Chapter Text
“Oh god, Kurt, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, I’m—“ Karofsky’s voice broke, and he seemed to crumble apart before Kurt’s very eyes.
The bigger boy took a stumbling step backwards. His legs hit one of the low benches that lined the locker room, and he sat down hard. As Kurt watched, Karofsky’s wide shoulders seemed to cave in, and he bowed down to place his head in his hands as he kept muttering apologies.
Kurt could hear him, but the words didn’t seem to mean much. Perhaps it was because the other boy was mumbling under his breath. Perhaps it was the shock.
Perhaps it was both.
“Y-you kissed me,” Kurt whispered. Without thinking about it, his fingers came up and pressed against his lips.
They felt warm. Warmer than they’d ever felt before.
A boy had kissed him.
“I know, Kurt, and you have to believe I’m so sorry, I didn’t—I didn’t mean—”
“Well, at least you draw the line at sexual assault,” Kurt murmured weakly.
Then, he sat down beside Karofsky and let out a crazed laugh.
Once he could breathe a little more evenly, he asked, “Why did you kiss me?”
“Fuck!” Karofsky—or, maybe, he was David like this; David was the one stringing together incoherent apologies, David was the one whose face was wet with tears that reddened his eyes, David was the one who looked like he was going to crumble apart—and he kept repeating the cuss word.
Alarmingly, the bigger boy slammed his closed fist down on his thigh once, twice, and a third time before Kurt managed to wrap his own shaking fingers around David’s clenched hand.
“Don't do that,” Kurt admonished quietly, wondering what the hell he was doing.
That had to be the shock, right? Comforting David Karofsky after the bigger boy had kissed him was nothing more than shock.
But David’s hands were rough and his knuckles were split open. The skin was red and sore-looking, and Kurt gently ran his thumb across the knobs of bone. When he heard the other boy inhale sharply, Kurt looked up.
His eyes were still red. Despite the lack of fresh tears, the tracks down his blotchy cheeks were still wet. Kurt considered wiping the dampness away, but already felt like he was losing his mind considering he was holding hands with one of his worst, most relentless bullies.
Now, though, David didn’t look like a bully. He just looked miserable.
And kinda pathetic in a way that made Kurt feel safe sitting next to him.
“I’ve never wanted to hurt you,” David whispered, and there was something about the way his voice shook that made it easy to believe he was telling the truth.
“Then why did you?” he asked, just as quietly. He didn’t let go of David’s hand. Rather, he pulled the appendage closer and wrapped his other hand around it before he began toying with David’s fingers.
It gave him something to do, and it helped to ease the erratic beating in his chest.
David laughed, but it didn’t sound very funny.
“Why didn’t I?” David muttered, sounding angry. Still, he didn’t pull his hand away from Kurt’s hold, and out of the corner of his eye, Kurt saw him take a deep breath. “I…”
Kurt didn’t say anything right away. This was absolutely not what he had been expecting when he took Blaine’s advice—which, he could see now, had been terrible advice—but sitting in the locker room as he had a heart-to-heart with David Karofsky after the other boy kissed him was better than being beaten to death, so.
Small mercies?
After enough silence had passed that Kurt felt overly aware of the beating of his own heart, he asked, “Is it… are you gay?”
David’s hand tensed even tighter, but then he straightened his fingers. Kurt let him, and he let out a noise of surprise when David curled his fingers back and interlaced them with Kurt’s.
Well. He was having all sorts of firsts taken by David Karofsky today.
“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” David said quietly. It hurt, because David sounded miserable, his voice choked and the words thick and heavy. There was something else there, too, something that sounded like guilt. “I tried not to fuckin’ notice it. I tried so hard, but you’re always just there with your frilly fuckin’ outfits and your high ass cheeks and your ass, god fuckin’ dammit Kurt.”
“You like my ass?” Kurt wondered aloud, and then flushed when David let out a warm, pleasing chuckle.
“Yeah, Fancy, I like your ass,” David told him. That sounded honest, too, and Kurt couldn’t imagine someone like David Karofsky lying about something like this. “I-I like you. And I fuckin’ hate it.”
“I’m sorry,” Kurt whispered, unsure of what else to say.
David turned to him immediately, a deep frown etched across his face and his eyes dark and serious. “No. Absolutely not. There is nothing that you need to apologize for, got it?”
Kurt nodded, but he wasn’t quite sure exactly what to say. Instead, he squeezed David’s hand and looked down at their joined fingers.
“My shit is my shit.”
Kurt nodded at that as he took a deep breath, and he wondered how things had changed so fast. They were just… they were just talking. David was being nice, in his own way. He was definitely being complimentary, and tormentor or not, hearing a boy tell him he had a nice ass was… well, Kurt didn’t not like how it made him feel.
But Kurt couldn’t stop thinking about how badly things could have turned out, and winced at being foolish enough to take Blaine’s advice. Courage was all well and good in silvered halls, but Kurt could have been killed.
Taking another deep breath, he tried to find something to say. After a moment, there was one question that kept playing through his mind.
“Can I ask why it bothers you so much?” Kurt asked him quietly. When David made a curious noise, he added, “That you, uhm… that you l-like me?”
David snorted. It still didn’t hold any humour. “I’ve grown up with my mom dragging me to a church that talks about how sinners like us are gonna burn in hell. I’ve known since the very first fuckin’ time I looked at you and felt my heart flutter that she’d fuckin’ hate me. And then I just started hatin’ myself.”
Taking that in, Kurt figured sympathy could only be so well received by a boy like David, and he went with humour instead. “Well… don’t you think burning in hell sounds like more fun? I mean, if we’re all down there, it’s probably a party.”
This time, David’s laugh was full and warm. Kurt snuck a glance out of the corner of his eye, and the way David had his head thrown back with a small, genuine smile twisting at his lips made him look unbearably handsome.
Trying not to let himself blush too deeply, Kurt squeezed his hand and said, “You started developing facial hair in the eighth grade.”
“What?” David asked, turning to look at him with confusion.
“You matured faster than the other boys. I remember that you used to grow a layer of stubble right here,” Kurt brushed a finger across the edge of David’s jaw, and smiled slightly as the other boy shivered. “You got taller, too. The only one taller than you was Finn, but he was so skinny. You… you looked like the older boys before anyone else. It was… uhm, it was something I noticed, and then couldn’t stop noticing.”
“Wait… Fancy are you saying you think I’m hot?” David asked him incredulously, sounding absolutely shocked.
“I had a crush on you during the entire eighth grade, and most of last year,” Kurt admitted. He could feel the telltale heat in his cheeks that meant that he was blushing, but he tried not to think about it.
David had been so honest with him… Kurt could give some of that back. He had to.
David seemed to need a minute to absorb the new information that Kurt was presenting, because he went silent as he worked his jaw. It was even more defined than it had been before, but it was currently shaven clean. Kurt could see the barest hints of stubble with how close they were sitting, and he wondered how long it would take for David to grow more of a shadow, or even a solid dusting of stubble.
Perhaps he would even be able to grow a full beard.
Oh Gaga, that was not what he needed to think about.
He was pulled out his musings when David cleared his throat and asked him, “Is it… was it only those years?”
“Well, it was pretty hard to think about how much I liked your arms and your chest and your thighs when you were shoving me into lockers,” Kurt said sharply. It was sharper than he meant, and he let out a heavy breath when David winced.
He wasn’t supposed to be making the other boy feel worse.
“Yeah that—that was pretty fucked up, huh?” David asked quietly. He tried to pull his hand away, but Kurt kept his hold tight and angled himself to face David better.
This was about honesty, he’d decided.
“Yes, David. It was pretty fucked up. But… I-I can understand it,” Kurt admitted.
“Really?” David whispered, sounding surprised.
“My closet was made of glass,” he said, with a wry smile. “I never got to hide behind its transparent doors. People have been telling me I was gay before I ever knew it myself, and it sure as hell didn’t change a thing when I pretended to be straight.” Taking another deep breath, Kurt met David’s eyes, and admitted, “If I could have, I would have hidden it, too.”
“But I did more than just hide it, Kurt! I hurt you!”
“Are you trying to talk me out of forgiving you?” Kurt asked as he narrowed his eyes. “David, that’s ridiculous.”
David huffed. “Well, excuse me for caring about you! I’ve been bullying you for months, Kurt! You shouldn’t even want to look at me.”
Slowly, and with his breath held behind his teeth as his heart raced in his ears, he slowly looked David up and down. “I think I rather like looking at you, and I’m not inclined to stop.”
“Fancy,” David murmured, but by the way he dropped his eyes and his cheeks turned pink as a small, sweet smile crossed his lips, Kurt could tell he was happy about the compliment.
Something warm swelled in his chest that Kurt had never felt before. He knew, so very well, that if he had said that to any other guy he knew, they would have freaked out. Hell, Finn had called him a stalker, and Kurt hadn’t been half as bad with his crush on Finn as Rachel had been! But David wouldn’t accuse him of being predatory, not when he felt the same.
And there was something heady in that. Knowing that there was a boy that he could like. A boy that he had liked, before said boy had started tormenting him. And even more than Kurt having a safe home for his affections, said boy liked him back.
It was everything that he’d ever wanted. Everything that he’d ever freaking dreamed of, lying awake at night as he tried to keep the tears at bay. For so long he’d been stuck around happy breeder couples that were able to hold hands and kiss whenever they damn well pleased, and Kurt—Kurt couldn’t even like a boy without being made to feel like he was some kind of disgusting creep.
But none of that was there with David, because David liked him back.
“That’s right,” Kurt admitted. “However, we should probably spend some time being friends before you take me out on a date.”
David blinked three times very quickly. His mouth dropped open, and Kurt stared a little at the way the tip of his tongue rested against his bottom lip. After all, he was a teenage boy, and David was very handsome.
“What? Fancy, what are you—”
“Come over to my house. My dad should be home around five, so we can talk to him together after we get to know each other a little better.”
David started to bristle, but Kurt ran his thumb over David’s knuckles, and he settled immediately. Huh. That was… interesting. Still, David sounded angry as he asked, “Why the hell do I gotta talk to your dad?”
Kurt gave him a bland look. “David, you’ve been dealing with your feelings about me through harassment and physical assault. While I think you’re cute and possibly very sweet under all of that self-directed loathing, that’s probably something we should bring an adult into. I’m not sure if he’ll be able to help, but… he might be able to help more than I can.”
David seemed to spend a few minutes processing that. Kurt didn’t blame him. This sure as hell wasn’t what he expected when he followed David into the locker room, but… he couldn't think of doing anything else. He knew how hard it could be to accept liking boys, and his closet really had been made of glass. He couldn’t even imagine what it might have been like for David, growing up in an environment that sounded so very toxic, looking and acting the very epitome of Lima masculinity, all while feeling something so impossible.
Kurt didn’t know what he would have done in David’s shoes. He was fully aware of what he had done to gain his dad’s approval, though, and he’d also known, at least a little, that he would have it.
So, he was willing to… not brush things off, not really, but he was willing to give David a chance to be more than a bully.
Someone had to.
“So, let me get this straight. Even though I’ve been bullying you relentlessly for weeks and basically kiss-raped you, you’re inviting me to your house so we can get to know each other, ‘cause we gotta be friends before we start dating, and then you want me to meet your dad who’s scary as fuck?”
“My dad isn’t scary,” Kurt said immediately, frowning when David gave him a wide-eyed look.
“Uh, Kurt, yes he is!” David protested.
Before either of them could say anything else, David’s cell phone started to ring.
David’s eyes went wide, and Kurt could see the panic behind them. They listened to the ringtone play out, and only when it was done did David relax.
“It was just Az,” David murmured. “Probably wondering where I am.”
“Give me your phone,” Kurt said quickly, hoping to keep David from any negative thoughts.
“What?”
“I’m going to put my address in so you know where to go. I’ll also put in my number, but you kinda broke my phone,” Kurt told him. “You’re going to have to pay for that, by the way. I just got a new one after the hockey team threw my bag down the stairs in the science hall.”
“They did what?” David growled, his eyebrows pulling down and his mouth set into a firm, angry line. He drew his shoulders back, and Kurt was struck with the realization that David was angry for him.
And his dumb, teenage heart loved it.
His dumb, teenage hormones were partial to it, too.
“Now’s not the time. Look, I already don’t like being here any later than I need to be. Do you want to come over?”
“Kurt… I want anything you’re willing to offer me,” David told him seriously. His eyes were shining with honesty, and Kurt felt his cheeks tint pink at the sincerity in his gaze.
Well then.
His heart just could not catch a break.
“Good. Give me your phone, I’ll put in my information, and then you can meet me there.”
David nodded. He didn’t take his hand away from Kurt’s, which was more than okay with him. Still, he handed his phone over, but he cleared his throat before Kurt took it. When he met David’s gaze, his eyes seemed to glow with how intensely he was looking at Kurt, and having all that attention on him felt heady.
“Thank you, Fancy,” David whispered, and it sounded like a promise.
Kurt could only hope he meant it.