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He didn’t mean it like that, it doesn't matter how he meant it though. All that matters is that Bulkhead was hurt by it. He barely had time to explain himself, to take it all back, and to apologize before the hurt segmented into Bulkhead’s chassis and formed into anxious disdain. Bumblebee tried all the approaches he knew; he apologized, he gave him space, and he confronted the issue. He thought it was working too, when Bulkhead agreed with a comment Bumblebee had said during the trial, Bee thought he was forgiven. In a rush to be with his best friend, he started to talk to Bulkhead, he would compliment his new artwork, he would talk about his day, and he would fail to see the look Bulkhead gave him when he was near. Of course, Bumblebee was not stupid, as far as he knew his friendship was still fragile, and he was careful not to mess up, making jokes they used to laugh at together, giving them space in between each interaction, he thought it was working. Then, when the war with the Decepticons was finally over, Bulkhead moved away, back to the farms he grew up in. He never told Bumblebee, though he told everyone else, and that really hurt. And when Bumblebee went to visit after he found out, he was ignored. Standing at the doorway to Bulkheads sub suite for cycles upon end. He knew Bulkhead was there because he was moving around in the room.
Bumblebee got the message. The way he screwed up was permanent. And it hurt badly, he thought naively that being stabbed by Sari was the most painful thing he felt in his chassis, and he thought being betrayed by Longarm (or rather Shockwave) was the most awful thing that he would experience with a bot he considered a friend. This hurt worse. It was undeniably Bumblebee’s fault and he couldn’t stand it. When Bulkhead turned his back on Bee, the others did too. To less extreme extents, of course, they simply responded to him less, became busier, and always had something more important to do. And in just a few vorns, Bumblebee found himself isolated even in crowds of bots. It reminded him of his past, where he could scream and almost no bot would care, those who did, wanted him to scream louder. He felt like everyone was watching him and hating him wherever he was. And when Ratchet let slip that he was trying to cut Bee out of his life, Bumblebee fell apart.
He left his home once every 3 megacycles to go to work, then every 4 megacycles, then every other deca cycle, until finally, he stopped leaving his room at all. There was no point when no one wanted to be around you. He couldn't look himself in the eye and promptly broke everything that showed his reflection. He couldn't stand the sound of his own voice and stopped speaking. He hated himself every time he moved, so he stayed stagnant. And then he was annoyed by the idea that he was alive. He felt every beat of his spark like acid hate, every intake felt like rusty nails down his windpipe. So when he pulled out all the Engex he had and downed it all like a thirsty plant he felt relieved. The tingling buzz throughout his meta was comforting and he could hardly see the red alerts through his HUD, let alone hear the distressed beeping that emitted from his fuel lines. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't angry at himself. He wasn't suffering by existing. He felt just like he did before Sari returned to Earth, before the incident, he felt as pure as a new spark. This feeling lasted for only 5 cycles. Though for Bumblebee, it lasted for the rest of his life.
A whole 4 deca-cycles later, there was rapping on Bumblebee’s door. It was Sentinel, ready to rip Bee a new one for not showing up to yet another meeting. He had let it slide, mainly because every time Bee showed up, the room was tense, and the yellow mech’s physical condition steadily declined. He thought that Bumblebee was simply sick and would turn up bright yellow and loud as always. But Bumblebee can’t just not show up without filing a reason. He waited at the bug’s door noting the stale metallic scent that dissipated from it and idly wondered when the last time the shoddy complex Bee resided in had been cleaned. About 3 klicks later, Sentinel lost all patience and with a mostly illegal code hack, he forced the door to open. His look of anger quickly was replaced by shock and then horror.
He had found Bumblebee on the floor of his room, a pool of vomit mixed with energon pooling beneath his frame. His optics were offline, and his derma slack open with a thin trail of dry energon staining them. He was surrounded by cubes and broken glass. Most of which were embedded into his frame as if smashed against him. His chest plate armor was removed and dented on the floor while his spark casing was scuffed and bruised. Sentinel briefly wondered if Bumblebee was attacked before he saw the servo prints of vomit all over his bare protoform around his casing that matched the bug's vomit-covered servos.
When authorities arrived they looked through his home for a motive and found a datapad with one note simply reading “I’m sorry guys” though none of them could make sense of it, seeing as it was written in English rather than Cybertronian. The forensic team could not find any foul play and the incident was labeled as a suicide later that deca-cycle. Sentinel organized a funeral and seeing as how Bumblebee was not only an elite guard but one of the saviors of Cybertron, the funeral was made into a public ceremony. No bot attended except for Sentinel, the officiator, and the event holder. It was the fastest official funeral ever in Cybertron. Bumblebee would probably have found a way to be proud of that.
It wasn't until a few vorns later when Sari came from Earth to visit all of Team Prime together did anyone notice Bumblebee’s absence. While the others were quick to write it off as Bumblebee blowing them off, Sari insisted they see him anyway, if not to yell at him for being a slagheap. When they came across the still closed-off area of Bumblebee’s old complex they start to show an interest in Bee’s whereabouts. Seeing as no one knew of any family or friends of Bumblebee other than each other they went to the only bot who was obligated to know. Sentinel. To say he was uninterested in speaking to them was a gross under-exaggeration. He tried to gracefully speed walk away and made several unsuccessful excuses. They wrote up the look of disgust Sentinel has on his face as his being in the presence of an Organic (even a half organic like Sari). In part, they were right. However, it wasn't until a wandering bot carrying paperwork across the hall mentioned that “Bumblebee has been dead for a while” did they understand and agreed with Sentinel’s newly justified disdain for them. Though they didn't truly believe the news until they came across Bumblebee’s dilapidated burial area, did they understand the situation.
They had come to find out that Bumblebee had killed himself in his own home, and his body was discovered deca-cycles later. They were allowed all details of the scene as they were able to be identified as close companions of Bumblebee. The silence was suffocating when they read about the documented mental decline in Bumblebee that Sentinel outlined in the case. Ratchet was uncharacteristically shaky as he held up the datapad containing Bumblebee’s medical autopsy with his final message attached. Sari went back to Earth a cycle or two later silently, she did not make any eye contact or try to engage in any conversation prior to entering the transwarp to Earth. Arcee, not having known Bee for long, paid her respects before leaving to return to her job as a teacher. Optimus left after, claiming that as Magnus, he cannot leave his duties for long, and though Ratchet loudly shamed Optimus for being a coward and leaving, he too dismissed himself. His EMF was tight against his frame, and Bulkhead could see how he had not stopped shaking.
Bulkhead stayed at the police station, staring at the datapad, looking at the pictures of Bee’s apartment after his body was removed. He asked about family and found out that Bumblebee was forged during a bombing in Tyger Pax, therefore not having any familiars alive before being transferred into a random orphanage just outside of Iacon. He asked about Bumblebee’s funeral and regretted it upon hearing that the only attendees were those who were hired to be there. He was sad, sure, but above all he was angry. It was a cheap way, he thought, to get out of a rut. Sure Bumblebee was excommunicated from the group, but he was so lazy that he could not make new friends. Maybe he just wanted to get Bulkhead back, “Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Just another way to make everyone else look like the bad guy, right Bee?” The thought filled him with enough hot disdain that he angrily shut off the datapad and left the station deciding that this situation was Bumblebee’s problem, and his being dead should not mean Bulkhead has to step up. “I hope he rots in the Pitts!” Bulkhead said loudly to no one, trying to ignore the pure disgust he felt when the words spilled out of his voice box. Maybe Bumblebee being dead was a good thing, at the very least, Bulkhead would not have anyone to take those words and shove him in his faceplates.