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“My head is haunting me, and my heart feels like a ghost.”
___________
The forest beside them creates a dark blue blur as the car moves.
Watching the countryside used to be Leon's favorite past time as a kid. He was one of those quiet children that didn't mind long car rides because he enjoyed watching the blur outside the window better than anything. It gave him time to think, to wonder. To be curious and creative about the world around him. That was so long ago, felt like an entirely different lifetime than the present. Sometimes Leon wonders what his child self would think of him now.
Would he see him as a protector of the people? Or a monster for all the people he's killed for his Government? Would he weep for the life that was taken from him? Or would he look up to him for his strength and endurance after all that's happened to him? Leon can only wonder what that child he used to be would say now. The one who enjoyed the blur of the countryside outside his father's car window.
To be honest, everything's a blur when he thinks too hard about it. How his life has gotten to this point after everything that's happened to him. How he went from happy summers spent visiting his grandmother as a child to where he is now. All because of some stupid killer that took his childhood from him. Now he was stuck in the back seat of a car with two police officers driving him to some remote village in the middle of nowhere.
They were muttering in Spanish, assuming Leon didn't understand them. To be honest, he wasn't as visually Colombian as he'd liked to be. Inherited more of his looks from his mother than his father. Maybe that was why they'd chosen him for this mission. He had the advantage of being bilingual when people didn't assume that of him. You'd be surprised at how many people talk behind your back assuming you don't understand them. Just like these cops.
So be it, it wasn't like they knew him personally. Knew what he was capable of, knew what he'd survived. Dumb arguments and criticisms like that didn't bother him all that much. It was just annoying that they made the whole car ride more awkward than it needed to be now that they'd insulted him.
Such is life, he guesses. Everything happens for a reason. That was what he told himself to get by.
Sure, he could wish upon a star to go back in time and never have gone to Raccoon City when he was younger. Could have wished to never have wanted to be a cop in the first place. But wishing on stars wasn't gonna do anything to make up for all the trauma he'd endured. All those nightmares, the training that came after he'd finally escaped. Taken by the Government and forced to do their bidding and keep quiet about the whole thing.
He liked his job, as shitty as it was sometimes. Behind all the murders, he was actually able to do some good. Able to save people, to really impact other's lives positively. It was what he'd originally wanted out of being a cop in the first place. Too bad things had to be this way to get to that goal.
Maybe in another life he'd have been a small town cop, blissfully unaware of zombie outbreaks and parasites and presidential kidnappings. Maybe in another life he wouldn't be so desensitized to the sight of gore and blood, so used to killing others that he didn't even think twice.
Sometimes it really felt like he had no soul anymore. Like what he had left after his childhood was completely gone after RC. After he'd killed all those zombies, who had entire lives before being infected. After he saw the corpses of the people he was supposed to work with. After Ada had betrayed him and died just like that.
But that was what the Government wanted out of him. A soulless killing machine. Incapable of love and fear and all those dumb emotions that made his job harder. They just wanted him to keep his mouth shut and kill whoever they wanted him to kill. It was stupid to think that he'd really let them win him over like that.
This was his life, as shitty as it had been. All he could do was make the best of it and do his job well.
___________
“I need to feel something, 'cause I'm still so far from home.”
___________
Why was he stupid enough to let this happen?
He'd let his guard down all because of some stupid guy he found tied up in a closet. If only he'd fought harder instead of get tossed like a fucking ragdoll before blacking out. Now he was stuck in some shitty cabin place tied to some stranger. Instead of rescuing him he just got them both into a bigger mess.
Dug himself a deeper grave instead of crawl out like he'd wanted to. He'd been way too sloppy. He just needed to focus more. There wasn't time to feel sorry about the past, or get distracted by some guy he found. He needed to just find Ashley and get the hell out of here. For all he knew she could be dead by now because of his carelessness.
"Crawl out of one hole, and into another." The person tied to him said over his shoulder, a small smirk on his face.
Was it so wrong that Leon felt the urge to slap him?
He tugged against his restraints, forcing the other man to hiss in pain.
"Aye- take it easy, hermoso. I don't even know your name." He laughed lightly.
Something about his voice felt oddly addicting to Leon's ears. He'd only just met the guy, why'd he suddenly feel like they were connected in some strange way? Like he'd known him for longer, or at least wanted to know him. He didn't even know his name either.
Geez, was he such a touch starved loser he'd already began to fall for a guy that called him handsome? Sure, he'd fallen in love really quickly in the past. People who'd save him and leave him to follow them like an obedient dog. His self esteem issues were so bad he latched onto any sort of affection he got, abusive or not. Why'd he have to go get attached so fucking easily?
"It's Leon." He muttered, trying to pull out the picture of Ashley from his back pocket.
Ignore his feelings, that was what he did best. Besides, love that bloomed on the battlefield wasn't the best idea. For all Leon knew this handsome guy was the enemy. This guy with really pretty dark curly hair that he felt the urge to run his hands through. With light hazel eyes that complimented his skin tone more than Leon's blue eyes ever could. A slight smirk on his face, despite being tied up and imprisoned twice in the span of a few hours.
No, shut up Leon. Maybe this guy was the one who'd kidnapped Ashley in the first place. Maybe he was more dangerous than he let on. For all he knew this guy flirting with him killed more people than Leon could comprehend. Maybe he was the one who was infecting everyone so far. The leader of Los Illuminados.
Although now thinking about it, that idea was unlikely. Why would they have him tied up if he didn't betray them in some sort of way?
"Leon, eh? It suits you. Fits your...." He pauses to find the right word, "physique. You're a strong looking guy, only natural you'd have a name like that."
"Thanks." He was the absolute worst at receiving compliments.
He's had girls in the past compliment him like this, but he didn't really pay much mind to it. It wasn't like he was the most attractive guy, he was just average. And he'd only been built this way because of the military training he endured.
It was oddly nice coming from another guy, though. In the sense that guys don't often compliment one another. Whenever they do, it just means that it's heartfelt. And he didn't exactly mind an attractive looking guy like him admiring him either. Especially since the two of them were tied up in this situation together. Literally and figuratively.
No, he needed to focus on the mission. Obviously this guy was a distraction sent by the enemy to get him to drop his guard. That was it, and he was already falling for it.
"I'm looking for this girl, have you seen her?" He holds out the picture of Ashley in hopes he could get some sort of info out of this guy.
If the two of them had to be tied together like this he might as well make himself useful. Nothing good was gonna come out of flirting with him unless if he figured out his connection to Ashley.
"Eh? You supposed to be a cop or something?" He turns to look at the picture, pinching the restraints on Leon's wrists ever so slightly.
He didn't bother to point it out. He just needed to know if this guy knew where Ashley was.
"Maybe."
He watched him inspect the picture for a moment, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. Like he'd seen her before but was trying to remember from where. He was just desperate for any info on where Ashley was. Didn't care who it came from.
"I'll guess...she's the president's daughter?" Leon perked up at that.
"Too good for a guess, wanna start talking?" He turns back, pinching the restraints on Luis' wrists.
"Easy with the ropes, amigo." He hissed once again, pulling back to ease his pain.
"I overheard it from one of the villagers. Said she was being held in the church."
Leon paused for a moment. At least he had something to go by. But who was he to trust a random guy he'd been chained to? For all he knew he was leading him the wrong way. He shouldn't just dive in headfirst just because he found one lead.
"And who might you be?"
"Me llamo Luis Sera. Used to be a cop in Madrid." He sighs, reminiscent of the past.
"Now I'm just a good for nothing guy who happens to be quite the charmer." Leon pretends he didn't notice the wink he added.
"Charmer, huh?"
"Of course. Though, I don't normally get tied up with pretty boys like you this fast. I'd have at least taken you to dinner first."
He laughed, shaking his head at the situation he found himself stuck in. Of course he had to be tied to a guy who was flirting with him. And of course in some weird perverted way it was actually working. His voice was heavenly, like a siren Leon felt inclined to follow at all costs.
"You sure know how to make a guy feel special."
Leon felt this weird ache in his heart. Maybe from finally having someone be there alongside him through this. The Government didn't care enough about him to send him on his way with a partner of any kind. Having someone, whoever this guy was, was oddly comforting. And having someone to watch his back wasn't the worst of ideas.
He definitely let that flirting go straight to his head.
___________
“Cross your heart and hope to die, promise me you'll never leave my side.”
___________
It was funny how such fucked up situations had molded him to act this way.
Leon hadn't really counted how many romances he'd had that ended up with him staring down the barrel of a gun. Was it four? Three? Hell if he knew. It was practically second nature at this point. All those years ago Ada had somehow made him think the whole idea was incredibly romantic. But, at the end of the day it was always him who came out of it alive.
In hindsight, he should have seen this coming. No man this perfect would have ever crossed paths with him. He was far too charismatic to not have hidden motives under all those smiles. Those kisses blown to Leon across the battlefield. It was only a few minutes ago that Luis had praised his shots, tossing ammo his way and encouraging him to keep going.
They'd clawed their way out of that grave they were stuck in together. At least, that's what Leon thought. He guesses it was his fault for thinking he could have this. How stupid of him to think anyone could really love him. All people ever did was use him to get where they wanted. Leaving him behind to pick up the pieces.
It really felt like Luis was going to be different. But who was he kidding?
"Don't move." Luis' voice was stern.
So this was where Leon was going to die. A bullet right between the eyes because he was stupid enough to trust someone out here. Why did his heart even bother at this point? He would think after living through things like this before he wouldn't fall for the same mistake again. What a lovesick idiot he was.
And now Ashley was in even more danger, all because of his mistakes.
Leon raised his hands, knowing how this was gonna end. It was pointless to fight, there was no way he could. Luis had him cornered, and he had already fallen for him way too fast.
He shut his eyes, anticipating the blow to be quick and painless. Already accepting his fate despite the voice inside him screaming to fight back. He couldn't die here, he had to save Ashley. But also, what point was there? If he died here, they'd just send another agent to finish his job. He was just another replaceable body to the ever growing pile that the Government was building.
Might as well die here and now by someone he actually cared about. If he died here it would mean something. To die carelessly by someone who didn't care didn't mean anything to him. Well, apparently Luis didn't care about him either. Maybe he was just fooling himself in his last moments to make sense of it all.
The gunshot was loud, making him flinch. If he wasn't already deaf in his right ear by the amount of guns he'd shot, he'd have gone deaf again.
But instead of feeling his consciousness slip away from him, he felt hands tug at his arms. Pulling him closer towards Luis. Almost protectively. His eyes fluttered open, seeing Luis look down at him with a worried expression.
"¿Estás bien, amor? You scared me half to death." He asked, voice dripping with concern.
Leon hadn't even processed the petname, too confused at the situation at hand. Wasn't Luis going to shoot him? Wasn't he just about to die at the hands of someone he thought he trusted?
"You were gonna shoot me." Leon paused, looking behind him.
Where Leon had previously stood was a ganado falling to the floor, blood oozing out from his forehead where Luis had shot him. Smoke blew out from the barrel of his gun.
"Why would I ever do that?" His grip on Leon's arm loosened.
Leon took the opportunity to move himself away, awkwardly trying to process what the hell just happened.
Luis was just looking out for him, why did this feel so different than anyone else doing the same? It felt...sincere. Like it meant more coming from him of all people. Proving that there was no reason not to trust him. Fighting for the sake of protecting one another, not just for underlying motives.
He...he's never had that before. He's never had someone protect him in this way. At least, not since Ada. Saving him from near death instead of sacrificing him for personal gain. Someone who actually cared if he died or not.
This felt different than Ada though. Ada pretended she needed him, pretended that she cared. But coming from Luis it was sincere. Like he meant it. Like he actually wanted Leon around and wasn't just using him as a human shield for the horrible things they were facing together.
"Be more careful next time, amigo. I don't need you dying on me. I'm getting too used to your company to go back to being alone." Luis admitted, shoving his gun back into it's holster to hide the blush on his face.
As if Leon could even tell he was embarrassed over all the emotions running through his own brain right now.
He was wanted. Someone actually wanted him around. Cared about him enough to save him from getting himself killed. Wanted him around enough to waste a bullet on an enemy to keep him alive. Cared enough about him to get used to his company. So much so that he enjoyed it. Loathed the idea of a world without him in it.
What the hell was this warm feeling in his chest?
"Sorry, I...I guess I didn't hear them." He cleared his throat, busying himself with brushing the dust off his clothes.
Fuck, he was not falling in love in the middle of a mission like this. He didn't even want this in the first place but Luis was making it very hard for him. Fucking being nice to him and shit. Caring about him like no one really had before. It made him feel sick, and he wished he could blame it on the plaga slowly infecting him instead of this.
"You're alright though? No blood?" Luis turned back to him, hands already back on his arms.
As if inspecting his wounds was just another excuse to get his hands back on him. Because Luis was pained to admit it, but he was getting addicted to the feeling. Knuckles brushing as they walked through the forest together. Small touches as they fought side by side only minutes ago.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing serious." Leon chuckled at his worry.
If anything, Leon should be asking him the same. He was fighting off ganados too. And sure, he'd nearly died there. But so did Luis earlier. It was only a few minutes ago where Leon had shouted for Luis to duck as he shot someone standing at the window behind him. He was just returning the favor, it didn't mean anything. Leon had to repeat that to himself before he fell in love too fast.
Nothing good ever came out of falling in love like this.
But, it was nice. It was a change of pace from his bleak life previous to all of this. The rush of feeling wanted, being someone desirable to another. Fighting off monsters with someone who you trusted with your life to watch your back. Sneaking gentle smiles and words of encouragement along the way. He felt alive, in ways he hadn't felt in a long time.
Maybe he deserved it, with how he'd been treated in his life so far. He deserved to be happy, even if for just a little bit.
______________
“Show me what I can't see when the spark in my eyes is gone.”
______________
"Are you alright, Ashley?" Leon asked as soon as she came out of hiding.
She nodded, inspecting her arms just in case. It didn't look like anything serious so far. No blood, no cuts, no infections. Just a splinter from the cabinet upstairs she hid in. Nothing compared to Leon getting slashed at earlier or Luis narrowly dodging a pitchfork.
But that was the goal all along. So long as Leon was here he would do his best to protect her. Luis sighed to himself. He had to remind himself that Leon was on a mission. And as much as he wanted to continue playing around with him, he shouldn't interrupt such important things.
"Well, looks like I'm done here." Luis clasps his hands together, grabbing their attention.
He turns to leave, so used to being on the move. A moving target was a harder one to kill than a stagnant one, his grandfather always said. And he might as well make himself useful and go look for the suppressor to their growing infection. It was only a matter of time till things would get worse for all three of them.
He couldn't afford to sit and wait here with Leon. As much as he wanted to. As much as he wished they'd met under different circumstances. Wished he could sit with him for hours and talk about his life and what he loved. What he wished for the future, what his favorite food was, if he liked dancing, what his favorite season was.
What they had together felt like one of those bonds you make that connects with you instantly. Like when you're a child and you bump into another kid and it feels like you're destined to be best friends with them forever. Or like when you're in high school and the teacher assigns you a seat next to someone that you feel became the other half of your soul instantly.
At least, that's how Luis felt on the matter.
However Leon felt about him was an entirely different story. And Luis didn't want to pressure the man any more than he already had. All those nicknames and flirtatious winks were just a ruse for how he really felt on the inside. And he really felt like a nervous wreck.
He hid how intense he felt for Leon with those dumb comments. Because it's easy to hide feelings when others think you're joking or poking fun at something. Leon may enjoy the flirting but he won't even realize how intense Luis felt about the matter.
How Luis felt like he had finally found the light in this tunnel of darkness. Leading him out to the real world and putting a stop to all this parasitic cult shit. All the horrible things that happened to his best friends, his family, his neighbors. Leon was his knight in shining armor, and he didn't even know it.
"Luis, where are you going?"
He stopped in his tracks, hand on the door.
Why was Leon even bothering to ask?
Sure, he was a good backup partner, but he of all people should understand where Luis is coming from. He didn't even look all that interested at all. When he'd admitted he didn't want him to die, Leon just stared blankly. When he'd flirted with him originally, Leon just laughed awkwardly.
Luis was in too deep for this guy and he didn't even feel the same. Well, that's what he gets for falling in love with someone like him. It was never gonna work out like how he wanted it to.
"I...forgot something. You go on ahead." He lied, because that was all he could do.
He couldn't tell the truth, tell him that he was falling in love too fast and needed to get out. Needed to go and be alone again because he can't lose another person to Los Illuminados again. Needed to be away and make himself useful rather than process all those emotions churning in his chest right now.
Leon didn't make any movements to stop him. Just like he knew he wouldn't. So Luis didn't wait around to be pitied. He left without another word, not even another look back. Leon didn't look like he cared, so why should he?
He was stuck in this never ending game of play pretend. Pretend that he trusted what Saddler was doing. Pretend that he wasn't secretly going against his wishes. Pretend that he was a cop so Leon could trust him more. Pretend that he didn't care about Leon at all so these feelings could go away. Pretend that he wasn't in love because all it ever did was make him hurt more.
Raindrops pattered against his clothes, soaking into them.
He hated the rain, ever since he was a little kid. His grandfather always said it was God's tears. But why would God weep for him? Everyone who had ever cared for him was dead. There wasn't any point in crying over someone like him.
How selfish of him to think that he could have this. Have Leon in his life as if he wasn't just here to do his job. As if he actually cared about him and didn't just want someone to watch his back. And it was stupid how attached he got, because he was stupid enough to be that for him. To be that person to watch his back. To save his life.
Leon would never understand how much it tore him up inside to see him like that. How easy it would be to lean in and connect their lips. Sealing their bond for however long they had together. But it was too fast, and Luis was falling in too deep for someone he could never have.
For a love he knew would never last.
_____________
“You’ve got me on my knees, I'm your one man cult.”
_____________
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Why did Ashley have to run off like that?
God, he was an idiot for letting her go like that. Forgetting that the second he let his guard down she would get taken from him in the blink of an eye.
Leon ran down the hallways, calling for her.
"Ashley!?" He yelled, worry pooling in his stomach.
God, every time he got close to getting out of this place something else had to get in his way. Some fight with Luis that left him with this weird feeling of emptiness after he'd gone. Some small cut Ashley got from the forest, having to stop and bandage her up. The revving of chainsaws and huge monsters that Leon felt he was gonna have nightmares about for the rest of his life. That is, if he even survived this place.
Leon was a pretty capable guy. Trustworthy enough to hold his ground. At least, the Government trusted him enough to send him all the way out here to find Ashley.
It was his responsibility to bring her home safe. To protect not just the president's daughter, but someone's little sister, someone's best friend, someone's favorite person. She was important in so many different ways and Leon was an idiot for letting this happen again.
He turned the corner, spotting a figure far down the hallway.
Too far for him to recognize if they were an enemy or not. But he didn't want to take his chances, so he pulled his gun out from it's holster and crept forward. After losing Ashley so quickly like that, dropping his guard was the worst idea.
Their back was turned to them, poofy and curly brown hair sunk down to their shoulders. Familiar, like it was someone he was just thinking of. Someone he couldn't get out of his mind no matter how hard he tried.
"Luis?"
He turned around, equally as surprised to see Leon here of all places.
"Leon?" he looked behind him, "where's Miss Ashley?"
The blonde shifted his gaze awkwardly. He was supposed to be a professional at this. It was embarrassing to admit that she had gotten lost again.
"She got taken again, I'm looking for her." He admitted.
Luis frowned, "fell for a trap, hmm?"
Leon didn't even question how he knew. He was stuck in a bad situation, and Luis popping up here out of the blue was probably the best possible outcome for him.
Luis knew a lot about this place, too much for him to really be that cop from Madrid he said he was. But as long as he was able to help Leon get his job done, he would just pretend it didn't matter. Luis could lie about his past all he wanted. Leon still trusted him after what they've been through together.
So when Luis beckoned him to follow, Leon didn't hesitate.
"You know, there's a lot of shortcuts I've found over the years." Luis says as they walk down the dimly lit corridor.
Leon looked to him, intrigued at what he meant. He really wasn't selling this "cop in Madrid" story anymore. Though Leon figured that by now. Perhaps they'd gone far enough that Luis didn't feel like lying anymore. Knowing that Leon was aware he was lying, and decided to tell a bit of the truth.
Trusting him enough to bare a small and vulnerable part of his soul.
"As a kid, my family was hired to work for Salazar and his family. I never met them personally, but I would clean the grounds. Hell of a job for a 6 year old kid, eh?" Luis laughed to himself.
Leon tried to imagine little Luis raking piles of leaves in the courtyard. So painfully unaware of what Salazar and Saddler were going to do to his village down the line. Having fun and doing his job with pride, unaware that this castle would bring death upon hundreds of people. What a silly idea, Leon could never see him that oblivious and innocent.
The person standing before him was so complex. A look of sadness in his eyes so incomprehensible to the child he described. The fact that the both of them had evolved so much from who they used to be. Their younger selves destroyed and laid to rest in a garden of wilting flowers.
And so Leon figured, he might as well share a part of himself too. If Luis was sharing, then he didn't want him to feel out of place.
"When I was younger my parents made me stay with my neighbors when they'd be out for work. Their kids would bribe me to do their laundry and cut their grass for pieces of candy." Leon admitted, ignoring the fact that he hadn't told that to anyone before.
Talking about his own past wasn't his favorite past-time. Sure, his adopted parents used to ask a little bit when he was younger. But he would just say he didn't remember or make up some elaborate story to make the whole thing seem cooler than it was. He was a people pleaser at heart, even when he was a kid.
This was different though. Luis didn't look like he was lying like before. He looked like he was genuinely reminiscent of this place from his childhood. And it lined up with the reason why he knew so much about the area. If Luis, after being caught up in so many lies, was able to tell a little bit of truth, then Leon should too. It was only fair.
"It's funny. I can't imagine you as a kid." Luis pretends he didn't intentionally brush their knuckles together as they walked.
"Me neither." Leon smiles at the contact.
It was stupid to think about, but he wished he had met Luis sooner. To have seen him grow up and bloom as a person. To have met his family and laughed at old photos with him. To have lived through more of his life experiences alongside him.
How oblivious he was, to think Luis didn't feel the exact same. To be so caught up in his own self doubts to not realize those small glances down at him. Those gentle smiles, the love behind every pack of ammo he threw his way. The way Luis would have to leave in order to contain himself, blushing like crazy every time he turned away.
If only he acted upon that urge to hold Luis' hand as they walked. Maybe something would have changed. Maybe things would have gone smoother from the get go.
Luis was a hopeless romantic, falling in love with anything and everything way too fast for his own good. Falling in love with the stars, the sunset, the smell of rain, with Leon. All too fast and all with the wrong people, romanticizing the littlest things and getting hurt all because of it.
And Leon was a lonely soul, forced to ignore his true and raw feelings for the sake of survival. Never having time to process how he felt after all those battlefield romances. Staying up late at night yearning for someone who wouldn't leave him or use him like the rest of them had. Falling for anyone that promised him security, as flawed as it could be. Any slight promise of love would have him yearning and pining like a teenager.
Leon brushed his knuckles against Luis' again.
This was all he allowed himself to do. He couldn't go further, couldn't give in to all the things he wanted from Luis. Couldn't bare his soul any more in fear of the pain that came with it. Repressing the feelings that came with it, pretending he was okay with this. Even if every fiber of his being screamed that he wasn't.
Deep down under all the walls he'd built, Leon truly was a coward.
_____________
“Cross my heart and hope to die, promise you I'll never leave your side.”
_____________
Fuck, this was bad.
He was so stupid for letting his guard down like that. Sure, he trusted Luis to watch his back. But the man could only do so much. It wasn't his fault Leon was stupid enough not to see a knife being thrown at him till it was too late.
He hadn't been stabbed, but he was slashed up pretty bad.
"You'll be okay, amor." Luis assured him, bandaging his wounds.
"I'm sorry for makin' you do all this." Leon apologized for the millionth time.
He winced as Luis tightened the gauze around his arms. Noticing the small look of worry he gave him, but didn't comment on it. It was nice noticing those small things Luis did. He didn't want to give that up.
"Nobody's making me do anything. I want to help you. After all, you helped me first." Luis hums knowingly.
It was true, Leon did help him first. Freed him from that near death situation he was stuck in. Had he never stumbled across that cabin Luis would have been dead. Leon would have been dead by now too, to be honest. The countless times throughout their journey so far where Leon had been saved by Luis. His careful eyes watching his back and protecting him fiercely.
He looked at Luis again. Really looked at him this time. Drinking in all his features in this dim firelight.
His curly dark hair, flowing down his face like a waterfall cascading down a mountain. Swaying ever so slightly every time he moved to clean his wounds.
His long eyelashes, accenting his light colored eyes. Little hazel worlds for Leon to find himself lost in. Quickly locking with his, then looking away as if it were too scandalous to make eye contact for much longer.
It was stupid, but Leon felt like a teenager on prom night with his crush. His heart beating intensely in his chest, echoing in his ears like a drum. And he couldn't blame this on the adrenaline from fighting earlier. No, that had worn off a while ago.
This was definitely something different. Something exciting and new and alive. Something Leon didn't bother to push down anymore. Like a pot of water boiling over after all this time of keeping it in. The walls he'd built for himself all crashing down at once. Those years of repression and anger and self hatred falling to a halt for this one moment.
He leaned in, eyes flickering towards Luis' lips.
"What are you-" Luis was cut off with a kiss.
An intense one, as sloppy as it was. Underneath it all was a burning desire erupting within Leon's soul. The desire to love, to be loved. To express that love and not have to bury it down deep within himself anymore. To explode like fireworks on the Fourth of July, erupting into thousands of different colors.
And it took a second, but Luis had fallen in line with his rhythm. Kissing back nearly as passionately as Leon had initiated it.
A warm feeling erupting in his chest as well. Feeling wanted, feeling desired. Feeling like a person again, finding the gratification in the fact that Leon felt the same as he did. Unbeknownst to him this entire time.
Like Leon was this fire he'd been drawn to. Warming him up in the freezing cold. Like he was the wind whistling through the forest at night, beckoning him to follow despite the danger.
He didn't care about the danger anymore. He didn't care about anything anymore. All he cared about and all he ever wanted to care about was right here in his arms.
Luis was the first to pull away, breathless and with a huge smile on his face.
Leon smiled back, free hand coming up to cup his cheek.
"I think I've fallen for you." He admitted, a crimson blush forming on his cheeks.
Leon's eyes bore into him with an emotion he couldn't place. Love? Desire? Hell if Luis knew. All he saw was that small smile on his face. Felt his thumb caressing his cheek lovingly. Like those lovey dovey couples in movies did. Luis felt his heart race at the notion.
"Me too." Was all Leon had to say.
It felt like his entire world had just clicked into place. The feelings he was missing his entire life were gone now. Leon was this person he didn't even realize he was missing all along. Now that he had him, he never wanted to let him go.
And so, Luis didn't have to think twice about leaning in again.
____________
“Come sink into me and let me breathe you in, I'll be your gravity, you'll be my oxygen”
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It was silly to admit, but the two of them were getting quite used to each other's company.
Clawing their way out of the graves that Saddler dug for them. Together, hand in hand, climbing out to the surface and sighing in relief. Allowing the sun to beam upon their bodies as they embraced one another with tears in their eyes. Completely stricken with shock at how they'd made it out alive like that.
At least, that's how it felt when they'd climbed up from the crashed mine cart together.
Lying on the edge of the cliff side, steadying their breaths as best they could. Luis' grip on Leon as tight as ever. Like he was terrified of losing him. Like this was the closest the two had ever been to really losing one another.
"Luis, fuck, are you okay?" Leon turned over, looming over him with that worried look in his eyes.
The Spaniard took a few labored breaths, eyes fluttering shut in relief that he was really there. That it wasn't a hallucination that he'd managed to pull him up from the side of the cliff earlier. Mere inches from falling to their deaths only a second ago. That Leon had actually successfully saved both of their lives. Again. Like he always had.
"I'm okay." He managed to make out in between his gasps for air.
Leon sighed a breath of relief, thank God that he was okay.
So long as Luis was still with him, Leon would be alright. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself knowing that he was able to save him and had failed and lost everything that he cared about so easily.
The two eventually dragged themselves farther from the edge, paranoid that the cliff side would crumble beneath them, sending them plummeting to their deaths. At least they would be together, but the thought was still too horrible to risk it.
Luis rest his body against Leon's, still recovering from nearly having a panic attack over how close they had come to dying earlier. He felt horrible about wasting time like this, but he couldn't help it. There was nothing he could do other than wait this one out, hoping to stabilize his breathing enough to keep going.
But Leon just let him rest. He'd gone through enough, he didn't want to push him.
It wasn't like he understood why it scared Luis so much to have been in a situation like that. And it wasn't like he was gonna pry about it. He would wait for him as long as he needed. Never rush him into things too quickly if he wasn't prepared. Leon cared about him far too much to do that to him.
"Thank you" he said after their moment of silence.
Leon turned to him, admiring his features.
Even after all this, he still looked so utterly perfect. Maybe it was his lovesick brain talking, warping his sense of vision. Always seeing Luis as this perfect angel of a person, smiling at him with such an adorable look on his face. Even now, as had previously Luis clutched to his side in a panic, breathing uneven, he still thought he was an angel.
"I'm jus' returning the favor, angel." Leon smiled.
“That’s not fair, amor. I’m supposed to be the one to make up cute nicknames.” He pouted back, faking his anger.
The blonde laughs, a warm feeling in his chest.
He’d finally found someone to love and to call all those nicknames he’d yearned to call someone. Luis was the person he would yearn to hold late at night when he was all alone, pathetically hugging a pillow instead.
He longed for the days where the two would get out of here together. Days where he could wake up to Luis’ face every morning. To wrap his arms around him and spend the rest of his days with someone he couldn’t believe he’d fallen for this fast.
And it was comforting knowing Luis felt the same. In some capacity, at least. Maybe he wasn’t dreaming of their future together as much as Leon was. Fantasizing about how their shared bedroom would look like. But he felt the same admiration and love for him. Even if the two had fallen way too fast. It was inevitable.
In places like this, death was lurking at every corner. Fear struck against his spine. It was only minutes ago that the two of them had a near death experience, pulling eachother up from falling to their deaths. He couldn’t help but feel strongly for Luis. When he feels like he might die at any given moment, he had to have someone to latch onto before it all came crashing down.
And maybe he was that for Luis too, and he liked being that. As long as he was able to provide comfort, stability, love. As long as Luis looked at him and felt better about the state they were in, things would be okay.
Because whatever Luis wanted, he would be there for him. Always watching his back, always there to hold him as he evened his breaths. There for him when Luis felt like he was alone and scared. Leon would be there to pull him up from any cliff side, no matter what.
He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against Luis’ lips.
It was a quick kiss, just there enough for assurance. To let Luis know that he was there. That he loved him. That he cared. Even though he could say it a million times, be there for him a million times over, nothing could really encompass how he felt inside. It was so sick how intense he felt and for such a little thing.
Leon just smiled again, turning away to hide his blush.
How embarrassing it was to bare your soul like that. To someone who had the power to crush it and take advantage of it. He was letting him in through the walls that apparently weren’t all that strong in the first place. He had the power to tear him apart, to toss him to the side and ignore anything Leon did for him. To use him for his own personal gain, just like all the others did.
But Luis didn’t do any of that.
Instead, he gently turned Leon’s gaze back towards him. Thumb caressing his bottom lip ever so slightly. Hazel eyes bearing into him, reading his soul, acknowledging who he was. Enjoying his presence, not using him for anything else.
And he kissed him, sealing his fate then and there.
The two of them were destined to be together like this. No matter what happened, no matter what universe. It felt like he was born to have this tender moment with him. In this cave deep in the Spanish countryside, fighting off monsters and parasites, Leon had found his true purpose in life. To be with Luis like this, eyes fluttered shut and not caring about anything else.
He even ignored that creeping feeling in the back of his mind that this was far too good to be true.
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“So dig two graves, 'cause when you die, I swear I'll be leaving by your side.”
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Leon remembered why he never fell in love.
All it ever did was bring pain. It was better to never be worried with such trivial things than to feel the crushing weight of heartbreak. He'd forgotten to not get too attached. Forgot why he never allowed himself to get close to others. Everyone would leave him eventually, and he would have to be the one to pick up the pieces.
He really thought Luis was gonna be different.
Thought that they could have a life together, outside of this horrible place. Walking hand in hand on the beach, sun setting in the distance. Listening to his voice late at night, rambling on about whatever he wanted to. Leon didn't care, he would listen to anything Luis would say. As long as he got to hear his voice. As long as Luis was passionate about it and wanted to share.
As long as he was alive.
It hurt. It hurt that things had to be this way. That he had finally found the person who made him fucking happy. Who changed things. Someone he felt he really could trust. After all those people who just used him for personal gain. Kicked him to the curb when he was no longer useful. He'd finally found the one person who would keep him, even if he wasn't useful.
Luis would love him if he didn't know how to fix a broken fence. Would love him if he struggled at pronouncing words in Spanish. Would love him if he let a houseplant die. He would love him when he was sick in bed and unable to do anything useful. He'd love him no matter fucking what. And now he was gone.
No one would ever do the same for him. Leon was certain. No one would ever make him feel wanted like Luis had. In such a short time they'd had together. It was always too short when it came to these things. He grew so fucking attached, and then they'd die on him or leave him for dead. Either way, Leon would have to keep on living with that pain.
It was what he risked every time he fell for someone on the job like this. Tiptoeing the line between death and life until someone was pushed off. He wouldn't be able to catch them, he would just have to keep going. No matter how much it hurt.
Fuck, he'd forgotten how bad it hurt.
"Don't talk." He whispered, tears pooling in his eyes.
Blood stained his hands, his gloves, his shirt. Luis' blood. The blood of someone he loved.
Luis looked at him with that desperate look in his eyes. A look that Leon would see in his nightmares, never to forget. The blood loss making him pale, ghostly.
He choked out something, a string of sounds he tried to make coherent. Leon was too overwhelmed with grief to hear, and oh how he longed to hear him just one last time.
Hands gripped onto Leon's for as long as they could. Fingers going numb by the second.
"Don't leave me like this." Leon begged.
As if it would change anything. As if he could recover from this.
Tears fell from Luis' dying eyes, blood spilling from his lips. A cruel mixture of both life and death.
Leon felt like screaming so hard he’d lose his voice. Anything to bring him back. Anything to transfer that pain onto him. Luis didn't deserve any of this. Didn't deserve to die in a place like this. Surrounded by the people that had abused him his entire life. He deserved a fighting chance. Deserved to see the world without that underlying fear on his mind. Deserved to live a happy life, to feel truly safe.
It was cruel how his life had been taken from him just like that. Without any warning whatsoever. Leon had seen things like this happen countless times before, but it hurt so much more this time. Luis was different, in some weird fucked up way. The two of them were so similar and yet so different to one another. He felt the obligation to follow him and protect him from harm since the moment they met.
Before Leon could say anything else, Luis' eyes fell shut. He felt cold, icy to the touch. And he had gone limp, the strength in his body giving out underneath him. The life drained out of him as quickly as his blood was pooling around the two of them.
Leon couldn't process that he was gone. Truly gone. And once again, he was left to pick up the pieces. To continue living like this wasn't the most earth shattering thing he had ever experienced. He had no time to grieve in a place like this.
What a cruel cycle he was trapped in.