Archive of Our Own ^beta

Everything had happened so fast.

In one moment Eddie had Buck right behind him and the next minute he was gone.

It was supposed to be just a normal call, it came through the dispatch as a house on fire with people trapped inside.

The team rushed to the fire engine and the ambulance, it didn’t take them long to get to the scene. It was an isolated area and the house looked like it had already been a bit torn down before the fire.

As usual, Eddie and Buck geared up and were the first ones to get inside, they knew they needed to be fast. It would be in and out. Like they had done so many times before.

The problem was that they didn’t find anyone inside the house, it was getting hotter by the second and the house could come crumbling down at any moment.

“Cap, there is no one here!” Eddie said through the radio as he shared a look with Buck.

Something was off.

“Are you sure? Dispatch said that there was a man with his daughter.” Bobby’s voice came through the radio.

“We are, Cap. I don’t think anyone was living here at all.” They needed to get out of there soon, Eddie could hear the fire easily consuming the structure of the house.

“Get out before it collapses.” Bobby hadn’t even finished his sentence and they were already moving through the burning house.

They were quick even with the heavy equipment and as soon as Eddie got the fresh air he turned around to talk with Buck. He wasn’t there. He didn’t follow him out.

“Buck!” Eddie was already turning on his feet ready to get back inside until he felt hands on his shoulders stopping him from going any further.

He tried to shake those hands off of him.

“Eddie, stop!” Bobby was the one holding him.

“We need to get him, something is wrong!” Eddie was shouting now, the other firefighters outside were hosing down the house, trying to extinguish the fire that was now coming through the door not leaving them an option to get inside. “No! Buck! He is still inside!”

“Eddie, you need to calm down.” Bobby kept trying to stop him from going anywhere and right now Eddie hated him for looking so calm.

“No. I’m not going to be you and let my family burn down.” Eddie bites back. Taking advantage that he took Bobby by surprise to push his hands away.

Eddie was already marching towards the house trying to find a possible way in. He knew that Buck would fight back. That he would find a way to get out of this.

“Eddie. Think about Christopher.”

That stopped Eddie in his tracks, making him take off his helmet so he could face his captain in the eyes.

“I am. Christopher can’t lose Buck.” Eddie couldn’t lose Buck. “If anything happens to Buck…it’s your fault, I hope that you can live with failing your family twice.”

“Eddie, I know you are angry and scared so I’m not going to take those words personally. You know Buck. We will get him, but I can’t let you be on the scene if you can’t take orders.” Eddie knew that deep down Bobby was also worried, but he felt useless right now.

“I need to help him.”

“Buck has his gear. He might not be responding to the radio but we know that he won’t give up easily. Can you follow my orders?” It was just two of them, Hen and Chim were fighting the flames. They were doing their best and trying to get to their friend, worry also splashed on their faces, if they could do this so could Eddie.

“I can, Cap.” Eddie got into full soldier mode, he knew that he needed to stay like this if he wanted to help Buck.

Once they were able to clear the flames at the entrance Eddie was the first one to step inside, making sure that Bobby was okay with it, right behind him there was Ravi. They knew that it was dangerous and that at any time everything could go wrong.

“Cap.” Eddie radioed it, his heart racing as he found both Buck’s helmet and his radio as if they had been thrown away. Buck would never do that. “Call Athena.”

“Eddie, what is going on?”

Eddie kept moving around the house as much as he could, calling for Buck at every corner. Just to make sure that what his instincts were telling him was wrong.

“Firefighter Diaz! Firefighter Panikkar!” Bobby called for them through the radio.

“Buck is gone. I can’t find him.” Eddie signalled for Ravi to follow him, they had spent enough time in that house when there was nothing for them to find.

“Cap…” Eddie was breathless when he came outside. “Something is wrong since we got here. There was no one in the house and now Buck is gone? We need to call Athena. There is something more to this.”

Before Eddie could say another word a police car was parking right next to their fire engine, Athena coming out of it with a worried expression. He looked over at Bobby but his captain looked confused.

“Eddie.” Eddie really didn’t like that tone in Bobby’s voice. “I didn’t call her.”

It was like the floor had been pulled from under Eddie. If Athena was here without being called then it wasn’t good news. 

“Bobby.” Eddie knew that look on Athena’s face, something was definitely wrong and the way she kept looking between the two of them wasn’t reassuring him. “We got a call from Buck.”

“What? Where is he?!” Eddie was the first one to react.

“We don’t know, we sent cops to the last place his phone pinged. He called the dispatch, to talk to Maddie. We think that he got kidnapped.” 

Eddie felt like someone was stepping on his chest and putting all their weight on him. Kidnapped.

“Why would someone kidnap, Buck?” Bobby asked his wife while Eddie’s head spun in circles.

“We don’t know yet. We will find him, he is alive.” Eddie felt no relief in Athena’s words.

“You said you lost his signal. We don’t know what is happening to him right now. Those calls are recorded. I want to listen to it maybe I can pick up something, who knows him better than I do?” Eddie spoke through grunted teeth, he knew that none of this was Athena’s fault but he needed to do something.

“Maddie was the one speaking with him.”

“Maybe she missed something. I need to hear it, Athena.” Eddie then looked to his captain, hopeful that this time he wouldn’t be stopped. “Bobby, please.”

Bobby gave a small nod.

“Go.” Then his captain looked over to his wife. “Tell if anything changes, we will go try to keep the scene as untouched as possible.”

The scene.

The crime scene.

Because now it was a crime that had happened right in front of them, right behind Eddie’s back and he hadn’t even noticed—he didn’t notice someone ripping away part of his world, part of his heart away.

Eddie was moving without really thinking about it, leaving his turnout and his helmet off at the fire engine before getting to Athena’s cruiser and getting into the passenger seat. It was hard to stay still.

“Have you listened to it?” Eddie felt like since Buck was gone that he was standing at the edge of a cliff, slowly falling forward. No one to grab him and save him from his fall. Buck wasn’t there to catch him.

“No. Not yet.” Eddie noticed how Athena held the steering wheel a bit more tightly. 

He knew that Athena and Buck hadn’t started with the right foot, that they had clashed. But the thing about Buck was that he could warm up his way into your heart, because Buck had the biggest heart and honestly for Eddie, it was impossible to not love him.

“You said, you sent cops to the last place the phone pinged…it means it's not giving any signal anymore.” Eddie tried his best to not think of the worst.

“We already have people on their way. We will find him.” Athena was just in the dark as he was, she was trying to reassure the both of them.

“It’s my fault.” Eddie clenched his jaw, his leg bouncing. “He was right there with me and then he was gone, Athena. Whoever took him, I didn’t even notice it.”

Right now, Eddie felt like a shitty friend and like he had just broken his promise to Buck.

“Eddie, we will find him.”

“If anything happens to him…” If anything happened to Buck, Eddie would feel like the world was falling apart and the only thing giving him strength would be Christopher.

Christopher.

He didn’t even know what to tell his son. 

That he had just let some stranger rip Buck away from them.

Eddie was out of the cruiser as soon as Athena parked it at the dispatch, he knew the way. It was still the same dispatch he had worked on but it was just renovated.

His boots sounded heavy with every step he took down the halls, Athena right behind him. It didn’t take him long to find familiar faces.

“Eddie.” Josh stood in front of him, they might have clashed before but right now his ex-coworker looked at him with sympathy.

“Are you going to try to stop me?” It came out a bit more aggressive than Eddie had expected. He also noticed now how much his heart was racing and how his breathing was erratic.

“No, but you should talk to Maddie first. She is in the break room. I will get everything ready in a more private room.” Josh looked over at Athena for confirmation.

Eddie easily found his way to the break room, Maddie had red-rimmed eyes and was still a bit shaky and right now he would give anything to have Chimney there with him to help her because Eddie had no idea what to do when he himself was freaking out.

“Maddie…”

“Eddie.” Maddie looked surprised to him, not so much Athena. After all, this was a police case, so it wasn’t the first time that Maddie went through something like this, just not with her brother involved. “No.”

Eddie was shocked, to say the least, and his confusion must have been splattered all over his face.

“I can’t let you listen to it.” Maddie started to get up, backing away to keep some distance between them, not because she was afraid but probably because this was hard for her to do as well. “Evan…wouldn’t want you to listen to it unless…”

She didn’t finish her sentence but the look they shared meant everything, neither of them could say it out loud.

Unless Buck was dead.

“I need to. I might be able to help.” Eddie tried but Maddie kept shaking her head. 

“Eddie.” Athena rested her hand on his shoulder, a hint to make him think this through.

“I was right there with him, Maddie. I couldn’t protect him. Let me hear it, we are the people who know him the best maybe I can hear something.” He knew he didn’t need Maddie’s permission but it felt wrong to go against what she was asking. As for Buck, he would apologize later when they find him.

They stood there, just staring at each other. Both of them were broken by the loss of one of the most important pieces of their life. Buck might think he is expendable but not for them, not for the team and everyone attached to them. They would all fight to get Buck back in one piece. Alive.

“He is going to hate me for this, but okay.” Maddie finally gave in and lead them toward the room that Josh had prepared.

Maddie sat at the chair, quickly going through the logs to find the one that she wanted, Eddie and Athena by each of her sides. Maddie took a deep breath before pressing play.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?” Her voice was calm like in any other calls that she got.

“Maddie…” Buck’s voice comes out rough and droopy, probably from some drug that the kidnapper gave him.

Eddie’s heart raced at hearing that voice again.

“Evan…” Her calm tone quickly shifted to a worried one as soon as she recognized his voice.

“Hi…” It almost sounded relieved. “I swear this time it wasn’t my fault.” A groan escaped Buck’s mouth.

“Are you hurt? Where are you?”

“I don’t know…I’m moving, everything is foggy.”

“I’m trying to locate you, don’t hang up.”

“Maddie…” There was a beat of silence. “I’m so proud of you, Jee is so lucky to have you as her mom. And Chimney? I know that he loves both of you so much.”

“Evan, we are going to find you, I’m already sending the cops.” Maddie sounded so desperate in contrast with Buck.

It sounded like a goodbye, Eddie tried to focus on the rest of the sounds, just trying to find something that would lead him to Buck.

“My phone is dying…Just tell Eddie.”

That was when Eddie snapped his head up to the monitors even if they wouldn’t show him what he wanted to see the most.

“Tell Eddie that I tried to come home to him and Christopher.” There was a sniff and Eddie couldn’t tell if it was from Maddie or Buck. “God, Christopher doesn’t need to lose anyone else. He already lost his mom and almost lost his dad.”

The tears were definitely from Buck, the thought of Christopher drove him to the edge.

“Evan, he is not going to lose you. Can you tell me anything about the attacker?”

“No, I didn’t see him. I’m in a van, I don’t know the color but it’s black inside.” Buck then took a deep breath. “Maddie, just in case anything happens. Tell Eddie that I love him.”

After that, the call dropped and so did Eddie’s heart. It felt like it had fallen to the ground and broken into tiny pieces. This wasn’t how he wanted to hear those words from Buck.

Eddie could feel both Athena and Maddie’s eyes on him, expecting a reaction to that reveal. Eddie did hate Buck a little bit for this, for only saying those words when he thought he might not get back.

“Eddie.” Athena started but was interrupted by her phone ring which she took quickly. Her expression said it all before she even spoke. “They found his phone.”

“But not Buck.” It was obvious the anger in Eddie’s voice. “Do we know anyone else? Can we find who called 911 and got us there?”

Eddie was already pacing around the room, they needed leads, they needed more to find Buck.

“I already have someone trying to find out who called and who was nearby at the time.” Athena sounded so sure that they had this under control when everything felt like slipping from their fingers.

“I need to do something, I can’t stay and do nothing.” Eddie knew he sounded desperate, he had been repressing his emotions for so long that now he couldn’t hold them back that easily, and right now he hated Frank for making him deal with it.

“And you are.” Athena looked in between Eddie and Maddie. “You both will go home to your babies. No discussions, as soon as I have more I will call you.”

Christopher was waiting for his father to come home. And Eddie was scared to do it.

Eddie let Athena guide him back towards the parking lot, Chimney was already there to pick up Maddie as well. And he was happy that Maddie had someone to lean on.

“I don’t know what to say to him.” Eddie broke the silence when Athena was driving them back toward the station. 

“To Christopher? The truth.”

“I don’t want to scare him.” Eddie didn’t want his kid to be as scared as he was right now.

“If there is something that I learned is that kids are stronger and braver than we think. He might surprise you”

“Knowing Christopher, he will.” Eddie did sometimes forget how brave his son was despite everything that had already been thrown at him, including a tsunami.

Athena dropped him off at the station, none of the familiar cars were parked there except for the Jeep, which Eddie had caught a ride on from Buck. He moved inside the firehouse, the other firefighters must already know what happened because they don’t say a thing to him.

It’s weird to be alone in the locker room, without any of his coworkers by his side, without his family. Without Buck.

The suspenders on his shoulders felt heavy as Eddie finally took them off, the locker door wide open as he just stood there. Usually, he would be eager to get out and go home and take a shower at home. But he needed time to think about what to say to Christopher.

He picked up his clothes and headed for the showers instead. Time passed, and Eddie didn’t know how much, but longer than he had planned. His mind went back to what happened how Buck was just right there with him and a second longer he was gone. What had he missed?

Eddie easily slipped into his civil clothes before heading back to the locker room, there was only one thing left for him to do. Get the keys for the Jeep. He knew Buck’s locker code.

Everything looked the same as when they had arrived at the station for their shift. Buck’s clothes were neatly folded inside, with all his personal belongings inside. Eddie could smell the scent that always linger on Buck’s clothes that Eddie had learned to recognize as the smell of home.

Eddie only took the keys to the Jeep. Buck would get back to pick up his things. They were going to find him.

As he sat behind the wheel, everything started to catch up to him more and more. He couldn’t run away from it anymore. His hands were shaking so Eddie grabbed the steering wheel with more strength than necessary.

It was weird, it was strange. It was unreal. There were only a few times when Eddie drove the Jeep and Buck was always next to him. A few times for physical therapy right after Buck’s leg had been crushed, those were the worst times. Buck would be grumpy and upset or even in pain. But the happiest of those times was when Christopher was with them, in the backseat trying to cheer up Buck. Buck would never snap at Chris, he would ignore his pain and all the bad thoughts in his head and push them away so he could enjoy his time with Christopher.

So, Eddie drove home to his awaiting son. 

It was time to stop being a coward.

Eddie parked the Jeep outside of the house, he knew what was about to come. 

Christopher had probably seen the truck outside, Eddie knew his son recognized the sound that the Jeep made, and had figured that Buck had picked up Eddie for work by now. It was their routine. It was their normal. Chris would expect Buck to step inside because Buck always came to check on him. Always saying hi to the boy before heading home or even staying for a little with them, that sometimes stretched for hours.

Eddie got the key into the lock and open the door, he could hear Chris playing in the living room, a low hum from the kitchen where Carla must be.

“Hi, Dad. Hi, Buck.” Christopher said without looking away from the screen, his tongue poking out from the corner of his mouth as he pressed the buttons harder.

“Chris…” Eddie must have sounded wrecked because right away his son stopped paying attention to the game to look at his dad. The realization that Buck wasn’t there was splatter all over Chris’ face. He knew that something was wrong.

“Where is Buck? Why isn’t he here?” It was a demand.

Eddie moved to sit down, at the edge of the coffee table so he would be facing Christopher on the couch. Whenever they needed to have a serious conversation they always ended up here or in the kitchen. 

“Buddy…” Eddie didn’t know where to start, he knew all the ways which would lead to breaking Chris’ heart.

“Is he…not coming back?” Christopher had tears already pooling behind his glasses.

“Hey, listen.” Eddie took his son’s face in both of his hands so that they would be facing each other, eyes on eyes. He knew that Carla was in the hallway paying attention as well. “Buck was fine last time I saw him, we are looking for him okay? Athena is already trying to find him.”

“What?” Christopher looked confused at first. “He…he’s not dead?”

“He was taken.” Eddie couldn’t say to his kid that Buck was dead, he didn’t know and he didn’t want to think about that possibility just yet.

“But he was at work. With you.” More and more Christopher looked confused.

“I know. It was during a call…I…” Eddie wanted to say that he failed but he felt like a coward when the words didn’t come out.

“Dad, we need to find him. It’s Buck!” Christopher was already trying to get out of his grasp and it reminded Eddie so much of his own reaction when he noticed that Buck was gone.

“We need to wait. Athena is looking for him, okay?”

“Athena is the best. She will bring Buck back to us.” This time it sounded more like Christopher was reassuring his father. “We will be okay, Dad. Buck will be back and we won’t ever let him go away again.”

Athena had been right all along, kids could be so brave and strong. 

Eddie took his son in his arms, holding him tight like at any moment Chris would disappear and instead of complaining his son just held him back with as much strength as he had. For the first time since it all started Eddie let a few tears slip as a buried his face into Chris’ neck.

They would have Buck back.

Eddie now had a glimpse of what Buck had to go through when he got shot. Coming home to tell a kid his dad might not make it? He owed everything to Buck for being that for Christopher then and every time that Buck took the role of Chris’ second dad with arms wide open.

“Eddie, I can stay if you want.” Carla had waited until they had pulled apart.

“No, it’s okay. Go home.” Be with your kids, be with your husband. It was all that Eddie could think.

Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.

Eddie knew that his son deep down still had that fear to lose him, and Eddie hated himself for that but he had forgotten that maybe he wasn’t the only one that Chris was afraid to lose. Buck was a major part of their lives so it was obvious that he was scared for him as well, and probably with the rest of the 118 as well.

Carla made sure to leave them food ready for dinner before saying goodbye, they usually were more enthusiastic but right now, Eddie and his son were curled up on the couch with Buck’s favorite show about nature on tv, he kind of dragged them into watching it and had become a ritual for them to watch it together.

Everything felt off, not having Buck there with them. How dinner was quiet with both Eddie and Christopher pushing food around their plates. 

While laying in bed, Eddie couldn’t stop thinking about Buck. How scared he probably was, he refused to believe that Buck was dead. So, he kept tossing and turning in his bed.

“Dad?” Chris’ voice came after Eddie heard his footsteps, most of the lights were off and it was probably already too late for Christopher to be awake.

“Hey, buddy…” Eddie sat up on the bed as his son got inside the bedroom.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” And suddenly Chris didn’t sound like he was eleven anymore. He sounded like the same seven-year-old boy that move with him to LA, that loved Buck at first sight.

“Of course. Come here.” Eddie moved so he could give his son some space.

Christopher curled into his side, using Eddie’s chest as the pillow.

“Buck is going to come home, Dad.” It wasn’t a question, Christopher sounded sure of it.

“I know…” Eddie sighed, burying his nose in Chris’ now short curls, he had become tired of letting them grow.

Eddie was happy that his kid was able to find some peace and get back to sleep, but he couldn’t. So, he just stared at the ceiling as the night went by, watching the shadows change as the moon started to disappear to let the sun shine.

Two days had passed.

Two days and there was no lead on where Buck might be.

Two days and Buck’s face was all over the news.

Two days and Eddie was going crazy, but he had a job to do.

Getting back to work had been torture, there were people out there that still need his help. He needed to do his job. Buck didn’t stop when Eddie got shot. The idiot even put himself in bigger danger than before.

So, Eddie would be strong and do it. He just hoped that Athena would have news fast, they all knew that the longer Buck was missing the fewer chances for him to be alive.

Eddie tried to keep his head on the job, he really did, but at one of the calls where he was giving medical assistance Eddie reached out for his partner. Buck always knew exactly what he needed. Eddie had even let Buck’s name slip from his mouth when he was taking too long to get what it needed.

After that everything went black and when Eddie came back to himself it was Hen standing in front of him. Chimney had taken over his patient and Eddie found himself staring wide-eyed at Hen.

A fucking panic attack.

Because Buck wasn’t there. His partner wasn’t there and Eddie didn’t know where to find him.

After that call, Bobby made sure to leave Eddie as the man standing behind which left him with too much time on his hands.

Eddie kept himself busy by cleaning the kitchen, at least until the team return from the call they had just left for.

Suddenly there was a sound of steps, not someone in a rush or in need of assistance but definitely someone that knew that station. Those steps started to approach, going up the stairs to the loft where Eddie was.

He waited.

Only to reveal a familiar redhead. Eddie’s blood started to boil even before Taylor reached the top of the stairs.

“I’m not telling you anything. Neither will the rest of the team. Get out.” Eddie moved from behind the counter to stand in front of her, stopping her from getting any further.

“Eddie…” Taylor started to speak but Eddie quickly stopped her.

“No. He was your boyfriend…” And it hurt Eddie to think that Buck had dated someone like this when he deserved the world.

“Eddie. Listen to me.” She tried again, almost pleading which caused Eddie to stop.

“Why should I?” Eddie crossed his arms over his chest like that would stop Taylor from digging for any information. He knew how relentless she could be about her job.

“Because I know how much you care about, Buck.” She was keeping her distance. She was alone. No camera.

“Smart move. Calling out to my emotions.” Eddie snorted already turning his back on her. “Not working. Leave.”

“I know who has Buck.” Taylor’s voice came out a bit trembling, maybe she did care about Buck at one point or maybe she was just scared about Eddie’s reaction.

“What?!” Eddie clenched his jaw as he faced her once more. “Taylor, if this is a way for you to get information…”

Eddie would never do anything to hurt her, or anyone that didn’t throw the first swing. But it was hard to be rational when Buck was being held in a place they couldn’t find him.

“He called me. I heard Buck in the background. He wanted to make me pay for making the cops pay attention to his brother. I got the LAFD to acknowledge this case and they arrested the guy for the kidnapping of minors and pedophilia.” Taylor stopped for a bit before continuing once she realize that Eddie wasn’t going to snap. “I promise you, I didn’t think that anyone would go after Buck.”

Eddie took two steps forward and Taylor didn’t move. They have always been like this, Eddie pushing her away from the people he loves and she wouldn’t back down. He had to give her that, her persistence and fighting for what she wanted.

“If any of this is true, you need to go to Athena and give her all the information you have.” Eddie had to put his pride aside if it meant that it would help him find Buck.

“I already did.” Taylor crossed her arms over her chest.

Eddie only got more confused with it.

“Then why are you here? I never hated you. I just never thought you were the right person for Buck, but you're telling me that this is your fault? That if anything happens to Buck it’s because of you? Yeah, I will hate you.” Eddie just knew that Taylor would do anything to get where she wanted to be.

“I know. I can handle your hate.” Taylor sighed, almost like she was putting down her bravery armor. “I did love Buck. At one point. But I know how you two idiots are.” Before Eddie could say anything to counter that. “I know that he was taken during a call. If it was then it means you were with him. You are always with him.”

“I’m his partner. I am supposed to be there.” Eddie didn’t know where she was going with this.

“I dated Buck long enough to understand something between the two of you.”

“I don’t you to tell me how my relationship with Buck works.” Eddie was already on the edge with her and everything else, he didn’t need more of this.

“Maybe you do.” Taylor sounded more understanding than condescending about this. “No matter what, if anything happens to either of you…you will always blame yourself for not being able to help the other when he is in trouble. I know that you are blaming yourself for letting Buck get kidnapped when you were right there.”

“And what? You are doing this so I am angry towards you? Why would you do that?” Eddie's chuckle came out almost as a choked cry like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was hard to believe.

“Because I’m no longer in your life. Because I did love Buck, he deserves to have the love that he gives. And you won’t be able to give him that if you can’t forgive yourself. He needs your love.”

Eddie couldn’t believe he was getting a lesson about love from fucking Taylor Kelly. 

The team decided that it was their time to get back as Eddie heard the engine arrive. 

“Eddie…” Taylor spoke to get his attention again. “I’m truly sorry that Buck is going through this because of me. But I know this family you all created here. I know that you will find him.”

She just left him standing there thinking about her words. Taylor crossed paths with the team at the stairs and Eddie was getting all these weird looks from them. Confusion and curiosity were all over their faces.

“Why was Taylor here?” Chim asks as he looks over his shoulder to make sure his sight isn’t tricking him.

“Please tell me that she didn’t come here to get info on Buck.” There was bitterness as Hen spoke.

Neither of them was a big fan of Taylor before she had started dating Buck and after they broke up, they had no reason to pretend to care or even tolerate her.

“No.” Eddie walked towards the railing of the loft, his knuckles going white as he wrapped his fingers around the edge. He could easily throw her under the bus. “She has a lead on Buck.”

“She came here nicely?” Eddie wasn’t surprised by the suspicious tone coming from Hen and when he turned to look at her, he saw her eyebrow raised.

“She knows how much we care about him.” How much Eddie cared about Buck, but that part he was going to keep to himself. “She already went to Athena.”

“So we just need to wait. I’m gonna call Maddie.” Chim told them before disappearing to a more quiet place in the loft.

“Eddie…” Bobby started but Eddie stopped him by lifting his hand. From the corner of his eye, he could also Hen looking at him.

“I will be okay once Athena finds Buck.” He didn’t bother to pretend and say he was fine. He wasn’t. He was far from being fine. “I don’t mind being the man left behind for the rest of the shift.”

Eddie didn’t wait for an answer as he made his way down the stairs and into the bunkers. It was daytime so it was empty and he could be alone without pity looks being thrown at him. He had been at the receiving end of them before when Shannon died. He knew his team was just worried for him, worried for Buck as well.

Eddie didn’t know how long he sat there with his eyes closed, he didn’t sleep, he could still hear everything happening outside that space. He heard the fast and heavy footsteps before the person was even through the door. There wasn’t a siren going off and calling them to an emergency so that should have been a sign to him.

“Eddie! Let's go! Athena found Buck!”

Eddie was back on his feet following Chimney out of the bunker room, his feet leading the way his heart wanted to follow. Back to Buck’s side.

They were taking the ambulance and the fire engine, Eddie didn’t know what to expect so he tried to focus on the road unable to keep his leg from bouncing and his hands from twitching.

It wasn’t far but Eddie knew it was a place that cops hadn’t searched before.

Eddie stepped out of the truck even before it had fully stopped. The cops were all gathered around their cars, there was clearly someone organizing how they were going to do this but Eddie couldn’t wait, he needed to get to Buck.

“Eddie.” Athena stopped him with a hand to the chest right away when she noticed that he was going to walk past them toward the house down the road. It looked abandoned.

“What are we waiting for?” Eddie knew that his team had already caught up with him.

“We are going to get him, Eddie. We just need to make sure that it’s safe for Buck and everyone else.” Athena had her hand on her waist, clearly ready to pull out her handcuffs if Eddie tried to walk past her. He wasn’t stupid enough to try that.

“I’m going with you.”

“I’m not going to let you get in danger. It’s enough that Buck is inside.”

“He is going to need a paramedic. Give me a gun, I have done this before and worse.” Eddie doubted that he could get into a cold soldier again, but he would do it if it meant helping Buck.

“You are right, he will. But we both know that you don’t want to use that gun.” And how that would turn Eddie into a liability. They weren’t going to risk him shooting whoever is holding Buck against his will. 

He watched as Athena looked to the rest of the team, her eyes stopping and Eddie was sure that she was looking at Bobby. They could read each other without speaking any words. Just like Eddie and Buck did.

“You need to stay behind me. And you have to wear a bulletproof vest.” Eddie was surprised at Athena’s words, he was ready to fight back as soon as she said no. But he didn’t need to fight.

Eddie followed her to a bigger vehicle, it belonged to an intervention team they were going to be the ones leading the rescue.

As they spoke and told Eddie what he should and shouldn’t do he quickly put the bulletproof vest on. It had been years since Eddie had to use something like this, when the first responders had to use it, he was in a hospital bed fighting for his life.

He kept it tight around his frame, it should feel heavy, it should weigh him down and make him feel like he is suffocating as he had felt so many times before in the hot desert. But right now it felt like the opposite, it felt like an armor like it was everything he needed to rescue Buck.

It didn’t take long for them to be outside the door of the abandoned house, it was surrounded. Eddie was surprised when Athena stood behind with him.

Eddie sometimes forgot that Athena had taken Buck under her wing. He knew that they had a rough start at the beginning but he had noticed how she looked at Buck, how she treated him like Buck was her kid, he was part of the deal of being married to Bobby but it was more than that. Eddie knew that she loved Buck despite what their relationship might be and he knew that Athena would go full momma bear with Buck if necessary.

“I’m surprised you aren’t the first one to get inside the house.”

“It’s safer this way and I can keep you safe too, Buck would never forgive himself if anything happened to you.” 

Eddie held the med kit tighter in his hands, he knew she was right. 

They didn’t have any more time to talk as the team finally entered the house, everything happening so fast before their eyes and it still felt to Eddie like it was in slow-motion, that they weren’t being fast enough. He needed to get to Buck.

“It’s clear. Victim is in the upstairs bedroom.” It came through Athena’s radio, making them both move as if their lives depended on it.

“Buck.” The name split from Eddie’s mouth as he took two steps at the same time, trying to get as fast as possible, it was easy to find the room since there were two armed guys outside of the door.

They didn’t even flinch when he ran past them.

Eddie did flinch when he got inside the room, he froze for one second at the sight. 

Buck was handcuffed to the bedframe, a blindfold in his eyes and a gag in his mouth. He was still wearing his turnout pants and his undershirt but the bruises on his arms were visible. Along with some other in his face.

As soon as Eddie got closer and touched Buck’s neck to feel his pulse, the other man tried to pull away making a wounded sound even though there was no bruise on the skin that Eddie had just touched.

“Relax, I got you.” Eddie removed the gag, noticing a lot less resistance and then he finally took away the blindfold, revealing those beautiful blue eyes that he loved so much staring at him in confusion and disbelief. “I got you.”

Eddie cradled the other’s face in his hands. Keeping his touch as gentle as possible. For the past 57 hours, Buck didn’t have his touch or any kind of reassuring touch, only pain.

“Eddie…” Buck’s voice was hoarse, and Eddie could see that it was painful for him to speak, probably from the lack of water.

They were so lost on each other that they both were started when they heard Athena talking to her radio asking Bobby to get something to cut off the handcuffs.

“Athena…” Buck looked over at her as he gripped the metal chains attached to the handcuffs, there was guilt on his face.

“It’s okay, baby.” She came closer to him, her voice gentle as if she was talking to one of her kids. “We are going to take you home.”

As they waited for someone to come over to help Eddie started to assess any damage that Buck might have suffered besides the obvious ones. There was blood above Buck’s eyebrow staining his birthmark and dry blood on his chin probably from his busted lip.

Eddie kept moving his hands along Buck’s body and he winced along with Buck when he touched his ribs on the right side of his body.

Chimney walked through the door and stopped at the sight, it didn’t last as he moved to cut off the handcuffs from Buck’s wrist with a bolt cutter.

“I never thought this would be the scenario that I would have to get you free from handcuffs, Buckaroo.” Chim tried to joke, but they all knew just how worried he had been as well.

“No…? How had you thought it would be?” It was Buck’s way of begging for a distraction.

“I thought it would be in on your sexual escapades.”

Eddie snorted and Buck tried to make a sound similar to a chuckle but it came out full of pain instead. He helped Buck lower his arms that have been locked above his head and noticed a problem right away.

“Cap, I need a backboard.” It was the first time Eddie talked to his radio, he quickly shared a look with Chim before they both looked at Buck’s shoulder.

“Eddie, I can walk.” Buck complained as he tried to move on the bed.

Eddie had to dig his knee into the mattress to hold Buck still.

“You probably have a few broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder.” Eddie knew that he had to be honest with Buck, their relationship had grown in honesty. “Let us help you, please.”

His begging must have taken Buck by surprise because he instantly stopped fighting and settle down back on the bed.

Eddie knew that Buck probably just wanted to get out of the house but they couldn’t risk doing any more damage. He held Buck’s hands while they waited.

They were able to get Buck on the backboard easily.

Eddie could hear their Captain thanking his wife before the four of them held to the handles of the backboard. Eddie and Bobby staying at the handles near Buck’s head.

Buck held to Eddie’s wrist like it was his lifeline, it was so tight that it would probably leave a bruise there but it was something that Eddie was going to wear with pride, it would take any pain if that meant that he was sure that Buck was alive.

They got Buck on the gurney before getting inside the ambulance. Bobby didn’t even try to keep Eddie away, he just gave him a simple nod meaning I will see you at the hospital .

Chim drove the ambulance as Hen stayed with them in the back of it, making sure that Buck was getting everything he needed. An IV line was already stuck to the back of his hand, the one that Eddie kept holding. 

“Thank you, guys.” Buck mumbled before letting his eyes fall shut.

Eddie would have freaked out if it wasn’t for the heart monitor telling him that Buck’s heartbeat was steady. Eddie let himself reach out, his fingers ghosting over Buck’s hairline before he gave in and let them hold on to the dark blond hair that was sticky from the blood.

“He will be fine, Eddie. He has probably been fighting to stay awake since he was gone.” Hen outreach and rested her hand on Eddie’s arm to give it a squeeze. “He is safe, he is with his family.”

“I know.” Eddie didn’t know if it had been loud enough for Hen to hear but she pulled her hand away.

Eddie quickly reached with his free hand to stop any tears from falling, but still, one escaped and it felt like it was burning on the way down his cheek.

They were safe.

Upon arriving at the hospital it had been hard for Eddie to let go. He knew Buck was okay despite his injuries but he still remembered how Buck had flinched at an unknown touch.

For the few hours Buck was put through exams, they all stood together in the waiting room, Maddie quickly joining them there. Chimney had called her as soon as they got to the hospital.

“Evan Buckley’s family?” A doctor waited for an answer.

They all got up, even if Maddie was the only one that was blood-related to Buck.

“How is he?” Maddie asked. Chimney was right beside her.

“He will be okay, he has a few broken ribs and had dislocated shoulder. He will be going home soon.” 

Eddie felt not only his relief but everyone else. Buck had been through worse but it was always scary to be in the unknown. 

“You can see him, but only two at a time.” The doctor warned them before leaving.

Maddie and Chim were the first ones to go, as Eddie watched them leave his sight he started to walk backward.

“Eddie?” Hen looked confused at him. 

“I need to go.” He found himself saying, his words being faster than his brain.

“Where? I thought that you wanted to go next.” She tried to close the distance between them but he lifted his hands to stop her.

“I need to go home. I need to tell Christopher.” If anyone was as worried as them, it was his son. “I will come back later.”

“Let me take you. I need to drop the ambulance back at the station.” Hen suggested and Eddie was about to refuse but he really needed his truck.

They headed back to the ambulance and Eddie hesitated for a bit if Hen noticed she didn’t say a thing. It was a quiet drive, they were both exhausted but relieved at the same time. 

They all were.

Buck was finally with them.

“Let me get out before you park.” Eddie asked, getting a concerned look from Hen, so he tried to reason. “My truck is right outside. I need to see Christopher.”

“Are you going in your uniform? I’m pretty sure that you still have blood in your hands, Eddie.”

Eddie knew that she was right, it would only scare Christopher more. Eddie also noticed how Hen had avoided saying that it was Buck’s blood.

She parked the ambulance and as soon as they got out of it, Eddie could feel all the eyes on them. This was what he was trying to avoid, the staring and pity looks mixed along with curiosity, he had been getting all of those for the past two days.

Eddie kept his head low as he headed for the locker rooms, he made a quick stop in the bathroom to wash away the blood on his hands.

Buck’s blood.

It had been mostly dry already when it got smeared into his skin, as he started to clean away his hands started to shake. It was Buck’s blood. It was irrational to be scared now that they got a clearance from the doctor but Eddie had almost lost him.

Had almost lost his best friend.

Had almost lost the love of his life.

There wasn’t much he remembered about the shooting but he did remember Buck putting pressure on his wound.

How Buck must have had to wash away Eddie’s blood after.

“Come on, Eddie.” He whispered under his breath as he gripped the edge of the cold porcelain of the skin, his knuckles going just as white as the material.

There was no more blood in his hands but as he looked at the mirror in front of him he didn’t see his face but Buck’s face, splattered by his blood.

“We are okay…we got out. We are safe.”

Eddie started to take deep breaths, counting in between each one, and slowly started to calm himself. His vision starting to come back to focus. He would have to thank Frank later for that.

Once Eddie was able to calm down he headed for the locker rooms quickly changing into his civil clothes. Hen was still changing as well. He was about to leave when he stopped at the door to look at her.

“Are you going back to the hospital?”

“Yeah, I already called Karen to warn her.”

“If Buck wakes up when I’m not there tell him that I’m with Christopher.”

“Of course, but I think that he will figure that out right away.”

Eddie nodded, they always had Christopher as their priority.

“Yeah, you are right. I will show up as soon as I can.”

He didn’t wait for an answer as he left the station towards his truck.

Eddie couldn’t decide which radio station to pick on his drive to Tia Pepa’s house where Christopher was staying, not until one of Buck’s favorite songs came up, it was an upbeat one. Eddie didn’t know who sang it or what the name of the song was but he could almost see and hear Buck at his side humming along with it, on those cheerful days when they would share a ride home.

Soon they would be back at it.

Eddie parked the truck outside of the familiar house, it was the closest to Texas that he would get while being in LA. Without any family around when he moved and it had been impossible for Eddie to stay there. If he hadn’t met Buck and the 118 it would be harder too.

He got inside the house with Tia Pepa already in the entranceway to greet him, she had probably heard him arrive.

“You’re here early. Have you found Buck?” Tia Pepa and Abuela had taken Buck under their wing so easily once they had realized how important he was for Christopher and Eddie.

“We have, he is a bit bruised and in the hospital but he is safe, he will be okay.” Before Eddie knew it there were arms being wrapped around his shoulders making him lean down so his aunt could hug him.

“That is so good, cariño!” She pulled away and Eddie could see a frown forming on her forehead. “But why do you look like someone just died?”

“I’m just tired, I promise.” Eddie kissed her cheek before getting free from her embrace. “I’m taking Christopher to the hospital to see him.”

“Edmundo…” One word was enough to make him stop in his tracks. “You know that no matter what your family will always love you. We just want you happy.”

Eddie felt a weight being lifted off his shoulder, he didn’t even know he was carrying it. His family has always been supportive with the exception of his parents, who always had something to put a flaw on but even they were working to be better at that.

Tia Pepa was probably the person that know best his family with the 118 and especially with Buck, he knew exactly what she meant by that. Maybe one day he would be brave enough to do something about it now that he knew how Buck felt.

He knocked on the bedroom door where Christopher usually stayed in and he didn’t wait for an answer. He knew that Christopher wouldn’t mind it as soon as found out why Eddie was knocking.

“Dad?” Christopher frowned pulling off his headphones to give his full attention to his father. “You are early…”

There was a mix of feeling going through the boy’s eyes, from fear to hope to a blank expression. He was trying to be brave about whatever news Eddie had and he hated himself that his son was putting everything into himself to hide his emotions right now.

Eddie moved, making the chair that Christopher was sitting on, move so that they would be facing each other when he crouched down. Eddie’s hands were on Chris’ legs as an offering for the boy to take them and hold on to.

“It’s okay to be scared, buddy. But you don’t have to right now, we found Buck. He is a bit hurt but nothing too serious.” He tried to keep his tone even and calm but end up failing when he saw how Christopher’s eyes got big and with a glint of happiness. “I came to pick you up so you can go see him.”

Soon his arms were full of his kid. Christopher had jumped so fast into his arms that didn’t give Eddie much time to reach and he almost fell to the floor.

“Come on, let’s go!” Christopher said as he pulled away, gathering his things quickly into his backpack which Eddie took from his hands.

“I’m sure Buck will be happy to see you.” Eddie held the shoulder strap of the bag as Christopher led the way, his crutches hitting hard and fast against the floor.

He barely said his goodbye to Tia Pepa and if it was any situation she would be pulling him back. 

Eddie kissed her cheek one last time and promise to give her more news about Buck. 

Meanwhile, Christopher waited impatiently next to the truck, Eddie expected him to start stumping his foot at any moment if Eddie took any longer. He unlocked the truck and helped his son get inside.

“Do you know how long Buck has to stay at the hospital?”

Eddie had just gotten inside of the truck when the question came.

“Not yet.”

“If he stays there we will need something to keep him entertained, maybe I can let him have my switch while he is there.” 

Eddie couldn’t stop himself from smiling at that, he gave a quick glance over the mirror and it was amazing how Christopher could barely sit still with just the thought of seeing Buck again.

“We will ask him about that.”

“Dad?”

“Yeah?” Eddie frowned at the change of tone, Christopher was way more quiet.

“Will Buck come home with us when he leaves the hospital?”

It was something that Eddie wished he could do. Just take Buck to their house instead of letting him go to an empty impersonal loft, but that was out of his hands.

“Maybe Buck will want some quiet time.”

“But he always likes to stay with us!” Eddie couldn’t fight on that, Buck did seem to enjoy his time with them.

“We will ask him if he wants to stay with us, okay?” It was the best promise that Eddie could make right now.

“Okay!”

After that Christopher kept babbling the whole way to the hospital about things that they could do and get for Buck while he couldn’t go back to work. 

It feels wrong to know the hospital the way he does or even how well Christopher knows it by now. No kid should have been there so many times to see people that he cares about but Christopher didn’t seem to be fazed by it at all.

It was easy to find Hen in the waiting room, he easily guided Christopher in the direction of Buck’s room but stop at the entrance.

“Go, I will be there in a bit.”

He got a confused look from Christopher but the boy didn’t say anything and just went inside, not long after Athena came out.

He could already hear Buck warm hi to Christopher, and Eddie could almost see them hug even with Buck’s injuries.

“Don’t you want to go inside?” He understood why his friends would be asking it usually he would be ready to be the first one in.

“Christopher and Bobby need it more. I have time.” The truth was that he was still a bit scared of how Buck would react to his presence, even if earlier his best friend didn’t seem to want to let go.

Eddie and Athena join Hen on those uncomfortable plastic chairs. They had been there so many times that they should have something more comfortable for them.

After a while, Eddie lifted his head when he heard Christopher’s crutches coming in his direction.

“Buck is asleep again. But I asked him if he is going to stay with us. He is!” Christopher grinned, even if Buck had told him that Eddie would still make sure that the other was okay with it.

“Hey, boys.” Hen came close to them. “I already saw Buck too, so why don’t Christopher comes with me? He can have a sleepover with Denny.” Hen looked at Eddie, she was giving him a way out so he could be with Buck without having to worry about Christopher but she was also taking away his excuse to avoid Buck.

“Can I, Dad? Maybe me and Denny can find a few things to cheer up Buck!”

“If you are sure.” Eddie nodded before looking over at Hen. “Thank you.”

“I will be one call away, take as long as you need.” Hen squeezed his shoulder. “Maddie and Chim went home too.”

Eddie watched as Hen and Christopher left the waiting room, there was no more reason for him to just be sitting there and not seeing Buck so he grasped that thin string of courage he had and got up.

The room was covered mostly in dark, only a small light above Buck’s bed gave them any visibility. Bobby didn’t move as he kept his eyes on Buck.

Eddie took the chair on the other side of Buck, he rested his hand on top of the sheets, close to Buck’s hand but not there yet.

“He asked for you.” Bobby broke the silence, his eyes now shifting to Eddie.

“Christopher needed me.” Eddie kept his voice low.

“He said the same.” Bobby offered him a comforting smile.

They were quiet for a while before Eddie was able to finally use his words.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For everything I said to you when Buck went missing. I shouldn’t have said any of that, I didn’t mean it…I…” Eddie loved their Captain, Bobby had always treated him well and he had been feeling guilty ever since those words came out of his mouth.

“You were scared…I get it, Eddie. I have seen it before.” Bobby assured him which only left Eddie confused because he had never acted like that before.

“Buck, he wanted to go down and rescue him when you were stuck in the well.” Bobby continued. He had seen so much of all of them already, they were all a family and they would always get emotionally involved if any of them got hurt but Eddie and Buck seemed to have the same reaction when it came to each other.

“You were scared too, I know how much you care about Buck.” That seemed to have caught Bobby off guard. “How you see him as your son. And he sees you as his father.”

“I would be proud to be his father.” Bobby admitted, maybe because it was just the two of them and Buck was asleep on the bed.

They let themselves fall back into silence, only Buck’s vitals making any sound. 

Eddie took Buck’s hand in his own, it was surprisingly warm and grounding. He would allow himself to have this for now.

Both of them turned their heads when they heard high heels coming closer.

There was a familiar redhead figure entering the room.

“Get out!” Eddie whisper-shouted as he saw Taylor enter the room.

He got up from his spot and was about to move closer to Taylor and make her leave but there was a grasp on Eddie’s hands stopping him from going anywhere.

“It’s okay.” Buck’s voice came out hoarse and tired. 

Eddie wouldn’t be surprised if Buck’s throat was hurt from the screaming and lack of water over the past two days.

Eddie felt his blood boiling at the sight of her, she had done too much damage already and he was ready to make her leave, but instead, he sat back down, staying by Buck’s side.

His baby blue eyes looked more greenish than blue. Buck was clearly still tired from everything that had been done to his body.

“I just came to apologize.” Taylor finally spoke, she might look cold to anyone else but Eddie had been around her long enough to notice some cracks in her shell.

Bobby kept a neutral expression but Eddie knew how protective he was of Buck, despite trying to stay neutral with Buck’s romantic partners.

“I’m sorry he went after you. I never thought that a story I chased would ever chase other people. I was ready for them to come after me but I forgot that I had people in my life too. I’m really sorry, Buck. And I came to say that I’m leaving LA, I’m gonna move and make sure no one else besides me will get hurt with my chase for the truth.”

“You are not going to give up on getting the stories you want to tell will you?” Buck might look tired but his smile was honest.

“No, I won’t Buckley. I just hope I don’t have to do stories with anyone from the 118 for a while.” Taylor and Buck always kind of had an understanding of how they viewed things and maybe they could have been better off as friends than lovers. Still, Eddie doubt he would ever like her.

“Goodbye Captain Nash. Eddie.” She said before leaving the room and Eddie couldn’t help but roll his eyes at it.

“Eddie…” The way Buck said his name was such a big contrast with Taylor. It was a lot softer and gentle, in a way that only Buck knew how to say it and keep Eddie hooked.

“I will give you boys some privacy. I will come back tomorrow to see you.” Bobby got up to leave the two of them alone.

Eddie didn’t want privacy, not for now. Not when he didn’t know how to apologize to Buck. So he avoided looking into his best friend’s eyes.

There was no more blood on Buck’s face, his cut over the eyebrow was now stitched and his cut lip seemed to be starting to heal. There were a few bruises on Buck’s face but nothing a few days wouldn’t heal, the worst was underneath the hospital gown, which was hiding the probably big black and purples bruises over his ribs and Buck was already using a sling to keep his arm immobilized.

“I’m okay.” Buck squeezed his fingers around Eddie’s hand.

“I know…but you almost weren’t.” Eddie let some of his worries slip into his tone.

“We have been through worse.” It was true. But it was hard to forget that for two days Eddie knew nothing about Buck.

“I can’t believe you dated her.”

Buck snorted but winced in pain right away which made Eddie finally face him.

“Hi…” Buck looked so damn young like this and not like he had just been through hell.

“Hi…” Eddie found himself replying back and breathing got easier, he hadn’t even noticed that he had been struggling.

“Thank you, for bringing Christopher over to see me.”

“It wasn’t really a choice. If I hadn’t done it, he would have found a way no matter what. We both know he could.” Eddie grinned widely at the thought, more and more Christopher was gaining Buck’s best traits.

After that, it was easy to fall back into conversation like they always did, even if at the back of his mind Eddie still felt like he should apologize. Time flew by and a nurse had to basically kick him out.

Buck did end up agreeing to stay with them, at least until he felt better and could move his arm freely. It had been a few days since Buck’s release from the hospital so inevitably Eddie had to go back to work.

It was his first shift since they had found Buck, things had been quiet even at home. Buck was the same with Christopher, but something had changed towards Eddie. He could feel it.

Eddie knew that his best friend would get bored easily when alone, so he was surprised when all through his shift he didn’t get a single text from Buck, even if just some random facts like he usually did when reading about something when going down a rabbit hole during one of his deep searches.

There was only one text from Buck, it was a picture of Christopher holding out his math test with an A+ in red at the corner. Eddie was proud of his son, he really was because neither he nor Buck were that good at math, so Carla must have helped Christopher study for it, the point was—one text in a 24h shift.

There never had been this long without interacting except with the whole lawsuit situation.

Upon arriving home after his shift, Eddie set his bag down and took off his shoes. The house was quiet, he knew that Christopher was at home and maybe Buck was getting some rest.

He walked along the house finding the bedrooms empty, the same going for the kitchen. There was only one more place to check before Eddie could start freaking out about Buck not being there.

Eddie opened the sliding door from the living room and finally found him. 

Buck sat on the wooden bench, his head resting against the side of the house as he took in the warm sun. It was a beautiful sight if not for the sling that Buck was wearing.

Eddie knocked on the side of the house to let himself know before taking the rest of the space on the bench.

“Hey…” There was so much that Eddie wanted to ask, but if Buck hadn’t said anything then he wasn’t ready to speak about what was keeping them at distance even when under the same roof.

“Hey.” Buck blinked a few times at the sun before looking over at Eddie, there was something in those beautiful blue eyes that Eddie couldn’t pinpoint.

They stood there in silence for a while, their knees knocking on each other, making them sure that the other was right there. The birds were the only thing making any kind of sound.

Eddie was tired, he should be resting after his shift but he would hate to go to sleep without knowing what was going on.

“Why did you do it?” Buck asked, no longer looking at Eddie but staring ahead. One of his eyes closed shut due to the sun hitting his face.

“What do you mean?” It could be so many things that Eddie felt lost.

“My rescue. It took me a few days to remember it…I don’t know if it was the pain or something else, but those memories were foggy. I now remember you, you were the first one and you were wearing a bulletproof vest…” Buck looked over at him before continuing to speak. “Eddie, you could have gotten shot again.”

“Buck…is that why you have been quiet?” 

“Eddie…” Buck was begging him for an answer.

“I only got inside after the team gave it a clear and even then Athena was with me.” Eddie tried to reassure the other.

“He could have been hiding, Eddie. They only got a hold of him after we were at the hospital, what if he came after you?” There was desperation in Buck’s voice and Eddie now understood.

Buck got up a bit too quick, enough to make him wince at the pull on his ribs and Eddie had to stop himself from going after his best friend, Buck was setting the distance between them and he needed to respect that.

“Athena made sure I was safe, she knew if I had gotten hurt you wouldn’t forgive yourself.”

“She was right. You would still do it even if it wasn’t safe.” It wasn’t a question, still, Eddie replied to him.

“I would. I will.”

“Did you even think about Christopher?” It was a low blow and Eddie knew that Buck didn’t mean it like that.

“I did, that was exactly what I thought about.” This time it was Eddie’s turn to get up but he didn’t move closer to Buck. 

“Eddie…”

“Do you need me to call you Evan again?” Eddie sighed, hating how it turned out a lot more aggressive than he mean to. “We have had this talk before, Buck. Your name is on my will.”

“And I’d take Christopher in a heartbeat, but that doesn’t mean you can risk your life to save me…” Buck looked young, as he had looked when Eddie had first told him about the will. 

“It does.” Eddie simply answered.

“How?” There was some frustration showing off on Buck’s face.

“I know we haven’t talked about it since I was shot. You asked me why and I never really gave you an answer.” This time Eddie took a step forward noticing that Buck didn’t move back.

“You told me that you knew that I would fight for Christopher, and that is true, I always will and I know how you want him to be raised.” 

Eddie just smiled for a few seconds, licking his lips as he dared to speak.

“It’s more than just that. I did it because I know how much the two of you love each other, and how you see Christopher as I do. Like he is your own.” At the last words, he could see a bit of fear in Buck’s eyes like he had been caught doing something wrong. “Do you really think that Christopher wouldn’t be as scared for you as he is for me? How he would mourn you the same way he would mourn me if anything fatal happens to one of us? I had to do it.” He had heard those words from Buck’s mouth before and he hoped that Buck would understand them just like Eddie had before. “I couldn’t let anything happen to you, not just for myself but also for Christopher’s sake. As you said, he already lost Shannon, he can’t lose you or me too. I know we can never promise that it won’t happen but we can try the best we can to come home and if I have a shot to save you I will do it and I know you will do the same for me.”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that call.” Now, Buck looked even more scared than before.

“I know and I’m sorry I did it but I needed to make sure that they weren’t missing anything that could help us find you.” Eddie was truly sorry and he did feel guilty about it.

All sorts of emotions passed through Buck’s face, from fear to the realization that yeah he was loved by everyone that went to save him and by Christopher. That everyone in his life that stayed with him loved him.

“You know.” Eddie could easily pretend he didn’t know what Buck was talking about, but he was tired of running from his feelings and he was definitely tired of being out of time.

“I think that I have known it for a while now.” Eddie confessed, he started to pay more attention to Buck’s actions towards him since the shooting.

“And you don’t hate me.” Buck’s voice was small as he looked down at the ground as a kid does when he does something wrong.

“Buck.” Eddie called to get his attention and he was successful. “I could never hate you. Also, I never dared to hope that what I was catching on to was more than just friendship. Not until I heard you say it. I never thought I would hear it in that situation…”

Eddie smiled at Buck’s confused look as he seemed to be going over everything that Eddie had just said, so Eddie reached out to rest his hand on Buck’s hip and it seemed to all click for the other.

“I’m sorry.” Buck seemed a bit more relieved not that they got a few things out of the way.

“For what?”

“For that being the first time you hear me saying it. For not saying it sooner. For not saying it when we are face to face.”

Eddie’s grin only got bigger at each other, he had never been that good with words so he would show Buck instead. Eddie brought them closer as he pulled Buck by his hip being careful with his still-healing shoulder—and brought their mouths together. It was tempting at first, something gentle and innocent as if they were meeting for the first time.

It didn’t last long but it was enough to make Buck try to follow his lips when Eddie pulled away.

“You better find better ways to say it.” Eddie teased.

“I will say it every day if I have to.” Buck’s smile was bright and big, it was warming Eddie more than the sun could ever do. “I will say it until I make sure that you have forgotten how you first heard it. I will say it over and over again after that. I love you, Eddie.”

Eddie knew that Buck was always better with words and at expressing his feeling when he wanted to so Eddie did what he could to show his own feelings as he kissed Buck.

“I love you too.” Eddie would show him every day how much Buck was loved by him.

Either with small little things or big gestures, Eddie would make sure that Buck knew like they had been showing each other for the past few years.

Shouldn’t love be when you are at your worst and they are at their worst and have every reason to give up but still decide to want to try again?