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Harlan waited until Garrett and Luna were asleep before he snuck into Garrett’s office.
His father had gotten home hours ago, but now he had an agenda.
Earlier, Harlan had caught a glimpse of his father hurriedly throwing something into one of his drawers and locking it before he could see what it was. Another secret, he supposed.
He had no more time for fucking secrets.
It was easy getting into the office, keeping the lights off and closing the door behind him. The hard part was picking the lock to the drawer if he couldn’t find the key.
With silent precision, honing his hearing in on the two sleeping upstairs in case one of them came down, he got to work searching for the key. He lifted papers, files, opened books, looked through unlocked drawers and found nothing.
Feeling somewhat defeated, he took a step back on the rug beneath the desk and felt a lump of something under his foot. He bent down hastily, lifting the rug up and what do you know, there it was. The key.
“Fuck yeah,” Harlan whispered, praising himself for finding it, even though it really was just pure luck.
He sat down on the chair and unlocked the drawer. He paused for a moment after hearing Garrett let out a concerning cough from his bedroom. He still had that cough, even weeks later. He needed to move quickly before he got caught.
The only thing in the drawer aside from his father’s hand gun, was a tape recorder.
“What?” Harlan frowned, feeling rather disappointed with his find, but the curiosity was creeping in. Why had Garrett locked away a tape recorder?
Harlan picked up the device and studied the buttons for a moment, trying to figure out how it all worked. He found the right button and pressed play, waiting with bated breath on what secrets Garrett had stored on here.
Sounds of the fire crackled through the recorder along with heavy breathing for a moment and Harlan sat up a bit straighter. This was from when he was trapped in the fires.
‘This is Garrett Briggs,’ his father wheezed a little, evidently out of breath as the smoke filled his lungs. ‘I’m a Los Angeles Park Ranger. This is a message for my kids, Harlan and Luna.’
Harlan pressed pause, stunned into silence, staring at the device. Garrett had left them a message? Did he really think he was going to die?
“Come on Harlan,” he muttered to himself, shoving his feelings down and pressing play again.
‘Hey guys, I don’t know if I’m gonna make it out of here…and if I don't…’ his father’s words were labored and all Harlan could think of, was that whilst he was out there fighting for his life, Harlan was hooking up with some random man at a party.
He was disgusted with himself.
‘I want to make sure there’s a message.’ Harlan’s foot began to rapidly tap against the carpet now, the guilt seeping into his veins. ‘You know I love you. There’s been things…a lot of things I haven’t said.’ There was a long pause and hearing his father wheeze like that, hearing the fire engulf him, his chest started to tighten too. As if he were there with him.
‘Luna, I want you to know that things are going to change, alright? I know you haven’t made the kind of friends you were hoping to find the last few years. I know how lonely you feel sometimes.’ Harlan pressed pause again, dropping the device onto the desk. Luna was his twin. They were supposed to help make one another feel less lonely and yet, Harlan made her feel more alone than ever.
All he’s ever done is shut her out. He didn’t realize how alone she truly felt. What a horrible thing to do to your sister who only ever wanted to help. With slightly shaky hands, he reached out and pressed play again.
‘But I don’t want you to worry about high school. I promise you, you’ll find your people. You’ll find your pack.’ And she had. Harlan thought back to that same night when they were out in the forest and they’d ran into Blake and Everett. How eager Luna was to give answers and ask questions. He didn’t understand why she was so willing to trust people like them, but he understood now.
She’d found her pack.
‘Harlan,’ his father’s voice cracked a little and he pressed pause again, feeling a lump form in his throat. What was he about to say? Would it be short and simple? Would it leave Harlan knowing that his father didn’t actually care as much as he cared about Luna? Would he say what an awful son he’s been?
He roughly wiped his tears away before they reached his cheeks and took a few deep breaths before standing up and pressing play. He began to pace.
‘Look…I know all we do right now is argue. I’m sorry I couldn’t figure out how to fix that.’
“Oh God,” Harlan whined a little, forcing his tears back again. He stopped pacing to pause the recording, the guilt now lodging itself right where his heart is supposed to be. His father was on the brink of death, saying all of this, and now that he’s alive and well, they’re still arguing and it’s all Harlan’s fault.
Harlan took a few more shaky breaths before forcing himself to press play. He needed to hear the rest.
‘Do me a favor and remember when…when things were good between us.’ His father was starting to sound weaker now and it broke Harlan knowing that his father thought these were his last moments. ‘Remember all the books that we read together. The same one over and over.’
Harlan let out a soft laugh between his tears, now leaning over the desk and watching the salty liquid drop onto the wood. He’d beg Garrett over and over to reread The Hobbit, The Faraway Tree and The Secret Seven. Garrett always asked him if he’d ever get sick of those books and little Harlan would shake his head defiantly and giggle, handing over his battered copy to Garret so he could read to him again.
‘Remember that I..I took you to every R-Rated horror movie you ever wanted to see, even though you were only ten… and I was the one who ended up having nightmares.’ Harlan had made him watch some pretty gruesome films at the cinema and every night after, he’d sleep in Garrett’s bed and vow to protect his dad.
He’d say, ‘don’t worry dad, I’ll protect you from any demon ever because I’m a wolf and I’m scary!’ and Garrett would laugh and pull his son closer. That's how it always was.
‘Remember that I love you,’ his father’s words hit him like a truck going full speed at his heart. He sobbed harder then, whimpering in the dark and gripping the desk so hard he thought he’d break it.
‘Even though I’m not your…’ Garrett faltered, but Harlan knew what he was about to say. Harlan loved using that line when he was angry with him.
‘Even though you don’t see me as your real…’ Harlan’s body shook harder now, the guilt suffocating him. He’d been cruel to the man that had given him everything. To the man who’d shown him more love than anyone ever has. Even to this day. Even compared to Cyrus, Garrett loved Harlan more than anyone else.
‘Fuck…’ was the last thing from Garrett’s lips before he heard shuffling and grunting.
That was the moment his father had decided he didn’t want to just let himself die in that forest. That was the moment he decided he needed to get back home. Not just to Luna, but to Harlan too.
A heavy silence filled the office and Harlan stood like that for a long while. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it didn’t matter.
He’d hurt Garrett so many times all because they had a complicated relationship and Harlan seemed to have an issue with not actually knowing his real father.
But Garrett was exactly that. His real father and no one would be able to convince Harlan otherwise.
With slow movements, Harlan put the tape recorder in the drawer, locking it and leaving the key under the carpet again. He wiped his eyes and snuck back out of the office and up the stairs, ready to cry himself to sleep in his bed.
When he stopped by Garrett's door, he paused for a moment, contemplating if he should. He heard the man cough again and that’s when he slowly pushed the door open, hinges creaking.
“Harlan?” Garrett spoke through another cough, sitting up a bit. “Everything okay?”
Harlan stared at his father for a moment, feeling a fresh wave of tears trickle down his cheeks. His father seemed to notice, a concerned look growing on his features.
The younger man said nothing, closing the door and moving over to the bed and climbing under the covers, hoping his father would hold him. Garrett’s comforting scent washed over him, reminding him of all those nights he’d slept here in the past.
These actions seemed to shock Garrett momentarily, unsure of why his son was here and why he chose to be vulnerable like this. He hadn’t had Harlan sleep in his bed since he was twelve.
Despite this, Garrett turned around and pulled his son closer, running his fingers through his messy curls and letting Harlan cry into his chest.
“Whatever it is,” he whispered to the younger boy. “We’ll fix it, okay?”
“I’m sorry,” Harlan eventually choked out, sobbing a little harder. “I love you and I’m sorry and I’m cruel and I-” he faltered, looking up. “I need my dad .”
Garrett sucked in a breath, feeling his own tears well up. This is all he’d ever wanted to hear from Harlan. All he’d been waiting to hear. “You have him,” he spoke through his tears. “You have me, I promise you.”
They held one another tighter for a long while, both crying and letting years of arguments wither away. This was all that mattered.
After what seemed like forever, Garrett reached out to the drawer in his bedside table, pulling it open. He pulled out an old, yellowed copy of The Secret Seven and turned his side lamp on.
He’d kept the books.
Harlan felt like a kid again, watching his dad wipe his tears away and put on his glasses. Garrett’s hands shook slightly with his movements, but he felt lighter.
Harlan sat up a bit, still in his father’s arms and listened to him read like he had all those times before. He slowly closed his eyes, focusing on Garrett’s voice and his fingers in his hair.
Little Harlan was right, he’d never get sick of reading the same things over and over.