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The phone rang and rang until an electronic voice told him to leave a message after the sound so he did just that before hanging up again. He let his legs hang over the edge and stared down into the abyss like he had done many times before but this time he found the abyss staring back at him, calling him with its siren song. He closed his eyes and let himself fall…
——
Mickey groaned as he stepped out the building, he was finally off for the day and while he loved working as a mechanic the people he had to deal with on the regular made him want to rip his hair out and go back to being a pimp. He turned his phone back on since he always had it turned off during work hours and checked his messages. There was one missed call by a number that seemed vaguely familiar to him but that he couldn't really place. His phone informed him that the person that had called had left a message so he checked that. Mickey didn't know why he did it as he normally wouldn't care if it was important the person would call him back or text but there was a feeling in his gut that he had to listen to the message.
The first words sent shivers down his spine, “Hey Mickey,” he hadn't heard that voice in so long, not since that fateful day when the redhead had broken up with him standing on the Gallaghers porch. He almost dropped the phone but managed to keep it pressed to his ear. Honestly he should just hang but he was curious what the redhead deemed so important that he called him after nine months out of the blue.
“I know you don’t want to hear from me Mick but you’re the only person on this fucking list, the only person that actually matters, so I had to call you.” Mickey was wrecking his brain trying to figure out what list Ian meant but the next words told him everything he needed to know.
“I know you probably don’t love me anymore and don’t fucking care but I can’t go without saying goodbye. You’d probably force me back to kill me yourself if I didn’t say goodbye.” The chuckle that came through the speaker was a wet one, clearly telling him that Ian was crying. Saying goodbye? Did that mean what Mickey thought it meant? It was clear that that was exactly what Ian was talking about but Mickey just did want to believe that Gallagher was calling him because he was the only person on his fucking suicide list and that he was actually talking about leaving forever. No that couldn’t be it. Ian was so wrong in his assessment that Mickey didn’t love him anymore. He still loved the redhead so much, nine months wasn’t nearly enough time to fall out of love with Ian Clayton Gallagher. Fuck he had to listen again he needed to know what else Firecrotch was saying.
“I’m so sorry Mick, for all the hurt I’ve caused you. I never wanted you to be hurt, I just wanted to protect you. I know that sounds fucking dumb doesn’t it. But I don’t deserve you and you didn’t and still don’t deserve to be shackled to me and my sickness. I know you would have stuck around no matter what and I know that would have led to you resenting me and couldn’t let that happen. I’m sorry for that Mick. I love you still I know I never truly said it but now you know. I hope you knew when we were still together. Well it doesn’t matter now does it? This place is tragically beautiful Mick, so many memories it’s only right that my last are here as well. The abyss is calling me Mick. I don't know if you can hear it but it sounds beautiful. I gotta go. Promise me you won’t completely forget me but please stay happy and live your life. I love you. Goodbye Mick.” The beep of the phone indicated that the message was finished. Fuck that couldn’t be fucking it. Mickey needed to know where Ian was, needed to find him before it was too late, needed to save him. As if he could ever forget that fucking redhead he was under his skin forever, nothing the Milkovich could do about that.
Don’t you think it’s already to fucking late. The evil voice in his head whispered. He couldn’t listen to it. Until he saw Gallaghers dead fucking body with his own fucking eyes it wasn’t to late. He just needed to know where to fucking begin with his search. Then he remembered that while he had deleted the redheaded Gallaghers number he still had the one of his asshole brother. He didn’t know why he had kept it but now he was glad he did.
He clicked on the older Gallagher boy’s contact and hoped his annoying ass would pick up.
“Who is bothering?” Mickey heard Lip asked.
“It’s Mickey and before you start have you seen your brother?”
“What the fuck do you want with my brother. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with him after he broke up with your ass?”
“Fuck you very much but you brother called me because apparently I’m the only fucking person on his suicide list and if we don’t fucking act now the next time you’ll see your brother will be his dead fucking body in a BODYBAG. So have you fucking seen him or know where he could be?”
“Fuck, fuck, fuck… No I have no idea where he is fuck I thought he was finally doing better again.”
“What do you mean?”
“When he got out of this fog he was in when he broke up with you and realised what he had done he was really down and I mean nearly bipolar down but he was taking his meds and everything else seemed fine,” Mickey let out an angry sigh at that, everything fine his ass.
Lip ignored him and just proceeded to talk, “He got a job and seemed better. He wasn’t lively or had any big interests in anything but we thought that was just him trying to get over you. I told him that maybe you could hash it out, that he could apologise. As much as I hate to admit it, you were good for him Milkovich, but he just told me that you didn’t deserve to have to deal with his shit and I didn’t want to push him.”
“Philip Gallagher not being a pushy ass, that's something new. But fuck where the fuck is he? He could be fucking dead at the bottom of a building?”
“I have no fucking idea- FUCK SHIT MOTHERFUCKER FUUUUUUCK.”
“What? What the fuck happened Gallagher?”
“I just found his med stash. He obviously wasn’t taking them.”
“HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT NOTICE THAT HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT NOTICE HE’S NOT TAKING HIS MEDS AND THINKING ABOUT FUCKING KILLING HIMSELF?”
“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW MILKOVICH. I was fucking distracted and I thought Fiona had a handle on things.”
“Distracted by your fancy schmancy university I bet. And you really thought your sister, who not too long ago was in prison because she left coke out that your little brother got into, had a handle on anything?”
“Yeah yeah but that’s not the important thing right now. WE NEED TO FIND IAN. What did he say in the message? Maybe he gave a clue to where he was.”
“He talked about the abyss calling him and being somewhere with a lot of memories so it was fitting, called it tragically beautif- Wait fuck I know where the fuck he is fuck.”
“Well where is he? Mickey? MICKEY? MILKOVICH??” But Mickey didn’t hear him anymore, sprinting towards that old abandoned building, he had often met with Ian. The last time he had been there was when he had beaten up Ian, when the other had tried to goad him into admitting he was gay and in love with Ian, not that he had been wrong back then but there had been no way Mickey could have admitted it, even to himself.
Mickey’s feet thumped against the pavement as he ran towards the old building, he had to dodge people on the sidewalk, like mothers with strollers or just random dudes standing in his way to make him angry. He didn’t stop once the whole 20 minutes that he was running, not even to catch his breath. Once he was at the place where he had beaten Ian up the last time they had been there together he looked around, hoping, praying to not spot a glimpse of red hair laying at the bottom of the crumbling building but no matter where he looked there was no red hair and no Ian to be seen. This had him let out a sigh of relief before another thought set in. Maybe he had been wrong, maybe this hadn’t been the place Ian had meant, with his message. He desperately looked around one more time when he spotted something at the top of the building, the room where Ian had confronted him first. Focusing more closely at it he recognized it as two legs dangling over the edge of the building. This both had him relieved, since Ian obviously had not jumped -yet- and also scared because what if Ian had done something else, had taken something or put a gun to his head.
He sprinted inside the building and up the stairs, at the doorway that led to the room where Ian would be, he stopped. Taking a deep breath he had to psych himself up to actually enter the room, what he would find in there he wasn’t sure of and even less sure of whether he actually wanted to know. There were two possible situations he might find when he entered that room, Ian, who was still the love of his life, might have died by his own hand or, and he hoped that this was what he would actually find, Ian still alive, in a depressive episode but alive. He wrapped his fingers around the stone of the doorway, took another breath and then pushed himself into the room. The red hair was easily spotted and slowly Mickey walked towards the body of the man he still loved. Once he stood next to Ian’s head. The Redhead’s green eyes were close and for a second Mickey was scared to touch him fearing he’d find him cold, the life having left his body. Then Mickey noticed the slight up and down movement of the other man’s chest. Ian was breathing. As not to spook him the dark haired man crouched down next to him, wrapping a hand around his arm, the tattooed FUCK black against the stark white of his knuckles from the tightness of his grip. He felt Ian’s heart thump under his fingers, slow and steady. Turning away from his own hand wrapped around the other’s arm he looked up to Ian’s face resting next to his leg. Green eyes meeting icy blues.
“Ian…” Mickey sighed with relief. But as soon as the relief set in the anger came. As soon as he knew Ian was alive all the emotions that had been suppressed underneath the fear broke out.
“Ian you- YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU- YOU FUCKING DICK.” Mickey had pulled the Redhead into his arms, who let the smaller man manhandle him like a Raggedy Ann doll. “Why the fuck would you this to me, call me and tell me you were gonna kill yourself. Fuck I expected to find your dead body. I even called your dickhead of a brother.
“I’m sorry Mickey.” Those were the first words the MIlkovich had heard from Ian since the day the other had taken his heart and crushed it under his shoe when he had broken up with him. Ian let himself fall against the dark haired Southside thug, his face pressed into his chest, his hands fisting the back of his jacket as he cried, apologising again and again. Mickey just held him all the anger leaving his body as the younger man cried against him, looking so much like the boy Mickey had first fallen in love with way back when he had broken into the Milkovich house to get that gun back. Ian looked up at him with teary eyes and without another second going past, his lips were pressed against Mickey’s. Everything that had been pent up since the day they had seen each other the last time was swirling through them during that kiss, both of them trying to convey the love they held for the other man with it. Once the broke apart Ian stared at the Milkovich, that had changed so much and not at all during the time they hadn’t seen each other, before pressing his face against the others chest again and going back to mumbling apologies.
“Shh… shhh… everything is okay I’m here now. I got you. I got you. Let’s get you home.”
“Don’t wanna go.”
“Why?”
Ian mumbled something against Mickey’s chest, so quietly that the other didn’t understand a word.
“What was that, Mumbles?”
“You’re not there.” Ian mumbled again, this time loud enough for Mickey to hear.
“If I promise to stay, will you come with?” Ian nodded, so Mickey rose from where he was still crouched and then helped Gallagher up too.
Together they made their way towards 2119 N Wallace St. Mickey had his arm slung tightly around Ian as they walked, feeling that if he let him go the Ginger would just disappear. No words were exchanged during their walk to Ian’s home, both too distracted by their own thoughts to talk. There were a lot of things that still had to be talked about but that had time right now they just enjoyed being close to the person they loved so deeply even after nine months. And while there still were so many hurdles in front of the two of them Mickey was convinced that together they would be able to master them. Together they would prevail.
Their past might have been dark but their future would be bright.