Chapter Text
Leslie , Ben
(Monday 7:26 pm) Fancy coming over to review the Education budget with some beers? We may have to fire Emma to balance out the budget unless you can find a way around it.
(Monday 7:29 pm) That’s lovely but I have no idea why you would have to fire ‘Emma’. There is no ‘Emma’ in the education department.
(Monday 7:31 pm) Yes there is, Emma Jones.
(Monday 7:35 pm) I’m good friends with the Education department, I can tell you for a fact there is no ‘Emma Jones’.
(Monday 7:40 pm) Chris, how can you already be friends with the education department when we’ve been here for a week?
(Monday 7:41 pm) Oh, you have the wrong number. Jerk.
(Monday 7:44 pm) I would apologize, if the unnecessary ‘Jerk’ weren’t used.
(Monday 7:44 pm) Well I wouldn’t want your apology anyways. Jerk.
(Monday 7:50 pm) How on earth could you know if I were a jerk or not? This’ a wrong number, you don’t even know my name.
(Monday 7:59 pm) You fire this ‘Emma Jones’ after knowing her for just a week. She could have a family to feed, you could be ruining her whole life! How do you think her bed-ridden husband will take the news?
(Monday 8:01 pm) I don’t know how her husband will feel because I do not care. This is my job.
(Monday 8:01 pm) And how do you know her husbands bed ridden if you don’t know her?
(Monday, 8:02 pm) It could be a perfectly hypothetical situation. My point is you just go into peoples lives, and without consideration you blow them apart. These are real people with real lives. I don’t know you, Sir, but you seem like a jerk!
(Monday 8:07 pm) I do what’s best for the towns budget, I wouldn’t do it purely on spite. It’s my job, not a choice.
(Monday 8:08 pm) Well I still think you’re a jerk.
(Monday 8:10 pm) Well thank you for your opinion, but sadly I don’t accept it from prejudice people like yourself.
(Monday 8:15 pm) Sadly I don’t care about that when I know my opinion’s correct.
(Monday 8:16 pm) Fine, I hope you have a lovely judgmental life.
(Monday, 8:17 pm) I hope you fulfill an inconsiderate life.
(Tuesday 11:34 pm) Jerk.
(Tuesday 3:34 pm) What exactly do you do as a job?
(Tuesday, 5:02 pm) What’s it to you?
(Tuesday 5:14 pm) I was just wondering if it came under the title of ‘Life Ruiner’
(Tuesday 5:21 pm) Mature. Thank you.
(Tuesday 5:29 pm) But if it’s any constellation to you, I’m a state auditor. I advise towns on budget.
(Tuesday 5:40 pm) So it’s more of a ‘Town Ruiner’?
(Tuesday 6:12 pm) Nope, more of a town fixer.
(Tuesday 6:19 pm) And in the process you screw up lives?
(Tuesday 6:33 pm) Look, I don’t like advising people to fire members of their own team, I do it out of how much it would benefit the budget overall. If one job will keep three projects funded then it may be a good idea to weigh out the bad and good points of said persons job.
(Tuesday 6:21 pm) Touchy. So you basically make a pros and cons list?
(Tuesday 6:26 pm) Essentially, yes.
(Tuesday 6:32 pm) That’s a reasonable plan. You may be a jerk, but you’re a jerk with brains.
(Tuesday 6:36 pm) I feel like that’s the closest I’ll ever get to compliment from you.
(Tuesday 6:39 pm) You’re probably right.
(Tueday 6:40 pm) Oh, and for the record, I’m texting you ironically. Jerk.
(Thursday 5:54 pm) I couldn’t fire her.
(Thursday 5:59 pm) What?
(Thursday 6:02 pm) I couldn’t fire that Emma girl. I could have advised her supervisor, but I didn’t.
(Thursday 6:07 pm) Why not?
(Thursday 6:11 pm) I had a your voice bugging me, telling me that I was ruining her life and that her bed-ridden husband would die.
(Thursday 6:14 pm) You don’t know what I sound like?
(Thursday 6:17 pm) No, but it was annoying.
(Thursday 6:30 pm) Maybe it was your subconscious.
(Thursday 6:39 pm) My subconscious isn’t a pain in the ass.
(Thursday 6:44 pm) Look who’s being prejudice now.
(Thursday 6:49 pm) I feel like we’re past the ‘prejudice’ point.
(Thursday 6:50 pm) Meaning what?
(Thursday 6:52 pm) That it isn’t exactly prejudice now seeing as this isn’t our first encounter.
(Thursday 6:55: pm) But we still don’t know each other. You don’t even know my name!
(Thursday 6:56 pm) Then enlighten me.
(Thursday 6:57 pm) What?
(Thursday 6:59 pm) Enlighten me. What’s your name?
(Thursday 7:00 pm) You could be some creepy internet stalker for all I know.
(Thursday 7:02 pm) All I know about you is that you work in government, and unless you have an obscure name, I don’t think Google could find you.
(Thurday 7:04 pm) I haven’t mentioned that I work in the government; you are a creepy internet stalker!
(Thursday 7:05 pm) You said you were friends with the Education department. The typical reasoning for you being friends with the education department as a unit is if you worked within government.
(Thursday 7:07 pm) That’s not bad, creepy internet stalker. I like the way you think.
(Thursday 7:10 pm) Thank you. That’s my new high score.
(Thursday 7:12 pm) What?
(Thursday 7:14 pm) You said that I’m a jerk with brains, and that was the closest to a compliment that you’ll give me. Now you’re saying you like the way I think.
(Thursday 7:16 pm) Well you’re defiantly smart.
(Thursday 7:20 pm) Yet another high score. Thank you, prejudice stranger.
(Thursday 7:31 pm) Don’t get used to it though.
(Thursday 7:39 pm) I will.
(Friday 2:48 am) Leslie
(Friday 2:57 am) What?
(Friday 3:04 am) You asked me what my name was. The subject changed, but now you know.
(Friday 3:16 am) Leslie? How old are you? 60?
(Friday 3:21 am) My mother was inspired by Leslie A. Miller.
(Friday 3:23 am) Oh. Is she in government too?
(Friday 3:24 am) Yeah.
(Friday 3:28 am) Why are you up at 3am?
(Friday 3:33 am) Back to back Red Dwarf. You?
(Friday 3:39 am) A really good idea to get rid of the pests on hole 6 at our local golf course came to me so I started a binder
(Friday 3:41 am) You made a binder at twenty to four on a Friday night?
(Friday 3:42 am) Yes, does that surprise you?
(Friday 3:43 am)I think it surprises most people, so yes. Yes it does
(Friday 4:45 am) Once a guy said I didn’t look like someone he’d go bowling with so I made a whole binder entitled ‘Bowler Comment’ and researched the depths of Google.
(Friday 3:45am) I’m scared you’ll create a binder on me now.
(Friday 3:46 am) Oh, you mean the one called ‘Jerk Who Sent Me A Wrong Message On A Monday Who’s A State Auditor’?
(Friday 3:47) I’m not sure if you’re joking or not…
(Friday 3:50) Leslie?
(Friday 4:07 am) Goodnight
(Sunday 8:16 pm) What’s your name?
(Sunday 8:20 pm) Now how do I know you aren’t a creepy internet stalker?
(Sunday 8:21 pm) Because I’m not going to search you on the internet with little knowledge of you.
(Sunday 8:24 pm) What’s it to you?
(Sunday 8:29 pm) Well everytime you text me my phone says ‘One new message from: Jerk.’.
(Sunday 8:31 pm) Really? ‘Jerk.’?
(Sunday 8:33 pm) Well what else could it be? Creepy internet stalker? Town ruiner?
(Sunday 8:38 pm) Fair point. But what makes you think you’d need a new name for me?
(Sunday 8:43 pm) Because my coworkers are asking me who this ‘Jerk.’ is, and I don’t have any answers. I always have answers.
(Sunday 8:47 pm) No, I mean do you think we’ll text again enough for the name to matter?
(Sunday 9:01 pm) Yes, don’t you?
(Sunday 9:09 pm) I don’t see a reason to.
(Sunday 9:17 pm) Okay then.
(Monday 1:53 am) My name’s Ben.
(Monday 1:54 am) Thanks.
(Monday 1:59 am) Anytime.
(Monday 2:01 am) Get some sleep.
(Monday 2:05 am) Yes ma’am.
(Monday, 2:08 am) Night, Ben
(Monday 2:10 am) Night, Leslie.
(Monday 2:14 am) :)
(Tuesday 7:42 am) :)