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The gym at Kitagawa Daiichi Middle School was Kageyama Tobio’s sensory heaven. The colour of the flooring, the skidding sound of sneakers, the smell of air freshener. Every inch of that gym offered a feeling of comfort. So when something felt wrong, Kageyama noticed right away.
Afternoon practice had barely started. A team from a nearby middle school was bussing in for a practice match in an hour, and Kageyama was eager to get warmed up when it happened. He started walking towards the centre of the gym where his teammates were forming a circle. It was all in his head. It had to be.
But every step felt worse than the last, and Kageyama had no choice but to turn around and head for the bathroom. He ran, despite how much the sticky feeling on his thighs made him grimace. He just needed to get to a toilet, finish his business, and he’d be back to practice in no time. He’d barely be gone a minute.
In hindsight, he should have realized that this wasn’t going to be a normal trip to the bathroom. But, somehow, his logic got lost in the excitement about the upcoming game, and he didn’t realize what was happening until he dropped his shorts and saw the stains.
Red. Everything was red.
At first, when he saw the blood, Kageyama was certain he was dying. There wasn’t any other reason for him to bleed so much so suddenly, right? But then he remembered something Miwa talked about every once in a while, and his eyes went wide in panic.
“No!” he said to himself. He grabbed a fistful of toilet paper and wadded it up in his underwear. It was saturated in an instant. “No, no, no!” He frantically yanked at the toilet paper, the roll rattling as it spun.
Kageyama had been on puberty blockers for a while now. The doctor said there was a small chance he would still get a period, but he hadn’t been too worried about it. Everything with his transition was going so well. He’d just assumed he’d be lucky in this respect, too.
He hadn’t even bothered coming out to many people at his new middle school. Certainly none of his teammates knew. He passed as a boy, everyone treated him like one, and he didn’t feel the need to tell them. There were a few teachers that were aware, but they’d probably long since gone home. Not that Kageyama could even go looking for help in his position.
With a small mountain of toilet paper growing on the bathroom floor around him, Kageyama could feel the first few tears form in his eyes. This was a nightmare. The worst situation of his young life. If he didn’t get out of here soon, he’d miss practice. His coaches might even think he’s too unreliable to play in the match.
He was trying to figure out how he’d explain himself, when suddenly the bathroom door creaked open. He let out a meek, surprised yelp. And, when he heard the voice from outside the stall, his heart lurched. Things just got so much worse.
“Tobio-chan?”
Oikawa. Of all people, Oikawa had found him. Kageyama clapped his hands over his mouth, and held his breath. If he didn’t answer, maybe Oikawa would assume he was just hearing things and move on.
No such luck. His upperclassman walked right up to the locked stall and knocked on the door. “Tobio-chan? Is that you?” There was a mocking tone to his voice that made Kageyama want to shrink away from the door. “What’s taking you so long? Practice’s already started, you know. You have diarrhea or something?”
“No!” Kageyama answered without thinking. “Er—I mean…!”
On the other side of the door, Oikawa snorted back a laugh. “Whatever, just hurry up. We have to get ready for the match soon, and Coach thinks you need to be there. For some reason. It’s not like you’ll actually be playing, since I’m here.”
Listening to his upperclassman’s taunts, Kageyama bit his lower lip and buried his face in his hands. He couldn’t cry. Not now. He at least had to wait until Oikawa was gone.
It’s not that Oikawa’s teasing bothered him that much. After all, Oikawa’s confidence was totally justified. Oikawa having humility wouldn’t help Kageyama surpass him.
What did scare him was the thought of his role model finding him at his most vulnerable.
There was another knock on the stall door. It was almost hesitant this time. “Tobio-chan, what’s going on?” The playful tone was strained, like Oikawa was forcing himself not to sound worried. When he continued, though, he sounded a bit more amused, having noticed something unusual peeking out from under the stall door. “What’s with all the toilet paper? Did you shit your pants, or—?”
“Just go away!”
Kageyama instantly regretted shouting. He was still holding his hands over his face as though that would keep Oikawa from hearing him cry, even though the tears had long since started falling.
Oikawa, on the other hand, was perfectly quiet. For a moment Kageyama let himself hope that the older boy had left, and he just hadn’t heard the door close behind him. No such luck.
“Are you okay?” Oikawa asked. His voice was equal parts concerned and confused.
Kageyama wiped his nose on his sleeve and sniffled. “I’m fine,” he lied. “It’s just a little blood, I’ll be right out.”
“ Blood ?”
Well if that wasn’t the dumbest thing he could’ve said. He didn’t have to mention the blood. He could have said anything else, and now he’d gone and worried Oikawa. Kageyama’s mouth fell open as he tried to think of a way to explain himself, but Oikawa spoke first.
“Tobio-chan, are you hurt? You should’ve said something! I’m going to tell the coach, just hold on.”
“No, don’t!” Kageyama panicked. “I’m not hurt! I’m fine, I’m just…”
“Bleeding?” Oikawa interrupted. “If you’re not hurt, why are you bleeding? Did you get a period or something?”
Based on the small laugh at the end, Oikawa had probably intended that to be a joke. Something to lighten the mood. But Kageyama felt devastated. He didn’t know how to respond. Everything in this bathroom was too much. The smell of blood, the sticky feeling on his thighs, the teasing sound of Oikawa’s voice. It was too much.
He propped his elbows on his knees, still holding his head in his hands and cried.
Oikawa didn’t say anything, but Kageyama didn’t hear him leave. Not wanting to get his hopes up like last time, Kageyama spoke through the sobs. “Please go away. You should get ready for the match, Oikawa-san. I’ll just… go home for today.”
After a moment of deafening silence, the door creaked open and closed at last. If Oikawa said anything before he left, Kageyama didn’t notice. He let out the slightest sigh of relief that was lost in the heaving sobs as he cried harder. He didn’t want to go home. Saying it out loud felt terrible, but he was beginning to realize it was his only option.
He reluctantly started thinking about how he was going to leave school without anyone noticing. If he tied his jacket around his waist, he might be able to get to the clubroom and change into his uniform. But then his uniform would just get stained, too…
His spiraling thoughts were so loud that Kageyama didn’t notice that someone else had entered the bathroom until the other person spoke.
“Kageyama? You still here?”
It was Iwaizumi.
Kageyama’s breath hitched. Iwaizumi was easier to talk to than Oikawa, but that didn’t mean that he was any more comfortable being caught in such a vulnerable place.
Iwaizumi walked over to the stall. Kageyama saw his sneakers under the stall door before Iwaizumi turned around and crouched to sit on the floor, back against the door. There was something in Iwaizumi’s hand, but he moved it to his lap, out of sight, once he was seated properly.
He didn’t talk right away. Still, for some reason just knowing he was sitting out there made Kageyama’s breath steady just a bit. After Kageyama’s sobs softened, Iwaizumi spoke. “I heard Oikawa made a shitty joke,” he said. “If it makes you feel any better, I punched him for you.”
Kageyama wasn’t sure how that was supposed to make him feel better, but he let out a grateful hum anyway.
Iwaizumi continued. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, and you don’t have to say it if you don't want to. But if you need this,” Iwaizumi held a small yellow plastic package under the stall door, “you should take it.”
Kageyama blinked, pausing in surprise before hesitantly reaching down for the pad. He held it tight with both hands, crinkling the plastic between his fingers. He wanted to say thank you, but the words got stuck in his throat. He hung his head, trying to find his voice again, and was reminded of the stain on his shorts.
“I, um…” he said, barely above a whisper. “My shorts…”
Before he even finished, Iwaizumi’s hand slipped under the door again, holding a change of shorts and underwear. “Don’t ask me how he did it,” Iwaizumi said once Kageyama took the clothes. “Don’t know what kind of weirdo can just find spare underwear on short notice. But I guess it’s not the weirdest thing he’s done.”
Kageyama carefully peeled the pad away from the package. He glanced curiously at what he could see of Iwaizumi’s back. “You mean Oikawa-san?” he asked. Iwaizumi grunted in confirmation. Kageyama’s face fell. “Does he… Does Oikawa-san think I’m…?”
“Oikawa thinks a lot of shit about a lot of people. He’s an asshole like that,” Iwaizumi said. “But, he’s not cruel. He won’t make fun of you over this. Between you and me, I actually think he feels bad for the joke earlier.” Iwaizumi barked out a laugh. “Serves him right."
Iwaizumi stayed seated on the bathroom floor until he heard the squeak of Kageyama’s shoes on the tiles. He slid one last thing under the door, a plastic bag, then got to his feet. When Kageyama finally unlocked the stall, he opened it slowly and avoided Iwaizumi’s eyes.
“Do you want to come back to practice? Or do you want to take a break first?” Iwaizumi hadn’t even finished the second half of his question when Kageyama shook his head furiously. This caused Iwaizumi to laugh and ruffle Kageyama’s hair affectionately. “Yeah, I shoulda seen that coming,” he said before heading for the door. “Let’s go. You still need to warm up before you can join drills.”
“Um! Iwaizumi-san!” Kageyama called after him. He hadn’t moved from the spot in front of the stall, feet feeling like they were made of lead.
Iwaizumi paused and looked back. “Yeah? What’s up?"
“I… Um… Do you…” Kageyama’s eyes were darting around the bathroom, doing his best to avoid looking at Iwaizumi. His shoulders slumped as he decided he didn’t want to have this conversation yet. “...nevermind…” he mumbled, barely audible. His eyes finally settled on the tile under his feet, and he stared at it until Iwaizumi’s sneakers came into view.
“Sure,” he said, patting Kageyama’s shoulder. “But lemme know if you ever wanna talk about it, okay?”
Kageyama gave a shallow nod. He finally followed Iwaizumi out of the bathroom and down the hall towards the gym. Before Iwaizumi opened the door, Kageyama reached out and tugged at his sleeve. Iwaizumi glanced back. “Hm?” he asked.
“Thank you, Iwaizumi-san,” Kageyama said in the smallest voice.
Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, a little confused. He still smiled and said, “No problem.” The confusion on his face got a little more obvious, though, when Kageyama didn’t let go after that. The younger boy shifted on his feet, before finally finding the resolve to look up at Iwaizumi.
“Can you tell Oikawa-san I say thank you, too?”
As soon as the door to Seijoh’s gym closed behind him, Kageyama started racing for the bathroom. Karasuno had just won their first practice match, and Kageyama wanted to be there for the review with his teammates. But there was a sudden soreness in his abdomen during the last rally, and Kageyama was not taking any chances.
He’d been on testosterone for two years, and everything was going great. The only catch was, even though he’d almost entirely stopped getting a period, he’d still get some spotting from time to time. Nothing too significant, but enough that he learned to recognize the signs long before the bleeding started.
That was also why he kept a single emergency tampon in the bottom of his gym bag, so he could deal with situations like this one as quickly as possible. Throwing open the bathroom door, though, he realized he left his bag in the gym.
With a loud, disgruntled groan, Kageyama spun around and started running back down the hall. He barely took three steps before he ran right into someone going the opposite direction. “Ow! Hey, watch where you’re—Ah, O-oikawa-san!”
Seeing who he’d bumped into, Kageyama staggered back a few extra steps. Oikawa huffed and stuck up his nose. “Shouldn’t I tell you to watch where you’re going, Tobio-chan?”
Kageyama gulped. It was obvious Oikawa was in a pretty bad mood about the match. Kageyama gave an apologetic (albeit sloppy) bow and excused himself.
To his surprise, Oikawa side stepped into his path again. Kageyama tried to weave around him, but his hip still clipped Oikawa’s arm. “Honestly, though, Tobio-chan. You never run out after a match like that unless something weird’s going on.”
It was an unusually pointed statement.
Kageyama had already run a few steps down the hall when he realized there was something in his pocket. He slowed his pace as he slid out the white plastic package. A tampon.
He looked back over his shoulder at Oikawa, who in turn looked away just before Kageyama would have caught him staring.
“That’s what you’re running around for, right?” Oikawa asked. His voice was a little uncertain, like he wasn’t sure if he did the right thing.
“Yeah,” Kageyama responded. He dropped the tampon back in his pocket and walked back to the bathroom.
Oikawa made a point of not looking at him as he passed, but Kageyama paused right in front of him, and said, “Oikawa-san?”
Oikawa finally looked at him again. “What?” he asked.
“Thank you.”