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Ellie keeps her fingers digging into his back as they find their way back to the house. They stay upstairs at Joel’s request (him not wanting her to see the mess he created and spare her the view). He gets her to sit in the dining room, picking up one of the turned-over chairs for her. But as he goes to try and get something clean from downstairs or even some water, her fingers catch on his arm and when he turns he realizes how small she is, how young .
Joel kneels in front of her, trying to hide the pain that flashes through his body at the simple movement, “I’ll be right back, alright?”
Her form is dwarfed in his jacket, her hands hidden somewhere within the sleeves. Her eyes are glassy like she isn’t entirely present, he lifts a hand to direct her face to look at him directly. She scans his face and finally, his words register: “okay.”
As he stands he watches her bring her legs up to her chest, hugging them tightly and burying her little face in them. It breaks his heart.
Joel limps his way to the basement door, stabling himself on the wall as he tries not to stumble down the steps. He finds his bag but there’s nothing in it. He finds the bag Maria and Tommy had given him when they left: a small satchel which inside sports mostly used gauze and disinfectant. He grabs the knocked-over bottle of water and rips cloth from the sleeping bag before he makes his way back up the stairs glancing into the living room and hoping to god the bodies were hidden enough in the darkening room to save Ellie from the gore.
Ellie is still in her same position when he finally arrives, she bristles but immediately softens when he says, “‘s just me.”
He drops the gauze and disinfectant on the table before kneeling before her. She slowly drops her legs and doesn’t falter when he reaches forward with a gentle hand to touch her purple-stained nose. “It ain’t broken,” he comments, pulling a hand away to grab the supplies, “you wanna or should I?”
She eyes the contents for a moment before shaking her head, he gets a whiff of ash, “y… you.”
He nods, moving to take one of her hands, letting her watch his every movement, “let me know if I hurt you.”
She takes a moment and when he looks up she nods.
The blood on her hand had already begun to clot and flake so when he wets the cloth with the water the blood comes right off in muddy swipes. Her hands shake, and he wonders if they had been shaking the whole time. He places her hand back then taking the other he repeats the same motion, flipping it over to her palm and the little cuts that sit there as he wipes down her fingers. He tries to clean under her nails and around her cuticles but when it shows to be fruitless he doesn’t push.
When he looks up to examine Ellie’s face she’s already looking back, searching his face and he registers she’s looking for pain. He offers a small smile, it isn’t returned. He takes part of her face in his hand to tilt her to the left before taking the wet cloth to clean the splatters of red on her cheek, her chin, then her nose. He’s extra careful not to worry the shallow cut on her nose. She winces when he cleans it though so he stops and waits for her to nod for him to continue. Joel wipes the underside of her nose, then her lips where blood embeds itself in the cracked skin. He tilts her face the other way and treats it with the same care.
He goes over her hands and face once more, and after a while he finds himself humming Hey Jude. Her hands stop shaking but tears well in her eyes.
Once he’s done, he takes the gauze and wraps it around her knuckles and palm, pressing his thumb in the center of her hands softly and she seems to appreciate the gesture. “I’ll be right back?”
Ellie watches him stand and she nods, wiping her eyes.
Joel takes the time to clear the living room, pushing the bodies out the front door and pulling the rug and any blood-stained furniture out into the snow. He finds the bedroom and takes a comforter, and throw pillow from the closet. They’re dusty and were hidden under a mess of shoes. He makes the couch habitable: laying the blanket over the cushions and setting the pillow against the armrest.
He moves back into the kitchen, clutching his side at the exertion. Ellie is still seated, her legs dead still against the floor as she stares into space. “Come lie down,” he offers, pushing his weight into the dining table. She looks up at him and nods after a moment. Joel keeps an arm around her as he leads her to the other room, helping her lie on the couch. “Want me to take your shoes off?” he asks, wanting her to get as much comfort as she could but she shakes her head so he pulls the blanket from the back cushions and wraps it around her so only her little head and tangled hair was visible.
Joel drops to the floor by her head, leaning back against the armrest and closing his eyes. Ellie taps his shoulder and he turns to her with a hum. “Thank you,” is all she says.
Tears fall from her eyes, creating tracks down the bridge of her nose all the way down to the pillow where a wet spot forms. Joel feels his heart clench, he wishes nothing more than for her to not feel how she feels, but wishing won’t do much so he nods and offers a hand. He expects her to shake it or perhaps ignore it but instead, she takes it, holding it close to her. She’s cold.
Joel lets his head fall back once again and he closes his eyes.
Sleep doesn’t follow.