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He wakes to shifting at his side.
Cracking open his eyes is a fruitless effort, but he does so anyway, peeling away his lids to reveal much of the same darkness as before. It's gotta be past midnight- dark as shit, but the sleep he woke from was too deep to be only an hour or two in. He wishes he could judge by dreams; Kuro doesn't dream, not really. Sometimes he remembers smudges of color, snippets of someone's face or the echo of sensation, but usually it's black from night to morning.
Nazuna isn't like him. Nazuna dreams. Nearly every night, Nazuna dreams, and he tosses and turns enough to make his hair a golden tumbleweed on his head when he wakes. Kuro's gotten used to it- he's a sturdy guy, after all, and while he doesn't budge an inch in his sleep, he's not gonna judge Nazuna for it. He's certainly not gonna be annoyed when it wakes him up.
The thing is, sometimes it's important that it wakes him up. Not all the time- sometimes it's just movement, just meaningless kicks of the legs or flings of his arms that don't relate to his dreams at all. But sometimes they aren't like that. Not at all.
Kuro waits, holding his breath, listening for anything else. If it's nothing, Nazuna won't make any sound. He might kick, might even slap Kuro in the face, but he'll be quiet. If it's something, though-
Nazuna's breathing gets harsher.
Ah. So it is something tonight. Kuro reaches out, patting around the bed for Nazuna's hands, and finds one clenched tightly into the bed covers. His hand is like ice- Kuro rubs his thumb into the knuckles to try and warm them. He doesn't turn to look, 'cause Nazuna hates it when he looks, but he can't stop his eyes from flicking over when Nazuna's breathing pitches sharply into a whine, then comes out all in a rush. The hand in the covers flexes in a shudder- he's awake now.
"Ni," Kuro mumbles, tongue still unwieldy with barely-warded sleep. "Nito. Hey."
"Kuro," Nazuna whispers. His hand twists harder into the sheets. He doesn't say anything else.
Kuro waits for a beat, but he's pretty sure Nazuna's not gonna talk on his own. "Bad?" he asks. It's a stupid question. He's got a lot of stupid questions.
More silence. "...Yeah," Nazuna replies, somehow even quieter than before.
"Wanna talk 'bout it?"
"Not really."
"Alright."
It's not alright. Well- it is, but Kuro just- doesn't like it. He doesn't like not knowing what's wrong, and he really doesn't like when Nazuna lets these kinds of things fester. Better to get it over with before he has time to dwell on it, Kuro thinks, but he's not the one with nightmares, and it's not his bed they're sleeping in. He'd be a pretty rude houseguest to probe right now.
Still, though.
"Hey," Nazuna says suddenly, "can you turn around?" His voice sounds too thick. Kuro really, really doesn't like it.
But Nazuna asked him to turn around, so he turns around. Sleeping on his side kind of sucks- it leaves his neck all weird, and laying on his shoulder makes it ache- but Nazuna asked.
"Better?"
"Mm."
Once his back is facing him, he feels Nazuna press his forehead between his shoulder blades, and he pinches his eyes closed as he hears Nazuna take in a shuddering breath.
"I hate this," Nazuna mumbles. "I hate- being like this."
Kuro doesn't know what to say to that. "I know," he settles on.
"I'm supposed to be better."
"Don't think it really works like that."
Nazuna's fists wind into the back of Kuro's shirt. "I know, " he says, and it's rough, too rough, and Kuro really just wants to turn right back around and press Nazuna's face into his chest instead. But he can't do that. Nazuna asked. "I know," he continues, softer. "It just- really, really sucks."
Kuro inhales a shaky breath of his own. "Yeah," he says. "M'sorry."
"No." One of Nazuna's hands slides under his shirt. It winds around to the front, clutching at Kuro's stomach instead, and stays there. "No, you're…" There's a wet spot where Nazuna's eyes are. Kuro tries really, really hard not to notice it. He tries really hard not to turn back around. "You're perfect."
Not even close, is what he wants to say. Nowhere near. Far from it. Certainly not when Kuro's not allowed to say it back.
Maybe Nazuna is counting on that, that Kuro would never say it, but Kuro's not satisfied to leave it at that. So he says, "Hey," and when he doesn't get a response, he curls his hand around the one pressed into his skin. "Nito. Love you."
Another shuddery inhale, another wet exhale. Kuro can't breathe. But then Nazuna says, "Love you," and he thinks that maybe he can.
_______
Morning comes. Kuro hasn't moved, like usual, and his neck and shoulder hurt, like usual. It's as regrettable as it is comforting- as he wakes up with the aches, he also feels the arm wrapped around his middle and the legs entangled in his. Sleeping on his side is a sacrifice, but one he'll gladly take if it means waking up to Nazuna plastered to his back.
The wet spot on his back has dried. That means Nazuna wasn't awake crying all night, so, good news. Doesn't mean he ever got back to sleep, but Kuro can hope.
"Nito," he whispers into the morning silence. No answer.
Well, good. He thinks they could both do with sleeping a little longer. The hand around his waist has relaxed its hold on him, so Kuro takes it, twines the fingers and rubs at the knuckles with his thumb again. It's nice. He'd like to be able to do more. He'd like to see Nazuna's face. But Nazuna…Nazuna asked him-
"Mm. Hey."
Shit. Did he wake him?
"Know you're awake," Nazuna mumbles into his spine. "C'mre."
Here? As in-
The hand in his own begins to tug, and Kuro complies, turning over to face him. Nazuna looks great in the morning light- he looks great all the time, Kuro thinks, but something about the golden morning just does it for him. He's so good. He's so, so good and Kuro is so, so glad to finally look him in the eyes. "Hey," Kuro says, and it comes out as a kind of croak, the kind you can only achieve by being awake a little too early. "You're up."
Nazuna nods. "Sorta," he says. He smiles- it's subdued, a mere flicker of the corners, but it's enough. Realer than a full-toothed one would've been, for sure.
"Gonna go back to sleep?"
"Yeah," Nazuna says, then, "missed you," then presses his face into the crook of Kuro's neck. "Love you."
Kuro closes his eyes. "Yeah," he agrees. "Love you."