couldn’t agree more