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Her name is Rin and there's a monster under her skin.
She is running and running. Running far from her captors. Running out of their grasp. Running towards her home.
The monster whispers to her ears. They say, run and save yourself. They say, you have to live.
Rin knows that she is a ticking time bomb. The closer she gets to Konoha, the closer she feels the monster inside her surfacing.
Rin has heard stories of monsters like them. She has heard of the destruction they bring in their wake. She has heard of what they can do and she needs to stop them.
She needs to stop herself.
Stop running, she tells her body.
No, we need to run to survive, the monster whispers.
This is my body, she says, you don't control me .
I'm trying to help us , they say.
Rin struggles to stop the monster rising as her panic bubbles to surface.
She is a ticking time bomb and the moment she gets back home, the monster will take over and destroy her home.
I have to stop , she thinks.
No, keep running and don't let them find you , the monster says.
Rin can't find the answer to her problem. She cannot stop running. She cannot stop the monster.
But she can stop herself.
I can stop you if I stop me, she realizes.
No, the monster cries, don't do that .
My village or my life, she already knows the answer.
Kakashi is right beside her, pushing her forward. There are Kiri nin behind them trying to retrieve the monster. She needs to tell him that she is a time bomb but he just won't listen.
She takes his kunai, ready to take her own life but the monster stops her. The monster controls her body, halting her attempt.
We die together , she thinks.
Don't do it, the monster cries.
“What are you doing?” Kakashi says.
“Kill me,” she says.
“No,” he replies, “Rin, what are you saying?”
But there are enemy nins trailing after them and they do not have time to explain. Kakashi moves her out of their grasp. He fights.
She feels the monster rising. She has to stop the monster.
My village or my life, she already knows the answer.
She pushes herself up and runs towards Kakashi’s chidori. She is sorry for this. She is sorry for what she is making him do.
But it's for the good of the village. He should understand that.
Her name is Rin and she is dead.
She does not know what to make of it. She does not what to do now.
There is very little to do in the afterlife except for roam. She is a ghost who screams and screams but no one hears.
Kakashi is a different nin than the one she left behind. He is a man in mourning who couldn't move from the past.
She is hurting for him. She feels guilty for what she made him do. She feels guilty for the stain she left in his hand. She feels guilty because this Kakashi is not her Kakashi and then she hates herself. Kakashi is growing old and she is jealous.
She will never grow old.
Her name is Rin and she has been dead for years.
She has followed Kakashi time and time again. She stood with him as they watched over Sensei and Kushina-hime’s son.
She has screamed at his ears until she is crying and crying because why isn’t he doing anything to help Naruto? Why isn’t he doing anything to ease his loneliness? Why isn’t he doing anything to protect the boy from his own demons - and not the tailed kind but the ones that were meant to protect him?
She watches.
She listens.
She takes notes of the names of all the people who wronged the boy.
She adds the Sandaime’s name.
He will not have a peaceful afterlife, she promises.
Her name is Rin and she could barely remember how old she is or was.
Was she 13 when she died? Or was she 14?
Kakashi is now 26. She can remember that she is older than him by a year or so. Would that make her 27 or 28? Or was she still the same age she was when she died?
She doesn’t know. All she knows about her body is that she has a young, never maturing body, and a hole in her chest that never closes.
Her name is Rin and she knows three certainties.
One, she loves Kakashi - her affection growing to that of a filial bond as she haunted him.
Two, she hates Kakashi - for looking at his students and seeing a reflection of their team and not doing anything about it.
Three, Kakashi is not Minato-sensei. Minato-sensei’s son is not Obito. The Uchiha boy is not Kakashi. The little girl is not her.
Kakashi, for all that he has awakened the true Sharingan, for all that he has been acclaimed as a genius, cannot seem to see the third certainty she knows.
He is careful with them - so careful in ensuring that they do not mirror them that she can see the weak foundation he had laid for them.
He focuses on the Uchiha, trying to teach him to be a better teammate, a stronger soldier, a more able protector–someone that he failed to be for them.
He doesn't know how to face Minato-sensei's son who is dirt and grime and sunshine and fresh air. He is a mix of Minato-sensei and Kushina-san. Kakashi cannot look at him in the face.
But, the girl, she thinks, has it worse. Kakashi is stupid. He looks at the little girl and her clear eyes full of innocence and idealisation that were stripped from them and buckles. She can see in the careful way that he takes care of her. She sees how he doesn't teach her. She sees how he protects her, as if he can shield her from the monsters as he wished he could've shielded her.
He is destroying his own team in the way he lets the memories remain.
She hates…
She loves…
She hates…
She loves…
She… is disappointed in Kakashi.
Her name was Rin.
Her name was Nohara Rin.
Her name is Nohara Rin and she had lived a short life.
Her name is Nohara Rin and she lived and died as an honorable shinobi of the Konoha Village.
She hates how she watches her boys, her family, her last regrets fight to the death over her memory.
She hates how they desecrate her sacrifice.
Nohara Rin did not die as a damsel.
She was not murdered by Kakashi in cold blood. No, she chose death.
My village or my life, that was the question. And she chose her village because she is a shinobi of Konoha.
She had bravely taken a stand against what Kiri wanted her to be - a weapon against her home.
She had given up her life to protect her home, her village, her family who lives there, and all of the people she loves.
In her life and in her death, she had taken a stand for what she believes is right. Though she hated the circumstances of her death and though she carries regret and grief in her heart for how she died, she refused to let them forget her–
Her honor.
Her loyalty.
Her strength.
How dare they remember her as anything less.
Her name is Nohara Rin and she is a loyal and honorable shinobi of Konoha. She is not a tool, a memory to build up their tragic backstory, to defend their choices.
The will of fire burns bright within her.
They should never forget that.
Her name is Rin and she has a long list of things she needs to talk about with Obito and Kakashi when they meet each other again.