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Eddie is taking Buck home.
It's such a simple act, something Eddie has done countless times since he and Buck grew closer but right now, even the thought of it sends shivers down his spine. After what happened in the last week, everything feels surreal.
The thing that was so normal to him feels like a luxury now, and Eddie learned how to never take this as granted the hard way.
But Buck is alive and he will get better, and that's all that matters to Eddie.
He is signing the discharge papers while Maddie is in the room with Buck helping him getting dressed despite Buck's sulk because according to him he's fine and he can do it all by himself, as if he wasn't the one to sway on his feet and almost black out if it wasn't for Maddie and Eddie holding him on both sides when he was trying to prove he's good.
This is first check-up appointment after they sent him home, he had to stay the night to get all his examinations done and of course Buck being Buck, isn't very happy about it.
That's why Eddie's trying to be quick and go back to Buck's room so he can keep the younger man in his sight at all times.
Thankfully his speed pays off, and he's done after the doctor hands him the prescription for Buck's meds and informs him about what and what not to expect.
And that's it.
They're going out.
He thanks the doctors one last time and makes his way to Buck's room, the door is slightly ajar and Eddie can hear Maddie's gentle voice; before Eddie goes inside, he finds himself stopping behind the gap and watching the Buckley siblings, a warm smile tugging at his lips.
He sees Buck sitting on the edge of the bed half naked with his legs dangling off and shoulders slightly hunched, staring at his sister, who has a loose t-shirt in her hand, unfolding it as she comes to stand in front of Buck.
She slides the fabric through Buck's head first, Buck's already disheveled curls sticking out everywhere now, and combs the strands that stick to his forehead away with her fingers.
She carefully holds Buck's arm and slides it through the sleeve, repeating the movement for the other one and murmuring apologies whenever Buck hisses quietly; after Buck is dressed, Maddie runs her hand down Buck's chest to smoothen the fabric, rubbing circles.
"I could do it, Mads." Eddie hears Buck protest weakly.
Maddie arches her brows, her voice playful. "And end up kissing the floor? Yeah, no." She smiles but when Buck rolls his eyes, Maddie places her hand on the back of Buck's head and pulls him closer to plant a kiss on top of his curls, closing her eyes and breathing in.
It takes more than a second for Maddie to pull away and Eddie knows the reason deep in his bones because he wants to do the same; even from afar, Eddie sees the glint in her eyes when she does let go.
Buck's face drops when he sees Maddie's expression, now bordering on breaking into sobs— her lips quivering and brows wrinkled, so Eddie decides it's time to barge in before things get out of hand.
"Your papers are ready." Eddie chimes in lightheartedly as he walks inside.
Maddie's and Buck's faces turn to him and his eyes briefly meet Maddie's before landing on Buck and Eddie feels a sense of contentment wash over him when he sees the younger man's face slacken with relief at the sight of him. Almost like he feels…secure now that Eddie is in the room.
The feeling isn't one sided.
Buck looks still a little out of it and tired, not that Eddie was expecting something different— the doctors told them he would need a lot of rest to fully recover and it will take a while for him to feel better, but like this he looks even younger and so naive, it does something to Eddie, it tingles something in his chest.
"Good!" Maddie says, looking at Buck. "Are you ready to go?"
Buck gives her a nod. "Yeah, I've been waiting for this moment since yesterday."
He slowly lowers his feet on the floor and pushes himself off the bed as he stands up, and Eddie immediately takes quick steps to take his place by Buck's side and holds his elbow to support him just in case.
Not that Buck shows any sign of dizziness this time round.
But just in case.
Buck lets out a quiet huff of laughter, side eyeing Eddie. "Eddie, I'm fine."
You weren't Eddie wants to say— to shout ; but he doesn't. Because if he does, he's scared he will shatter into thousands of pieces again, so he doesn't. He just stays silent and stares back with a faint smile.
"Did you pack everything?" Buck asks Maddie.
Maddie taps on the duffel bag on the mattress. "Everything's packed."
Eddie picks it up from the bed, and lets out a deep breath. "Okay, let's go."
Buck isn't going to stay at his loft this time.
They are going out, and Eddie is taking him to his place.
"You call me if anything happens, okay?" Maddie says—insists one more time while she gives Buck one last hug in the parking lot.
Buck holds her as tight, his lighthearted chuckle getting muffled by Maddie's coat. " Okay, I promise."
"Don't forget to take your meds." Maddie still doesn't pull away.
Buck rolls his eyes. "Maddie."
"Eddie."
It's a funny look on Maddie's face as if she's screaming Do something and Eddie gets it, it brings a smile to his face— a sincere one, but who is he to tell Maddie not to worry when he himself is on the edge of constant worry so intense that it drowns his every fiber.
"Listen to your sister." Eddie teases when Maddie finally pulls away and arches her brow.
Buck points at him. "You're a traitor."
Eddie gives a tiny shrug at his words but he can hear the fatigue slowly creeping up to Buck by the way his voice sounds washy and the spark in his eyes dims.
They should hit the road.
Apparently he's not the only one to catch up on that because she makes his way to the passenger side and opens the door. "Come on, get in."
Eddie checks his watch with a tsk . "Okay, time to go."
He doesn't get in until Buck is seated, Maddie helps the younger man get comfortable while Eddie throws the bag on the backseat, and only after Maddie closes the door he gets in.
"Text me when you guys get home."
Eddie nods. "Bye, Maddie."
"Bye, Mads."
Maddie waves as she watches them leave. "Bye, boys. Drive safe."
The road home is rather a quiet one other than Eddie's out of tune hums accompanying the indie song quietly playing in the background; he keeps his one eye on Buck and gives him occasional glances only to see him resting his head against the window and his eyelids already starting to droop all the way down. Eddie doesn't say anything, he lets Buck slowly sag into his seat and his tense form visible slacken; by the time they even make it to the pharmacy, Buck is out like a light, his chest rising and falling evenly with each soft snore.
He contemplates waking Buck up for a second— just in case he wakes up alone, but the way Buck looks so peaceful and yet so tired tugs at his heartstrings, so he decides against it. He can be quick and get those meds before Buck wakes up.
And true to his word, Eddie does.
Silently, Eddie gets off the car and buys Buck's meds and thankfully Buck is still sleeping when he comes back.
The rest of the road passes quickly, Buck doesn't really stir other than his injured hand resting limp on his thigh twitching ever so slightly; Eddie wants to wrap his fingers around Buck's cold ones and soothe him, he wants to give it a firm, grounding squeeze and make it go away, but he doesn't.
He just lets it sit in his throat like heavy bricks, sucking his breath out of him.
When they make it home and Eddie kills the engine, he slightly turns towards Buck and places his hand on Buck's thigh, shaking lightly.
"Buck." Eddie almost whispers. "We're here."
Buck's eyes slowly stir open, looking around as he blinks owlishly until he regains his focus, but his face falls in a faint, confused frown as if he's having trouble coming to himself and his surroundings and Eddie just won't sit there and watch.
"We were at the hospital for your follow-up." Eddie reminds him in a gentle voice. "You agreed to stay with me, remember?"
That seems to do it, because Buck's expression relaxes and the confusion crossing his baby blues fades.
He lets out a sigh before he nods, chuckling quietly. "More like you basically forced me into staying."
"Yeah, well—" Eddie shrugs, his brows arching and his lips twisting in a teasing smile— god, he missed this. "You gave me no choice."
They get out of the car and slowly make it to the door but before Eddie can even put the key in the lock, someone opens the door.
"Buck! Welcome!" It's Chris who greets them with a big grin on his face, clearly waiting for them to arrive not so patiently.
Buck crouches down a little and his jaws clenches to suppress the groan stuck in his throat but Eddie sees it no matter how hard the other man acts like he's not hurting; his hand rests on top of Buck's shoulder instinctively just in case. Just in case.
"Hey, buddy!" Buck chimes.
He opens his arms for a hug and when Chris wraps his arms around Buck's neck and basically melts against him like a puddle, a fuzzy feeling spreads all over Eddie's chest and fuses that ice cold sensation that was freezing him for the last week.
When he feels Buck's muscles start to shake beneath his fingertips, Eddie gives him a quick squeeze. "Okay, that's enough for now." His hand lingers on Buck's bicep as he slowly gets on his feet.
"Thanks."
"Are you hungry?" Chris asks. "Carla made lunch before she left. I waited for you."
"You didn't have to wait, Chris." Buck hesitates.
"I wanted to."
"How about you start setting the table until we change, and I'll help you when I'm done, okay?"
Chris nods. "Okay."
The rest of the day passes quickly between Eddie making a space for Buck's clothes and Chris spending his time playing video games with Buck, Bobby and May come in for a visit until it's time to go.
"You okay?" Eddie asks.
They are slumped on the couch next to each other, their knees brushing, watching a movie Chris put on.
Buck nods, smiling. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Do you need a pillow or anything?"
"Eddie." Buck's brows arch slightly, but his face is fond. "I swear, I'm fine. I'm comfortable like this."
Eddie stares at him, and lets out a defeated sigh. "Fine."
Okay, maybe he needs to tone it down a little, but it feels impossible to do that when Buck was only alive with the help of the machines. He wants to let that go, he fucking does but everytime he closes his eyes, it's either Buck's lifeless body under his hands or Buck lying in that hospital bed completely still.
He just needs more time is all.
But right now, Buck is next to him, breathing and alive and comfortable , so maybe he can start with that.
They hit the bed when the movie is done, Eddie doesn't let Buck sleep on the couch and Buck doesn't let Eddie sleep on the couch so they end up with sharing Eddie's bed— not that he minds, he actually feels relieved because Buck will be within his reach throughout the night and that's all he's been wanting since day one.
It's like they've done this a million times, how Buck easily chooses the the window side of the bed without even asking Eddie which side he sleeps on, it feels normal, it feels good, and it also scares Eddie a little.
But once he climbs under the covers, the exhaustion ıf the day creeps up on him and his eyelids threaten to droop, his brain fuzzy around the edges.
"You good?" Eddie mumbles.
Buck nods. They are facing each other. "You?"
"Yeah." He answers in a whisper. "Wake me up if you need anything."
"Eddie."
"Yeah?"
Buck clears his throat, swallowing. "Thank you."
To that, Eddie can only smile even though his heart skips a beat. "Good night, Buck."
"Night."
He drifts off to quiet and steady sounds of Buck's snores.
Eddie snaps his eyes open to Buck's quiet whimper It's so quiet, so small that almost impossible to hear but it's Eddie and if anything, every piece of his being is wired to Buck and Buck alone, even the slight change of Buck's breathing sends warning signals to his brain like tiny jolts of electricity and puts him on alert.
So when he opens his eyes and sees Buck lying on his back with his eyes screwed shut and brows gathered, with his lips twisted down and breaths coming out sharp and unsteady, he immediately knows something isn't right.
Buck is having a nightmare.
Ignoring his racing heart, Eddie props himself up on his elbow and places his hand on Buck's forearm. Voice low but firm. "Buck, wake up."
Buck's breath hitches in his throat as his eyes flutter open and he blinks a few times to wipe the sleep in his glassy blues but as he slowly regains his focus and stares at the ceiling, his brows knit even more and his lips twists down, his eyes filled with fresh tears.
But it's different this time. Buck doesn't just look confused. He looks scared .
Whatever Buck was dreaming about, it was bad enough to screw with Buck's mind and terrorize him so much that his already worn out brain can't separate what's real and what's not.
And seeing him this fragile feels like a sucker punch, like an elephant sitting on his chest strangling him to death.
Buck utters out another distressed sound, and Eddie's fingers wrapped around his forearm run up and down.
"Hey, it was just a dream." Eddie whispers, shaking his head. "It wasn't real."
Buck's head tilts to the side and he looks at Eddie like he's still struggling to snap out of it; when the recognition slowly begins to set in, his face falls in a frown.
"Eddie?" He breathes out. Tired.
Eddie's hand slides to rest above Buck's chest. "It's me. You had a nightmare, Buck, it wasn't real."
Buck keeps staring at him as he listens to Eddie, fear painting all over his face and his eyes shining with tears trying to flow; he looks at Eddie like he's desperately begging for some relief and Eddie has all the answers.
His voice wobbles, broken: "I'm— am I—"
"It wasn't real." He repeats one more time, and once more until he makes sure Buck believes it, he keeps rubbing tiny circles on his chest to soothe the other man and his hand never leaves its place no matter what, right above Buck's racing heart.
When Buck calms down enough to come to himself, his eyes close and lifts his trembling hands to cover his face but tears stream down his temples and wet his face anyway. He tries to take a deep breath but only a groan tears Buck's throat and he presses his fingertips to his forehead, and slightly curls onto his side.
Eddie pulls his hand away and places it on Buck's back, leaning forward. "What's wrong?" Worry dripping everywhere.
Buck's breath catches in his throat, voice muffled and weak. "My head hurts."
"Okay." Eddie rubs his back in circular motions. He was smart enough to take a bottle of painkiller from the bathroom and put it on his nightstand before he went to sleep, so he reaches for the plastic and pops out two pills.
He helps Buck to straighten up and puts the pills in his palm, then hands him a glass of water— Buck's hand still trembles as he takes it, and watches Buck gulp all of it.
Buck slides down the mattress and turns onto his side again, he closes his eyes but he looks nowhere near relaxed; with his pale skin and twisted face, the younger man looks in pain.
Letting out a sigh, Eddie runs his fingers through Buck's curls, melting at the way the other man relaxes and lets out a tiny sound under his touch.
"You think you can get some more sleep?"
Buck shakes his head in restrained movements. "I don't know."
His fingers lightly massages Buck's scalp. "Try?" Eddie whispers. "I'm here."
Eddie doesn't know when, but eventually Buck's breathings even out and he drifts off, maybe from the pain or the painkillers, Eddie doesn't know that, either.
He fluffs up his pillow and rests his back against it— the top of Buck's head plastered to his hip; Eddie keeps massaging Buck's scalp and watches him sleep until his eyes feel heavy and his vision gets all foggy, and when he finally falls asleep, his hand stays around Buck.
Buck is still asleep by the time Eddie wakes up early in the morning, still glued to Eddie's side. Eddie can see him clearly now that the sun is out and brightening the room with its hue; the younger man's face is slack and he's buried deep into the mattress. The headache and the nightmare must have done a number on him because he looks dead to the world.
It puts his worry at ease, because Buck is getting some rest, but the ache in his heart doesn't go away.
He watches the steady rise and fall of Buck's chest for a moment before getting up, lets the stillness surrounding the room do its job, then wakes Chris for school and sets the table, giving a start to his day.
When it's almost noon and he is slouched on the couch reading a book in silence, Eddie hears slow footsteps getting close, and he twists his head to the side to see Buck leaning heavily against the doorframe, just woken up.
For a big guy like him, he looks ridiculously small in his sweatpants and hoodie, and Eddie wants to protect.
"Oh, hey." Eddie smiles, putting the book aside. "You're awake."
But when Eddie takes a second look, something feels off.
Not only Buck looks tired— which is what Eddie was expecting, but his skin is ghost pale and even from afar, Eddie can see the slight trembles running through the other man's form.
So much for keeping his worry at bay.
"Buck?" Eddie's brows knit.
Buck's jaw clenches and his eyes briefly shut close, he lets out a shuddering, heavy breath and rests his temple against the wall, mumbling: "Don't feel too good."
He tries to take a step forward but sways on his feet like a leaf left in a storm, and it doesn't even take a second for Eddie to spring to his feet and rush to Buck's side.
"Hey, hey, hey." Eddie immediately wraps his arm around Buck's waist to steady him. "What's wrong?"
Buck utters out a weak whimper and slumps into Eddie, basically boneless. "Everything."
Eddie lowers his head and sees Buck making a fist of his injured hand to stop his shakes, so he wraps his fingers around to hold him. "Hey, it's okay."
He slowly guides Buck towards the couch, but Buck's knees threaten to give out after only a few steps and Eddie tightens his hold, pulling the man closer and supporting all his weight, Buck's trembles touching his skin. "Easy, easy."
A shaky whimper escapes Buck's lips before he can stop it, he grasps the fabric of Eddie's shirt like it's his life line and his breath hitches in his throat. "Eddie."
God, he sounds fucking scared.
"Yeah?"
Buck clenches his jaw. "Gonna throw up."
Fuck, okay.
"Can you make it to the bathroom?"
After Buck gives him a tiny nod, he quickly but carefully makes it to the bathroom.
The next thing Eddie knows, Buck's knees hit the ground and he starts to throw up in the toilet bowl, grasping the edges of the porcelain so hard his knuckles go white, the veins on his neck close to bursting out.
It sucks, is what it is. Plain and simple.
It sucks to see Buck hurting, it sucks to see him in pain; he knew this would happen, doctors told them what to expect, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
Eddie hurts with him always, but there is nothing he can do to make it go away. He can only hold him close and make sure Buck's okay.
He kneels next to him and rests his hand on Buck's back— feeling the trembling muscles, and draws slow circles in an attempt to soothe the other man.
"Shh, you're okay." Eddie mumbles, gentle. "You're okay, sweetheart. Let it out."
He keeps rubbing Buck's back until Buck's violent retches subside and turn to heaves, when Buck spits out the last taste of bile in his mouth, he closes his eyes with a groan and drops his head between his arms, breathing heavy.
"You want some water?" Eddie leans closer, whispering.
Buck nods, and Eddie brings him a glass of water but because his hands tremble too much to hold the glass, Eddie helps him take small sips.
He puts the glass aside when it's empty and his hand finds its place on Buck's back again. "Let's get you to bed, yeah?"
Buck doesn't protest— more so because he looks too battered to even move let alone make a sound; Eddie's arms wrap around him and pull him up, gently walking him to the bedroom.
When they're in, he eases Buck into bed and pulls the blankets up to his shoulders, Buck burying himself deeper into the mattress and letting out a tiny sound.
Eddie sits on the empty space next to him, and his fingers press the side of Buck's neck, feeling the erratic beat kicking against the cold skin. It's a little fast, but nothing to be worried about.
"I don't know what's wrong." Buck croaks out, sniffling. "I just want to feel better."
Eddie's face softens at his words and something stings his chest, and without even thinking, he runs his fingers through Buck's curls.
"You will." Eddie says— promises. "Just give yourself time."
Buck closes his eyes, whispering. "I'm so tired."
"Get some rest. You'll feel better when you wake up." After stroking Buck's curls one last time, Eddie slowly gets on his feet. "Let me know if you need anything."
But before he can leave, Buck's fingers wrap around his wrist and stop him, making him turn around.
"Can you— uh— can you stay?" Buck almost whispers, his big blue eyes looking at Eddie with something Eddie can't name but feels deep in his soul, it's a similar feeling to what he feels when he looks at Buck when Buck doesn't notice. Or maybe he knows but he's too scared to admit it. "I don't want to be alone."
A warm smile tugs at Eddie's lips, and if he sounds way happier than he should be, it's no one's business.
"Scoot over."
He climbs under the covers right next to Buck, and plasters his chest to the younger man's back, wrapping his arm around Buck's torso and resting his hand right on Buck's heart.
When he feels Buck relax under his hold and his heart skips a beat beneath his palm, Eddie nuzzles deeper and buries his nose into the crook of Buck's neck, hiding his face between Buck's skin and his pillow, breathing his scent in.
"Close your eyes." Eddie whispers, and pulls his pliant body impossibly closer. "I'm not going anywhere."
So, Buck closes his eyes and Eddie holds him as he sleeps.
He's not going anywhere.