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luna is on twitter when she sees it, and she's on twitter because she's looking to see if anyone liked the funny tweet she's kind of proud of, but they haven’t. there aren’t any notifications actually, not even from brian, who likes to remind her he exists by liking and unliking that weird selfie she posted with the bad lighting, where harlan was somewhere behind her, trying not to turn into a wolf.
it doesn’t really matter if there are new notifications, it’s just that this is a routine she does sometimes, for no reason, or because like everyone else in the world she’s obsessed with her phone, what else is new; so after five minutes of reading a book she really likes that she downloaded just to check out and suddenly found herself still reading and also it made her cry, after five or maybe fifteen minutes of that she had to check if anything was new anywhere in the world, or about her, specifically, so she went to facebook, even though no one she actually knows is on facebook for anything but meme pages, and also, facebook is turning into tiktok now, but like a less-useful version of tiktok, and even youtube shorts are better. you could spend a million years on even the regular part of youtube, if you like play a game on your phone at the same time, the one she likes right now is 2408, or something like that, and it’s so addictive it’s almost boring, and your hand hurts, but you still can’t stop yourself, just doing the same motion, over and over, half-watching someone watch Orphan Black, or ProZD trying cereal.
but there’s like a shopping app where if you share your order in a facebook group you can get points back if someone clicks on your link to a coupon, and those points are like four cents, eight cents, she got sixty points on an order once, apparently, and still has no idea what was different that day. but anyway, she was doing that, compulsively, even though if you think about sixty cents like sixty actual cents, it’s like nothing, like literally pocket change, like if you have to count out sixty cents for a cashier you start overheating and your hands start shaking because you just know everyone’s looking at you like, why are you holding up the line, just do it already, and like, half the time you just give up and give them a dollar, crumple your receipt and change into your wallet or pocket or bag and only zip the wallet shut once you’re outside, because you’ve wasted enough of everyone’s time already, but the point is that it doesn’t matter, she just does it, compulsively, the little facebook group coupon thing that’s probably being fed back to some marketing team somewhere, with her whole profile, even though there’s nothing on her facebook profile but that and meme pages about, like, transit, and how the world is dying, and emo music band names, and how much everyone in the whole world wants to quit their jobs and kill themselves, and also her dad’s facebook profile, which he only has to update the movies section with every horror movie he’s ever seen, which harlan said is his way of dealing with his kids being literal monsters, but luna’s almost sure he doesn’t really think that. or at least not for more than a second, like when you wake up after a bad dream and you’re just scared of everything, even though you know it doesn’t make sense.
oh and also there’s facebook messenger, but the app uninstalled itself from her phone because her phone uninstalls apps that aren’t being used, or not uninstalls, actually, but whatever. functionally, it’s the same thing. and harlan barely uses anything, and dad only comes on to update his weird list that’s being seen by nobody, and harlan said, "why aren’t we in his profile picture? in any of his pictures. we’re his kids, does that make sense to you?" but luna’s profile picture is literally just a doodle she found of a piece of rye bread that’s screaming, and harlan wouldn’t even be in a picture on purpose if you wanted him to.
but none of that was the actual—right, routines. the shopping thing, and then once she’s on facebook anyway there’s probably a meme about the earth opening up and swallowing everyone into hell, and then she’ll probably just scroll past it and find a stupid ad that doesn’t make sense but has its comments open, and then she’ll make like a pun or something, and then someone might react, or like or something, and in a way it’s actually annoying because she got used to facebook notifications just being about the shopping thing, but also it’s kind of nice to remember that she once said something funny, but only barely. it’s like the game, it’s more compulsive than anything. so she’ll go to that, go to reddit, go to twitter, and that’ll be her reward for reading the book she really likes and wanted to keep reading, even though she used to be able to just read it, and like three more, all the way through, with harlan just crashing around the house around her, parkour-ing or rollerblading, and none of it was ever really distracting.
he doesn’t do any of that stuff anymore, anyway. he’s way too quiet and brooding and skulking around like the villain in a horror movie, or just lying on his back on the floor, staring at the wall.
"do you think anyone really loves anyone?" he said, and luna was playing 2048 and half-watching clips from a Twitch stream, and he said, "luna."
"stop being weird," she said, and later she almost felt sorry, but then he took off to Jungle with his boyfriend, and by the time luna got him alone he was being his annoying overconfident self again, and there wasn’t anything to say that felt worth ruining that for him.
actually the main thing that even caught her eye after she saw she had no new notifications was that Hope Falls was trending, and no one has ever cared about Hope Falls, so for a second she was sure everyone there had died. but actually it was this video of hope barlow’s heel breaking, and basically nothing about the real Hope Falls at all, which would’ve been obvious if she’d thought about it for three more seconds, but just for a second she was thinking about how she always meant to get back in touch with megan parsonelli, except she hasn’t had her phone number in like six years, and anyway, she has no idea what she would even text. remember when you saw a scar over my eye, and then it went away, and then it came back? how you touched it, like you were trying to make it feel more real, or convince yourself that it wasn’t, and you didn’t have to worry because actually, you were just crazy. so it turns out that’s just a thing, for werewolves, on full moons. but i couldn’t see it, so i said you were lying, and that obviously harlan told you about it, and to stop talking about me to my brother. and i think i was actually really angry at you, because it was so long ago it didn’t even feel real anymore, until you were sure it was. and then that was all i could think about, any time i almost saw you.
yeah. like she’s ever going to send that.
and really they only know about scars coming back with the full moon since dad hit harlan, and it’s stupid, because he’s sorry. he’s said he’s sorry a thousand times, harlan doesn’t even care anymore. he gets angry when luna looks at it, the mark on his jaw, and says, "you were there, i was fucking feral. stop playing some sarah mclachlan song."
which luna looked up, eventually, but it didn’t explain anything, or she was too boring to listen to.
luna used to think about how lucky they were, her and harlan. to have their dad, when they could’ve been found by anyone. when they could’ve been left, wolf cubs, on their own.
"we wouldn’t have survived without him," she said, a long time ago, it was true. but harlan said, "shut up, luna."
back before he was weird, and quiet, he was still quiet but he wasn’t weird. he said, "someone else would’ve come."
"not like dad," she said, and he knew that was true, and he didn’t say anything.
after the facebook link, and reddit, luna goes on twitter, and sees there are no notifications, and sees the thing about Hope Falls.
and scrolls, and there it is: a wildfire.
harlan makes mac n’ cheese, like they’re still five years old. with a new bruise, or the old ones back again.
but it’s not a full moon, so they’re invisible. and there isn’t a mark on his jaw.
luna refreshes facebook again. and reddit, and twitter.
plays 2048. half-watches a maangchi video.
"he’s scared of me," harlan says. "it’s not his fault."
there’s a livestream, the wildfire getting bigger. out of control.
she watches a while, and puts the lighter back where it belongs.