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The little doorbell rang as Remus stepped into the massage parlor.
“Welcome to Marauders Massage!” A little voice said and Remus looked down to see a small child sitting at a little table set up in front of the reception desk.
“He’s our new hire,” the receptionist added with a wink. “Who are you here to see?”
“Sirius.”
“Perfect. Harry, would you take Mr. Lupin to Room 3 please?”
Harry got up and held out his hand for Remus to take. He glanced back at the receptionist who was trying to stifle a laugh before taking the small hand and allowing himself to be led down the hallway. When they got to the room, a man Remus assumed to be Sirius was busy inside getting set up.
Harry cleared his throat loudly and Sirius turned around. “Your three o’clock is here,” Harry said in the most businesslike of tones.
“Thanks Hazza.”
Harry nodded and dutifully made his way back down the hall.
“Believe it or not that’s the same kid who yesterday added paint to pasta sauce because he wanted it to taste more blue.”
Remus gave a smile, but he was certain it looked more like a grimace with how nervous he was. They briefly discussed what he wanted to have worked on and then he left Remus to change at which point the nerves hit him full force. Sirius had assured him he could work around whatever Remus wasn’t comfortable removing but Remus knew that he was supposed to pushing himself.
He stripped down to his boxers and practically dove under the sheet before he could catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Sirius knocked before returning and the first thing he did was fold down the sheet so it was tucked into the waistband of his underwear. Remus felt himself start to tremble under the feeling of being exposed.
“I’m sorry about the scars,” he stuttered.
“Nothing to apologize for. At least you showered today.”
Was he supposed to have showered today? “I actually showered last night. Sorry. I hope that’s okay.”
“I was teasing, Remus. I’ve dealt with some pretty bad BO in here before. You smell fine.”
“Oh, sorry.”
Warm hands pressed against Remus’s back. “You apologize a lot.”
Remus grit his teeth against the urge to apologize again.
“You want to say it again, don’t you?”
“Maybe.”
Sirius chuckled softly. “Do you have any tension or pain around the scars?”
“The one on my spine aches sometimes, but it could be all in my head.”
“You know your body best. I believe you if that’s the pain you feel. It’s not uncommon to have pain and tension around scars after surgery. It’s your body trying to protect itself. Just let me know if I’m causing any pain, okay?”
Remus nodded and tried to let himself go as Sirius began to work his hands through the knots and tension in his shoulders and back. It felt like his mind was trying to fight him every step of the way.
“The pressure okay so far?” Sirius asked.
“Mhm.”
“The oil isn’t causing any irritation?”
“No.”
“No problems with the lighting or music?”
“No.”
Sirius was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “Forgive me if I’m overstepping but you seem anxious. The massage will be more effective if your body isn’t tensing against me the whole time. Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?”
“Sorry,” Remus said, tensing again to stop the nervous tremble that was snaking down his body. “I guess I’m just a little self-conscious. After the accident, my ex… um… he had some concerns about how I looked.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry you have to look at them.”
“You never need to apologize for your body.”
“Might have to if it’s ugly.”
“I don’t think there’s such thing as an ugly body. I think one of the best thing I’ve learned about this job is how beautiful the body is and all the things it does for us. I have people come in with stretch marks or cellulite or scars and a lot of people feel self-conscious about them. In reality, they tell the story of your body and of all the things it’s supported you through. Your scars show how hard your body fought to keep you here. I don’t have a problem continuing the way we’ve been going, but would you feel more comfortable with a shirt on?”
“I’d like to try to keep going like this if you’re comfortable with it.”
“Of course. Let me know if your decision changes at any time. It’s not a problem at all.”
They fell into silence after that point and Remus found himself steadily relaxing into Sirius’s touch. As his words and the massage washed over him, Remus realized how much he’d missed being focused on and appreciated in this way.
“Okay Remus, I’m gonna hold up the sheet and you can roll onto your back and slide down so your head is on the table.”
All the tension came back in an instant. All the emotion that had been washing over Remus was evident in the tears that were staining his face. At least when he was face down, Sirius didn’t have to see how pathetic he was. He tried to staunch the tears the best he could and then slid down the table hoping in the low-light Sirius wouldn’t notice.
Sirius moved around the table tucking the sheet back under him again and shifting the pillow under his legs before coming up to sit by his head. His warm hands came down onto Remus’s shoulders and then froze.
“Remus, are you okay?”
And for some reason that question broke through the dam of emotion in Remus’s chest and he found himself dissolving into tears again. He sat up to catch his breath and clutched the sheet more tightly against himself. He heard Sirius get up and leave the room and Remus was certain he was going to tell the receptionist to blacklist him to make sure he never had to deal with a mess of a client again.
He was surprised when instead Sirius came back into the room with a cold glass of water that he pressed into Remus’s hands. Remus gratefully gulped downed the water and once he could breathe a bit better felt more self-conscious. He wiped at his face trying to push the traitorous tears out of the way.
“I’m so sorry. It’s been a long time since anyone's touched me or been so kind to me.”
A strange look past over Sirius’s face and for a moment Remus almost thought it might have been sadness.
Sirius took a deep breath and pulled his stool closer so he could sit. “If you want Remus we can keep moving forward with the rest of the massage or we can use the rest of the time to chat, which I think might also be helpful.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to bore you with my problems.”
“You aren’t boring me. Believe it or not sometimes we can’t start to work on our bodies if we don’t work on our minds. Maybe if we got to know each other a little better than you’ll feel a little more at ease for our next session.”
“I think I’d like that.”
“Good,” Sirius said, leaning back in his chair. “Now, tell me all about Remus Lupin.”