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They laid on the floor of Build’s old childhood bedroom, the one his parents tried to turn into a guest room, but quickly realized the only guests they usually had were their own grandkids. The room now had two small kid’s beds and was painted in bright colors, fit for two young boys.
When Bible came to Build’s parents’ house, Build was surprised. He of course knew Bible was coming, but a part of him thought he was just joking. It all became real when the man was at his doorstep, a duffle bag in one hand and a gift bag in the other.
He looked a bit tired, probably from the drive and Build invited him in, taking his bag from his hand, while Bible greeted his parents. After Bible settled in and washed up, they had dinner, pestering him with questions, which most of them made Build blush a deep red. His siblings were teasing both of them, and even though Build was embarrassed he still loved how easily his family took Bible in.
After dinner, his mother tried to stop Bible from helping clean up, but it was pointless, the boy simply raised that way. Eventually she gave up and made Build help him, and that’s how they ended up in the kitchen, next to each other, one washing the dishes, the other drying them.
The silence around them was comfortable, none of them trying to speak, even though they knew they had so many things to say.
After they finished cleaning up, they said goodnight to everyone and went to wash up and get ready for bed.
That’s how they ended up on the ground, a big comforter underneath them and soft blankets covering them, Bible’s face hidden in the nook between Build’s neck and shoulder. Build could hear him breathe deeply, almost like he was inhaling him.
“Why’d you come?” he asked softly, his voice breaking the silence that enveloped them. Bible sighed, the warm air hitting Build’s skin, making the area break into goosebumps.
“Shouldn’t I have?”
“No. That’s not what I meant… I missed you,” he admitted, his eyes darting around the room.
“I missed you too. That’s a part of why I’m here, too,” Bible replied, lifting himself up on his elbow to get a better look at the other man. Build kept avoiding his eyes, suddenly so interested in the empty ceiling above him.
“Biu…” he continued softly, reaching up to graze his fingers against Build’s cheek. “Can you look at me?”
Build was never able to say no to Bible, at least not seriously. He was ready to give the younger man everything, and had already given him everything. So, he sighed, trying to keep the tears away (he cried too much these past weeks, he was sick and tired of it) and let Bible gently turn his face so their eyes could meet.
“Hi,” he whispered, cringing a bit when his voice came out strained and small.
“Hi,” Bible replied, a big smile on his face. Build couldn’t resist smiling back, the dimples forming on his face. As Bible leaned down, Build’s heart was starting to race even more than before, the harsh beat so loud that he was certain Bible could hear it.
He closed his eyes and suddenly opened them again when he felt Bible’s lips on his cheek, right where his dimple would be. He smiled again, feeling happy for the first time in so long.
“I don’t regret meeting you,” Bible spoke against his skin, the warm puffs of air tingling the slightly damp patch underneath.
“Ble…” he tried arguing, but Bible continued.
“I don’t regret knowing you. Being your friend. My life would be so different without you–”
“And maybe that would be a good thi–”
“No.”
The harshness of his voice sent a shiver down Build’s spine. He knew Bible could be angry, he had seen him like that a few times, but it still took him by surprise most of the time. Bible was gentle and kind, someone who was always ready to help anyone. He was quiet and reserved, something that made Build want to be his friend even more. He hated feeling alone, a feeling he got used to a long time ago. He made so many bad choices, when he realized being alone was the best way to avoid making mistakes.
But deciding to be Bible’s friend… it seemed he made a mistake once again. He loved him, loved him so much he wanted to hug him and never let him go. Bible never made fun of him, but still teased him openly. He always made him laugh so hard, he even laughed at Build’s silly jokes. He was always there for him.
Becoming Bible’s friend wasn’t a mistake for Build, but he was selfish. He wanted to keep Bible for himself, even though he knew it was hurting him. Even though he knew Bible would have problems because of him.
“Where did you go?” Bible interrupted his train of thoughts. Build shook his head and smiled.
“Nowhere. It doesn’t matter.”
Bible frowned. “Please don’t do that,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, making him seem small. Build took another look at his friend. In the darkness he couldn’t see properly, but the light coming in from the street illuminated the room enough to show him how tired Bible looked.
His face was hollow, the cheekbones protruding even more than before. Build lifted a hand, gently tracing the shape with his fingertips before he cupped Bible’s cheek.
“Do what?”
“I don’t like it when you keep things from me. Important things. Your thoughts.”
“So, I should tell you everything?”
Bible shook his head gently, Build’s hand still on his cheek, the warmth comforting. “No… I just want you to know that you’re safe with me. Telling me things. I want to know what bothers you.”
“What if I… what if I bother you too much? I’m already a burden–”
“Stop. Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Stop putting yourself down like that. I don’t regret knowing you, okay?”
“Bible…” he said, but before he could continue, Bible leaned down and pressed his lips into his own, muffling any words of protest.
It took him a moment to respond, the sudden change of pace taking him by surprise, but he quickly slotted his lips against Bible’s, parting them slightly to let his tongue swipe across Build’s, the other man granting him entrance. The kiss was soft yet deep, both of them still gentle as if the other would disappear if they took it further.
Build’s hand moved from Bible’s cheek to the back of his neck as he pulled him even further down. Bible tasted like mint and something else sweet, something that was present in all of their previous kisses, that made Build’s head spin and body tingle.
They broke apart a while after gasping for breath, shyly looking into each other’s eyes, as they bursted out giggling into the darkness.
“Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I had never met you,” Build whispered, Bible’s face still only a few centimeters away.
“I told you. My life would be different. I doubt I would be where I am now without you.”
He shook his head, playing with the hair at the back of Bible’s neck. “No, I think you would be even more famous without me.”
Bible settled himself back in his embrace, bringing his arms around Build’s waist once again.
“I wasn’t talking about fame,” he finally said, as he looked up at Build through his lashes. Build had to remember how breathing worked, as his best friend stared up at him looking beautiful.
It was strange to call a man pretty, at least that was what they kept telling him.
Men aren’t supposed to be pretty.
But when Bible looked at him like that, a sparkle evident in his dark eyes, his cheekbones sharp and lips so soft and inviting, a thin sheen over them, it was hard not to call him beautiful.
Pretty.
Breathtaking.
He was something out of Build’s dreams, someone not completely real, because there was no way the man in his arm was just a human being.
If Build believed in angels, he might think Bible was one of them. An ethereal being wrapped in a human cocoon.
“What do you mean?” he replied after a moment too long.
Bible rolled his eyes at him and something fluttered in the pit of his stomach. He was acting like a teenager with a crush, like he didn’t have Bible’s tongue in his mouth a moment ago.
But that was the thing with them. They always did this. They’ve been dancing around each other for months now. A touch here, a kiss there meant nothing. It didn’t lead anywhere, Build realized sadly.
It was probably his own fault, as he was keeping Bible at arm’s length, worried he’d hurt him because people around him always get hurt. It wouldn’t surprise him if Bible just gave up soon.
His heart clenched at the thought.
“I mean… I love you. And even if we weren’t who we are, I would still want you. Don’t you get that?”
Build’s heart rate picked up.
“You can’t just say things like that!” he said. He was trying to stop himself from blushing hard, even though he was certain Bible couldn’t see it in the darkness.
The other man just laughed.
“Why are you pretending this is news to you? You’ve known how I feel since forever.”
“Ble…”
“I love you. I love you so much it hurts and you make my head spin sometimes, and you make me lose my mind when you smile.”
He stopped for a moment, nuzzling further into Build’s neck and continued, his breath tickling Build’s sensitive skin.
“I never knew what people meant when they talked about butterflies. I was never in love before, never felt that. But then I met you. That’s when I realized they were playing it down, because my whole body feels like it has tied itself into knots just because you’re next to me. Even now, after two years of knowing you, you still make me nervous.”
“You could have anyone, Ble. You deserve someone kind and good.”
Bible laughed before lifting his head to look into Build’s eyes. “And that someone is you.”
“I’m not–”
“If you argue with me, I will kiss you again.”
He laughed at the threat. “That doesn’t sound really threatening.”
“It’s not a threat. It’s a promise.”
Build stayed silent for a moment. He took a shaky breath and said: “You promise to kiss me?”
Bible took Build’s face in his hand and turned him to face him.
“I promise to kiss you every day for as long as you’d let me.”
Build blinked at him, trying to keep the tears at bay.
“How about now?” he whispered, worried if he spoke too loudly everything would fall apart like it had before. He got used to handling his happiness like an egg in a spoon, one wrong move and it would be broken.
Previously he had gotten too careless, that was why he was in this current situation, at least that was what he thought of it. Bible constantly tried to tell him that he was allowed to be happy, that what happened wasn’t his fault, but Build knew things didn’t happen for no reason. He believed in karma, and his own greediness, his want to have Bible, to be happy with him brought this down on him.
He would be okay if only he was affected, but his situation was hurting Bible and it scared him. What if he messed up again?
“You’re thinking again,” Bible said, bringing him out of his thoughts.
“I’m scared.”
“I know,” he replied, gently brushing the pad of his thumb across Build’s cheek. “I am too. But I lost you once already. I don’t want to go through that again.”
“You deserve–” Bible’s lips silenced his words as he felt the other man push his tongue in his mouth, gently dragging it across the soft skin inside. The kiss was over before it started, Build was almost unable to respond, when Bible pulled away, his eyes dark and determined.
“Do you think this is worth it? That I’m worth it?”
Build stared at him with big eyes. How could he even ask that question?
“Of course,” he replied quickly.
“Then what’s there to think about?”
“It’s not that simple, Ble.”
“It is. I love you, shouldn’t that be enough?”
Build sighed. “Love can’t solve everything.”
“But it’s a start. Maybe not everything is resolved now, but we are on the same page, right?”
“I feel guilty keeping you for myself.”
Bible pressed their foreheads together. “You can’t keep me if I don’t want to be here, okay? I love you. But if you don’t feel the same–”
Build laughed loudly, quickly pressing a hand to his mouth as he remembered everyone else was sleeping.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I love you so much, Ble, why do you think I’m still here? Besides my family, you’re the most important person in my life.”
Bible smiled at him, their foreheads still pressed together. “Then let me be in your life. We don’t have to decide right now, but just… don’t push me away.”
“Okay. Okay, I won’t. But promise me one thing.”
He nodded slightly, signaling Build to continue.
“If it ever gets too much, if you can’t handle it, if you feel too much pressure. If you have to choose–”
“I will choose you.”
“No. Don’t do that. Please. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, if you did that.”
Tears started to gather in his eyes.
“Okay. If it gets too much, I will tell you. But I can’t promise you that I won’t choose you. I’ve always chosen you.”
Build nodded, wrapping his arms around Bible as the other man pecked his lips quickly before settling back to his spot, his face in the crook of Build’s neck, an arm around Build’s waist and a leg thrown over his midriff. Build could feel Bible’s heartbeat, the fast and loud pace almost a mirror version of his own, as they tried to calm themselves down.
The future was scary, they both knew it.
But, as Build dragged his fingers over Bible’s back, the younger man almost half-asleep, a part of him was content.
Happy even.
The path that brought them to their current situation wasn’t pretty, he knew that. If he could go back in time, he would change it. He would do everything in his power to stop things from happening. From hurting Bible.
But if this path was the only one that led to him having Bible in his arms…
Build wouldn’t change a thing then.