Chapter Text
Once was enough.
They had made the leap after years of strictly professional camaraderie, years of Levi blaming her for her impulsiveness and obsession with titans, years of teasing from Hange, years of their bond taking time to grow solidify and where the trust between them had come to grow as well as the respect they had for each other. Although the tensions between Mahr and the Eldian had not died down, life had changed since the Titans were no more. Levi had settled in Marley permanently and Hange had decided to stay there as well.
It was actually out of nothing.
Hange had invited Levi to her house one night for dinner. Eating together several times a week had become something of a routine for them as they learned to live this new, more peaceful life. During dinner they had finally broached the subject of the events that had brought them here. With painful nostalgia they had reminisced about the many memories they had created during all those years in the Survey Corps. Happy memories, others sadder. They had talked about their regrets, and Hange had been surprised that Levi had ended up confiding in her like that. She knew how much the man had been affected by the loss of his comrades during the war, but she did not know that he had been so traumatized. Levi controlled his emotions so well and always seemed so strong that Hange hadn't realized how much pain he was hurting deep inside. She knew he carried heavy burdens within him, but he never talked about it, so it was easy to believe he was invincible. But behind that stoic facade Levi was first and foremost a cracked human, a broken man.
That stirred something in Hange who ended up putting his hand on top of Levi's that was on the table. He had gazed into her hazel eyes for a moment, and they were struck. It was as if the two of them had suddenly let go as their mouths collided and eventually reached Hange's room as they urgently undressed.
It had been done with painful passion. He had kissed her scars that she had never shown anyone, and she had run her fingers over his as her hands explored his toned, battered body. She had felt him everywhere, around her, on her, inside her. She had added new marks to his pale skin as her fingernails dug into his flesh, overwhelmed with pleasure. It was as if everything they held for each other had been released like a dam that had broken and there was no way to stop it. They'd ended up falling asleep naked together, and when Hange woke up in the morning she'd realized that Levi had left, leaving the sheets soaked in his scent.
They had met several times afterwards in a platonic way, but they had never broached the subject of what had happened that night, as if it had never existed. Even though she tried to sound as indifferent as he did, Hange had actually never been able to forget the feel of Levi's body against hers, or the words whispered in her ear, or the way he had made her feel so good.
Two weeks later Hange had started feeling sick. For some mysterious reason she had felt more numb and tired, preferring to stay in bed rather than face the day, which was an unusual thing for her. And then, while she was chatting with Onyankopon over coffee, she suddenly felt very nauseous and ended up vomiting in front of the incredulous man. Before that Onyankopon had already pointed out to her that she looked different from usual and advised her to see a doctor, which she ended up doing. She expected to be diagnosed with some illness, but certainly not this.
Once was enough. Just once.
And now Hange stood in front of the doctor, livid, chilled to the bone, trying to make sense of what she had just heard.
"You are pregnant."
She was sure she would have collapsed if she wasn't sitting up. "B-But...are you sure ?" she couldn't help but ask the doctor in a trembling voice.
"The tests are positive, you are indeed about two weeks pregnant." the doctor answered categorically, definitively confirming her fears.
That day Hange returned home like an automaton, in shock. Having a child had never been in her plans, and she had always thought that you had to be crazy to dare to raise children in a world as dangerous as theirs. Over the years Hange had lost so many people she loved and she sometimes wondered how she had survived all those losses. An old saying goes "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but for Hange that was bullshit. In reality she only became more fragile and destroyed, but she had tried to create a protective shell around her heart. It was either that or she let herself sink into grief all her life. But this time, something was going to change her life forever, and in a whole new way.
A child.
An innocent and fragile being that she should protect all her life. A being for whom she would worry constantly to the point of being sick. A child was synonymous with happiness for many, and she had always told herself that she would never have the right to experience such a thing. However, after years of not believing it, life gave her this opportunity to become a mother. She had often joked that the titans she captured to study were like her children, but of course there was no comparison. Maybe by dint of playing this game life had ended up making fun of her by teaching her a lesson.
Now that the Titans no longer existed, the world had become a little more peaceful place and it was a lot less risky to raise children there, but Hange couldn't get her brain to realize that she was going to bring a new soul to this world. And that the father of this baby was Levi Ackerman himself. This situation was so unlikely that the young woman couldn't help but giggle nervously before her laughter turned into a sob. A jumble of emotions washed over her and she couldn't tell if she was shocked, worried or happy. Maybe all three at once.
Suddenly her stomach clenched as she realized she was going to have to tell Levi. Hange wasn't naive enough to believe he would jump for joy at the news, and to be honest she was a bit dreading his reaction. Hange told herself that she should mentally prepare herself for the possibility that she could raise this child on her own, as she strongly doubted that Levi's main goal was to become a father. Childbearing had never been her goal either, but she couldn't bring herself not to keep this child despite the fear she felt. Now that it was done, she had to assume.
How could she tell him such a thing ? 'By the way, thank you for the surprise you left me after our first night together ! I didn't ask for so much !' Hange chuckled bittersweet. What a surprise, indeed. But she knew Levi wouldn't take this news lightly and she had to find a more serious way to tell him.
But ultimately, why look for the best way to do it ? There was no better way to announce that she was pregnant, she didn't want to make it all a suspense or a big announcement as if she carried within her the hope of humanity. It was just one pregnancy among many others. There had been a veritable baby boom since the end of the Titans, whether in Marley or even in Paradis Island. Despite the trauma caused by the Rumbling, people had started having more and more children as if to celebrate the end of this nightmare. And now Hange was one of those people, although it had never been planned.
She then made the decision to tell him as soon as possible. She couldn't stay any longer with this secret to herself and she needed to share this with the principal concerned. She had this unpleasant feeling that she was suffocating and that she could only be relieved if Levi knew too, no matter how he reacted.
This choking sensation became more intense, making her gasp, and Hange suddenly felt her stomach heave which forced her to rush to the toilet. She vomited her breakfast into it and moaned as her stomach contracted painfully. Shit, she didn't know if it was due to her pregnancy or the thousand overwhelming feelings she was having, but this whole thing was starting to make her really sick.