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There is a clock ticking in the back of her mind. It’s chiming eleven times. She’s counting. She keeps counting. It’s always eleven. She doesn’t know who’s trying to tell her something or what it is they’re trying to tell her. She keeps counting.
One.
One girl who she considers her best friend, one girl who she calls every night when her mother isn’t on the phone. Max won’t tell her what’s wrong and Eleven knows better than to spy on her, but they write letters back and forth and try to get each other through. Eleven knows what it’s like to lose a brother. Right now, she knows even better than she did before. She can’t wait to hug Max. To tell her that everything’s going to be okay.
Because Max isn’t dead. Max can’t be dead. Eleven loves her too much for her to be dead, and she knows Lucas does, too, and all their other friends. So Max isn’t dead. Max is going to be okay. Max is going to open her eyes and move her limbs and Eleven is going to hug her so, so tightly, and it will all be fine.
Two.
Two boys that are basically her brothers. Living with Jonathan and Will was a bit awkward, at first, but slowly they learned that she was their sister as she learned that they were her brothers. They never treated her like everyone else does; even now, Will is holding her hand and staring out the window as she leans her head on his shoulder. Jonathan makes eye contact with her through the rearview mirror, and she tries to smile.
Will and Jonathan love her, and she loves them. They’ll do anything they can to keep her safe. She knows this. Jonathan has always been so protective of Will (and Eleven isn’t blind, she can see the way Jonathan glares at Mike), and she’s been lucky enough that that protectiveness has extended to her. She, in turn, is protective of them. Henry wants them dead. She won’t let him come anywhere near her brothers.
Three.
Three boys that found her in the dead of night, in the pouring rain. She misses Lucas and Dustin more than words can say, because they’ve always been there for her even back when they didn’t really like her. They’ve come a long, long way since that day in the woods. Mike isn’t holding her hand right now, but he’s watching her out of the corner of his eye, their shoulders pressed together.
She thinks back to last summer. The six of them against the world. The three boys who found her doing their best to keep things from falling apart even as it seemed like the world was ending. She wants to go back to that, to a time when things were good. Except things weren’t good then, not really. Maybe they can be. Someday.
Four.
Four other people with her as they check into a motel for the night, using the cash that Argyle had stored in the glovebox. They get a room with two beds and request a cot so there’s room for all five of them to sleep without being separated. It’s not until they’re actually in the room that they realize they have no idea how they’re going to arrange themselves for sleeping. Mike is the first to offer to take the cot. Eleven doesn’t know if it’s because he can’t stand the idea of sharing with her or sharing with Will or both. She and Will end up in the same bed, curled around each other.
When she wakes up in the morning, Will is sitting up. He’s staring at Mike, but when he sees she’s awake, he quickly pretends to be staring at Jonathan and Argyle, instead. He raises his eyebrows a couple of times and Eleven glances over, sees that they’re cuddling. It doesn’t really surprise her, Argyle’s been at their house enough times that she knows he and Jonathan are close. She just didn’t know how close, she supposes. Will has told her about gay people, explained what the cruel words their classmates hurl at each other mean. Eleven doesn’t see a problem with it. Sometimes she thinks about the way Max’s face lights up when she smiles. So what? It’s just love. There’s too much hate in the world for her to be worrying about who people love.
Five.
Five hours in the car before they stop to get gas. She breaks up with Mike on hour four. Mike looks like he knew it was coming. The car is silent and awkward until they stop, and Will and Jonathan and Argyle all get out of the car and go into the convenience store, leaving her and Mike in the car alone.
Mike tells her she’s his superhero. She tells him he’s hers. But they’re not meant to be together. Mike needs to figure out who he is. Eleven needs to do the same. They hug for a long time, and they’re joking about her new haircut when the others get back, and it’s not awkward after that.
Six.
Six dollars spent on cheap food at a motel. The same rooming situation. Eleven dreams about Henry and Papa and she wakes up screaming. Will and Mike sit on opposite sides of her and hug her tight and Jonathan says they’re going to sleep with the lights on and she appreciates him for it. She doesn’t fall back asleep. She keeps thinking about Papa.
About how he used her. About how he betrayed her. About how he hurt her. About how, if she could go back in time and kill him, she thinks she would.
Seven.
Seven days in a week and fifty two weeks in a year and ten years in a decade and ten decades in a century and Eleven hates math but she hates Papa more. She doesn’t think she’s ever going to forgive him. She is the horror and she is the wild and he tried his best to turn her into something that could be used, could be harnessed, but she is unstoppable and she is indestructible and she is immovable.
Papa couldn’t control her if he tried. And he tried.
Eight.
Eight as the name of her sister who she misses. She wonders if Kali would come help, if she asked, and she already knows the answer. Kali is living a life far different from Eleven’s, and Eleven respects her for it. She misses her, sure. She misses knowing that there’s someone else like her out there, still out there, still alive.
She wonders what Eight would say if she mentioned One. She wonders if Eight would want to kill him as much as Eleven does.
Nine.
Nine more hours back to Hawkins, and then they’re in the woods wondering what they’re going to do next. Will is shaking and trying to pretend he’s not. The Upside Down is rightside up and Eleven knows that this is not going to end without a fight.
It never ends without a fight. For once, she wishes it would.
Ten.
Ten days of spring break. Ten days they were supposed to have on vacation, where everything was supposed to be alright. But she hugs her mom and she hugs her dad, her dad, her dad who is alive and who loves her and for a moment everything is okay.
It was supposed to be fine, they were supposed to be fine, but now they are here and together again and it is not fine but for a moment it is.
Eleven.
Eleven chimes on the clock. Will puts a hand to the back of his neck and Eleven knows this fight is far from over, far from over, far from over.