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While Alec was pleased to have a boyfriend — and for that boyfriend to be Jace, who he had been in love with for years — he was still mad. Mainly because of a certain demonic presence in the building going by the name of Sebastian Morgenstern.
It wasn’t like Alec saw Sebastian often — quite the opposite, in fact. Sebastian preferred to stay in his room. Occasionally, Alec would see him outside, always with someone to keep an eye on him. Clary, usually, which made sense. She was his sister, despite everything, and she wanted to get to know her brother now that he no longer had demon blood. Jocelyn and Luke would sometimes be there too.
And, to Alec’s annoyance, Jace.
If Jace wanted to hang out with Sebastian and bring him out of his room, Alec couldn’t stop him. It was Jace’s decision, and Alec would respect it, as stupid as it was. And Alec suspected he was biased against Sebastian, after all. He had good reason to be.
Whenever he looked at Sebastian, he remembered seeing Max’s body.
He knew his family saw it as well. Isabelle looked ready to decapitate Sebastian whenever he came into her field of vision. Maryse tried not to display so much hostility, probably since Sebastian was in her Institute, but Alec couldn’t miss the look in her eye. Robert had returned to Alicante due to his position as Inquisitor, but Alec knew his father felt the same.
Sebastian had made an enemy of the Lightwoods. Alec was surprised he hadn’t made an enemy of Jace as well.
Maybe it had to do with the fact that the two were now parabatai. Thinking about their new and unjust parabatai bond just made Alec burn in rage. He was Jace’s parabatai, not Sebastian. But this was just another thing Sebastian could take from the Lightwoods, wasn’t it?
“You should hate me,” Sebastian said to Jace.
Jace looked at him, feeling no surprise at all. The two of them were currently sitting in the greenhouse. Sebastian stared at the plants distractedly. Jace sighed. “You’re right. I should. You killed Max, you bound me to you… and so much more. And maybe I do hate you a bit.”
“Then why are you here with me?” Sebastian looked at Jace.
“I already told you before,” Jace said. “I’m not interested in being stuck with someone I think of as my enemy. So I’m trying to be your friend.”
“Friends don’t despise each other,” Sebastian said.
“I believe Simon and I dislike each other very much,” Jace said, attempting a grin. Something about Sebastian’s presence made it hard for Jace to be his usual charming self. Jace hated that. He could use his usual charming self right about now.
“You and Simon are different,” Sebastian said. “You don’t really hate each other, as far as I’m aware. But you really hate me.”
“I hate you,” Jace said, “but do you hate me?”
Sebastian didn’t respond immediately. Finally, he said, “Yes, maybe. I was practically raised to hate you, as my opposite, and everything that I was not. The one who received the love of my father and my sister. This isn’t something I can get rid of that easily, Jace Herondale. But I guess it makes sense. If we’re going to be bound to each other forever, then what use is it if we want to kill each other?”
Alec dreamed. He dreamed of being in the Penhallow’s house, demons raging outside, and seeing Sebastian, the demon inside, his eyes pure black, standing over Max. Alec dreamed of bringing his bow up and pointing it at Sebastian, shooting his heart. He dreamed that Sebastian was the one who had died, not Max, never Max, because Max was too young, and Sebastian—
“Sebastian had never really gotten to live,” Clary had told him once.
There was something different about the black-eyed Sebastian of the past and in Alec’s dreams. He was not the Sebastian of now, the one who lurked in his room, only coming outside when tempted by his family or the boy forced to be his parabatai. The green-eyed Sebastian who looked like a human.
During his trial, Sebastian seemed to feel guilt. The black-eyed Sebastian wouldn’t have, but the green-eyed Sebastian did.
But he was still Sebastian.
And Alec enjoyed dreaming of his death.
After waking up from yet another dream in which Alec lay in the Penhallow’s house, arms around Max, covered in Sebastian’s blood, Alec decided to go to the training room. The Alec of his dreams had a good shot, and Alec believed the real him did as well, but it never hurt to practice.
With his bow and quiver strapped onto his back, Alec left his room and made his way to the training room. As he entered, he froze as he saw Sebastian standing in the middle, a sword awkwardly held in one hand and blood covering the other. Sebastian was staring at the bloody hand, noticing Alec’s presence a moment too late.
He just barely had enough time to dodge as Alec’s arrow flew by. It grazed his arm, and blood began to flow. Wincing, he dropped the sword.
“Where,” Alec said, his voice dangerous, “is Jace?”
“How do you know I didn’t come here with Clary?” Sebastian questioned, then made a face, probably realizing that that wasn’t the best response.
“Tell me,” Alec hissed out, his next arrow trained on Sebastian’s heart. “Where is he?”
“I’m right here.” Alec turned around to see Jace behind him, a roll of bandages held in his hands. Something about the other boy’s posture was stiff. “Alec, what the hell are you doing?”
Alec faltered, his bow falling. “His hand-”
“He cut himself,” Jace said, heading over to Sebastian, barely sparing Alec a passing glance. “He’s out of practice.”
Now that Alec thought about it, there was too little blood for there to have actually been a serious injury. He cursed himself under his breath. Could he really have been so stupid?
Sebastian was staring at Alec while Jace dressed his wounds. His eyes narrowed as Alec’s gaze met his, then they flickered over to their parabatai. Alec marched over to the two of them and glared. “I hate you,” Alec declared in a quiet, menacing voice. “I despise you with all my being, Sebastian Morgenstern.”
Sebastian did not reply.
Finally finished bandaging both of Sebastian’s wounds, Jace turned to Alec. Grabbing his wrist, he led him to the other side of the training room. “Alec,” he sighed. “I know how you feel about Sebastian, but…”
“I’m not going to apologize,” Alec said with a sigh. “I will admit I was a bit hasty, though. I was just worried… about you.” He raised his hand and let it rest on Jace’s arm, but the other boy flinched and pulled away. Alec immediately realized why. “You can feel his pain, can’t you?”
Jace nodded. “The same way I feel yours. It’s not as bad as he must be feeling, but… it’s still there.”
Alec sighed again. “Is it possible to fix this?” Is it possible to remove this cursed parabatai bond from existence? To have Jace be my parabatai, and only mine?
“As nice as that would be,” Jace said, “I don’t think so.”
“Why were you even here with him, anyway?” Alec asked.
“We’re parabatai, like it or not,” Jace said. “I need to trust him to have my back.”
“Do you?”
“In a way, I do,” Jace said. “But also no.”
That answer confused Alec, but it would have to do for now. He brushed an eyelash off Jace’s cheek and said, “I’ll see you later, then.”
Jace nodded, and Alec left the room.
He could almost feel Sebastian’s eyes watching him as he exited.