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Imagine me, a young man of only fifteen years, learning that I was living my last days on Earth. I had no illness—physical or mental—nor had I committed a crime that had earned me capital punishment. Then imagine me, a young man of only fifteen years, learning that everyone I loved—everyone I knew —was also living with the same countdown clock in their head. Each second was a wasted moment that I— we —would never get back. And yet I was content to spend it as I would any other week. After all, I had lost hope long ago, so this wasn’t that drastic of a shift in my life.
Imagine me coming home to a sobbing brother and silent parents because a close family friend—cousin, maybe, but the details were a bit hazy—decided to die on his own terms, not to something completely out of his control. Imagine my brother falling into the same silence as my parents because the man he loved was dead. Imagine me still going on walks every day and posting on social media and watching my favorite shows.
Imagine us doing it all with a ticking time-bomb hanging over our heads. A metaphorical one, of course. There was no bomb. Instead, there was a planet. A rogue one, right on a collision course with ours. Scientists gave it a name. It was a fancy one, probably in Latin, but us normals gave it a different name—Amarum. It was Latin for bitter—that’s what Google Translate said, at least—and I personally found it quite fitting.
When our imminent destruction was first announced, no one took it seriously. It seemed like such an impossibility. For some time, there was even talk about evacuating to Mars, of all places. That never happened, of course. No, eventually all the entrepreneurs and brilliant scientists and world leaders had to admit it—we were all doomed. Every single one of us.
Then I met her. It was at a park that I never learned the name of. She was standing under a large tree and staring at the sky through its leaves. I didn’t know why at the time. Why would she look at the sky when it contained the very thing that would kill us all? Amarum was large—larger, even, than the Earth. It swallowed up the whole sky, leaving us seeing nothing but its pastel-colored clouds. I remember thinking it was photoshopped when I first saw it. It was just that picturesque. If you went to Google Images and searched up “pretty exoplanet”, you would find one just like it. I know, I tried it.
I remember walking up to her and asking what she was doing. She responded with “Nothing” and continued to do whatever it was she was doing. I don’t remember much of the conversation after that. I don’t remember much of anything that day after that, actually. All I remember is how striking she looked—her hair was as pink as a cherry blossom and her eyes were the color of emeralds. She wore blood-red lipstick that day, and it was the most noticeable thing about her. I remember thinking I should get her number. So I did. She didn’t protest. I remember coming home happy—happier than I had been in a long time.
Then I remember coming home to two people instead of three. My brother didn’t come home that night. He never did. All he had left behind was a note. It was a cryptic one and it was so Itachi that it hurt.
If harmony was a place, then it would be where I’m going.
They never found him.
(Sometimes I would wish that he had taken me with him.)
Imagine me, a young man of only fifteen years, having my first date. It was at a McDonald’s. Every good place had shut down but McDonald's remained. I had the buttermilk crispy tenders and she chowed down on her Big Mac. Looking back on it, we didn’t talk that much, we just ate. We didn’t pay, either. The waiter just shooed us away and told as to live while we could. It was then that I finally learned her name. Sakura Haruno. If that wasn’t the most beautiful thing ever, then I didn’t know what was. We had held hands and walked down the street, intent in keeping the illusion that we were young lovers and that one day, everything would be okay.
(My family has always been good with illusions.)
Finally, I asked her something that I had been wondering since the previous day. “Why are you spending time with me instead of your family?”
She responded, “Why are you spending time here with me instead of your family?”
“My house has been oppressively silent lately.”
“And mine has been much too loud.”
And that was that.
Imagine me, a young man of only fifteen years, going to the cinema three days before the destruction of my planet. It was shut-down, of course, its employees now trying to make the most of the small amount of time they had left. There were no locks on the front doors so Sakura and I snuck in with little incident. She had the grand idea of playing a movie that had been left over. Of course, we didn’t figure out how to do that. Instead, we robbed the popcorn machine, climbed onto the roof, and watched the sky. Amarum was startlingly close and now it overwhelmed not only the sky but also me.
There was a pit of dread in my stomach. I had known that Amarum would kill me for a while, but now it just seemed so close. Three days. The impact was supposed to occur Thursday at around 3 p.m. The only reason my hands weren’t shaking was because I was holding both Sakura’s popcorn bag and my own. She, meanwhile, was pulling up the ladder that we had used to climb onto the roof, just to make sure that it didn’t accidentally fall over and we would be stuck up there.
Finally, she sat down beside me and took her bag. “How old do you think these are?”
“The cinema closed around two weeks ago.”
“Do you think they’ve gone bad?”
“What does it matter? We’re going to die in three days, anyway.”
“Now you sound like my parents. Besides, I don’t want to die suffering from indigestion.”
“You’ll die to Amarum.”
“Yes, but I’ll die with indigestion.”
While I didn’t agree with her words, I could get behind the sentiment. After all, isn’t that how I had been living? Going on and not acting like I was going to die? Not letting the existentialism set in? Living life how it was meant to be lived—not in the fear of death but in the joy and opportunities of life? Yes, that was how I was living. Still, both of us ended up refusing to eat the popcorn. After all, I probably wouldn’t have eaten it if Amarum wasn’t there.
We both stared up at the sky until it was nighttime. The moon and the stars were gone, the Milky Way nothing but a distant memory. As much as I hated it, Amarum was much prettier than our galaxy ever was.
Imagine me, a young man of only fifteen years, figuring out where I wanted to die. It wasn’t at home, I figured that my parents deserved that time alone. I eventually approached Sakura. She smiled. “I’m going to be on the hill on the far side of town.”
“The one with the cemetery?”
“Yes.”
“...oh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“My cousin’s buried there.”
“...I see. We can go someplace else.”
“No, no. I always liked the view, anyway. It’ll just be awkward.”
“Yeah. July twenty-third will definitely be a day to remember...er, never mind.”
Suddenly, a realization hit me. “My birthday,” I whispered. “I’m dying on my birthday.”
Sakura froze. “What?”
“I’m turning sixteen tomorrow.”
“I didn’t know you were fifteen!”
I gave her a wary look. “Don’t tell me you’re twenty-two or something.”
“What-NO! I-I’m sixteen!”
“So you’ll drive us?”
“I...yeah. Yeah. What’s your address?”
As I rattled off my street and house number, I saw her shaking. “Sakura, what’s wrong?”
“I just...it’s your birthday. You shouldn’t have to die on your birthday.”
“I personally think I shouldn’t have to die at all. Not now, at least.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I guess we can’t do much about it, anyway. Hey, what’s your favorite flavor of cake?”
“Why?”
“If you’re dying on your birthday, it might as well be with cake in your stomach.”
“...oh. I like Black Forest.”
“Got it. Any friends you want to invite?”
I honestly could only think of one person. He was blond and bright and he never gave up. Naruto Uzumaki. I had dated him for an awkward two months in middle school, but we had—thanks to a lot of luck and maturity—remained good friends. But...but I hadn’t seen him since school shut down. I had his number but I didn’t know if I should call him.
“I’ll check in with them. Don’t expect a lot of company, though. Or any at all.”
“Okay.”
Later that day, I texted him and asked if he would like to accept my invitation to come, if only for a few minutes. He had responded with this:
Happy early birthday, Sasuke! And I can’t come. I’m sorry! I plan on spending the day with my family.
My response:
Thanks. I don’t know what else to say, but thanks.
He didn’t respond to that one.
Imagine me, a young man of only sixteen years, having cake with a girl I had met five days prior. We weren’t at the hill yet, but I wanted to eat cake and I ended up feeding forkfuls to Sakura as she drove us. We reached the field at around twelve and we set down a blanket. We stayed there in that field on a blanket in the hot and windy conditions. I didn’t know if it was because of Amarum or if it was just the weather being unpredictable, but it was rather pleasant.
We stayed there long after we finished the cake. We stayed there and stared up at the sky for hours. Amarum no longer looked like some faraway planet—it looked like something so close that if I could jump high enough, I’d be able to touch it. It curved toward me in sharp contrast with the sky, which always curved away.
When I finally lowered my eyes to the field we were sitting in, I saw something that I had neglected to notice earlier. There were wildflowers, hundreds of them, and they were beautiful. And when I remembered the cemetery on top of the hill, I got an idea.
“What are you doing?” Sakura asked curiously as I started to gather a bunch of flowers.
“I’m going to pay one last visit to my cousin.”
“Oh...can I come with you?”
I paused to consider. “Sure.” A huge smile bloomed on her face.
“I’ll bring the grandest bouquet in all the land!” she declared and I chuckled. Of course she will.
I trekked up the hill but Sakura ran. She sprinted the whole way up and from the top she teased me for being a slow-poke. And then she turned around. There was a bit of silence before her voice rang out with fear and urgency, “Sasuke, there’s someone up here! I think there’s something wrong with him!”
A paused. “I’m coming!” I quickened my pace and when I got to the top I scanned the cemetery. It was a small one and I could definitely walk around it within a minute—thirty seconds, even. I was easily able to spot Sakura. She was kneeling next to a man who was curled up on his side and-
I froze. I knew that hair. I knew those clothes. The man was lying next to Shisui’s grave. Itachi? I ran over in a panic, dropping my bouquet in the process, but Sakura shushed me. “He’s alive,” she said. “He’s asleep, though.”
I felt something within me sag in relief, but then I took a good look at him. His clothes were soaked through— from the rainstorm last night —and he was slightly shivering. His face was paler than usual and his breaths were shallow. My immediate thought was, How did they not find him? Then, Why did he stay here?
“Sasuke,” Sakura said hesitantly, “do you know this man?”
“He’s my brother.”
“...oh. Do you want to wake him up?”
Yes, I wanted to say. I want to wake him up so I can give him a piece of my mind. I want to ask him what he was thinking sleeping out here. I want to ask him why he left in the first place. Why he left me alone with our silent parents.
(They never found him. I did.)
(I still wish that he had taken me with him.)
But then I saw something else. Despite his soaking wet clothes and paleness...he was smiling. He was calm and comfortable and smiling like he so rarely did those last few days. “No,” I finally said. “I don’t want to wake him up.”
Sakura stares at me blankly then nodded her head. “Okay. Let’s go back down-“
“No.”
“What? Do you...do you want to stay up here?”
“Not here ,” I said, “but, you know, at the edge.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just...just come on.” I lead her to the part where the hill started to slope downwards but was still at the top. “Here,” I said. “Let’s stay here.”
Sakura squinted. “Well, the view is certainly worth it.”
It was. If the view from the field was beautiful, then from up here it was downright gorgeous. It was so picturesque and...and ethereal. The rogue planet looming above a golden field surrounded by foliage. Maybe it’s not harmony, but it’s close enough. “Yeah.” A pause. “Sakura.”
“Yes?”
“On the first day I met you, why were you staring at the sky through that tree?”
“Well, through the leaves it looked like the sky again.”
“Oh.”
“What, was my reasoning not as grand and deep as you wanted it to be?”
“No, it’s just that I’d never thought of that.”
“Hey, you’re thinking about it now.”
“I suppose that’s tr-“ The world suddenly shook and Sakura had to grab my arm so I wouldn’t fall. “Is it already time?”
“I guess. They did say it would be around three, they never said when exactly.”
I spotted the flowers I had dropped on the ground. “I’ll be right back.” When I came back from placing the flowers on Shisui’s grave, Sakura was staring at the horizon.“I think it’s coming.”
“What’s coming?”
“Our doom in the form of a giant wall of fire.”
“...oh.”
“Yeah.” Silence, then, “Well?”
“What?”
“Are you going to hold me or not? That’s usually what guys do in this situation, right?”
“I guess? I’ll, uh, do that.” It was kind of awkward to walk over and try and hug her, but at least she didn’t protest. “How much longer do you think until…” I trailed off.
“Soon, probably.”
“Oh.” I could see a golden-red glow on the horizon. “I’m...er, I’m scared.”
“I think that’s my line.”
“Are you scared?”
“No, but I’m the girl and popular media says that I have to be scared and you have to comfort me.”
“Well, too bad, because I’m too terrified to comfort you.”
“So now it’s my job.” The wall was getting closer.
“No, let’s just stand here.” And closer.
“Okay.” And now I could see it, barrelling towards us. It was moving fast and it would only take a while—thirty seconds maybe—before it arrived. So I hugged her tighter and waited for a while. And when the heat was attacking us and the flames were bathing us in a golden glow, I said something. “Thank you, Sakura.”
“For what?”
“For being you.”
“Oh. You’re welcome.”
“Would it be too soon to say I love you?” Ten seconds, maybe.
“No, I think you’re right on time. I love you, too, Sasuke.”
My vision erupted into bright red and gold, and then nothing. That’s how I died, with Sakura in my arms and my brother close by. I honestly couldn’t think of a better way to go.
I love you.
Somewhere by the end we'll see
Where the moon and water meet
Somewhere close to harmony
When the world is sound asleep
(TheFatRat - Fly Away feat. Anjulie)