Archive of Our Own

There’s a beeping around him, fast and steady, begging to be attended to. The beeping is insistent, and it’s not going away, only getting louder and louder. “Evan please-” A voice begs, a familiar voice. “Please, you have to wake up, I can’t lose you too-”

“Evan!” A voice startles him, and Buck quickly looks up, blinking a few times to look at his mother staring at him with a concerned expression. He frowns.

“Mom?” He asks, and Margaret chuckles softly, reaching out and he flinches but the hand still settles on his cheek, gentle and kind. And he can’t help but lean into it, the touch foreign even if he has no clue why that is. She is right there in front of him, staring at him with loving eyes and a hint of concern written on her face.

He knows his mother loves him…. So why does it feel so wrong?

“Did you get lost in your head again?” She chuckles and something settles in his stomach, something heavy. You’re always getting lost in your head. He shakes his head, looking around him and seeing he’s standing in the kitchen, but not any kitchen he recognises. He isn’t in his ….

“I uhm, I think so yeah,” Buck mutters, feeling completely out of place but he can’t understand why. His mother chuckles again, shaking her head.

“You always forget your meds when you’re excited,” She murmurs fondly, reaching past him to grab the oven mitts and slipping them on.

“My meds?” Buck asks, frowning in confusion because he has never taken medicine. Except for that one time when he…. when he got the meds for the…. He stills again, because why can’t he remember what he was taking his meds for? Surely he must know what medicine he must be taking.

But his mind is only coming up empty, and no matter how hard he tries, nothing comes to mind. Why can’t you just listen for once?

And why would he ever take medication for anything? It’s not like he has any reason or ever got injured in his life. Sure a few bumps and bruises but nothing major.

Buck jumps as the oven falls shut with a loud bang, and Margaret sends him a sheepish smile at that. “Sorry, it’s a bit heavier than I expected,” She says, and Buck moves before he realises it, reaching for a spare towel and helping his mom carry the tray towards the counter, setting it down.

“It smells delicious, Evan, you’ve really outdone yourself,” She coos, turning to him and patting his chest. Buck gasps, sharp pain going through his chest, Buck… BUCK, stay with me kid, Evan please. There’s a hand on his forehead, and he blinks quickly. “Are you sure you’re alright, Evan?” His mother asks.

Buck stumbles back, wide eyes looking at his mother. “You don’t feel warm,” She murmurs, frowning in concern and Buck can do nothing but shake his head for a second. “Maybe you should sit down? I can handle it from here,” His mother offers but Buck shakes his head.

“No no, I’m.. I’m alright, I can do it,” Buck mutters absently, brushing past his mother to get to the lasagna he made. It’s the same lasagna that he just learned to make, the one that…. Buck stares down at the lasagna; six types of cheese and cooked to perfection just like he was taught by…..

“It does look good,” A low voice says, and Buck snaps his head up.

“What did you say?” He asks, and his mom turns around, already on her way out of the kitchen.

“I didn’t say anything?” She replies, and Buck looks around, but he can’t find anyone in the kitchen, nobody who it could’ve been.

“Oh I thought I heard something, sorry,” Buck shakes his head again, staring back at the lasagna he made before grabbing it with the oven mitts, walking after his mom out of the kitchen and into the living room.

“It smells absolutely delicious, Evan,” His dad calls out the moment he steps out, and Buck feels himself smiling despite the situation, shaking off the rest of the weirdness. Perhaps he’s just tired, that must be it. “Who knew you would turn out to be the best cook in this family,” He chuckles.

“I don’t think that’s hard considering the cooking we grew up with,” A new voice cuts in, and Buck only now realises Maddie sitting there at the table, almost like she had appeared from thin air. And Buck feels himself freeze at the figure in front of him, Doug sitting next to Maddie and holding her hand.

“He’s right, it smells good, Evan,” Doug smiles brightly, and Buck can barely keep himself from dropping the tray before he sets it down on one of the trivets.

“What?” Buck asks, voice tight. And he’s not entirely sure why the sight of the man leaves him with such a nauseous feeling in his stomach. Doug chuckles softly, glancing at Maddie for a second before nodding.

“The lasagne, it smells good,” Doug clarifies, and Buck forces a chuckle.

“Right, right-” He hastily adds, pulling his chair back and sitting down.

“Are you okay, Evan?” Maddie asks, and Buck groans.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m fine guys,” Buck forces out, and for what it’s worth, his parents do look sheepish at that. Maddie turns back to his parents, seemingly forgetting her concern.

“Before we eat-“ Maddie starts, glancing at Doug with a small smile before turning to his parents. “Mom, dad, we have to tell you something,” She suddenly announces.

“Shouldn’t we wait for someone?” Phillip asks, glancing at the last unfilled spot next to Buck.

“Who?” Buck asks, frowning. Which seems to be the wrong thing to say, and his mom lets out an uneasy chuckle.

“Your other half? Don’t tell me you two are fighting again, ugh,” His mom sighs exasperated, but still there’s a fondness in her voice and on her face that was so foreign to him, so unlike the mother he grew up with.

“We would wait if someone hadn’t spoiled the surprise to him already,” Maddie points out with a look thrown at him, before turning back to their parents. “We’re pregnant!” Maddie smiles brightly, and immediately the room is filled with celebrations, his parents exploding in cheers and rushing over to their daughter.

And Buck just sits there, can only sit there in silence as his parents embrace Maddie with Doug sitting beside her. And it’s wrong, it’s all so wrong but he can’t explain what’s going on, can’t explain what’s wrong right now but all he knows is that Doug shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be sitting in front of him.

A beeping starts, soft but definitely there. Has it always been this hot here? He pulls at his shirt, the expensive material irritating beneath his fingers and a rush of cool air causes goosebumps on his skin.

He shouldn’t be sitting here with his parents either, laughing as if they were a happy family. They shouldn’t be sitting here with Maddie announcing her pregnancy when she was already…. When she wasn’t…

“Do you guys hear that?” Buck swallows thickly, feeling his heart hammer out of his throat. His head turns, hearing the beeping increase rapidly, until he can’t ignore it anymore but nobody seems to hear the beeping sound, doesn’t even seem to be able to hear him, or what he’s saying.

He whimpers, bringing his hands up to his ears but it doesn’t work, the beeping is still there… He quickly looks up as someone knocks on the door, grateful for the distraction.

“I’ll get it,” He announces quickly, standing up and walking over to the door.

“Oh finally he decides to show up,” Maddie laughs behind him, but Buck ignores him, reaching for the door and opening it up. And the figure in front of him is familiar, all too familiar. And he has no idea how but he instantly recognises the figure in front of him. Maybe it’s the eerie similarity to himself.

Maybe it’s the way he looks exactly like the little boy in the picture. Daniel is standing in front of him, alive and breathing when he…

“You should be dead-”

*

*

*

“Hey-” Chim whispers softly, bouncing Jee-Yun in his arms. Maddie looks absolutely distraught, looking back into the room before shutting the door behind her. “Are you okay?” He asks, voice tight and Maddie looks up with tears in her eyes.

“No,” She whispers, immediately stepping into Chim’s embrace, one arm wrapping around her and holding her close. Maddie sobs, unable to stop herself. Jee is quiet in Chim’s arms, almost as if she realises that something is happening but she can’t… she can’t look at her daughter right now.

Because how can she explain that her uncle was currently fighting for his life in the room behind her? And that he might never wake up.

Chim doesn’t say anything, only holding her as Maddie cries, burying her face in his embrace and hiding from the world. Her brother, her little brother was out there, lost and hurt and she can’t do anything about it. Can’t help him like he helped her so many times, and there’s nothing she can do except be there.

But even that’s too much. watching his lifeless face, pale and unmoving as machines forcefully keep him alive. Maddie whimpers, pulling out of the hug and brushing away her tears.

“I’m sorry-” She hiccups, but Chim shakes his head, and he too has tears in his eyes.

“Don’t be,” He says, and Maddie nods softly, looking down at Jee.

“Mommy sad?” She murmurs, reaching out and brushing away one of her tears. Maddie lets out another sob, gently putting her hand on top of her daughter’s.

“I am honey,” Maddie says softly, putting on a smile for her but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and she’s still softly crying. How is she going to explain what is happening to her daughter? She’s barely two years old, and here she was, in the hospital where her uncle was in a coma and might never wake up .

“I tried explaining to her but I don’t think she really understands it,” Chim says equally as soft, and Maddie brushes her tears away before reaching out for her daughter. Chim happily hands her over, shuddering slightly.

“Where’s the rest?” Maddie asks instead, and Jee nestles in her arms.

“Eddie’s cleared, cap’s driving him home now. He needed some stitches in his arm and on his face but he doesn’t have a concussion luckily. And Hen’s getting coffee,” At the mention of Chim’s best friend, Maddie’s face changes slightly. She looks back at the room, almost unable to look at Buck’s still face.

Chim sees the look, stepping forwards and putting a hand on Maddie’s arm.

“I can stay with him, it’s okay,” Chim says, and Maddie looks up at him.

“Am I a bad sister?” She whispers, but Chim shakes his head.

“No you’re not, you’ve been with him for hours now, he would want you to take a break,”

Maddie bites her lip, nuzzling Jee for a second before nodding. “Not long, I promise… thanks Chim,” She whispers, turning back to Buck’s room one last time before tearing her eyes away from him. “I love you,” She adds, and Chim presses a kiss to her forehead, their foreheads touching for a moment.

“I love you too, and he’s gonna be okay,” He kisses her again, tickling Jee for a second and earning him a squeal before Maddie walks away and he walks into the room instead. “Oh Buckaroo, you just had to make it about you,” Chim whispers, walking into the room and closing the door behind him.

The machines keeping Buck alive are hissing around him, almost annoyingly so. Chim ignores it, sitting down next to him and reaching out. He’s silent for a moment, mouth opening but no words coming out. Tears well up in his eyes, and he let’s out a sob, looking down at his lap and grabbing Buck’s hand.

And he’s gonna be okay

“God Buck, don’t make me a liar, not today,”

Buck doesn’t respond.

*

*

*

“You should be dead,” Buck breathes out, taking a step back because this was his brother! Daniel.. Standing right in front of him.

“Oh come on, are you still mad at me for stealing your jacket? You stole my shirt last week,” Daniel laughs, mouth twisting in an all too familiar smile, so much like Maddie. “That reminds me, you forgot these at my apartment, might explain your mood,” Daniel says, digging into his jacket before throwing something at him.

Buck quickly catches the orange pill bottle, frowning as he looks down at it. What the hell is happening? The label reads his name, Evan Buckley and adderall written on it.

“Daniel!” Philip calls out with a bright smile, enveloping him in a hug.

“So have you told them already?” Daniel asks Maddie, and the woman laughs, nodding before wrapping her arms around him as well. Buck can only stand there, watching his brother interact with his family, even hugging Doug with a smile. “I’m gonna be an uncle!” He laughs, clapping Doug on the back.

It should be so comforting. His sister is pregnant. He’s gonna be an uncle and his brother is here, laughing and joking with him. Comfortable enough that mom described him as his other half and carrying his meds. And yet it’s all wrong.

And Buck has had enough, stalking forwards and grabbing Maddie’s wrist. “Can I talk to you?” He asks, pulling Maddie away before she can even answer.

“Buck?” Maddie calls out, but willingly goes with her brother. Buck pushes open the backdoor, stalking into the garden until he’s far enough so nobody can hear them.

“What is happening Maddie?” Buck immediately starts.

“What are you talking about? We had this planned for weeks, you wanted to surprise mom and dad,” Maddie points out.

“No I didn’t Maddie, I didn’t do anything, I don’t even remember doing that!” Buck retorts. “Maddie, why is Doug alive again, and why is Daniel here?” Because that was the whole problem right now, a sudden clarity at seeing his dead brother… Daniel was dead, he wasn’t supposed to be here.

And neither was Doug, not since Maddie had stabbed her ex-husband in the woods almost four years ago.

Maddie laughs softly. “Why wouldn’t he be there?” Her face twists slightly, and she rolls her eyes. “Are you seriously that mad about the jacket he borrowed? He’ll get it back to you. I swear, you two always fight like little kids,” There’s a fondness in her eyes despite her words.

“No Maddie that’s not it, you have to listen to me, something’s very wrong. Doug shouldn’t be alive.” This does seem to affect Maddie, and her face falls a bit as she reaches for her stomach.

“That’s not funny, Evan-” She whispers, shaking her head. Buck swallows thickly, taking a step back.

“No… no it’s not,” Buck murmurs, reaching forwards and pushing Maddie’s sleeves up and swallowing. Her arms are bare, no bruises, no scars, no marks. “No injuries,” Buck whispers, not sure if he should be relieved or not. Maddie reaches out.

And Maddie distorts for a moment, just a second but it’s enough for Buck to spot a blood soaked Maddie, staring at him with tears in her eyes and a spot of blood growing on her abdomen.

“Evan are you alright?” She asks, but Buck shakes his head and takes a step back.

“No, I don’t think I am,” Buck takes another step back. “I’m sorry Maddie, but I have to go.” And before Maddie can stop him, he’s already walking through the house, grabbing the car keys from the table and rushing outside. His jeep is there, parked in the driveway. He quickly gets in, turning on the car and driving off.

The streets of LA aren’t even busy, eerily silent as he drives to the only place he can think of right now. There’s something really wrong with his sister, and not to mention the fact that his brother is alive and well, when he clearly shouldn’t be. And Doug’s also very much alive, and not stabbed to death by his sister.

He quickly swerves his car into the first parking space, shutting off his car and getting out. His phone goes off, and he can see Maddie trying to call him, but he ignores her. Something is clearly wrong, but there’s one person who would believe him.

He runs up the stairs of the apartment complex, running to the all too familiar door and knocking.

“I’m busy!” Chim yells from inside, but Buck knocks again, louder this time. Chim groans from the other side, yanking the door open. “Okay I said I was- Hey!” Buck brushes past him, getting into the apartment.

“Chim I need your help, something’s very wrong with me,” Buck starts, walking over to the kitchen island and leaning against it. He feels his heart hammer in his throat, panting slightly from the exertion and he doesn’t notice the strange way Chim is acting.

“Clearly,” Chim mutters, cautiously, too cautiously.

“I think I’m trapped in some kind of alternate universe… fever dream,” Buck starts, looking up at Chim. “I know how it sounds, but you have to believe-” Buck continues but Chim interrupts him with a frown.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” And Buck’s world comes to a halt, and he stumbles back into the kitchen island. He hisses in pain, whipping his head up to Chimney. “I don’t know what you want from me, but you need to leave-”

“What are you talking about? It’s me, it’s Buck,” Buck tries, but Chim doesn’t recognise him, and he’s met with the same confused expression. No recognition in his eyes.

“Okay Buck, I don’t know who you are but-”

“Yes you do!” Buck shouts, frustration bubbling up. “We’ve known each other for year, we work together,” He tries again, and this does seem to spark some interest.

“Are you a firefighter or something?” He asks.

“Yes! I work with you on the 118. Come on Chim, you have to remember. I introduced you to my sister, don’t you remember her?” And the longer he talks, the more disturbed Chim was looking, almost stepping back. His eyes are darting around the room, as if he is looking for a weapon, a way to defend himself.

“Clearly you believe you know me, why don’t we call someone who can help you?”

“No no, Chim listen to me, we know each other, we work together at the 118,”

“Sorry dude, but I would recognise you if you did, are you sure you have the right house?” Chim asks, and Buck nods.

“Yes I do, call Bobby, he’ll know,”

“Bobby?” Chim asks with a frown. Oh no.

“Our captain?” Buck swallows thickly, begging that this is some kind of elaborate prank.

“I’m the captain of the 118, Bobby has been fired for years now,” And the whole world comes to a halt, and Buck feels his head come to a stop, a loud screech in his head.

“What happened?” Buck whispers, voice tight and almost unable to get the words out. Chim’s expression softens slightly.

“Do you know him?” Chim asks, and Buck nods numbly. Chim sighs, looking down. “He relapsed five years ago, the department let him go when he couldn’t get clean, I haven’t seen him since then. I got promoted to captain a year later,” Chim says, and suddenly everything makes sense.

Every question, everything that happened…. He never became a firefighter, and if he never became a firefighter… he never joined the 118… never met Bobby, Chim, Hen….He never met… Buck whimpers, grabbing his head. No no no, if he never joined… he never… he wouldn’t be there for Bobby.

After the plane he wouldn’t be there for Bobby, he would never be able to help Hen get Bobby clean. He wouldn’t move on from his trauma, and he wouldn’t … the 118 would never become a family.. Maddie would never be safe from Doug… and Chim would never meet Maddie and they would never.

“Oh god-” Buck gasps, the air becoming thinner. They would never… Jee-Yun would never. He gasps again, but he can’t… he can’t get enough air. He brings his hand to his heart, breath stuttering. Chim just stays there, unmoving and it’s absolutely terrifying. And he can’t breathe. There’s no air coming into his lungs.

He chokes, head swirling.

“What’s wrong?” That’s his sister! His sister is there!

“Buck?!” Chim’s voice is panicked, but only his mouth moves, his expression otherwise stoic. And he doesn’t move. Buck looks at him with panicked eyes, gasping for a breath. “Shit!’ The voice is far away, too far away. A chair scrapes over the ground, but nothing moves.

“We need some help in here, he’s not breathing!” He hears, and is he talking about him? What is happening? He gasps again, but no air enters him. He wants to scream for help, but no air comes out, and no sound escapes him. Help… Help please. He gasps, back arching in pain and a searing pain travels down his chest.

His knees crumble under him and he feels himself hit the ground.

“Sir, I need you to give us the room!” Someone screams.

“That’s my brother!” That’s Chim.. Chim is with him. “Buckaroo, please!” Chim shouts but he can’t… he can’t hold on. He lets out one last begging sound before his vision blurs and everything goes dark.

*

*

*

“Oh kid…” Bobby’s voice is soft, broken. Athena grabs his arm, squeezing it softly as they walk into the room. “Why is it always you?” He tries to joke, but it falls flat. His chest is covered with bandages, hiding the lichtenberg scars that would likely fade before he can even get out of the hospital….

If he would ever get out. Bobby slowly gets his arm free, walking over to Buck and grabbing his hand. Buck is cold to the touch, unmoving. And Bobby knows it wasn’t going to work and yet he feels himself desperate for any sort of reaction from Buck. Any sort of recognition that he’s in there somewhere.

Bobby sobs before he can stop himself, letting go of Buck’s hand and hiding his face in his hands. Not his kid… please they can’t take another kid from him. Athena is there instantly, wrapping her arms around him again.

“I can’t lose him, Athena,” Bobby sobs out loud, unable to lift his head. “I can’t lose him… I can’t lose another child,” And Athena stays silent, gathering him up in his arms and staying next to him.

“He’s strong, if anyone’s getting through this it’s our Buckaroo,” Athena says softly, leaning her head against Bobby’s shoulder. Bobby sobs again, wrapping his arms around Athena and wiping away his tears. Buck is still laying there, motionless and almost like he’s already dead.

The only thing assuring Bobby that his kid is still alive is the consistent beeping and the machines keeping him alive.

*

*

*

Buck comes to slowly; voices in the background, talking to each other. There’s a static behind him, almost … no it was a television, someone had turned on the TV in the background. There’s beeping in the background, louder than before, for once like it’s truly there.

“I don’t know Hen, he just walked right in!” Chim’s voice hisses, and Buck groans, scrunching his eyes shut. “Shhh he’s waking up!” Buck groans again, and he winces as light enters his vision, almost causing him to shut his eyes again but he forces them open.

“Hen?” He whispers, looking up at the woman he considers an older sister. Hen looks at him like he’s a patient, devoid of any recognition and he hates it. He shudders, pushing himself off and sitting up. His body still aches slightly, but he’s able to move. He frowns, noticing he’s on a bed… a hospital cot.

He glances around, noticing he’s in a hospital room.

“How do you feel?” She asks, reaching forwards and putting two fingers on his neck. Buck winces, trying to swat them away.

“How are you here?” Buck whispers, because he’s in the hospital even when he was still sitting in Chimney’s old apartment before he passed out but that couldn’t be… Chim moved out! He and his sister moved out of the place months ago, Chim shouldn’t still live there. “What’s happening?” He feels tears in his eyes, because nothing is making sense. This isn’t his reality… he’s not supposed to be here.

“Cap called me,” Hen supplies, and it takes him a moment to realise she’s looking at Chim… Chim the captain. He swallows.

“Are you still with Karen?” He whispers, and Hen’s face twists slightly as she looks at Chim. Chim just shrugs.

“I’m not sure how you know so much about us, but yes, we are back together again,” Hen answers him, and Buck swallows. Again… they were together again, meaning they hadn’t always been.

“Denny?” He needs to know but Hen nods, and he sags. “Nia?” He whispers, and this time Hen’s voice twists with confusion.

“Nia?” She asks, and Buck whimpers, shaking his head. No Nia… they never fostered Nia in this reality… they never became foster parents.

“B-But you’re okay? You and Karen, you’re married?” Buck tries and he gets the same look of disappointment.

“We just got back together, I don’t know why you think we would get married so soon.” And Buck whimpers again, putting his hands on the bed and pushing off, standing up. He stumbles slightly and Chim reaches out for him but he stops him. He reaches for his head, walking to the middle of the room.

This can’t be happening… nothing was making sense to him.

“Buck, why don't you sit down?” Chim tries but Buck shakes his head.

“Don’t you get it Chim? I’m trapped in some alternate reality, one where I never became a firefighter, and I messed everything up-”

“Maybe he’s delusional?” Hen asks softly, but Buck still hears it.

“I’m not! Why would I know so much about your lives if I was?” Buck retorts. “In my time we work together, we’re a family. You and Chim are still paramedics, you’re foster parents with Karen and you’re married, and Chim is dating my sister and they have a daughter named Jee-Yun-”

“My mother’s name,” Chim whispers and Buck nods.

“Exactly! Maddie named her after her. See how would I know that if it wasn’t true?” He asks.

“You could be a stalker,” Chim points out, and Buck groans.

“I’m not! We work together, you, me, Chim…. Uhm, and cap. Bobby is our captain where I’m from. And he’s dating Athena, and-”

“I am?” A new voice cuts in and Buck whirls around to see Bobby in the doorway, looking at him with narrowed eyes.

“Hey cap,” Chim says, and Bobby huffs out a laugh.

“I haven’t been for years, Chimney,” Bobby crosses his arms. “So imagine my surprise when you called me to tell me someone I worked with was asking about me,” Bobby says, and Buck looks at him with wide eyes. Bobby was smaller… thinner than he knows him to be. There’s a significant lack of muscle mass.

But Buck guesses that’s normal considering he’s not a fire captain anymore, let alone a firefighter. There’s a beep in the background, and another.

“Bobby-” Buck starts.

“You wanted to talk, kid?” He asks, and Buck feels himself settle a bit, nodding. Bobby glances at Chim and Hen, and the two are already retreating to other side of the room without needing to be prompted, leaving him alone with Bobby. The man looks back at him. The beeping continues, growing more consistent.

“I don’t remember you from my time as a captain,” Bobby starts. “Chimney told me you thought I was your captain?”

“You are,” Buck blurts out before he can stop himself. He sighs, licking his lips. “I-I know it’s gonna sound crazy but I think I’m in the wrong world, everything is wrong.” Bobby frowns, but Buck isn’t surprised because he knows how crazy it sounds.

“How so?” He asks, walking over to Buck and sitting down on the couch. Buck licks his lips.

“You’re my captain at the 118, with Chim and Hen, there are more but I can’t remember but we’re a family there, and you’re married to Athena-”

“Athena Grant?” Bobby interrupts and Buck nods numbly. “I don’t think she wants anything to do with me after I blew up on her,” Bobby chuckles darkly, shaking his head and bringing his hand up to his elbow to rub at the skin. Buck gasps.

“Bobby-” But Bobby shakes his head, covering the needle marks there.

“Two hundred and five days,” Bobby lists off. “That’s how long I’ve been sober, I’m getting there.” Bobby looks up at him, and Buck sniffs, wiping away his tears.

“I don’t know what to do Bobby, everything’s messed up and I don’t know how to fix it,” Buck whispers, looking down at his hands. “I don’t know what’s happening to me,” He adds, finally looking up at Bobby again.

Bobby reaches out, putting a hand on Buck’s hand. “You do, you know what’s happening,” Bobby tells him, and Buck frowns, backing up slightly. The beeping around him is still continuous, louder this time.

“I-I don’t-” He stammers, looking up. “You’re not really here, are you?” Buck whispers and Bobby shrugs slightly.

“In a sense I am,” He says, and Buck groans, because that explains nothing. Buck takes a shuddering breath, annoyed this time as the beeping intensifies. He glances over at the television, breath hitching as he watches two characters talk to each other on the screen, subtitles below it.

They are speaking Spanish, one of the telenovelas that Ed-

“Oh my god Eddie!” Buck gasps, eyes widening and looking at Bobby. The man watches him cautiously. Not distrusting but cautious, deciphering Buck’s responses.

“Someone you know?” He asks, and Buck nods, not sure even how to describe the man.

“I need to find him,” Buck says, standing up.

“Eddie Diaz?” A soft voice comes from behind, and Buck turns around to see Chim standing there, white as a ghost.

“D-Do you know him?” Buck asks, and Chim swallows thickly, even Hen seems disturbed.

“He was my first probie, although when he joined  he wasn’t really a probie because of his military experience and he was never treated as one,” Chimney starts, glancing at Hen for a moment before turning to Buck.

“Chim, what happened to him?” Buck can barely get the words out, taking a step towards the paramedic… captain.

“There was nothing we could do, one day his wife took his son to the pier and then a tsunami came-” Oh god… oh no please, the tsunami. Chim chokes on a breath. “Eddie was devastated, and he changed… he became cold and distant, and then three years ago-” Chim continues but Buck knows… he knows.

And Chim is talking, but he knows. Because Eddie had told him this story, about how Christopher was the reason he found a way out, to get back to him. And without Christopher…. “Eddie drowned before we could get to him.” Buck closes his eyes, letting the tears slip down his cheeks.

Eddie is dead, Eddie died in that well without Christopher. He sobs, and he feels a hand on his shoulder, squeezing softly.

“I’m sorry kid, you must’ve been very close,” Bobby offers, and Buck nods, wiping away his tears.

“I can’t do this Bobby, everything’s wrong and I don’t know what’s going on,” Buck whispers, breath hitching but Bobby stares at him, shaking his head.

“But you do, Buck,” He says, causing Buck to frown. “You do know what’s going on,” Bobby adds, looking up and Buck does the same. The beeping persists, annoying more than anything else.

“How? I have no clue where I-” Buck starts but stops as the beeping persists, and he looks at Bobby with wide eyes once he finally realises. And he stumbles back. “That’s me, I’m… I’m dreaming,” He chokes out, and suddenly it all makes sense. He brings a hand to his chest, feeling his heart beat with every beep.

He’s in the hospital, why is he in the hospital? He can’t remember, and …. There are flashes, pain going through him and then nothing. Why can’t he remember?

There’s a clicking sound above him, and he looks up, almost expecting to see something but he can only see the ceiling. Still, the clicking sound gets louder, and it’s familiar… too familiar.

“Chris-” Buck gasps, looking at Bobby. The man smiles, squeezing Buck’s shoulder and the look on his face is so familiar…

“Go, find him,” Bobby encourages him, and Buck hesitates for just a second before he’s running out the room.

“Chris?!” Buck shouts, but nobody seems to be responding to him, and he rushes past several nurses, up the stairs and into the corridor. He turns to the right, and then he sees him, Christopher. “Chris-” He gasps, walking into the room but Chris doesn’t look up, doesn’t even seem to be hearing him.

And it’s only then that he notices himself laying there in the bed. He stumbles, unable to tear his eyes away from himself.

“He looks like he’s sleeping,” Chris murmurs, hands folded in his lap almost as if he’s too scared to touch him. But Buck knows him… knows his kid… Chris is scared, he’s afraid even if he’s trying to pretend he’s not.

“Remember what I said, it’s to help him heal and get better,” Eddie explains, looking like he hasn’t slept in days, how long has it been?

“Can he hear us?” Chris asks. Yes! Buck wants to yell but he can’t get himself to do it, only stare at Eddie’s distraught face as he watches his son.

“I’m not sure buddy, but maybe he can, maybe we can help him get back to us?” Eddie suggests, and Chris’ face twists into something.

“H-Hey Buck,” He starts, tears welling up in his eyes and Buck crouches down, looking at Chris. The boy refuses to look up, and for a moment Buck doesn’t even think he’s going to speak at all. “I hate you-” And Buck physically recoils at the words, it’s like a knife to the heart, digging and digging deep into his flesh.

“Chris!” Eddie scolds him, looking horrified but Chris shakes his head.

“No, I hate him!” Chris repeats. “He p-promised he wouldn’t leave me but he is, like mom, he said he w-wouldn’t leave me but he’s not waking up!” Chris yells and Buck …. He can’t do anything but sit there, because he is… he is leaving like Shannon left Christopher and Eddie behind all those years ago.

And he did promise to never leave Christopher.

“Christopher-” Eddie tries, softer this time.

“You promised, Buck! Please wake up, you said you wouldn’t leave me, you promised!” He continues, and Buck feels tears well up. Chris quiets down, not knowing what to say. He tries, tries to get the words out but he quickly gives up, bowing his head and starting to sob. “D-Dad-” He chokes out, and Eddie is there immediately, wrapping his arms around his son.

“He has to wake up, I can’t l-lose him, I can’t lose another parent-” Chris hiccups in Eddie’s arms, and Buck’s eyes widen…. A parent… he can’t lose another parent. Even Eddie seems to hesitate for a moment, before he nods.

“I know Chris, but he’s a fighter okay? Buck will continue to fight to get back to us,” Eddie says and Buck nods.

“He’s right, Chris, I’ll keep on fighting to get back to you, I promise,” Buck says but of course nobody hears him. And he can do nothing but sit there as Chris continues to cry in Eddie’s hold, occasional hiccups but no more words. Chris eventually seems to tire himself out, slumping against Eddie’s chest.

Eddie wordlessly picks Chris up, not caring that the boy was almost getting too big to be carried. Eddie doesn’t care, twisting Chris until he’s resting against Eddie’s chest, eyes closed.

“He’s gonna be okay, bud, he’s fighting for us,” Eddie murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and rocking him softly.

“He tired himself out?” Bobby whispers softly, and Eddie looks up.

“He yelled at Buck, he was angry at him for not waking up,” Eddie murmurs, still cradling Chris’ body. Bobby hums softly, walking into the room and reaching out to Buck’s hand. Buck looks down at his own, but he feels nothing, no touch, no warmth.

“He’s a good kid, but he understands too much about the world,” Bobby says in a soft voice, reaching out and brushing Buck’s curls back. Eddie shudders, nodding.

“He called Buck his dad,” Eddie adds, and this does cause Bobby to look at him. “He said he can’t lose another parent, I know he didn’t really say it but-”

“He did,” Bobby finishes for him, and Eddie shrugs slightly.

“I know I’ve basically been raising him with Buck but I never thought he would feel that way,” Eddie continues, looking down at his son.

“It’s hard not to notice how much he loves him,” Bobby muses, still brushing his hands through Buck’s curls but he can’t feel anything, can’t feel the touch, can’t feel the hand on his either. It’s like he’s completely cut off from his body. “You should get some sleep, Eddie,” Bobby eventually adds.

Eddie sighs, rubbing his eyes but shaking his head. “I’m fine,” he grumbles and Bobby sighs.

“You’ve been here for 2 days, Eddie, he would want you to get some rest-“ Bobby tries.

“I can’t just leave him Bobby, I don’t want him to be alone.” This time Bobby turns to Eddie, taking the seat and putting a hand on his shoulder. The touch feels heavy but in a comforting way.

“He won’t be, everyone is in the lobby waiting for him to wake up. But you haven’t left this hospital once, you need to get some rest, go home with your son,” Bobby continues, and Eddie bites his lip, looking down at Christopher with a conflicted look. Eddie gently carts his hand through his hair, and Chris let’s out a soft sound, blinking his eyes open.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Chris murmurs, and Eddie looks up with an almost panicked expression, looking to Bobby for guidance but the man just gestures back to him. Eddie sighs, turning to Chris and nodding.

“Of course you can, buddy,” And Eddie looks up at Bobby, but he knows the man will be there for Buck until he gets back. And Eddie slumps slightly, readjusting his hold on Chris and Buck blinks as his vision blurs, tears welling up in his eyes and slowly everything fades around him.

*

*

*

He’s swimming, floating somewhere he doesn’t recognise. It’s peaceful yet terrifying at the same time. It’s like his body doesn’t want to feel the fear but logically he knows he’s panicking. He’s nowhere, floating in a world of nothingness.

Voices are around him, beeping, hissing… but nothing comes to mind. And he tries to get to the surface, tries to fight.

He’ll always fight to get back to his family

*

*

*

“Hey Buck-“ Eddie says softly as he walks into the room. “How is he today?” Maddie doesn’t look up for a moment, biting her lip and shaking her head.

“Doctors say his vitals are better but…” The sentence lingers, but Eddie understands nevertheless. Buck is still laying on the bed, eyes closed and unmoving. And still looks like he’s just asleep, chest moving up and down now on his own. They had taken out the tube a little after a day.

Buck was still breathing, but he wasn’t waking up.

Three days, it’s been three days since that day on the ladder and two days and Eddie already doesn’t know how he’s going to survive more of them. And he never realised how much Buck was in his life until he left.

“How’s Chris?” Maddie asks as Eddie sits down next to her.

“He bribed me into another day off,” He mutters, and Maddie hums softly next to him. “I don’t know who he learned it from,” He adds with a frown.

Maddie glances at him. “You do, Eddie, you know who he got it from,” Buck, he learned it from Buck. The man who has been parenting his kid for years now, who came into his life hating him, if only for one shift. The man who kept his son alive in a freaking tsunami and cared for his son when he was shot.

And the same man who’s now on the bed, in a coma and potentially never waking up. Eddie bites his lip to keep the tears at bay.

“He did, didn’t he?” Eddie lets out a bitter laugh, swallowing thickly. “And I can’t even tell him… Maddie… I-” He can’t say it, he can’t get himself to form the words.

“You love him.” But clearly she already knows. Eddie sobs, bowing his head and nodding. “He loves you too, Eddie, my brother has never been really subtle with who he loves,” Maddie chuckles wetly, sniffing. The two have never been too close. Sure Eddie liked Maddie, she’s an amazing person.

She’s Buck’s big sister and Buck was always telling him the best things about her. How she raised him, cared for him, loved him when his parents wouldn’t. During his time at the dispatch last year he hadn’t seen much of her, and he hasn’t interacted a lot with her but they still got along great.

But they had never been close, and still, Maddie moves to wrap her arms around Eddie, and it feels so natural. Eddie lets her, numbly accepting the hug but he can only cry silently, tears streaming down his face.

“What if he never wakes up?” Eddie whispers, and Maddie tenses in the hug, pulling out.

“He will,” And Eddie doesn’t dare to go against her but it’s clear neither of them believe the words Maddie just said. They didn’t know if Buck would wake up, nobody did. Eddie still keeps his hand in Maddie’s, occasionally squeezing but neither of them say anything, breathing softly and watching Buck do the same.

Eventually an hour passes, and Maddie sighs. She squeezes his hand one last time before slipping out.

“I have to get home to Jee, will you be alright?” She asks, and Eddie nods.

“I won’t leave,” Eddie tells him and Maddie smiles softly.

“I know you won’t,” She chuckles, turning to Buck and brushing her hands through his curls again. “You have to wake up soon, little brother, okay? I can’t do this without you.” She leans forwards, kissing Buck’s forehead and reluctantly stepping back. Maddie and Eddie quickly say goodbye to each other, and before Eddie knows it; he’s alone with Buck.

He shudders, leaning forwards and grasping Buck’s hand. It’s cold to the touch and he wants to scream at him, scream like Chris did two days ago, scream at him to wake up but he knows Buck won’t hear it. And even if he does… then he doesn’t want Buck to hear him mad, he doesn’t want Buck to die and his last words being in anger.

Tears slip down his cheeks, and he can’t get himself to wipe them away. They drip down, falling onto Buck’s hand and he squeezes softly, looking up and waiting. He waits for Buck to react, open his eyes, talk, scrunch his nose… anything, but it doesn’t come.

“Chris asked for you again today,” Eddie starts softly, taking another shuddering breath. “He didn’t want to go to school today so I let him stay with Abuela…. I don’t know you managed to get him to school when I was in the hospital but I think he would be here all the time if we let him,” Eddie continues, looking down at their intertwined hands.

He laughs wetly, the sound bitter. “You’ve always been so good with him, and he misses you, so you have to wake up soon,” Eddie continues, letting out another huff. “You know what he has to do for school? A presentation about a career, and he has to interview someone for it to present to the class,”

Eddie falls silent for a moment, trying to get his breathing under control. “He picked a firefighter of course, and I thought he would ask me but he-” Eddie hiccups softly. “He wanted to ask you, he wanted to ask you questions and he wanted to do a presentation about you-”

Buck doesn’t respond, doesn’t react to the story. Eddie sobs, looking down at that.

“You have to wake up Buck, I-I can’t do this without you, I won’t survive-” He gasps, squeezing Buck’s hand tightly. “Please wake up Buck… please Evan,” The name slips out so easily, without thinking about it.

“Evan please, Chris needs you, we all do…. “ He takes a shuddering breath. “I need you.” The words feel painful, barely audible but he can’t say what he needs, I love you Evan. The words get stuck, unable to escape. He falls silent, bowing his head and crying softly, closing his eyes.

Hours pass silently, he has nothing left to say as he waits and waits for Buck to wake up. The nurses come in occasionally and the only time he leaves is to take a bathroom break when they give Buck a sponge bath and change his sheets. Eddie is just grateful that Buck managed to get a private room.

Buck looks a bit better when he gets back, and he gingerly sits down on the chair again, grabbing his hand. He grabs his phone, sending a quick update to the rest of the 118. And he gets a few quick responses, and a private message from Bobby saying he’ll be at the hospital soon after their shift.

Eddie has asked to be put on a different shift in the meantime, so he can be there for Buck when the rest was at work. Maddie couldn’t be there all the time after all.

And then he feels a twitch in his hand, and he almost drops his phone at the surprise. “Buck?” He gasps, looking down at his hand, but he didn’t imagine it, his hand was twitching. He’s immediately up, looking at Buck’s face and seeing his eyes blinking open. Eddie gasps again, hand slipping out and Buck seems to make a small noise in protest.

“Hey hey, don’t worry, I’m here, I’m not leaving Evan, I promise,” Eddie rushes out, reaching for the call button and pressing it. He ignores the beeping noise that comes from it, and he puts his hand on Buck’s cheek. Buck’s eyes find him, tired but definitely aware. “How are you feeling?” He asks.

And Buck’s eyelids are already dropping, a soft hum coming from Buck’s throat but he can’t get more out. Eddie reaches for his hand again, and this time he feels a movement, not even a squeeze, it’s too weak for that. But it’s a movement, and Buck seems to relax at the contact, allowing his eyes to fall shut.

“Buck?” He asks, and Buck shudders slightly beneath the touch, and he looks up as a nurse rushes in. “He woke up, he was responsive,” Eddie quickly explains to him, and the nurse nods, walking over to Buck.

“Mr Buckley, can you hear me?” The nurse asks, and Buck can barely open his eyes, enough for the nurse to see and Buck immediately seems to find Eddie’s again, and a ghost of a smile appears on his face, barely a twitch but Eddie spots it.

“Hey Buck, it’s okay, I’ll stay with you, I promise-” Eddie whispers, giving him permission to go back to sleep, and only then does Buck close his eyes again, face going slack. Eddie gasps, tears jumping in his eyes and leaning back. Because Buck just woke up, he’s going to be okay… And Eddie cries.

*

*

*

It takes 4 hours for Buck to wake up again, and Eddie doesn’t break his promise, refusing to leave the room. He’s glad he just went to the bathroom before but he’s so strung up and yet relieved that he can’t get himself to drink much. He’s alone again, Bobby stepping out to get some coffee and food for both of them, when Buck blinks his eyes open.

“Hey-” Eddie whispers, heart hammering in his throat as he squeezes Buck’s hand. Buck still looks really tired, opening his eyes and focusing on Eddie’s. A small smile appears on Buck’s face, before his face scrunches up.

“Wh’m-I?” Buck mumbles, closing his eyes again, and Eddie huffs out a laugh, bringing his hand up to strike his birthmark before he can stop himself… or think about it too long.

“You’re in the hospital, but you’re okay now, you’re gonna be fine,” Eddie quickly assures him, and Buck hums, nodding softly and releasing a breath. “Chris is going to be so excited to see you, I can have Carla bring him tomorrow, and Bobby will be back in a second, everyone will be so excited to see you awake-” Eddie rambles.

Buck’s eyes flutter open again. “Now?” He mumbles, and for a second Eddie is confused before he realises, I can have Carla bring him tomorrow.

“How about you stay awake for more than a couple of minutes, okay?” Eddie laughs, and Buck hums softly, smiling again.

“Buck?” Bobby’s voice is shaky, standing there with two coffee cups in his hands.

“B’bby-” Buck whines, trying to lift his arm but he can’t get it off the sheets to begin with, but Bobby is there immediately, putting the cups on the chair instead and grabbing Buck’s other hand.

“Oh you scared me, kid,” Bobby whispers, and tears well up in Buck’s eyes. “I thought I was going to lose you this time, that I was going to lose another-” Bobby stops himself but Buck seems to understand.

“I’m’kay-” He’s still slurring his words, eyes dropping but he’s talking, he recognises them. And Bobby lets out a sob, nodding his head and reaching up to cart through Buck’s curls again. Buck closes his eyes, allowing Bobby to help him fall asleep again.

*

*

*

Buck wakes up a couple of more times during the night, every time longer than the last. His head is still hurting from the fall, and the meds are barely enough to make the pain in his chest bearable but the more he wakes up, the longer he can stay awake and the more he can talk and remember.

“Th’re’s jello?” Buck mumbles as he blinks his eyes open, Maddie glances at him with an amused expression, taking another bite of the jello.

“The nurses brought some, remember?” She tells him gently, and Buck’s face scrunches up slightly. “Don’t worry, that’s to be expected,” Maddie quickly assures him. Buck has been forgetting a lot of things lately, and Maddie doesn’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Because he can’t remember the last few times he woke up…

He also can’t remember the accident itself, it’s a blank slate for him. Doctors say it's likely to come back to him, but right now it allows him to focus on healing.

“Share,” Buck huffs, trying to shuffle on the bed to get more comfortable. Maddie stares at him with a raised eyebrow, and Buck grins softly. “Please?” He asks, and Maddie matches the smile.

“Because you ask so nicely,” She says, putting the jello away for a moment to help elevate the bed up a bit.

“I’ll have you know it’s my jello,” Buck whispers as he’s raised a bit more, closing his eyes as his head rushes but he quickly blinks his eyes open again after a little too long, and for a second Maddie expects Buck to have fallen asleep again.

“And I’m graciously sharing it with you-” Maddie laughs, picking up the jello and holding out a spoon to Buck’s face. Buck’s face twists.

“Seriously?” He asks, and Maddie doesn’t relent.

“I’m sorry, are you grabbing this spoon yourself?” She counters, and Buck huffs out a breath, knowing he’s not strong enough to do so. So he opens his mouth, allowing his sister to feed him.

“So you’ll feed Buckaroo here, but not me?” Chim calls out as he walks into the room, just as Maddie digs into the jello again.

“Likes me more,” Buck retorts softly, and a little out of breath but still allowing Maddie to feed him some more jello. He can barely lift himself enough to move to the spoon, something stirring in his stomach at the inability to move but he pushes it down.

“It’s a good thing you don’t remember this next time you wake up,” Chim laughs, sitting down next to Maddie. “How’re you doing Buck?” He asks, and Buck swallows more jello, not caring about being fed at all anymore. He’s just happy to finally get something in his stomach.

“Sore, my chest hurts, a little hard to breathe,” Buck lists off softly, and Chim nods carefully. It’s the same as last time, not that Buck is likely to remember that. “Did someone break my ribs?” He asks suddenly, looking up at Chim, and both Maddie and Chim understand the question all too well.

Chim licks his lips, and even Maddie pauses her feeding.

“We had to give you CPR to get you back, you broke 3 ribs,” Chim explains. I broke a rib, and Eddie broke two more. But Chim doesn’t say it, knowing it’s not changing anything. The first time he told Buck that it ended with a discussion about whether Chim was to blame or not, which only ended because Buck fell asleep and forgot.

Maddie sneaks a hand towards him, grasping Chimney’s hand and squeezing. Chim shudders but sends Maddie a soft smile.

“More jello?” Buck interrupts softly, and Chim looks up to see Buck staring at him with soft eyes, knowing exactly what he’s doing, and Chim is grateful for it.

“Of course-” He quips, taking the jello from Maddie despite the protest from her and scooping up more of the substance. “Open up Buckaroo,” Chim taunts and Buck laughs softly despite the hurt it causes his ribs, opening his mouth and letting Chim feed him. And it’s halfway through the bite that Buck slows down a bit, feeling himself relax more against the pillows.

“Tired?” Maddie laughs softly, reaching out to cart her fingers through his curls and Buck hums under her touch, leaning into it. “Sleep,” Maddie whispers, pressing another kiss to his head and Buck’s hand moves. Maddie immediately grasps it, holding it closely and Buck’s face relaxes, and all too quickly, he’s asleep again.

*

*

*

“Bobby?” Buck asks softly, looking at the man sitting next to him, his laptop open and looking at something on the screen. Maybe the same thing he was doing before the whole accident. Bobby immediately looks up, a small smile of relief crossing his features.

“Hey kid, how do you feel?” Bobby asks, closing the laptop and leaning closer.

“Better, still weak,” Buck frowns, huffing and staring up with a frown. “I think I remembered something,” He adds after that.

“From the accident?” He asks, and Buck shakes his head. His hands slowly travels to his shoulder, where the lightning struck him but he barely ghosts over it, and still he hisses slightly. It’s a reminder of what happened, what happened to him.

“No, not the accident,” Buck says, looking at him. “Did my … did my parents visit?” Bobby’s face falls instantly, looking almost guilty.

“They did at first, when Maddie got here first,” Bobby starts softly, turning more towards Buck.

“They couldn’t stay-” Buck mutters, filling in the blanks, and Bobby can only nod in silence, because yeah, they did. It wasn’t even Chim who had called Maddie, too distraught to think about anything else. It was Josh at dispatch who connected the dots and notified Maddie, who was still at home with Jee and her parents.

Albert had instantly offered to stay and look after Jee, and Maddie drove with her parents to the hospital.

“They left when I told them about the coma, I’m sorry kid,” Bobby tries, but Buck sniffs, shaking hands to his face. He tries to hide himself, hide the tears, and the reaction, but he can’t. Buck sobs, not really sure why he’s sobbing because he knows, he knows they wouldn’t come to him.

But maybe he hoped, maybe he was naive to think that they would come this time. He knows his parents were just acting, shoving aside years of abuse because they wanted a relationship for themselves… because they wanted a granddaughter. And Buck let himself believe that they were trying for him, for both of them. Of course he was stupid to think that.

Bobby stands up, sitting down next to Buck without jostling him too much but Buck doesn’t care, turning to the man and burying his face in his embrace. And Bobby holds him, bringing him closer.

Buck cries, tears streaming down his face and he can’t even remember the accident yet but he knows… he knows that this betrayal hurts more than the actual lightning.

*

*

*

He’s warm the next time he wakes up, and not in a bad way. He stays silent for a moment, trying to figure out what’s going on. He feels relatively fine, the headache is mostly gone, and the ache in his ribs has dulled enough to be bearable. Better than it had been in the last two days since he woke up.

Maybe he’s getting a fever? But no, he doesn’t feel hot himself, it’s something else. Something heavy pressed over him, or rather, against him.

Buck blinks his eyes open, blurry for a moment before they settle on the figure that was laying against him, eyes closed and breathing softly. Buck smiles at the sight, Christopher curled up against him, the blanket Buck was using was also drawn over his shoulder and basically hiding him from the room.

Buck watches silently as the boy continues to breathe next to him, peaceful… without a care in the world. His glasses are sitting next to him on the table, and Chris suddenly looks so much younger than he really is. It’s easy to forget that he’s growing up in front of his eyes, he was so young when he met him.

He isn’t exactly sure how long it has been before Chris seems to shift next to him, scrunching up his nose and huffing out a breath. He opens his eyes, looking up at him.

“Hey Buck,” He whispers.

“Hey buddy,” Buck chuckles. “What are you doing here?” He asks, trying to pull Chris closer and Chris smiles.

“I wanted to surprise you but dad had to go get food, so I stayed,” Christopher explains and Buck nods.

“Well I’m always in for a surprise, especially if it’s you-” Buck laughs softly, reaching out and poking Chris’ side, earning him a giggle.

“Buck s-stooop!” Chris laughs, trying to twist away from Buck’s touch with a smile. Buck laughs as well, trying to poke Chris’ sides again. The two giggle for a moment, Chris still twisting away from Buck but laughing at the same time, and Buck trying to pull him back against his side to torment him.

Eventually Buck tires out, limbs shaking and Chris falls against Buck’s chest again, giggling. Buck wraps his arms around Chris again, reaching out to kiss the top of Chris’ head.

“I really missed you buddy,” Buck whispers, and Chris falls silent, taking a deep breath against Buck. “Hey, what’s up Chris?” Buck asks, nudging Chris slightly.

“I yelled at you Buck,” He whispers, looking up. Buck stays silent for a moment, watching the boy. “I didn’t want to lose you, I was scared-” Chris continues, and Buck’s face softens, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I know you were, Superman, I’m sorry,” Buck whispers. He opens his eyes, staring down at Chris. “Chris, sometimes we feel some emotions that are really intense, and we can’t always deal with those feelings, and when we do, those feelings have to go somewhere, we can sometimes get angry even if we don’t mean it,” Buck starts, taking a deep breath.

“You were feeling a lot, and that’s okay-”

“Because you’re here now?” Chris whispers softly and Buck nods, a lump in his throat.

“I’m here, and I’m not leaving,” Buck whispers back, and Chris nods, twisting his body a bit until his face is hidden in the fabric of Buck’s gown.

“I’m glad you’re back, dad,” Chris whispers, eyes already dropping. And Buck stiffens at the words, eyes widening for a moment before he soften, relaxing into the touch. Dad….. Buck closes his eyes, allowing himself to dose off again.

Dad.

*

*

*

“Can I come in?” Maddie asks softly, glancing at Buck. He looks exhausted today, despite being bound to the hospital bed for days already. It was a bad day, Buck waking up cranky and in pain, body shaking and his chest getting random flashes of agonising pain without any reason at all.

The pain meds are helping a little bit but it still leaves him cranky and pissed off, a foreign thing for Buck.

“I’m not good company,” Buck mutters, staring down at his hands and fiddling with them. Maddie hums in acknowledgement.

“I heard you snapped at Eddie,” Maddie brings up and Buck frowns. “And the nurse who was helping you, that poor man,” Maddie continues, a bit of teasing in her voice.

“Yeah yeah whatever, it’s not like I enjoy needing sponge bathes, or having a catheter stuck up my-” He looks up, stopping the moment he sees who’s with Maddie. “H-Hey-” He stammers, and Maddie smiles, bouncing Jee-Yun in her arms.

“I thought someone could do with a visit from her favourite niece?” Maddie asks, walking over to Buck’s side.

“She’s my only niece,” Buck fires back, trying to reach out for her but Maddie shakes her head, wordlessly sitting her down without his help. Buck’s arms are still shaking slightly, still weak after all these days. Still, he shuffles slightly, hissing in pain but creating enough space for Jee-Yun to safely sit on.

“Buck boo-boo?” Jee asks, almost toppling over but catching herself quickly enough. She crawls over to him, watching him with curious eyes. Buck smiles softly, reaching out to his niece and cradling her close for a moment.

“I got hurt a bit but I’m okay Jee,” Buck smiles, gently poking her sides. Jee giggles, much like Chris had, and Buck feels something bloom in his chest. Maddie also smiles, sitting down on the chair and looking at the two. And she watches as Buck keeps Jee cradled close, never allowing her anywhere close to the edge.

He makes funny faces at her, sticking out his tongue and causing Jee to laugh, she watches as he grabs the remote connected to his bed, adjusting the height of the bed and lifting their side of the bed, and then the end of it. And Jee laughs brightly, giggling as if nothing is wrong right now.

And for a moment, Buck forgets why he’s there, why he’s in the hospital.

Eventually Jee tires herself out, and Buck picks her up with shaking arms. Maddie is immediately alert, but he shakes his head. “I got her-” He groans, carefully lowering her on his chest. He hisses slightly in pain but as soon as she gets settled, the pain ebbs away mostly. She’s light enough to not press on his broken ribs too much, at least not enough to hurt more.

He glances up at his sister, who’s sitting there with tears shining in her eyes but a smile on her face nevertheless.

Buck turns back to his niece, pulling the covers up a bit more to cover Jee’s entire body and she shuffles, finding a more comfortable position with her head on his shoulder, face turned towards him. And he smiles down at her, fondly. He had been so close to losing this, to never seeing his niece again.

And he cradles her close, kissing the top of her head.

*

*

*

“Hey-” Eddie greets softly as he walks into the hospital room, watching Buck sit up on his bed, blinking drowsily.

Buck hums, looking up at him. “Heard you fought with cap,” Buck grins, voice soft and Eddie snorts at that.

“There wasn't much of a fight, he knew you’d be coming home with me,” Eddie fires back quickly. “Athena and Hen have already gone to your loft to get some clothes and other stuff, so don’t worry about that.” Buck frowns for a moment, swallowing thickly at the information. It’s like his brain was still moving slower than normal and it takes him a moment to comprehend everything.

Even normal conversations taking time to process like the words were moving at a snail’s pace in his head.

“-don’t know why I still have my loft, I’m away more times than not,” Buck snorts, glancing down at himself and the hospital gown he’s still wearing.

“And whose fault is that?” Eddie raises, and Buck huffs.

“It’s not like I chose to get injured, I didn’t even do something reckless this time,” He crosses his arms, hissing as his wounds pull again. And Eddie softens slightly, face falling at the reminder that Buck was still in pain and still injured despite how much better he is getting.

“This time,” Eddie counters. “I vaguely recall your stunt with the bike a few months ago-” Eddie shoots back, walking over to Buck’s bed and sitting down. Buck snorts.

“Okay that was my choice, but it was worth it to save Chimney,” Buck admits sheepishly, looking down at his hands. “Besides, I’m glad it was me and not him, Chimney has a family to get back to,” He adds, softer this time. And Eddie sighs disapprovingly.

“Buck-”

“No I know what you’re gonna say Eddie, but it’s okay, I know-” 

“What do you mean you don’t have a family to get back to?” Eddie hisses, and Buck flinches at the sound, shrinking in on himself. “Do we mean nothing to you?” His voice is softer, cracking slightly at the end, and Buck looks up through his eye lashes.

“No Eddie, it’s not… of course you do, you and Christopher are my world but… I know it’s different, I’m not yours a-and that’s okay-”

“It’s not fucking okay, Evan!” Eddie yells, reaching out and grabbing Buck’s hands. Buck’s breath hitches slightly, but he looks up at Eddie, looking into his eyes. “You have a family, the 118 is your family, and Christopher and I are your family-”

Buck snorts at that. “Legal guardian, not family Eddie, donor not dad and all that-” Buck tries to deflect but Eddie shakes his head, squeezing his hand to shut him up. Buck hisses slightly but it doesn’t actually hurt, it’s more a surprise that Eddie would react like this.

“Did you know he called you his dad, and said he couldn’t lose another parent?” Eddie fires back, and tears jump in Buck’s eyes because yes he knows… but…

“He doesn’t mean that Eddie, he was just scared-”

“Yes of losing you!” Eddie bites back, hissing at Buck because why couldn’t he just accept that he’s loved, that people care about you? “He was scared of losing you, we all were. We’ve been at your side for days because we love you. Everyone was a wreck, why is it so hard for you to accept that?!”

Buck falls silent, looking down at his hands again. His vision blurs and for a moment he can’t say anything.

“Why is it so hard to accept that we love you, Buck? You have a family with the 118.. With us,” Eddie adds, softer this time, barely above a whisper. Tears start to leak down Buck’s face and he leans forwards, burying his face in his hands.

“Because I never had this before, and-” Buck’s voice cracks, a sob tearing out of his throat. “I’m scared, I’m so scared of losing you, that I’m going to wake up one day and you’re gone. I can’t… I can't lose you and I’m scared if I accept you that  I have you….I’m going to lose you, that you’re going to leave like everyone did in my life.”

Eddie is silent for a moment, the rest of the room fading away almost as he looks at his best friend… the person he trusts most in this world and the person he loves. And it breaks Eddie’s heart to see him talk about his experiences like this. He knows about his childhood, and had been there when he found out about Daniel.

And he has seen how it broke Buck, to realise he was never actually loved by his parents, to know that all he was was a ploy to save his older brother and to be basically discarded the moment he couldn’t.

Eddie reaches out gently, taking Buck’s hands and prying them from his face. Buck resists for a second, but even if he wanted to, he wasn’t yet strong enough to overpower Eddie. But Eddie is gentle, allowing Buck to move on his own, to let Eddie move his hands away.

Buck blinks, tears streaming down his face and eyes red front he tears. “Buck-” Eddie starts, squeezing his hands. “Evan, you have us. What your parents did… there’s no excuse but I promise you, we’re not leaving you, you’ll always have us. Me, Christopher, Maddie, we’re not leaving-”

“Maddie did,” Buck croaks out, and Eddie nods.

“But she came back, because she loves you, we all do.” Buck bites his lip, sniffing and looking down again before he bursts out in tears, sobs wracking through his body and Eddie does the only thing he can think of. He reaches out, wrapping his arms around Buck’s shoulders and bringing him closer.

Buck goes willingly, going boneless in his arms and falling against his chest. And Buck brings his hands up, twisting in the fabric of Eddie’s shirt and he cries, loud cries wracking through his body.

And Eddie knows Buck isn’t just going to believe him now, he’s been hurt too much, too often to blindly believe him. But he can show him, he can show Buck how loved he is.

*

*

*

It takes them a few more hours before Buck is discharged, or calmed down enough that the rest of the 118 dare to let him go. And Eddie manages to tear Buck away before he starts snapping at his family for hugging him too long, or too tightly. Buck was clearly getting agitated, which wasn’t weird considering the circumstances.

Buck always hates being in the hospital, but now he has been there for over a week, in constant pain and also reeling with the fact that he died. That he was clinically dead for minutes while his family tried to revive him. Clearly he isn’t doing okay, and Eddie can see it in the way he carries himself.

Buck’s muscles are tensed as he sits next to Eddie in the car, driving home… home.

“What’s on your mind?” Eddie asks, and Buck sucks in a breath, still looking out of the window.

“A lot-” Buck mutters, and Eddie isn’t really surprised. So he stays silent, and eventually Buck sighs. “I’m sorry for dying.” Eddie’s heart jumps at the sentence, almost jerking at the steering wheel but stopping himself in time.

“Seriously? You’re apologising for almost dying?” Eddie bites out, and Buck shrugs slightly. Eddie can see the bandages peek out from under the shirt he’s wearing, a stark reminder that Buck was struck by lightning, and died.

“Hen told me about it, I don’t remember everything and obviously I don’t remember what happened after… after I got hit-” He continues, bringing a hand up to his chest to rest on the scars. “She said you got me down, gave me CPR-”

“And broke your ribs in the process,” Eddie mutters darkly, tightening his hands on the steering wheel. Buck chuckles despite the situation.

“Yeah those aren’t fun,” He whispers, pausing for a moment before shaking his head. “But I can live with a few broken ribs. Eddie, you saved me. You saved my life,” Buck fires back, looking at the man next to him.

“You saved mine first,” Eddie whispers back, voice tight.

“We saved each other.” Eddie glances at Buck this time, the two locking eyes for a moment. And he feels so much love for the man next to him, how selfless Buck always is, how much he cares about the people he loves and how he’ll drop everything to save them. As annoying as it can get, he loves Buck for it.

Even if he wants to scream and yell at Buck for saying it’s better that he got hurt instead of Chimney, or that it would have been better if he was the one to get shot two years ago… Or climbing up that crane with an active shooter out there. Eddie wants to shake him until he stop putting his life at risk for others…

And yet he can’t help but love him for it. How selfless he is. And how Buck will always be a better man than he is just for being himself.

Eddie moves, swallowing down his nerves and grabbing Buck’s hand. Buck doesn’t hesitate, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I’m glad you’re alive,” Eddie says, not taking his eyes off the road, not sure he can handle seeing Buck’s face right now. And Buck smiles.

“M glad too,”

It takes them 10 more minutes to get to Eddie’s house and Buck smiles softly as they pull up.

“Chris?” He asks softly.

“Carla’s bringing him after school, we have time,” Eddie says, getting out of the car. Buck huffs out a breath, reaching for his door and opening it. His arms still feel incredibly weak, which the doctors say is to be expected. Still, he’s almost surprised at the way he can’t even seem to hop out of the car, arm twitching.

Eddie seems to recognise what’s wrong, walking over to him and snaking an arm around Buck’s waist.

“Should’ve accepted the wheelchair,” Eddie teases as he helps Buck to the front door, and Buck huffs out a breath, more amused than annoyed.

“This is mortifying enough,” Buck shoots back, panting slightly next to Eddie as he leads him to the couch. Buck groans in pain as he sits down, closing his eyes as some tension bleeds out.

“I’ll get you some painkillers,” Eddie says, and Buck only listens as Eddie walks back to the car to grab the medicine the doctors have given him. He hears Eddie move around the house, grabbing a glass from the cabinet before the sink turns on. “Open up,” Eddie instructs, and Buck blinks his eyes open again.

Eddie is standing there with a glass of water in his hand, and one of the pills in the other, hovering it above Buck’s hand. Buck just opens his mouth instead, and Eddie freezes for a moment, and it even seems that Buck understands the position. Still, Buck doesn’t move and Eddie mentally scolds himself before dropping the pill in Buck’s mouth.

This is definitely not the time for his stupid crush. Eddie coughs to hide his face, handing the glass of water to Buck. He swallows the pill quickly.

“Let me get you some food,” Eddie says as Buck hands him the glass, putting it on the table next to him.

“You’re not cooking I hope?” Buck asks, and Eddie feels some tension bleed out of him as he sends Buck a pointed look.

“I can cook now,” He tries to defend himself. “Besides, Bobby dropped off a batch of chicken soup,” Eddie adds, and Buck relaxes a bit on the spot, nodding. He closes his eyes, allowing Eddie to move through the kitchen and heat up the soup Bobby has brought, likely as a result of stress cooking.

Something that the man frequently did, or maybe the knowledge that Eddie, despite his improvements, clearly wasn’t the best cook in the 118. Buck smiles softly at the memory of Buck and Chris teasing him, keeping his eyes closed for a moment. Eventually Eddie moves back to the living room and Buck blinks his eyes open.

“Careful, it’s hot-” Eddie warns him, handing him the bowl. Buck snickers slightly, because so was the lightning, but he knows it’s too soon. Not when Eddie is still clearly worried, not to mention, Buck is still recovering from everything. “I thought maybe after you can take a shower and then when Chris gets home we just stay out here and watch movies with him?” Eddie suggests.

Buck freezes for a moment, letting the spoon dip back into the bowl and looking up.

“Eddie, I can barely stand,” Buck points out, and Eddie nods despite his heart hammering in his throat.

“I’ll help you, you’ll feel a lot better after the shower,” Eddie tells him, already standing up. It’s a false bravado, Eddie knows this but he doesn’t lie, he knows the feeling of being stuck in the hospital and from his time in Afghanistan, he knows the relief of finally being able to shower again. Buck sighs, but he nods.

“Fine, it’s not like I have any dignity left after I had a catheter stuck in my dick-” He mutters and Eddie snorts at that.

“Like you had any to begin with,” He throws back. “Eat your soup, I’ll be right back,” He says, walking away to the other side of the house. Buck listens softly, hearing the door to Eddie’s room open, not really sure what to make of the fact that he knows the sound Eddie’s door makes specifically.

But he can hear which room it is, and really the thought should scare him but instead he feels a sense of comfort wash over him. So he quietly finishes his soup, until Eddie comes back.

“Ready?” He asks, but even Eddie looked a lot less sure than before. Buck nods wordlessly, swallowing thickly as Eddie wraps his arm around his waist again, helping him up. The painkillers are barely starting to kick up, but it’s already manageable and the pain doesn’t really flare up.

Eddie leads him through the hallway to the bathroom, setting him down on the lid of the toilet. He’s breathing heavily, looking up at Eddie as he grabs a few things like towels and shampoo.

“How are we doing this?” Buck asks softly, and Eddie reaches for something next to the now open shower. Eddie had it renovated during the summer to have a more open plan.

“I bought it for Chris so he can be more independent if he wants,” Eddie explains, unfolding the shower chair and setting it down under the shower head. Buck swallows thickly, nodding.

“He’s getting too old,” Buck croaks, and Eddie smiles fondly.

“My Abuela used to say I was growing too fast as a kid, I never understood that but now I do. I swear that kid grows an inch every night,” Eddie says with a smile, setting up the rest of the shower and turning to Buck. “Alright, let’s get you out of these clothes,” He says, and for a moment neither of them move, Buck blinking up at Eddie with cautious eyes.

And Eddie moves carefully, slotting himself between Buck’s legs and reaching for the zipper on the hoodie Buck was wearing. It would be so easy to just reach for his chin and kiss him, and he wants to… god he wants to kiss those lips but he can’t, not right now.

He carefully zips open the hoodie, already displaying the lichtenberg scars that were hiding beneath it. Buck’s breath hitches slightly as Eddie helps him out of the sleeves, low painful protests slipping from his lips.

But Eddie is careful, gently helping Buck out and freezing, hands hovering over Buck’s scars.

“They don’t hurt to touch,” Buck says, looking up. And Buck doesn’t explicitly say it but Eddie knows what Buck means, and he carefully lets his fingers trace along the red marks. Buck tenses slightly beneath the touch, but he doesn’t pull away, and it doesn’t seem like he’s in pain either.

The marks are already starting to fade, and they’re expected to fade more as the days go by. By the end of the week… they might not even be there anymore. A physical reminder of what happened… gone. And Eddie isn’t sure if he should be glad that it’s going away, because Buck doesn’t deserve any more scars.

His body is already filled with scars, the scars on his leg from the truck bombing, the line on his arm from the tsunami, the fading scar on his throat and so many more that were all before Eddie met Buck. He knows about a few, the scar on his arm from when he broke his arm, the burn on his side that ironically enough wasn’t from firefighting.

But these were all childhood memories that Buck was very cagey about. Some were even from his time in the SEALs when he was still training to join them.

So he doesn’t need more scars, but at the same time it feels wrong to have the scar disappear, to leave no trace of what had happened… how Buck had almost died.

Buck shivers beneath him, and Eddie takes his hand back, shooting him an apologetic look because he knows Buck must be cold. “Okay let’s get your pants,” Eddie swallows thickly, and he refuses to look at Buck’s face as he helps him out of his sweatpants and underwear, leaving him completely naked.

There are large bruises covering Buck’s chest and hips. The bruises on his hips are from the harness, catching him, but the bruises on his chest are from him. Those were his hands on Buck’s chest, cracking the ribs under it. Eddie shakes his head slightly, knowing he doesn’t have time to think about it now.

He carefully helps Buck over to the shower chair, helping him down. He shrugs off his own shirt quickly, turning on the showerhead. Buck jolts slightly on the chair but he quickly seems to relax as the warm water washes over him.

“Fuck that feels good,” Buck curses, tilting his head forwards for a moment and breathing heavily. “Those sponge baths were shit by the way, never doing that again,” And Eddie feels himself laugh softly at that.

“I’m glad I was able to stand and shower in the hospital,” He chuckles, grabbing the shampoo bottle. “Tilt your head back,” He instructs, and Buck does so. And Eddie carefully starts to shampoo his hair, massaging his skull and Buck closes his eyes in bliss, drifting off slightly.

He recognises the smell of the shampoo, it’s his own shampoo that he loves using. And Eddie even starts applying conditioner. Buck can’t even remember when he left them at Eddie’s home, but he’s not surprised that they’re still there, he has taken showers at Eddie’s home plenty of times before.

Eddie eventually starts cleaning the rest of his body, carefully avoiding the scars and bruising to prevent hurting Buck more, and Buck blinks heavily as the water is turned off and Eddie wraps a towel around him.

“You still with me, Buck?” Eddie asks, crouching in front of Buck with a hand on his shoulder, his uninjured one. Buck nods softly and Eddie chuckles. “Let’s get you dried off-” Eddie carefully manages to dry off Buck, being mindful around the new and fading scars and the bruises to avoid him any more pain before helping him over to the bedroom.

“Hoodie?” Eddie asks as Buck’s sitting on his bed, already blinking drowsily. “Buck?” Eddie presses and Buck blinks again, not looking up. Eddie grabs one of his hoodies instead, a similar one Buck wore in the hospital and one that has a zipper in the front. He walks over to Buck, reaching out and tipping his chin up. Buck seems to focus on him.

“Sorry-” He mutters, and Eddie shakes his head.

“Don’t be,” Eddie fires back, holding up the hoodie and reaching for one of his arms. Buck lets him, trusting him completely and Eddie carefully puts his arms through the sleeves, avoiding any additional pain. And it’s not until Eddie’s slowly zipping the hoodie closed that he comes face to face with the younger firefighter, and his breath hitches.

Eddie stares at the man in front of him, feeling his breath on his face with every exhale. And he’s too scared to breathe almost, scared to make a sound. Buck’s blue eyes are staring right back, a mesmerised look on his face and for a moment his eyes flicker down to his lips but surely Eddie must be imagining it.

And he tries to breathe, the air getting trapped in his throat but he can’t move, can’t avert his eyes even to take a proper breath.

Buck moves first, moving forwards and Eddie doesn’t stop him, tilting his head slightly until their lips are almost touching. There’s barely space between them, and Eddie can almost feel Buck’s heart hammering in his chest, or maybe that’s just his own beating heart, deafening in the otherwise silent room.

Buck’s breath hitches. “Eddie-” His voice is low, breathy even. And Eddie almost lost this, he could have lost Buck to that lightning. So he moves, maybe it’s a moment of weakness, maybe it’s not wanting to wait any longer but he gently presses his lips against Buck’s, finally kissing him.

Buck tilts his head up more, reciprocating the kiss and Eddie’s too afraid to move in, or move away. All there is is this moment, Buck’s lips against his own. And for a moment that’s enough for Eddie, just having Buck there, but then Buck’s face twists in pain, grimacing despite how gentle Eddie is being.

Eddie pulls away, and Buck whines at the loss, blinking his eyes open and looking at Eddie.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispers, and Buck frowns.

“I’m fine Eddie, I’m-” He stops himself, licking his lips and Eddie wants to move forwards again, kiss him, hold him close and never let go. “You feel the same?” And Buck looks so innocent, almost surprised that someone can love him. And Eddie puts a hand on his cheek, the touch warm beneath his hand.

Buck leans in, and Eddie nods. “I thought it was obvious, your sister definitely knew,” Eddie chuckles, and Buck groans at that. Not out of pain this time, but embarrassment.

“Forget the catheter, that’s the most mortifying thing that happened to me this week-” Buck groans, hiding his face in his hands. And Eddie feels himself laugh, leaning his forehead against Buck’s.

“You’re an idiot,” He breathes out, and Buck smiles.

“An idiot you want to kiss?” Buck almost dares and Eddie rolls his eyes.

“After you’re healed, we should talk about this first but not with those pain meds in you,”

“Oh come on,” Buck whines, opening his eyes again to watch Eddie’s. “It’s not like they make me loopy or anything, I’m here in sound mind and body-”

“A still recovering body, and I can see how tired you are, you’re ready to fall asleep,” Eddie’s eyes flicker down. “And you’re still not wearing pants,” He adds and Buck huffs, waving him away.

“I had a nurse pull a tube out of my dick, at this point I don’t care anymore,” Buck murmurs, and Eddie can’t help but smile fondly at him.

“Pants first, Carla should be here any moment, we’ll talk later when you’re rested, okay?” Eddie suggest, and Buck actually pouts at that but he allows Eddie to continue dressing him. It takes them 10 more minutes to settle Buck back on the couch, wearing pants and wrapped up in a blanket with pillows propping him up. And it takes Carla and Chris 5 more minutes to get home.

“Buck!” Chris immediately spots him of course, using his crutches to get to Buck.

“Hey Chris!” Buck smiles, reaching out his arms and wrapping the boy up in a hug. Chris buries his face in the hug.

“I missed you-” Chris mumbles, and Carla smiles, turning to Eddie.

“How is our Buckaroo?” Carla asks, guiding him to the kitchen quickly to talk. Eddie sighs, leaning back against the counter.

“He’s doing better, the medicine is helping but I know he’s still in pain, and he’s going to need some time to recover,”

“And you helped him shower?” Carla fires back, and Eddie huffs, because of course Carla knows about it.

“We used the shower chair we bought for Chris.” Eddie’s not even sure if it’s supposed to be a justification or an excuse, but Carla just smiles at him, an knowing smile that tells Eddie enough. She knows.

“That boy trusts you with his life Eddie, and no offence to the nurses but he needed a shower,” Carla quips and Eddie laughs.

“Do you want to stay? I’m sure he’ll love your company,” Eddie offers, but Carla chuckles, shaking her head.

“I’ll visit him, but something tells me he isn’t up for company right now,” Carla says, gesturing back to the living room to see Chris already cuddled up to Buck, arms wrapped around him and looking up at Buck who is breathing heavily, eyes closed and clearly asleep on the couch.

Carla pats his shoulder with a smile on her face. “I’ll leave you three alone, take care of him alright?” Carla says, walking away but stopping at the kitchen door. “And I’m happy for you too, about time one of you made a move.” And she’s gone before Eddie can respond, or even confirm it.

Not like Carla needs the confirmation, she clearly already figured it out. He shakes his head, huffing out a laugh. He kicks off from the counter, walking back into the living room.

“Hey buddy,” Eddie calls out softly, and Chris opens his eyes.

“He’s sleeping,” Chris murmurs, equally as soft. But Buck doesn’t even stir at the noise, and Eddie knows the pain killers must’ve finally kicked in. There’s no pain on Buck’s face, no discomfort or anything.

And for a moment panic kicks in, because he’s as still as he was in the hospital, unmoving and no sign of life. Eddie feels himself reaching out, grabbing Buck’s wrist and putting his fingers on his pulse. His heartbeat is strong beneath his fingers, and he relaxes, taking a shuddering breath.

Chris seems to watch him, eyes travelling back and forth between his hand and Eddie. “He’s gonna be okay, dad, we’re gonna watch over him,” Chris murmurs, and Eddie laughs, nodding. He reaches out, ruffling Chris hair before they find themselves carting through Buck’s curls, brushing the still slightly damp hair back.

He always looks so much younger if he doesn’t gel his hair back, and secretly Eddie loves it when Buck forgets it. But it’s not really a high bar, he loves everything about Buck, even the parts he hates. Eddie bites his lip, shaking his head, because that’s an issue for another day… for now he’s just glad that Buck’s here and alive.

And for a moment he doesn’t think about the kiss, doesn’t think about the fact that Buck felt the same way because he could live without that, he could live without Buck’s love. It would hurt but he would survive. What he can’t do is live without Buck, so he focuses on the fact the he doesn’t have to. He’s alive, and that’s all that matters.

He gets more comfortable, but he can’t let go of Buck’s wrist, needing to feel the beat under his fingers to make sure he’s alive. Chris seems content with that, taking off his glasses and closing his eyes. He nuzzles against Buck, finding a comfortable position and going back to sleep as well.

And Eddie stays there, watching over the two most important people in his life, and he continues feeling the beat of Buck’s heart beneath him, reassuring that he’s still alive.