Chapter Text
Remembering everything by himself weighed Fumiya down sometimes. He wished and wondered how it would be to forget everything like Ritsu did. He wondered if Ritsu could still feel the thing between them. Sometimes he wondered if it ever actually happened. He got so caught up in his lie that the truth became blurry from time to time. Maybe it was all a dream, because Ritsu was too beautiful to be real.
He was too gorgeous to be mine.
Sometimes he thought that the gods must be punishing him for thinking about leaving Ritsu even for a second. Somedays, when he wakes up on that miserable sofa, he forgets all about it. The fight, Ritsu’s birthday, the accident. His feet carry him to their shared room, to their bed, and as soon as he tries to lay down, he remembers.
When will Ritsu remember?
He thought that it was for the best. This way he could keep him in his life, without messing up everything. This way he could still see his loving eyes every morning. He wouldn’t have to break up with him twice. They were comfortable, cozy. Ritsu was more attentive. He listened more, complimented his cooking, called him handsome. This was enough for Fumiya. He could be enough. They were enough.
Until they weren’t.
He couldn’t blame Ritsu really. Who was he to blame him? His boyfriend? That’s bold. Ritsu had every right to do this. He was a single man after all. So when an elegant looking man came up to Ritsu to compliment his drawings, of course he had every right to smile so brightly at him. From what Fumiya could hear, the man’s name was Kurosawa (or whatever). He seemed a little older than Ritsu, not that it does matter.
At first, Fumiya thought he would eventually leave. He was awfully wrong. The man stuck around more. He treated them a dessert, sat next to Ritsu and talked to him about his illustrations. Fumiya started to feel like he was out of place.
When Ritsu gently hit the man’s shoulder while laughing at one of his jokes, Fumiya’s eyes got a hundred shades darker. His eyes got fixed to the man’s shoulder, where Ritsu’s fingers have touched.
Who am I to feel this way?
Who am I to him that I have the audacity to crave his touch?
It was all too much. He regretted every decision he has ever made from the day he broke up with him to the present. He somehow managed to make the most terrible decisions one by one. But now he had no right to do this to Ritsu. He couldn’t confuse him any more than he already was.
Maybe I should take my leave.
First he excused himself to the restroom, which only Ritsu seemed to notice. The man did not give a single damn about anyone other than Ritsu and he was not shy about it. He didn’t seem scared to show his attention.
I remember how it was…the feeling… to love him so proudly.
After splattering ice cold water on his face, he looked at his reflection in the mirror that was below eye distance for him. He did not like what he saw. He wanted to break it into a million pieces, just like how he did to himself.
When he got out of the restroom, the man was still there, touching Ritsu’s hands briefly. Fumiya had enough of it.
“Sorry Ritsu. I’ll leave first. I’ll see you at home.”
The man said something along the lines of nice meeting you but Fumiya wasn’t interested. He didn’t even see the look on Ritsu’s face while leaving.
Ritsu was also broken into a million pieces.