Chapter Text
The invitation comes in a sage green envelope with a lavender stalk attached to it with sellotape. It has Jeongguk’s name in big loopy handwriting on the front and a faint scent of floral perfume clings to the paper. Inside, there is letter written on cream card with flowers and leaves printed on the boarder, their stalks twisting together until they are indiscernible from one another. The writing is in the same scrawling coiled font, slightly italicised the way he remembers it was always written.
It reads:
Dear Kookie
We cordially invite you to the wedding of Kim Namjoon (Joonie) and Kim Seokjin (Jinnie) in the hopes that you will see the destined couple tie to knot and also hope than Joon remembers to tie his shoelaces so he doesn’t trip walking down the aisle.
The ceremony will take place in a place where we can get married and no one will ask too many questions – a.k.a. America – at the dawn of spring.
The exact location of our whereabouts is disclosed on the slip of paper we hope we have remembered to put in your invitation. If there isn’t one please call us on +1 (XXX) XXX-XXX.
Please please please come or it will be very embarrassing for us when we kiss in front of an empty room.
See you soon!
Much love, your hyungs <3
A small piece of paper falls out from the back of the card when Jeongguk adjusts his hold and he bends down to pick it up. It is the same cream card but attached to the back is the stem of a plant with small pink buds, still not fully bloomed and going at bit brown at the edges of the blush petals, like it had been picked before its prime. It reads an address and postcode with a little smiley face printed at the end and he lets out a huff of laughter. The letter is definitely written in Seokjin’s handwriting – elegant as always – but the colon and bracket are Namjoon’s sweet touch and so is the folded scrap of paper hidden behind the card. This one is the size of his palm and is crinkled and bent where it had been folded and looks like it was hurriedly written and stuffed in the envelope before anyone noticed.
It says:
My dear Kookie
It has been too long since we’ve seen you.
We miss you.
Please come, if not for the wedding but at least to see us. Your family.
We’ve been apart too long.
I think its time some loose ties are found and tied back together again.
Its not whole without you.
Lots of love, Joonie-hyung
Jeongguk reads the note once, twice, a third time before he looks away and lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. He knows Namjoon isn’t just talking about him and Jin. There’s more people that miss him out there. People he’s been trying to forget for a very long time, so it doesn’t hurt so much every time he sees the colour purple or a charcoal painting or watercolours or sunflowers or the scent of summer rain.
He stops himself before sighing heavily, shaking his head as if it would rid himself of the thoughts and the pain in his chest. He folds the slip of paper up and tucks it into his back pocket before turning away from the door and walking down the hallway into the apartment.
Eun-ji sits at the kitchen island, sipping a cup of coffee, her hair tied into a loose pony tail and wearing a matching silk pyjama set with sheep slippers hanging off her bare feat. The white gold engagement ring flashes in the morning sun, the diamond glinting in its clasp. She hasn’t got any make-up on so the tiny spots of acne on her temples are visible when Jeongguk approaches her. He kisses her cheek, and she blinks up at him with a sleepy grin. He smiles back at her then pecks her on the lips and she giggles.
“Have you only just woken up?” he asks, and she yawns into her mug as she replies
“Yeah. First thing I did was make this.” She gestures to the coffee, swirling it around before talking a big gulp despite the steam rising from the brown liquid.
“Well the second thing we’re going to do is see if we can make it to this.” He places the invitation in front of her and waits as she reads it silently. When she finishes she looks up at him, a whisper of concern in her eyes.
“Namjoon and Seokjin. Weren’t they your friends from college?” she asks, and he nods, biting his lips – a nervous habit.
“Didn’t something…happen with you and them?” Eun-ji questions carefully.
“No with them specifically, but yes. Something did happen years ago that involved them and…some others.” He also chooses his words carefully.
“And these ‘others’, they’ll be at the wedding too?”
“Most probably, yes.”
“Are you sure you want to go?”
No, definitely not. He has perhaps never been more unsure about anything in his life before. Its slightly scary to realise how unsure he is.
3 and a half years ago he would have made his decision as soon as he saw the handwriting on the front of the envelope, would probably already be booking flights. Would probably not even be in this country and instead only a few doors down from the sender. Probably wouldn’t even have been sent a letter. Would probably be helping to decide what tablecloth they wanted.
2 and a half years ago, he would have burst into tears the moment he saw the font then would have ripped the paper apart and flung it to the floor before falling to his knees, hands shaking as he desperately tried to put the pieces back together again. He probably would have curled into a ball and sobbed his heart out right there, in front of the door, torn paper scattered around his trembling frame.
Now, 3 years later, he is unsure. Scared.
Eun-ji must notice his internal conflict because she places one slim, small hand on top of his own and the other on his cheek and gently turns his face to look at her. But she doesn’t speak, waits and lets him form his words.
Eventually he says, “I owe it to them. And I love them. And I don’t think I would forgive myself if I didn’t go. They did nothing wrong and all I want is to see them happy.”
Eun-ji nods understandingly.
“And I miss them too.”
Something flashes across Eun-ji’s expression but its so fleeting that Jeongguk almost misses it and can’t even to begin to figure out what it was before it’s replaced with a small smile and a squeeze of his hand.
“Ok then,” she says, turning away, “Go and see if you can take those dates off from work and I’ll look at flights for you.”
“Would you come with me?”
She freezes as he says this, hand hovering over her phone. She blinks once and looks back at him.
“I think it would be good if you met them. They are my friends after all.”
“The same friends that were the reason I found you unconscious in the bathroom of some shitty club with an empty bottle of pills in your hands.” Jeongguk’s breath hitches sharply in his throat and Eun-ji stares into his eyes unwaveringly, her gaze so intense his body aches for him to look away. He doesn’t however and meets her stare and takes a deep breath.
“Joon-hyung and Jin-hyung didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t their fault.”
Eun-ji says nothing, waits for him to say more.
“And I need closure with them. And I think you could help me.” There is a moment of silence where Jeongguk holds his breath and the hands on the clock seem to tick by impossibly slowly.
Then Eun-ji says, “Ok. I’ll see what I can do about work, and we’ll look at flights.” She squeezes his hand one last time before grabbing her coffee and swigging it back with one huge gulp and Jeongguk flinches at the steam still rising over the rim.
“Thank you, Eun-ji.” He whispers and she looks at him with a soft look in her eyes.
“If this is what you think you need to do, I’ll support you any way I can.” She takes a step closer to him and reaches up, standing on her tip toes to peck him on the lips but before she can pull away, Jeongguk pulls her closer, deepening the kiss and wrapping his arms around her waist so they are pressed against each other. She lets out a noise of surprise but reciprocates easily, wrapping her arms around his neck and tilting her head to deeper it even further, tongues brushing over one another for a brief moment before she pulls away from the embrace.
“I gotta get ready for work now.” She says, stepping back.
“I’ll be off to.” He turns to grab the bag sitting on the stool next to the one Eun-ji had been sat on and slung it over his shoulder.
“See you tonight, my love.” Eun-ji calls as he opens the apartment door.
“See you tonight.”
*
JFK airport is bustling like usual as Jeongguk and Eun-ji push their way through the crowds to the exit door. People rush past them with their suitcases, some shrieking and dropping their luggage as they throw themselves into the arms of greeters with banners and flowers, others stalk past in crisp suits and stony faces and some look completely lost, poor tourists swept away in the rush. The couple weave their way through the crowd towards the doors and suddenly they are outside.
Jeongguk halts and takes a deep breath, inhaling the fresh spring air. In Seoul, the heavy thickness of pollutions always clung to the atmosphere, clogging up pores and blanketing his sense with the stench of exhaust fumes. Here, the air feels lighter, sticky with plane fuel, but more open than the built up capitol city of South Korea. A spring breeze ruffles his hair, and he closes his eyes for a moment, relishing in the crisp coolness.
However, he snaps out of it when he feels a tug on his sleeve.
“I think that’s the car over there.” Eun-ji points to a sleek black Mercedes parked to the left of them. Jeongguk checks the number plate and nods in confirmation. They hurry over and Jeongguk unlocks it with the set of keys they had picked up from the rent-a-car desk and shove their luggage into the boot, Jeongguk helping Eun-ji lift hers in next to his own. He shuts the boot, and they get in the car, door clicking shut and the ignition thrums the engine to life and then they’re off, the destination plugged into the GPS that speaks in a cool American accent.
The scenery passes by them in a montage. The tall skyscrapers of NYC that oppressively loom overhead fade into the uniformed suburbs which seem too rigid and orderly that Jeongguk feels that if he breathes the wrong way, some frazzled lady and beer-bod dad will chase after him with shrieks of repenting to Jesus and make their family golden lab race after them. Then it transitions to long highways that look like they will never end, occasionally passing through towns with gigantic Targets and Walmarts flashing their massive fluorescent signs to by-passers.
Eventually, after a long 5 hours of fighting jet lag and boredom, the landscape finally dissolved into endless miles of nature. Spring green spread into the distance, lush trees adorned with emerald leaves swayed in the breeze and the bright blue sky became tinged with gold as the sun began its descent. With the window rolled down, Jeongguk could taste the sunlight on his tongue and feel its warm fingers brush through his hair and caress his cheeks. The air was sweet and clear, more refreshing than anything he had ever experienced. Scents of earth, grass and flowers wafted in the breeze.
Eun-ji had fallen asleep about an hour ago, the long flight and sudden change of time differences finally catching up on her as they drove. Before the two had kept up the flow of conversation, chatting about this and that with no particular purpose but it had kept Jeongguk’s mind off the nervousness that had settled in his chest once they were out of the city.
But now, with nothing but silence and scenery to keep him company, he found his thoughts wondering.
The fields he drove through were unfamiliar. The grass, the trees, the wind, the sun though beautiful and calming, were new and alien. He was a stranger in these lands and he worried he would be a stranger to them too. It had been 3 years since he had last seen them, and he knew he looked different. Tattooed all the way from his wrist to his shoulder, pierced heavily on the ears and hair cropped back, neatly trimmed like the rest of him. He felt formal and stiff in his white button down, rolled up to the elbows, and black slacks and the patent office shoes were the wrong type of footwear for the rural countryside. The car too, although not his own, was like a shiny black stain on the rustic landscape. It was a far cry from the washed out jean-clad, Timberland-wearing young boy with a floppy fringe that covered wide, innocent eyes.
He wondered if they would think he was different on the inside too, that they would look into his eyes, tired with the weight of the world on his heavy eyelids and not be able to see past the dimming light that used to shine so brightly. He wondered if they would be able to see the light at all.
It scared him. Terrified him that he’ll turn up at the front door and they would ask for his name, confusion clouding their faces. He didn’t know what he would do if they didn’t recognise him anymore.
The tightness in his chest clenched painfully at the thought, and he took a sharp breath in, trying to calm his beating heart. Surely they would recognise him. Surely they would be able to see the boy they new all those years ago behind the established, orderly solemn man he had been beaten and moulded into. They knew him better than anyone else and had seen past every single façade and mask he had wielded to protect himself when he first met them. They had broken down the barriers he'd built, had touched him with understanding when he flinched and ran from the physical contact. They had caressed his face with so much love even when he didn’t know what the feeling meant. They’d been the ones to teach him how to care, how to listen, how to speak and how to embrace.
Surely they hadn’t forgotten all they did for him. Jeongguk hadn’t.
The sun was dipping lower in the sky now, not quite sunset but the golden outline to the clouds was glowing brighter by the minute. Shafts of light sliced through the gaps in the denser clouds and haloed dappled sections of the hills and fields.
He checked the GPS and felt his heart jump into his throat as the estimated time of arrival said his destination was only 10 minutes away. Gripping the steering wheel he stilled himself, braced his head and his heart for whatever was about to come, and took and deep breath in and out.
“Eun-ji,” he reached over to shake the sleeping woman’s form, “Eun-ji we’re nearly there.” She grunts and sniffs, blinking blearily in the early evening sun.
Shuffling into a sitting position she pulls the visor down to check her face and hair in the mirror, adjusting her parting and pinching her cheeks to bring some colour to them. He notices how refreshed she looks from the sleep, despite the long journey and wonders how lifeless he looks with the bags he can feel weighing down his eyes.
“Are you excited?” she asks, and he gives a noncommittal shrug, not entirely sure of how he’s feeling.
“Nervous?”
“Apprehensive,” he replies then, after a second, “And a bit scared.”
“Of them?
“No, no not of them. I’m scared of…” he’s quite for a moment, gathering his thoughts, “I’m scared of what happened. I’m scared of the memories.” He answers honestly, not wanting to lie to Eun-ji. She’s always been considerate of the past, not entirely understanding of it and Jeongguk’s relationship with it, but perceptive enough to know how and when to ask the right questions. To never force anything out of him. To help him when he asks and in return he’s always tried to be as honest as possible with her. His feelings, his thoughts, he’s admitted a lot to her in the few years they’ve been together, things that have made him feel weak and vulnerable in her arms as she rocks him gently, the way a mother would to her crying babe.
She still doesn’t know the full story. Doesn’t know why his father is so invested in their engagement and why Jeongguk never meets his eyes when they talk. She doesn’t know why when it rains in the summer, he shuts all the curtains, and she doesn’t know why he can’t look at sunflowers. She doesn’t know why he never takes pictures with the camera sitting in the shoebox in the closet, collecting dust.
But she’s ok with that. It’s one of his favourite things about her. She’s ok with not knowing everything just as long as he’s ok in the end, even if it is her he goes to on those rainy summer days with silent tears falling down his face. As long as she can wipe them away and in the morning the traces are gone and red puffy eyes are obscured by a steaming mug of coffee, its all ok.
No questions asked. Just accepted as it is with a soft smile and kiss on the forehead.
Eun-ji gives him that same smile now as she reaches over to squeeze his hand. He removes his own from the steering wheel to hold it and bring it to his lips to press a gentle kiss to the back of her palm, a silent thank you.
They stay silent for a few more minutes then the cool voice of the GPS lady states they are 5 minutes from their destination. Eun-ji removes he hand from his to go back to fixing her appearance and Jeongguk follows suit. His hair, still neatly cut back is a little messy from the flight and his skin looks pallid. The bags under his eyes look like bruises. It could be worse though. At least there aren’t any tear streaks and bloodshot irises.
As each second ticks by, the sun dips lower and the first smears of pink and orange start to paint the edges of the clouds. The little arrow on the GPS screen gets closer and closer to the checked flag that marks their destination.
Then finally, the cool automated voices cuts through the silence.
“You have arrived at your destination”
The destination is an old farm manor. High walls of stone are covered in spongey moss and creeping vine that stretch from floor to ceiling. Windows sheltered by sage green shutters with little hearts cut into the painted wood nestle within the walls. The house is in the shape of an ‘L’ with the large oak front door facing the gravel driveway which is littered with delicate pink cherry blossoms that have fallen from the alley of apple trees that line the drive. A wooden porch wraps around the front of the house with sofas and rocking chairs that are adorned with blankets and pillows are placed haphazardly, usually where one of the electric heaters is hanging from where the beams connect to the roof. A few lights are turned on in the house, casting a cozy glow through the window panes. It looks warm and inviting, the rustic edge feeling lived in and the orderly mess of the untrimmed plants and unfolded blankets feel homely.
Yeah, that’s what it was, Jeongguk thought, a home.
It makes the knot in his chest loosen a bit and it allows him to suck in a deep breath. He shuts his eyes for a moment and lets his senses take in his surroundings.
There’s a faint wind that carries the scent of earth and pollen and the sound of birds rustling and chirping sweet tunes. As the evening draws in the air is getting colder and tiny goosebumps pinprick his bare forearms. Its quiet and calm. Only nature whispers its restlessness in the purr of crickets and the stirring of sparrows as they ready their nests for the night within the trees and bushes.
If he listens even closer, he can hear the faint sound of laughter echoing from inside the stone.
A small hand slips through his and a light pressure is pressed onto his palm, grounding him. He opens his eyes to look down and sees Eun-ji gazing up at him, a peculiar look in her eye. It’s a mix of apprehension, nervousness, concern and curiosity and it blends into her coffee brown eyes with a dash of reassurance lightening the worry that had dimmed them in the evening light. Jeongguk smiles down at her, wordlessly passing on his message.
He's ok.
She nods and they turn towards the door. He makes the first step forward and she follows a beat behind. It almost feels like Eun-ji is hiding behind him and he realises that he’s probably not the only one with his stomach in his throat and heart racing at a million miles per hour. Although Eun-ji knows little about them, she knows enough to feel the importance of the moment. It slightly calms him that he’s not the only one feeling the tension.
They reach the front door and Jeongguk takes the heavy iron knocker before he can think twice. It raps heavily against the sturdy oak, the dense thunk resounding through the still light.
The laughter on the other side stops.
Silence settles and Jeongguk can barely breath.
Then there is a soft grunt and the sound of a handle turning and then the door creaks open. A mop of long black hair and plump lips pops from around the door.
“Kookie?”
“Jin.”
A shriek of joy bubbles from the man in front of him and then suddenly Jeongguk is being swept into the strong arms of his eldest hyung. Seokjin squeezes tightly and Jeongguk can only wrap his own arms tightly round the elder, burying his face into broad shoulders as the knot in his chest comes undone. Jin smells of figs and flour and the skin that Jeongguk presses him nose to between Jin’s neck and shoulder is smooth and soft. He’s warm and cushiony where Jeongguk his hard and sharp-edged and it feels like Jeongguk is melting against the older man.
Just as he is about to fully liquify into Jin’s embrace however, he suddenly pulls away and grips Jeongguk’s face in his large hands, squishing his cheeks together in an unattractive manner.
“Oh look at you my lovely, you’re all grown up,” Jin cries, turning Jeongguk’s face from side to side, inspecting him, “What on earth are these in your ears? There’s so many of them! Where did you find all that metal!”
“You should look down at his arms if you want a real surprise.” A deep voice says and standing behind Jin, a goofy grin on his face showing off pearly white teeth is Namjoon.
Jin lets out another shocked cry as he sees the tattoos that snake up Jeongguk’s forearm and disappear into his shirt sleeve. Jin yanks said arm right up to his eyes, analysing the designs.
“Holy shit,” he whispers, “That’s a fuck tone of ink”
Jeongguk barks out a laugh at Jin’s crude language and a small giggle also comes from his right. Jin and Namjoon notice the noise too a crane their necks to look over at Jeongguk’s shoulder to see Eun-ji standing awkwardly behind him.
“Oh Kookie, who’s this?” Jin asks.
Jeongguk takes a deep breath, “This,” he pulls Eun-ji to his side and wraps and arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close to him, “is my fiancé, Eun-ji.”
There’s a beat. A pause. A moment of silence where confusion and shock flickers across Jin’s and Namjoon’s expressions. Suddenly Jeongguk’s heart feels like its beating out of his chest and if it wasn’t already in his throat, it was sure to be now. As the silence stretched on he felt as if he were going to vomit all over the stone tiles and Jin’s beige slippers.
Eun-ji broke the silence first, stepping out from behind Jeongguk and holding out her hand with a nervous, hopeful smile on her face.
“Hello, it’s nice to meet you.” She says tentatively. The ring on her finger flashes in the evening sun. He sees Jin and Namjoon’s eyes flicker to it, taking it in. Eun-ji’s hand hangs in the air and he feels her tense up at his side as she thinks it might not be taken.
Then Jin’s own hand meet hers and he gently shakes it, a small smile on his face as he meets her eyes, the edges crinkling up warmly.
“It’s lovely to meet you too,” he says and Jeongguk’s heart calms down and Eun-ji relaxes beside him.
“And what a wonderful surprise as well.” Namjoon adds.
“You didn’t tell them?” Eun-ji turns to look up at Jeongguk, eyes questioning.
“No I didn’t,” he says, “Like Namjoon said, I wanted it to be a surprise.”
That was not the reason he hadn’t told anyone of Eun-ji’s arrival with him. He didn’t tell Jin or Namjoon she was coming because he knew that if he did, he might not come, and all of this would have been for nothing.
And Jin and Namjoon deserved to have all their friends at their wedding.
Regardless of the past.
Regardless of the present.
“Its good we gave you the double bed instead of the twin singles then.” Says Jin, letting go of Eun-ji’s hand and allowing Namjoon to reach over and shake it too. Then Jin steps aside and takes a dramatic bow as he flourishes to the inside of the house.
“This way into our humble abode.” He says with a cheeky grin that Jeongguk cannot help but to return.
The ‘humble abode’ is far from humble. The entrance is a grand porch with high ceilings lined with beams of wood with a giant crystal chandelier hanging from it, casting glittering beams of dim light scattering across the walls. Two sweeping staircases rise to a second floor balcony, mahogany banisters with intricate designs carved into the wood of various woodland animals such as foxes and rabbits and sparrows and badgers melded into the railings of the balcony made with the same shining rich brown wood. It had a rustic barn-like feel, almost like a hunting cabin sans the dead animal heads on the walls. Namjoon would never allow such cruel décor.
Jeongguk removed his shoes at the threshold, Eun-ji following suit. Jin snorted at the iron-man socks that adorned his feet and Jeongguk shot him a withering stare but its impact was weak as it was paired with an embarrassed grin.
Jin lead the pair through the grand foyer into the living space beyond. A long wall of floor to ceiling windows looked out onto the back garden that was more small botanic sanctuary. To the right a willow tree draped over a pond that flashed orange and yellow with koi fish and was lined with flowering bushes and plants and to the left was a fire pit and outside dining area. The back yard was tinted with a mellow orange from the now setting sun as was the inside of the house which filtered through the giant windows.
The living space itself had the same bucolic aura. The colour scheme of warm creams and rich browns carried throughout all the furniture. A grand oak dining table sat across from a large kitchen island that was surrounded by wooden surfaces covered in every cooking appliance a person could ever want or need, all of them polished and gleaming. None of the main lights that hung from the ceiling were one but scattered lamps and candles gave the house a moody, intimate atmosphere and a sweet musky scent from the melting wax.
A fire crackled merrily in a large open fireplace, spitting and sparking flashes of embers which glowed momentarily before dying out in the air. A huge TV was mounted onto the wall above it, the most modern looking thing in the entire house aside from the kitchen gadgetry. Paintings hung on the walls too, depicting images of quaint villages and scenic countryside. In front of the fire an ring of plush cream sofas surrounded a coffee table which had five mugs of steaming hot chocolate, some with marshmallows, some without and one of them with whipped cream piled so high it dripped down the side of the mug and onto the placemats.
“Can I take a guess,” he said and pointed to the mug with the absurd amount of cream, “And say that that one is Jimin’s.”
“Oh my god Kook!”
Suddenly a mop of blond hair barrelled into Jeongguk, nearly knocking him over with the force of a tight hug that rivalled Jin’s. He circles his arms around Jimin’s smaller frame and picks him up to swing him round and the man shrieks indignantly.
“Hey, put me down you overgrown toddler.” Jimin whines but he doesn’t let go of Jeongguk, just holds him tighter and tighter until Jeongguk has to abstain as he fears imminent suffocation. Gently placing Jimin down on his feet he has to fight a laugh as he realises the top of Jimin’s head, even with the bouncy blow-out hair that smells like orange shampoo and vanilla bodywash, only reaches the top of his nose meaning the older boy must crane his head up in order to look into Jeongguk’s eyes from the close distance between them. Jimin too must notice this as he gasps and pokes him accusingly in the chest.
“Since when did you grow?” he complains.
“And since when did you get these?” another voice says teasingly and a hand grips his biceps, squeezing the muscle that strains in the white dress shirt.
“Get off Hobi.” Grumbles Jeongguk with a grin, brushing the bony hand off his arm to sling his own under Hoseok’s shoulders and bring him into a hug. Hobi easily wraps his arms around Jeongguk’s neck and Jeongguk buries his face into his shoulder, like he did to Jin, breathing in the scent of sea breeze and citrus. Hoseok’s melodic laugh rings through the air as he says in Jeongguk’s ear, “Its good to see you again.”
Jeongguk only squeezes him tighter, suddenly unable to form words due to the lump in his throat.
“Don’t start crying on us now Kook.” And Jeongguk’s eyes snap up to look over Hobi’s shoulder to see Yoongi’s warm eyes meet his own.
“Yoongi-hyung.” He breathes and Hoseok lets go of him so Jeongguk can fall into Yoongi’s open arms, allowing the smaller man to bundle him close and he lets out a sigh of relief as the familiar smell of coffee and pine envelopes him. A bony hand cards through his hair soothingly and he lets out a sigh of relief and the land tendrils of the knot in his stomach dissipate into the cozy, comfortable warmth that settles in his heart.
If he could spend the rest of his life tucked away in Yoongi’s arms with the pleasant rays of setting sun grazing his face with their delicate feather-light touches, he would. In a heartbeat.
But sadly he cant and he must pull away as he feels tense, nervous eyes boring into his back. Reluctantly, he unwinds himself from Yoongi’s embrace and steps back, looking over his shoulder to where Eun-ji stands next to Jin and Namjoon, at their sides but with a bit too much space between them to consider them standing together.
He smiles reassuringly at her and he reaches to hold her hand, intwining their fingers together as he feels the cold press of the metal ring against his palm.
“Guys I want you to meet Eun-ji,” he says, “My fiancé”
Jimin meets his eyes first. A piercing gaze fixes on Jeongguk, hazel irises filled with so many questions they merge into one. Unusually, surprise is not etched into the raise of his eyebrows but rather they scrutinise Jeongguk, examining his expression as if the biting of his lip or the twitching of his jaw will hold the answers to the inquisition that burns behind those small eyes.
He knows why Jeongguk didn’t tell anyone about Eun-ji. And Jimin’s trying to decide if he should tear Jeongguk to shreds or not.
Jeongguk hopes with all his heart that Jimin will wait until he has heard him out.
It’s Hoseok that moves first, approaching Eun-ji with a wide smile on his face that looks only slightly forced to hide the shock and confusion.
“Eun-ji its lovely to meet you. I’m Hoseok but you can call me Hobi if you want.” He echoes Jin but it sounds a bit too welcoming, a bit too enthusiastic. Tension grows uncomfortably in the air.
Eun-ji reaches out to shake Hobi’s hand but is instead pulled closer so the man can kiss her on each cheek. She looks slightly startled but chuckles and Hoseok laughs brightly.
“Its good to meet you too, Hobi.” She tries the nickname on her tongue and her smile mirrors Hobi’s own as he steps aside to allow Yoongi to greet her.
“I’m Yoongi.” He says and opts for just shaking her hand but with a small bow of his head.
“Oh you’re the big producer/rapper. Jeonggukie’s has mentioned you before.” Eun-ji says.
“That would be me, yes,” Yoongi replies, “So Kookie’s mentioned us before?”
And what else have you said, is the silent question that hangs in the air.
What does she know?
“Yes he showed me a few of your songs. They were incredible.” She gushes and Jeongguk is brought back to those drizzly summer days where he wraps himself in the duvet and Eun-ji’s arms and tries to time his breathing to the rhythmic beat of Yoongi’s voice as it filters through the speakers to drown out the sound of rain.
“I’m glad you like them.” Yoongi replies smoothly. Then he too steps aside as Jimin approaches the couple.
Apprehension makes Jeongguk’s heat beat uncomfortably against his chest and the tension in the air is so taught you could cut it with a butter knife.
Eun-ji holds her hand out to shake Jimin’s own, “Hello, its nice to me-“ but she is cut of as Jimin takes her hand not to shake it but to inspect the engagement ring on her finger.
Jeongguk feels Eun-ji tense up and suck in a quick breath as the piercing hazel gaze fixes on the illustrious sparkling diamond set on a band of white gold. Jeongguk picked it out because it was simple. He didn’t want it to be too extravagant, too flashy. His father had wanted it to be luxurious with as many diamonds he could fit on and perhaps a sapphire or two. He wanted it to be expensive, a statement to scream Jeongguk’s decision. A physical, tangible reference to the new life Jeongguk was about to enter.
A harsh reminder to everything he had lost on the way.
But Jeongguk had adamantly refused. He spilt bullshit about how he didn’t want it to get caught and break or hurt Eun-ji’s fingers if it was uncomfortable.
The reality was that he didn’t want to look at it.
He didn’t want to be reminded.
If he had his way, he probably wouldn’t have given Eun-ji a ring at all.
But his father was insistent and in the end they came to a compromise of the simple band and simple diamond.
Simple, small and insignificant.
“It’s a beautiful ring.” Jimin says.
“Thank you.” Eun-ji breathes out.
Again that beat of silence. Jeongguk wishes that these damned silences would just stop. He’s sick of silence.
As if some god or genie had heard his prayers, Jin claps his hands together, making the room jump from the noise as the tension snapped and dissolved into the furthest corners.
“S’mores anyone?” he cries and its only then that Jeongguk notices the apron wrapped around Jin’s waist with the words ‘WILL COOK FOR WINE’ plastered on the fabric in big bold capital letters.
A whoop comes from Hoseok, and he runs to the windows, fumbling with the handle that Jeongguk hadn’t realised made the panes a sliding door to the garden. In his haste to get outside he tries to get out of the door to early and miscalculates the width of his shoulders to the gap in the windows and slams his arm into the frame. A string of colourful curses spills from his mouth and the group laughs as he trips and stumbles his way to the fire pit with a shout of ‘I’ll get the fire ready!’.
“Any bets on whether or not he’s gonna burn the house down.” Yoongi says dryly.
“I think he’ll be ok; he says he’s gotten better at lighting things since last time.” Jin replies and the image of fireworks burn into the back of Jeongguk’s vision. He shakes his head and blinks them away.
“You have far too much faith in him.” Is all Yoongi says.
The group slowly makes their way outside and Jeongguk’s heart warms as he sees Seokjin fall into step beside Eun-ji, striking up a conversation with her about the flight and 5 hour car journey.
He doesn’t follow the rest of the group, however. Instead he turns to face Namjoon who is looking at him with such gratitude it punches the air right from Jeongguk’s lungs.
“Thank you for coming.” Namjoon says in a low voice and Jeongguk closes the short distance between them to throw his arms around the taller man.
“I missed you so much.”
“I know. But you’re here and that’s all that matters for now.”
Jeongguk nods and inhales the scent of sage, old books and jasmine and for a moment, everything feels ok.