Chapter Text
– a new chat has been made –
– [Corey] has invited [Chris] –
[Corey]: christopher
[Chris]: yo
[Chris]: im gonna buy myself a scooter
[Corey]: yo!!!
[Corey]: wait you have money??
[Chris]: ye
[Chris]: and no im not paying you back
[Corey]: why not u owe me like three coffees, a monster, four sandwiches, a hairband, a whole sketchbook of mine which u accidentally binned, a packet of sugar ring donuts, a packet of raspberry jam filled donuts and some peanut M&Ms.
[Chris]: i have a child im buying for and supporting corey
[Corey]: you got preganant???
[Corey]: prrgnant*
[Corey]: gregnant*
[Corey]: fuck it
[Corey]: you had a baby?????
[Chris]: i planted a seed in the ground and watered it and a few days later there was a wholeass child just in the dirt
[Corey]: holy shit!!!
[Chris]: im not even getting money to support my child corey
– [Chris] uploaded [beansprout.png] –
[Corey]: motherfucker thats a sweetcorn
[Chris]: iowa has changed you in ways i dislike
[Chris]: anyway im not paying you because im buying myself a scooter
[Chris]: i have high priorities to put in place that need to be registered first before your grudges against me.
[Corey]: ok richman father fehn
[Corey]: why a scooter tho
[Chris]: because
[Chris]: i also need something to put all my dinosaur stickers on ok??
[Chris]: jim almost cried when i stuck one to his guitar
[Corey]: wow
[Corey]: has he forgiven you?
[Chris]: no. but he fucking better. that was the last triceratops sticker i had and he took it off and didnt talk to me for three days
[Corey]: i think anyone would stop talking to u just from meeting u
[Chris]: corey :(
[Corey]: sorry chrissy I'm joking, ur very sexy
[Corey]: and I'm joking about ur sexiness too, ur very ugly /j
[Chris]: fucking stop and invite everyone else
[Chris]: youre never getting a dino sticker from me, jackass
[Corey]: I'm gonna cry
[Chris]: ill record it and replay it for clown, he'd love that
[Corey]: im divorcing u
[Chris]: aight. calling dibs on our shared venus flytrap
[Corey]: NO
[Corey]: NO
[Corey]: NO
[Corey]: LET ME SEE HIM AT FUCKING WEEKENDS
[Corey]: DO NOT SEPARATE ME FROM LEWIS
[Chris]: lemme think
[Chris]: no
[Corey]: 😡😡
– [Corey] has invited 10 users –
[Corey]: y'all come in here i gotta something say
[Shawn]: is it the speech where you say you've finally learnt that if you shut up, people have a good time?
[Corey]: CLOWN C'MON
[Shawn]: Corey why am I here?
[Corey]: to suffer.
[Shawn]: as I expected
[Sid]: HEYYYYYY COREEEYYYYY
[Corey]: HEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY
[Sid]: HEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
[Corey]: H E E E E E E E E E EEEE E E E E E E E E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y YYYY Y Y YY Y
[Mick]: stop.
[Corey]: hullo big mick
[Sid]: micky t!!!!!
[Mick]: Good evening.
[Paul]: Why hello everyone ☺️
[Joey]: Paulie!!!!!!
[Paul]: Joe!!☺️
[Corey]: the gays are all here
[Jim]: Hey
[Joey]: JIMBERLLLYYYY
[Sid]: JIMMMMMBEERRRRLLLYYYY
[Corey]: JIMMY BOY!!!!!!
[Chris]: jim say sorry to me
[Jim]: I need to apologize? But I didn't do nothing
[Jim]: but I am sorry Chris x
[Chris]: how dare you kiss me on the lips after questioning whether you need to apologize for your crimes and then proceeding to say you did nothing wrong and then proceed to apologize for your criminal activity
[Mick]: You kissed Chris on the lips?
[Mick]: Make sure to get your tetanus shot
[Jim]: Will do
[Chris]: im a single divorced father of an orphaned beansprout and this is how im treated
[Sid]: wait you got a divorce? YOU GOT MARRIED?
[Sid]: WITHOUT TELLING ME? WTF??
[Jim]: Wait you are a father?
[Corey]: discombobulation. total bamboozlement.
[Joey]: the biggest word I know is saxophone 😳
[Shawn]: It's alright Joe
[Shawn]: it seems not all of us have a cranium that works and processes the oh-so very difficult big words that even 4th graders know, and that can be said about yourself sometimes
[Joey]: i-
[Alessandro]: I think he's callin ya dumb joey
[Joey]: NO SHIT SHERLOCK
[Paul]: Alessandro!✨✨
[Alessandro]: Paul!✨✨
[Corey]: how does ALESSANEEO get two emojis
[Paul]: Fellow bass players gotta stick together ☺️🌸
[Alessandro]: What's with misspelling my name, Corey
[Corey]: it's bc ur hair is brown
[Corey]: and u look like a bottle of iced lemon tea. but its warm. and opened. left in the sun.
[Alessandro]: what
[Joey]: where's that drummer guy
[Joey]: come here jay
[Joey]: stop lurking come out n say hello
[Jay]: folks, i'm asexual. Hello.
[Joey]: LMAO
[Shawn]: he's... A plant??
[Corey]: no u dumbass hes asexual
[Corey]: yknow
[Jim]: Asexuality is a sexual orientation. It means that a person who is asexual, or on the spectrum of asexuality, is someone who does not experience (or experiences very little) sexual attraction. Some asexuals are sexually repulsed, whilst some are indifferent and some even participate in sexual acts themselves.
[Jim]: I'm not ace myself, so y'know. This is just what I have picked up on from the internet and Jay himself.
[Corey]: i was gonna say he eats all the fucking garlic bread
[Shawn]: Did you do fuckin homework on it or something, Jim?
[Jim]: No not really ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[Mick]: Peach, professional pathological liar
[Sid]: how did you get that nickname in the first place??
[Jim]: I don't know. People just kinda called me it y'know
[Jim]: It is better than what I got called when I was a kid I guess
[Tortilla]: childhood nicknames. yikes. Don't even remind me lmao
[Corey]: TOOOOOORRRRTTTTIIIIIILLLLLAAAAAAAAA
[Paul]: Tortilla! ☺️
[Tortilla]: ୧(＾ 〰 ＾)୨
[Tortilla]: Thoroughly enjoying my fame
[Chris]: your better watch your crusty-bread nacho cheese dorito lookin ass or im gonna make you a quesadilla and your pronouns will be was/were
[Tortilla]: Jokes on you. You had the opportunity to make a toast joke. And you didn't.
[Sid]: delicioso 😋
[Corey]: thats a shit nickname sid
[Sid]: Your a shit nickname, Corey
[Corey]: what does that even mean??😭😭
[Sid]: it means uh
[Sid]: uhhhhh
[Corey]: cmon im waiting
[Sid]: it means you never had a cool nickname as a kid
[Corey]: 😨😨😨 no way
[Sid]: loser
[Corey]: 😭😭💔💔
[Paul]: what was your nickname,Sid?
[Sid]: alien
[Sid]: martian
[Sid]: yeah that's it
[Sid]: wbu paul
[Paul]: just Paul, really
[Shawn]: I wonder how they ever came up with that nickname
[Paul]: quite easily!
[Corey]: the kids at school used to call me grimey 💔
[Shawn]: I'll be sure to send my thoughts and prayers
---
(Time skip to the next day)
---
[Jim]: People used to call me a tree when I was a kid and they'd put twigs and leaves down my shirt and pants
[Jim]: y'know sometimes I look back and wonder if being educated was really worth it because of everything I used to deal with.
[Jim]: I used to go home with half of the forest shoved into my shirt, or at least it felt like that
[Corey]: lemme just say that i did not expect to see jimborinas entire childhood backstory in the chat today
[Chris]: you alright there jim?
[Jim]: Yesterday you all mentioned nicknames ; I am just reminiscing about the past a bit
[Corey]: reminiscing?
[Shawn]: it's not a type of pasta before you ask
[Corey]: OH FUCK YOU SHAWN
[Shawn]: right back at you❤️
[Jim]: It is just kinda funny y'know, but I wish they were creative or something about it
[Jim]: I mean if you're going to bully someone, you should at least be good at it
[Corey]: like Shawn?
[Shawn]: you can't prove anything that I used to do, Corey Taylor
[Mick]: If I got bullied by people I couldn't fight back against, I'd just pay seniors like 30$ to do it for me
[Corey]: mr micky t got bullied??
[Mick]: Yeah I suppose. I used to be different as a young teen and kid. Everyone knew me as dainty. Y'know. Soft and gentle.
[Jim]: It feels a little weird to imagine you as dainty and soft, Mick /nm
[Sid]: mick you are built like a bulldozer when the FUCK were you dainty
[Mick]: I was dainty. Then I fought God for the rights of a more masculine body
[Shawn]: "I fought God" that translates as something like "I began to cry about it, curled up in bed with a box of chocolates I brought for myself"
[Mick]: I'm not gonna even deny that to be honest.
[Corey]: my man dont u have dignity? or whatever it is?
[Mick]: I lost that dignity ages ago when Sid stole and hacked into my phone. Then they decided to go through my camera roll and search history.
[Corey]: jeez
[Alessandro]: Gremlin moment
[Sid]: YOU HAD IT COMIN. BUT THE IMPORTANT GUY HERE IS ME BECAUSE I'M UNABLE TO LOOK AT CERTAIN THINGS NOW CUZ OF YOU
[Shawn]: That does sound like a bit of a you problem
[Corey]: skill issue
[Jim]: I know shouldn't laugh. I still will do so anyway, but y'know
[Sid]: fuck you, you have no right to laugh at me from what i saw on your Google history
[Jim]: Could we preserve a little bit of my privacy and dignity for once?
[Chris]: the legacy of dignity ended with mick admitting he paid older kids to beat up his bullies
[Mick]: What did you do Chris? Oh yes, that's right, you used to hide in the toilets and once got your leg stuck in the window when running away from the entire fucking football team.
[Chris]: the humiliation ive experienced today should be against the law
[Joey]: Lmaoo I used to sit in the bathroom and cry about my bullies, its not only you chrisso
[Chris]: wait
[Chris]: YOU got bullied?
[Joey]: yuh
[Joey]: I used to get all these assholes who'd call me slurs and egged my house
[Joey]: maybe i was just boybossing harder than they ever could🖤
[Corey]: you should've hired yourself a Craig
[Joey]: nahhhh but I got Mick to beat their asses or whack em with his guitar
[Mick]: A moment I'm proud of
[Mick]: Fuckers had to get fake teeth put in and pull guitar strings out their old teeth
[Alessandro]: they had to WHAT???
[Jay]: that's.... Absolutely terrifying.
[Joey]: they deserved it
[Alessandro]: Good point but if someone misused my bass to HIT someone, I'd scream n sob
[Shawn]: hold on you've just reminded me
[Sid]: shawn has been reminded❗❗❗
[Shawn]: stop talking
[Corey]: a very impossible challenge
[Joey]: you don't wanna hear me talk?? Why not?? did I do something wrong 😿
[Shawn]: shut the fuck up
[Shawn]: where is it
[Jim]: Where is whom?
[Shawn]: Craig
[Shawn]: I need a sense of sanity.
[Craig]:
[Shawn]: good god I've missed you Craig
[Jay]: craig!
[Jim]: Spikey!
[Joey]: 133!!
[Sid]: THE CRAIGMEISTER HAS ENTERED!
[Tortilla]: sup craig
[Alessandro]: How's it going Craig? It feels like ages since we all last heard from ya
[Paul]: welcome Craig☺️🌸
[Chris]: missed you craigers it feels like centuries
[Mick]: Try and escape whilst you can
[Corey]: SHUT THE FUCK UP MICK
[Corey]: hello craig
[Craig]:
[Corey]: really?
[Craig]:
[Sid]: FR?? SHE SAID THAT??
[Jay]: 👀
– [Alessandro] uploaded [surprised_cat.gif] –
[Shawn]: not to interrupt
[Shawn]: but was that this Thursday or last?
[Chris]: wait i heard about this
[Chris]: seriously i needa know rn what happened
[Sid]: WAIT
[Sid]: WAIT
[Sid]: WAIT
[Sid]: lemme pour some tea
[Mick]: Stop interrupting
[Corey]: no stfu let him pour tea
[Sid]: 🫖
[Sid]: its brewing
[Jim]: Could I have a mug? I'd love some tea
[Mick]: Jim don't encourage it
[Sid]: course you can jimmy x
[Sid]: anyone wanna cup o tea?????
[Craig]:
[Sid]: ofc ofc
[Alessandro]: Hell yeah pour some tea
Chris]: pour it directly into my mouth please
[Chris]: fill me up
[Corey]: that's what he said
[Chris]: im gonna take your tea away, bitch
[Corey]: 2nd divorce time you fucker
[Chris]: divorce²
[Jay]: I do love a good tea
[Shawn]: I'm with Jay on this one; a good tea is very good thank you
[Mick]: No.
[Sid]: maybe i dont have your mug for a cup of tea, MICK
[Sid]: I ATE YOUR GLASS MUG AS SOON AS YOU STARTED BEIN SALTY
[Corey]: mmm crunchy crunchy in my mouth
[Sid]: delicious 😩
[Sid]: 🫖 the kettle's boiled anyone else for tea?
[Joey]: you got juice?
[Sid]: i got fruit
[Joey]: what kind of fruit
[Sid]: it's round
[Joey]: you got apples?
[Sid]: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
[Sid]: yeah i got juice of apple fruits for you
[Sid]: bit of appley
[Joey]: apply juice for me?🥺
[Sid]: apply juice for joey!!! 🧃
[Joey]: such an icon Sid 🖤
[Sid]: tortilla im pourin tea do you want some
[Tortilla]: A coffee, thanks
[Sid]: 🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🧃☕
[Jim]: Thank you Sid x
[Corey]: can i get a lil smooch too jim we are homies after all
[Jim]: Uh alright x
[Mick]: Now that everyone is served with their favourite fluids, hydrated and kissed can we please get back to what Craig was saying.
[Joey]: do you require a little kiss as well mick?
[Mick]: No.
[Chris]: jimbo come here mick needs one of your legendary kisses
[Mick]: Don't you have garbage to be rummaging through, you rat
[Jim]: I do not think Mick would like me to give him a kiss
[Mick]: I would hate to receive a kiss from any of you
[Mick]: Half of you forget to brush your teeth sometimes and it's gross.
[Jim]: Are you calling me gross? Is that what you're trying to imply to me? That I'm gross?
[Mick]: Well not necessarily, I just mean the others can be sometimes
[Jim]: I am taking offense. Full offense.
[Mick]: I didn't intend to be offensive and I wasn't talking about everyone
[Jim]: Well I'm hurt at the fact you suggested I'm unclean. I'm not an animal.
[Chris]: Jim "I'm not like the others, I have personal hygiene" Root
[Sid]: I'm quirky and not like other boys because I wash my hands after using the bathroom
[Alessandro]: EUGH WHAT THE FUCK??? SID THAT'S NASTY
[Joey]: he's just recently adjusted to this planets atomsphere guys let alone our customs 🙄
[Corey]: homie i thought the biggest word u knew is saxophone 🤨
[Joey]: i had to ask Jay to help out on this one
[Jay]: yeah he did to be honest with you.
[Corey]: Ah.
[Shawn]: Sid wash your fuckin hands right now
[Shawn]: and y'all stop terrorizing Mick over being kissed
[Corey]: its all cuz he actually wants a kiss from ME
[Corey]: mwah mwah 😘
[Mick]: Stop that. I don't want any kisses.
[Joey]: would you like a pretty flower Mr micky t most beloved
[Mick]: No.
[Joey]: PAUL GET HERE
[Paul]: hello joey hiya sid hey chris 🌸
[Chris]: pauls back
[Paul]: greetings jim howdy craig and shawn 🫂
[Jim]: Hey
[Shawn]: howdy
[Craig]:
[Paul]: good day mick nice to see you corey ✨
[Paul]: hi to alessandro and jay 🌻
[Alessandro]: weba paul
[Tortilla]: what about me? ;w;
[Paul]: and also a big hello to tortilla ☺️
[Tortilla]: love you Paul /platonic
[Paul]: ☺️✨
[Shawn]: ever since this man learnt what an emoji is, he's been an unstoppable force of nature
[Paul]: they add flavours to the chat ✨
[Joey]: don't ever change paulie 🖤
[Joey]: ANYWAY
[Joey]: craigs telling us something but we're getting snacks before they begin and mick wants a flower and we all know your the best for flowers and stuff
[Paul]: 🌺🏵️💮🌼🌸
[Paul]: @[Mick]
[Paul]: I got you a variety ☺️
[Mick]: I don't want them.
[Joey]: its never too late to embrace the fact youve got flowers now
[Mick]: I'm never embracing this. I don't want them and you're all weird.
[Paul]: there's nothing weird about flowers mick you're being a bit silly 🤭
[Chris]: that giglging emoji is probably the most passive aggressive thing ive seen in years
[Chris]: *giggling
[Craig]:
[Sid]: sorry craigers i just wanted to quickly brew some tea lemme shut them all up
[Sid]: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW OR I'M GOING TO SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS THROUGH A MICROPHONE. NOW LET THEM TELL THEIR SIDE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING STORY.
[Joey]: i-
[Sid]: go on Craig :D
[Craig]:
–––
I have no idea what on earth I've written.
Thank you for reading folks, I hope you have a good day ^w^