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Chapter Text

A smile enveloped my face as bright rays of light hit my closed eyelids, bringing forth a spectrum of colours beneath my eyes. Ah, this must be heaven. To think I’d end up in hell but I guess God gave me a pass. My body felt blanketed by quiet peace. The silence was perfect- it was broken only by the chirruping of birds. Serenity and bliss filled my soul. My brain felt foggy. Finally, I was understanding what Oogway meant by inner peace.

Something feathery caressed my nose. I ignored it- I was simply too comfortable right now to open my eyes. The same thing brushed my nose again. My nose wrinkled in distaste- for god’s sake, it was disturbing my zen. I grunted, the sound suspiciously sounding off and raised my arm to push away the offending material when suddenly, my arm strength failed and my hand plopped down hard in my face forcing my eyes to jump wide open.

What the fuck.

Sure, I skipped leg days as much as the next person but my arm strength wasn’t this awful!

I groaned in pain as my face squished itself uncomfortably under my chubby hand and registered multiple things at once.

First, my arm was chibi sized.

Second, I was chibi sized.

Third, a human was looming over me like I was a zoo exhibit.

Shit, I was wrong. I did end up in hell. This had to be a nightmare. Was this karma?! Was this guilt borne out of my daddy issues?!

The human beamed at my chibi self, cooing happily.

My pride would never let me admit outright that I did this, but in a moment of weakness, I screamed. My brain fried itself and conjured up images of the IT clown and I screamed some more for good measure. The human’s expression turned into pure panic as she shoved a wooden pacifier into my mouth. I stared at her wide-eyed and promptly passed out.

————-

Breaking news. Local screaming child turns into demon child. Beware of bites.

I was pretty sure my nanny hated me. I mean, if I were her I would hate myself too. Baby me was about a year and a half old and mostly had teeth. I did almost bite her hand off when she tried to feed me. In my defence, whatever shit she was feeding me tasted like kid’s slime mixed with playdough and she did shove the old-age equivalent of a pacifier a few months ago to shut me up. I smiled victoriously through gap teeth at the bite marks around her wrist.

She sighed picking up the bowl of goo, murmuring something— probably an insult— in another language which sounded suspiciously like Chinese before leaving. I really did regret picking French as an extra language in university. Picking Chinese would’ve helped me insult her right back at least— in baby babble but whatever, semantics.

I sighed, a long-suffering sigh fit for someone my age— my mental age, that is. Physically, I was about one and a half if the number of teeth I had was anything to measure by. Mentally, I was about 25 and dead in a truck accident— the driver had a heart attack. My baby brain was still too dumb to decipher where I’d ended up and every time I try to have deep thoughts, I simply fry my neurons and exhaust myself. So— irritating my nanny was a perfect time pass.

My father had not yet bothered to visit me even once, and my mother visited me about a grand total of 4 times in the full year I’d been inhabiting Xu Yin’s body. People— servants, it seemed from their cloth-style— visited me more often. My nanny deigned my humble self with a visit when it was promptly time for dinner and lunch. I was left to my own devices most of the time, really.

I sighed again. An actual baby growing up in this… stifled environment would’ve been dangerously backward— in both intellect, and communication. The only person I liked was the head servant— judging from her dress style. She sat down every day and read out my vowels and consonants to me. Her voice was iron-hard and it sounded more like she was doing this out of obligation but hey, it is what it is. Slowly, but surely, I was learning the language spoken around me. Frustration crowded my thoughts when my baby brain split information like water, but I was still advancing fast for someone my age.

By the time I was two, I could speak broken sentences in Chinese. The head servant— I still didn’t know her name— nodded approvingly when I managed to sound back all the words she said. I bet she liked me now. I could catch bits of Chinese spoken around me. In my previous life, English was engraved into my brain. In this life, I was trying to engrave Chinese. I knew I was probably way more advanced than most ankle biters— my mother visited more too, probably because she heard that I could be a potential prodigy. It was such a pity that my emotional range had dumbed down to a two-year-old. I was as prone to outbursts and tantrums as any other kid, even though I handled it better.

A few months after I turned three, disaster struck. The old physician who had been assigned to check my energy— for whatever reason, I wasn’t fluent enough to comprehend, something about a golden whatever— checked me, placing two of his fingers in my tiny wrist and his eyes widened. “This child has an excess of yang energy.” His tone was sombre, a herald announcing certain death. “I advise she be treated with extreme caution to prevent an… unsavoury accident.”

Oh ho ho if this wasn’t a big shock to my family.

Xu Yin. The last child of a family with 5 other children. I was pretty useless, an extra, even if I could be potentially prodigious. The cons outweighed the pros and instantly, all my classes from the head servant were shut down. I was placed in forcible seclusion and cut off from all human contact. I didn’t take my fall with grace. I was pissed. I screamed until my throat was hoarse, and scratched at the door until my nail buds were bleeding and ruined. I sobbed for my mother— my absent, unfeeling mother, and when she didn’t come, I felt my blood boiling along with my anger, my body felt like a tightly leashed string being pushed to its elastic limit, seconds away from ripping apart and permanently deforming.

Three days passed by. Three days of my blood boiling faster than my anger. It took three days for the insanity of the situation to settle in my bones. Three days for everything to go to hell. The only window in my prison had a crack on it.

The broken window was my breaking point.

All the anger in my body vanished suddenly, my body dropped like a puppet whose strings had been cut. A moment passed— the silence before the storm. The birds stopped chirping and the wind held its breath in anticipation of the tragedy about to follow.

All the anger and pain and grief, of my first life and this one overloaded into my body. My blood churned inside my body and my excess of yang energy encumbered me. My skin felt too stretched and the sensations overwhelmed me. Vaguely, I registered someone screaming, realising belatedly that it was me. My throat was torn from overuse- my body felt like it was being microwaved inside out, and I sobbed myself to unconsciousness when the heat was too much. I was burning- burning— and there was nobody to help me.

Nobody at all.

—————

When I woke up, the sensations vanished. My head felt overly foggy and a haze occupied my thoughts. What was happening? I tried to move my arms and a rough rope cut into my tender wrists. My breath hitched in my throat and I stared, trying hard to focus past the fog occupying my eyes. My father’s enraged face floated into view.

“Fuqin?” I whispered meekly, struggling against the ropes binding me to an ancient tree. “Fuqin, wha- what is-”

My father cut me off with a backhand to my face. My head whipped to the side from the force, banging into the tree. My blood trickled into the ancient roots. I blinked black spots out of my vision, shaking my head to clear my mind.

What was happening?

“You devil child.” My father snarled, grabbing my head and shaking it roughly. “You murdered every single person in my family. Everyone!” His last words were punctuated with another backhand. My head whipped into the tree again as I let out a cry of pain, more blood dripping from my forehead into the tree.

He laughed maniacally, choking me. “I told my wife that you should be put down like the dog that you are. She insisted on keeping you alive.” His laughter ended abruptly. “Is this how you repay her? By burning her to death?!”

I simply gaped at him, the breath having left my lungs. Did I kill my mother? How in the world-

“Your yang energy burnt a hole through the house” My father sneered. Only then did I notice the villagers gathered around the tree. They all stared at me with various expressions of disgust and disdain. Whispers of devil child floated through the air, permeating it. Nausea rose to my oesophagus, every breath I took felt like dragging my throat through sandpaper. Yet I couldn’t find the words to dispel the words my father spat at me.

How ironic. I always had words to spare for my previous father.

I suppressed a bitter chuckle. It certainly wouldn’t have helped my case since I was only supposed to be an almost-four-year-old. My daddy issues from my past life seemed to have followed me here after all.

Then he stepped back, still in his fit of craze and grabbed a torch from a nearby villager. “You’ll burn just like my family did. You wretch.” The villagers called out in agreement.

A villager spoke up hesitantly. “Xu-zongzhu. Maybe you should-“ The shouts of outrage from the other villagers and a single glare from my father cut him off. “Never mind.”

“This is the demon in human form”

“It doesn’t deserve to live!”

“Kill the demon!”

The villagers cried out for my blood.

My father got closer to me. I hadn’t realised that I stopped struggling sometime when his spiel started, but when he got closer to me, the fire glinting off his eyes— I struggled harder than I ever had. Why was my second life this terrible— I hadn’t done anything bad enough in my first life to warrant a death like this in my second. I screamed.

I didn’t want to die like this. Not like this. Not like this please. Someone help—

Helpless tears left my eyes. The blood dripping from my forehead mixed with my tears and made their way down to reach the gnarled roots of the ancient tree. A separate part of my mind, disconnected from reality, lamented at the fact that such an ancient, magnificent tree had to burn down with me, for my sins alone. Sins I’d committed in this life—forget my past one.

The thought stilled me. It grounded me.

I sunk into the tree, seeking refuge from nature. No man would save me. I was fucking three physically, there was no way I could wiggle past the ropes, no way I would get past my insane father. My past life seemed insignificant now.

No way I would live past today.

I let my excess yang energy— the energy I’d leashed like a dog— spread all over my body. A warm feeling enveloped me as my fingertips pressed into the tree trunk, feeding it spiritual energy. Hopefully, it lives past this.

My father lit the bottom of the pyre where I was tied up, the fire raced across the dried roots. I closed my eyes— closing myself off from the world and just focused on the energy between the old tree and myself. A last comfort. The tree pressed back its own warm energy to me— maybe recognising its end too. Perhaps death would be less painful if I lost myself to nature.

I waited and waited for the inevitable pain. The burning sensation.

It never came. A drop of water landed on my nose. Vague sounds of screaming reached my ears. Was it mine? How could it be, if I felt no pain?

A shink sound of a sword being unsheathed brought me back to life. More drops of rain flooded my face, drowning the roaring fires near my legs. Hesitantly, I opened one eye and barely stifled a scream.

God.

It was a bloodbath.

A man moved across the field with frightening speed and slashed at another villager. In seconds, the town which had been baying for my blood— was now bathed in its own blood. My father looked stunned as he grabbed his sword— he didn’t stand a chance. The unknown man disarmed him in insignificant seconds. The rain was deafening in my ears— the fire had long burned out. My father staggered, falling into the roots and backed up in pure fear as the man loomed over him. The tears on my face mixed with the rain. The man stepped forward. His presence was imposing, intimidating and encompassing all in one.

“You dare attempt to burn a child to death?”

The voice was filled with power. A ringing filled my ears as the shock and the stress overwhelmed me once more. My child body was not equipped for this. Everything felt like it was too much and too little all at once when I fell back into the darkness’ embrace once more.

The last thing I heard was a scream, which I would realise later— was my father’s.

Chapter Text

Like a parody of my tragic life, once again I woke up due to rays of light falling on closed eyelids. Gingerly, I tried to sit up and barely stifled a scream. Pain whited out my vision and black spots crowded my eyes.

My head throbbed— it felt like someone had cracked my head open and run a truck over my body multiple times. Wincing, I sat up blinking the spots out of my eyes. My body felt strangely exhausted— like someone had sucked all my energy out with a straw. But the main thing was that for the first time in days— I didn’t feel the angry thrum of my Yang energy stretching my skin too tight.

Slowly, I moved to a sitting position— my back resting on the wall— and examined my injuries.

Ah.

My wrists were rubbed raw by the unforgiving jute rope my father had bound me in. I was still clad in my robes— but they were a shade darker in some places due to dried blood. I brought a hesitant hand to my head— my father had hit it quite hard after all— and found it bandaged.

My head did a perfect replica of a record scratch. What.

Moving faster now, I pat down my head-- feeling the bandages. Almost half my head was bandaged up.

I groaned as my muscles pulled due to disuse. There really wasn’t much opportunity for me to move around in forced seclusion. I had a feeling my dormant Yang energy also had a part to play in my bone-deep tiredness.

The door swung open suddenly, scaring the shit out of me. I jumped, knocking my head on the wall and a starburst of pain flashed into my eyes. The black spots I’d blinked out my vision returned full force. Everything felt woozy

I barely register as the man standing in the doorway drops to my height. He mutters a curse and pulls a bowl to my mouth. Vaguely, I realise that I should probably be struggling and not accepting random fluids but the pain was too much—way too much— and I drop back into the gentle embrace of unconsciousness.

The last thing I register this time was the face of a stranger staring back at me-- with more concern in his expression than I had ever been shown.

—————————————

I sip my tea with my pinkie held up as I glare suspiciously at the rogue cultivator sitting across me. The man who had slaughtered half—maybe more than half— of my village raised an eyebrow at my glare, which was-- excuse me-- definitely scary considering my weird-ass blue eyes— the only thing I had somehow inherited from my past life. It was so weird. It was quite the wonder in my clan too since none of my birth parents even showed a hint of blue eyes.

My eyes were a vivid shade of sapphire blue, fractured and underlined with darker shades of midnight blue. It was vaguely prismatic too, shimmering with lighter shades of blue when the light hit it just right. Sure, it was pretty— but it was jarring. It was unnatural. Most people found it hard to keep eye contact with me in my previous life due to the nature of my eyes. Suffice to say, I broke a vase in a tantrum when I looked in a mirror for the first time and found my eyes followed me here out of all things.

Back to the point, I look creepy as hell when I glare. The fact that this man didn’t even seem phased by it was annoying.

Ugh.

Wait a second. I was supposed to be a three-and-a-half-year-old. Shit. I don’t think three-year-olds glare?!

I eased up on the glare immediately and struggled to pull up a cute-but-angry-throw-tantrum-child look on my face.

The man’s eyebrow reached his hairline and his lips quirked up in an amused smirk. I frowned.

“Are you done with that?” He cocked his head towards my teacup.

I sipped pettily from the empty teacup and set it down. He leaned on his knees and clasped his hands together. I didn’t miss the shiny sword by his side.

“Now, tell me.” He speaks first. “Xu Shuchang was a cruel, heartless man— more a monster— but he wasn’t a monster enough to try to burn his own child without a reason. There must be a reason why half the village was baying for your blood to be spilt.”

I flinched at the remainder, my volatile three-year-old emotions acting up as tears sprang to my eyes. I tried to get them to stay there.

“It was my fault.” Suddenly, the patterns on the teacup looked very interesting. “My father seeked… vengeance.”

“Your fault? Vengeance from a child?”

His tone was incredulous, disbelieving. I couldn’t fault him for that. I mean I wouldn’t have believed it either. My brain was still struggling to put together sentences. The oolong tea helped, but I was still exhausted and my brain-to-mouth filter was not filtering.

“I was born with an excess of Yang energy. My mother found that out when she appointed a physician to check my spiritual energy. I was... forced into isolation and seclusion. My Yang energy manifested itself physically because of my excessive anger.” My voice was barely a whisper now. “It was my fault. Father told me I blew a hole through the roof and set the house on fire. Most of my family did not make it out.”

Ah, this sucked. Looks like the number of people I’ve accidentally killed was more than my age. Whoops, I guess. If I were actually three years this type of traumatic event would’ve torn me apart. Ruined me for life. But I was twenty-five— twenty-eight, really— and I was in a completely unfamiliar world. Sue me for not having a breakdown about my dead parents. My family did not give a shit about me and my father did reveal that he’d planned to kill me all along.

Wow. Really brings a new meaning to second life chances. Looks like this one might make my first life seem like a walk in a park.

Goodness I have two lifetimes worth of daddy issues.

The man— I still didn’t know his name— leaned back, thoughtful. I could practically see a million thoughts bouncing off his head. “Excess of Yang energy… it’s extremely rare— and even more so for the child to live.” He leaned forward once again, a devilish grin on his face. “Say, child— You accept me as your master. I’ll try my hand at leashing your Yang energy and teach you to control it — If you vow to follow whatever I order you to.”

“And if you can’t leash it? If I can’t control it?”

He shrugged uncaringly. “You’ll be dead. I won’t even have to kill you— your own energy would. You best hope you control it.”

For the first time since I got myself stuck in this world like yesterday’s garbage, I felt hope and a slither of excitement. A way to get control of the incessant itching under my skin?! Sign me up! I was going it control it. No way I was dying here due to energy of all things. Fuck that noise. I mirrored his grin back to him.

“An honour to be taught by you, Shizun. This disciple is called Xu Yin.”

“A pleasure indeed, xiao-Yin.”

————————————

I grunted in pain and barely evaded a blow to my midsection. The following blow to my shoulder-- which I failed to dodge-- sent a spiral of pain arching down the right side of my body. In a futile hope that my Shizun would finally realise that I was this close to falling on the ground and just making myself one with the worms, I dodged the last blow and sank to my knees.

“Please” I panted out— or atleast tried to— all that came out was gibberish which was more like “phreesh” with a lot of excessive breathing. The wooden sword creaks under my hand, protesting against my full weight resting on it. My master tutted in disapproval and borrowed my sword from under my arms where it was bent like a bow. I collapsed in a starfish pose now that my only crutch was taken away.

“You must focus on increasing your stamina, xiao-Yin. I would not like to see a disciple of mine be so weak as to succumb not to sword but to exhaustion.”

I shot my master a thumbs up from the ground to signal that I heard his wise words of wisdom and went back to trying my best to be a worm.

OW ow ow everything hurts.

I was six now, almost seven and always in pain. Woe is me.

Perhaps that was a bit dramatic. Let me rephrase.

It had been three years since when the incident happened. After a few more blown-up rooms and some very close brushes to being paste on the floor and lots and lots of burnt robes, my Shizun finally found a way to keep my Yang energy under control. My Shizun was a rogue cultivator but he was apparently well-known and well-respected among the sects. They all fell over in their way to offer the great Liu Renfeng- dragon conquerer their library and resources in return for him to kill some Big Bad Creature that they were unable to kill. A wise give-and-take policy. In the end, we found the answer we needed in an abandoned demon’s shrine. My master spent the day talking to the demon and asking questions instead of killing it. The demon was as stunned as I was by a random ass cultivator dodging fatal blows and yelling out questions instead of curses and was shocked into answering some of the questions too.

All it took to fix my condition was a joyride into a bygone king’s old treasury, fighting the manic king’s spirit that manifested in the form of a dragon— there was just something with dragons and my Shizun— and a small dose of fatal poisoning. Nothing too big.

That’s where we found out that my pain tolerance was no joke. My Yang energy tended to burn through my nerves when blood was subjected to being spilt— this successfully numbed my nerve endings enough to feel only mild pain. Of course, the bigger the wound—the bigger the pain but still, it was useful. And because the world cannot tolerate one good thing happening to me, bruises hurt just the same. Since no blood was being allowed to be out of my body, bruises still hurt like a bitch.

My Shizun had tracked down a divine object that belonged to said dragon king. It was a ring—beautifully crafted, in the colour of deepest sea blue— connected to my wrist through a thin chain that was almost invisible with how thin it was. The chain had endings with both the ring and a thick gold band studded with a single rust-red ruby. It was overloaded with Yin energy— the whole thing just dripped Yin energy. It even sizzled when it came in contact with my Yang-overloaded blood. A bond with a spiritual weapon was formed. The ring was a conduit for blood magic or as Shizun called it— Blood cultivation. Cultivation as in golden cores.

Yeah, that’s another can of worms to unpack. I was in a goddamn Chinese xianxia novel.

I had a stroke when my Shizun offhandedly commented that we would be passing through Qinghe to get to the bygone king’s old temple. Qinghe? QINGHE? Like Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation Qinghe?! As my luck had it, I’d plopped down in the universe smack before the Sunshot Campaign. No way I’d be able to sleep through it pulling the young-child-please-help card. I would be well in my teens when that particular phase decides to hit me like a truck.

Honestly, the only thing that kept me from screaming my lungs out and running away like a wimp was the one consolation that I was not in Attack on Titan. I would take demonic Wei Wuxian over man-eating Titans any day thank you very much. It would be much easier to wave a sword in comparison to flying through the air dodging giant projectiles that think you’re tasty.

Such a relief.

My ring was named Luòhuā liúshuǐ which translates to Falling blossom and running water. My Shizun informed me that it also means “to suffer utter defeat” and used to be a symbolic harbinger of the ancient king and his presence. So cool.The name of the ring was engraved in the golden band.

Luohua was so awesome. The chain connected to the band proved as a lever. Every time I flicked my wrist or bent my fingers into a fist, a small knife popped out of the band. It had a mini rope dart bound by another thin inextensible chain. It was razor-sharp and small enough to be perfect for stealth. The rope-dart chain slid into my hands every time I flicked my wrist.

That being said, I did have my meltdown.

But we’re all well and good now! It’s okay! I just avoid canon! I’m in denial and canon does not exist if I do not see it!

My main objective now was to either pick myself off the ground or just roll to the house like the worm I am. I even wiggle like one.

I decided to just lie there and take a nap.

When I woke up again, the sun was crawling across the west. I was no longer on the dry hard ground but in one of the bamboo chaises set out on the verandah of our house. I groaned and rolled to a side. My body protested with every motion.

Truthfully speaking, the current state I was in was my own fault. My Shizun set a punishing schedule for me during the day which turned my muscles into wet noodles but I was supposed to turn them back into spaghetti sticks by sleeping. Sleeping. My mild-insomnia from my past life had not followed me so I had no excuse but to stay awake until the witching hour-- but there was just no time. Whatever time I didn’t spend training, I spent studying. All the books on cultivation and golden cores which my master "borrowed" from the sects’ library had incredibly complex information and techniques that blew my tiny vegetable brain.

Blood cultivation was a whole new battlefield that my Shizun had forbidden me to practise until I fully developed my golden core. The one time I tried under his careful supervision had ended up with me inches away from death and a whole lot of blood loss. Luohua and its Yin energy did not let up in matters of blood. It sapped at my Yang energy until I Qi-deviated. It was such a pity that blood transfusions didn’t exist in this era yet.

My schedule for every day was just this: Stamina practice— run around the whole 10-acre land— which is a lot harder than it sounds— Weapon and technique practise — I usually favoured my long daggers. I loved the naginata but it was too long for my tiny body. What a pity. After weapon practice and training came meditation. I hated it. So much. The amount of patience it needed to truly feel the effect was just unimaginable. I couldn’t even slack off and think of other things while I was meditating— I tried that the first few times and my master immediately found out since my spiritual energy was bullshit— so, proper meditation and clearing of thoughts it is. After meditation came strength training. To top it all off was the once-in-a-while spar with my master where he checks my progress level. Of course, my schedule was adjusted daily to fit the needs of the day but this was the basics.

The first time when Shizun informed me about the schedule, he looked surprised that I hadn’t collapsed on the spot and even offered me a congratulatory head pat. God even thinking about my schedule made me more tired. This hellish schedule has been my everyday bread since I turned five. I really should’ve reconsidered accepting his offer to obey his every order. But, I was nothing if not a workaholic masochist so I attacked my schedule with gusto— even added nighttime reading to it.

In all seriousness though, the schedule was doing wonders. I was stronger than I’d ever been and for all that my Shizun likes to shit on my stamina, I could hold my own in a fight for a long time very well.

“Finally awake, xiao-Yin?”

My Shizun placed down a tray of tasty-smelling food and my mouth salivated inwardly. I waited for my master to take his own share and start eating before I attacked my food like a dog. I might be a dog with a part-time job as a worm but I was a dog with manners.

“Your golden core is coming along nicely. It’s quite strong for someone your age.” He raised an eyebrow. “You might happen to be a stronger cultivator than me in the future after all.”

I grinned. There was nothing more satisfying than a hard day of work and having the person you admired most— not that I would ever tell him that— acknowledge your efforts.

“I could never hope to be able to surpass Shizun in his talents. After all, he isn’t called the dragon conquerer for nothing.” I demurred.

“That one dragon Yao will haunt me until the day I’m dead”. Shizun groaned. “I don’t know why it’s that demon out of all the others. I hated that one the most. And the unofficial title! It’s preposterous.”

“You killed a massive dragon Yao when you were in your teens— the one which nobody had been able to kill” I pointed out. “The only reason you don’t have an official title is because Shizun is a rogue cultivator.”

“Good thing that.” My master scoffed. “Do you truly believe I could be a part of a sect and get away with murdering half your village? Nobody knows it was me only because I’m a rogue cultivator.”

I had to concede defeat to that. Truly, the number of murders Shizun has committed cannot be counted with the fingers in all my limbs. All of them were justified and deserved of course, but look what happened to Wei Wuxian— or rather what would happen to Wei Wuxian. The sects—especially the five great sects were full of arrogant assholes who thought they were the next best thing to happen to this world after fire.

Shizun preferred to stay out of the sects and their territories unless he absolutely had to. By proxy, I also grew up these past years not having a wink of any canon characters—which was very fine by me, hallelujah!— and living in a quaint village.

The village head was an old woman well aware of Shizun’s history. They had this give-and-take policy where my master would wipe out any spirit or monstrous creature dumb enough to step into the territory—or send me if it was small enough— and in return, the village would provide him with all food and materials we needed for survival since he was god awful at cooking. The food I was eating now was probably prepared by Chun-guniang next door. I learnt the hard way never to eat my master’s cooking unless he was brewing herbs. Never again.

Since I was god awful at cooking too, we had to depend on the villagers for food.

Ha.

To do my part, I would help the villagers with anything they needed. The women in the village loved to coo at me and my adorable chibi face when I came to chat and buy fruits and I’d help their husbands with either carrying things across the village or generally being the designated deliverer.

A small smile spread on my face. This was peaceful. Maybe I was too quick in judging this world. Maybe my shit luck had left me to go haunt someone else.

———————————————

Nope. No way. I was absolutely wrong. My shit luck was right here with me. The moment I thought Hey! looks like it’s smooth sailing for me! life decided to nope and sent a tsunami at me.

Nothing else could describe why I was rushing through the mountain pass between Qinghe and Qishan distracting a bunch of Wen guards and trying desperately to lose them in the dense thicket.

Woe is me.

Maybe I should rewind just a bit.

It all started as a sunny day with me in my usual worm pose after an exhausting run and my master’s usual sigh of Disapproval when a letter addressed to my master arrived. I wasn’t privy to the contents of the letter but it certainly wasn’t any good considering how part of the letter was crushed under my Shizun’s white-knuckled grip. The next thing I knew, I was deposited on Shizun’s sword like a sack of potatoes and we took off to the mountain pass between Qinghe and Qishan.

It wasn’t my first time going on a ride in a sword but it was certainly my first going so fast. The trees zipped to blurs below us and the wind hit my face like a baseball bat. I clutched my master’s leg like a koala the entire ride and barely resisted screaming.

The second we landed, Shizun shook me off his leg and took off running towards a random direction. I cursed, running after him with wobbly legs and stumbled in a crash when he halted.

My breath hitched as my lungs functioned to a stop.

The scene when we came to a stop clogged my throat. Literally. An entire village was in ruins— wait that wasn’t a village that was a sect— and Wens in Qishan red littered the area with a poisonous presence.

What in the everloving fuck.

Bodies were everywhere. The Wens were propping up massive piles of bodies to burn. I tried to peep up for a better view to understanding whatever the hell was happening. Was this the time when the Wens started attacking and annexing the sects around them? Was I at that phase already?!

My Shizun inhaled sharply and pulled me down. “Quiet.” He hissed. “We cannot be found here.”

He squinted at the bloody scene and his eyes widened infinitesimally in shock which is the most surprise I’d ever seen on him— I was starting to get a little concerned now and— “Is that Zhao Zhuliu?”

I slowly lifted my head above the bushes and squinted. A man in black robes stood out in a sea of Qishan red. He looked like he was in his early twenties and was standing a good few feet away from the Wen soldiers dragging bodies to pile up. I let my eyes roam over the sword strapped to his side and— holy shit that was Wen Zhuliu?! His face wasn’t as stoic and emotionless as it would be when he attacks Lotus Pier in the future. He actually looked a little perturbed by the actions of a Wen soldier who was disrespecting the broken mangled body of a cultivator— but made no move to stop it.

A strong wave of dislike spread through me. A coward now and a coward in the future.

“xiao-Yin, stay here.” My Shizun fixed me with a stern glare in a way he had never before. The grip on his sword tightened. ”If you get caught by the Wens, you will be as good as dead. I need to retrieve a few extremely important books from the sect library. I do not wish to hear anything but your agreement Xu Yin!” His glare strengthened when he spied the look on my face. I sat back down sullenly. “The only reason you will get out of this place is if you are caught. And that should not happen. Use Luohua to protect yourself if the situation calls for it. Meet me in Xinji if I do not return in a day.”

He grabbed the dagger strapped to his leg and handed it to me. “Stay safe, A-Yin. I would not like to see my disciple dead before she reaches her full potential.”

I grabbed the dagger and nodded resolutely. Of course, Shizun! You can trust xiao-Yin! I had no intention of being a hero and getting my golden core evaporated, thank you!

My Shizun mounted his sword and took off to the side of the mountain.

A few hours passed by. For the first time in years, a trickle of fear set in my bones. Never had my Shizun ever left me alone for elongated periods. His presence had started to feel like home to me and now it was being forcibly ripped away.

I chuckled dryly, trying to get rid of the jitters and numbness in my arms. Does my melodrama have no end? It’ll all be fine, Shizun will be fine and he’ll be back before tomorrow… and that was a Wen soldier right in front of me wasn’t it. My eyes crossed to focus on the sword touching the tip of my nose.

Ah.

Why is my life like this?

Chapter Text

I grunted, feeling like a character in Super Mario Bros as I jumped over the trees like they were hurdles and evaded Wens with too long hands. Maybe a good bonk would give me some height. The Wen soldier who’d been the bright egg to find me originally now scrambled to keep up as I slipped through defences. In just a few seconds—and after a few complicated evasive manoeuvres— I beelined for the treeline—hey that rhymes!— and plunged into the dark thicket.

Behind me, the Wen guard called out for reinforcements. A dozen yells answered him back. My heart sunk to my feet. RIP Xu Yin. Dead by doing nothing. For god’s sake I haven’t even had to chance to use one of Oogway’s quotes at the right time. That fueled my resolve. Yep. Cannot die here. Besides, my Shizun would be pissed too. I could almost hear him say—“I cannot accept a disciple of mine falling not in a proper fight to death but to Wens. Pathetic.”— or something along those lines.

A branch almost took my head off, forcing me to concentrate on the dangerous path I was taking. The Wens had an obvious advantage over me— they had swords. Those cool, flying cultivator swords. The only way I could outrun them or outpace them was to make use of the trees and the environment.

I pulled a thick branch off a tree without stopping— the strength training was finally paying off thank god— and stopped abruptly, holding the branch out like a pole. The Wen who had the bad luck of following me crashed into it. I winced at the sound of his nose being crunched.

Without stopping, I jumped over him fluidly and continued running west of my original direction. Wasn’t there supposed a town nearby or something? Shouts of outrage filled the air as the other Wens found the Wen I’d incapacitated.

A thought crossed my mind and I almost stumbled, staggering slightly. What if Wen Zhuliu was one of those chasing me? The thought is disregarded immediately. If it were Wen Zhuliu after me, I’d be caught already. Besides, my golden core was still in its baby stage. It wouldn’t matter to the Core Melting Hand.

Hopefully.

A heave escaped my lips as I crashed into an unseemly tree and stumbled head-first out of the thicket. More curses escaped as I squinted against the bright sunlight blinding me.

A few miles away, columns of smoke rose into the air. The town! Holy hell those map lessons were not in vain!

I channelled my inner Forrest Gump and sprinted full force towards the smoke rising. My breath was laboured due to over-exertion. God. I really had to get one of those spiritual swords! Distinctly, I could pick up the Wens yelling as they tried to figure out where I went.

I stumbled into the town, startling half the townspeople. Without sparing a glance, I vaulted over a low wall, settling in an inconspicuous alley to catch my breath. Barely few minutes pass before angry Wen voices boom around the direction I came from.

I groan weakly, getting up for another bout of hard-core running. I barely make it a few steps out before a hand claps over my mouth and pulls me into a house. My eyes widen and I struggle, pulling at the forearm of the person grabbing me and instinctively judo-flip them.

It was a… boy? He looked like he was my age— my physical age. A wee seven-year-old.

I gape in shock for a full five seconds before reality bonks me. The boy’s eyes widen and he claps a hand over my mouth again—right on time too— muffling my scream. I bite his hand and he pulls away with a shocked yelp.

“What is wrong with you?!” He yells in anger, albeit silently— minding the Wens outside. Oh, shit the Wens outside— “I just saved your life and first you attack me and then you bite me?!”

“Nobody told you to save my life” I snap back.

“Feel free to go right outside then” He glares at me, cradling his hand. “I’m sure the Wens won’t mind little bites as long as you’re a slave.”

He kind of had a point there. I still glared back pettily.

“Why did you save me?” I ask softer this time, very mindful of the footfalls outside and the Wen soldier yelling about a short child.

Wow. Fuck them. I wasn’t short, I’ll grow into it! I swear I will! I even drink all my milk like a good future tall child.

“Don’t have a reason. I want to be a healer in the future. Have to start saving lives somewhere.” He shrugged. “You just looked like you were in the same boat as I was and I… hate seeing more sects fall to the Wens.” The amount of venom as he punctuated his last words made me recoil inwardly.

Who was this kid and why did he hate the Wens so much?! Was he not an NPC like me?

“Zhao Yu” He offered.

“Xu Yin.” I accepted the olive branch.

“Xu as in Wudang Xu sect?” He raised an eyebrow. “Wasn’t everyone there massacred by some anomaly? Nobody’s been able to find the reason why half the village was blown up and the other half looked like they were murdered.”

I scratched my head sheepishly. “I was the only survivor. I… uh was away when that happened.”

Sure. If by away you meant exploding and passing out then yes, I was away indeed. Obviously, I wasn’t going to reveal my tragic backstory to a random kid. That was just asking for trouble. I was much smarter than those dumb protagonists in those movies.

Something in the back of my brain told me that his name was important but I dismissed it.

I was an NPC anyway. Who cares about remembering stuff? My life purpose at this point was to run far away from canon.

He shot me a look that clearly said he didn’t believe me but dropped it. Or rather, the intruding Wen in the doorway made him drop it.

My mouth went through a complicated set of motions as I stared at the Wen like a deer in headlights.

“Er…”

“Do you mind?” Zhao Yu snapped. “Was your education so backwards you were grown without manners? How dare you randomly burst into a house like a beast?!”

The Wen soldier was stunned by the sheer arrogance and self-importance in Zhao Yu’s voice that he missed me completely. I crept from behind him and gave a good whack to his head with a nearby vase.

Zhao Yu sighed as he gazed at the fallen Wen in disgust. I quickly slide the doors shut. “I really do hate the Wens.”

“That voice. Were you a sect heir by any chance?” My question was sarcastic, not really expecting an answer as I fumbled through the Wen soldier’s pockets for money.

His wallet was a little pathetic but money was money. I pocketed half and offered the other half to Zhao Yu absently.

“I just imagined what my A-Jie would have said” He answered wryly, accepting his half. “She used this tone whenever she wanted to win an argument with my gege”

Now I might have the emotional range of a snail but I didn’t miss the use of past tense when my new friend referred to his sister.

“We might want to leave though.” He gestured towards the Wen napping away and pulled a straw hat from the coat hanger in the corner. “His friends are gonna come looking soon.”

I just stayed there for a second—mouth opening and closing, trying to process what just happened in the last few minutes when Zhao Yu raised an eyebrow.

“Are you coming or not? I’m won’t be waiting for you.”

I have never moved faster in my life than I did at that moment.

———————————————————

My Shizun looked at me with his trademark What the fuck xiao-Yin expression. I probably deserved it this time.

I had one knocked-out Zhao Yu thrown over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and I probably looked like I crawled through a forest like an actual worm. Which I did.

Zhao Yu, it seemed, was fantastic with routes. He remembered every alley and lane we cut through to avoid the Wens. After we escaped from the village was the main problem. While I knew the route to Xijing like the back of my hand, I didn’t know how to get past said route since it was crawling with Wens. Zhao Yu came to our rescue and pointed out a much stealthier and more subtle way.

The way was too subtle.

I ended up having to battle a boar Yao thirty minutes after walking into the forest and eviscerated like three mildly fierce spirits while Zhao Yu shouted out mildly helpful suggestions occasionally from his place on a tree branch where he cleaned his nails.

“Shut up!” I screamed, having been tossed around by the boar Yao like a frisbee. “Why are you not helping?!”

“I’m a healer” He looked at me dubiously— like I was the stupid one. “I don’t fight.”

Granted, he did jump down from the tree and stabbed straight through the boar Yao when it almost gored me to death but still. He got knocked out by the fierce spirits when I accidentally yeeted one in his direction.

The elation at seeing him drop like a rock did not last long once I realised I was going to have to drag his ass all the way to Xijing.

Thank god we were three-quarters through the way. I had to drag Zhao Yu all the way to the inn where my Shizun had booked a room.

Now, as my Shizun stared down at me, I just innocently smiled.

“What did you do this time.” The long-suffering sigh was totally undeserved.

“This is my friend.” I patted Zhao Yu’s back. “He’s homeless too.”

“You made a friend?!” My Shizun gasped and held a hand to his chest. “And to think I thought you’ll die alone after the way you sent little Qui running that time…”

You can clearly see where I learn my dramatics from.

“This disciple will endeavour to get more friends than Shizun has. This one believes her goal is achieved”

Shizun sighed, melancholy in faux hurt. “Low blow xiao-Yin. Looks like I’ve taught you well after all. Besides, you’re wrong. This Shizun has more friends. You’ve just never met them is all.”

The look I give him makes it clear that I don’t believe him.

I dump Zhao Yu on the table like the sack of potatoes he is.

“Even so if he’s homeless,” My master said in a more serious tone. “We must let him decide whether to accompany us back him. You will not influence him into making a choice A-Yin.”

“Understood.”

“Well,” My master gave Zhao Yu a cursory glance. “Did he tell you his name and why he’s like this?”

“He got knocked out by a fierce corpse while we were in the forest. As for his history… well, the Wen sect certainly plays a role— he hates them with a passion.”

“The Wens? Hmm, maybe they got to his sect— wait, forest? Why were you in the forest?”

“Oh. That.” I avoided Shizun’s gaze and mumbled— “IkindagotcaughtbytheWens.”

“Speak clearly, Xu Yin.”

Oh no he pulled out the full name card. I was in deep shit.

“I... er… might’ve been found out by the Wen sect?”

My master’s face clouded over in anger and thinly veiled disappointment.

I jumped to rectify my error. “I didn’t move! I swear! One of the guards just found me and—“

“While I was hoping that would not happen, I’m glad you’ve managed to escape.” He sighed again. “I would’ve had to cut through half the Wen’s in that camp if you’d gotten yourself caught.” He shot me a pointed look. “I almost did when I didn’t find you where I left you.”

Once again, I found myself speechless by his concern. My Shizun was by no means selfless— truly, the only reason he saved me was because my father’s actions went against his morals and he was intrigued by me. It was done on a whim. By now, he certainly cared for me— which was clear, even to my emotionally dense self— but him actually displaying his affection was rarer than a flying pig. I could count on one hand how many times he’s expressed concern for me.

It was… liberating to know at least one person cared whether I lived or died in this world.

I cleared my throat. I was allergic to emotions and preferred to stay far away, thank you. “The boy— his name is Zhao Yu.”

My master did a double take. “Zhao Yu? Are you sure that’s his name?”

I frowned, racking my memory, “—Yes?”

“And?”

“—Is he important?”

My master facepalmed. Clearly, reacting to my dumbness had won over his rigid manners. “Remind me to improve your memory and situational awareness when we get home.”

I shot my master a thumbs-up vowing to never remind him. Right on time, Zhao Yu groaned, almost rolling off the table.

“What in the world? Fuck. Everything hurts.”

“Welcome back to the living!” I greeted cheerily.

Zhao Yu took one look at me and pretended to faint again.

Wow. Rude. I see how it is.

Shizun cleared his throat, bringing Zhao Yu’s attention to him. Instantly, the boy jumped up like a hissing cat and knocked half the utensils off the table. The inn-master shot us a dirty look.

“What have you done?!” He hissed at me.

“What do you mean?” I frowned. “This is my Shizun”

“So you’re not like me?” Zhao Yu’s face went through a stroke as he suffered multiple emotions at the same second. “You haven’t been abandoned?”

Abandoned? What exactly did this kid go through for heaven’s sake?

“Nope” I answered cheerfully. “I have been, but Shizun rescued me.”

My master nodded. “My name is Liu Renfeng. If you choose to, I’ll take you to a place which is capable of offering you sanctuary” A pointed look. “From whomever you’re running from.”

Zhao Yu flinched at the remainder and his jaw dropped open wide. “The dragon conquerer Liu Renfeng? Am I hallucinating?!”

I burst out laughing. My master massaged his forehead in resignation. “I told you that title is never leaving you!”

Zhao Yu’s head swivelled between us. “Is this real?! You’re Liu Renfeng?” A sharp nod. He sank into the chair.

A few seconds pass. Both my master and I stay silent as Zhao Yu thinks over our offer.

“I can’t trust you.” He speaks hesitantly after a good few minutes. “But, I’ll accept your offer— if only for the fact that I’ve been run out of the village I stay in.”

I felt a stab of guilt at that. It was my fault that Zhao Yu had gotten caught, wasn’t it?

“Fantastic” Shizun clapped his hands together. “Now that this is sorted out, we’ll all sleep well before returning. Don’t think I’ve forgotten your punishment xiao-Yin. I’ve always told you your stealth is downright awful.”

I sighed. It really wasn’t my fault.

Woe is me.

———————————————

Zhao Yu and I were two peas in a pod. We got on like a house on fire. Sure, it took a while for him to warm up to me, and I to him but we kind of lived together. It was inevitable. So was the chaos that followed. The village was just used to us by this point. Shizun has had to meet with the village elder to apologise for our crimes so much— like a disappointed parent meeting a principal— and we were so familiar with the old lady that I’d started calling her popo. Zhao Yu was aghast at the informality.

If the villagers liked me, they loved Zhao Yu. Unlike my antisocial people-repellent communication skills, Zhao Yu was a natural-born charmer. He managed to sweet-talk so many people into giving him herbs and medicine which he needed to practise to eventually become a healer. (It wasn’t free. My wallet is ten times lighter after his last shopping trip). Shizun was glad to buy books on healing from sect libraries when he made his trips to get me more training manuals.

I was quite proficient in three weapons now. The sword— of course, bow-and-arrow— would be a disgrace if I wasn’t good at that, and finally, my favourite weapon— the polearm.

It was very, very rare for people in the cultivator era to use weapons other than swords. Notable other types of spiritual weapons were few and far— Zidian being one of the whip types. My master was one of the very few who wielded a spear.

Jiǔsǐ yīshēng ‘Escaping nine deaths’. Holy shit that spear was a masterpiece. It was true beauty and grace and just wow.

Strictly speaking, it wasn’t exactly a spear. It was a naginata. Or that’s the closest to how it looks. The naginata originated in Japan so I didn’t know the defined name for my master’s spear in Chinese. But it’s exactly like a naginata.

It was custom designed by a master bladesmith who owed my master a favour. It was a beast of a weapon. Loaded with enough spiritual energy to pit itself against even Zidian which has aeons of history— it was a monster. I’ve seen it cleave through a boulder like it was cheese.

It had two wickedly sharp tips. That’s right, it was a double-edged naginata— FINALLY, a weapon with both sides for stabby-stab purposes— and the handle split the weapon’s smooth body symmetrically in the middle and was elaborately carved in beautiful dragon designs. It was perfectly light too, the dark oak coming in handy.

That naginata is the whole reason why I picked up spears. I’m sure my Shizun knows exactly why I’ve gained a sudden appreciation for long-ranged weapons after a night hunt watching the naginata in action to slaughter a particularly violent fierce corpse.

Forbidden memories loom up in my head. My father’s maniacal laugh, his fear-filled scream, the shink of a weapon being unsheathed— a glint of a double-edged—

“Xu Yin!” Zhao Yu calls from his place on top of Chun-guniang’s roof. “Pass the goddamn hay, I’ve asked three times already! I have to fix this before evening! Are you deaf?!”

I curse at him in response but pass the hay.

Now newly eleven years old and en route to getting my courtesy name and official sword in a few days, there are very few things that can dampen my excitement. Zhao Yu will also be getting his courtesy name along with me— since he was only born about half a year before me— and his sword. As was the custom in this village, the village head would give the children their custom names with their guardian or parent’s permission and suggestion. I was excited to know my courtesy name. Maybe it’s something badass. Like slayer.

Besides weapon training, my body strength was out of the goddamn world. At least my last one. I was stronger here at eleven than I was at twenty-five in my past life. My golden core was powerful for my age— the only compliment I could wrangle out of my Shizun, man hoards them like he’s a dragon— and I was well on my way to becoming an extremely successful rogue cultivator!

Hopefully, this means I could become a violent hermit and live through the Sunshot campaign.

That reminds me.

Life Plan right now was to stay far far away from canon. Never meet the protagonist and his violent angry grape brother and possessive boyfriend and just become a wandering hermit and preach about non-violence while swinging around a violent knife.

I know it’s pretty unlikely that I’ll not be dragged into the mess, but I could remain a background NPC in the war. After all, Xu Yin was never there in the novel. Nobody important. A good ol’ useless extra. Preferably an alive extra.

By a rough estimate, the Sunshot Campaign should not be due for another four years— that should be more than enough time to make me as OP as possible.

Maybe I could join Nie Mingjue and help Qinghe. I’d be strong enough for that.

I thought I’d stay on the sidelines and pop in when needed.

Boy did I not know the war would hit me like a fucking plane.

Chapter Text

“Rise, Bai Ming, courtesy— Kexin.” The old village head smiled at the girl kneeling a few places away as Bai Ming—Bai Kexin now— rose with a flush on her cheeks as she accepted her courtesy name. She bowed formally to the village head once and then again, this time facing the elders. She walked towards the old woman and sank to her knees once more as she was presented with her cultivator sword. I watched, stifling a smile as Bai Kexin’s eyes seemed to shine like the sun after seeing her sword. All that excitement didn’t sap her gracefulness though. With manners befitting a true daughter of the richest family in the village, she accepted her sword from the village head and elegantly stepped away to join the other children who’d gained their courtesy names today.

“Rise, Ye Ju, courtesy Longwei.” I store the names in my subconsciousness as more people are called up, nervousness enveloping my figure. Why am I even nervous I’m thirty f—

“Rise, Xu Yin, courtesy—Suyin.” Oh my god, that was me. I had to get up now. Oh shit this is it.

I try to get up gracefully, trying to mimic what Bai Kexin had done. Suyin. It rolled off my tongue easily. I had a courtesy name now. My brain chanted a mantra of never-ending oh my gods. I bow before the head and then the elders. My nervousness in this situation tapers away when I catch my Shizun’s proud brilliant grin. A smile forms on my face as the village head presents before me my sword, gasps spread across the room upon observing the sword— and wow.

Just wow.

Shizun had been extremely secretive regarding both mine and Zhao Yu’s swords. We’d tried every method on the manual to needle at least some information about it— but to no avail. He had been firm in the fact that the swords were a surprise and they better remain as such—No, xiao-Yin you cannot track down the weaponsmith for your sword— and also—Absolutely not, A-Yu. I expected these types of ideas from A-Yin but to think they come from you?. That particular comment had sent Zhao Yu reeling and he had rigidly ensured I don’t pull tricks to find out about my sword.

The suspense was worth it.

The hilt itself was a work of art. Elegantly wrapped in a thin spiralling metal, the emeralds scattered along glinted in the sunlight. Swirling geometric patterns covered the entirety of it. Placed along the base of the handle was the beautiful design of a qilin. it was encrusted with gems in all the right places that made it look otherwordly but not ostentatious. The qilin’s tail connected with the rest of the coiled metal, giving it a look of a resting dragon. The end of the handle curved back into a pommel just as elegant as the rest of the blade. It was dappled with geometric patterns and runes that closely resembled leaves.

And that was just the hilt.

The blade attached to the sword had my breath stuck with its sheer beauty. A long and sweeping blade, leaf thin and etched with carvings that spoke a story. A sheen of the lightest silver seemed to glint off the metal. It was beautiful. It was exquisite. It looked so delicate. And it was supposed to be mine?!

I turned to look back at my master in complete shock— all customs and manners forgotten. The way half the room was staring at him in the same way, I doubted anyone would reprimand me for lacking grace. My master nodded, his face uncharacteristically serious. It’s yours— his eyes seemed to be conveying. I dragged my gaze back to the blade. The village head watched me with a shrewd expression that slowly bloomed into a bright smile as I accepted the blade with shaking hands. It was impossibly light. I moved to stand next to the other children. Bai Kexin glared at me with thinly veiled jealousy. Her blade, which had been the most exquisite one presented till now, looked like a haystick next to mine.

I met Zhao Yu’s eyes and he shot me a wide smirk.

Half the people were still staring at me in utter shock. I could almost hear their thoughts. Why in the world is brash, rough Xu Yin being presented with a blade that looked like that— I had no idea either. My Shizun stared ahead resolutely, but I could notice the small quirk on his lips. He was enjoying this fully.

A few more people passed and then it was Zhao Yu’s turn. I perked up, forgetting about my sword for a second.

“Rise, Zhao Yu, courtesy—Zhenyu.” Zhenyu. Zhenyu. It fit him. I didn’t know what it meant, but the name fit him. I could tell that he agreed with that statement as he wrestled a grin back into a solemn face as he bowed before moving to accept his sword. The people, who’d just gotten over the shock of my blade went into shock again at seeing Zhao Yu—Zhenyu’s.

It was quite simple in comparison to mine, beautiful by normal standards of course, but what drew their attention was that the blade was comprised of intermixed metals. One was of silvery cast, shaped into a sleek design with patterns and runes etched on it just like mine, but the secondary metal, comprised of a dull cast with sweeping smooth edges. The handle was snowflake white. The handle colour should’ve clashed with the darkness of the two-metal blade, but it fit so well that it would’ve been just wrong and unnatural to try any other colour. If swords could radiate vibes I’d say his looked serene.

He accepted his blade with more grace than Bai Kexin could ever dream of achieving and took his place at my side. If he moved a little closer to let his hand brush mine reassuringly before moving back, no one would know.

And certainly, no one would know if there were tiny pricks in my eyes.

————————————

After hounding my Shizun about the absolutely otherwordly blades— (“I did tell you it would be a worthy surprise” “Yeah, but it wasn’t supposed to be this pretty!”)— Zhao Yu Zhenyu— that was gonna take some getting used to— immersed ourselves in research for the best sword name ever.

Yeah. Wei Wuxian could have his Suibian and his silly names. I was gonna pick something pretty.

Finally, I ended up naming my sword Sēnlín. Written 森林 and meaning “forest”— it looked as pretty as it sounded. And it certainly fits my sword with its emerald green theme and designed handle. My master had raised an eyebrow in approval when he heard the name— (“A good name. I thought you’d name it something ridiculous.” “Shizun. Why do you have no trust in me?!”)— and had taken it away along with Zhao Yu’s to get it engraved from his secret weaponsmith whose identity he refused to divulge until the sword matter was done. Zhao Yu had named his sword xuěhuā meaning snowflake in honour of its snow-white handle.

A pretty good name even though I’d never say it to his face.

My courtesy name was cool too. Elegant. Zhao Yu’s sounded cooler and had a more badass meaning but I will maintain the fact that mine is just better. Out of pure spite.

Our training became more intense than ever. My eleventh to twelfth year was spent working myself to exhaustion during the day and passing out as soon as I hit the bed at night. Wake up early, rinse, repeat. My master was harsher than ever with my weapon’s training. Now that I had my sword, I’d been subjected to being at the end of Jiusi’s tip far more times than I could count. And every time, I had to get up and practise the same manoeuvre until I could do it dead in my sleep. Zhenyu spent his days poring over medicine and medical books and his evenings sparring with Shizun, improving his own swordsmanship. Getting a sword did wonders for his motivation.

Even though I was too exhausted to think about more than training and—ow how do I get rid of the bruises from getting beat up before I get more tomorrow— Zhenyu give me one of your medicines PLEASE— there was a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that something big was about to unfold. Watching Shizun get tenser with every week that passed by certainly wasn’t helping relieve the suspicions.

Although, all of those abruptly stopped when Shizun announced we were going to Lanling.

“Lanling?” I gaped. “Lanling as in those wealthy Jin pricks?!”

“Do you know any other Lanling?” My master didn’t even bother to raise an eyebrow as he continued to pack. He was too used to my dumbness.

“But why?!”

I stood in the middle of the room like a useless pillar as Zhenyu flit around me, grabbing all his books and herbs and whatever medicine he carried with him everywhere.

“I’ve received a request from the Jin Sect Leader to deal with a particularly fierce Bāshé which has grown enough to swallow elephants whole without a problem. It sounded challenging enough.” Shizun answered without even looking at me and continuing to pack up.

“A Bashe” I picked my jaw up from the ground. “They’re legendary! Where’d the Jins even meet one?”

“Some idiot trod on its territory and pissed it off. It used to be somewhere in a closed-off jungle, but now moved near Lanling for a hunt.”

Oh. Of course, it was a Jin idiot. That also explains why Shizun was called to deal with it. He was quite the expert on slaying legendary beasts. “And what compensation is Jin Guangshan willing to offer?”

At this, Shizun looked at me and a familiar devil’s grin spread on his face. “Whatever I wish for. Lanling’s coffers are open to me—conditionally, of course— as long as I slaughter the Bashe without much ruin to the surroundings.”

My mouth formed an O in understanding.

“They’ve also promised access to the library.” Zhenyu sighed dreamily. “Imagine the number of medicinal books a great Sect’s library would contain.”

I glanced at the dreamy expression on his face in disgust. “I sure hope there’s only gold in there.” His resting bitch face returned as he glared at me.

I didn’t wanna go to Lanling! I was trying to limit canon character interactions here, thank you very much! Getting on any Jin’s radar would be bad bad for me.

Wait. Maybe I could just stay away! If I saw a canon character, I could just turn back and nope out of there. Nothing bad would happen. Surely this was a good time to start being a glass-half-full person.

It’ll be fine!

——————————————

It was not fine.

It was not fine at all.

“Kill me.” Zhenyu wheezed like a dying pig. “Please. I don’t want to suffer any more.”

I looked to where he was sprawled over on the stairs. He resembled a flopping fish out of the water and he flopped head-first onto the gold-encrusted stairs of the Koi Tower— not giving two shits about decorum.

“Suyin,” Zhenyu begged. “Suyin, pick me up and carry me the rest of the way, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Wait.” I panted heavily, leaning heavily on the gold-plated railing. It was more of laying on the railing at this point. “Give me two minutes for rest. Or like two years. And fuck you. No. I will not carry you up.”

“Can we just roll down? I don’t wanna go up anymore. Forget the books.”

I peeped past Zhenyu’s dead flop. It was a long way down.

“A-Yin, A-Yu!” Shizun’s voice called out from his rounds on the carriage. My head snapped up. My face resembled a pure urge to murder as I glared daggers at the man when he waved at us tauntingly. “Be faster! I’m on my third round now. What am I supposed to tell the guards?”

“You could take us with you!” I screamed, hauling up Zhenyu’s groaning form and letting him hug the railing. “We’re not even allowed to walk at a fast pace!”

My Shizun stared at us judgementally as he passed us by. “Somehow I don’t think the rules against walking fast would be a problem.”

My answering scream resulted in his mad cackles filling the air as he waved till he was a speck in the distance.

“Get up,” I grunted, heaving Zhenyu up out of pure spite. He grunted in response. “We’re going to do this.”

“No.” Zhenyu dropped to hug at the railings again and slithered to the floor like a worm. “I’ll stay here. Leave me be.”

I did not leave him be.

————

An hour later, I dragged up Zhenyu’s ass to the last of the stairs and collapsed. He sank to his knees next to me and dropped like a rock. The guards there shot me sympathetic looks. I doubted there was anybody on duty right now who didn’t know about the great and mysterious rogue cultivator Liu Renfeng who’d brought two poor kids with him and left them to walk up the stairs while he went on six rounds on the carriage just to point and laugh.

Apparently, I looked dead enough that one of the guards took pity on me and sent a servant to fetch Zhenyu and I a pitcher full of water. Zhenyu guzzled it down like he’d worked in the desert for years. I glared daggers at him. My ass he worked. I’d dragged him up half the stairs mouthing expletives while he groaned and grunted in tandem. There was a reason I told him to not skip endurance training. Bitch made me carry him up.

It was incredibly improper to lie before the doors of the prestigious Koi Tower while cosplaying dead fish. Some people were already starting to shoot us dirty looks. Since it appeared that Zhenyu’s soul had returned to his body with that cup of water. He went bright red at the shamelessness and lack of manners of it all and dragged me across half the garden to deposit me on a bench. Huh. Guess Sect Heir manners stick forever.

I just crumbled onto the bench while Zhenyu took a seat at the end, manners intact, trying to catch his breath from the painful ordeal.

Goddamit what was wrong with Lanling?! Why have the welcome carpet and main road stretch longer than my will to live?! Why was there gold trimmings on the end of the very long carpet?!

What is wrong with the Jins.

Jin must be a synonym with “gold” or “ostentatious” because that’s just what the Koi Tower was. Massive. Gold. Shiny. There. The tower summed up in three words.

It was a goddamn eyesore and this is coming from someone who hoards gold ornaments like a squirrel. I liked my gold as much as that rodent from Ice Age liked his nuts. But this is too much. Way too much.

Shizun’s loud boisterous laugh snapped me from my thoughts. Zhenyu’s head shot up. His expression was scary enough to make me edge away. My master paused at the entrance to the garden along with two people around him. He took in the murderous expressions of his two students whom he’d abandoned in the stairway and just grinned. I shifted my expression skyward, wondering why God had tested me with this bullshit. Was this karma from when I stole ice creams from kids in my past life?

“xiao-Yin.” My master had moved to stand before me, the two men flanked his side. “Pan Honghui, Pan Huizhong— meet my disciple.”

Reluctantly I got up, my muscles protesting in pain but executed a perfect bow. It wouldn’t do to have people think I was lesser. Master did teach me well. “This disciple is called Xu Yin, courtesy— Suyin. It is an honour to meet Seniors Pan.”

“My, my, Renfeng.” Pan Huizhong chortled. “I don’t think even you’d have this much manners if you were forced to climb up Jinlintai. An honour indeed to meet the famed disciple at last, Xu Suyin.”

Famed? What the heck was he on about?

“And who is this?” Pan Honghui took the reins of holding the conversation from his brother and the attention of the group flicked to Zhenyu— who’d managed to gather himself enough to get his arrogant air back.

“Zhao Yu, courtesy Zhenyu.” Zhenyu bowed.

“Zhao.” Pan Honghui echoed. “I believe you must be the aspiring healer. I’ve got quite a collection if you’d like to see it. My younger sister is a healer.”

It looked like someone had offered Zhenyu the moon and the stars with how eagerly he’d nodded. Pan Honghui also promised to take him to meet his sister if time permits.

“Alright,” Shizun interrupted. “It’s late now. xiao-Yin, meet one of the servants in the eastern quarters and introduce yourself and A-Yu as my disciples. They will take you to your rooms. I’ll be leaving early tomorrow with Honghui and Huizhong to hunt down the Bashe so don’t seek me out. It might take a few days to track it down.” The mentioned men had detached themselves from our conversation and were waiting for my master at the entrance.

“What?” I asked in confusion. “Will I not be accompanying you?”

“Not this one. Stay in Koi Tower with A-Yu. I’ll introduce you to Jin Guangshan when I get back, there’s no wriggling out of that one— try to stay out of his way till then”. I was already nodding fervently. He studied my face with a sigh. “Knowing you, you’ll land headfirst into trouble so even if you meet Jin Guangshan, be the perfect disciple. Do not give him any weaknesses to prey on and of course,” He added, “Never be alone with him. Always have Senlin on your person.”

What?! Don’t leave me alone, Shizun! What the heck was I supposed to do in the meantime, watch Zhenyu drool over books? I’d rather walk on Legos.

He patted my head in a rare display of affection. “Try to learn the Jin style if you get bored. It’s brash and showy— just like you.”

I chose to ignore the insult in that sentence and bowed. “This disciple will attempt to be proficient in the ways of the Jin sword styles by the time Shizun gets back.”

“Alright then,” A small maniacal smile spread over his face. I took a step back in self-preservation. “This Bashe should be fun to kill.”

And I swear to you, he legit skipped away in happiness at the chance to kill a massive elephant-eating monster. Both the Pan brothers looked resigned with his enthusiasm and their voices faded away as they walked to their chambers, discussing battle plans. I would never admit it, but I was a little worried. But I knew Shizun was powerful enough to handle it.

A sigh escaped my lips. Zhenyu was asleep on the bench. No way I was carrying him inside. I shrugged walking away. Those poor mosquitoes would have a tough time trying to get through his thick head anyway.

I needed a good sleep. And a massage.

——————————————

It was only the second day of staying in the Koi Tower and I already want to run away.

My first day was shit. I woke up, got out of my quarters thinking about ways to avoid canon Jins and ran smack dab into Jin Guangshan.

Yeah. Exactly. You see my goddamn bad luck now. I swear there’s a God that wants me to suffer in this.

After tons of apologies and talking too fast for Jin Guangshan to get a word in, I hightailed it out of there. The rest of the day was spent visiting (read: hiding) the training grounds. Most of the Jin disciples were away on a night hunt and were scheduled to return sometime soon. So, the training ground was just for those overworking disciples which was just fine with me. I met two people yesterday— no matter how much Zhenyu claims that I’m a natural people repeller, I’m not antisocial. People are just annoying— some nice Jins a year or two older than me.

Sure, they were mildly dumb and thought the ground Jin Zixuan walked on was to be worshipped but hey, nobody’s without faults! At the very least, the Jins were good with swords— I learnt tons of new techniques yesterday. Did you know, most of the Jin style just depends on waving around a big flashy sword in lethal arcs with small but copious amounts of fatal intent. The style was as Shizun said it was; brash, rough but refined. It was a good thing my two Jin friends were NPC’s or I’d have to avoid them.

No need for unnecessary interaction with canon characters! Meeting Jin Big Bad was enough canon interaction for this lifetime.

So I went to sleep after that, dreaming of a fun second day during which I will take the back door away to avoid Jin Big Bad’s morning walks. It would be fine! No canon interactions. Maybe I should make that my mantra.

As you can probably guess, that mantra was fucking useless.

I stare in despair as Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun spar across the training grounds. Oh. Guess it’s the day when the disciples were scheduled to come back. There goes training. Silently, I try to skulk away, channelling my inner ninja. Jin friend number 1— god I forgot his name— turned in my vague direction like he could fucking smell me. Don’t see me, don’t see me!. He noticed me. “Xu Suyin! We meet again.”

My eye twitched. I stop mid ninja-manoeuvre. The death glare I sent Jin 1 made him flinch violently. Jin 2 had no such reservations though, he grinned at me. I wave back, a painful smile etched on my face. My eye twitches again. What was it I said again? No character interactions?

Jin Zixuan puffs up like the true peacock he is. He somehow manages to look down on me even though I was taller than him.

“Xu Suyin?” Jin Zixun interrupts haughtily. “I’ve heard of you. Who even are you anyway?”

“She’s the rogue cultivator’s disciple. The dragon conquerer” A Jin disciple mutters. A round of gasps goes around.

I raise an eyebrow. “If you’ve heard of me, then why are you asking? I’ve got no idea who you are.”

…Not my best comeback. But it was worth it seeing Jin Zixun go five shades redder. “You—!”

“Enough.” Jin Zixuan somehow manages to look even more like a spoilt prince. “You look like nothing too special.” He turns away in clear dismissal. My temper shoots up. This little shit.

“Yeah!” Jin Zixun chimes in. “I doubt she would even know how to fight. She’s a girl.”

Oh ho ho. That was it. You’re dead, kid.

“Wanna test it?” I try my best to mimic my master’s most insane smile which sent people running. Jin Zixun startles. “Wanna fight, kid?”

“How dare you!” Jin Zixun explodes. Jin Zixuan and his posse stare at me in shock. I guess nobody ever challenged Jin Zixun other than Jin Zixuan. “Do you even know who I am?”

“You don’t?” I raise my voice in a clear taunt. “Oi look here, there’s this kid who doesn’t even know who he is!” By now, I’ve attracted a big crowd and they all laugh at that. Wonders of mob mentality. Jin Zixun goes 5 more shades redder. Oh dear that shouldn’t be very good for his health. “I can fight you with my hands folded.”

It seems that’s all Jin Zixun’s patience can take. He charges at me like a bull. I sidestep him easily. I bow to the crowd like a matador. Jin Zixun growls and whips out his sword. He attacks again, but this time with actual technique. Bad for him though, Jin 1 and Jin 2 taught me a bit about it. I sidestep easily and then somersault away, putting on a show. The next attack comes before I’ve landed. It lacks technique but Jin Zixun makes up for it in raw strength. Huh. Colour me surprised. I might actually have to put some effort into it. I spin away from his next stab and kick him across the head Daniel Larusso karate kid style. He goes down like a rock.

I snort, squatting to his level. “You done? Guess you are.” I patted his head condescendingly.

A random Jin explodes on the Sect spare’s behalf. “How dare you insult the Jin like this?! Zixuan, tell her so!” Jin Zixuan is still staring at his cousin in shock with a slightly open mouth. I tilt my head back to look at the Jin who’d spoken. “You wanna try me too, then?”

And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

The Jin descend on me like angry vultures. Jin Zixuan yelps and drags his cousin out before he could be stampeded over. What a wimp. I let out a delighted chuckle and punch Jin (5? 6?) across the face. He cries out and goes down on his ass. I burst into laughter at that and catch a stray fist across my stomach for that trouble. With an entirely undignified groan, I grab the Jin who managed to get me (Jin 3? Jin 4?) and judo flip him right in front of a Jin elder.

Oh.

Oh shit

Jin Guangshan is right behind the goddamn old man elder who’s staring at me like I just told a vegan to eat meat.

The fight pauses to an abrupt stop. We all freeze. A Jin (I’m pretty sure he’s Jin 4) lets go of my collar so fast he melts into the ground. I laugh uneasily.

The Jin Elder sputters in shock. “Outrageous! A female disciple acting like—“

“Just what happened here?”

Jin Zixuan looks down shamefully at his father’s incredulous tone. He looks like a kicked puppy. He also moves discreetly to hide Jin Zixun from Jin Big Bad’s view.

“It was just a simple spar, Jin-zongzhu.” I laugh uneasily. “Right?”

All the disciples nod rapidly.

“Just a simple spar!”

“Xu Suyin wished to know the Jin sword style!” That was Jin 2.

“Yeah! wait Yeah?”

“Of course, Sect leader! We would never be as shameful as to attack without provocation!”

I nod rapidly too and shot Jin Elder a thumbs up. He looks as though he might Qi-deviate.

“I seem to notice that the young disciple has no sword out.” The Jin Elder grinds out.

“Children will be children.” Jin Guangshan breezes through Jin Old Man’s protests. “Xu Suyin. You are infamous for being the only disciple Liu Renfeng has taken in. Your talents have spread far and wide.” He raises an eyebrow. I gape. What talents?

“I do hope that you showcase them for the Jins. Yes?” He continues, bulldozing through my shock like a true asshole. “I’m sure your master would not be… opposed to having you participate in the annual talent showcase held on Zixuan’s birthday!”

Everything clicks together at once.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

I just did what Shizun told me not to, didn’t I? I attracted Jin Guangshan’s attention. There’s no Zhenyu nearby to hide behind his diplomacy. Where the fuck is he when I need him.

I bow stiffly, a pained smile fixed on my face. “This disciple would be honoured, Jin-zongzhu”

Shizun was going to disembowel me when he gets back. Zhenyu might decapitate me immediately when he hears of it.

Woe. is. me.

Why am I like this?!

Chapter Text

“Why am I even surprised that you’ve managed to mess up more than I expected?” Shizun remarks as Zhenyu snitches on me full force seconds after he’s back from the hunt. Both the Pan brothers stare at me with something akin to pity as I flail around dramatically.  

“It’s not my fault” I try. Zhenyu interrupts. “I left her alone for one day. One day.“

“Two.”

“TWO days.”

“I planned to introduce you to the cultivation world in a different way. It doesn’t matter.” Shizun sighs, completely resigned. “We’re doubling your training.”

“What?! Why?!” I exclaim. Why the training?! No way I could survive with doubled training I was barely a conscious worm with my original training!

“You brought this upon yourself.” Shizun’s eyes narrowed. “I told you to stay away from Jin Guangshan and you’ve outdone yourself. You managed to make him interested in you. I’ll be damned if a disciple of mine—” “The only disciple” Pan Huizhong muttered. Not helping bro! “—loses to any Great Sects.”

Uh. Great Sects?

When I verbalise my thoughts, it’s Zhenyu who answers. “Yeah. Great Sects. It’s Jin Zixuan’s thirteenth birthday. You really think the Jin Sect Leader would let his only legitimate son’s travel into the teenage ages pass without pomp and splendour?” He snorts. “Every other mildly important person and their mother have been invited to this. Good luck fighting disciples of the other Great Sects.”

Hoooold up. Hold up right there.

Disciples… of other Great Sects…

Fuck, man, I was gonna fight Wei Wuxian? No way sign me out right now!

Shizun catches my terrified expression. “I’m glad you understand the importance of this. You will not lose.” He gets up. “You train with Pan Honghui today.” His gaze goes razor-sharp and I stiffen, face losing all traces of amusement. “I do not want to see you back in your quarters until you’re able to dodge him blindfolded.”

He looks to Pan Honghui now, “Don’t go easy on her. I have to submit the report to Jin Guangshan— I’ll be back in a while.”

Pan Honghui stares at the place Shizun left in shock before turning to me awkwardly. “You wanna start now or…”

I unsheath my blade with a sigh, resigned to a full week of pain and exhaustion. “Let’s start.”

——————————————

Everything hurts.

Every muscle in my body protests as I dodge Shizun’s spear with a swipe from Senlin, locking it with my blade. Shizun recovers fluidly and bangs the blunt end of Jiusi against my unprotected spine. My spine is on fire as I go down on one knee.

He tuts, disappointed. “You’d be dead by now. This is the fifth time you’ve lost to the same manoeuvre. Get up.”

I get up back into position and launch into attack.

Zhenyu’s sitting on one of the benches in the training arena with a thick tome open in front of him, a pack of biscuits in hand. He’s not focusing on that though, he’s frowning in my direction. Both the Pan brothers are absent today. A few days back, I managed to defeat Pan Honghui at our sixth spar. Then he stopped going easy on me and I defeated him again only after about thirty more spars. Following that, I won six out of ten spars with him. Suffice to say, I could actually fight him blindfolded now.

Then, Shizun stepped up and whoosh went all my confidence. I haven’t won one spar with him yet.

There are only two days left before Jin Zixuan’s birthday. The last day will be for me to rest and recover and gather my strength so that meant today’s training would be quadrupled.

I lift my body off the ground and gingerly get back into position. Shizun attacks before I’m even fully up. I reel from the constant blows that each land like an elephant.

Dodge, dodge, slash, sweep, dodge, dodge. And then there it was. Jiusi whips around me and Shizun brings the spear down in a powerful strike.

I see the same hit to the spine coming and flip off the ground, landing on my feet squarely. A breathless gasp escapes my lips. Fuck, I’ve done it. Finally.

Shizun considers my move and nods once. Taking that as permission (the only one I’d be getting, no doubt) I fall forward— suddenly boneless, biting the dust.  

“Not quite a block. You’re not fully ready, but this should… suffice.”

God in heaven I was spent.

Zhenyu takes pity on me and helps me move my ass to my quarters.

“You only have a day till the competition,” Zhenyu says, once he deposits me in my room and writes me down a prescription. I grab some muscle-loosening oils. “You’ve been training for longer than most of the people there. You’ll win easily against everyone” He considers, “Maybe not the Lans though.”

And wasn’t that a cold splash of reality? I sit upright. Holy shit man, Lan Wangji would be there. Lan Zhan. Lan Wangji. Future Hanguang-jun. How in the ever-loving fuck was I supposed to win against a man who was rumoured to be the best cultivator of the generation, bar Wei Wuxian? Thank every single god that I didn’t have to fight Lan Xichen. I would’ve lost ASAP. The First Jade of Lan was fifteen now and a generation above mine. It’d sure be fun watching him fight Nie Mingjue though.

Back to the point, my biggest problem to a clean win.

Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian would be a pain in the ass— but a fixable pain. If I recalled correctly, Wei Wuxian was found by the Jiang clan when he was around nine-ten-ish. Given the malnutrition and the extreme injuries he’d suffered from the dogs to develop a trauma that severe, I’d give around let’s say… half a year before he’d have been all fine and dandy. It would’ve taken a normal child at least a full year. With Wei Wuxian’s protagonist power and insane golden core, half a year was stretch enough. He’d be a tough opponent, definitely, but I suspected he’d use his brains more than his brawns to win against me. Two years was no way enough to get even half the training I’d received. And coupled with Madame Yu’s uncalled-for jealousy and liking towards whips… well, enough said.

Next person. Jiang Cheng wouldn’t be a problem. At all. The man was err… not up to standards before he received Zidian. With Zidian he was a force to be reckoned with. Without it though— well, easy win for me.

Who else would I potentially fight?

Jin Zixuan. While Jin Zixuan would grow up to be a good fighter and an excellent archer, I doubt I’d have much trouble defeating him. In my defence, and my arrogance’s defence too— I’ve been training under my slave-driver of a master since I was five. When I started developing the vestiges of a golden core, it was like the training cranked up from a lowly 3 to a smoking 11. Most of these kids from the Great Sects would’ve probably trained since they were eight. I had three years on them physically and thirty mentally. Besides, I doubt Jin Zixuan would fight in his own celebration.

That rules out most of the Great Sects and their heirs. I could floor the Jins and the Nies. Jiangs… strategy was needed. Lan though. Lan.

Fucking Lan and their bloody arm strength.

I would never be able to overpower Lan Wangji with sheer strength. He was a year and a half older than me and probably started training as early as I did. There was this very likely possibility that his golden core would already be super strong.

Trash-talking —something else I was good at— was out of the question. Immediately. If I trash-talked Lan bloody Wangji I might as well sign a DNR and stab myself before everyone. That would NOT be the way to introduce myself into cultivation society. There was also the scenario that he’d just be in his resting bitch face and I’d just embarrass myself and my reputation would plummet below Jin Zixun’s.  

Besides, I didn’t know how the Lan fight anyway. The Donghua animations were sure fun but I was a wee bit more focused on how hot Lan Wangji’s face was than his arm movements and sword style.

Sue me. I didn’t know I’d end up smack-dab in the same universe when I simped over that 2D man and his brother.

The only way I could ever defeat Lan Wangji though, was through underhanded means. Underhanded not in a way which would make the cultivation world immediately hate me, but underhanded in a more— wow look at me I’m quirky and unique and super strong and smart— way. Out of the corner of my mind, I notice that Zhenyu had already left— a set of calming pills for my excess Yang energy left on my bed.

I twiddle with Luohua around my finger absently and sigh. If only Luohua did more than control my Yang energy. Maybe I could then do something useful like redirect it…

Wait.

Wait a second.

I snap out of my half-baked daze and zero in on the ring innocently attached to a bracelet around my wrist.

Holy shit! I might’ve just found my underhanded way!

———————————————

The day of the event arrived with much fanfare. Koi Tower was buzzing alive with people and every surface shone with a gold glint. The gaudy stairs were decorated even further and more of the carriages ferrying people were drawn up. Jin Guangshan adorned just the right amount of jewels that screamed both— look bitch, I have more money in my pinky than your whole family ever did— and —it sure is tough being a rich guy, look at all these jewels. I wear them only because I like pretty stuff! He welcomed all the important personas himself— Sect Leaders, some scholars, and of course, highly reputed cultivators like Shizun.

Well. Shizun was the only cultivator privately welcomed by Jin Guangshan who didn’t belong to some filthy rich family or a Great Sect family. I snort from my place on one of the higher balconies and pop a sweet in my mouth. Zhenyu was off doing something again. Shizun surprisingly talked to people and people talked to him back. They laughed at his jokes. Wow did I not trust my master when he protested vehemently that— No, xiao-Yin, your Shizun is not a loner as you claim. I have friends! He has friends. I was in grief. My wallet was about to become significantly lighter and Zhenyu’s much heavier.

All the Jin disciples wore the bright gold of their Sect and travelled in packs of three or four, prowling around for unsuspecting prey to feast upon and talk to death under the guise of networking. God did these Jins not know how to create connections. They were obnoxious. I stifle a laugh when I notice a minor sect leader unsubtly excuse himself from conversing with Jin Zixun and grab a drink to down.

I crane my neck, leaning off the edge of the balcony. Was Wei Wuxian here already? Would he have the golden halo Luo Binghe had in SVSSS? Maybe I’d be blinded by it and fail from the sheer brightness. That would be funny. Were the Lans here at least? Where even was Lan Xich—

“What are you doing here?”

I startle violently and jump off the edge of the balcony where I was precariously positioned. I barely had time to think ‘Oh. shit’ before I was slipping. God. Death by falling. Suyin-shaped pancake in the Koi Tower. What an anticlimactic ending. Don’t let Zhenyu know. He’ll carve that shit on my tomb.

Jin Zixuan’s eyes widen in shock before he lunges forward— oh dear was he gonna push me off? I expected retaliation but this was murder goddamn— and grabs my hand. “Hold on!” He heaves and forces himself up in a solid move, putting his full strength into it. I fly up from the sheer momentum and catapult into him, sending us both crashing into the floor and knocking down the plate of sweets.

“Fuck” I groan and rest my hands on the hard surface below me in contemplation. “Is this sabotage before the fights? I knew I was right to be paranoid”

“No.” Jin Zixuan grunts, voice muffled from where he’s under me. “It’s sure about to become one if you don’t get off me.”

Jin Zixuan. Under me. I jump off him with a screech. “Stay away!”

“Stay away?!” He looked at me like I was batshit crazy. “I literally just saved your life!”

“Yeah! After you put it in danger in the first place!”

“Put it in— That doesn’t count! How was I supposed to know you’d jump off?!”

“Do you just randomly go around disturbing people” I turn my nose up. “Tch. What a nuisance.”

Jin Zixuan’s face goes red so fast I had to wonder if his BP was alright. “This is my balcony. In my quarters.”

Oh. Welp. That was… probably why the servant had tried to stop me from sauntering into these quarters. Well, I couldn’t lose face now! Powering on it is!

“It was empty” I sneer. “I only came because it was. Believe me, if I’d have known this was your chambers I wouldn’t have even set a foot in— wait. Why are you even here?! This is your birthday celebration. “ I gape. “Are you bunking your own celebration?!”

Jin Zixuan’s face goes from red to pink. Thank god. Thought he’d have a heart attack. His face doesn’t lose the haughty expression though. He stares at me like I’m a worm squished under his best boots. “and why, pray tell, would I ‘bunk’ my own celebration”

I raise an eyebrow. “You tell me. I’m not the one hiding in my room”

“Yeah, you’re hiding in mine.”

“I’m not hiding at all. I was sightseeing!”

“So am I!”

“That’s such a bad excuse.”

“You gave it first.” Jin Zixuan shoots me one last murderous glare and switches his attention to the fallen sweets. Most of them remain on the plate. Some have bit the dust though. His elegant and perfect face contorts in disgust. “What is this?”

“Food?” I raise my other eyebrow. Why do I have only two? I feel I will need more eyebrows to raise around Jin Zixuan.

“This isn’t food.” He declares in that spoilt brat voice of his. Now I get why Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian nicknamed him peacock. He really was like one whose feathers were ruffled.

“Calm down princeling.” I roll my eyes and snatch the plate of food from his hand. “It’s not for you.”

Jin Zixuan just looked startled that anyone had dared to speak uncouthly to his highness. I roll my eyes again. Knocking him down a peg or ten would do him some good.

“You have no manners.” The disgust had slipped from his tone, though the haughtiness remained. He settled on the gold setee like a king gazing down at his subjects. “How are you so uncouth?”

“Not the pot calling the kettle black.” I snort “Didn’t you try to push a young maiden down a balcony and pull her back up bodily? ooh, the scandal.”

Jin Zixuan’s face, which had just become his normal colour flushed red with embarrassment. “I was saving your life!”

“I would’ve landed that.” No I wouldn’t have. I’d have been pancaked. “You’ve skipped my question though, why are you brooding in your quarters at your own party.”

“I’m not brooding” He snapped. “A Sect heir does not brood.”

“You totally are— Wait is that Lan Xichen?!” I stick my head out of the balcony again and Jin Zixuan jumps. “Oh my god, it’s Lan Xichen!”

It was Lan Xichen. With Lan Qiren and Lan Wangji right behind him. God in heaven the donghua did not do justice to Lan Xichen. He was much prettier. I was melting. The First Jade sported an easy smile on his face as gentle as the morning breeze. His perfectly symmetrical features lit up as his smile spread. He swept into a graceful bow as Jin Guangshan greeted him. Behind him, Lan Wangji stood rock-still akin to a cold statue in the moonlight. Not a single emotion shone on his face. Even those the Jades looked very alike in looks, they couldn’t be farther apart in personality. Lan Xichen— sunshine smile and gentle nature; Lan Wangji— statue cold and stoic demeanour.

I was supposed to fight the statue in a day.

I sighed— ever suffering. Jin Zixuan continued staring at me like I was insane.

I stuffed my face full of sweets and headed back in the direction of the main hall— my introduction would be happening soon.

“Where are you going?” Jin Zixuan called.

“Into the unknown” I call back. Frozen for the win.

——————————————

I duck into the hallway, avoiding most Jins like a plague. They were everywhere. Every time a Jin disciple spotted me, he’d call to his friends and they’d all stare at me like I was a zoo exhibit. God, have they never seen a maiden lugging a sword or something? It wasn’t my bloody fault my dress had no pockets or any places where I could stash my sword. I couldn’t even tie my scabbard around it since it clashed horribly with my dress. So, I resorted to carrying my sword in my hand— in its scabbard. Senlin was too pretty to be left alone in my quarters! It could’ve been worse really— I could’ve left the scabbard back too.

I wove through the crowd, keeping my head down. Hey! I’m almost there, freedom is right— and bam! I crash into someone’s very sturdy chest. I topple over from the sheer muscle in the said chest and fall on my ass. I glare up, insults ready to be spat out on the tip of my tongue and then—

Lan Xichen looks down at me in concern as he helps me up. I simply stare up at the man I simped over in my past life so much in shock. My mouth opens and closes like a fish and it shuts with an audible crack before I could spit out something embarrassing.

“Are you alright?” Lan Xichen checks me over worriedly. “Guniang— are you alright? Are you hurt?”

“Nope!” I clear my throat awkwardly and chuckle for no reason. “Hahaha, I think I’ve fallen.” For you. God. Mouth. Shut up PLEASE. Atleast I didn’t say the last part out loud. I might’ve dug myself into the floor if I did.

I backtrack with a thumbs up and snatch up poor Senlin from the ground. Sorry baby I promise I’ll oil you today as recompense. Lan Xichen’s perfect eyebrows are still pulled together in a bewildered frown as he watches a trainwreck take place before him. I haha again because I am just insane and god help me if I don’t die of embarrassment. “Nice meeting you! Wow look at the time, I should be off— bye-bye!”

I powerwalk out of the situation. If Flash were here, he’d be jealous of how fast I disappeared from Lan Xichen’s sight.

Nie Mingjue steps into place near Lan Xichen and raises an eyebrow at his friend’s extremely confused expression. “Who was that?”

“I have no idea,” Lan Xichen shakes himself off his stupor. “It was a bit funny, though I suspect the young girl must be embarrassed.” He gazes around and frowns. “I was not able to apologise for bumping into her.”

“Xichen, no maiden is gonna be pissed that you didn’t apologise for bumping into them!” Nie Mingjue snorts. “They’d probably thank you for that.”

Lan Xichen goes pink. “Mingjue, don’t tease me so…”

The conversation trails off as they walk away.

I cry out silently from the embarrassment and attempt to melt into the wall. My first meeting with my favourite canon character and I’d fucked that up so bad! Why is luck so shit? Woe is me.

Trumpets start blaring from somewhere far away. Ah. The feast has started.

I weave around the crowd once more, this time decidedly looking up and sighed in relief when I found my Shizun in conversation with someone. I materialised next to him with a greeting. “Shizun.”

Shizun welcomed me with a bright grin. “Ah! xiao-Yin. I was just looking for you. Nie-zongzhu, allow me to introduce you to my disciple— Xu Suyin.”

I bow formally. “Nie-zongzhu. It is an honour to meet a person as esteemed as you.”

Sect Leader Nie nods at me in greeting. “I’ve heard you never take disciples, Renfeng. What changed?”

“She’s the only one I’ve taken. Just a change of mind, zongzhu.”

“Well, I hope she’s participating in the contest this year. I have high expectations for your disciple— considering who her master is.”

My master’s smile turns indulgent. “I can assure you, she’ll meet your expectations.”

Way to put pressure, Shizun. Thanks. Just what I needed. A corner of my heart puffed up at the fact that my master believed I could surpass a Sect Leader’s expectations.

A Nie interrupts our conversation to whisper something to the Sect Leader. Nie-zongzhu excuses himself.

“He’s miffed I refused his request to just his Sect.” Shizun snorts. “Maybe someday you’ll join on my behalf and he’ll forgive me.”

The edges of my mouth tilt up briefly. “Shizun. The Lans are here.”

“You have a plan to win against Lan Wangji?”

“Yes. I need to fight a Lan beforehand though, to get an idea about their style.”

Shizun hums thoughtfully. “I’ll see if I can influence the arrangement. xiao-Yin. Hold back in the archery competition. Don’t show all your cards immediately. Go full-on out in the one-to-one tournaments. It’s always much more satisfying to win against an opponent who underestimates you.”

Yeah. That lines up with what I’ve planned anyway. I nod in agreement.

“Well, I’ve got to socialise some more. See? I have friends, my disciple. You were wrong.” He pauses and adds. “Where’s Zhao Yu?”

“He’s…” I wince. “He’s holed himself up in the library. He’ll be there on time for the main event tomorrow.”

Shizun laughs. “That boy. He’ll bury himself with his books if he can. Very well.”

I chew on my lip as Shizun walks away to talk with some more important people who react with surprise first and then warm respect. Huh. As much as I teased him with his title— Dragon Conquerer— looks like it offered him tons of respect.

The dinner comes to an end with high spirits.

Only the anticipation for tomorrow’s competitions remains.

Chapter Text

The Lans were spectacular.

Watching Lan Xichen defeat all his opponents one by one with such grace and elegance was shocking, and stunning. There was a clear reason why Lans stayed on top of the cultivation world— both with their scholars and their cultivators— and Lan Xichen was the embodiment of all the characteristics that made a Lan, a Lan. If Shizun hadn’t been my master— a man of extreme talent and rumoured to be the best of his own generation along with Qingheng-jun bar his rogue status— I sincerely doubted if I’d be in this position right now. With an ego big enough to challenge a Lan— Lan Wangji at that— and the skill to back it up.

I watched all the Lan fights— analysing, assessing, considering— just what would be the best way to repel their attacks. The Lan style depended on offence and defence in equal parts. Lan Xichen started with a strong offence against weaker opponents— dragging it out just enough to make his opponent look not too shabby and ending it with quick concise hits. Against stronger opponents— the Nie head disciple put up a very strong opposition— Lan Xichen seamlessly switched between offence and defence. Nie Zonghui was well-matched, but it simply wasn’t enough.

Nie Zonghui accepted defeat gracefully as Lan Xichen’s sheathed his sword from where it was resting on the Nie’s throat.

And with that, the competitions for the seniors ended. Lan Xichen was the winner.

It was time for the junior competitions now.

It was time for me.

I suck in a breath, suddenly nervous. Shizun caught my eye and nodded solidly. I take more rapid breaths to calm myself. In and out, in—

“So, what’s your plan?” I startled with a yelp, my heart jackrabbiting. Zhenyu sidled up next to me and raised an eyebrow.

“Heavens, Zhenyu” I grunt, placing a hand over my heart. “You almost killed me”

Zhenyu snorted, “If it’s this easy to kill you, you shouldn’t live— let alone fight.”

I shoot him a deathly glare. “Not. helping.”

“Relax. You can’t possibly be worse than those bumbling idiots.” Zhenyu sighed, looking over pointedly at some of the younger Jin disciples caught up in a fiery argument with the Jiang ones. “Rest assured, even if you lose you won’t be in last place!”

“Not! Helping!”

Zhenyu placed a hand on my shoulder solemnly but without a hint of sincerity. “You’re going to have to fight a Lan eventually. Especially the brother— what was his name again? he seemed to like cosplaying a statue—“

“Lan Wangji”

“—Right, Lan Wangji. He’s probably your only competitor.”

“Right.” I nodded, feeling slightly better now. Was Zhenyu actually helping? Without a catch?! The backlash rain is gonna flood the whole—

“—That being said, I have money bet on Lan Wangji so you better lose!” He tacked on cheerfully.

I whack him over the head.

I stalked off to the archery arena, feeling loads better. Zhenyu was an ass, but he was an ass who knew me too well. I move to stand beside one of the Nie disciples, making myself scarce and scoping out the competition. It was as I predicted. Rows of junior disciples milled around their seniors, getting last-minute advice. I clicked my tongue disapprovingly when I noticed the number of female disciples— including myself, there were only three. One from Jiang— maybe a Yu descendant? They seem like the type to appreciate female cultivators— and a girl from Lanling Jin. That was probably Luo Qingyang. My mouth formed an ‘O’ and I started looking around the participants to see more people from canon. Where was Jiang Cheng—

“Hey, you look pretty young, are you participating?”

“Huh?” I dragged my eyes away from my opponents and came face to face with a grinning Nie disciple around my age. “Uh, yes. I’m here for the competitions.”

“I’m also participating! What sect are you from?” He took in my dark green— almost black robes and raised an eyebrow. “A minor sect?”

I was saved from answering when the announcer enthusiastically started with the opening speech.

“—Such a stunning display from the young masters of our generation, as expected of course! Now, onto the younger ones! Since they’re too young to be sent on an official archery competition, we have a mini one organised here!” With a flourish of his hands, a box opened and a fierce spirit floated out. It was unnervingly similar to the one they used for the competition in the donghua. Except, while in the donghua, the spirits had unrestrained space to move, this one had a thin rope tying it to a guard standing nearby. The roop made a small loop on the ground near the guard’s feet. The spirit could only move about 3 meters in all directions.

A glorified target practice.

I scoff inwardly. This would be a piece of cake. It was a pity Shizun didn’t want me going all out.

The announcer calls out contestants sect-wise. The Lans start the entire thing— with their senior being the winner and all— and what a sight it was. The fierce spirit was quite fast— faster than I expected, at the very least— but most of the Lan disciples managed to land almost all the shots on it. I held my breath as the announcer called out Lan Wangji’s name-- with much more excitement than required. Lan Wangji’s face was expressionless. Zhenyu wasn’t far off saying he probably liked cosplaying statues— Lan Wangji didn’t have the barest emotion flash across his face as he fired his arrows. His aim rang true for every single one as the bloody overachiever hit the fierce spirit in the middle of the forehead every damn time and swept off as soon as he was done— not giving a damn about the announcer singing praises for the ‘A perfect score! As expected from the second Jade of Lan, exactly like his brother— do we have another winner—?’

I bit my lip hard enough to hurt. It cleared my mind. I might’ve underestimated Lan Wangji. Plans had to be modified.

Then it was the Jins shooting followed by the Jiangs. Jin Zixuan, as expected, did not participate. Even Jin Guangshan understood that having the birthday boy participate and lose to Lan Wangji at his own party wasn’t… ideal. Luo Qingyang did though, and she did quite well. All her shots landed on the spirit and few were bullseyes.

I zoned out most of the Jiang ones— being a lake/forest-based region, they’re bound to do well. “—And now, we have the sect heir, Jiang Wanyin!”

My head whips around to face the arena as a boy in Jiang purple robes takes the field. Another boy in jet black robes lined with red cheers him on loudly, drawing disapproving looks. Jiang Cheng shoots Wei Wuxian a dry look and then aims. Thwack— the first arrow landed bullseye. No matter how fast the fierce spirit, Jiang Cheng’s aim didn’t falter as he shot one bullseye after another. Only the last fierce spirit— a particularly nimble one which thrashed wildly in the rope— evaded Jiang Cheng’s arrow. It still landed— on the chest instead of the forehead. A great round. He’d surpassed all the other archers before him, only Lan Wangji— with his insanely overpowered skill— stood above him. Yet, I could clearly see that he was disappointed.

Salt was definitely rubbed into that weeping wound when Wei Wuxian scored all bullseyes— pitting him right with Lan Wangji. I wince, if Madam Yu here was anything like Madam Yu from the novel, that’s gonna blow up in your face Jiang Cheng.

That being said, Wei Wuxian was definitely the protagonist. I might not be able to see the golden halo around his head like the one Luo Binghe had, but boy that kid could shoot. He didn’t pause for respites, breaks, or rethinking— just rapidly shooting one arrow after another until the guard handling the spirits started to fumble at the speed Wei Wuxian was eliminating them.

After his perfect run, he shot a beaming smile at the ecstatic announcer and bowed good-naturedly at the shell-shocked crowd. Ah, this must be his entry into cultivation society too. “—Another perfect score! Unbelievable talent! It seems Lan Wangji might finally have someone up to his level! What a performance!”

I sigh at the bias the announcer had toward the Lans.

Lan Wangji’s expression didn’t change but his eyebrows narrowed a millimetre closer to each other. He took in Wei Wuxian for the first time and then whipped around, leaving. Lan Xichen shot his brother a confused look, his forehead creasing the slightest bit and continued his conversation with a Lan senior disciple.

The Nies went next. Counting by team performance, it was a close call between the Jiangs and the Lans in terms of win. The Nies performed very well—slightly better than the Jins, but still off from the level of skill from the aforementioned two sects.

And then, it was my turn.

“Oh, now this is exciting news!” The announcer double-checked his script, looking surprised for a second. “Liu Renfeng, rogue cultivator, much known among the common people as the Dragon Conquerer seems to have finally taken in a disciple!” The crowd shared his sentiments of shock and murmurs erupted all over. Necks craned to catch sight of this said ‘disciple’. My face goes through some complicated emotions before I wrench it down into an unbothered facade. Nobody had pinpointed me as his disciple yet. “—After his tremendous victory with the Bashe terrorising the Jailau plains—“ The murmurs grow much louder, though this time in favour of my Shizun— people seemed to have finally found him in his place near the Pan brothers. My master shot the assembled cultivators a charming smile. If it was appropriate to swoon, I was pretty sure half the women perched near Jin Guangshan, would’ve. Killing the Bashe brought him much more clout. “—Our esteemed Jin-zongzhu found it fit to invite him and his disciple to take part in the celebrations!”

“Hey—” The same chatty Nie whispers to me. “Do you know who his disciple is?” He cranes his neck to look around me. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to laugh or be offended. I settled for a snort. “I suppose having a master like Liu Renfeng means that he’d be very strong and intimidating?”

“Oh yep. Definitely. Strong as hell, I’m sure.”

“Also, didn’t you say you were here for the competition? You didn’t shoot—“

“—Liu Renfeng’s disciple, Xu Suyin!” The announcer completes his tirade of heaping praises on my master.

“That’s me,” I grin at the Nie. “I’ll be off now.”

I felt way too much happiness witnessing his astonished face.

I pull back the unbothered expression on my face— the nervousness had settled into confidence and arrogance now. Walking into the arena almost casually, I take a dramatic bow before the cultivators and savour the shock in their expressions. The crowd, which had kept up a murmur just the right amount loud for polite society, burst into raucous conversations.

“A girl?!”

“Liu Renfeng refused to train my son, but he took in a random street urchin as his disciple?! Preposterous!”

“Seriously?! Are they joking?!”

“Tch. Is Liu Renfeng losing his touch then?”

“He can’t have lost his touch, didn’t you just hear him say that Liu Renfeng defeated the Bashe?”

“Ha! I bet my son could take her down easily.”

I don’t let my arrogant posture falter, but goddamn the sheer misogyny. Until now, I didn’t fully understand why Shizun wanted me to win the competition under all circumstances. Now, I did. Oh ho ho, I understood everything. I was going to win this thing.

The fierce spirit thrashes on its thin leash, spinning wildly. I calmly nock a bow into my arrow and with less than a second of aiming, I let it fly. The crowd collectively holds its breath as time seemed to slow down. The arrow whipped through the air, to the thrashing spirit and tore through its forehead. The spirit burst into black smoke. It was like a dam had broken. I shot the arrows rapidly as soon as the spirits appeared— bullseye after bullseye. Belatedly, I remembered that Shizun had told me to hold back a little, maybe cross my aim a bit for the benefit of surprise in the swordfights.

Eh. I’ll manage.

The last of spirits floated around hesitantly— after watching its brethren being brutally shot by me, it seemed to have lost its touch. I pulled out the last arrow in my quiver and shot it through the skull.

A perfect score— all bullseyes.

For the first time since a contestant had completed his run, the crowd was quiet. They seemed to be shocked into silence. I perform a dramatic bow like the one Katniss Everdeen did. The announcer gathered his wits first. “The third perfect score of the day. What an unexpected surprise! It seems we have tons of talents here today.” He cleared his throat to stabilise his voice. “I believe that marks the end of the junior archery competition— the results will be announced when the swordfights commence this evening. I wish you all a good afternoon!”

I walked off the arena with as much dignity and grace as I could muster sucking in a breath, laughing breathlessly as the reality of the situation just sunk in.

I fist pump in victory once I was inside the tower and away from prying eyes and faces gaping with astonishment.

Oh, it felt good to win.

I knew I had to prepare for the fights next, and possibly get some food in me but relishing in victory is satisfying.

——————————————        

Zhenyu tracked me down sometime around lunch— which I was skipping— and dragged me to the buffet.

“You have to eat,” He rolled his eyes when I whined. “You wanna collapse before Lan Wangji before the fight even starts?”

“I thought you bet on Lan Wangji. Wouldn’t it be better if I collapsed?”

“I still hope Lan Wangji wins but you’re paying for all my medical materials, why would I ever want you to collapse”

“You opportunistic asshole,” I sigh. “You blackmailed me into buying you those prestigious needles from Hualing”

“It wasn’t blackmail if I won the bet” He smirked smugly.

“It was totally blackmail! you misled me—“

I stumbled into the hall where the feast was laid out. Polite conversations were silenced as every eye in the room turned to me. I gulp.

“Heavens,” Zhenyu muttered, slinking away from me subtly. “I get why you didn’t want lunch.”

“Why don’t they do the same thing to Lan Wangji or Wei Wuxian?” I grumble, grabbing his wrist tight enough to ensure he won’t escape and leave me to deal with this bullshit alone. His hand grows increasingly purple. “They scored the same score.”

“They are getting the same treatment.” Zhenyu struggled to push my hand off while at the same time appearing composed. “Everyone is staring at them like a menagerie exhibit too. Lan Wangji less and Wei Wuxian more, but still.”

“Huh,” I locate Shizun and let go of Zhenyu, making a break for it— walking as fast as I could without flat-out running. Zhenyu staggers from the sudden loss of support and turns with an irritated expression. “Let’s go.”

“xiao-Yin.” Shizun greets me before he sees me. He hadn’t moved an inch yet sensed me coming. “You’re late.”

“I didn’t want to come here.” I protest sullenly and take the pre-planned seat.  

“The sword fights commence soon. Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Truly?”

I hesitate for a second, “I have a plan.”

“Good.” He sets his chopsticks to the side and looks at me for the first time since I came in here. “I planned to give you an easy way out by asking you to hold back. Your opponent would’ve underestimated you then. Now, they won’t. They know you’re my disciple. Most sects will command their disciples to come at you with everything they’ve got.” He tips his drink back. “If you don’t have a plan, you won’t cross the first round.”

I nod stiffly. Zhenyu keeps silent, a slow hand drawing the circumference of the chopstick.

“Good.” He stands up to leave. “Good job on the archery competition, xiao-Yin.”  

My mouth parts in shock as my master leaves, politely declining a person’s invitation to drink with them and heads out.

“Well.” Zhenyu frowns at his lunch, “There’s that.”

I frown. “What?”

He sighs and eats his food daintily. “You won’t understand.”

I was forced to shelve that conversation for another day. Today’s brain space was dedicated to the fights. Nervousness pooled in my stomach. I shifted uneasily and started eating.

———————————————

“Welcome, to the junior swordfights! Let me explain the rules. The rounds are based on elimination and the pairings are random! The one who draws first blood is the winner! Furthermore, if the fighter is pushed out of the arena, they forfeit their match. If they yield, they forfeit the match! No fatal wounds, of course!” The announcer laughs good-naturedly. “The generation’s seniors put on an impressive show, and this already seems to be shaping up to be an equally impressive one!” Glances are spared at Lan Wangji who stoically stares forward.

I was impressed at the amount of exclamation marks the announcer managed to inject into his tone.

The pairings were then decided and I found myself facing the same Nie from the morning.

He looked surprised to be paired with me too and shot me a wry smile as he got into position. “Forgive me for assuming you were male?”

I mirror his grin, surprised at the casual greeting. “Forgive me when I make you bite the dust?”

He snorts an unexpected laugh and draws his sabre. “Let’s see about that,” I unsheath Senlin.

 I allow him a full five seconds to let the awed look pass through his face as everyone does when they first catch a glance at the beautiful sword. It was truly a work of art and it needed to be admired, damn it.

 “Beautiful sword.” He moves into position. I stiffen my shoulders and loosen my leg muscles, ready to move. “You sure that can hold against my sabre?”

The last thing he got was only a glance at my manic grin before he very firmly learnt that yes, Senlin could very well hold against a sabre.

Later, I found out that only Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng had managed to defeat their opponents as fast as I had.

Nie Zhishang— my first opponent— was quite a good-natured young lad and accepted his quick defeat with grace and bewilderment as I helped him up. It was a quick fight. He wasn’t a bad opponent, but I trained with Shizun every day and Shizun was a goddamn slave driver. It was too easy to predict his moves. With a few dodges, a well-timed kick and a spin, I managed to lock his wrist and wrench the sabre out of his grasp. He yielded then— landing me my first win.

We became quick friends after that, his easy-going nature meshed well with my personality.

I stretched my legs in the pavilion for the winners, waiting for the next round to start. Zhishang had left a few minutes ago to meet up with his fellow disciples. I was the first one here. Though other people had completed their rounds at around the same time I did, they had more fame than I did and lagged due to the announcer demanding a word from the ‘first winners! such a quick competition, true talent at its finest!’ Either he didn’t care that I’d won or he was scared of Shizun kicking his ass for hounding his disciple so I was left off with a few hearty congratulations and some declarations of ‘young talent!’

It was fine with me both ways. Thank god I didn’t need to talk or whatever.

Lan Wangji seemed to have won his mini-battle against the announcer with his special weapon of stoic silence and cutting words. With both of them in his arsenal, he KO’d the guy in under a minute. Impressive. I doubt I could’ve gotten out of their grasp that fast. Truly a god to antisocial people.

Instead of walking to the winner’s pavilion though, he settled for a brief chat with his brother. So, I was left to meander in the winner’s pavilion alone for a few more minutes.

“Jiang Cheng, you were great! You disarmed that guy so quickly and so fast!” A boy bounded into the room— unrestrained, closely followed by another who walked in with a little more decorum,

“You were better anyway,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, “You finished before I did.”

“Aiyah, I just managed to push him out of the ring, it was quite easy. What you did was better!”

“That’s not what A-niang would noti—“

Both the brothers turned to face me at the same time and Jiang Cheng’s voice trailed off. I awkwardly raised a hand in a weak imitation of a wave feeling like a deer in headlights. We all blinked at the same time. Then Jiang Cheng exploded.

“You! You’re the rogue cultivator’s disciple from the archery competition. How are you here?”

“The same way you are?” I quickly pull my hand down, as casually as I could when I realised it was still hanging there for nothing. “Er… I won?”

Wei Wuxian interrupted Jiang Cheng’s interrogation with wide eyes. “You’re the one who scored a perfect score this morning! Congratulations!”

“You did too…?”

“I didn’t have a chance to see your match, but I hope we’ll be paired together sometime! You’d be more fun than those fuddy-duddy Lans.”

Oh, you naive, silly child. How wrong you are. You’d have more than fun with Lan Wangji.

 I manage to wrestle my amusement under the same facade I’d been keeping up since morning, “I hope to fight you too”. Not. None of my dirty tricks would work against Wei Wuxian. Unlike Lan Wangji who would never imagine anyone could play anything other than fair, Wei Wuxian would see the tricks coming from a mile away. If I had to fight him, I would have to win due to sheer skill and power.

Fingers crossed he fights Lan Wangji or some other stronger opponent before me.

Jiang Cheng was still glowering at me with distrust. Whatever for?!

I resist the urge to stick my tongue out.

He stopped trying to kill me with his gaze when Wei Wuxian started chattering— the fights, shijie’s lotus rib soup, ‘Jiang Cheng, I’m bored, do something’—

His excitement only piped down when more people filled the room after a successful first match. Lan Wangji still wasn’t here.

I briefly wondered if this was an intervention from whatever god who managed this universe that No small meetings. Wangxian first meeting is limited to rooftops. 

The last of the fights ended without much fanfare, just dragged out by two ragged juniors.

The second matches were announced almost instantly.

As I stood in front of the ring, I wondered if I should’ve been more clear to Shizun. True to his word, a Lan disciple stood against me. The only problem was that the Lan disciple was Su She.

I look heavenward, wondering which god cursed me. The reason I wanted to fight a Lan as trials before the reals with Lan Wangji was to get a hold of their style! And Shizun had managed to land me the worst of the Lans. How did Su She even pass the first round?! I glare at Shizun’s blurry form in the distance.

I really had to do everything by myself, didn’t I?

I kick Su She’s ass in under half a minute, not even allowing him the standard five seconds to stare at my sword. I simply pulled out my sword for funsies, waited for him to try and attack me and roundhouse kick him. There might’ve been some personal anger in that kick. Su She goes flying out of the circle.

There, done and dusted. It was hard to make a kick look cool in robes, but I managed.  

Mikey would’ve been proud of that kick.

After the very short win, I roughly help Su She to his feet— I’m just that good a person, with such a generous heart- Nah. Kidding. Public image is important!— and sprint towards Lan Wangji’s match. And not a moment too early.

Lan Wangji swiftly ducks under a heavy Nie sabre and brings his shoulder up to bang with the wrist that held the sabre. The Nie wisely pulls away at the last second, switching to defence. Lan Wangji switches to offence and sends out a flurry of strikes. The Nie holds up his own side admirably but some of the swift slashes were just too fast for him to follow. I wince in sympathy as Bichen’s pommel smacks hard on the Nie’s exposed shoulder. The Nie flinches from the pain but Lan Wangji powers on relentlessly. He switches between offence and defence seamlessly—just like Lan Xichen had— but unlike his brother who seemed to prefer defensive manoeuvres, Lan Wangji favoured offence.

The Nie approached dangerously close to the edge of the border. I unconsciously hold my breath in anticipation as Lan Wangji’s attacks intensified. The Nie was getting tired— the heavy sabre not helping.

With one last spin, Lan Wangji’s arm swung in a powerful attack and sent the Nie flying off the circle, towards me. I catch the Nie thoughtlessly and easily— mind whirring from the speed of his attacks. Fuck, how was I supposed to go against THAT?

Lan Wangji’s inscrutable eyes bore into mine as I help the Nie up. I freeze. What was it with canon characters and staring?! The crowd clamours over his win. Lan Wangji however pays no mind to it and continues staring at me. Then he sweeps off the arena, only pausing for a second to record his win.

The Nie I helped up grumbles an annoyed “thanks”, glaring at Lan Wangji’s retreating back.

I just stand there for a few seconds, my brain crashing like a Windows machine.

“Hey! It’s you again! Have you recorded your win?”

I lag for three seconds and then jump, startled. Wei Wuxian shoots me a weird look. Jiang Cheng isn’t by him this time.

Apparently, my brain must’ve been Windows Vista because it took me a few more seconds to process his question. “Er… no”

Wei Wuxian laughs, a fully unrestrained bright laugh. Such a sunshine child. “Well, would your opponent have done it for you?”

I think about Su She and how I dropkicked him before whooshing here. “No way”

The horror must’ve shown on my face because Wei Wuxian giggled. “Let’s go together then, I have to record mine too”

We record my win. The announcer looked ecstatic to have two of the archery champions together and he spent the time thoroughly interrogating us about our matches. Wei Wuxian’s expression didn’t change, happy to answer question after question. I wasn’t his level of agreeable yet. I nod to the announcer, “I’m afraid I’ll have to leave.” Feeling bad, I offer Wei Wuxian an out, “Are you coming?”

The boy in question looked ecstatic, “Are you inviting me? Yes then!”

He bounced behind me and I led him away from the main crowd. “I’m only going to the pavilion,” I say awkwardly, my brain still beeping with error. It hasn’t fully registered yet that I was talking and walking with the main protagonist of one of my favourite novels. And he was excited that I invited him

“Me too! I need to find Jiang Cheng though.”

We found Jiang Cheng. The Yunmeng heir gave me a sceptical look and then offered his brother the same look. “What is this?”

“Oh yeah, this is—“ He gasped suddenly before bowing formally, “We forgot to introduce ourselves! I’m Wei Ying, courtesy Wuxian.”

“Xu Yin, courtesy Suyin.”

“Jiang Wanyin” Jiang Cheng grumbled.

The tension between us could be cut with a knife. Poor Wei Wuxian didn’t understand why his brother was glaring at me. That makes two of us.

A gong resounded throughout the arena, indicating the participants to assemble for the third match.

“That’s me!” I exclaim in relief, snatching the opportunity to leave and flash a peace sign. “Gotta go, bye!”

I literally fly away with how fast I run to my match.

My brain finally rebooted and I froze mid-run— I just talked to Wei fucking Wuxian. Jiang Cheng hates me.

Well, now there’s a friendship that sunk before it sailed.

Maybe Zhenyu was onto something when he said there was something in my face that makes him wanna kick it.

Why did Jiang Cheng hate me anyway? He hated Lan Wangji in the books because Wei Wuxian kept yammering about him all the time and completely skipped his adopted brother’s own problems with rebuilding. He got his happy ending while Jiang Cheng was portrayed as a bitter old man with a grudge. I can see how that would make one hate another.

But why me?! I’m innocent!  

I catch sight of my opponent and a relieved smile breaks out on my face— which might’ve been a tad manic to consider from the shudder that rippled through his body, but hey!

It was a Lan! And a proper one at that!  

Chapter Text

I skipped out of the arena with a wide smile creasing on my face. Cultivators snap out of my way as I beam with happiness and stare at me with an unsettled expression that quickly turns to fear the second they catch sight of my manic smile. It wasn’t my fault. I tried to rein in the insanity but I was just happy! Shizun had finally found me a Lan disciple to fight and he was just so fun! I had to admit, I dragged out the fight to actually get ahold of Lan techniques so I was one of the later ones to complete, but it felt fulfilling. I had a tiny itty bit chance of defeating Lan Wangji now.

Joy.

Ah, the next round would be the semi-finals. My goal was ever so close.

I scanned the victor’s lounge—everyone was there anyway, I don’t get why it’s called the “victor’s” lounge— for a familiar sunshine child with a red ribbon and frowned. Wei Wuxian wasn’t here yet? How hadn’t he completed his fight? Who could keep up with him for so long anyway?

I got my answer almost instantly.

Jiang Cheng stormed into the room, expression a thundercloud of resentment and anger as he shoved the door open, almost hitting a poor kid in the nose. The Jin— one of the many milling about— looked up, ready to fight with an affronted expression that soon died out in favour of trepidation after he caught sight of Jiang Cheng’s face and decided to let the matter go.

Wise, that one.

I wouldn’t want to fight Jiang Chenf right about now either. He looked seconds away from crushing someone like a tomato. Briefly, I wondered just what would incense the young heir so much. His hands gripped and ungripped Sandu infrequently, knuckles whitening and relaxing almost as an afterthought before clenching up again. Jiang Cheng was a very angry young man. Someone save him.

The jarring gong of the elder bell startled me right out of my thoughts. My frown intensified even more. Wei Wuxian still wasn’t here. Lan Wangji got up gracefully and was the first to step out of the lounge. Everyone else seemed to freeze almost reverently as he walked with an ethereal glaze in his movements. I swear I could hear angelic harps playing in the background whenever he decided to grace us peasants with his presence. What did that kid even eat. Where could I buy his gracefulness? Was it because of the bland Lan food? It must be. Lan Xichen radiated twice his brother’s gracefulness after all.

The second warning gong rang and I hurried out of the lounge to my next opponent. Ah. I’d forgotten to check who it was beforehand and now it was almost certainly too late to go back to verify. Well, no matter.

Couldn’t be anyone too tough.

—————————————————————————

I eat my words. Let it be said that Woe. Is. Me. How in the hell did I have the worst damn luck?! There’s gotta be a scientific explanation for this because this is just getting goddamn ridiculous now!

My mouth opened and closed a few times without telling my brain when I spot Jiang Cheng standing in my arena. The semi-final arena. As my next opponent.

God! I cry out internally, What did I do to deserve all this bullshit?! 

And wow wasn’t irony a bitch? Wasn’t I just commenting about how I’d most definitely like not to fight Jiang Cheng since he seemed in a particularly I-wanna-beat-you-to-a-pulp-and-crush-you-to-dust mood?

Well, fuck me, I guess.

Too bad Jiang Cheng. I roll out my shoulders and spin my sword in a practised motion. I can’t lose. Lan Wangji was only a goddamn round away.

Since it was the semi-finals— and I was fighting the Yunmeng heir— there was quite a crowd gathered around us. It seemed like one by third of the crowd was focused on my match, two-thirds on Lan Wangj. 2 matches in total. Semifinals, followed by the eliminators to decide the third place—if I’m lucky, I shouldn’t have to bother with this— and then the finals.  

Jiang Cheng, if possible, looks even more pissed now— with all the crowd gathered around us. He looked angry enough to match his robes. A corner of my brain wonders if his BP is healthy.  

“The Yunmeng Jiang heir— Jiang Wanyin, faces off against Liu Renfeng’s disciple— Xu Suyin!”

God, even the announcer seemed to piss off the angry grape before me. I tch, getting slightly irritated. The crowd collectively backs away from my opponent’s thunder-filled face. My own slackens in shock when I notice Wei Wuxian in the crowd and Oh.

Oh.

My brain kicks into overdrive.

It all makes sense now.

It would seem Wei Wuxian lost to Jiang Cheng in the last round. That explains the rage on the heir’s face. Certainly, he doesn’t think he’s good enough to have beaten his shixiong. Maybe Wei Wuxian had gone easy on him but whatever the case was, Jiang Cheng didn’t feel the victory was deserved.

He’d probably overcompensate against his next opponent and give them a sound thrashing to prove to the world that— Yes. He deserves to be here.

Such a pity that his opponent was me.

I allow all my muscles to relax and close my eyes, taking a deep breath in and out. I permit my arrogance to flow through my body, filling my pores, sharpening my mind and condition my ego to pull up the talent to back up the arrogance. I slowly shift into a crane stance, my Shizun’s style— unlike all my other fights, where I’d simply started off with a basic sword move— in this one, I couldn’t afford mistakes. So back to proper fighting, it is.

The crowd murmurs, the people who’d frequented my fights recognising the shift in style. Jiang Cheng’s eyes narrow in consideration and he takes up a standard Yunmeng offensive pose.

I don’t allow him the time to complete the offensive manoeuvre. I shift swiftly and gracefully from the crane to the snake and shoot forward, lunging at him. He startles, obviously not expecting me to make the first move but recovers admirably, bringing Sandu up in a block and shifting his body weight forward in an attempt to throw me off. I step back neatly, sidestepping the strike and retaliating with one of my own. I don’t allow him to recover this time though, and follow up with a slash with bone-crushing force behind it— knocking him off his grip and sending him reeling.

Instead of careening off the ground and out of the arena though, he twists his body around, using the momentum to adjust himself and falls back to defence. A grin splits across my face. Maybe finally, a worthy opponent.

I step back—to his surprise, and allow my muscles to relax again, pulling myself up into the crane position and waiting for Jiang Cheng to make the first move this time. His expression is still one of rage, but coloured in it more subtly, is surprise. I allow the grin to stretch my face more victoriously. It was obvious he’d underestimated me. The surprise in his face gets clouded by the fresh wave of anger roiling through him and he throws himself forward, Sandu picking up the slack with force behind it. I bring up Senlin to block his strike outright, this time, instead of dodging and find myself faintly astonished at how my hand falls back the slightest inch because of the force behind the hit. He doesn’t allow me time to recuperate and follows his slashes with rapid movement and a flurry of strikes, forcing me to go on the defensive.

I allow him to take control of the fight momentarily, falling back into the familiar weight of defence and analysing his patterns. His movements were entirely controlled by his rage. His anger was the driving force behind each hit, each attack and each manoeuvre. His rage was all-encompassing, his strikes meticulous at first but devolving into madness and unpredictability due to his driving force. After I took a few hits in defence to observe him and his technique, it was… disappointing.

His seeming unpredictability was predictable. His slashes were repetitive, his movements fabricated under years of practice. It was all too easy to figure out his style once I realised his method of madness. It wasn’t bad, by any means. It was clear that he had skill and tons of it, but there was this gaping hole where he lacked.

He had no adaptability.

His blows were redundant and his method rigid. No doubt, this was probably because of Madam Yu’s strict regiment yet, it was simple for me to gain the upper hand once I figured out how he did what he did.

It was almost laughable but effortlessly I gained the upper hand after that.

I sidestepped every single one of his slashes after that, landing my own blows almost whimsically as an afterthought. None of his attacks made contact with my body while none of mine missed his. He was backing up now, uncomfortably close to the borders and I could almost taste it when he realised that, yes, he was losing. His body tightened in denial, muscles rippling as he fought with a frenzy— a last desperate attempt.

Too bad I had him figured out. It might’ve worked against someone else.

Enough was enough. Time to end this.

I met his last strike straight up with Senlin and locked our wrists together. Our eyes met, clashing— violent purple and fractured blue. I watched them widen, in shock and panic this time as I twisted our hands in the same motion Shizun had drilled into my brain. It was almost inevitable, and the world slowed down as I wrenched Sandu from his hands, allowing the sword to skid across the ground and with a last move, pushed Jiang Cheng fully out of the arena.

My win was sealed and set in stone.

Power tasted good, I thought. Metallic, with a hint of arrogance. Oh, how the fall must hurt.

Adrenaline thrummed in my blood, filling my head with a sense of high that only increased with the roaring cheers from the crowd. It had almost doubled in size, I noticed with wide eyes. About half the people who attended the celebration had watched me thrash the Yunmeng heir.

Oh fuck.

About half the people who attended watched me thrash the Yunmeng heir.

I whip around, panicky, and rush towards where Jiang Cheng stared at his sword in a stupor. Debating with myself for a second, I hold out a hand for him, wincing internally when his angry eyes cut gashes through my skin.

“It’s okay,” I murmur. “Take my hand.”

He looked at my hand in a daze. I barely register the people roaring behind, money jingling as people paid up their bets. The noise had reduced to being merely the background. The world had hyper-focused itself, the adrenaline ensured I could still hear my rapid heart. “Come on,” I say again, and just refuse to retract my hand, even though I sensed the crowd quietening a bit.

He brings his own hand up, still in a daze and for a second, a futile second— I thought he’d take my hand. But he simply pushed it away, picked himself and his sword off the ground and walked away without another word.

“Huh,” I look at my own hand. “Maybe it was dirty.”

“Congratulation!” Wei Wuxian had bounced over to me. His congratulations was genuine, but his tone was strained. And he kept looking over the direction his brother left in. I couldn’t blame him. They’d both lost. Even though this wasn’t any sort of “official” competition like the archery one in the future would be, I could only imagine the shit they’d both go through with Madame Yu if she was anything like how the books said she was. A wave of sympathy attacked me.

I shoot him a wry smile. “Thanks. You should go after him.”  

The boy shot me a grateful smile of his own, “You really do fight well.” And then he was off, running after his brother.

I sighed, plastering a smile on my face to greet the crowd jovially and recorded my win. I felt tired. Not because of the fight, but because of the onslaught of emotions afterward. This is why I keep mine locked up tightly in a box, you see?

“Congratulations!” Zhenyu slapped my back and I jump with a yelp. How does he always sneak up on me?! “You did it, holy shit! I thought you were a goner there for a second when you went on defence. In all his previous matches, Jiang Wanyin obliterated his opponents the moment he manages to get into offence.”

I sigh dramatically and place a hand on my chest. “Have you been watching other people’s matches instead of mine? We’ve known each other for years. I thought we were best friends, no?”  

“No.” He answered without missing a beat. “You’re an annoyance.”

“Yeah, fuck you too.”

“You love me.”

“I thought I was an annoyance?”

We bickered our way all through the long grounds of Jinlintai before I stood in front of the victor’s lounge again. I faced Zhenyu, this time with seriousness. “I’ll be fighting Lan Wangji next.”  

“I know,” My friend answered simply. “You’ll win.”

I gape at him in shock. “How are you so sure?” How was he more confident in my skills than I was?

“Because I can feel that you have a trick up your sleeve.” He shrugged like he was just reciting facts. “You never go into the battle without your tricks and aces. Lan Wangji is a straight-laced fuddy-duddy. He will never see your tricks coming. And that’s why you’ll win.”

“Are you telling me that the only way I’ll win is by tricks?” I deadpan, half joking.

“Yes.” He answered honestly, taking me aback. “He’s been training for as long as you have been and you’ve been plagued by your… constitution while he has no such drawbacks. Simply by strength, he’ll win.”

It felt like someone dumped a jar of cold water over my joy.

“And this is what,” I ask sceptically, hurt by his assessment and the fact that he’d bring up my excess Yang energy. He knew it was a sensitive topic. “just a healer’s perspective?”

 The amusement bleeds out of his tone and he says plainly, “I don’t see you denying.”  

“Go to hell, Zhao Yu.”

“Not a denial, Xu Yin.”

We glare at each other— years of friendship meshing into something more sharper. He breaks the impasse by whirling around and stopping a few steps away. “Good luck, A-Yin.”

I watch his slender figure blend easily into the crowd.

The second gong rings almost ominously.

No time to wonder. I grip Senlin tightly. It was time.

Lan Wangji was my next opponent.

—————————————————————————

Unlike my fight with Jiang Cheng, the crowd was silent.

There was a clear ring drawn out in the arena for the fight of the champions and everyone who was important was seated in the frontlines. I spied Jin Guangshan and Jin Zixuan situated in a place offering the best view of the fight. Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren were watching with their disciples placed in neat rows next to them. The Nies and the Jiangs are more rowdy— with none of the discipline of the Lans yet the Nie Sect Leader and the Nie Sect Heir seem quite invested in the battle to come. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng stand with Yunmeng Jiang. Jiang Cheng’s gaze attempts to bore holes into my back.

Shizun is leaning back, his legs crossed casually, a lazy hand running over the spear positioned at his side. He nods when I catch his eye.

I turn my attention back to the fight and twirl my sword in an impressive display of skill. An empty display to catch a read on my opponent and to drag out the start. Lan Wangji’s brows furrow a millimetre in annoyance at the delay yet otherwise he looked unbothered.

Facing Lan Wangji was nothing like facing Jiang Cheng. While with the Yunmeng heir— I could get a grip on the emotions flashing across his face, and the reason for his will to fight— there was nothing with Lan Wangji. His face was beautiful, carved by the gods, and his expression one of the coldest mountains. He was a figure of stoicism, a stark contrast to his brother who seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve.

I couldn’t get a read on him. Change of tactics.

I breathe deeply through my mouth and allow my body to carry my limbs into the crane pose with pure muscle memory. The announcer continues his speech. I tune it out and focus on expanding my senses. The world dies down to hyperfocus on the arena in front of me. The announcer’s voice is almost sluggish, my own heartbeat resounded in my head.

“…The battle starts, Now!”

I shoot forward faster than a bullet and send a flurry of unblockable slashes towards Lan Wangji. His stoic facade doesn’t break a bit and he brings up his own sword to block my attacks, staying on defence. I don’t allow him the time to think or even to counteract my attacks. Seamlessly switching through tactics and sect styles, I remain firmly on offence. Every single one of my weaknesses was blocked up— I was cranking my effort to a ten for this fight. It went on for a good few seconds, I was slowly but steadily pushing him back towards the edge of the arena. Lan Wangji’s brows narrow another millimetre, his eyes flash in determination and—

I get why people call him the strongest cultivator of my generation.

He blocks a rapid stab with a flick of his sword and pushes forward abruptly. With a powerful strike— my arm aches when I block it, the Lan arm strength is no joke— he catches my movements before it could happen and smoothly switches our roles. I was forced to go on defence to block his unflappable strikes and his face settles back into easy stoicism as he regains the upper hand. My arm shakes in strain as I try to block his next direct strike which would’ve cleaved my face in half. He opts for a sweep next and I flip back, away from him. The brief respite tells me everything I need to know. The Lans I fought before were nothing compared to this monster of a fighter. My arms shake from the strain of being forced to go on defence. Lan Wangji is watching me analytically, his sword spins in the air for a second before he’s on me once again.

I curse under my breath. My face threatens to reveal my true emotions. Plan C then.

I jump, sidestepping his next strike and make no attempts to block— only to dodge. I backflip the next slash and duck through the stab. My sword is grasped loosely in my hand and is used only as a weight to further my aerial movements. His eyes narrow infinitesimally once again and he sends a barrage of strikes at me. Instead of blocking, I opt for using his own momentum against in and do a clean somersault across the arena and land in one hand, flipping myself to my feet in the next second. And not a moment too soon since Lan Wangji’s already here, his sword invisible with how fast he was moving it and my stamina to dodge was lessening too— attempting to jump and flip through deadly strikes in a fixed circle was somehow more exhausting than actually going face-to-face with Lan Wangji but this was working.

His aloofness is broken now. He still was impassive, yet I could see the frustration creeping into his bones as I bounced away from him, dodging yet another series of deadly strikes which would have knocked me unconscious. Almost there, I thought. Just a little more. 

There was one advantage I had that he didn’t. I was an adult mentally. He was still a teenager prone to impatience no matter how detached he seemed. It was so very clear from the novels that the one thing Lan Wangji hated was how Wei Wuxian was always able to slip away from him. Even in the rooftop fight, Lan Wangji seemed more annoyed by the fact that Wei Wuxian was simply attempting to escape with his wine intact rather than face him outright.  

That fact, right there— I would use it to my advantage.

I shift tactics instantly. My grip on Senlin tightens to deliver a perfectly aimed slash that throws him off. Not expecting it, he recovers in record time— barely stumbling— resuming his offensive barrage with an ice-cold determination. I allow my grip on my sword to loosen again and devolve to dodging him just barely. My arms were covered in nicks from all the close calls.

His face tightens further in irritation and he thrusts his weapon forward. Ah. There it is.

I dodge it neatly and bring up Senlin positioning myself ready to strike. Lan Wangji moves back, getting ready to block whatever attack I’ll send at him but I don’t— I adjust my grip. My index finger wraps around the crossguard of my sword such that the flat of my blade rests in the palm of my hand, and then I throw it like a spear.

Lan Wangji most certainly was not expecting my sword to come flying at him without its owner at terminal velocity. His eyes widen in shock— the first real expression I’ve seen on his face— and he brings his sword up instinctively to prevent my flying blade from stabbing through his forehead.

That momentary distraction and loss of concentration were all I needed.

I lunge forward again — exactly like how I started the fight— and retrieve the dagger hidden in the folds of my dress. Blood rushes through my ears. Adrenaline wakes up every muscle in my body. Senlin clatters to the side, blocked— leaving me without my sword— yet it is my dagger which kisses Lan Wangji’s throat.  

My opponent is still frozen in shock when he registers the dagger at his throat. His arms twitch once, and his grip on Bichen slackens. It clatters to the ground to rest next to my own.

The crowd stays silent. The fact doesn’t seem to have sunk in yet.

I won.

Chapter Text

I won.

Surreal shock coated my feelings.

I felt distended from my mind, perspiration coated my brows. I could feel myself heaving to get breath back in my body after the immense strain it’d been put through— but it all felt… disconnected. My head was stuffed with cotton, and my thoughts heavy. A tinnitus rang mercilessly in my ear, the background noise was sluggish.  I vaguely remembered stumbling away from Lan Wangji’s stunned form. The dagger in my grip—now no longer tight— found itself with no support holding it up and took its place on the ground alongside my sword.

I played dirty, but I won.

“…Fucking hell Suyin, you won! Hear that you fucker?! You won!!”

Zhao Zhenyu’s wild shaking brought me back to my senses. My soul settled back into my body. “…What?”

“You won!” He was supported by the wild almost insane and downright riotous cheering from the crowd. The Jin guards were working overtime to keep some half-drunk men from jumping into the arena. It felt like I was a WWE fighter and I just took down the reigning champion.

…Which I suppose, wasn’t too far from the truth.

Jin Guangshan’s eyebrows had flown past his hairline. He looked like he was contemplating a particularly sinister plot as he gazed at the swords on the ground thoughtfully. Nie-zongzhu’s face was one frozen in thunderous shock. Lan Qiren’s grip was white-knuckled where he was clenching on his seat, his back ramrod straight. Next to him was Lan Xichen— clutching a cup of tea long gone cold.

“…I can’t believe you managed it. And that dagger— Isn’t that the one the dragon conqueror retrieved?! You nasty fuck I knew you had it in you!”

My head cleared a bit more at the mention of my Shizun. I searched for him almost unconsciously— and found that I didn’t need to— he was walking straight for me.

“I won.” I echoed. I just defeated the strongest character in the novel. It didn’t feel real.

Lan Wangji picked his sword up stiffly and our eyes met. I almost recoiled at how cold they were. If looks could kill, I’d be dead a hundred times over. He gazed at the dagger in the ground with distaste and whipped around, his robes flowing behind him as he left.

Jin Zixuan, Jiang Cheng and now Lan Wangji. How was I making the most important characters here hate me already?

It’s a curse, I swear.

“Pick your weapons up. Let’s retreat to our quarters.” Shizun— who’d by now managed to navigate through the crowd to reach me— commanded in a measured tone, with a hint of frost. “Zhao Yu, take care of recording the scores.”

If we were back in the modern world, I suspect Zhenyu would’ve saluted. Since we weren’t, and salutes probably weren’t invented yet— he settled for a deep bow.

I move quickly and gracefully lift my sword and dagger off the dusty ground— muttering a silent apology for how I’d thrown the spiritual weapon like a frisbee.

Zhenyu flitted over to the announcer in the effortless floaty way he always did, though not without sparing us a backward glance. It was funny how intimidated he was by Shizun. All those years of living with him still hadn’t dimmed the almost heroic, admiring way Zhenyu looked at my master. Though now, it was lined with trepidation and something akin to… pain?

I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

Shizun cuts an imposing enough figure that the crowd scampers to get out of his way. We make it to my quarters in record time. I stroll in, collapsing on the settee carelessly. Exhaustion dimmed my vision and I had to blink spots out of it. I felt uncharacteristically tired— but not tired enough to not celebrate my victory!

I turned, feeling exhausted but joyous and—

“xiao-Yin.” Whatever tone my master used couldn’t be deciphered, but that certainly was not joy. “xiao-Yin, where is Luohua?”

The victorious feeling dissipates into vapour. Instinctively, I pull my wrist behind my back. The bracelet I wear always feels heavy. “What do you mean?” I cleared my throat. “It’s right with me.”

I was a pathetic, pathological liar.

“Xu Yin.” That was definitely an undertone of anger. “Do you take me for a fool? You fought Lan Wangji without the old king’s spiritual weapon.”

Fuck. The jig was up.

“So what if I did?” I challenged, trying and failing to suppress the quiver in my voice. All that bravery was for show and both of us knew it. “We both know that Luohua dampens my energy. It makes me weak. I never would’ve won with my Qi being pushed down as it was.”

“Did you forget—” Shizun’s voice was brimming with barely concealed anger, “exactly why we have your spiritual energy dampened? Did you want to kill everyone assembled?!”

Oh.

I haven’t.

All the experiments and trials done with my excess Yang energy when I was a child had ended up either with a violent explosion of uncontrollable spiritual energy or with me in a sickbed, inches away from a Qi-deviation. After I received Luohua— a weapon saturated with Yin energy— the excess spiritual power thrumming under my veins had been nullified. Neutralised. A few years after I cultivated my golden core, my Yang energy had more or less settled grudgingly, no longer prone to devastating outbursts in sync with my emotions but rather awarding me sort of… enhanced skills.

Yang energy, excess or otherwise, put simply was just spiritual energy. The more spiritual energy a cultivator possesses; the better his senses, the slower his ageing. I was born with too much of it. More than my fragile body could handle, and it blew up on me in a way that ruined my entire family. It manifested as an explosion from my uncontrollable rage. I never mourned for my father. The man had tried to set me on fire, after all. But I mourned for my mother, the woman whom I’d inadvertently murdered. My excess energy was a curse— just like the physician had predicted. But that was not always the case.

Growing up, my Shizun forced me to learn to take control of it and to stop being afraid of it. Fear of what was strong helped no one. Slowly and steadily, with relentless training and the rapid improvement of my golden core— I mastered the ability to not spontaneously explode when I was pissed and not wearing Luohua. With that control, came a few more perks. Enhanced reaction rate, speed, and strength. Stuff that an adult cultivator with a strong golden core and immense spiritual energy would have. Of course, it came with its drawbacks.

Luohua for all it helped with my control, actively suppressed my enhanced energy. It kept the excess energy at bay and left only the energy emanated by my golden core. To win the match, I removed Luohua. That was why my senses had been sharpened, how I managed to move fluidly enough to ensure not one of Lan Wangji’s hits made contact when I did not wish for it. It came with a price I was now paying. My body was beyond exhausted and the black spots floating in front of my eyes only seemed to darken. I struggled to keep them open.

I was a loose cannon fitted with a wick that absorbed and was dripping oil.

“I haven’t forgotten,” I answered quietly. All the fight drained out of me. Trying to recall the victorious feeling I felt just a few moments ago felt like an impossible task.

My Shizun looked disappointed and that hurt the most. It dug tiny knives burrowing into my heart. “If you cannot believe you can win Lan Wangji without turning to your curse, “ His glare was ice cold as he turned away, leaving me wrecked. “You are not worthy of the blade you hold.”

My vision cracked like broken glass. It shattered and fell into pieces. My head ached.

I knew I didn’t deserve the victory but to hear about my worthlessness from the one I admired the most…

The bang of the door bade me farewell and that was the last thing I heard before darkness engulfed my vision and exhaustion took me under.

——————————————————————

“For heaven’s sake, can you get a healer or are you too stuffy for that, my lord?” Zhao Yu’s snippy comment was laced with irritation as he placed a smelling salt under my nose.

“I heard you blathering all about those books you’ve read in the Koi Tower regarding medicine, can you not handle simple spiritual exhaustion?” An equally irritating snappy voice retorted.

My headache worsened.

“Oh, so you’ve been stalking me?!”

“Do you truly think yourself worthy to be followed by me?”

“What is that supposed to mean you goddam—“

I groaned.

The voices shut up for an impressive second before exploding at once.

“Suyin!”

“Xu-guniang!”

A rustle of clothes.

“Let me examine her I’m clearly the more medically knowledgable among us both”

“I’m not here for that, I don’t care—”

“Shut up” I grunted.

Another second of silence followed. It did not last long.

I blearily blinked my eyes open to find… Jin Zixuan holding Zhenyu in a tender embrace?

“What the fuck.” I eloquently elaborated my thoughts.

The sect heir promptly dropped my friend. Zhenyu, being a flexible little asshole flipped upright before he could face-plant. He rightened himself and shot Jin Zixuan a death glare.

I chose to ignore that whole interaction for the sake of my sanity.

I cleared my throat. “Why is the Jin sect-heir in my room?”

At least he had the thought to look guilty. “I wished to retrieve you. And was reminded of a book taken by your friend” The last word was venomous. “He seems to be fond of taking objects that don’t belong to him.”

Zhenyu rolled his eyes. “It’s so clear that you had no siblings. I borrowed it, it’s a library.”

“How shameless are you? You borrowed it for almost a month?!”

“Shut up,” I repeated and gave Jin Zixuan a tired look, “My head is killing me. Do you have to do this here?”

“No.” The sect heir scowled. “My father sent me to retrieve you for the championship award ceremony. It’s been stalled because of your absence.”

Zhenyu scoffed. “Is the sect so out of errand boys that the sect heir himself was forced to run an errand? What a joke.”

Jin Zixuan’s scowl deepened further, “You won against two sect heirs and you’re the sole disciple of a renowned, infamous, powerful rogue cultivator.” He shrugged. “Perhaps my father hopes I could covet you for our sect.”

My jaw drops. Zhenyu and I exchange a look. “Are you supposed to tell me that?” I ask hesitantly.

He frowns. “Probably not.”

“Okay, yeah.” Zhenyu claps his hands together, moving away to gather his materials strewn on the ground. “You’ve got lots of scheming prep to do before you can take the Jin throne. Good luck.”

“What he said.” I roll my shoulders. Jin Zixuan’s scowl didn’t look like it was easing up anytime soon. Does he hate me too? “Let’s get going then!”

I try to stand up and the world goes sideways. Jin Zixuan’s eyes widen in shock before he’s moving, catching me instinctively before I hit the ground. Then he panics because there is a female in his arms and he drops me. I go down with a thud and my world darkens once more.

I come back to more screaming.

“—wrong with you!” Zhenyu is yelling now, but his tone is filled with amusement. He probably got his kicks from watching me fall.

“She just dropped!” Jin Zixuan said. He was fully red, his face resembling a tomato.

“Yes! Because you dropped her!”

“She’s a maiden!”

“She’s a maiden?! Astute observation my lord. Oh for the sake of all that’s heavenly—“

“Shut up.” I groaned once more. This time, I lean on Zhenyu to help me up and shoot the Jin heir a dirty look. “You didn’t have to drop me. I’m not surprised though, with how you handle your women. You did try to push me off a balcony once.”

He goes even redder. His hands make an aborted motion before he firmly presses it down to his sides. Zhenyu and I share an amused glance. Teasing someone with a stick up their ass is fun.  

———

“Why were you even back in your room?” Jin Zixuan asks me once we’re on our way. Zhenyu had me choke down a few herbs to give me an energy boost and I was an inch away from bouncing off the ground.

“You can’t just ask someone that. Do you not have tact, lordling?” I ask snippily.

“Not towards dwarfs,” He retorts, and then looks shocked at his own response. Zhenyu bursts into laughter while I stop and stare at the sect heir for a good ten seconds.

“Looks like you still have hope for taking over the Jin throne milord,” Zhenyu manages to say between his bouts of unnecessary laughter, I kick him in his shins. He doesn’t care. “You hit right where it hurt! Height is a tough topic for poor little Suyin.”

The stare transforms into a deadly glare directed at Zhenyu. It was not my damn fault that these male cultivators had a good head of height on me and they hadn’t even gone through puberty yet. I was already bemoaning my neck pain when I would have to inevitably look up to face people.

“I didn’t mean to insult, Xu-guniang,” Jin Zixuan starts stiffly, as though apologies were a tongue foreign to his own. Given his track record and his future rap sheet, that’s likely not changing.  “I merely—“

“—pointed out the truth,” Zhenyu grins. “Right, Yin-yin?”

I swipe at the bastard’s head and he jumps away from me. The lordling looks confused by our interaction. I wonder if he’d ever roughhoused with his siblings or talked to someone without making them hate him by principle. I doubted it.

“We’re here.” Ominous words interrupt our bickering. Jin Zixuan straightens himself up and leads us to his father, who’s beckoning us over. I wipe the smile off my face and plaster on my usual mask reserved for noble arses.

Jin Zixuan takes his rightful place beside his father and Zhenyu moves to stand near Shizun. I’m left alone to confront the meeting with Sect Leader Jin. I sigh. Best to get this over with.

“Jin-zongzhu” I offer his my best bow. “Forgive this disciple for her lack of knowledge. I was feeling quite faint and was unaware of the requirements needed from me after the match. I hope you can forgive this transgression.” I bow even lower, barely hiding my face cringing. When I raise from my bow, Jin Zixuan looked at me like I was an alien. Right. He’d never seen my politeness. I resist the urge to smirk at him.

“Of course,” Jin Guangshan says graciously, “After all, I cannot expect the disciple of a rogue cultivator to keep up with the manners required for a Great Sect, yes? I must congratulate you on your victory. It was certainly… unexpected.”

“This disciple thanks you for your graciousness”  

“Yes.” He signals to an announcer. “Now to announce the scores, since the winner is here.”

The announcer dramatically opens a scroll and clears his throat.

“Year of Ji Hai, Lanling Jin Celebration, Competition of Skills: First place, disciple of rogue cultivator Liu Renfeng— Xu Suyin!” Applause fills the arena. The announcer continues. “Second place, Gusu Lan Clan’s Lan Wangji!, Third Place, Yunmeng Jiang Clan’s Jiang Wanyin! Fourth place, Qinghe Nie clan’s Nie Haoyu!”  

“Congratulations, Xu-guniang.”

I jump out of my skin as a voice emerges from my side. I barely stop myself from stumbling forward and fully face the person, ready to level a glare for scaring me and—

“Oh,” Lan Xichen says, smile brighter than a sun. “Did I frighten you? My apologies.”

“Nope!” My voice comes out airy and squeaky. I clear my throat. “Lan-gongzi, thank you. I was simply not expecting you.” There. That sounded more like a human and less like a rat running away from a cat. And wow! Suyin manages a clear sentence without stuttering or embarrassing herself. Where’s my award man.

“You were very good out there. I didn’t quite expect you to be so skilled.”

Is he salty about his brother losing? Is he scoping me out for something? I can’t tell in the face of that smile. It’s devastating. Lan Xichen KO’s Xu Suyin using epic attack Smile. It proves to be fatal. Xu Suyin dead.

“My Shizun would be quite pleased to hear that. He’s taught me everything I know.”

How was I even talking comprehensible sentences is a mystery to both you and me. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a brain-to-mouth filter. My brain has little Suyin’s running around all professing their undying love to Lan Xichen.

“Xichen, are you bothering the poor maiden? Leave her alone, she must be tired after battling it out with your brother. It certainly looked intense.” Nie Mingjue places an arm on Lan Xichen’s shoulder, teasing him. Then, he squints at me. “Hey, you look kind of familiar, have we met—“

“Wow look at the time!” I yell, looking at my wrist instinctively realising I don’t have a watch and they don’t exist and then pretend to look at the midday sun. “It’s time for dinner! I meant. snacks. Sweets. Anyway, I should be leaving. Nie-gongzi, Lan-gongzi, a pleasure to have made your acquaintance.” I hightail it out of there before Nie Mingjue can piece together the fact that I was, in fact, the young dumbass who fell face-first into Lan Xichen’s pecs.

Not that I could feel those pecs. Cultivators here wrap themselves up with enough layers to make a nun protest.

I sigh for all those muscles lost to the world and look at my own bicep. Lean muscle, thin but toned— but nowhere near what I’d imagine Lan Wangji’s would’ve been. Not that I’m imagining. That would be Wei Wuxian’s job. I still wasn’t at the brute strength level that Lan Wangji possessed but I was certainly close to him in terms of Spiritual energy.

Regardless, what my Shizun told me had been tearing into me all day. Could I have won without the extra boost my excess Yang energy gave me? Would I still have the endurance and agility to go against someone of that calibre with Luohua shackling me?

I look at my ring and sigh. This was going to be hard.

Well, time to find out.

Now, to locate Shizun and apologise. I wince. That might be harder.

Chapter Text

The next few months after Jin Zixuan’s birthday passed by quickly. After nearly a month of heartfelt and grovelling apologies about how— xiao-Yin is very, very sorry and no, this disciple wouldn't dare to do it again in her wildest dreams — Shizun had eased up on attempting to kill me via sword training and had transitioned to stamina training.

Zhenyu, as usual, had gotten a kick out of watching me plead with my master— please go easy on me, Shizun, ow, that hurts OW— to behave like a cultivator with morals and set me up with muscle-loosening salves that allowed me to feel the same experience after a hot bath.

Not that I was getting any hot baths. In the last two years, after the fiasco at Lanling, we hadn't quite returned to the village we had been inhabiting. Rather, Shizun had kept us in constant travel. We'd crossed multiple villages, solved their corpse problems, and taken night hunt requests almost every day.

It went like this, Shizun would train me in the morning in various sword and spear styles and drill scrolls and information regarding a broad scope of tactics in the afternoon. Then the nights would be spent hunting down fierce corpses or ghosts. Usually, I'd be left alone on my devices, but my master would tag along when the night hunt sounded particularly interesting.

Like a gory spirit that had been killed so dead that it came back with enough vengeance to light a village on fire, now that was a pain in the ass to kill. And it managed to curse me. At that point, we figured that curses involving resentful energy were very quickly burned out by the excessive Yang energy that I possessed, even if it gave me a fever high enough to almost melt my brain.

Good thing my brain didn't melt. Zhenyu still jokes; maybe that's the reason I'm so emotionally incompetent. I was starting to wonder if Shizun was just curious to see what would make me and my energy tick, so he just threw me at diverse monsters with varying curses and jotted down the observations like a mad scientist.

Whatever it was, I was still alive and well and equipped with more knowledge about myself than before. Cases like mine had never been documented before, as all the children with registered cases of my ailment had burned out around the age of five, taking down a few buildings along with them. I suppose I should be grateful that Shizun found me something that could suppress my Yang energy.

Even after two years had passed, I still felt guilty about the match with Lan Wangji and Shizun's words rang in my head. Would I have won without the extra boost? Was it worth it? That was partly the reason I didn't complain once when my master threw me into training with a viciousness he hadn't before. I took everything he gave me without question. Even Zhenyu was a tad bit concerned for my health.

Shizun had not told us the reason why we moved around so often instead of settling down like we did previously, and I didn't ask. But one peculiar thing that had come out of this entire endeavour was that I was somehow now friends...? with Jin Zixuan.

It started when Shizun forced me to write an apology to the Jin heir when I accidentally spilled the beans on how I'd snuck into his balcony to get a better view of the arriving procession of people. Zhenyu had been appalled at the lack of my manners and had lectured me for a good few hours about etiquette. My hand still ached from the snap of his stick that he used crudely to wake me up when I dozed off mid-lecture.

I'd sent the letter to Jin Zixuan outlining some awkward apologies about how I had not kept myself in good conduct, and would he please forgive me? I also gave him the location of the next town we were supposed to be in and flat-out told him to write back to me if he had any wishes before the date, or else the letter would be better off thrown in the wind.

Rather dramatic, I agree, but I didn't expect the sect heir to even heed my letter, let alone reply back. Promptly as well, and delivered at the location I'd specified. He'd written about how he accepted my apology but asked rather intrusively about what the hell was I doing in that town.

For that, I wrote back reprimanding his manners with the new knowledge that Zhenyu had seen fit to bestow upon me and sent it back with a souvenir along with a short summary of my adventures there with a new location. He'd replied to that location and so on.

This had continued almost regularly for the past two years, to my great surprise. I responded to the sect heir in the first few months with formal letters, just wondering inwardly why he even replied, but that had soon devolved to a more informal way of addressing, and soon it even resembled letters between friends.

Shizun was infinitely amused about how often I was writing the Lanling heir letters, and Zhenyu found it fit to steal some space from the parchment for his own anecdotes, sometimes along with a book to send to Jin Zixuan.

It had come to a point where Jin Zixuan's letters were just him bitching about his idiot sect members, his mother's insistence on him marrying the Jiang girl, his cousin, his stupid insert name sect brother who had done something that the rich young lord found unforgivable, his cousin and did I mention, his cousin?

My address to him had devolved from Jin-gongzi to Jin Zixuan to the rich lordling who whines about substance not whine-worthy when I was in a mocking mood. And my letters to him had developed from a stiff curt minimalistic review of my night hunt resembling a mini-report to detailed funny descriptions of whatever had happened.

We were friends. Oh god, we are friends. I laughed when I read the last letter that detailed him watching the dirty water get dumped all over his cousin when he was being too stupid and careless with one of the horses.

I had totally not expected this to happen! Nor did I ever want this to happen. I was frankly horrified at myself for getting close to a canon character and being friends! Especially when Jin Zixuan was a character predicted to die.

Sometime around the last few months, in the middle of reading a letter from the irritating yet somehow endearing young lord, I had decided to at least save Jin Zixuan. He was arrogant and irritating with the self-importance of a peacock and behaved much like one, but he was also stupid, awkward and incredibly socially inept. He... wasn't someone who deserved to die.

Initially, I had no thoughts of messing with canon. I still don't. Much. But realistically speaking, I've seen and read enough isekai  in my last life to know that my plans would not work out that way. I could try my best to seclude myself in a corner of the cave, but my conscience would kill me. And besides, my situation right now wasn't exactly made for it.

People knew my name. That much was clear. My performance at the Lanling Jin tournament has not been forgotten. Aside from that, I also had the reputation of being the only disciple of the infamous rogue cultivator Liu Renfeng. Dragon Conquerer. Even if I wanted to, I could not possibly skip the upcoming war.

To live in obscurity, my body wasn't quite built for it. Nor is my choice of a master. Though at that time I didn't know he had such a title behind him, I did know that he was the man who killed half my sect in cold blood and nobody had even connected the dots.

While this meant that I would not be able to stay away from canon like I would prefer to, I also did not want to completely change canon. To do so would mean that I was actively diminishing the one proper advantage I held in this world. My knowledge of the future.

I wasn't a saint. I had no intention of saving every soul possible because that simply isn't realistic. Everything had consequences.

Changing too many things too soon meant that people who were supposed to live would die. Things that were supposed to happen would not, and that could just cascade into disaster and create a world much worse. Knowledge begets change, yet change negates knowledge.

All this considered, I still was determined to at least save Jin Zixuan from certain death. After all, his death happened following the conclusion of the war, which was the most dangerous thing that would come to pass. I hadn't ironed out the details nor did I know if I could even change the future, but I wasn't about to let my only other friend in this world die for absolutely nothing.

With that said, it brings me to why I was currently zooming on my sword towards Lanling yet again with Zhenyu next to me.

Jin Zixuan's birthday celebration. Yes, yet another one of those. This time, his fifteenth. The Jins truly had too much money if they were spending every year with a grand celebration.

I'd wiggled my way out of attending Jin Zixuan's fourteenth because I was still freshly traumatised from Jin Guangshan's slimy way of getting me to participate, and I was in the middle of hunting down a demonic Yaksha that feasted on people's flesh.

This time, however, I had no excuse and I did want to see Jin Zixuan's face, so I accepted his invitation and here I was in the sight of Lanling's big gaudy gold tower and its numerous steps. The celebrations were already in full swing. People milled in and out of the gates and the grand archways were decorated. The Jin had gilded the stairs in gold.

Zhenyu heaved out a sigh next to me, not looking away from his book. "I should've just stayed back with Shizun and spared myself all this travel"

I shot him a glare. "I didn't ask you to come."

"But then who would've gotten back the books I lent to the young master? You certainly wouldn't."

"You got that right." I scoffed. "And do you really want to get back those books? How is that manners."

"Do you have money to buy me copies of them?" He didn't even look away from the book he was lightly browsing as he climbed up.

"Probably not."

"Then we're getting them back."

With that settled, we started on the harrowing journey up the Koi Tower steps. Unlike the last time I was here, I was quite full of stamina this time!

Halfway in, I was barely breathing hard. All that training does pay off! Zhenyu for all his indifference towards training managed to keep up.

I bounced on the balls of my feet, rushing a few stairs, and turned to face my companion while I climbed in reverse.

Zhenyu's eyes flicked up to me for a moment before he returned his attention to his book. I frowned, bored.

"Zhenyuuuu," I dragged, "Do you really have to read this while we're climbing?"

"Yes," He answered absently, "I'm at the good part. Don't disturb me now."

"Isn't this a medical journal? How is there a good part? Are you maybe hiding something salacious under that cover?"

He graced me with an annoyed look at that. "I'm not you to waste my time on pointless romance novels—" His eyes widened suddenly, "—Look out!"

I barely had time to spin around before something heavy barrelled into me. I stumbled forward— or backward, in my case— catching whatever crashed onto me with one arm and dug my foot into the smooth gilded stairs. Zhenyu gripped my other arm, stabilising me from falling over.

"Shit," I groaned. That was a direct hit to my midsection. "What in the world was—"

My voice tapered off. I hadn't been hit by a log of wood as I suspected, but a person!?

The boy was still being held up entirely by me, his hair falling over his face and bruises covering the visible portions of his arm.

"Hey," I gently lowered the boy near the railings. We were still on the damn staircase. "Are you alright?"

"Obviously not," Zhenyu snapped, pushing me away. I fell back with an offended grunt. "Look at him! He's covered in bruises."

He had a point. Zhenyu rapidly rummaged around his pocket bag and brought out a tonic.

"Open your mouth," He said, "This is a painkiller."

The boy, who'd seemed rather comatose until then, with his eyes blankly fixed on a random stair, snapped to attention at that. "My apologies, young masters," He seemed to notice I was a girl and paled. It starkly revealed more bruises. "Guniang. My humble apologies. This worthless one had dared to crash into you. Please punish me however you see fit."

He then tried to fold himself into prostration, and my jaw dropped. Zhenyu moved faster than I did. He pulled the boy up before his knees hit the ground and shoved the tonic through his mouth. The boy choked against the rough ministrations but swallowed instinctively. Almost instantly, he sagged forward, boneless.

"Shit," I muttered again.

"The pain should recede soon. We need to treat your wounds fast before they get infected. Suyin, book an inn. We'll take him there. Now." Zhenyu was in full doctor mode, there was no stopping him now. He gently manoeuvred the boy into my arms again, but this time in a one-person lift. I unsheathed my sword. My muscles rippled faintly under his weight but nothing more. Either I was so strong or the boy was remarkably light.

"No," The boy murmured faintly, the tonic's effects slurring his speech. "Guniang, I will ruin your dress with my blood. Please allow me to apologise." He tried to wiggle out of my grip, panicked now, as though he was realising just how I planned to carry him. "Guniang, you will disgrace yourself, please let me—"

Other people climbing up were openly staring at us now. A few were murmuring to each other in shocked tones. I didn't care. I'd already shot out into the sky, taking a shortcut past the side of the stairs and heading directly towards the busy town. Furthermore, I didn't spare a glance to check if Zhenyu was behind me.

The boy's breathing grew laboured in my arms as the wind whipped around us. His speech was unrecognisable at this point, past weak protests. My brain was running rapidly. Somehow it felt as though I was processing too much information yet not enough at once.

I was forgetting something. Something important. But my mind was too scattered to locate exactly what I was forgetting. I gritted my teeth and headed straight towards the vague location where I knew an inn was located.

I touched down in the alley of a busy plaza instead of the middle of the road and shifted the boy so that he leaned his weight on me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Zhenyu landed next to us and pulled his other arm into the same position. Together, we dragged the unresponsive kid between us into the inn.

The innkeeper manning the counter looked at us with disdain. It morphed into a neutral mask when I placed a bag of coins before him. He handed me a room key with a warning. "Don't get blood on the sheets, or you'll have to pay for it."

I grabbed the key off and dragged the boy— I was rather getting tired of calling him "boy" but I didn't know his name and the niggling feeling that I was missing something only grew— into the room and placed him on the bed. He groaned.

Zhenyu got to work immediately as I stepped back. He opened his medical packet and out came salves and herbs I barely recognised. I looked away when he clinically cut through the boy's shirt in the middle, and busied myself with brewing a cup of oolong tea.

This gave me a well-needed reprieve to think about that gut feeling. I sipped my cup, racking my brain. It took three cups of tea before I finally realised, and the recognition came with a gasp. Zhenyu didn't even look up from where he'd been rubbing salves into bruises.

Fuck. Fuck.

What were the chances that this boy was Meng Yao? Surely not. Surely people fall down the stairs often. Maybe they wouldn't fall with the force akin to if someone kicked them down but surely. Surely my luck wasn't that bad?!

Meng Yao was the one person I resolved to avoid like the plague in the story. I was smart, but I had no illusions of my abilities. Meng Yao was a genius. This was the man who managed to fool Wen Ruohan. I didn't believe for a second that I'd be able to outsmart him. Maybe for a bit, since I did have knowledge of the future, but not too long before he'd be onto me.

And now he was right in front of me!

"Zhenyu," I said, voice laced with a hint of trepidation.

"One second," He replied, cracking Meng Yao's mouth open again to down another tonic. "I'm almost done here."

"There," Zhenyu said in satisfaction. He ruffled through his bag again and picked up a smelling salt. How does he keep all that stuff in there? There was atleast a table's worth of materials laid out in the bed around the area Meng Yao occupied.  

The smelling salts are waved under Meng Yao's nose. I watch the future plot-ruining sociopath twitch and flinch away, curling into a ball.

Zhenyu waits patiently, for Meng Yao to uncurl himself, and starts clearing up his herbs.

"You..." Meng Yao starts when Zhenyu's almost done stuffing everything back into his deceivingly small bag. I remained quiet, slinking back into the shadows, even though danger signals were flashing all through my head. Meng Yao was still disoriented enough to not have noticed me, "You help— No. Why... Why would you help me?"

Zhenyu doesn't react, he just continues to put away his herbs. "Why wouldn't I? It was a nasty fall you were in far. Good thing you crashed into Suyin, or it would've been much worse. Now lay back down, your dizziness will take an hour to dissipate."

"I'm the son of a whore. I'm worthless." The words are punctuated with vitriol that doesn't match his delicate face. Then fear floods his face. He tries to prostrate again. Tries, because he stumbles midway and falls before rushing to an upright position again. "Gongzi, this worthless one doesn't have the money to pay you for your services." His voice breaks into a stutter, "I'll— I'll be sure to find a way to pay you back—"

"No need."

"—I promise you I will—" A pause, "No need?"

"Yeah," Zhenyu shrugged. "I guessed you had no money anyway. I don't heal people for money."

Really? I mouth to myself. The amount of cultivators Zhenyu's extorted for his herbs were countless.

"Besides," He points back at me, "I'll just use her wallet to buy myself new herbs. She owes me one for dragging me here."

"Dragging?" I exclaim, "I didn't even ask you to come here."

"Guniang," Meng Yao seems to get paler if that was possible. Soon I figured he'd surpass the colour of a chalk. "I cannot believe I crashed— Forgive this one's incompetance with words." He bowed. "I hope I haven't caused you any pain. Please punish me."

"Whoa," I felt kind of guilty now, he wasn't the sociopath that I'd been framing him as quite yet. "Calm down, no harm done. Don't worry about the cost, I got it."

"Thank you for saving me. I will not forget this." Meng Yao's eyes shone with a determination I hadn't seen before.

"Okay!" Zhenyu clapped his hands, "Now that we're all acquainted with each other, let's go back a few steps, shall we? What's your name, clumsy-gongzi?"

"This one is no gongzi, young master." He bent in a formal greeting. "This one is called Meng Yao."

God. I knew there was no chance he'd be anyone other than Meng Yao, but to hear it outright just sent my spirit out of my body. Why am I so unlucky? Woe is me.

"Ah, pleasure, Meng-gongzi, My name is Zhao Zhenyu. This is Xu Suyin." I waved when mentioned.

"Xu-guniang, Zhao-gongzi. I apologise for all the trouble I've caused you."

"God," Zhenyu groaned, helping himself to a cup of my oolong tea, "Stop it with the apologies. You sound like a broken record. I already said it was nothing."

"Fuck." He spat the tea back out. "This is ice-cold you idiot."

I shot him an irate glare and sighed. "I brewed it a joss stick ago. I'll make another cup for Meng-gongzi here."

"Not now."

"No?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in Jinlintai for the lord's birthday right now?"

"Shit," I paled, rushing to look out the window. "I'm so late."

—————————————————————

"Where have you been?" Are the first words that are hissed out of Jin Zixuan's mouth when he sees me after two long years.

"Nice to meet you too lordling. Yes, it's been quite a while! I'm doing fine, what about you?" I replied sarcastically.

"You were supposed to be here hours ago." The Jin heir continued hissing, practically yanking me through the crowd.

"Yeah well," I dodged a drunk council member and allowed myself to be manhandled through the maze that was Jinlintai's halls. "I was a bit occupied."

"Occupied?" He starts ranting. I sigh. This wasn't going to stop anytime soon, I had a feeling. "Mother found it fit to invite the Jiangs and if I see Wei Wuxian again, I'm going to strangle him."

"Sheesh, Calm it with the suicidal urges, lordling. You can't take Wei Wuxian."

Predictably, he wasn't even listening to me.

"—And the Jiang maiden is also here. Mother has been pushing me towards her all day—"

I was actually sort of comforted that Jin Zixuan and I hadn't any awkwardness between us. In our letters of course, the awkwardness had bled way sometime around the first half of the two years, but I hadn't expected to translate so well in person. And somehow, hearing him rant was better than reading about it.

"—she's so plain, and I don't know why Mother keeps insisting on it, but both the Jiang brothers keep shooting me death glares—"

"Why, I don't know, maybe it's because you keep calling their dear sister plain?"

He stops to look at me. I raise an eyebrow. His face is screwed up in such a self-important, disdaining pose that it reduces me to cackles. He goes bright red.

"Shut up Xu Suyin." The lordling manages to turn a shade more crimson if possible.

My cackles shift to snickers as we enter the main hall. The party is in full swing as I expected. The floor is filled with cultivators in differently coloured clothes, all conversing or drinking. There's an expected strength of gold robed members but surprisingly, there's a lot of purple too. I spied some white as well.

Jin Guangshan holds court on his golden throne, a cup in his hand and a court surrounding him. He has a beautiful woman pouring wine in his cup. I don't see Madam Jin anywhere.

"Who are we avoiding anyway?" I asked, slipping myself a few sweet snacks. Jin Zixuan picks up a sweet off a passing servant and hands it to me. He scowls. "I'm not avoiding anybody."

"So I can go and greet the Jiangs?"

"Do as you wish." There's a haughty curve to his head, the way he snaps it to the side so like a peacock, and I was once again amazed at how Wei Wuxian had found the one animal that shared such a likeness to my friend.

"Calm down. I'll just steer you clear away from anymore Jiangs, alright?"

"There is no need. Because I am not avoiding anybody."

"Sure princeling. Of course, my lord." The scowl seemed permanently etched to Jin Zixuan's pretty face. It made him look five times less attractive, which was still ten times more appealing than the average cultivator.

I sighed. What was up with these cultivators and their insane genetics? I was still in danger of getting heart palpitations in Lan Xichen's general presence.

"Also," The glower in his face had twisted to a confused furrow between his brows. "My mother wishes to meet you."

I choke on the sweet I was eating. Jin Zixuan doesn't move an inch to help as I suffocate beside him and continues inspecting the very interesting floor.

"You mother what now?! She knows about me?"

"You've been in regular correspondance with me for atleast once a month for the past two years." He points out like I was stupid.

"But why?"

"I don't know." Was the frown in his face permanent? It never seemed to leave, unless to be replaced by a haughty glower. "She hasn't told me."

"Fine." I take a deep breath. "When?"

"Now?"

"What?!" I'm practically shrieking at this point. Danger noises blare in my brain. "Now?! Why didn't you warn me?"

"I just did," He points out again in that infuriating tone. I suppress the urge to shank the lord on his own birthday. It was with immense-self control that I took my next breath.

"Okay. Take me now?"

"What?" He looked genuinely surprised. "I thought you'd wiggle out of it like a worm."

"Hey!" I snap. "Can it with the insults and throw me to the wolves now."

He still looked rather dubious, so I shook his arm violently to relieve some of the pent-up emotion bubbling in me.

"Let's go now. I'm ready. It can't be that bad."

I don't know if it were my words or the near manic look in my eyes that convinced Jin Zixuan, but he looked rather fearful as he took me to his mother.

We stood in front of a chamber.

"Good luck." He said solemnly. "I will not miss you."

"I'm never coming to your birthdays again."

"You were only an hour away from missing it completely."

"Oh no." I shoot Jin Zixuan a desperate look. "Is this revenge for coming late? I promise I have a legitimate reason."

"Sure." He lifted his hand, directing me to the ominous door like a doorkeeper. "I wish you well."

"Wait." I clutch his arm as he turns to leave. I was sure my face was contorted in some emotion from the fear spectrum. "You aren't coming with me?!"

——————————————————————————

I had my answer to both the questions a few moments later.

One, Jin Zixuan wasn't coming with me. He pushed me inside and closed the doors shut so that I couldn't run out screaming.

Two, It could be bad. It could be very, very bad.

I feel sweat perspire from my pores when Madam Jin lowers her fan. She shoots me a look as sharp as her fan's feathers were, I was sure.

"So you're Xu Suyin."

Ah, Jin Zixuan, you asshole. I should just let you suffer your birthday alone the next time.

Chapter Text

Jin Zixuan was a traitor. A betrayer. Worst of the sort. He threw me to the goddamn wolves without a wink of warning.

I barely repress a shudder as Madame Jin looks me up and down. Her lip curls distastefully. It took a wondrous amount of patience to resist the urge to scowl darkly. I recognised that look.

It was presumably the way she'd looked barely hours ago before pushing Meng Yao down to his death. Fuck, Meng Yao. He would be a hardcore killer in the future with a heart of stone, but the heart needed to push a boy, barely of age, down such steep stairs? Heavens.

"Madame Jin." I bow, just the appropriate amount. Not an inch more or less.

"Liu Renfeng's disciple, I hear?" Madame Jin returns to running an idle hand over the calligraphy she'd been writing. She picks the brush back up and writes another verse.

"Yes, my lady, that's right."

"And you're the one A-Xuan's been regularly corresponding with."

The icy contempt was barely veiled. I had to pull my teeth together to not say anything disrespectful out of the friendship I shared with Jin Zixuan.

"The sect heir has been rather indulging of this one's letters and with his replies." I try amicably. Respect her! She's his mother!

A huff left her lips. That beautiful face, crossed in an expression of such abject distaste, left me rather perplexed.

I didn't particularly think I'd offended her before? I didn't think I'd done anything to offend her son either, so she really did have no excuse to be this discourteous to me. Regardless of my lack of station in a sect, my Shizun was such a prominent figure in the cultivation world that being his disciple gave me a status.

"How much?"

"Sorry?" I blurt before composing myself. "Pardon, my lady, but this one is unaware of what you mean."

"How much will it take to rid my son of you?" She waves her hand lazily. The brush in her hand spills a few drops of ink carelessly on the ground. "People like you always have a price."

It took me a few seconds before the insinuations of her statement caught up to my stupid, slow, brain. The rage is more of a tidal wave than a flood when it crashes.

"Apologies, my lady, but I don't understand what you mean."

"Impudent brat, are you impaired as well—"

I raise a hand. "I wasn't done yet."

Her mouth closes in sheer shock.

"Am I to understand, my lady, that you just tried to buy me off? From being friends with your son?" I laugh. It was nothing pretty. It was a high, short, mocking laugh. The kind Zhenyu does when he's ready to condescend someone to hell and back.

I leaned forward until I was at eye level with her. "Do you think me one of the prostitutes that you find here?" With your husband, was left unsaid but wholly understood.

Her hand snaps forward, and I dodge the slap easily. "My lady, I have been respectful to you until now out of respect that I hold for Jin-gongzi. But I am not a member of your sect. It is not up to you to discipline me."

I was definitely pushing boundaries here. This could get me banned from the Jin sect for life. Probably could cost me my friendship with Jin Zixuan. But the outrage boiling kept me going. I wasn't about to allow anyone to insinuate I was friends with him for money, least of all his mother. And I wasn't going to permit anyone to insult my Shizun. Even indirectly.

"If your son wants to be rid of me, he can tell me so." I shrug impetuously, "But Madame Jin, in a den of vipers, shouldn't you be glad your son has someone he can trust rather than buying them off?"

The brush digs into the paper so hard it pierces straight through.

"Someone he can trust? What a travesty," Madame Jin spat out, getting over her shock at my rather startling impudence. "He's betrothed."

I frown, "What does that have to do with—"

Oh. OH.

"Oh no no no," I wave my hands frantically. "Not in a million years, my lady, never even if the world were to crack and fall apart."

"What?" Madame Jin looked offended now. "It would be your greatest honour!"

"You were just offering to buy me off thinking I was attempting to covet him?!" I exclaim. "And now when I told you I'm not, you're insulted?" Make up your mind, woman!

Madame Jin's frown deepened. "You truly do not have malicious intentions with the heir of the Jin sect?" She scoffs. "Don't make me laugh."

"Believe it or not, my lady, not everyone in this world is ready to fall over themselves for your son. And I do not need money. Like you said, I am a disciple of the Dragon conqueror. Rest assured, we have more riches than we need." That was a lie. We did have enough, but I was penny-pinching since my budget covered a lot of Zhenyu’s medical materials. That shameless leech.

"So you'd have me believe a young, pretty maiden is just hanging around the future Jin sect leader for friendship?"

"For the record," I knit my brows together. "He's the one doing the hanging between the two of us."

We both glower at each other.

A hesitant knock on the door breaks our stalemate. Jin Zixuan slowly pokes his head inside. He scans me up and down and sighs, glad to find me in one piece. I extend my glare to him too. I hadn't forgotten his mother calling me a prostitute.

"If I could please take your leave, my lady," I bow again, stiffly. "I have business to attend to."

I push past the huge double doors and a bewildered Jin Zixuan and adopt a brisk pace to stride past the extravagant hallways. Jin Zixuan runs to catch up to me.

"Hey," He stops me. He looked rather constipated. "Was... Did..." He clears his throat. "What did my mother say?"

A fresh burst of anger flooded my system. "Why don't you ask her? " I snapped venomously and continued walking.

"Stop. Stop! Xu Suyin!" His shout stops me. "What even happened?!"

"Listen to me, Jin-gongzi. This one apologises if she has overstepped. I had made the mistake of thinking we were friends. I see now that I am apparently unworthy of the great Jin heir after all."

"What?! You're not unworthy! We are... friends." He reddens a little at the word and then that transforms into a scowl. "Did my mother..." He turns to march back in the direction of the quarters.

"Stop." I sigh, "She had a bit of a misunderstanding about me. It's fine."

And it was. It really was. I was just a bit keyed up due to Meng Yao's presence earlier. I would never have lost my temper like I did with Madame Jin and now Jin Zixuan in any other circumstance. Furthermore, I grimace thinking about the ramifications of my actions. Zhenyu would've kicked me if he'd been here. I acted like a teenager throwing a tantrum.

"And lordling, did I hear you say we were friends? Are we really? Aren't you being rather presumptuous?" I teased him.

He doesn't take it like that, though. "Are we not? I..." He looks down like I just killed his puppy. "I don't know. I've never had anyone other than my cousins."

Oh, man. Strike to the heart. Fatal hit. I backtracked rapidly and hurried to reassure.

"We are, stupid lordling. I was jesting."

"I'm not stupid!" His face reddened more in such a familiar way that I snort. "You're just a pesky dwarf."

I gape. "Did you— Did you just call me a dwarf?! Jin Zixuan!" I unsheathe my sword, shrieking. "You'll pay for that! I'm just fourteen, I'll grow some more!"

He blocks my brutish hit with Suihua and sputters when I attack him again.

—————————————————————————

"How is he?"

"He's stable now. I've reset all the bones that he dislocated. Some of his ribs are badly bruised." Zhenyu's mouth tilts downward in the way it always does when he's upset about something but still trying to be logical about it. "The injuries span farther back than the events of today. I had to rebreak some bones to set them right."

I'd taken leave from Jin Zixuan after spending a few hours and returned to the inn where I'd left Zhenyu with Meng Yao. The festivities were still in full swing when I left. The clamour could be heard all the way over here.

"Have you been working all these hours?" I ask when Zhenyu wipes his sweat on his sleeve. He looked paler and was dishevelled in a way he never allowed himself to be.

Zhenyu sighed. "He needed to be dosed once every few incense sticks when he woke up from the pain. I addressed all of his injuries. I don't think he's going to visit a proper doctor for them."

"Even the older ones?"

"Yes, and there's many of them. There's even many that nobody can do anything about. He must've got them when he was a child." Zhenyu runs a hair through his hair and buries his face in his hands. "He kept crying out for his mother. I... Suyin. Didn't he mention he was the son of a whore? He kept claiming he was unworthy of being healed. Of being healed, Suyin. Heavens."

Unworthy. That word kept being thrown around today.

"Zhenyu." I place a comforting arm on his shoulder. "You did the best you could. You've helped him more than anyone else has. Now," I push him towards the direction of his room. "Go to sleep. I will watch over him."

"You have to change his bandages in two hours. Give him the medicine in the glass vial by the bottle if he wakes up in pain. Check the herbs and reapply if they've blackened."

I nod to all of them. I knew the routine, but it would make him feel better if he said it anyway.

"Ah, fuck." Zhenyu clutches his head. "I need a painkiller."

Zhenyu swiped a vial and walked out, shutting the door behind him. It left me alone with Meng Yao.

Meng Yao; who would become Jin Guangyao. Who would frame Wei Wuxian and hack Nie Mingjue to pieces.

Who would kill Jin Zixuan.

—————————————————————————

Meng Yao wakes up to a calm but woozy mind. He feels like he's floating, feeling no pain for once. The aches that had been an ever-burning part of him were finally gone.

"Meng Yao." He snaps to attention instantly, hearing my voice.

"Drink this." I place a cup under his mouth and tilt it upward. He attempts to raise his arms and fails miserably, wincing. I sigh. "Just relax. Don’t keep straining yourself. "

Meng Yao was stiff as a board, but slowly gulped down the bitter broth Zhenyu had created.

“Where is—" He coughed raspily. “Zhao-gongzi. I owe him my life.”

“Zhao-gongzi is asleep right now. He’ll be up to check on you soon.”

“Oh.” Meng Yao slumped back like a puppet whose strings had been cut. He laughed suddenly— a broken sound that tore out of his throat. “I cannot— I believed, just because I existed— I'm worthless.”

"Don't judge yourself by the lack of action your father presents."

Meng Yao's head snaps to me. His eyes are narrowed, thinking, "You know who my father is?"

Ah, shit. I messed up, didn't I? He never did tell me who his father was.

"Isn't it obvious?" I raise an eyebrow, keeping my voice level. "You've got quite a few distinctive features from your father. Besides, why else would you go to Jin expecting anything?"

Meng Yao relaxes at that again, staring forlornly at a spot in the blanket.

"My mother—" He started, "She promised me that my father would receive me. That he was waiting for me." A sharp laugh, more like a shrill noise. "What lies she believed."

I didn't have anything to say to that. I knew his mother was dead by this time. But he didn't know I knew. Hence, I prodded with fake concern.

"Is your mother...?"

"She's dead." His voice was emotionless for the most part, wobbling only the slightest amount. I had no doubt he'd perfect it before long. "Died of an unknown disease."

The door swung open. Zhenyu yawned as he made his way in. "Ah, Meng-gongzi, you're awake!" He veered past me and pushed Meng Yao back into the bed gently, inspecting his injuries. "Ah, they're setting right. Good, good. How are you feeling?"

"Zhao-gongzi." Meng Yao was being held down by Zhenyu's startling strength. I did not doubt that if he wasn't, he'd try to bow, again. This boy was just shivering to express gratitude. "I owe you my life."

"You owe me nothing," Zhenyu said firmly. "We've gone through this already. Multiple times. I am a healer and this is my duty." He steps back, satisfied with his ministrations.

"You're on bed rest for the next week. I've already paid the inn to house you and provide you with food for the next week." He raises a hand to stop Meng Yao's protest before it can leave his mouth. "It's already been done. Use the opportunity to its fullest. Don't be an idiot. If you let it heal properly now, you'll be much stronger."

Meng Yao opens and closes his mouth a few times. Was I witnessing a glassy sheen to his eyes, or was that acting?

"Why—" His voice was hoarse, raspy. "Why would you help me? When I cannot pay you back. Why would you not grant me the opportunity to pay you back?"

"Hmm." Zhenyu put a finger to his chin as he ponders. Then he shrugs carelessly. "Who knows! Congratulations on being my first patient who I had to do extensive surgery on! Consider your debt being waived off for being my guinea pig if that makes you feel better."

I facepalm. But my mind was running rapidly. Meng Yao owing us an unpayable debt would be rather useful. But it seemed most of his gratitude was centred on Zhenyu and well... trying to steer Zhenyu into a direction suiting his machinations would be harder than pinning a donkey's tail. It seemed having his gratitude would be what I had to settle for now.

To his credit, Meng Yao was either already an Oscar-worthy actor at this age, or he really was feeling overwhelmed.

A pinch of guilt rooted in my mind. Was I being too suspicious of a fourteen-year-old boy? If it had been anyone else, I'd have joined Zhenyu in comforting them. As it remained, Zhenyu kept throwing me suspicious glances. I was acting too out of character.

"We leave tomorrow." Zhenyu nods. "I'll stay for a day more to check on whether your injuries are healing nicely and to ensure they don't get infected. Which they won't as long as you stay put."

I sigh. Zhenyu's generosity did strike at the oddest times. On one hand, he'll squeeze a nobleman criminally for a herb that costs ten times less than the price asked for and on the other, he'd deplete almost all his resources for no money.

We leave the room to allow Meng Yao to rest. I shrug. "So. Jinlintai again for your book?"

He tsks. "You go to Jinlintai again to get my books." He cocked a hand back in the direction of the room we'd just left. "Did you forget I have a patient?"

"Whaaaat?" I groan in exageeration. "But don't you want to wish the lordling a happy birthday?"

"Nope. You wish him for me."

I groan and whine a bit more before reluctantly getting up back on my sword to travel again. In the chaos, I miss Zhenyu's last words, said with a tinge of bitterness.

"Besides, he's more your friend than mine anyway."

Chapter Text

There was tension between Zhenyu and I. This had never happened before. Obviously, we'd fought before, and the fights had been brutal, but there had never been any resentfulness or awkwardness between us. But now it was there, and ever since the birthday celebrations, I couldn't help but notice it.

For the first time in my life, I was afraid to be blunt. I didn't know of the consequences if I confronted Zhenyu, and I was so fearful of the worst case that I just kept shut and ignored it.

Shizun had noticed as well; his furrowed glances followed us at every declined invitation for more "studies" as Zhenyu slipped away. He was distancing himself for whatever reason. But I had no time to further investigate, and training grew more and more brutal.

Shizun had finally agreed to teach me control by using Luohua, the old king's ring, as a weapon rather than a dam to keep my excess energy contained.

It led to a lot more accidents and a lot of blood loss, but I could survive a good few hours now with enhanced strength and Qi before I crashed hard and almost Qi-deviate. Well. Work in progress. Poor Zhenyu had been working overtime to keep me alive, tension forgotten, with asking for nothing in return.

He claims it's good practice for his healing abilities to have me as a guinea pig since I manage to land myself every sort of injury possible. And besides, I pay for all his expenses, so that evens out.

At this point, I didn't even know why he brought his wallet out when I was his walking wallet anyway.

I sigh, closing my almost empty money pouch with a huff as the money thief buys another set of prestigious herbs from Hualing. Experimentation, he calls it. I call it exploitation.

"Such a good eye you've got, young master. These herbs are fresh from the biggest herbal garden in Hualing with rare medicinal properties! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you to get it at such low rates."

"I'm sure it is." Zhenyu picks up a sprig and brings it to his nose. "Not as fresh as I would've liked, but this should do. Suyin, add this to the basket."

Obediently, I place the rehmannia in the basket and pay the seller, who grabs my money with a pleasant, satisfied smile. "Zhao-gongzi, please continue your patronage!"

"Can we leave?" I raise the overflowing basket. "I have no more money."

"Yes." Zhenyu stops observing the ginseng roots critically. "These are no good. Time to leave."

Zhenyu has the good grace to secure the basket with a cloth before handing it to me to bring back to the village. I clutch it tightly and take off on my sword, stirring up dust from the force.

Flying was such a rush. Adrenaline pumped through my veins every single time I took to the skies, no matter how many times I'd flown before. It only took me a few minutes before the village was in sight, and I was already landing before the cottage.

Zhenyu glides down some moments later, gracefully slipping off his sword and peering into the basket. "This will do for this month."

I snort, opening the door. "This month? This better do for the rest of the—" My voice trails off as my eyes widen in shock at the state of our home. Papers were strewn everywhere, and books left open haphazardly slid off the table as the wind rustled the talismans on the floor.

"What the fuck happened here." Zhenyu echoes my thoughts but I was already running to the backyard.

"Shizun!" I shout once and then again. "Fuck, what happened."

A whoosh sounded behind me. Shizun stepped off his sword, multiple heavy tomes in his arms.

"xiao-Yin." His voice was grave. He strides past me into the cottage and lays the tomes down on the messy table. "Nie-zongzhu is dead. He's been murdered by Wen Ruohan."

I drop the basket.

—————————————————————————

Suffice it to say, my day had been turned upside down. Shizun had almost turned the house over to investigate the effects of negative cultivation on Qi. He'd collected quite an impressive number of books on this subject matter due to my affliction.

He'd spent quite a few more hours poring over the new tomes he'd brought back and banished both Zhenyu and me away from the house for the rest of the day. I'd spent the rest of the day pacing for a few moments before I'd gotten too strung up and relieved my stress on a bunch of straw dummies and running my body through familiar sword forms. Zhenyu had defaulted to his usual panic reading with a glassy look as he contemplated possibilities.

The next day, we set off at the crack of dawn to the Nie Sect. It would seem that I'd be attending the funeral of the Nie sect leader. It took a few hours of non-stop flying before the Nie sect was in view. An uneasy feeling crept upon me. I didn't like where this was going.

I couldn't shake off the sensation that something bad was about to happen. Something big.

Shizun slipped away in the first few moments of entering the city, being led away by an older Nie cultivator. Another cultivator led us to our temporary rooms for our stay.

I don't notice Shizun the entire time of the funeral procession. I catch Jin Zixuan's eye and we exchange nods but I don't head to talk to him. This was not the place for casual exchanges.

Nie Mingjue, as the oldest son, assumes his position as head of the Nie family and as sect leader.

The uneasy feeling grew inside me, turning more taut as time passed. The sensation of agitation was never-ending. I felt as though I'd been pulled too tight without finding exactly what was pulling me.

Zhenyu hadn't spoken much either but his clever eyes had followed everyone. He was considering a possibility, that much was clear. He was shooting me random deliberative looks that made no sense to me.

My leg thrummed the floor in a rapid pattern as I waited for the conference to end. The elders of the Nie clan were meeting up with the newly elected sect leader regarding some matter. For some reason, my Shizun had been invited to the meeting but the sect heir, Nie Huaisang, had been left out. It was all just too suspicious. I had to talk to Shizun today.

The doors opened and I startled slightly, too lost in my thoughts to notice. My Shizun walked out, conversing in a low tone with the same elder from the previous day. Another elder bowed to him. "This will not be forgotten."

"Of course." My Shizun nodded stiffly. "I owed Nie-zongzhu this and more. Ah—" He caught himself. "The previous Nie-zongzhu now."

Nie Mingjue walked out in a daze, his eyes unclear for just a second before they focused in pure, blistering rage. He stalked off in a vague direction. I took this as a cue to approach my master.

"Shizun." I moved next to them. The elder's eyes settled on me and then flicked back to my Shizun. "And the other part of the agreement will be honoured as well?"

Shizun's jaw worked. I spied a nerve shifting in his temple and felt my eyes widen. My master was furious. Downright boiling with anger. As a generally laidback and nonchalant person, Shizun didn't get angry much. But he was ready to slice off the elder's head now. He sighed and the anger left him like a deflating balloon.

"Yes, it'll be honoured. I thank you for your patience."

We both stood in silence for long after the elder had left.

"What's wrong." My whisper broke the gentle balance over the turbulence in the air.

My Shizun didn't answer for a long while. "It is finally time for you to grow up, Xu Suyin."

—————————————————————————

"Are you sure that's what he said?" Zhenyu asks me again. "Are you sure?"

"For the fifth time, yes." I throw my hands up in exasperation. "How many times will you ask? The answer won't change."

"This is rather worrying, Suyin. I don't know what he's planning."

"You have an idea," I accuse. "I know you've been thinking about something from the time we came here."

"I—" Zhenyu hesitates, looking away. "I don't know."

"Zhenyu," I move closer, forcing him to look at me. "Tell me. Now. What do you think?"

"I overheard Shizun and Nie-zongzhu talking that day." He runs his fingers along the rim of his teacup. "On Jin Zixuan's thirteenth birthday. You were just introduced to Nie-zongzhu."

"Yes, " I say slowly, recalling that day. "You were in the library. I was socialising."

"Well, your Shizun and the Nie sect leader moved to the library soon after. They were reminiscing at first, talking about old times." Zhenyu picks up a pot and refills his half-full cup. "Then the conversation shifted to more sensitive things."

"Shizun was in the Nie Sect before he became a rogue cultivator." I chew on my nails, trying to recall the pieces of my master's past that I had put together from the snippets spoken over cold nights. "He was good friends with Qingheng-jun and Nie-zongzhu during their Cloud Recesses days if I recall right but he defected soon after from the sect after something major happened."

"Has he ever divulged what that something major is?" Zhenyu asks.

"No," I answer, remembering something from the previous conversation. "Never. But I assumed it was something to do with sect politics because the Nie sect leader seemed regretful that he would not rejoin the sect."

"Which seems obvious at first, any sect would fall over to get the great dragon conquerer in their sect, so why hasn't he joined a sect?"

"He said he enjoyed the freedom that came with being a rogue cultivator."

"If he is from the Nie sect, why doesn't he use a sabre? I've only seen him use Jiusi as a weapon in nighthunts."

"Where are you going with this, Zhenyu? What did they speak about in that library." My head throbbed. The stretched sensation was imploding.

"Resentful energy. Shizun was checking the sect leader's energy and commented on how corrupted it seemed."

My lips pressed together. That plot point. Everything made more sense now. I grabbed my head, trying to recall the details. My tongue felt laden and my head was heavy. Someone was calling my name. I tried to focus on remembering that specific information but it was like grabbing water with bare hands. It slipped through like a sieve.

"Suyin? Suyin!" Water was splashed on my face. "Suyin, what's wrong?!"

I grunted, scrambling forward, cutting my hand on the sharp edges of the fruit platter. My head cleared as the Yin energy seeped out, the ring activating and buzzing angrily, greedily swallowing up my overflowing Yang energy.

"Suyin." Zhenyu stressed, "You almost started to Qi-deviate. Calm down."

"Give me a second." I indicated, mind whirring. Zhenyu backed away with an unreadable expression that twisted his face into a myriad of concern, contemplation and something else.

Of course. The ancestral tomb plotline. The corruption must've been getting to the Nie Sect leader. But how did it tie to my Shizun? How did it tie to me? And it was Wen Ruohan who'd killed the sect leader so why was my Shizun, a rogue cultivator who had defected, tied up in all this?

So many questions and so little time for answers. This plotline was never fully explored in the original novel and my knowledge, which I'd considered enough for omniscience at the beginning, was painfully limited.

I risk a glance at Zhenyu, who is studying my face intently. There was no way that I'd be able to reveal all this to him. Not without him doubting the extent of my knowledge. And a suspicious Zhenyu was the most dangerous of them all.

I clear my throat. "What happened after?"

Zhenyu still looked doubtful but continued to talk, "Shizun got angry about something. He mentioned Qingheng-jun and how he'd never approved of this and something about the reason why he left."

The ancestral hall was filled with the bodies of cultivators whose restless spirits were forever locked in a fight with fierce corpses. Shizun was never the most moral person. That couldn't have been enough to make him leave.

Then again, Shizun had weird morals. He was downright enraged and slaughtered my town when tried to Salem witch trial me but shrugged off the fact that I had good reason to be witch-trialed. It just didn't make sense.

"We'd have to ask him," I say, making up my mind. "Directly, without theorising."

"Do you really think he'll tell just because you asked?" Zhenyu scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous, Suyin."

"Good question, Zhao Yu." I jump three feet in the air and Zhenyu knocks down a plate in surprise as Shizun appears at the feet of the doorway. "Why don't we find out?"

I gulp.

Shit.

——————————————

My fingers thrum the table rapidly. I eye the others in the room with an anxiety I haven't felt for years.

"Ahem," I clear my throat. "So—"

"No." My Shizun cuts me off. "Let us allow A-Yu to speak, yes? He does seem to be harbouring thoughts."

"So you've known all along." Zhenyu sneers. "You knew I overheard you talking."

Shizun snorts and raises an eyebrow, putting his hands forward. "The reason I moved there was so that you'd overhear us. You were a smart one, I thought you'd figure it out. It was a pity it took you this long. Perhaps I overestimated your intelligence."

"How could I have—?!" Zhenyu stops his outburst and takes in a deep breath. "I didn't consider that possibility before because it seemed so impossible to me. Now, it remains that it is the only possibility."

"Stop," I cut in, not able to tolerate being so clueless. "What are you saying? What possibility?!"

"You were always quite clever. I noticed it from the day Suyin brought you in. You were quick to pick up on things" Shizun concedes.

"But never quick enough, right?" The smile on Zhenyu's face was broken and forced. "Never good enough for you. Not like she was."

"Wait, wait a second." I was getting desperate now. Something was happening. Something big and I was missing the entire crux of the conversation. My fucking brain wasn't processing fast enough. They were both still speaking over me, as though I didn't exist.

"It is of no matter." Shizun looked a bit conflicted, and... guilty? "It served my purposes as I'm sure you've realised. And it has benefitted you quite a lot, as well."

"Benefitted?!" Zhenyu screams, throwing the plate off the table as he gets up violently. "I adored you! I admired you to the point where I was willing to follow you to the ends of the earth! And you used that admiration for your own purposes!"

"What the fuck are you saying?!" My voice raised and I got up too. "Don't you dare scream at Shizun! What happened?! What are you doing?!"

"He's abandoning you, Xu Yin. That's what's happening here." Zhenyu says venomously, every word meant to hurt. "And he raised me like a pig to be slaughtered."

"No. Shizun would never." I looked at Shizun and felt the beginning of pricks in the corner of my eyes when my master wouldn't meet my eyes. "No. No, no, no. Shizun please." The anger roiled and I faced Zhenyu again, feeling cornered. The words coming out of my mouth were clipped, "And what do you mean by raising you like a pig, Zhenyu. He treated you like his own disciple."

"He felt guilty over getting a kid's whole life to be revolving around him, probably!" Zhenyu laughed— a high, mocking laugh. "So he got a healer for her! The ticking explosion! Congratulations, I'm your biggest birthday present Xu Suyin!"

"Zhao Zhenyu!" For the first time since the conversation started, Shizun's voice rose. It cut through the tension like a butcher knife. "Sit down. Now."

Zhenyu sat down. So did I.

My master sighed. A world-weary, exhausted sigh.

"My family has served the Nies for centuries. We have always been their right hand and dedicated our lives to their cause. Our family motto was to keep our heads down and to save the Nies, come hell or war." He idly picked up a grape fallen from the upended fruit platter and crushed it. "I hated it."

"Ever since I was young, I'd been told that my life was to the young Nie lord, I despised that my fate was set in stone, especially so when it was revealed that I was far more proficient in the martial arts than the young master would've ever been."

Neither I nor Zhenyu dared to even breathe when Shizun paused, watching the grape run through his fingers. Shizun's past was shrouded in mystery and even I, with all my years with my master, had never heard anything more than the vaguest allusions.

"When I was sent to the Cloud Recesses, I met the young master Lan of that time. The world refers to him as Qingheng-jun now, but I knew him by name. He knew of my fated destiny and despised it even more than I did. It was he who offered me an idea to break through my fate."

Zhenyu sucked in a quick breath. "So that was why... but Nie-zongzhu? How did he accept?"

"What?" I asked again, feeling so stupid. "What was why?"

Shizun chuckled. "You never were too interested in my history, unlike A-Yu." Zhenyu flinched. "I defeated the ancient dragon Yao that had terrorised parts of the Nie Sect for ages under the condition that if I won, I'd be free from it. Free from having to sacrifice my life for the Nie heirs. That I would be allowed to defect and to live in peace."

Zhenyu frowned. "But why would you have had to sacrifice your life? And how did you even convince a fuddy-duddy Lan to help you break family rules?"

Everything clicked at once. Serving the heirs. Cultivator souls locked in an eternal fight with the fierce spirits. The ancient tomb. Shizun's family must've served the Nies and their heirs to resolve the problem with resentful energy. Shizun must've disliked the mould he'd been forced into and was desperate for an escape. But that didn't explain...

"My Yang energy." My throat felt clogged suddenly and I found it hard to breathe. "Did you think my Yang energy would solve the problem with resentful—" I couldn't speak.

"No." Shizun put a stop to that thread. "I was fascinated by your Yang energy, and yes, I did hope that it would provide me with a solution to the problem with the Nie cultivation technique but it became clear to me early on that it would only help you. Because the energy flows within you abnormally, you react to dangerous Yin energy abnormally as well. It could not be reproduced."

"Then why would you take me in as a disciple and keep teaching me? If I was of no use anyway."

"xiao-Yin," He says gently, "You would've always been my disciple. Be it useful Yang energy or not."

"Why me then?" Zhenyu interrupted. "Why would you take me in? A healer indebted to Suyin, sure, why teach me? Why pretend to like me?"

Oh.

I hadn't noticed. Zhenyu had never told me after all but in hindsight, it all seemed so obvious now. It was always I who had been the great dragon conquerer, Liu Renfeng's sole disciple. Though Zhenyu travelled with us everywhere only I was referred to as his disciple.

Shizun had never been as harsh with his training as he had been with me. My master allowed Zhenyu to slack off whenever he saw fit but threw me in the ringer for every lazy block.

Zhenyu hadn't been tensed with me the last few years, he'd been jealous. It wasn't my fault that our relationship was fracturing, rather it had been his own mind and his envy over my relationship with his idol.

Suddenly I felt like I wanted to laugh.

It was I who had brought in Zhenyu since that time running away from the Wens. I, who had forced my master into taking in a second kid. I, who was the root cause for all of Zhenyu's insecurities coming to life.

I, who possibly ruined the life of my best friend.

Last life or this one, tragedy with friendships seemed to follow me. My obliviousness a sharp axe and my rash actions the executioner.

A slap to my head tore me out of my thoughts.

"Shut the fuck up." Zhenyu spat out, glaring at me. "I know what you're thinking. Don't give yourself that much credit. It was my fault for expecting entitlement because of my status."

"I never had to pretend, A-Yu." My master continues, unflappable. "I did like you. And I knew you had great potential and attempted my best to nurture it. Healing and cunning were never my strongest suit. While I do not deny that I had ulterior motives for taking you in— a healer would've been the best companion for my disciple, one so prone to deviations— it did not mean that everything that I offered to you was for that purpose."

I slump back into my seat. This was too much information after almost undergoing a Qi-deviation induced by stress. And it just proved Shizun's point. I did need a healer. But I never wanted to impose that life on Zhenyu. I'd give my life up for him in a heartbeat. He was someone I'd kill and die for.

God. I wanted to cry now. I didn't want to deal with this anymore. But I had to bring up one point.

"Zhenyu also said you were abandoning me." My voice was somehow level and calm, betraying the stirring emotions underneath. "Since he's been right so far, are you leaving?"

Shizun sighs again. "I must fulfil my debt to the Nie. While I will not sacrifice myself for them, I must go to find a solution to appease the resentful energy in these lands."

"Take me with you." The dam broke, my voice was raw and tears flooded from my eyes as the reality hit. "You've always taken me with you everywhere you go, no matter the danger. Take me with you now. I promise I will not be a liability. I am strong enough to be an asset! You've made me strong enough!"

I knew from the finality in my master's tone that he had made a decision. But for the life of me, I didn't know why. Why he was leaving me.

"I promised to obey you to the ends of the world, so why? Why? How is this any different from our past expedition!"

"Because in the past, I had a destination in mind, xiao-Yin. Now, I have no end in line. And I will not subject you to an aimless life. " Despite all my bluster, Shizun's voice never rose. It stayed even. That somehow added to my anger. But my desperation far exceeded my anger.

"It's alright. I'm okay with it. I don't mind. Please let me come with you." Without my Shizun, I had no life. I was rapidly realising that. He had become my anchor, my home, my rock. And now he was washing away.

He brings both his hands up to my cheeks and wipes my tears away. In an unprecedented gesture, he places a quiet kiss on my forehead. I go still. "You have much to live for, A-Yin, my child. I have lived all my life. You will stay here in the Nie, take my former place and my rank with none of the burden attached to it and you will thrive. This is the gift I give you. Though you may see it as a curse now, I have hope that you will succeed and become much more exceptional than you are now."  

He turns towards Zhenyu and bows. My Shizun, who did not bow even to the Sect Leader he found unworthy, now bowed before the other child he'd taken in. "Take care of yourself and take care of her if you wish. I will not ask you to do anything for her though I do beg that you remain by her side."

I couldn't talk or move. I was frozen in place. Zhenyu, who had so many words to speak not a moment ago found none to leave his mouth now.

My Shizun left a few moments later, leaving the door open and taking my whole life with him as he left.

Leaving me.

Chapter Text

Zhao Zhenyu was not a person to be amiable. He spoke out rudely often, was brash with people he considered not worth his time, and gained a good part of his wages by scamming stupid noblemen with too much money in their hands and too little brains to realise when to stop pretending to be knowledgeable about medicine.

But the one thing he truly excelled in was smoothing things over. He'd spent a good part of his life picking up after Suyin and her running mouth, which created messes that needed his delicate touch to pat down ruffled feathers. That meant he knew all of her tells. About when she was about to throw hands. When she was about to walk out mid-conversation because of irritation. When she was about to babble something rude to the wrong person, and land them in hot water.

He'd perfected the art of kicking her shin when Suyin opened her mouth to retort or when she tried to fight her way out of a talking issue. Or to smoothly turn her back, making it seem intentional when she tried to walk out.

Suyin was ever-present for the majority of his life. That's why he missed her company now, like a limb being cut off from him. He found himself turning to a person not present anymore when he overheard someone say something stupidly ridiculous. When he forgot his wallet and spotted a rare item.

It had been a few months since Liu Renfeng had left to explore the problem that plagued the Nie sect and caused them to have Qi deviations. Zhenyu had spat out a few things in his rage and jealousy during that period that he regretted every time he remembered. To both Suyin and Liu Renfeng. Even if the man had ulterior intentions to take in Zhenyu, he had, after all, taken him in, fed him, and taught him how to fight while enabling his passion for healing.

Sure, he doubled as a dedicated healer for Suyin, but he'd do that anyway to keep her alive. And besides, it was his fault that he'd looked up to Liu Renfeng so much and admired him to the point of pain and expected recognition desperately.

Watching Suyin get that recognition effortlessly— well, he wouldn't say effortlessly; Suyin had gone through hell under his training and had pushed herself so much that he worried for the state of her body without as much as a single complaint. The point was that she never had to seek out his recognition or his pride. She'd always had it. And the man had been damn proud of her.

His only disciple. His crowning achievement even after slaying the almost unkillable dragon Yao that earned him his title.

After taking a few days to ruminate on his misery and feeling embarrassed about his conduct, he sought her out to apologise. He would make sure that she forgave him, his best friend, whom he had wronged so badly. He had been ready to grovel if needed, but—

"It's fine", Suyin nodded. Her eyes were red and sunken from exhaustion, and had the glow they usually possessed. Her sword hand was wrapped tightly in bandages. She was slouching in a way he'd never seen since her Shizun had drilled her out of it. He'd learned from the other disciples that she'd only taken one day to settle after Liu Renfeng left and thrown herself into training the very next day.

"You're not angry?" Zhenyu was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he couldn't stop himself from gaping. "I said I didn't mean at all, Suyin. I never should've said those things to you, or to Shizun."

"Yeah, yeah," She floated the bandaged hand in the air, waving him off. Zhenyu twitched. His fingers itched to unwrap it to see how and why she'd injured herself somehow when he wasn't present. When he was being a fucking fool and brooding about something that was just him being a childish imbecile. "I know you probably didn't mean them, but you were right, yeah? Just like always. Shizun did leave. He abandoned me just like you said he would."

"No," Zhenyu interjected firmly. "I was wrong. Suyin, he didn't abandon you. I don't fully understand what problem plagues this sect or why he decided to pull back into his duty after defecting from it for decades, but he didn't?"

"Didn't he?" Suyin's voice had contained no inflection of emotion. She sounded like she couldn't care less, and that put a heart-gripping fear in Zhenyu. There was nothing Suyin cared about more than her Shizun. "How else would you describe it then? And why are you defending him?"

"He left you in one of the major sects and left his significant rank and position to be inherited by you. You're a prominent member of a prominent sect. And he'll be back once he finishes finding a solution. As for why... I was wrong, Suyin," Zhenyu looked down, unable to meet her eyes. "I was jealous. That's why I said those things. I never meant them. He's done more for me than anyone has."

"I see," She didn't add anything on that matter. "Well, I have training now, so let's talk later."

And that was it. They talked later and made up. The weird tension between them caused by Zhenyu's jealousy had been shorn off, but it was replaced by a feeling that left him walking on eggshells around her sometimes. Like she was unreachable.

She'd refused the offer of taking up Liu Renfeng's previous position as Second, even though it was apparently part of the conditions he'd left, and had rather requested Nie Mingjue just to add her to the disciple roster if that was allowed. Nie Mingjue had looked surprised but accepted easily, a rare look of approval gracing his face. Zhenyu himself had been recruited to join the Healers as an apprentice, along with being a disciple.

A month passed, and Suyin had cemented herself as the strongest disciple among the juniors.

Another month and she'd earned Nie Mingjue's respect after challenging him to battle. She'd lost, of course, but the battle had been so exciting and invigorating that it had shot her up in popularity among the sect members. That was her first time using the spear her master had left her against an opponent.

Liu Renfeng left behind Jiusi Yisheng, the spiritual weapon in the form of a double-edged spear, loaded with enough energy never to have its sting dulled or edges blunted. It was sharp enough to cut through boulders like butter and carried enough punch to wreck anything under the right hands.

For the first month, Suyin had refused to touch it. She'd asked Zhenyu with a brittle tone to take it away from her sight forever. He did it, leaving her to stare aimlessly behind at the space it previously occupied. He'd also maintained it regularly until she'd asked him about it a month later.

Then, Suyin had spent the next month training day and night with it, barely touching Senlin or doing practically anything else. It didn't bleed into her fixed routine; she still trained with the other disciples in the hours assigned for it, and practised only during her free hours, but she also burned the midnight oil perfecting until Zhenyu dragged her away to sleep. Even so, she refused some days to leave.

There was something... different about her.

She'd always been weirdly obsessive with her training, only bolstered by Liu Renfeng's borderline demonic schedule, but this was an entirely different level. She'd barely rested, just trained and trained until she was satisfied enough with her level of prowess, and upon reaching that point, she'd asked him for a painkiller and knocked out on his bed only to challenge Nie Mingjue the very next day after resting.

For the two months, Suyin, usually easily approachable, had seemed closed off and unreachable. The disciples of the Nie sect knew her but didn't know her at the same time. She was the mysterious, famous disciple of a legendary rogue cultivator. The dark horse who managed to defeat one of the Twin Jades of Lan.

It was like a dam broke after the fight. Nie Mingjue had thrashed her soundly, but she'd lasted so long that she'd made him work for it. At the end of it, facing Nie Mingjue's bulky figure holding her down with his sabre digging into her throat, spear thrown away in the dust, she'd laughed for the first time in two months.

It was like she'd had her old self knocked into her by taking one of Nie Mingjue's crushing blows. She'd laughed until tears left her eyes, and Nie Mingjue, looking very alarmed and concerned, pulled her back up only for her to immediately demand a rematch. Zhenyu felt the knot in his chest that he'd been very aware of, unravel by a strand.

Nie Mingjue had called her crazy and commanded her to heal herself, and Zhenyu watched Suyin slip back into her old performative self that relished in attention as the other disciples freaked out around her, posing and flipping her hair back with a provocative and ambiguously narcissistic comment.

Later that night, he'd gone to her room with medical supplies like he usually did after her big fights, but for the first time, he hesitated. Because of that, he'd heard the sobs filtering through her door, heavy and grieved. He'd left, leaving the supplies in front of her door. The next morning, she showed up, freshly bandaged and eyes bearing no hint of ever shedding a tear. She smiled at him, a small quirk of her lips.

Another strand unravelled.

After that, she'd felt much closer to him, too, slipping back into their old back-and-forth. Bickering about every topic. She joined him again on his trips to the town for herbs and other items, where he cajoled her into paying for him like the old days. Suyin had always been careless with her money when he was concerned, and Zhenyu took full advantage of it, the knot in his chest untangling with every grumbled comment and dramatic huff.

She's also caught Nie Mingjue's interest and, by extension, his brand of grudging fondness when she spent her free time trailing after him, begging for a spar. He indulged her more often than not, too.

For the next few months, Suyin got along well with all the disciples. The Nies were aggressive and ready for a fight. Suyin was aggressive and ready for a fight. Any disagreements were solved quickly with fists. At the start, there were a few problems. Some juniors, who believed that she'd had it easy because Liu Renfeng was her Shizun, learned very quickly that her fists could break teeth.

They got along much better after a few big fights and broken ribs. The combined nighthunts helped too. She started using Senlin again, bringing out Jiusi only to fight with Nie Mingjue and the harder nighthunts.

Zhenyu knew he came off as cold and aloof sometimes, even if he could be charming when he wanted to and that Suyin probably would never believe it, but he did love her. He loved her more than the family he'd lost to the Wens siege because she was simply who he considered family now. Of course, he'd never say it out loud to her— Zhenyu would never hear the end of it— and he would lose all the reputation he'd cultivated for himself. That didn't mean he'd let her off easy. Like now.

"You're acting like a fool," Zhenyu drawls from his place, wedging open the door, watching her run about the room like a headless chicken.

"Shut up," Suyin hisses and unravels her braid with an anguished groan to start rebraiding. "It's not looking good at all!"

"What are you even dressing up for?" Zhenyu sighs. Nie Mingjue had sent him to fetch Suyin. His brother, Nie Huaisang, was arriving from Cloud Recesses after spending a few months there to learn from Lan-xiansheng. Zhenyu doubted she was putting in extra effort for Nie Huaisang, which left... Lan Xichen.

Zhenyu bursts out laughing once the realisation forms in his mind, "Are you seriously still freaking out over Lan Xichen? Does he even think well of you after you beat his younger brother?"

Suyin's hands pause their rapid movements, and she slowly turns, face set in horror. "No," she gasps, sitting right down. "Oh no, I didn't even think of it! Lan Xichen might hate me! He hates me?!" She looks skyward— to the ceiling, to be more accurate, since they were still indoors— as if praying to god to strike her down. Her hands are still stuck in her hair. Zhenyu thinks this is the most hilarious thing ever.

"How are you still not over it yet?" He asks, almost incredulous. She'd been mooning over Lan Xichen for as long as he could remember. She had spent hours waiting on Jin Zixuan's balcony during that one fateful celebration just to catch a glimpse.

"Zhenyu," Suyin speaks sagely, like every word was important. Her hands resume braiding. "One does not simply get over Lan Xichen."

"Whatever," Zhenyu rolls his eyes, "Just come. Nie-zongzhu sent me here to fetch you because they're arriving now."

"What?! You didn't tell me!" Suyin shrieks, carefully pulling the ribbon tight, and grabs her sword, rushing out the door. Zhenyu follows, closing the door, another sigh on his lips. Why did he decide she was family, again?

They arrive just in time. Suyin rushes, apologising frantically to Nie Mingjue, who just sighs, used to her far too much to show anything more than exasperation at this point. Nie Zonghui snorts and moves closer, leaving her space to the side to stand as the junior head disciple. She moves into place, and Zhenyu steps to stand behind the Head Healer.

They watch the figures in the sky grow closer, and the retinue lands before them. A figure in Nie green treads fearfully behind Lan white. Nie Mingjue steps forward, "Lan Xichen, thank you for bringing back my brother." He looks around the Lan, anger entering his voice. "I'm sure Huaisang was nothing more than a hassle. And to think he failed this year!"

"Da-ge," Lan Xichen smiles disarmingly with a soothing voice, "Huaisang might achieve better results next year. I hear the Yunmeng Jiang heir will be joining along with their Head Disciple? Perhaps the extra playmates will encourage him to do better."

"He better!" Nie Mingjue thunders, "If you fail next year too, I'm bringing you back here and breaking your legs. Then you'll practise the sabre until your arms break too!"

"Da-ge," A sullen voice speaks up from behind Lan Xichen's clothes. "If you break my legs, how will I practise the sabre? I need my legs for that. And I need my hands for painting!"

A soft laugh escapes Lan Xichen at this comment, and he brings his sleeve up to cover it. Nie Mingjue grows redder, grabbing at Nie Huaisang hiding behind with one hand, and picks him up like a cat being picked up by its scruff to continue yelling.

Zhenyu sneaks a glance at Suyin and barely restrains a snicker, seeing her awestruck expression. She had stars in her eyes looking at Lan Xichen interact with the Nie brothers.

Nie Zonghui cleared his throat when Nie Mingjue looked close to shaking Nie Huaisang right then and there. Lan Xichen turns curious eyes towards Suyin, and she freezes.

"I had heard that the Dragon Conqueror left his disciple in the care of your sect, much to the envy of others, Da-ge," Lan Xichen greets Suyin, bowing his head. "I don't think we've had a proper introduction yet."

Suyin's mouth opens and closes for a second before muscle memory locks in, and she pulls herself down in a deep bow. "Lan-gongzi, this one is undeserving of such praise. Nie-zongzhu was kind enough to take me in despite the unusual circumstances."

"Xu Suyin, stop it," Nie Mingjue snorts, "You would've been a credit to any sect. Xichen, meet the junior head disciple of the Nie sect." A grin spreads across his face. "Speaking of, how's Wangji doing? I remember he was quite sore about the tournament two years ago."

Suyin's smile turns stretched and pale, and she interjects immediately. "Lan-gongzi, I must apologise, I understand that the way I fought your brother at the tournament was not exactly orthodox, and I don't always fight in seemingly underhanded methods, but— "

Lan Xichen laughs again, interrupting her spiel, allowing her to take a breath. Zhenyu estimated atleast a minute of word-vomit from Suyin if she'd not been stopped. "He's fine. Wangji is focused on his studies and training. He's much better than he was two years ago as well." At this, Suyin panicked again, hands waving, trying to explain, but even Zhenyu could observe the twinkle in his eyes. Lan Xichen was teasing her.

Nie Huaisang sighs, "Da-ge, I promise I'll study next year! Wei-xiong and Jiang-xiong will be there too, so I'll definitely not slack off!"

Zhenyu doubted the slacking would lessen if those three joined together. But Nie Mingjue accepted the response with a mixed threat about burning the fans and letting the birds loose, and they made their way inside, Nie Huaisang's shrieks to his brother painting the scene.

Lan Xichen left for Cloud Recesses three days later. Suyin moped about it and sighed until Zhenyu hit her with a book to make her stop.

That brought them to their newest mission. Nie Mingjue had clocked that Zhenyu and Suyin were somewhat of a pair, so he'd called them aside to ask them to mind the young master of the Nie. He'd actually asked Suyin to drag Nie Huaisang to sabre practice, but Huaisang either slipped out of it cleverly or distracted Suyin and her five-second attention span with something shiny, interesting and thrilling and got out of it.

Which is why Zhenyu was brought in as 'backup'. Suyin to wrangle Huaisang, and Zhenyu for Suyin. He truly wondered what kind of nursery joke was happening here, but it led to Zhenyu developing a talent and a taste for fan dancing while Suyin took to painting like a duck to water.

Nie Huaisang was unbeatable.

No sabre practice happened. Hence, Nie Mingjue himself showed up every day to drag Nie Huaisang, resigning himself to the monumental task.

Well, atleast he managed to develop a hobby and make a friend.

Jin Zixuan, the one other person who used to keep regular contact with them during their travels, had always been more of Suyin's friend than his. The young master and he tended to clash with each other more than they got along. But somehow, he'd managed to crack her exterior, and then they were friends. However, it seemed that the frequent letters maintained between them had somewhat... stopped.

He'd asked Suyin about it, of course, but she'd been cagey and snappy the whole day after he drummed her, so he dropped the matter. She'd tell him if it was something important. Not worth losing wallet privileges over the Jin sect heir. So, whatever.

Months passed by again in the blink of an eye, and soon they were set to leave for the Cloud Recesses. Some other disciples, too, were accompanying Nie Huaisang with them to study for a few months in the almost-unreachable mountains of Gusu.

Gusu Lan. Known for their healing in all facets and domains of curses, spells and wounds. The sect with the greatest library, containing endless information.

To say he was excited for it would be a severe understatement. And he could tell Suyin was excited too. There had also been some... trepidation in her face when Nie Mingjue announced that they were to attend the lectures with Nie Huaisang. Like she'd been afraid of something.

He doubted she was afraid of Lan Wangji's reaction to something that happened two years ago, and Lan Xichen would not be the cause of that as well. The elder Jade had been the one to invite her to attend the lectures in the first place before he'd left for Gusu.

Suyin had also started training again. Straddling the tenous line between overstressing her muscles and training hard. This wasn't the same kind of manic that she'd been in after Liu Renfeng's departure. In this state, she seemed almost antsy and... afraid.

He recalled seeing that uneasy expression on her face when he'd depleted almost all his resources by healing that boy falling from the Jin Tower, Meng Yao. She'd acted out of character then, too, a tense look on her face, almost hesitant to help.

Another time with that same face was when Liu Renfeng mentioned the 'problem' plaguing the Nie sect. At that time, he wasn't sure if that anxiety and jitteriness were because she had nearly Qi-deviated only a few seconds earlier or because of the Dragon Conquerer himself, but now he was almost sure it was the same face.

The one where she looked like she was burdened by her thoughts.

There was something that she was hiding. Zhenyu didn't know what it was. But he'd waited to figure it out for a long time, and he had no problem being patient for some more.

Truth always did have an uncomfortable way of revealing itself.