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Barbara felt a rush of cool air hit once she stepped outside to the rooftop. Luckily, the weather was nice, complete with a crisp breeze. Not too windy, not too warm. Although not that it really mattered, being a ghost and all. Her corporal form wouldn't last long, and soon the senses she felt would be gone.
That was an unpleasant thought.
She shuffled between the roof tiles, careful not to slip as she made her way to the end of the ledge and took a seat. She folded her dress neatly with the palms of her hands, and found herself staring back at the midnight blue sky. Stars twinkled into shapes to form constellations that she could recognize, but obviously couldn't reach even if she tried. It was strange to imagine all the different galaxies out there, and yet, here she was. Sitting and pondering and staring.
Despite the difficult memories brought back from the rooftop, it was surprisingly peaceful.
Seeing the stars up close reminded her of something she and Adam did when they were alive. They both decided to spontaneously hike up a hill and stargaze while enjoying a picnic. A wholesome idea in theory, but it ended in disaster. The sky was much too cloudy, making it impossible to see any stars---the whole reason they actually bothered to go. To make matters worse, they were promptly swarmed by gnats and mosquitos who devoured them and their picnic. By the time they decided to bail on having a romantic date, they were rained on until they were completely soaked to the bone.
But thinking back at the memory made her long for it more. It all seemed simple, so predictable but wonderful at the same time.
That was all it was. A memory that would eventually become lost in time.
Barbara sighed, finding herself twirling a stray golden curl to distract herself. She didn't need to sulk, not when it wouldn't do any good.
A sudden shiver ran down her spine, but she recognized it immediately. She turned her head around in a perfect angle to face Adam behind her, now stepping out onto the rooftop. He had been quiet and almost invisible, floating into view, so no footsteps were needed. It was a playful interaction the two had ever since they died. Who could surprise the other by showing up without noticing. Half the time it never worked, her senses were heightened as a ghost, but she still lit up when she saw him.
"Hi honey." Barbara greeted, watching his spirit wisp into his more corporal form.
"Hey honey," He replied, grinning. "I, uh, just finished cleaning up the attic. All the dust was driving me crazy!"
"You always did have a sensitive nose." She teased, laughing as Adam rolled his eyes to the sky.
He wobbled on the ledge, grabbing ahold of it and refusing to look down at the ground. "So, what brings you up here?"
Barbara found herself doing a half shrug. "Just needed a place to think, I guess. The Deetzs' are lovely but they can be a bit noisy."
He snorted, knowing full well she wasn't referring to Lydia. "Ah, yeah." With a hum and a quick glance around, he asked, "Do you... mind if I join you?"
Barbara nearly melted at the softness in his tone. How careful he was---how they both were within each other's boundaries. They always seemed to work as a unit, but that didn't mean they were against alone time either. She reached out to lightly hold on to his wrist, pulling him down with enough space to sit beside her, and they laughed together at his clumsiness. He was always careful not to stumble, but ended up doing so anyway.
"It's a lovely night." He mused. Barbara turned her head to watch his eyes sparkle at the stars above, smiling with fondness.
"Mm." She placed her hand on his. "It reminds me of the time we went stargazing on that hill last summer. Do you remember?"
With a tilt of his head, he said, a bit amused, "You mean the time we went stargazing and we ended up not actually gazing at any stars because the weather was so bad? Yes I do."
"The weather wasn't that bad," She said. "Just cloudy."
"Except right as we were leaving, it started pouring."
"We used our jackets as a cover and it worked out fine."
"Eugh, and don't forget the bugs! They would have eaten us alive if we hadn't packed bug spray."
She shuddered, remembering the awful feeling of them crawling all over her. "Okay, yeah, the bugs were not fun. I liked everything else though."
"Really?" He stared at her skeptically.
"Things were simpler back then, Adam. Sure, we had problems, but I don't know..." She bit her lip. "They seem so trivial now. I feel like I took things for granted while I was alive."
That seemed to catch him off guard. He rubbed the side of his chin thoughtfully. "I get what you mean." He admitted. "But I don't think we took things for granted. Being together----even with our not so perfect dates, made it worth it."
She squeezed his hand and nodded. "Hey, exactly." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm...I'm not sure why I remembered that time, I guess I was feeling sentimental."
"Funny, so am I." Adam reached for something in his pocket. "I actually- hang on." He pulled out a small, slightly torn book that was barely still binded by the weak thread. "While I was cleaning the attic, I came across this little guy."
Barbara gasped once it registered. "Our old photo album! Oh, Adam, may I?" When he handed it over, she eagerly started turning the pages. "I can't believe you kept this."
"Of course I did!" Adam pretended to look offended. "It has almost all of our best memories. Like look here, when we hosted our own book club---"
"And only three people showed up." Barbara sighed, brushing Adam's bangs aside with her fingertip. "You were happy about that at least."
He shuddered. "My introverted self was honestly so relieved. I hate small talk."
"You don't have to talk much at a book club. It's casual discussions."
"Yes, yes you do! You have to discuss certain themes and make casual banter with the other folks there. It's horrible."
"You're fine having casual banter with me."
"That's different, you're *you*. You make everything so much easier." His bangs fell against his hazel eyes again, despite her best efforts to fix it.
She frowned. She did know what he meant, even if he didn't say it with words. Still, they were trying to make each other feel better, not worse, so she pointed back at the photos.
One photo in particular stood out to her. A younger version of herself was spinning around a terrified looking Adam. Her dazzling blue dress seemed to be in flowing movement---even though it was a still image from years ago.
"Those ballroom dancing classes were worth it. I felt like a queen. At least in this picture." She nudged Adam, who responded by kissing her cheek.
"Still are."
"Oh shush." Glowing, she kissed him back and idly flipped to the next page. She snorted. "Less romantic ones here. Backyard composting...square dancing..."
He cringed. "Square dancing was a mistake. Still fun though."
Barbara squealed. "The Renaissance fair! Ohhh, you look so cute."
Their homemade knight and princess costumes did not win any prizes, but the effort spent on making them deserved a mention.
"I was actually going for handsome and dashing more than cute." His lip twisted into a playful smirk. "I still can't believe you made that dress. Not only was it professional looking, you looked ...amazing."
"I like to believe my great aunt Mary possessed me during that weekend." She joked. She wasn't the best at sewing---especially since she had to do it last minute. "I'm glad I looked nice considering what you did later that night..."
On the same page, was a less professional photo taken on an old polaroid camera. Barbara was still wearing her princess gown, but this time was proudly presenting a silver ring on her finger.
"I can't believe I proposed at a ren fair. No wait, I can. What I can't believe is you said yes, to the dork who proposed to you at a ren fair." Adam shook his head, grinning.
"I thought it was sweet. It was very you."
He stared back at the stars. "It's funny, I...I almost felt like I had imposter syndrome that night. I kept thinking to myself: 'Adam, there's no way you can propose to the most gorgeous and incredible woman in the world---"
She scoffed. "Adam..."
"I'm serious, Babs, it was surreal!"
"It was for me too." She said softly, leaning her head into his shoulder. "I'll never forget it."
When she closed her eyes, she remembered every single detail. Her vibrant orchid dress with a golden trim shining in the moonlight. The cheers and stampeding of a nearby jousting tournament still ringing in her ears and the fading music pounding to a rhythm she couldn't recognize. She nearly tripped and fell over her dress, and that was when Adam caught her hand and spun her around in a clumsy, but loving twirl.
She hadn't even seen the ring hidden behind his back until he bashfully held it out. It was something straight out of a Hallmark movie. Her mouth was stuck in an 'o' shape, sputtering nonsense before finally gasping a tearful 'Yes!' into his warm embrace.
Barbara blinked away the faded memory, tracing the edges of the plastic frames with her fingernail. There were a few photos from more classes they took, some photos from their wedding and honeymoon.
Then her eyes fell on several photos of an old tabby cat glaring at the camera.
"Ohhh Tiger." She cooed. "I miss him so much." She pretended to pat the kitten's head. There were a few extra photos of him, one especially made her heart melt as the cat had rolled on his back by the window, basking in the warm sunlight.
"He was a little rascal," Adam chuckled. "But I loved him."
"Our son." She agreed. "I wonder if there's a Netherworld for pets."
"Probably. Unless he decided to stay and wait for us."
Together they looked back at the photo. It almost looked like Tiger was smirking at them. "No, he would never wait for us." They shared another laugh as Barbara turned to the following page.
"It's blank." She said, referring to the next page. There was nothing on it, no pictures, not even some written scribbled notes. It was empty. "That's all that's left." She felt her voice tremble.
"What? No, no, no it can't be." Adam assured her, although even he sounded slightly unsure. "I'm sure there's more in the attic. I can look now if you-"
"No." She shook her head, melting as his arm immediately wrapped around her trembling form.
"I guess...I guess we were planning on doing more things and then..."
"We died." Barbara finished bluntly. She backtracked and turned away. She didn't like saying it, let alone thinking about their sudden deaths, but how could she not? Wandering around their home with the Deetzs residing there as well, it was impossible not to.
Sure Lydia chatted with them, and didn't treat them any different but she was an exception.
"Is...that's why you came out here?" Adam asked carefully. "You were thinking about being dead."
"Guilty."
"That was something alright." He muttered, unsure of how else to say it. "Sometimes I still can't believe it."
"Me neither. I always assumed that being a ghost meant I couldn't feel anything anymore. Like I would be some fading spirit in limbo until I eventually disappear for good." Barbara lamented, brushing away her golden bangs and exhaling a shallow breath. "But I do feel things. All the time. I feel angry, and frustrated and...and sad...and..." She paused as she met Adam's eyes, heart pounding in her chest. "And I still feel so in love with you."
Adam's eyes went wide before silently turning away.
"Oh Adam, I didn't mean to make things so depressing. I'm sorry."
"What? No, no, you didn't- I just," He swallowed. "You're right. I still feel those things too. Love and anger and...fear." His fingers intertwined with hers. "Like you said, just like when we were alive. We...we really didn't have time to process our deaths, did we?"
"We were a bit busy with the whole Beetlejuice shenanigans. I mean, he showed up right after we died. And then there was everything else."
I'm glad we helped Lydia, but I ...oh I don't know. I'm grieving the life we had. I miss being alive. Truly alive. Not a memory, or a figure floating through walls."
Adam's smile fell.
"Feeling your warmth and..." She shook her head. She didn't want to get emotional, not now. "It's stupid."
"No, no, hun..." He lifted his hand to cup her cheek. "It's not stupid. Please don't say that. Sometimes I spend time thinking about all the things we could have done too. You know? It's too bad we didn't have a bucket list."
"A bucket list?" Barbara echoed. "A bucket list! Adam, that's brilliant!"
"It is?" He tilted his head like a confused dog.
"Yes! We could write down, or at least say all the things we wanted to do while we were alive. I know- I know it's not the same, but it's something."
"Alright, so what would go on our bucket list first?"
"Hmm," She thought for a moment, and with a watery laugh; "we would adopt a dog. Maybe two."
"Yeah, and...we could travel to different places. Like Italy, Australia..." He frowned." We can't even leave our house."
Barbara hummed, then out of the blue, blurted out: "Do you think we had a funeral?"
"What?"
"Do you?"
"I assume so? But that isn't part of the bucket list."
"No I know, I only wonder who showed up. I mean, besides the obvious. My parents, your mom, my sister, her husband, our nieces---"
Adam leaned back. "Maybe Jane?"
She grimaced. "Ugh, not Jane. She was the worst."
"She took nosy neighbor to the extreme," He agreed. "Remember when she said this house was too big for us, that it's better for families. Like we weren't a family already."
"Jokes on her, because now with the Deetz's we're even more of a family." She smiled fondly. "Although I think Jane was referring to my biological clock. How we didn't have much time left before..."
"She said what? Oh we are so haunting her."
"And it's not like we weren't even trying!" Her voice echoed loudly, even picked up by the nearby wind. She stood up suddenly, feeling the cool air hit her again, and she shuddered. Her hand placed on her stomach. Even saying that brought back a painful memory of a loss from long ago. It all came towards her.
"We were trying. We were-- I-" She squeezed her eyes shut.
"Barbara?"
"It's fine." Her voice was weak, exhausted. "I'm fine."
She hadn't noticed his arms wrapping around her waist. Or that he was now standing beside her.
"You mean everything to me, Barbara. Please, let me in."
She swallowed thickly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to ...ruin the mood. Again. We should really stick to the bucket list."
"It's okay to talk about that too," He assured her. "There's no judgment on the rooftop, we've established that."
"I will. But not now. That baby was just another one of those crazy hypotheticals. A hypothetical that can never happen. Just like the bucket list. It's not like we can travel around the world, or go to one of our classes again or---" She blinked rapidly. "Anything."
"No." Adam shook his head, picking up the discarded scrapbook. He opened the few pages left. "But we can make new dreams. Plausible dreams, with this new afterlife we have. It won't be easy. And we'll live, Barbara, I promise. We'll keep living."
Her heart warmed with affection, holding on to him as tight as she possibly could.