Chapter Text
“Phil is far too lonely,” Wilbur whispered, watching as his father did boring paperwork at the kitchen table.
“He’s got us,” Techno muttered, leaning against the wall. His pink hair was tied back into a braid.
“He needs more than us. He needs a wife so he can subsequently divorce her and come crawling back to us,” Tommy said, his voice surprisingly quiet for someone who didn't know how to use his inside voice.
“Tommy, no,” Techno said.
“Tommy, yes,” said Tommy.
“I like the wife idea. We should get Phil a wife.” Wilbur nodded approvingly.
“How are you going to get Phil a wife?” Techno asked, tilting his head.
“I have an idea. Remember that girl, Kristin, that Phil met at that book signing event? The one who worked at the library?” Wilbur ushered Tommy and Techno into his room so Phil couldn’t hear their scheming.
“Not really, but continue,” said Techno.
“We should set her up with Phil,” Wilbur finished.
“Great idea Wilbur, but we never met her. Only Phil did,” Tommy pointed out. He laid on the ground and kicked his legs in the air, resting his chin on his hands.
“Exactly! We know where she works, but she doesn’t know us or that we’re related to Phil!” Wilbur exclaimed.
“I feel like you have a plan in mind already, Will. Care to share?” Techno absentmindedly cracked his knuckles.
“Only if you guys agree to help me with it.” Wilbur pointed at Tommy. “Especially you. No deviating from the plan.”
“I can’t agree to the plan unless I know what it is!” Tommy squealed.
“Fine, fine. Here’s how it’s going to go…” Wilbur said, “So, first, Tommy goes to the public library…”
Tommy had never been inside the public library before. Techno came here all the time before it closed for renovations, but never went back regularly after it reopened. Tommy didn’t like the implications that all these books had. So much knowledge, and so little time.
Steeling his nerves, Tommy went up to the front desk. There stood a short-ish girl with black hair. Her name tag read ‘Kristin.’ What a stroke of luck! Tommy found her right away.
“Excuse me?” Tommy said, his voice barely quieter than his regular speaking voice.
“Hello! My name is Kristin, how can I help you?” She turned around from sorting books onto a rolling cart.
“I’m looking for this book, it’s called Clementine versus the World,” Tommy said.
“Oh! Is it for a younger sibling of yours?” Kristin asked.
“No, it’s for me.” Tommy narrowed his eyes. Kristin continued to smile.
“I just read that book as a kid,” Kristin said, typing at her computer, “Oh, I’m so sorry. We don’t have that book here.” Tommy frowned, but this was going perfectly. They had already checked that the book wasn’t at the library. Oh yeah, Tommy thought, it’s all coming together. Good thing Tommy was such a great actor.
“I was really hoping to read it. I’ve heard that it’s good,” Tommy half-whined, trying to seem like a lost little kid.
“You could use that sheet over there to put in an order and I’ll try to get it for you,” Kristin said, pointing to a stack of small yellow sheets with a cup of pens next to them.
“Thank you so much,” Tommy smiled and picked up a yellow sheet, scribbling the words ‘Clementine versus the World’ and ‘Charles Randolph’ and his email so he could be notified when the book came in. He slid it into the little box and waved goodbye to Kristin.
Everything was going according to plan.
“Seems easy enough. What’s next?” Tommy said. The boys sprawled out around Wilbur’s room. Tommy was laying with his legs under the bed, Wilbur was laying on the ground and looking at the ceiling, and Techno was sitting at Wilbur’s desk.
“I have to convince Phil to carry the book at The Dragon’s Hoard. It shouldn’t be too hard,” said Wilbur.
“I feel like you’re underestimating Phil’s resistance to change,” Techno drawled.
“He’s not that resistant to change. I’m sure he won’t mind. I’ve suggested books in the past, so ’ave you!” Wilbur got defensive about his plans.
“C’mon Techno, you’ve got to ‘ave a little hope,” Tommy said, an edge of sarcasm in his tone.
“Shut up Tommy!” Wilbur yelled. “Anyways, I convince Phil to carry the book at The Dragon’s hoard…”
“I just don’t know if this fits with the store’s vibe, Will,” Phil said, looking at the order page for ‘Clementine versus the World.’
“Come on dad, you’ve been saying that you wanted to expand to more audiences recently! What if you put up a children’s book section next to the occult books?” Wilbur suggested. That managed to get a laugh out of Phil.
“I feel like you just want me to buy this book because it’s funny,” Phil said. Wilbur sighed.
“Phil, how could you be so smart and so dumb at the same time?” Wilbur bemoaned. Phil just punched him in the arm.
“Okay dickhead, come on. If I’m going to do a children’s book section I have to have more than one kid’s book,” Phil said. “You’ve only got the one.”
“Well,” Wilbur said, “There’s always picture books. ‘Clementine versus the World’ is a kid’s chapter book, but you could also get ‘The Cookie and the Mouse’ and ‘Goodnight’ and ‘Good Morning’ and ‘7 Angry Monkeys’ and-”
“I get it, Wilbur. I suppose I can buy those books. I mean, a new audience coming to the store would be nice. I’ll have Techno draw up an ad or something that we can post on social media…” Phil trailed off, searching for more children’s books to buy. Wilbur smiled.
Everything was going according to plan.
“Okay, so if you magically can get Phil to put up a children’s book display, what’s next?” Techno said.
“You make an ad for our store and post it on our socials! I’ll boost it with my music account and Tommy can boost it with his gaming account,” Wilbur said, grinning. “It’s the perfect plan.”
“How will we make sure Kristin sees it, though?” Tommy asked, “Wait, that’s her name, right?”
“Yes, that’s her name. Anyways I’ll tag L’manburg’s public library account. She’ll have to see it then.” Wilbur rubbed his hands together like an evil villain plotting to steal a dog. Tommy rolled his eyes.
“That’s stupid,” Tommy said, “But we can do it anyway.”
“I hate you.”
“I hate you!”
“Child.”
“Dickhead.” Tommy stuck out his tongue.
“Brat.” Wilbur flicked Tommy on the forehead.
“Asshole-”
“Shut the hell up!” Techno said, “We’ve got step three down, okay? In the near future, I make an advertisement…”
“Phil, is it cool if I put this up on our facebook, instagram, and twitter pages?” Techno said, showing the little advertisement he made. It had a bunch of children’s books in a clump in the center, surrounded by crow wings. The background was a castle, and the text read, ‘New at The Dragon’s Hoard: Children’s Section!.’
It was simple, elegant, and delightful. Techno was very proud of it.
“If you want, just make sure you have a list of books in the description of the photo, mate.” Phil didn’t look up from his computer screen.
“Thanks,” Techno said, heading back up to his room. His pc already had the logins for all the accounts, and all he had to do was upload it.
Techno sent a quick text to Wilbur and Tommy. Both of them were out at some place… Techno wasn’t really paying attention when they said they were leaving.
“Techno@blade*COOL11#11$...” Techno muttered. He had recently changed his password, and it was sometimes hard to remember. He quickly made three posts, and hoped that Wilbur and Tommy would boost it. Hopefully their likes were private, or they might doxx themselves. That would be pretty funny. Well, probably not.
Everything was going according to plan.
“And after you make the advertisement, Kristin will come to the shop and realize that Phil works there, and then they fall in love. Boom.” Wilbur dropped an imaginary microphone.
“Wow. You’re so confident,” Techno drawled.
“It’s his worst trait,” said Tommyy. Wilbur rolled his eyes.
“This is going to work, you guys. Trust me,” Wilbur said.
“Wilbur I’ve never trusted you ever,” Tommy said.
“Tommy, do you ever say anything helpful?” Wilbur retorted.
“Yes I do! Everything I say is helpful!” Tommy yelled.
“That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard-” Wilbur was cut off by Techno’s unmistakable drawling voice.
“Will you two shut up? I swear to god, I’m the middle child here but sometimes I feel like the oldest,” Techno groaned.
“Shut up Techno!” Tommy and Wilbur said at the same time. Techno rolled his eyes.
“Can we at least finish planning this attempt to make Phil less lonely?” Techno pleaded.
“Ugh! Fine. I mean…” Wilbur trailed off, then continued, “The last step is Kristin coming to the store…”
Tommy was usually the one that worked the front desk. He would sit on the little barstool behind the counter and spin around, waiting for someone to walk in. It was a little slow during the week, but on the weekends things got busy because of the numerous DND campaigns that rented their nooks for filming.
Still, on a Thursday evening, Tommy expected maybe one or two customers. Kristin would probably come in on the weekend, so he wasn’t worried about that…
Kristin was right outside the door. Tommy yelped, half-falling off the chair. He ducked under the counter and crawled towards Phil’s office. Just as Tommy ducked into Phil’s office, the bell on the door rang. Tommy heard it slam in time with Phil’s office door.
“Phil, I’m feeling a little dizzy, can you take care of the customer?” Tommy said, you know, like a liar.
“Of course! Just- are you okay? Do you want to go home early?” Phil asked. What a mother hen.
“No, I just need some water,” Tommy said, reaching for the mini fridge Phil kept in his office.
“Well, if you’re sure mate,” said Phil thoughtfully, “I’ll go take care of the customer. I’ll check on you in a little bit, mate.”
Tommy grinned. He opened one of the plastic water bottles in the fridge, watching as Phil left the office. He left the door open just a crack. That was good. Tommy would be able to watch what was going on.
“Welcome to The Dragon’s Hoard!” Phil said, waving. Kristin was still standing at the front of the store next to the door, as if she was conflicted about coming inside.
She said something back to Phil, but Tommy couldn’t tell exactly what it was. She was pretty quiet.
“Oh, the children’s books are over there, to your right.” Tommy could gather from context clues (like the big smart man he was) that she was asking about his book!
Phil sat down on the spinning barstool. Tommy didn’t have to see his face to know that he was smiling. A few minutes later, Kristin returned to the pay counter, a small stack of books in her hands.
“You’re Kristin, right? We met at that book-signing event?” Phil asked, picking up the books. Kristin nodded.
“Yeah, that’s me,” Kristin said.
“Well, it’s good to see you again,” said Phil, “I’m sorry I didn’t visit the library earlier. I’m pretty sure I said I was going to.” Phil laughed awkwardly and Kristin smiled.
“I said I was going to visit your store, but I haven’t yet either. It’s lovely in here, by the way. Perfect for a bookshop named The Dragon’s Hoard.” Kristin looked around at the decor. Behind the counter was a large mural that Phil had commissioned when he first opened the store. It was a landscape, dotted with castles, mountains, villages, and other things of the like.
“Thank you,” Phil said, ringing her up for the books. He added another one to the pile, and Tommy recognized it as one of his favorites. ‘Shattering the Past’ it was called. “That one’s on the house.”
“Oh, well thank you. I don’t believe we have this book in the library,” Kristin said, flipping the book over and reading the back.
“Probably not. It was published only a few weeks ago, but it hooked me right away,” Phil said, his voice light.
“Well, I’ll be sure to come back here for the latest releases,” Kristin said, picking up the stack of books. She left the store, and Phil began to turn around to return to his office.
Tommy scrambled away from his watching space at the door, leaning against the fridge. He sipped on his water.
“Who was that?” Tommy asked, staring up at his dad as he walked through the door. He had a goofy smile on his face.
“Someone I’ve only met a few times. She works down at the library, her name’s Kristin,” Phil said, “But that doesn’t matter. Are you feeling alright, mate?”
“Yeah, the water really helped. I’m feeling great. You should think about Kristin more, I’m going up to the front,” Tommy said, as fast as possible.
“What was that?” Phil asked, watching as Tommy rushed out to the front.
“Byeeeeee…” Tommy said, shutting the office door behind him.
“Are we sure it’s going to work?” Techno asked.
“Yes.” Wilbur crossed his arms.
“No.” Tommy stuck his tongue out at Wilbur.
“Yes!” Wilbur yelled.
“No!” Tommy screamed.
“I hate you both,” Techno droned.
“Shut up Techno!” Wilbur and Tommy said at the same time. Techno rolled his eyes.
“Kristin! Welcome back!” Phil said, leaving the pay counter and walking to the front of the door.
“Phil! It’s good to see you again,” Kristin said, “I’ve been here a lot recently.”
“8 or 9 times,” Phil said, “To get new books.”
“You always seem to have a new selection,” Kristin chuckled, “Got anything?”
“Of course,” Phil said. He went back behind the desk and took out a new collector’s edition.
“‘Heart of Diamond?” Kristin said, “I’ve been looking for the collector’s edition of this book for ages!”
“I just barely managed to get it,” Phil said, “I found it at a garage sale right before closing. It was still wrapped in plastic.”
“Wow,” Kristin said. She flipped through the pages. “I love this book.”
“Me too. It’s probably my favorite.” Phil moved to take the book from Kristin, and he accidentally touched her hand. He froze, but Kristin didn’t draw her hand away.
“You know, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Kristin said, finally moving her hand away to close the book. Phil drew his hand back and placed it firmly at his sides.
“Oh yeah? What is that?” Phil asked, leaning against the counter.
“I wanted to know if you’re free this friday,” Kristin said, “My favorite restaurant is having a couple’s night…”
“And you want me to come with you?” Phil smiled.
“Yes,” Kristin said, “It’s totally okay if you’re not free, though.”
“I’m free, I’m free,” said Phil, “What restaurant?”
“It’s called The Dream Bar and Grill,” Kristin said.
“Sounds good,” Phil said, “I’ll be there.”
Kristin left without buying the book, but Phil didn’t care. He just smiled and thought about Friday night.
“It worked!” Tommy said, bursting through the door into Wilbur’s room, “I was restocking shelves and Kristin came in and asked Phil out!”
“Finally!” Wilbur exclaimed, “I knew it would work.” Techno followed Tommy into Wilbur’s room.
“You thought it would work. You didn’t know.” Techno leaned against the wall.
“Shut up Techno!” Wilbur and Tommy said.
Techno rolled his eyes.