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“man,” a robotic voice echoed dangerously through the dark living room, sending chills through you. “did you pick the wrong apartment.”
luckily, the voice was familiar. “um, the one i live in?”
he choked out your name, startled, and you flicked on the light switch to find him frozen in place with a gun in his hand.
“right.” you said tensely, glancing at it- which made him jerk his hand down, shoving the gun into its holster as though it burned him- and looking back up at the eyes of his helmet. “so, uh, i’ll turn a light on next time.”
“you shouldn’t be home yet,” he said stiffly.
“i texted you like, three hours ago to let you know i’d be home a day early.”
he swore quietly. “my phone’s in the river.”
“how did it- you know what, at least that explains the radio silence. you didn’t think to have someone else- anyone else- let me know?”
“uh.” he paused, tensing almost imperceptibly for a moment. “no. i was, uh, i was busy. i’m sorry.”
“busy, huh?” something felt very wrong, and not just the fact that he had nearly shot you. “okay, i’ll bite, busy with what?”
“nothing important.”
the sinking feeling in your stomach intensified and your eyes narrowed dangerously. “important enough that you forgot to tell me you weren’t dead in an alley somewhere, when you knew i’d be texting to check in anyway. leaving me worrying in a hotel room in another city.”
“nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to worry about.” you were really getting sick of the sound of his modulator, but he continued before you could say anything. “go back to what you were doing, babe.”
“yeah… uh, no.” you stepped forwards and he flinched back defensively, making you freeze. “seriously, what is up with you tonight?”
“noth-”
“jason, i promise if you say nothing one more time, i’m going to lose my mind.”
he shifted his foot back slightly, and you took a deep breath.
“okay,” you conceded, raising your hands up in surrender and moving backwards yourself. “respecting your space now. that wasn’t my best decis-”
your voice cut out when something under his jacket caught your eye.
something red.
“holy crap, jason, what the hell?”
he winced quietly. “you weren’t supposed to be home yet, okay?”
“take that stupid helmet off already, would you?” you snapped, already moving to get the first aid kit.
“i would’ve gone somewhere else if i’d known, okay?” his voice, now clear and crisp without the filter, followed you down the hall.
“that does not make this better!”
“can you please not yell at me right now?”
you dashed back into the room, shooting a vicious glare at him. “jacket.”
he slid it off gingerly, dropping it on the couch next to his helmet.
“can you get the armor, or do i need to help?”
even despite the domino mask he was wearing, you could tell he was rolling his eyes. “if i couldn’t do it on my own, why would i have come here if i didn’t think you’d be home?”
“hm,” you took the piece he handed you and carefully set it on the couch, “maybe because you’re a stubborn jackass?”
he grunted, sliding his undershirt off and passing it to you. “i don’t wanna stain the couch with that.”
“your priorities suck.”
“it’s the nicest piece of furniture we own!”
“it’s still a couch!”
“it was expensive!”
“oh for crying out loud-” you threw your hands up again, this time in frustration. “fine! fine. i’ll go put this in the tub and get a soak going. you-” you shoved the kit towards him pointedly- “start washing that off.”
“how come you’re calling the shots?” he snapped back petulantly.
“because my torso’s in one piece.”
“i have way more experience with this, i should be making the decisions here.”
“oh, of course, my apologies!” your voice was absolutely dripping in sarcasm. “what, pray tell, would you have us do?”
he scowled at you for a moment before reaching for the first aid kit and flicking the lid open. “whatever.”
you turned on your heel, stomping into the bathroom.
the shirt got thrown into the tub and the tap got tossed all the way on, and as the water crashed into the gray fabric, you took the opportunity to squeeze your eyes shut and breathe deeply.
you opened your eyes a minute later, finding the water dyed a rusty almost-red from blood.
his blood.
you turned off the tap- gently pushed the handle, this time, the fire in your chest now largely extinguished- and made your way back to the living room to find him running a rag over the space below his ribs.
“may i?” you asked softly, stopping a few feet away and holding a hand out to him.
his jaw clenched and relaxed three times in quick succession, but he finally sighed and dropped his shoulders before holding the rag out. “yeah, c'mere.”
you worked in silence, being as gentle as possible. jerking your hand back and mumbling apologies when he hissed.
“s'okay, comes with the territory.”
you pressed the alcohol-soaked towel back against him, and he sighed.
“that was stupid, huh.”
a small laugh escaped you. “it so was.”
“can we…”
“try that again?”
“yeah.”
you pulled back, standing up straight to meet his eyes. “only if i can take the dumb mask off of you.”
“i thought you liked the mask,” he teased, a small smirk tugging at his lips.
“jason.”
he chuckled, wincing again when it jostled his wounds. “ouch. uh, yeah, mask. g'head.”
you gently pulled it from his face, setting it neatly on his other gear before running your thumbs across the line of adhesive it left on his cheekbones. “hi there.”
“hey.” he leaned into your touch, vibrant eyes fluttering halfway shut. “so uh, welcome home.”
“thanks. could’ve done without the gun, though.”
a choking sound tore from his throat, his eyes flying back open. “holy shit, baby, i almost-” he jerked back from you, no regard for his side. “you almost- shit, shit, are you- i’m so sorry, i didn’t-”
“okay, woah, hey-”
“i could have killed you.”
it was a whisper, horrified and harsh, and while it was technically true, his tone teetered on the edge of a dark space you had seen before and really didn’t want him falling back into.
“yeah.”
you desperately searched for the right thing to say, rejecting variations of “but hey, you didn’t actually”, “maybe you should be more careful about waving a gun at people”, and one particularly unhelpful “no shit, sherlock”.
finally, you settled on a quiet, calm “but i’m still right here, okay?”
his hand flew up to cover his mouth, doing absolutely nothing to hide the near panic written on his features. “i could have killed you.”
“okay, so, in the future, we’ll… we’ll uh, we’ll come up with some kind of system for letting you know when i’m home, or something.”
“oh, like a phone?” he asked harshly. “the one i was stupid and sloppy enough to dunk in the harbor?”
“that wasn’t- i’m guessing that you had a lot on your plate.” you waved the cold, bloody towel in your hand at his wounds. it made him curl in on himself slightly, stepping backwards again until his back hit the arm of the couch.
“no excuses. i could have killed you.”
“i-”
“no, i almost shot without saying anything!” he exclaimed, brow furrowed and eyes stormy. “i thought someone had broken in, and i got so- i don’t even know, damn territorial or some stupid shit- that i almost put a bullet between your eyes. i could have-”
“jason!”
he screwed his eyes shut and dropped his head, roughly tugging his fingers through his hair. “i almost-”
“but you didn’t. okay?” every fiber of your being wanted to hold him, to tug him into you and put his hand against your ribs and show him you were okay and breathing, heart still pumping, but he looked enough like a cornered animal that you half expected him to bite you if you tried. “c'mon, jaybird. a life like yours, can you really afford almosts?”
“life like mine, i can’t afford to let anyone close to me. apparently, if the goons and thugs don’t kill you, i will.”
“that’s not-”
“what if i hadn’t said something?” he snapped venomously. “what if i’d lost more blood and was loopy from it? what if i’d come home with a concussion- again- and didn’t think past ‘point and shoot’?”
“jason,” you finally interjected. “you think i haven’t thought about that?”
his eyes, grim and vicious and so full of emotion that you thought you could drown in them, dropped to the floor.
“because it’s not a secret that your life is risky. you’re risky. i know that. but you’re worth every ounce of danger, okay? i’m choosing this, choosing you, knowing full well what i’m getting into, because you’re worth all of it.”
“i’m not worth any of it.”
“that’s not your call to make.”
“it-”
“you think i need you to make my choices for me?”
“no, of course not.”
“you think im stuck here?”
“do you feel like you are?”
“absolutely not.” you inched forward again. “i’m here because i want to be.”
“…i just… i don’t…”
“don’t want me to get hurt?”
he finally looked back up at you, eyes watery and jaw tense. “or worse.”
“i know, baby. i know,” you sighed. “but that’s part of life, right? and if the hurt’s inevitable, i want the rest of my time to be as nice as possible, and you make my life better. make me better.”
“by putting you in danger?”
“it’s gotham, handsome, i’m gonna be in danger either way. at least with you, i know i have someone looking out for me. right?”
“always,” he said immediately.
“okay then.” you took the last step between the two of you slowly, watching for any resistance. meeting none, you brushed your knuckles against his. “i can’t think of anywhere i’d feel safer.”
“you know that’s crazy, right?”
you hummed quietly. “nah.”
“i’m being serious.”
“me too.”
he studied your face silently. you smiled softly at him.
finally, a sigh escaped him and he scooted his hand forward, wrapping his index finger around your own and squeezing gently. “you’re sure you want this? i can set you up with a place downtown for a bit. you’d never have to see me again, never have to worry about… all of this.”
“i’ve never been more sure of anything.” you said it firmly, confidently, letting the words hang in the air for a few moments before popping one eyebrow up playfully. “why, need to make room for a side piece?”
a startled choking sound escaped him. “excuse me?”
“i mean, when you were talking about being busy, it felt kinda suspicious.”
“what is wrong with you?” he asked, exasperation and laughter coating his voice.
“listen, you were being evasive!” his head fell forwards, resting on your shoulder as he laughed.
“i didn’t want you to know i was bleeding all over the place!”
“why, didn’t want me to worry?”
“exactly!”
you reached your free hand up, gently resting it on the back of his head and playing with his hair. “then maybe, just maybe, you should have gotten someone to tell me your phone went for a swim.”
“fair enough.”
you stood quietly for a long time, running your fingers through his hair and enjoying the feeling of his breath against your collar.
“i…” he muttered, pulling back to look in your eyes. “i don’t think- um. i don’t think i’m…” he groaned, gaze darting to the ceiling. “i love you. but the minute you have enough of- of all of this-”
“i won’t.”
“but if you do, i’ll… i’ll understand, okay?”
you squeezed his finger gently. “okay.” you inhaled deeply, dropping the bloody towel you were still clutching and slid your hand forward to hold his completely. “can we get a bandage on that and go to bed, now?”
“….yes please.”
“wait!” you yelled, throwing the first aid kit haphazardly onto the bathroom counter and racing after him into the bedroom, where he whirled around with wide eyes. “i love you too! i never said it back- i love you too.”
“don’t yell like that- i thought something was wrong!”
“me not saying it back is urgently wrong, jason!”