Chapter Text
Gwen and Arthur's Wedding Night
Merlin opened his tower door and took a deep breath of the crisp night air. He loved it up here. The two towers of Camelot that reached for the stars the highest were one of his, and the other of Morgana’s. They looked across the expanse of Camelot to one another and on nights like this, it seemed they stood in watchful vigilance, even when the whole of Camelot celebrated. Music flowed up the sides of the tower and into the garden in happily subdued volumes. He lifted the glass of champagne that he carried and touched it to his forehead in salute. He could almost hear the heat of everyone dancing far below, even though it was still quite chill. The music flowed again, the last song before the happily wedded couple took to the floor for the own dance if he remembered the plans correctly. He gave the champagne glass a look of caution. His recollections might have been off. Merlin looked at the stars dancing in the glass by the moonlight and sighed.
“So great a sigh, Merlin. Arthur and Gwen’s big celebration not happy enough for you?” He bowed low to Morgana as she came out onto the roof of his tower.
“My Lady honours me with her presence. A happy day, of course.” Morgana’s beauty was only barely outshone by Gwen’s tonight, a marked effect on Morgana’s behalf to allow the former serving maid and still dear friend a moment to shine. As beautiful as Gwen was, she held no countenance equal to Morgana’s, thought Merlin. Her hair was in artful curls and ringlets that cascaded down over her shoulder in a breathtaking fall. She wore a blue gown, his favourite colour on her, which showed off her hips and hugged her shoulders, scandalously short at the thighs and tight to her skin. The sleeves bared her shoulders but clung down her arms as she crossed them over in front of her body. He shut his mouth with a snap so he wouldn’t pant after her as he usually did like a stray dog begging for scraps of attention. The music swelled beneath them and he turned away from her. She was so beautiful she made him ache.
“My Lady, you should head inside. It’s quite cold out here.” She watched him with her dancing eyes and shrugged, drawing his eyes guiltily to the perfection of her chest, adorned with the silver jewels that came into a twisted tree shape. They complimented the earrings he favoured on her so much, small silver vines which draped bejewelled fruit from spider silk thin vines, even as they curved up the crest of her ear.
“I’m still quite warm.” She moved next to him against the battlement walls, staring down over the quiet contentment of Camelot. “Gwaine smuggled in some of that foul white spirit he’s so fond of. He poached the strawberries I’ve been eating all night in it.” She giggled then and he could smell the strawberries on her breath. His smile faded as he considered her bright mood at Gwaine’s antics.
“He thinks the world of you, you know.” His voice was carefully neutral, and Morgana considered that, staring out into the night.
“He’s a good friend.” Merlin smiled.
“Friendship means different things to different people. I believe that he would be more than happy to be more than such with you, my Lady.” Morgana scoffed.
“Gwaine would be more than happy to be such with anything with a slim rear. You’d best watch yourself, if he gets lonely, Merlin.” He smiled humourlessly until she put her hands on the stone in front of her, so close to his that he could feel her heart beating quickly into the stone under his fingertips. His whole body tingled with energy, hyperaware of her and everything about her. The wind caressed her and lit gooseflesh along her arms and he turned away, pulling off his jacket and draping it around her shoulders. She tucked her chin in to the collar and breathed in with a smile of thanks.
“I can’t help but wonder if he’d be so very crushed were I to tell him my thoughts are with another.” She had dozens of suitors, of course, but hadn’t chosen any to date. But naturally she’d have her eye on someone. Irrationally, Merlin’s ire rose.
“Lucky man.” His tone was terse, and he missed Morgana’s smile against his jacket again as he scowled momentarily.
“He doesn’t see it that way,” she murmured. Merlin’s face drew carefully blank and Morgana hid her smile again.
“Then he’s an idiot.” She coughed and began to laugh, unable to contain herself. Merlin looked away as the silvery peals of laughter caught at him and he ached for her again. Eventually, she shrugged prettily and turned her back on the open night air, facing into the garden that surrounded them with a soft smile of pleasure. It was beautiful and intriguing beyond belief. Once Gaius had passed, Merlin had taken over his duties and shifted into this huge tower, ostensibly to clear the old physicians quarters. Morgana knew that living in his mentor’s room had hurt Merlin dearly without Gaius’s fatherly presence. Morgana felt another pang at the loss, less than two years old. Merlin’s first order of business had been to convert the old stone gardens into rich, lush hangings of all the herbs he’d need for his ministrations. Valerian rose and lethen, milkwort and lavender, rosemary and garlic all combined into a heady scent of sweet and rich earths, even in the darkness. In the spring rains, the garden scents were so strong on the wind that she often threw her windows open wide simply to catch the breeze, filled with the richness of the gardens in the opposite tower. It was like echoes of Merlin’s own scent, the herbs he worked with. That and a latent heat, like steel left to grow too hot at a forge. It was intoxicating and she breathed in deeply of Merlin’s distinctive power.
“He’s not so bad,” she whispered. “His redeeming qualities are endless.” Merlin stayed staring out into the darkness, the moon paling his features as the music rolled below. The cool air felt good after enduring the heat of the feasting for hours.
“He… would be the envy of every man in the kingdom.” She caught at his words and leaned in closer until their shoulders touched, but he did not look to her, and she would not meet his eyes.
“Every man…” she trailed off, questioning. “You’re a man, Merlin…” He met her whisper with silence, and longing. His jaw worked as he tried to come up with something suitably comic to throw her attention, but she was too beautiful, here and now, for his wit to defend against. The moonlight made her seem an angel, and if he looked at her, he knew he’d pledge his love and devotion until his dying day. But there was no place for that in his life. Arthur’s duty, that was all there was. Court Physician. But moreover, this was the Lady Morgana. Not just Arthur’s sister, but the woman who gave Camelot its heart. Even Gwen bowed to her kindnesses. It wasn’t just how beautiful she was. It was WHO she was. That is what truly made his heart ache around her. He focussed his attention on the night. At least he could do that. Keep the conversation normal. The music below them devolved into cheers as Leon stood up and began his speech, inviting the happy couple to the dance floor for their first official dance as not merely King and Queen, but more importantly among the tight knit family that was Camelot’s royal house, wife and husband.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” He gestured out to Camelot, resting below them.
“Yes.” Her tone was sad, and she moved away from him, making him suddenly feel cold without the warmth of her arm beside him. “Merlin, I’m… heading to bed. But I need something from you first.” The intimacy washed away and he turned, already feeling broken before her. Nothing more than a servant and that’s all he’d ever be. He steeled himself.
“I never got a dance, tonight. A girl should dance just once at her brother’s wedding, shouldn’t she?” Merlin stared at her blankly even as she smiled softly and bit her lip.
“My Lady?”
“Dance with me, Merlin.” He looked about nervously as she walked up to him and gently picked up his hand. “There’s no one else here. There’s no impropriety. I just want a dance, that’s all. Nobody is going to get hurt.”
“You haven’t seen me dance. There’s every possibility.” She smiled then, and Merlin’s heart turned over in his chest at the breadth of that happiness. Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight and Merlin fell in love a thousand times over in that second’s worth of a smile from her.
“Then show me, and prove it.” He stretched out his tall frame and she stepped in close to him as the music began below, softly echoing up and over into the garden and guiding their steps. Time stood still as they moved together, responding to one another and to the music, letting it guide them around the open steps of the garden atop the tower. Under the moonlight, in the benedictions of the roses around them, they danced, moving gently to the music that cradled them. Their feet moved perfectly, and Morgana smiled knowingly at Merlin.
“You lied again, Merlin. And now, tomorrow, you’ll have to explain to me why you’ve never danced with me before now, Merlin.” He smiled softly at her, so beautiful in the paleness of the moonlight, dancing blue over her features from the cloudless night sky.
“You say my name in such a way…” He trailed off, and Morgana tilted her head to the side as she looked up into his face, her feet moving with his in the circular motions.
“Yes…?” She left it open and waited, her heart suddenly hammering in her chest, and Merlin looked away.
“Nothing.” He looked down at the stones they danced on, as if embarrassed, and Morgana took a deep breath. He was never going to admit it. So it wasn’t a matter of time. The time was now, she decided. She hadn’t gotten dressed like this for “Nothing.”
“It’s because I want you to know that I’m talking to you, Merlin.” His face came back to her and she stopped dancing. Merlin stilled as she came that hairsbreadth closer to him and pressed herself against the length of his body. The seriousness in her eyes captured him, held him. “Only you. I see you, and I hear you. I’m wearing your favourite earrings because you always stare when I wear them. I’m wearing the perfume that always makes you breathe deeper when you smell it. I’m wearing blue because it makes your smile adorably goofy whenever you look at me. I don’t know what else to do to get your attention.” He stared at her and then his cobalt eyes shone light grey in the moonlight at her. Morgana’s mouth hung open as their intensity snared her.
“My attention? You always have it. They’re my favourite earrings because they bring out your eyes the same way your smile does when you laugh. It’s my favourite perfume because of the way it mingles with your scent and makes you more you. As for my smile, it’s “goofy” when I forget that I’m not supposed to be in love with you.”
Her eyes widened at the last and her face softened into blinking eyes that bound him to her gaze. He held her hand delicately and twirled her around under his fingertips until she held herself out, too far away from him. He bowed down low over her hand and kissed her palm, pressing it to his forehead in fealty.
“But you’re the princess of Camelot, my lady. I’m not, nor will I ever be worthy of…”
“Oh, damn that, Merlin. Not up here, I’m not. Up here, I’m just…” She pulled him towards her, moving back into the rose bushes that shaded them in sudden darkness. She pulled him against her and felt his hand slide up her cheek to cup her chin as she looked up into his eyes, begging him to come closer. “Up here, I’m just Morgana,” she breathed to his lips. They parted slightly and she pushed against him, catching his lips with a small hitch in her voice telling him that she had wanted this just as much as he had. She kissed him, softly at first, then more thoroughly as her hands went up into his hair and his own encircled her, holding her delicately but firmly, until Merlin lost himself too and his hands dug into her hips, pressing her against the leaves of the bushes and his mouth further enveloping hers. She moaned into him for a moment until he pulled back, and she followed him, kissing at his chin and wanting to continue.
“Just Morgana,” he quoted, mockingly to her. “I suppose, I guess that doesn’t matter then.” She leaned back, her arms unforgivingly strong around his neck as she cradled her body against hers.
“You guess…?” she echoed warningly. Merlin shook his head, his eyes soft and his smile rueful.
“In that, it doesn’t matter who you are. I’m still lost without you.” Her smile was sudden and broad, as though it hurt her for its wide intensity.
“You’re not without me, Merlin.” She indicated her arms about his neck with her eyes and he gave a low laugh that reverberated around her ribcage, thrilling her fluttering heart.
“Then I’m lost when I’m not with you.” Her smile grew wide and happy against him again.
“Then always be with me.” She bit her lip to constrain her smile, which only made her more kissable, in Merlin’s eyes. He breathed her in and kissed her again, fully and carnally against the side of the tower’s door. Morgana broke off the kiss and pushed him back before grabbing his hand and leading him back down into the tower, towards his quarters. She turned around as he pressed her against the door to his chambers and kissed her again. She was bubbling happiness as she laughed at his desperation to get through the door, opening it with a fumble and lifting her up into his arms. She kissed him soundly, through her smile as she whispered “Beclýsan” and closed the door behind them, sealing them in. Merlin gave another laugh and his infectious happiness built on hers.
“Got an answer for everything, don’t you, my Lady?” She lay down on the bed and beckoned him with a crooked finger and eyes that had haunted his dreams for as long as he’d drawn breaths of Camelot air.
“Shut up and kiss me, Merlin. We’ve got a lot of time to make up. I’ve been waiting a long time for this.” He paused over the top of her and stared at her at that revelation. She bit her lip again as she stared at him, taking in every feature as if storing it for herself. He shook his head slowly and smiled in wonder as he stared at her, lying on his bed in his sheets and touching him so gently.
“I really am an idiot.”
And then there were no more words between them, only what should have been from the beginning.