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Tubbo wasn’t scared of a lot of things.
Well, he didn’t enjoy fireworks anymore after the festival. And he certainly avoided Dream, but those just appeared after an event. They weren’t always there, but once they came, they were frightening. But he could ignore them, walk around them and turn a blind eye.
On New Year's, he would put in earplugs or leave until there were no more fireworks. They usually didn’t last that long anyway, and he would come back after to participate in games. And, yeah he didn’t have that luck with Dream, because he would get followed. But after he went to jail, his mind calmed a bit.
But some things were unavoidable. Nature decided when they came and when they left. You could escape them, you just had to wait them out while holding your breath.
Thunder was one of those things.
Tubbo hated it, had always hated it for as long as he remembered. Especially if it came in a storm. The wind would howl around your house, and paired with the rain clattering on the roof, it would be terrifying.
He remembered being young and crying under his blankets. Waking up in the middle of the night and pulling the blankets all over himself. Believing that if no one saw him, the storm wouldn’t kill him.
Then, puberty hit. He was too embarrassed to hide under his covers, but there was no one to comfort him. He would roll himself up on the floor of his bathroom, trying to not have a meltdown. And if he did have one, he would try to muffle it the best he could.
The festival hadn’t helped overcome his fears at all. Now he was extra scared of loud noises. Being reminded of his death every time the thunder hit. He couldn't escape his house, mobs would spawn around it. Being more active whenever darkness fell.
Still, there hadn’t been a lot of storms recently. So Tubbo counted that as a win. Silently, he counted the days, hoping to pass half a year without nature being upset. Of course, he should have expected his luck to run out.
It had been a good day. Ranboo hadn’t enderwalked the night before, so he had gotten a good night’s rest. He hadn’t done much on that particular day. Just the usual. Baked a bit, build a bit, played with Michael, and he and Ranboo talked about expanding the mansion again. It had all gone very smoothly without any arguments.
That was difficult sometimes. Ranboo was fancy and wanted extravagant doorways, beautiful ceilings, and a lovely garden for them to plant flowers. Tubbo was a bit more realistic tho and knew the time and money it would take. They didn’t fight about it per se, but Tubbo hated to remind Ranboo of prices and see the excitement die out in their eyes.
They had discussed Michael’s playroom today and were easy to agree on things. They had built out a plan and a list of essentials like paint and stuff. Michael had a lot of toys, and his bedroom was a constant mess. Ranboo liked to have the floors clean and well, and Tubbo did too. So the playroom idea only came naturally.
Ranboo had cooked that day. While it wasn’t gourmet, chicken soup could never go wrong. It was easy, convenient, and really just something that was comforting in every way. Michael liked it too, he could slurp it up and it wasn’t super messy. Although the young Piglin still struggled with a spoon, so Tubbo fed him bite for bite. (Ranboo had offered to do it, but it was still water, and Ranboo was an Enderman. They could drink it plenty, but the risk of it getting on his skin was too big. It was fine, Tubbo didn’t mind feeding his son.)
They had hung on the couch for the rest of the evening, Michael between them with some toys. Ranboo played with the Piglin a bit, and Tubbo laughed warmly at the oinks of Michael. Time had flown by, and then Michael was already snoring between the two of them while they were drinking tea.
Tubbo had carried him upstairs, not even bothering to take a torch with him as he placed Michael in his little bed. Tucking him in, Tubbo admired his pink curls. He brushed them lightly, before kissing his head and leaving the room.
‘’Why does that child already has so much hair?’’ Tubbo questioned as he closed the door behind him.
‘’Idk man, the Nether’s temperature or something,’’ Ranboo murmured as they leaned against the wall opposite side of Tubbo. Ranboo’s eyes glowed in the darkness, their white side reverberated with the moonlight that came through a window.
‘’Oh, you know it better again, huh?’’ Tubbo teased as he turned to look up at his spouse. A smirk grew on his face.
‘’Well, yes. I do know it better.’’ Ranboo huffed offendedly. ‘’You see the lava-‘’
‘’Please not again, Boo!’’ Tubbo begged. It was late, and he was not hoping for a three hour explanation of why Michael had a lot of hair.
Ranboo seemed to consider this for a moment, then they shrugged and walked towards Tubbo. ‘’You asked you know? You should expect me to educate you.’’
Tubbo hold out his arms so that Ranboo could pick him up easily. Ranboo shook their head at this but still picked him up all the same. Tubbo placed his head against their shoulders and yawned loudly.
Ranboo chuckled. ‘’Do you love me for carrying you?’’
‘’No, shut up.’’ Tubbo giggled in return.
Ranboo hummed as they gently brushed through Tubbo’s curls. ‘’Then I don’t love you either.’’ He said, warmly.
‘’Gonne call bullshit on that one, bossman.’’ Tubbo murmured. They were silent for a moment, Tubbo almost falling asleep right there.
‘’Mkay. I’m going to turn the fireplace off, okay?’’
‘’Ye, ye.’’ Tubbo snorted. Ranboo walked into their shared bedroom and gently placed Tubbo on the bed.
‘’You lie down already, I’ll be back.’’
Ranboo squeezed Tubbo’s cheek and chuckled when Tubbo giggled at the touch. Then they walked away, making sure to not be loud as Michael was sleeping.
Tubbo silently listened to the rain that had started to fall. It fell against the windows and clattered against the roof. It was almost calming.
Almost.
Tubbo tensed up a bit when he heard the rain falling harder. He sat up straight, was the wind picking up?
He jumped up and ran to the window. He paled as he saw the dark clouds covering the stars. That was not good. He closed the curtains and prayed a storm wouldn’t form.
But fuck Tubbo, because the wind started howling outside. It sounded like a warning to him. Mobs would spawn more now…
Tubbo started pacing around the room frantically, his lips on a tense line, ears sharp for more signs.
“Love?” Ranboo peaked their head next to the door. Head slightly cocked to the side, blinking their long lashing when they saw Tubbo walking.
“Did you lock the door?” Tubbo asked as he forced himself to stand still.
“Yeah, why?” Ranboo entered the bedroom now, towering over Tubbo as they came closer.
“Nothing!” Tubbo laughed nervously. He looked up at Ranboo and swallowed when he noticed their worried look.
God, he was an adult. He shouldn’t have been scared of storms, it was pathetic.
“J-just checking. I feel that there are a lot of mobs n-nearby.” Tubbo stammered out, jumping from one foot to another.
“Must be the rain,” Ranboo stated.
Tubbo wanted to reply, but he winced when the wind howled loudly all of a sudden.
Ranboo looked him up and down. “I mean if you’re that worried I can check.” They suggested sheepishly.
“Yea, that’d be great.” Tubbo nodded.
Ranboo gave him a thumbs up and walked out of the room muttering something.
See, they aren’t scared! Tubbo thought as he let himself fall on the carpet. Why couldn’t he control himself? He scratched the scar on his face, it itched badly.
Tubbo could hear the rain outside hitting the windows harder. Once he noticed it, he felt his heartbeat picking up speed.
He was full-on shaking now, and couldn’t help himself from scratching his scar more. He needed to find more coping mechanisms to control himself. He took a deep breath, and let it out shakily. ‘’Get a grip, get a fucking grip!’’ he growled.
‘’All locked up, no mobs are entering!’’ Ranboo announced as they opened the door.
‘’Good!’’ Tubbo replied croakily.
Ranboo walked towards him and stretched out a hand. ‘’You’re going to sleep on the floor or not?’’
Tubbo shook his head and accepted the hand. Almost fell over right away because fuck, he was dizzy! Ranboo grabbed his hand, lips pressed firm. ‘’Are you okay?’’
‘’I’m fine!’’ Tubbo snapped. It came out angrier than he meant it. But he was nervous, and just wanted to sleep and skip the night.
Ranboo raised an eyebrow. ‘’You think? You don’t look fine to me.’’
‘’Just tired,’’ Tubbo murmured as he avoided Ranboo’s gaze. ‘’Can’t we just sleep? I’m cold and tired.’’ He whined.
Ranboo stared at him for a moment. But then he placed a hand on Tubbo’s head, and Tubbo knew that his spouse wasn’t going to push this even further. Tubbo ran towards the bed, jumping in it as he shivered. The wind outside was still howling loud as ever, and Tubbo wondered if Ranboo was scared of anything.
‘’Make room.’’ Ranboo ordered as they followed him. Tubbo did, and Ranboo placed himself next to him. They wiggled themselves closer to Tubbo and grabbed his hand.
It was dark, and silent for a moment. Outside, the rain was falling. Tubbo could hear some spiders hissing nearby, but they couldn’t enter. They were supposed to be safe, right?
‘’So, why-‘’
Ranboo was cut off by a loud roar of thunder crashing outside. Tubbo jolted upright, heart pounding against his rib cage. Sound beeping in his ears. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
‘’Bee?’’
Tubbo didn’t register Ranboo’s sentence. He took deep breaths but it seemed like there was no air in the room. Memories of the festival flew before his eyes, he didn’t want to die again! He could feel his hands shaking, he had to breathe, had to breathe. Come on, breathe! In, out, in out. Or was it out, in? He looked behind him and made a startled noise when he saw Ranboo. They were also sitting upright now, worried expression readable even in the dark. He had to leave! Ranboo couldn’t see him like this.
Tubbo jumped out of bed, his legs shaking but he ignored it. Ranboo crawled over the bed to follow him but Tubbo shook his head frantically. ‘’N-no! Leave me alone!’’ He ran over the carpet in a rush, almost slipping over the hardwood floors as he reached the door.
‘’Tubbo!’’ Ranboo’s eyes were big, just like Tubbo’s. But Tubbo was not going to wait for Ranboo to follow him, he opened the door, ready to leave.
The room was full of light all of a sudden.
BWAM!
Tubbo screamed as the thunder hit again. No, no, no! He placed his hand on the doorknob, but his vision was blurry. He couldn’t see. Nausea hit Tubbo as he thought of how a tree next to the house could’ve been hit. He opened the door and took a step, but he suddenly tripped and the floor was seconds away.
‘’I got you.’’ Ranboo grabbed Tubbo by his shoulders and pulled him against themselves. Tubbo inhaled deeply, he squeezed his eyes shut, and leaned against Ranboo. He still wasn’t breathing smoothly, and his vision had black dots. He whined, softly. ‘’I don’t wanna die again!’’
He could feel Ranboo stiffen at this, but then he felt a hand combing through his hair. ‘’You’re not going to die.’’ Tubbo bowed his head carefully so his tears wouldn’t reach Ranboo. ‘’I’m here, and you’re with me.’’ Ranboo continued. It sounded reassuring, but Tubbo was still frightened of the sounds outside.
‘’Why are you sad, my love?’’
That hit Tubbo. He turned around him, burying his head against Ranboo’s chest. The muffled noises he made confirmed that he was, in fact, crying. He took quick breaths in and out, trying to balance it with crying. ‘’Msorry! Msorry I tried to run away!’’ he hiccupped.
‘’You’re okay. You’re fine.’’ Ranboo murmured, they kneeled so they could be face-to-face with Tubbo. ‘’But you need to do something for me.’’
Tubbo blinked but kept silent.
Ranboo took that as a yes as they placed a hand on Tubbo’s chest. ‘’Breathe with me.’’
Tubbo placed a hand on Ranboo’s chest in return and waited for them to start breathing loudly. It was a familiar routine that they had done countless times before. When Ranboo was panicking about his memories or Tubbo about Dream. They would place a hand on each other’s chest and breathe together to calm down.
‘’In.’’ Ranboo took an extravagant breath, and Tubbo followed them. ‘’Out, easy now.’’ and Tubbo exhaled. His cheeks were stained with tears, his eyes puffy and his scar irritated by the water. ‘’In…’’ He inhaled slowly. ‘’Out, slowly.’’ Ranboo ordered.
They repeated this for some time, Ranboo rising their chest steadily, and Tubbo trying to match his pattern to theirs.
There was still thunder crashing outside, and Tubbo winced everything Ranboo’s face was lit up by the light. But then Ranboo would pull him in for a hug and drape their arms around him. The lighting was scary, but the thunder was just awful. Tubbo squeezed his eyes shut every time in advance, but he would still be mortified when the sound actually came.
BWAMN!
The whole house shook, the wind banging against the windows as Tubbo hold his breath. That broke him. Tears flooded down his face as he began to sob out large tears. He cried for his stupidity, for his family, for his safety. Blurred vision, he slumped against the ground while he hiccuped.
‘’Bo, come here.’’ Ranboo shuffled closer to him and threw their arms around him. ‘’You’re safe inside, the thunder is far away.’’ They drew circles in Tubbo’s back with a finger, not bothered by how Tubbo was still shaking. The breathing techniques hadn’t helped this time. ‘’Can you name three things you see?’’
Tubbo sniffed and looked around him. ‘’Bed. Closet.’’ He looked around and then at Ranboo. ‘’I see you, does that count?’’
Ranboo nodded.
‘’Then you.’’
‘’Can you… name three things you hear? And not the thunder.’’
Hmm. Tubbo sharpened his ears, trying to hear things besides the weather. ‘’My heartbeat, a torch in the hallway and Michael snoring in his room.’’
Ranboo raised an eyebrow. ‘’You can hear him?’’
‘’Yes.’’
‘’Three things you feel?’’
‘’Cold floors, your fingers, and my clothes.’’
‘’Very good, I’m proud of you.’’ Ranboo complimented. They put their arms around Tubbo and picked him up with a slight grunt. One hand trailing off to scratch Tubbo’s scalp. ‘’You want to talk about your emotions?’’ No judgment, just asking him what he needed.
‘’I-I want to go to bed again.’’ Tubbo admitted, he was exhausted and cold. Ranboo didn’t complain as they turned around to go back to bed. Softly, Tubbo was placed back where he was a few minutes ago. Ranboo sat beside him as Tubbo stared at his hands.
‘’Can we cuddle?’’
Ranboo nodded and shifted to lie down on the bed. Tubbo let himself get comfortable before grabbing the blanket and covering them both. Hands encircled him, keeping him warm. Tubbo placed his head next to Ranboo’s. Silently listening to the storm outside.
‘’I- uhm.’’ He started, unsure if he should start this conversation right now. It was late, and he could just ignore what had happened earlier and go to sleep. But that was not the right thing to do. Ranboo and he had talked a few weeks prior that they should communicate more. Tell each other what they needed and not dance around topics. It would be the key to a better relationship, they said.
Ranboo squeezed his hand affirmably. So Tubbo pushed his own needs away for now, taking a deep breath to prepare himself. ‘’I’m terrified of storms.’’
It was silent next to him, but he could feel Ranboo turn around themselves to look at him. ‘’I’ve always been scared of them…’’ Tubbo continued as he stared at Ranboo’s green and red eyes. ‘’But it became worse after- You get it right?’’
Ranboo certainly did not get it. They raised an eyebrow, a confused look forming. ‘’N-no?’’
‘’This incident.’’ Tubbo pointed to the scar that covered half his face. ‘’Second life was gone. A rocket launcher.’’
Ranboo let out a startled noise. ‘’How-‘’
‘’The festival. It was Technoblade who had to kill me.’’ It was weird saying it out loud so bluntly. But it needed to be talked about, the choked sound Ranboo produced was enough to confirm he hadn’t talked about it.
‘’I forgave him a long time ago. He was under pressure.’’
‘’I’m sorry you had to go through that…’’ Ranboo whispered. They raised a hand hesitantly. ‘’Can I caress your cheek?’’
‘’Yeah…’’
Slowly, Ranboo placed a hand on Tubbo’s cheek. Ranboo’s fingers were chill, and they felt nice against his slightly irritated skin. As Ranboo had promised, they gently started brushing it. Making sure to not hurt Tubbo in any way.
‘’You get nervous because of the sounds?’’ They asked.
Tubbo hummed. Tried to ignore the sounds outside and instead grounded himself by sinking into Ranboo’s touch. ‘’Hmhm. The sound reminds me of it and I get deja-vu.’’
Silently, Ranboo pulled Tubbo closer to them until they were practically interlocked together. Tubbo took a deep breath. There were still sounds of thunder outside, and hell, he should’ve been scared. But with his spouse close to him, and a heavy blanket dropped over him, he felt like he had something between him and the storm. And he knew Ranboo would protect him now, and comb through his hair if his panic rose. It was comfortable and warm, and Tubbo fell asleep in Ranboo’s arms.