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Peppino stirred when he heard something enter his Pizzeria. It was strange; it was past closing hours, yet someone had managed to get in… Even during normal hours, he never got customers in the shop, despite working hard all day to make delicious pizzas. Narrowing his eyes, he stood tall and slowly peered over his shoulder, finding a regrettably familiar shape. It was yet another one of those Peppino clones... However, this one was significantly different in shape; it was much shorter with stubby legs, far more portly, and sported a strange-looking face. One that was just barely off from being accurate to the real thing. The more Peppino looked at it, the more uncanny it got… The clone stiffened, then unleashed a blood-curdling scream that could be best described as “fearful,” which Peppino gladly returned.
Taking advantage of the duplicate’s stunned silence, Peppino wasted no time and charged, only to be met with the blunt force of a panicked tackle. The clone darted in the other direction, its teeth clenched and eyes wild. This didn't stop Peppino, however. He had dealt with many of these clones in the past, and although he had never seen one so sick and twisted looking as this, he’d take care of it, just as he had the others.
He charged again, and the clone managed to dodge by leaping over his head. Bearing his own teeth, that made Peppino’s skin crawl. No clone was this skilled–that had to be a fluke! Just as he was calculating his next attack, the duplicate tackled him again, this time making it hurt with the entire weight of its body. Boy, that thing packed a punch! Peppino groaned in pain as he crumpled into a heap between the floorboards.
While recovering, he could hear a flurry of footsteps above. The commotion had drawn the other Peppino clones from their slumber, and attracted any stragglers that Peppino himself hadn’t yet taken care of. The cacophony of sounds above was unsettling, and Peppino curled himself up into a tight ball, wrapping his lanky arms tightly around his body as dust fell around him. As much as he hated it, these laughable recreations of himself may come in handy for once… And as weak as they were, they could at least keep that new, dangerous clone busy.
Peppino finally recovered, and sprung up from the ground. The clone yelped and tackled again, but Peppino had enough time to jump over it. If this doppelganger liked jumping so much, he would show it a REAL jump! He sprung from floor to ceiling, the clone managing to dodge every leap. If that wasn’t infuriating enough, it managed to sneak in a few tackles whenever Peppino landed! Every hit seemed to be stronger than the last, as if the clone was gaining momentum. And yet, its face was getting more and more distressed every passing minute! Crumpling through the floor once again, the poor pizza maker was starting to feel sore, both in body and spirit.
This clone was a problem.
The next time he emerged, he went in with a full on charge, tearing up the walls and onto the ceiling. Throwing his all into the next tackle, he managed a solid hit on the fake, however as he gripped its shoulders, much to his shock, this clone didn't feel the same as the others. It wasn't soft and doughy–and even a full speed tackle did little to make it crumble to pieces. Peppino recoiled, shaking off his hands. It felt so strange, and alien! Almost like an uncut pepperoni stick. How disgusting, what was this thing made of?!
The doppelganger took advantage of Peppino’s shock and stupor, hitting him square in the jaw with an uppercut. He was sent flying onto his back, and fell back beneath the floor. A deep rage was starting to boil within his chest. It made his skin feel hot, and roll off his arms in slick drips.
This fake had to GO!
Peppino had to pull out the big guns. He used everything in his repertoire: tackling, fully charged leaps, grapples, his super special taunts (which the copy had a hard time avoiding the projectiles of), and he even tried throwing his own head! Yet, nothing seemed to make this fake break, or even back down! In a blind rage, Peppino grabbed one of the other clones and kneaded it furiously back into a fine dough. Steaming, he stood over the heap, unable to contain his snarling. This was what that clone was supposed to be like, so what was the deal, here?!
The clone gulped, backing away from the scene. It wanted to scream, but nothing would come out of its tense jaw.
Peppino was getting mad. Not just mad. He was furious. If he couldn't defeat this clone, he had to get it out of his shop. Somehow. In any way! As his rage finally boiled over, he found himself towering over the fake, who cowered beneath its superior in fear. With a mighty roar, Peppino slammed his fists against the ground, breaking the floor into splinters and pieces, and tumbling them both into the tunnels below.
If he couldn't break it, he would chase. It. Out.
But even at full charge, and on all fours at that, Peppino couldn't keep up with this look-alike. Even with all the twists, turns, and walls that the corridor provided, it handled them seemingly with hardly a care in the world. It was so fast! Faster than Peppino could even imagine! And before he knew it, he had chased the clone out of the shop, crashing into the far wall with a loud bang, sending bits of his doughy flesh flying through the air. He groaned and growled, spinning around in place, his lanky limbs tangling with each other. After reorienting himself, he peered outside, finding the duplicate looking rather happy with itself. Narrowing his eyes, Peppino could merely growl, gripping the boards that blocked the crawl space.
So long as the thing was out of his shop and didn't come back, he didn't really care…
Slinking away, Peppino found himself sulking. He had so easily dismantled his look-alikes before, so what made this one different? What made it so much stronger than he was? It didn't make any sense…
He had since returned to normal size, but as he slumped through his pizzeria, he dragged his knuckles against the ground, his lanky legs needing to bend more than usual to accommodate for his depressed and exaggerated stance.
He flopped heavily into a chair, resting his head over the back and letting his limbs spill over the floor. He didn't think any of his co-workers would be happy with him for letting that clone loose in the tower…
Jolting upright, the realization dawned on him like a spicy pepper. He had just released a very powerful, and potentially malicious, clone upon the tower! The other pillar guardians were in danger, then! He simply had to warn someone about it, and fast!
He bolted out of his pizzeria and into the tower without any hesitation, not really knowing where to go, or who to warn first. His gut instinct was to go to see Noisette, as most of the guardians went to her café. Word of mouth would work from there, and he could spend the rest of his precious time hunting down that clone…
Bursting through the door, he overshot the counter and ran up the wall. Screeching to a halt on the ceiling, he made a rough landing on the ground with a loud thump, his head smacking against one of the bar stools. He hadn't noticed yet, but Vigilante was there as well, looking quite shocked and confused.
Back on his feet as if he didn’t just take a blow to the head, Peppino leaned over the counter and began shouting, "!!srehto eht nraw ot deen ew ,suoregnad eb thgim eH !rewot eht ni esool eht no onippeP ekaf a s'erehT !ettesioN"
Noisette blinked rapidly, and gave him her trademark smile, "Sorry, buddy! You gotta slow down! I can't understand you when you're talking that fast!"
Finally noticing the other patron, he could hear Vigilante mutter, "You can understand him at all?" Noisette didn't reply.
"!esool onippeP ekaf suoregnad a s'erehT" Peppino repeated in desperation, his fingers gripping the edge of the counter.
The waitress and cheeseslime exchanged glances (although Vigilante in particular didn’t seem to be in the loop), before Noisette's brow creased ever so slightly, "Fake Peppino?" she echoed, "But… Isn't that you?"
Peppino stared in disbelief, jaw hanging low. He groaned loudly, gripping his head and pulling at his eye sockets, "!ton esruoc fo ,oN" he cried, "!?gnihtemos ro ,ecafazziP morf knarp a siht sI ?aedi taht uoy evag tahW ??tuoba gniklat uoy era tahW"
Noisette seemed confused, her smile flattering briefly, "Why don't you sit down! I'll get you something to drink, we'll talk this out!" She didn't seem to miss a beat.
Vigilante leaned over the counter, using one hand to cover his mouth while he whispered at Noisette, "What in tarnation's actually goin' on, here?" his eyes darted from Peppino, back to Noisette, "He confused, or somethin'?"
Noisette leaned over, but failed to cover her mouth as she replied in a slightly lower tone than normal, "I think he believes he's the real Peppino, or something! Doesn't he know?"
Peppino heard that.
He slammed his fists on the counter, and Vigilante bounced slightly into the air from the force. Bearing his teeth, Peppino screeched, "!onippeP laer eht MA I"
Noisette poured him a cup of coffee, unfazed by his rage, "But I thought you were made to replace Peppino, not that you were the original all along!"
"Yeah," Vigilante agreed after finishing off the dregs of his coffee. He slammed the cup against the counter, "I fought that there Peppino a couple'a floors down–just sounds like y' had a real rough loss against him, t' me."
Losing his cool, Peppino towered over the two, a growl escaping through his teeth. How could they be so easily fooled? They knew him for much longer than that intruding fake…! He couldn't hold it any longer. He bellowed a roar that was loud enough to shake the ground, and the lights flickered around him. Noisette froze in place, and the cheeseslime appeared to lose most of his color, his expression startled.
Distraught, Peppino planted his rear hard on a stool. With a huff, he curled up into a tight ball, with his arms tangled around his legs and his body. He buried his face into his knees, pouting. He felt a little bit bad for scaring the two, but they simply weren't listening to him! How on earth could they think that that uncanny, grotesque creature was the real version of him…? Didn't they know him enough? Or was there something that Peppino was missing? He so hated feeling out of the loop, but even Pizzaface seemed keen on keeping him in the dark. Just because the lights in his pizzeria didn't work, that didn't mean he liked it that way!
"Oh, I can see you're in a real sore mood," Noisette piped up, "I'm sorry for upsetting you…" she produced a corn dog from under the counter, "Why don't you have a corn dog?"
Without looking, Peppino swiped the corn dog out of her hand, and stuck it stick end into his mouth. He crunched away at it quietly.
"Dag gun," Vigilante trembled, lifting his freshly refilled cup to his lips, "And I thought bein' haunted by my dead granddad was scary…"
The restaurant fell silent, leaving Peppino to think. He often thought too much. Or even too little. His mind felt heavier than his body… Once he finished off the corn dog, face peeking over his knees, he slowly reached for the coffee cup that he was offered.
Maybe… They were right. All the other clones were just like him, and only now did a different looking clone show up. It was so different from the rest, from himself, that maybe it was, in fact, the original. It wasn't doughy, it didn't ribbit… in fact, it seemed quite present in the moment, much more aware of its surroundings than other clones. Of the few swears and other shouts it made, it even talked “normal,” like Noisette and Vigilante…
Something twisted inside of his gut, and he tightened his grip on the coffee cup, hand trembling. All this time he was convinced that he was Peppino. He couldn't be anyone else, and yet this guy came in, shattered his world, and got out scotch-free, leaving Peppino to be yet another clone, among so many other clones. He took a sip from his coffee cup, his face feeling wet.
A paisley handkerchief was offered to him. Looking up from his cup, he saw Vigilante giving him a concerned look.
"Didn't realize y' had been so wrapped up in a lie," once Peppino had taken the handkerchief, Vigilante gave a sad tip of his hat, "Sorry, pardner, if I had known, I would'a tried t' have a li'l bit more tact."
"Aw, who cares if you're a clone, anyway!" Noisette hummed, fanning her hands in the air rapidly, "You actually pay your tab, and you tip heaps better than that real pizza guy!"
Peppino stared somberly at his coffee cup, catching his reflection in the dark liquid. All of the sudden, he felt an incredible amount of dread just seeing his own face. The face he had gotten used to, that he had spent so much time thinking was the real thing. He heaved a heavy sigh, but eventually glanced up at the others, giving them a weak smile. It was obviously fake, and Noisette couldn't help but frown upon seeing it. Finally, he wiped off his face, leaving a pale floury residue behind on the formerly red bandana. He whimpered an apology as he passed it back to Vigilante, who eyed it with mild disgust.
Peppino's shoulders slumped back down, his knuckles nearly hitting the floor, and the rest of his coffee almost spilling over the tiles. This news was truly devastating for him. His body felt ice cold, and he trembled slightly. His insides twisted and turned, making him turn up his nose at even the offer of spaghetti. All he could think about now was how he was going to be inevitably replaced by his fake--or rather, original--and how he wouldn't have use, well, anywhere anymore. He wouldn't have a name, he'd lose his pizzeria, his place in the tower, and any friends he had made there.
But... Did he really have any friends?
As Noisette placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, Peppino thought, just for a moment, that maybe he had.
"You know!" Noisette chirped loudly, making Peppino jump and finally spill his coffee. She smacked her fist against her palm as if she had a sudden idea, "All you gotta do is be the REAL fake Peppino!"
"Now, I don't think that'll really help--" Vigilante started.
"Be the best at being fake!"
"Or," Vigilante cut in, trying to raise his voice over Noisette's (which was a challenge in and of itself), "Y' can reforge yer identity, be the person y' wanna be, not based offa some other guy."
Sitting up, something seemed to click within Peppino's brain. Or perhaps, that he felt he had received permission for something quite important to him.
Be the real fake Peppino...
Placing a hand to his chin, he thought about it. REALLY thought about it. He didn't know how to be anyone else BUT Peppino... So despite what Vigilante thought, maybe Noisette wasn't too far off the mark. People did love a friendly little rivalry in their pizza franchises... And getting to know the real Peppino would be an interesting time. Not to mention, they BOTH could work together in getting rid of all those other nasty clones of theirs!
And if he forged himself as the real fake, there wouldn't be anything to replace! He'd obviously be filling in a necessary role!
He smiled--genuinely this time--tossed his empty cup into the trash, and threw a large fistful of toppins into the tip jar.
"!sknahT" he chimed, before charging towards the wall, running up it, and leaving the restaurant by charging across the ceiling.