Work Text:
Ellie wakes up disoriented and in pain. Her lungs burn like she smoked a whole pack of cigarettes and her chest aches with each inhale. Definitely a broken rib or two in there then.
She tries to figure out where she is without opening her eyes. There’s muffled voices coming from somewhere. She finally registers the consistent beeping from a heart monitor that had blended into the background. Okay, so she’s in the hospital. That’s good, right? That means they must have found the Fireflies. Which was the whole point of this cross-country suicide mission in the first place.
Realistically, this is probably the safest she’s been in months. But there’s a sick feeling in her stomach, something’s wrong. It’s hard for her to place exactly what that something is. Would be a lot easier if she could fucking think straight for more than a few seconds at time. Fuck, did they drug her?
Okay wait, one thing at a time. What’s the last thing she remembers? They finally made it to Salt Lake City, they went into a tunnel that was full of water, Joel was trying to get her across- fuck Joel!
That’s what’s missing. Where the fuck is he? She doesn’t feel his hand in her own. Doesn’t hear his frantic, anxious pacing next to her bed. There’s no screaming down the hall either, which tells her he’s not outside trying to get in.
There’s several possibilities of where he could be. Each one sends a new wave of nausea through her body. Option one, he’s dead. Yup, she almost throws up right then and there. Option two, he’s alive but unconscious somewhere. That one isn’t so bad. As long as he’s up and threatening everyone in a few hours, that’s fine. Option three, he’s here but they’ve separated them for some reason. Oh fuck, she really doesn’t like that one. The only reason they would do that is if they plan to harm her in some way. They know Joel would kill every last one of them before they could even get close enough to touch her. The last option is the one she despises the most, he left her. He took his payment and left, like he was supposed to.
A sob almost breaks free from her chest. Okay, fuck literally all of those options. She can feel the panic building and whatever drugs they gave her are just amplifying it. The heart monitor kicks up because of course it fucking does. She tries to breathe deeply through her nose. She needs to calm down before someone comes to check on her.
Everything’s too fucking much. She feels like a raw nerve, too exposed and vulnerable. This is it, her worst fear come to life. She’s alone, fuck she’s alone. Wherever Joel is, he obviously can’t get to her. He can’t save her this time and at this point, she might not have the will to save herself
The door creaks as someone enters the room. She quickly turns her head the opposite direction and tries to even out her breathing. Heavy footsteps approach her bed. It’s not Joel, she knows what his sound like.
“I know you’re awake, Ellie.”
At the sound of the familiar voice, her eyes instinctively pop open.
“Marlene?” She snaps her head to look at her.
And yup, sure enough, that’s her. She looks a little worse for wear but she’s very much alive. Ellie doesn’t know whether to be relieved or anxious.
A tired smile crosses Marlene’s face. “Yeah kid, it’s me.”
“Where the fuck have you been?” Ellie asks.
“I’ve been here. Took you guys long enough to find us. I was starting to think you were dead.” Marlene chuckles, in a humorless kind of way.
Ellie feels a sharp pang of anger in her stomach. After everything her and Joel went through to get to her, the ease of that statement feels like a slap in the face.
“We thought you were fucking dead! Everywhere we went, there was nobody. It’s not like you gave us any kind of instructions, not even a fucking map!” She yells.
Marlene let out a deep sigh. “I know, everything went to shit pretty fast. You guys must have gone through hell to get here.”
“Pfft, that’s one word for it.” Ellie scoffs.
There’s a heavy silence and then Ellie can’t hold it in anymore.
“Where’s Joel?” She asks shakily.
Marlene gives her a look of pity and sits down on the side of the bed.
“Ellie, I’m sorry but he’s gone. Took some supplies and left a few hours ago.”
And just like that, Ellie knows she’s full of shit. Yes, that thought had occurred to her. Fed by her worst fears and insecurities but having someone say it out loud, she knows it’s not true. Joel would never leave her life in anyone else’s hands, least of all the Fireflies. Joel, who’s spent the last few months laughing at her puns. Joel, who taught her how to shoot a gun while wishing she would never have to. Joel, who has saved her over and over again, in every conceivable way. No, she knows him. She loves him and he loves her too. She might not know anything right now but that, she’s certain of.
She lifts her gaze from where it had strayed and stares right into Marlene’s eyes.
“Where the fuck is he?” She asks again.
Marlene’s face scrunches up with what looks like annoyance. “I just told you, Ellie. He’s gone, I’m sorry. I know you cared about him but-”
“Oh, fuck off.” Ellie interrupts. “I’m not that stupid. I know he didn’t leave so I’m gonna ask you one more time, where is he?”
They’re having some kind of unspoken stare off. Marlene looks frustrated, like she doesn’t know which lie to tell. Ellie’s hands are shaking, her adrenaline finally kicking in. There’s only so many ways they could’ve subdued Joel for this long. They either drugged or killed him. For everybody in this hospital’s sake, it better be drugs. Though her and Joel aren’t related by blood, they share the same capacity for violence.
Just as Marlene opens her mouth to speak, the alarm goes off over the intercom. There he is. Without even thinking, Ellie grabs Marlene’s gun from the holster on her hip. She’s out of the bed and pointing it at her before Marlene even gets a chance to react.
“Ellie, lets talk about this, okay? I’ll tell you everything, I swear. But right now, we need to get you somewhere safe.” Marlene says. She gets up slowly with her hands out in a placating manner.
“Sure, cause you’ve been so honest so far.” She grips the gun tighter.
There’s gunshots down the hall. He’s getting closer, he’s alive and everything’s gonna be fine.
Marlene hears them too. The panic is almost radiating off of her.
“Listen to me, we’ve figured out how to make a cure. Just like we talked about before, remember? But you can’t leave yet, it’s not finished. Please Ellie, we’re so close to ending this. So close to setting things right-” The door opens so hard it nearly flies off the hinges.
Ellie points her gun towards the noise out of instinct and then nearly drops it. Joel stands in the doorway, bloody and bruised but breathing.
Relief floods her body. “Oh fuck man, you scared the shit out of me.”
Joel either doesn’t hear her or is simply too distracted to respond. He’s got his gun pointed at Marlene but his eyes are on Ellie. Scanning her for injuries and seemingly trying to calm himself down.
“Are you okay?” He finally asks.
“I’m pretty sure I’m high as fuck but yeah other than that, I’m peachy.” She says with a manic giggle.
Joel closes his eyes for a second and sighs. “Jesus Christ, kid.”
The giggling only gets worse from there. At this point, she doesn’t know if it really is from the drugs or if she’s having some kind of psychotic break.
“Joel, you know we can’t let you take her.” Marlene interjects.
It brings them both back into the reality of the situation. A rage that Ellie’s never seen before contorts Joel’s features.
“You say that like I would have some kind of problem puttin’ a bullet in you and anyone else that tries to stop me.” He readies his finger on the trigger.
“You can’t shoot your way out of this, Joel. Even with the men you took out, you’re outnumbered. That gun’s only got so many bullets and I know for a fact the one Ellie’s holding only has one.” Marlene tries to reason.
“Never stopped me before.” Joel says.
He’s gonna kill her, Ellie knows he is. She has to think of something else, some other way out of this. As much as she hates to admit it, Marlene’s probably right. They aren’t getting out of here by themselves, not without one of them getting shot.
She takes a deep breath and turns back towards Marlene. “Tell me about this cure, vaccine, or whatever the fuck it is.”
“Ellie-” Joel says like a warning.
“I need to know.” She replies.
It feels like everyone in the room is walking on a tightrope. One slip and the bullets start flying.
“We know why you’re immune.” Marlene finally starts. “We think we can replicate it and develop a vaccine. We just need to perform an extraction surgery to get to it.”
“Tell her the rest.” Joel practically growls.
Marlene closes her eyes and hangs her head slightly. “The surgery will kill you.”
There’s not enough air in this fucking room. Ellie tries to inhale but it’s pushed out too fast. Fuck, fuck everything, fuck all of this. Her hands are pulling at her hair and the giggles from earlier have made a comeback.
“Baby, that’s not gonna happen. I promise you, I’m not ever gonna let that happen.” Joel tries to reach for her.
She dodges him and backs up into the corner of the room. This might actually be the moment she finally loses it.
“Ellie, I know this is a lot but we have to think about everyone-”
“Shut up, both of you.” Ellie orders.
Everything is still again. They’re running out of time, she knows that. More of Marlene’s men will show up any minute and the decision will be taken out of her hands. Shit, that might be preferable, at this point. But Joel won’t leave without her and they’ll have to kill him too. Fuck, this is way too complicated.
Did Marlene know this whole time? Was their friendship just a way to create some sort of false sense of security? She doesn’t have time to ask but she knows it’s gonna haunt her later, if she lives that long.
Is it selfish that a part of her is pissed? She’s only fourteen years old. She’s seen more death than she has life and that fucking sucks. And now that she finally had some hope for the world, she has to die for it to become a reality. She was supposed to live to see it, that had always been the plan. Her and Joel were supposed to get some land so he could raise sheep or whatever the fuck he wanted to do. She was supposed to go back to school. She was supposed to go to the fucking moon, for god’s sake. And if by some miracle Joel lived through this, who’s gonna take care of him? He’s not getting any younger and one day, he’s just gonna run face first into a clicker cause he’s gone completely deaf.
On the other hand, can she live with everything that’s happened? The nightmares that come every night like clockwork. Killing Riley, David reaching for his belt, burying Henry and Sam. If she doesn’t do this, nothing changes. She’ll wake up screaming and live every day knowing that it’ll all keep happening. The rest of her life will be spent killing and trying to survive. Always knowing that she could’ve stopped it. Could’ve made everything right but chose not to.
There’s tears running down her cheeks when she looks up at Joel.
He sniffs and shakes his head. “No, Ellie.”
“Joel-” She starts.
“I said no!” He yells. “You are not fuckin’ dying today. Do you hear me?”
Marlene’s men finally come barreling through the door. They’re heavily armed and already aiming their guns at Joel. Ready to fire on Marlene’s orders.
He looks straight at Marlene. “You might as well order them to kill me right now. If this is really what she wants, fine. There’s nothing I can do about it but I’m not gonna be alive to watch you kill her.”
And all of a sudden, it’s simple. She can barely hear anything over the pounding of blood through her ears and her hands feel like they don’t belong to her anymore but they’re already moving. She raises the gun in her hand and holds it to her temple.
“Ellie, stop!” Marlene screams.
No one moves. Joel looks ready to fly across the room, but they’re holding him back now.
“Baby, put the gun down.” He begs.
She shakes her head. “Marlene, you said this gun had one bullet left? That’s actually kind of poetic, if you think about it.”
Marlene shakes her head in denial.
“I guess whatever you're trying to extract is useless if I’m dead, huh?” She asks.
Again, no response. That’s okay, she already knows the answer.
Joel’s almost hysterical now. “Please put the gun down, Ellie. Please baby girl, please.”
She tries not to look at him. She knows if she sees him crying, she’ll break and it’ll all be over. God, this is so fucking stupid. It’s gotta be in the top ten worst plans she’s ever come up with, but what other choice does she have?
“Here’s what’s gonna happen, you’re gonna let us go.” Ellie orders.
Marlene tries to interrupt but Ellie taps the gun against her temple as a reminder.
“Shut the fuck up and listen. You’re gonna let us go, unharmed. You don’t follow us and you leave us be.” She demands.
“You know I can’t do that.” Marlene responds.
“Well, you’re gonna have to. Otherwise, I pull this trigger and it’s all over. No vaccine or cure until you find someone else who’s immune. Which I’m guessing would be a long wait, considering it took you twenty years to find me.” She reminds her.
“Are you that selfish?” Marlene asks. “You would take your own life rather than making it mean something? Something that could be our last fucking hope.”
“You’re right, I am selfish but I fucking earned it!” She yells. “And I’m not gonna let you take away the only person who actually gave a shit about me. The one person left on this earth that I love! No fuck you, you can’t have that.”
“So what are you suggesting then? If we let you go we’ll never have the vaccine, anyway. You might as well be dead.” Marlene says.
Well, I guess that answers her question from before.
“I’m giving you hope. If you let us go, then you know I’m out there somewhere, alive. That the vaccine is still possible. All you have to do is figure out how to make it without killing me and I’m all yours.” She concedes.
Marlene sighs. “Ellie, that’s not possible. I wish it was but it just isn’t.”
“I’m young, you and your doctors have plenty of time to figure it out.” She puts her finger on the trigger of the gun. “So, what’s it gonna be?”
Marlene’s pissed, that much is clear. Whatever decision she makes, she’s not gonna be happy or nice about it.
Ellie finally finds the strength to look at Joel. He’s not fighting the arms holding him back just yet. He’s staring at her, eyes full of grief and desperation. His body’s tense, ready to fight at a second's notice. If Marlene makes the wrong decision, this is gonna end bloody.
“Let them go.”
Both Joel and Ellie nearly break their necks with how fast they snap to look at her.
“What?” Ellie asks, her finger still ready on the trigger.
“I’m letting you go, just like you asked.” She motions for her men to release Joel.
He’s at Ellie’s side in an instant. Kneeling in front of her, touching her face, and trying to get the gun away from her head. She doesn’t let him.
“You better not try anything.” Ellie warns. “This gun is staying right here until we’re far away from this building and don’t think I won’t fucking do it.”
“I know you will, that’s why I’m letting you go. To save you and the rest of the world from your stubbornness.” Marlene answers.
Ellie nods and tries not to show how bad she’s shaking. “Okay then, good. I want you to go out there, tell your men to stand down, and clear a path for us to leave. I don’t wanna see any of you fuckers on our way out.”
Marlene actually cracks a smile. “Yes, ma’am.”
They start clearing out but before Marlene exits- “Ellie, I really did wish there was another way. We’re fucked and I don’t know what we’re gonna do but I am glad I don’t have to watch you die today.”
Ellie nods numbly in acknowledgment.
“Joel, take care of her.” Marlene orders.
Then, she’s finally gone and it’s just them.
“Holy fuck, it worked.” Ellie practically falls into Joel’s chest.
He pulls the gun out her hand and wraps his arms around her. “Don’t you ever fucking do something like that again. Christ, I nearly had a heart attack.”
He’s crying, they both are but this isn’t the place to do it.
“Joel, give me the gun back. I don’t want them trying something when we walk out of here.” She holds out her hand.
He stares at her and hesitates for far too long.
“Once this hospital is out of sight I swear, I’ll never even look at a gun again but right now this is what we have to do.” She says.
It’s a lie and they both know it but it makes Joel laugh at least. She wipes a few stray tears off his face and he kisses her forehead.
“I’m not done yelling at you about this, just so you know.” He warns before finally handing her the gun.
“You can lecture me on the way home but for now, let’s just get the fuck out of here.”
*
They walk as far away from the hospital as they can before making camp that night. Ellie refuses to lower the gun from her head until she can no longer see the tallest building from the city.
When she finally does, Joel tries to chuck it into a bush.
“They might be following us! It’d also just be stupid to throw away a perfectly good gun!” She argues.
“We have other guns. Plus, if I never see that thing again it’ll still be too soon.” He shakes his head.
They compromise, Ellie gets to keep it until they get back to Wyoming. After that, Joel gets to burn it.
Now, they’re in an abandoned motel eating some old protein bars Joel found. It’s silent, neither one of them knowing how to start the conversation that needs to be had.
Surprisingly, Joel’s the first one to speak up. “Did you have that planned from the beginning or did you come up with it in the moment?”
“In the moment.” She replies.
Joel nods slowly. “Would you have actually done it?”
Ellie looks down. “I don’t know. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to find out and I guess I didn’t. I just knew I couldn’t let them kill you.”
Joel puts his head in his hands and takes a few deep breaths.
“What about you?” She asks. “Would you have really let them kill you if I had agreed to do the surgery?”
“Yes.” He answers, plain and simple.
“I think we’re a little fucked up, man.” She attempts to lighten the mood.
“I think you might be right.” He chuckles.
It’s quiet again but it’s a little lighter this time.
When they eventually get ready for bed, there’s an unspoken agreement. Neither of them would be getting any good sleep that night and they weren’t gonna be more than five feet apart. They both lay down on the same mattress and close their eyes.
“Hey, Ellie?” Joel says.
“Yeah?” She answers.
“That thing you said to Marlene earlier, about the uhm- loving me? I-uh me too.” He stutters.
Ellie giggles. “Don’t hurt yourself there, Joel.”
“Shut up, you little shit. I’m trying to express my emotions and here you are, laughing at me.” He huffs.
She lays her head against his chest. “I know, you’re doing great.”
He pushes her hair back and kisses her forehead for the second time that day. She feels the urge to cry, but refuses to actually do it.
“Joel?”
“Yeah?”
“When we get home, we’re redecorating the fuck out my room. I refuse to sleep underneath posters of teen boys from the early 2000’s. I can feel them watching me.”
That earns a real laugh out of him. “Sure. Whatever you want, sweetheart.”