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Boris couldn't leave Amsterdam with Theo. As much as he wanted too, he had something to do there that would only get him in trouble if he didn't. So the two exchanged numbers.
"I come back to you this time. Promise. Just have something to take care of, okay?" Theo had been a bit surprised, after all this time they still couldn't be together? It hurt more than it should've. Maybe it was because of all this time spent away that it shouldn't have hurt anymore, but it did. Theo had to go back, even if he was no longer marrying Kitsey, he had to tell her. And boy was she going to be mad that he not only missed their wedding succeeding in calling it off, but now they weren't even going to redo it. She didn't love him anyways and he realized who his heart really belonged to.
After the promise they went to sleep, Boris holding him just like they did when they were kids. Theo had an early flight to catch, Boris planned on seeing him off so they both needed rest. For a moment he allowed himself to think everything was okay. That they were kids again and nothing was wrong apart from their home life, which even that had been fixed with the company of each other. It seemed while Boris started problems, he had always had a talent for fixing them. Even if it was with weed.
Reunited just to part. At least this time it wouldn't be permanent. And that helped Theo sleep that night.
He was woken up to kisses on his cheek and the soft murmuring of Russian which he still slightly remembered. The alarm hadn't woken him up apparently because Boris was completely dressed, which meant he'd long since woken up.
"You'll be late моя глупая любовь" it was said with all too much kindness for the subtle jab that was thrown in there. Theo rolled his eyes and one hand blindly searched for his glasses beside him. Now that he was awake Boris was shuffling around on the other end of the bed, he just looked like a pale figure with a bunch of black draped around, while some things changed as they grew, Boris' sense of style was not one of them. It was comforting in a way.
"Chop, chop Potter! I know I'm just dat amazing you want to spend time with me but you must unfortunately go. Have wife to break heart." He chuckled a bit with the last few words and Theo sat up throwing a pillow at him.
"Fuck off" was all his sleepy mind could come up with. He left behind a soll giggling Boris as he went to get ready for the plane ride. There was a hollow feeling in his chest from everything that's recently happened, mainly from having to leave his childhood friend (crush) again. But it was okay, they could call and text and everything would be perfectly fine because in no time Boris would be back to him.
"So you're like, what- a gangster now?" Theo asked while he buttoned up his shirt. Speed dressing as it make it on time. Boris scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"Not gangster" he dismissed with a wave of his hand but didn't further elaborate as to what he was then. Because it certainly wasn't a legal job. He couldn't help but be concerned about what Boris got himself into but it seemed to be working out for him. Boris always had a chaotic way of living, maybe whatever this was suited him. He was still alive afterall, so he had to be some good at it. Theo gave him a skeptical look.
Gyuri took them to the airport, his driving wasn't exactly safe. Theo had to wonder how Boris wasn't dead from a car crash or the driver arrested yet but he wasn't complaining. He didn't need his Boris being caught by law.
"Well..bye I guess. It was nice seeing you again Boris, and maybe this time don't take God knows how long years?" Theo laughed at the end but it was more forced, he didn't feel an ounce of joy about leaving again. But he didn't want their last memory together being steal a stolen painting back, attempt suicide, and then a sad goodbye. There needed to be some joy. And while Theo wasn't good at giving it, it was a good thing Boris was.
They kissed, their lips connected and Boris pulled his face closer to deepen it. It was much more intimate then their first/last goodbye kiss. Which was far more short and inexperienced. It was funny, they were probably more high now then they were then. Which only showed how much they actually loved each other, that no drugs or alcohol was needed. Too bad it couldn't last longer.
"I have to go, Boris," he whispered when they pulled away. Catching his breath, he could see the other doing the same. A sad smile on his face.
"I know, now go on. We'll definitely meet again, yes?"
"Yeah.." Boris shoved him out of the car playfully. Shouting goodbyes in both English, and Russian (a bit of Polish too). It probably caused a scene for the busy onlookers. Seeing some random guy who looked like he was a criminal shouting loving goodbyes to another grown adult, half out the window.
Theo could only laugh while walking away, sometimes turning back to occasionally wave goodbye too. Embarrassed by the few passersby who actually paid attention and was looking between them both.
When he got inside it suddenly felt too quiet. Despite the bustle of busy and irritated people, everything lacked that accent from the person he loved most. The hollow feeling was back, but he was still smiling to himself. Especially when his phone buzzed, it was a kissy emoji from obviously Boris.
Gyuri suppressed his smile at seeing the two kiss in the backseat, but he did allow himself to express his amusement when Boris started shouting stuff from the rolled down window. He shipped them, they were actually made for each other. The driver couldn't wait till the job was over and he'd be driving Boris back to the airport where he'd be off to reunite with Potter. Actually, he'd probably see it, because Lord knows Boris is rarely ever sober to drive so he'd probably end up coming along either way.
He saw the lopsided grin Boris gave himself when Theo was officially out of sight. An almost painful look of longing in his eyes, but it was made up with him quickly pulling out his phone to determine what to send. Even if it hadn't even been a minute since they got out of one anothers sight.
Gyuri drove off while the two texted for a bit. Theo's plane was on time unfortunately so he had to get off his phone for a bit as everything got settled. It also had to be said that Boris would need to turn off his phone for a few days to prevent trackers. Which he made sure to tell Theo when that'd be.
The ride back to New York was long and lonely with Boris, luckily he had someone just as antisocial next to him who didn't seem half interested in talking. He had to calm his nerves in ways that didn't mean cocaine. He was on a plane which didn't leave him with many other coping options. He leant his head back and took deep breaths, trying to focus on the music playing from his headphones. It was okay, everything was fine.
Boris didn't mean for a year to pass. He really thought after that one task was done then he could go to New York, find Theo, make out a bit and then who knows. But no. Nothing worked how he expected it too. One after another things happened that involved Boris, which meant he had to get directly involved to fix things. Even if it wasn't his mistake. Being a criminal was hard. He didn't mean to but he accidentally ranted to Gyuri a lot about Theo. But he paid him anyways and overtime they really just became friends. Because who could meet Boris and not leave as friends?
"Finally. I hope Potter hasn't forgotten about me. I've texted him a few times but he didn't reply…" Boris worried as they drove back to the same airport.
"His phone could've broke? Maybe he didn't memorize your number and couldn't get it back" Gyuri tried to reason, voice having a similar accent as Boris'. He hummed in acknowledgement, what were the chances of that actually happening? Pretty high…right? He thought so and while that for the most part calmed him, he calmed the rest of the way by smoking. Not snorting. He very rarely did drugs now! He still was a pretty heavy drinker, kind of hard to break out of that. But he stopped doing hardcore acid and when he did do something like that it was for occasions.
A part of him hoped Theo would be proud. Decker was quite a hypocrite, he used to not approve of when they got to the bus and Boris was high out of his mind, expertly pretending to be sober. Adult Theo seemed just as an addict though, so Boris wasn't actually sure anymore. Still the male was sure to be proud of him.
"Do you think he still works at antiques?" Boris asked, he remembered when they were in the bar Theo told him about where he spent his time. Someone named Hobie had taken care of him and taught him well. Even providing him a job. Very kind man this Hobie guy seemed to be, and if Theo trusted him then Boris was sure he would too.
"Probably, he said he practically lived there, no? He might be there working. Is only two in afternoon" Gyuri said, already driving to that area. Except he waited in the car as Boris went inside the small looking store.
It smelt a bit like hardwood and a fragrance of sorts. Boris couldn't tell what the perfume-like smell was, probably an air freshener which meant either citric or fluorescent. The store was set up in a delicate manner, pieces of antique furniture on display. Everything looked too old fashion for Boris' taste but oddly enough it seemed like just the type of place Theo would work. Silly little nerd. At least he wasn't an accountant, kind of looked like one..
"How can I help you?" Someone that must've been Hobie asked. (He had a feeling because Theo said that it was only he and Hobie who worked there. But now there was an orange haired girl, definitely not Hobie. This man must've).
"Came to see Theo, is he here today?" Boris asked politely and all too happy. Hobie froze, a realization of something hitting him. Not that it was any of his business. The girl nearby momentarily stopped too, looking a bit uncomfortable and confused before leaving the room. The store was empty anyways which now left just the two guys.
"By any chance are you Boris?" Hobie wasn't sure how to break this to him. A Russian accented boy with dark curls..please don't be the Boris Theo used to talk about…he didn't think he could say this after all this time. The man in question's smile faltered. He was avoiding the question? Why?
"Yes, why?"
"Theo…when he was coming back from Amsterdam he- his plane…it crashed. There weren't any survivors," Hobie explained solemnly, fearful to even make eye contact. Boris' smile completely went away, his blood running cold and every joint in his body felt locked. Nononono they just reunited a year ago, he couldn't be gone- no, no, he was there he was okay.. "We had a funeral for him last year. He's said a lot.of good things about you. He loved you very much-" no "I was going to invite you but I didn't know how to get in contact with you. I'm sorry.." No! Hobie gently went to touch him but Boris didn't want damn sympathy, he wanted Theo! He moved back, trying to be as respective about it as possible but he was just told… nonono
Boris abruptly left the store, practically running but not back to the car. He wasn't sure where until his feet brought him back to the Russian bar Theo told him about when they were kids and the one they reconnected at. He ordered plenty of shots of vodka. Chugging one after another with little reaction time between. This brought the attention of another regular there who he's talked to a few times.
"Everything alright?" The girl made herself comfortable in the seat across from him. She sounded too sober for someone who had been there longer. "You don't usually order so many so early," she mused. Boris was tempted not to answer, he didn't really want to get into the mix of feelings he was suffering from. But at the same time the depressed part of him babbled,
"Just found out someone I loved and meant to see died year ago.." he mumbled, regretting the words from his mouth. He didn't want to admit such a horrible thing. His Theo couldn't be dead. It wasn't- he wasn't supposed to go so soon. He was still young, and they were supposed to meet again. Boris' chest hurt and there was an uncomfortable lump in his throat that even the alcohol didn't fix. The nameless girl (he used to know her name.) seemed understanding, a small smile on her sloppy lipsticked lips.
"I might have something that'll fix it. Or help at least. исцеление требует времени и это сука, but," she rummaged in her bag, moving to sit a comfortable distance beside him so she could easily slip a bag into his hand. "Try some later. это заставит все уйти. И удачи в выздоровлении, Борис. Потерять кого-то тяжело. You know where to find me if you ever need more" she patted his head and left. Handing money to the bartender before leaving.
Boris looked at the bag she'd given him. It wasn't something he's taken before but hey he wasn't picky, especially not now. When all he wanted to do was numb everything.
He didn't leave the bar until almost three when Gyuri managed to finally find where he went. He was worried and went to confront him but Boris was too far gone. He paid and managed to get Boris safely into the car, he'd just rent them a hotel room for now. The Russian spoke with Hobie after he lost sight of Boris, asking him what happened and explaining how he was his diver/friend. He knew why Boris was doing this but it still was a sad sight to see.
Boris texted something to someone on his phone. The alcohol making whatever he was typing misspelled but would it really matter? No, because the person he was currently texting was dead. And therefore would never see it. But his drunken state didn't remember that. And confessed his undying love to nothing.
It didn't take long for the warm feeling of love to turn cold. Because now Boris was crying, leaning against the window as he clenched the cloth around his waist. Sobbing silently.
Was Theo watching this from above? Watching his best friend (crush..) fall apart from the news of his death. Had he been watching him ever since he died? Who knew how any of the afterlife worked, maybe all that poeticness elders like the ramble about was just bullshit. Maybe when you die it is simply empty. You just aren't able to think or feel anymore. Unknown to you (the corpse) that all you see is darkness. And now Theo could be trapped there. Dead to senses just like every other dead person.
((AN- Dead! Just played- I'm crying- sorry))
Theo didn't deserve to be in that painless pain. He didn't deserve to be stuck somewhere empty and feeling-less. He deserved to be somewhere happy, aka in his fucking arms! Not six feet fucking under!
He didn't know when he got into a hotel room but he was alone, Gyuri got one down the hall from him which was the only one on this floor available that was also close. He didn't know when he laid down but now he came back to earth. Still drunk but aware. He fiddled for the foggy colored bag, he didn't know how to use it so he tried every way he knew. He rolled some into a joint and smoked it while attempting other ways. All of them seemed to work just fine but the smoking and snorting really hit the hardest. Before he knew it, he was a bit less than halfway done with the decent sized bag. And his head was feeling thousands times lighter.
His eyes felt raw from the earlier tears but now he didn't even remember why he was crying in the first place. It was funny, wasn't it? To feel sad and don't know why? There was a knock on his door, he didn't feel like moving from where he was half laying on his back on the bed, his legs were on the ground still. Not wanting to actually lay down. He told the person to come in.
Theo laughed when seeing how shit faced Boris was. This got Boris to sit up. (Which wasn't easy despite the accessible position.)
"I leave you for a year and you do…what even was that? Whatever it was, I need it. Looks like it works huh?" Theo's voice was easy, amused. Sitting beside him on the bed.
"..I- I actually just got it..not sure either" Boris started hesitantly. Why was he hesitant? It was just Theo. "I stopped doing drugs for a while" he blurted for some reason. Theo's brow raised, a small grin.
"Really? You had such a good streak going, what made you ruin it by doing this?" He gestured to the bag of drugs. And wasn't that a good question. Boris didn't know if he wanted the answer. Luckily Theo didn't stay long on it.
"Missed me?" Boris felt stupid tears in his eyes as he nodded. Pulling Theo into a hug. He felt so Theo-like against him, Boris couldn't help but grip tighter. He missed this feeling more than anything. They were each other's lifeline. What was one supposed to do without the other? They could've thrive apart. Two parts of a whole, isn't that the expression? Stupid Americans with their stupid expressions, Boris just wanted to focus on Theo. He didn't realize he was crying again.
Silly Boris.
"There were once two little kittens." Theo started. It was a lullaby, 'ah-ah-ah two little kittens' Boris didn't have many memories from his alcoholic mother. But one was this. The lullaby she used the song slurred to him. He's sung it to Theo in the past when the boy was having nightmares and Theo thought it sounded beautiful. He asked to learn the English translation as Boris originally sang it in Polish. Honestly, Boris didn't think he'd ever hear Theo sing it.
"Ah-ah-ah, two little kittens,
They were both grayish-brown." Boris couldn't tell if he was crying harder or not now but the tears didn't stop.
"Oh, sleep, my darling, If you'd like a star from the sky I'll give you one." Boris tried to calm down as Theo's arms wrapped around him and the other one slipped into his hair. Rocking them both slightly. In a comforting gesture that Boris only ever done to someone else, never had done to himself.
"All children, even the bad ones, Are already asleep, Only you are not." It wasn't a very fitting lullaby but it had much sentimental value. Both from his mother and times with Theo that were like this but only the roles were reversed.
"Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, There were once two little kittens." By the time Boris recovered from his episode he was in bed. The same position he was from before Theo entered. He didn't just wake up. He felt like he'd been awake this whole time. But then, where was Theo? And why didn't he remember him leaving or laying down? Boris didn't bother moving. He didn't actually move at all that night. Staying in that exact same position. He didn't eat or drink. Just smoked the experimental joint and regular cigars that were in arms reach.
"Theo…" it came out garbled and desperate but got no response.
This time he actually fell asleep. A dreamless one.
He woke with a start. Nothing prompted it but nothing had to. He sometimes just woke up anxiety filled. It was those days he came to the bus stop drunk. He stumbled out of bed, managing to get the cork off the bottle before downing it in gulps. He didn't even let himself think about the news Hobie gave him, or the sweet voice of Theo's from last night. He didn't think of anything but feeling better. The stabbing pain in his chest and the breathless breathing needed to be fixed before he could even acknowledge his hangover. He sat on the floor for a bit. The alcohol surely taking its damn time to kick in.
He never imagined himself being a mourning drunk. Relying on bottles upon bottles of alcohol to never actually heal but only ever temporarily suppress. Younger him would've been disappointed to find out he turned out like his father in some senses. But did younger him lose the person he loved the most? No, no he didn't.
"Theo?" His voice was hoarse, he needed to see if Theo came back last night. He managed to get to his feet and clumsily looked at what few spaces there could've been. "Theo, why aren't you here.." because he was dead. His mind supplied. Oh..right.. but-
It felt so real. The touches, the voice, the warmth- his mind couldn't have made it up. Maybe Hobie just didn't like people and thought it was funny to be a jerk? You never know who you could trust afterall. And Theo was so sweet that anyone would've been protective over him after meeting him. And maybe Theo was currently getting food? Or..or at work, or…
He was snorting some of the unnamed drugs. Only a bit, just a short row. Before he fixed himself up to leave. Not like he had much to do without Theo there. The whole trip had been planned to meet his lover and stay with him until something came up. He went out telling his driver that he wouldn't need him. They were in a pretty local area so he had no problem walking, besides he didn't know where he was trying to go anyways.
As he walked Theo turned the corner, face lighting up just like old times when they saw each other. Boris smiled too, so he wasn't crazy. Theo was actually here. His plan would still work out afterall. Now that they were reunited, hopefully this time would be permanent.
"Potter! I was worried, where'd you go?" Theo brushed him off, not wanting to spend anymore time talking about pointless things like where he'd gone. "Is doesn't matter, you're right. Let's get celebration drink?"
"Isn't it still early?" Boris checked his watch. He woke up late, it was almost one. So not early at all.
"Just a few shots" Boris tried and Theo groaned but relented. They went to the same bar, Boris knew a lot of people there, it made Theo wonder how long he'd been going. Boris did say that he still travels a lot, even if he wasn't with his father anymore. It was for his work. So he's been to New York plenty of times, and the alcoholic in him never seemed to have left.
"Должен ли я ожидать вас рано с этого момента?" The bartender joked, he knew practically everyone there, Boris being no different. This got a chuckle from him too.
"Возможно. я возьму обычный" he said back. Taking a seat in the back of the bar, Theo followed, watching the interaction between the two. Boris and Theo did a lot of talking, but mainly it was on Boris' part. He did have a tendency of carrying most of the conversation. But it was always welcomed because Theo liked listening to him. Soon the conversation was interrupted by someone sitting, Theo sliding to the window seat to make room for the girl from yesterday.
Anya, her name was. Right.
"It helped? You seem more like yourself" Boris didn't really want to talk to anyone else but he had a reputation of being nice. He couldn't just not follow through with it because he wanted to catch up with his friend.
"Oh, yeah, it- it was interesting. But nice.. thanks" Anya smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. She knew it helped the sorrow but didn't make everything better. Meaning the man in front of her was still hurting.
"You're always on your own, you should find someone to bring. Maybe that'll help, spending time with someone" She offered. But it was stupid of her because did she not see Theo? Did she not literally see him talking to the man? Did she think he was talking to himself? No, that couldn't be. She would've said something. Anya spoke her mind, so then..
Theo wasn't there anymore, he realized.
She decided to leave then too. Overstaying her unwanted stay in the first place.
Where did- he was there a moment ago..but now no more there. He was. Where? There wasn't a leave from the window seat he didn't even see him get up there was no way for him to just leave like that he couldn't have fucking vanished so then where the hell was he-
Boris was on the fucking edge of a panic attack.
Hastily he got up and paid for the four shots he ordered. He numbly went back to the hotel, not paying much mind to the street lights signaling but miraculously not getting even close to being hit by a vehicle. Not that he'd actually mind at this point.
When he was in his room his mind was still uncoordinated and working out why Theo wasn't there again. Why was he always leaving him? They were supposed to stay together, Boris promised they were going to meet again and they were supposed to. He was here!
He was dead.
Boris snorted.
"Boris? Boris! Shit, sorry why the fuck did you leave like that? I was worried," Theo…why was he always leaving..
((AN: I love you like an alcoholic- bawling))
"T-heo.." he sobbed, shoulders heaving with each struggle of a breath. Theo was quick to hold him again. Ushering soft things under his breath before finally ending with
"Ah-ah-ah, two little kittens,They were both grayish-brown." Continuing where he left off, the next was the second verse. Boris would've been proud of Theo for remembering if he didn't currently feel like his life was falling apart and he was suffocating.
Theo let go of him as he moved to snort more. He just gently rubbed the back of his head while Boris inhaled more. He couldn't exactly chastise him. Because he does the same thing all the time. (Because he's dead).
"Oh, sleep, because, The moon is yawning and he will soon fall asleep." Everything was feeling a bit lighter. He didn't notice how much of the drugs he was using.
"And when the morning comes" Theo's voice was gentle as he recited from memory. Boris made a few lines for his love too. They used to share all their drugs together, many of their best moments came from it. Which may have sounded a bit sad to any normal person but Theo and Boris were not normal. Not one bit. They were far too broken. (And dead).
Theo snorted his, and as Boris did his own he continued the verses.
"He will be really ashamed"
How common is an overdose when you already have a high level of alcohol in your system? Boris wasn't sure. But the bag was empty. And the lines were gone. And Theo had never really been there, so then where did his lines go?
"ze on zasnąl, a nie ty."
At least now..Boris and Theo would be reunited. This time it was set in stone that it'd be forever. No more leaving one another.