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Buck had been agitated all through their shift, making it seem longer than it actually was.
Buck was Eddie’s partner and if he wasn’t okay then Eddie wasn’t either, their partnership had always been like that. They were always in sync with each other but this shift was different. Buck was quiet, which in itself was weird, he couldn’t keep his hands still more than usual.
The rest of the team had noticed it too and they all did what they could to help their friend. They were a family.
Every time that Buck was touched by one of them, he would relax into the touch as if it was grounding him, bringing him back to earth.
Eddie was reaching out more than usual, letting their fingers linger and touch for longer than necessary when delivering a cup of coffee.
They all knew what was going on. Even Chimney was agitated.
The Buckley parents were in town.
Thankfully the B shift was arriving and everyone was finishing their things before heading for the locker room, except for Buck.
He was still sitting at the wooden table, staring at his hand. Eddie came closer, he let his fingers touch Buck’s shoulder first so he was aware of someone touching him and then Eddie set his whole hand there.
Buck didn’t flinch or tried to move away. They always seemed to be aware of each other all the time, not even being surprised when there was contact between them.
“Why don’t you come with me?”
“I need to go home and change before…” Buck looked almost devastated at the thought of having to go. There was something Eddie hadn’t told him yet.
“And you are going to do that. I’m pretty sure I have some of your clothes at the house.”
“I don’t think that my parents would approve if I showed up with a hoodie.” Buck sighed throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling.
“Fine, but show up after it, I think a boost of Christopher will do wonders for you,” Eddie smirked as he saw a small but genuine smile trying to show up on Buck’s lips at the mention of Christopher. “Besides I need a ride.”
Like that Eddie dropped the bomb.
“What?” Buck stared at him in confusion.
“I’m going to this dinner with you. I told you years ago that I had your back. I wasn’t there last time but I will be now.” Eddie had gotten a call from Maddie suggesting it, a way to help Buck be at ease with this dinner. Eddie couldn’t even promise that he would behave around the Buckley parents.
“Eddie…” Buck’s tone was something so intimate, something just for them and it felt off that the B shift was around for this.
“Go and you know where to find me. I even bought wine.” Before leaving his friend, Eddie squeezed Buck’s shoulder which got him a shy smile from him.
It was a win.
Eddie noticed the look he got from his best friend when he opened the front door, the glance making him blush a little, he might hate the Buckley parents but Eddie still wanted to look presentable and like he belonged next to Buck.
“Don’t.” Eddie warned but got a smirk in return.
“And you were trying to convince me to just go wearing a hoodie?” Buck stepped inside the house barely leaving any space between them.
He was wearing one of his most formal button-ups, Eddie probably only saw him wear it once before. Even if Buck looked great, he still looked uncomfortable. The difference was stunning between Buck wearing something like this and a hoodie. Around the house when Buck was in his most comfortable clothes he seemed to feel happier, more comfortable, and young, because deep down Buck was still that young guy that Eddie met. Same hopeful and open-hearted person, that slowly was learning from his own mistakes. That slowly had fit next to Eddie so easily and into his life. A partner like he never had before.
“Just go see your best friend.” Eddie deflected. He was pretty sure that Buck wasn’t going to forget this talk and just put it away for later.
Buck moved easily around the house to find Christopher and the laughter filling the house was also filling Eddie’s heart with joy and pride. He could give this to Buck, for as long as the other wanted it.
Eddie busied himself with a few simple chores around the house. Buck wasn’t the only one that was nervous about this dinner, they were all a bit on edge with it even people who weren’t going to be there.
Their closest friend knew what the Buckley siblings had gone through with their parents.
Eddie leaned against the door frame as he watched Buck and Christopher interact, with Buck making or trying to make some dinosaur sounds while having around a t-rex toy. It’s been a while since Chris had used it but it was enough to make the both of them laugh. Eddie grinned, bottling up this moment inside his heart, how they look so happy and carefree.
Knocking on the door Eddie got their attention.
“It’s time to go boys.” They both pouted, making them look like father and son. Eddie understood why so many people confused Buck as Chris’ dad. Which deep down he was.
He could see Buck’s posture change right away, hopefully, Eddie could help him out during dinner.
They dropped off Chris at Hen, Eddie had already talked to her and Karen about Chris staying over since they didn’t know how everything was going to go. Buck even got one of Chris’ tight hugs for good luck, which led to Buck quickly pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes to push his tears away.
The ride to Chimney and Maddie’s new house was quiet, Buck parked his Jeep outside but didn’t move from his seat.
“Take as long as you want.” Eddie tried to help his best friend relax, he almost reached for Buck’s hand.
“They won’t wait forever,” Buck said with a sad chuckle. “I can’t believe I’m bringing you to this.”
“You aren’t. Your sister did.” Eddie took a deep breath. “When they came back to LA that first time I wanted to be there for you.”
“Yeah, I remember how well that dinner went.” Buck sighed letting his head rest against the headrest and closing his eyes. “I shouldn’t bring you into this mess.”
“Let me do this for you, okay? You stepped with me into my mess before.” Eddie remembered how much it meant when Buck found him on his bedroom floor, how it felt like a rescuing rope. Blue eyes stared at him, Eddie knew that Buck would do it all over again. “I am gonna do the same for you. Just like you deserve.”
“ Eddie …” There was so much vulnerability in just a simple word.
“You can’t keep hiding your parents from me. You have met mine and you know Tia Pepa and Abuela.” Eddie tried his best to lighten up the mood and he was able to get a soft smile from Buck at the mention of his closest family.
Both Abuela and Pepa loved Buck with all their heart and Eddie really couldn’t judge them because he loved his best friend more than he should.
They got out of the Jeep and headed to the door, Eddie rested his hand on Buck’s lower back to encourage him, to assure him that he was right there by his side.
Maddie was the one opening the door for them, quickly pulling Buck into a tight hug and whispering something in his ear. Eddie admired their relationship, and how close they were even with everything that was thrown at them. How they leaned on each other to survive the madness of their childhood.
They could hear Jee fussing inside the house, so they all follow the sound to find her in Margaret’s arms trying to get free. Maddie quickly rescued her daughter, looking as apologetic as she could, which in Eddie’s opinion it was more than Margaret deserved.
“I’m sorry, she doesn’t do well with strangers.” Jee was already hiding herself in Maddie’s arms.
“Evan.” It was the first word coming out of Margaret’s mouth toward them, it sounded as cold as her eyes looked. Their blue had nothing to do with Buck’s.
Eddie loved Buck’s first name, the truth was that, but he knew how Buck felt toward the name and now he could see why. It didn’t only feel cold but also tainted, toxic like poison spreading through your bloodstream. It wasn’t even directed at Eddie but he could feel all of that.
Her eyes moved from her son to Eddie, like they would threaten him in any way.
“You are?” Phillip stood behind his wife, a small nod shared with his son.
“Eddie Diaz.” Eddie introduced himself not even bothering to offer his hand for a handshake. He looked over at Buck, he looked like a kid that had just messed up even if he hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Just come by to drop, Evan?” Margaret asked and then looked at her son. “Didn’t you have a car?”
“I do, Eddie is an important part of my life so I think he should be here.” To anyone else, it might sound confident but to people that really knew Buck, it was possible to notice that he was nervous.
“I’m Buck’s partner, I work with both him and Chim- Howard. And Maddie invited me.” Eddie clenched his jaw, trying to keep as expressionless as possible, his shoulder pressing into Buck’s. I got your back .
Before things could escalate any further, Chimney brought the food to the table with a warm and pleased smile as he called everyone for dinner.
A really long dinner ahead of them.
It started quiet and Eddie could feel Buck relaxing a bit at his side, especially when interacting with Jee, it was adorable to see and Eddie couldn’t keep the smile off his face while watching.
“I always forget how good you are with kids.” The table went quiet with Margaret’s comment, it almost sounded nice. “When are you giving me grandchildren, Evan?”
And it was gone just like that, all the little good mood that was starting to settle.
Eddie felt his best friend tense up again, it had only been a few minutes of quietness, instantly he reached under the table and settle his hand on Buck’s leg - right above his knee. In hope that it would help in any way but also to keep Eddie himself from saying something.
“I clearly didn’t get it from you.” Buck stated, before turning back his attention to Jee. Eddie couldn’t help but smirk, Chimney had a funny face on like he had just imagined that, and Maddie looked resigned that this dinner was about to go to hell.
“Evan.” It was a warning.
“It’s not a lie, I don’t remember you or dad ever playing with me.” Buck had tried, Eddie had seen it.
He had tried to give his parents an opportunity and they didn’t take it, most of Buck’s life had been him giving them chances and they never once cared to grab it.
“You know why.” This time it was Phillip, he almost looked like a puppet in Margaret’s hands.
“I know for what? Two years? Nothing changed, so you don’t get to ask me about my life. I came because I love my sister.” Buck stopped to look at Maddie and give her a soft smile before turning his expression back to blank and turning to his parents. “I didn’t come here to fight.”
It was shivering to see Buck act this cold, it was nothing like him. Buck was always gentle and soft unless you hurt his family, he wears his heart on his sleeve and gives opportunities, but now Buck seemed done with his parents.
“We are not going to have this conversation with…strangers.” Margaret looked between Buck and Eddie.
“Eddie is not a stranger. Hell, he is an amazing father and one that I hoped I had, one that I hope that I can be.” It wasn’t the first time that Buck has even complimented Eddie about him being a good dad to Chris, but this time it felt so much more charged.
Maybe it was because Buck had slipped his own hand under the table and found Eddie’s, holding it like a lifeline. Eddie intertwined their fingers and gave it a squeeze. He would always be there for his best friend.
“Evan-”
“Don’t.” It was incredible how Buck sounded calm, even if Eddie knew that inside his head everything was chaotic. “Whenever you come here it's to hurt us. I get it, you lost a kid, but you had two more. Maddie is an amazing mother.” Blue eyes were starting to get glassy with unshed tears, only getting worst when Buck shared a look with his sister. “I know that she will do an amazing job with Jee because she did it with me.”
Eddie saw how Maddie reached for her brother, hand wrapping around the hand he still had resting on top of the table. Even Chimney looked proud of his almost brother-in-law.
“We are your parents!” Margaret raised her voice but seemed to control herself when she noticed that Jee seemed a bit scared at that.
“You are the people that contributed to my DNA. Family doesn’t end with blood and in this case, the family I have here? In LA? Is the one I care about, it's the one who has been there when I needed it. Is the one that loves me for who I am. Last time I asked you to love me anyway, but I deserve more than that. I deserve people that love me despite my flaws, that just love me.”
Eddie had never felt so proud of Buck just like right now, standing up for himself and his chosen family.
“It’s because of him that you are doing this?” It almost felt like the words were sharp knives being thrown at Eddie, and he couldn’t help but snort as he stared challengingly at Margaret.
“No. He is doing it for himself, because he has crappy parents.” Eddie finally spoke, no longer able to hide his hatred for them. “You really think that everyone else is the problem and not you two?”
“How dare you speak to me like that? You know nothing about this family.”
“I do, and I still get surprised every time with how the two of you were so lucky to have such amazing kids and not love them. I can’t even believe that you are their real parents, Maddie and Buck are nothing like you. They are kind and amazing people ready to help others and I know for sure that Jee-Yun couldn’t have better parents.” Eddie then turned to look at Buck that seemed a bit surprised and in awe at the same time. “I know that Evan is an amazing parent, one that you two can never be, that is why he is the legal guardian for my kid.”
They really haven’t discussed it much after the shooting, it took them a lot of time to even talk a little about the shooting but they definitely hadn’t shared it with anyone else. Buck probably didn’t even tell his sister considering how surprised Maddie looked.
“Is that the kid you keep posting pictures with?” Phillip sounded surprised but not at all at the same time.
Buck seemed torn, probably not wanting to drag Christopher into this.
“That handicapped kid?! You rather choose him than us? Then having a normal life?!” This was escalating quickly by Margaret’s words.
Before Eddie could say anything Buck was already standing up, pushing his hands against the table to make himself look bigger.
“Don’t you dare. That kid is the smartest, kindest, and bravest kid I ever met. I would even say than any person in the world.” Buck let out through grunted teeth. “He saved me when I thought I couldn’t be saved, he fought for me and saved me from myself. He loves me with all his heart and I love him like he was my own. He doesn’t have one flaw that you can point out.”
Eddie couldn’t help but just kept staring at Buck, now his tears freely falling.
“I should be spending my night with him and not with you two.” It was the last thing that Buck said before starting to walk for the door.
“I will take care of him.” Eddie quickly said to Maddie, she gave him a small nod.
Eddie felt a bit bad for leaving his friends to deal with the Buckley parents but Buck needed him more.
When Eddie left the house Buck was already near the Jeep, using it as support to catch his breath not from the walk outside but from everything he just let out of his chest.
“I’m so proud of you, Buck…” Eddie felt himself on the edge too, he hated to see Buck like this especially when he didn’t really know what to do to help more.
“I feel like a piece of shit of a son.” Buck looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes.
Eddie grimaced at that, he knew exactly how Buck felt even if he was the right one in this situation. He reached out and squeezed Buck’s shoulder gently.
“I know, it’s an ability parents have. To make us feel like shit even when they are the ones who are wrong.” Eddie sighed. “I hope to never make that mistake with Christopher.”
“We both know you won’t.” Buck cleaned his tears away even showing a little smile, standing up a bit straighter now.
“Let me take the Jeep, I promise to not scratch it.” Eddie teased as he offered his hand, Buck still seemed unsure to give him the keys.
They shifted their usual seats. If Eddie was being honest, it felt weird to be the one driving and especially being the Jeep. Still, it was necessary, Buck looked like he was ready to pass out and sleep for the next few hours.
Eddie drove along the dark roads with Buck at his side either messing with the radio station or just resting his head against the window and stare outside.
“Where are we going?” Buck sounded just as tired as he looked.
“I know you probably just want to sleep all of this away, but I think we need one more thing that we need.” Eddie wanted to reach for Buck’s hand again, try to comfort him as much as possible but they were alone now it was far too different from before.
Eddie could feel Buck looking at him in confusion but all of that went away when he parked the Jeep outside of the Wilson’s household.
“Eddie…you told him he could have a sleepover with Denny.” Buck didn’t move from his spot on the passenger seat.
“You know how much Christopher loves you. He will rather be with us.” Eddie could already see the tears starting to pool in Buck’s eyes. “You don’t have to go inside, you can stay here.”
“No, I will go with you. It will be good to see familiar faces.”
As soon as they got inside the house Buck was taken into Hen’s arms before Karen replaced her wife. Eddie quickly greeted the two women before heading towards Denny’s bedroom, knocking on the door before poking his head inside.
“Hi, boys.”
“Hi.” They said in unison without looking away from their game.
“Wait, have we been playing all night?” Christopher paused their game to stare at his father.
“No.” Eddie tried to offer a reassuring smile but he probably failed at that, his son has always been an observant kid. “The dinner was rough on Buck, he needs a bit of cheering up. I know I said you could stay for a sleepover-”
He was cut off by Chris getting up and starting to pack his things, sometimes Eddie forgot that Buck was his best friend but also Chris’ and that his son would always be there for Buck as well.
“I promise that next time we have a weekend off I will let you boys pick whatever you want.” Eddie knew he would probably regret it later.
As soon as Christopher headed for the living room Buck started to crouch down to take the boy in his arms, lifting him up from the floor. Almost like Chris was a koala hugging a tree. Eddie could see Hen and Karen look at their friend with soft expressions and Eddie couldn’t really judge them since he knew that his face was doing a lot worst.
This time the ride home wasn’t quiet, Chris filled the silence easily by talking about the game he and Denny had been playing. Even with the rough evening that Buck had he still paid attention to every word that Chris said to him.
Finally with the three of them under the same roof, and in their home, Eddie could feel himself relax a bit more. Christopher quickly changed into his pajamas and Buck changed into some more comfortable clothes, like his favorite hoodie. And it felt like should be Eddie’s every night.
They settled on the couch with Christopher using Buck’s side as support instead of the couch, they had some movie in the background, but it was obvious that neither of them was really paying attention to it.
“You could have stayed with Denny.” Buck broke the silence, his words being aimed at Christopher that looked up at him with a frown.
“No,” Christopher said seriously. Probably as serious as Eddie as ever seen him. “Buck, you are family and when family needs us we are there for them. You need us more.”
Eddie had to fight back at his own tears, Buck looked up at the ceiling to not let Chris see it but it was a last cause.
“Don’t ever change.” Buck said and after he kissed Chris’ curls.
Eddie knew his son was getting too big for all of this attention but he didn’t even flinch or tried to pull away from the gesture. If anything, Christopher buried himself deeper into Buck’s side.
Slowly Eddie let his eyes fall shut for a few seconds, they had a long shift and an exhausting dinner, it was bound to happen. So, when he opened his eyes again he saw that also Chris and Buck had fallen asleep.
Chris was mostly using Buck as a pillow and Buck had fallen asleep with his hand supporting his face, elbow pressed against the back of the couch. There was no way this could be comfortable and even if Eddie didn’t want to move he still did.
Carefully, he picked his son up, it had been so long since he had to do this and it was heartwarming that he could still do it. Christopher was growing so fast that soon Eddie wouldn’t be able to do this anymore.
Eddie tucked his son into his bed before returning to the living room to find Buck already awake, even though it was clear how sleepy he still was, how he was fighting back his desire to close his eyes again.
“Thank you.” Buck was hoarse from his little nap.
“For what?” Eddie sat down next to his best friend, their knees knocking on each other as they sat sideways on the couch so that they would be facing each other.
“For being there with me. For getting Chris to cheer me up. For having my back.”
Buck did look a lot better than before, calmer and less guilty for what had happened.
“You know that I am always here for you.” Eddie should be a lot more stressed out about this than he was, he had come to terms with his feeling towards his best friend and it didn’t scare him as much anymore. He knew a simple choice of words could reveal all that was trapped inside his chest, so close to his heart. “You know how much Christopher loves you, I know he would rather be here than anywhere else.”
“Do you?” Buck asked with a hint of hope and fear at the same time. “Love me?”
They have had this conversation before, but not just the two of them. They all made it clear to their chosen family that they all loved each other even if sometimes they drove each other crazy. They had much more good moments than bad ones. So yes, they had said I love you to each other before but not in this context. Not when it was just the two of them, without any shield to protect them from what really was created between them.
“I do.” Eddie saw Buck’s breathing hitch at the confirmation and after a few seconds, it came out as a breath of relief.
“You know…after that my parents probably think that we are dating.” Buck was obviously testing the waters, they both knew that at this point Buck really didn’t take his parents' opinion into consideration.
“And they clearly didn’t like it.” Eddie snorted, pressing his knee harder against Buck’s. “Would that be so bad?”
He didn’t know where all this bravery came from, but Eddie needed to know if this was the moment that would change their relationship from further on.
Buck seemed to be taken by surprise when Eddie dare himself from looking down from their legs to his best friend’s face. This whole conversation had been spinning around the same thing, how Eddie and Buck were always there for each other and they would be there for Chris too. Like a family. Just the three of them.
“Kiss me.”
Eddie wanted to do it so badly, he had to stop himself from reaching out to Buck and just give in to his request.
Buck’s face started to crumble into an expression of regret with how long Eddie was taking to answer him or really do anything.
“I want to. But not tonight. I don’t want this to happen due to your shitty parents.” Eddie couldn’t really hide his dislike for them. “So, I promise. We have all the time in the world”
And as if to seal his promise Eddie reaches out, gently resting his hand on Buck’s neck. With his thumb, he caressed his best friend’s jaw and he watched as Buck leaned into the touch. Then, Eddie pressed his lips against Buck’s forehead, he stood there longer than necessary before pulling away to get up.
“Get some sleep.” Eddie wanted to bring Buck with him to bed, and reassure him that everything would be fine. They just needed a little more time to get there.
It took Eddie longer than he planned. It had been a full week since the dinner with Buckley's parents and between shifts and everything else he and Buck really hadn’t had much time alone. Everyone was there for Buck, to make sure that he was okay after they heard what had happened.
At first, Buck had a hard time facing him but it only lasted about one day before they had gone back to their usual BuckandEddie thing, their looks would be caught on each other for longer and so would their touches, they didn’t look away anymore when the other caught them staring. They were slowly getting there.
It took them a trip to the grocery store for Eddie to finally take that final step. They had just come off their shift and were getting some things so they wouldn’t need to leave the house on their day off.
Buck was looking at him with two different types of cheese and asking which one Eddie wanted. Before Eddie could think much about it he closed any distance between them, his hands on each side of Buck’s face and if it was any other time Buck’s comical face would make Eddie laugh, but instead, he just kissed his best friend in the middle of the grocery store.
For a second there Eddie really thought that it had screwed up badly until Buck dropped everything in his hands to kiss him back, like kissing Eddie was the air that Buck needed to breathe.
“What was that for?” Buck was confused and Eddie couldn’t blame him since he didn’t give the other any warning.
“For you just being you.” Eddie really had no other reason, well that and the fact that he loved Buck as he had never loved any other partner. “I think we have waited long enough, I think we are on the right time.”
“I agree.” Buck smiled widely, those fucking sunshine smiles that Eddie loved so much, he could bet that all the warmth he was feeling inside of him was because of the smile that Buck was offering him.
Buck pecked his lips before going back to the cheese-picking struggle.
“Babe, just take both.” Eddie found himself saying and the way that Buck lit up at the nickname made Eddie want to say it again.
“I don’t think I will get used to that.” Buck confessed like it was their secret.
“To what? To me calling you that?”
“To that, to kissing you and to being loved by you.”
“You were already loved by me before. The rest?” Eddie smirked taking the shopping cart in his hands so they could keep going without everyone staring at them. “We have a lifetime to get used to.”
Eddie wasn’t really a romantic person even with all the telenovelas he watched but with Buck? Buck had every side of him, the good and the bad. And he knew that he had all of Buck too.