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The last thing Ed sees before he's blinded by the whiteness is Mustang's shocked eyes.
He's in that dreadful, horrible place again, and it's making all the hair on his body stand on end. When his vision finally clears up, he turns around and, sure enough, it is right here.
"Hello, little alchemist. Sit down, you're going to be here for a while."
"What the hell?" Ed snarls. "I was in the middle of something, how did you even get me here?"
Truth shrugs, seemingly unbothered by Ed's rage.
"Wasn't me, I just managed to catch you on your way. I can't interfere too much but the majority of your brother belongs to me and you've been here often enough for me to have a claim on you as well. Most people don't survive even the first transmutation, you know, and this is your fifth time here, little alchemist."
"Why would you do that?"
Truth doesn't have eyes, but Ed still feels like it's staring at him like he's an idiot.
"You two are sacrifices. If I keep you here, his plan will fall apart."
"You can't just do shit like that," Ed says, all while getting a sinking feeling that there's nothing he can do about it. "It's against the law of equivalent exchange."
Truth inclines its head, humming lightly.
"I suppose it is. Very well, if you entertain me well enough your brother will complete the teleportation in his own body."
Ed doesn't believe his ears. This shit has to be a trick, he doesn't get this lucky-
Then again, not like he has a choice in the matter.
He inhales.
"So, there's this asshole-"
***
"One, two, three. Hmmm, the Fullmetal one should be there as well." Father taps the place his chin used to be. "Perhaps he managed to redirect the array flow so it led him to Flame?"
Hohenheim pauses his futile attempts at breaking free.
"Why would he do that?"
Izumi stops inspecting Alphonse's armor.
Father leans down to get a better look at his prisoner.
"Are you serious right now," Izumi asks.
"For someone who spent hours talking about starting a family you're not paying much attention to it, are you," Father says.
***
" -as if one bed in that shitty hotel wasn't bad enough, then this smug asshole had to be all like-"
"We're getting back to the one bed later."
"And then there was that one time in East city when he tried to shield me or something but he tripped and just fell on me instead, like god by that time the bastard should've known I can protect myself-"
"Mhmm. And how did it make you feel?"
"How did- the fuck kinda question is that? Mustang doesn't make me feel any kind of way! Besides being angry, that is."
"Of course, of course."
"And where the fuck did you get popcorn from? You don't even need to eat."
"What do you think I have a mouth for then?"
***
Pride lands softly next to Father, dropping Mustang like a sack of potatoes next to Izumi.
"There, all five sacrifices are collected."
"Four. Fullmetal wasn't with him?"
"No? He was supposed to go to you, wasn't he?"
***
"You know everything there is, right? How can someone so smart be so stupid? We were raised by the same mother, for crying out loud, and I know he can be perceptive when he wants to, it's just like he has a massive blind spot when it comes to the colonel."
Truth, who is still wearing his body (which is extremely weird to think about) nods in understanding.
"For someone who supposedly hates Mustang he sure talks about him a lot."
Alphonse sighs.
"Tell me about it, he won't shut up about the colonel during the day and then he goes and talks about him in his sleep almost every damn night as well! And I can't even cover my ears because I don't have them!"
***
"Colonel Mustang? I'm Izumi, the Elrics' teacher. Where's Ed?"
"He just disappeared in an array of some kind. Why is it so dark here?"
***
"Can you imagine how much time that asshole puts into styling his hair constantly making sure it falls just in the right place? Why does he even bother, he looks good regardless."
"Uh-huh."
"And the uniform fits him so perfectly? I know officers have their uniforms tailored but he just had to be a narcissistic douche and make it fit extra well, no-one has a natural waist like that. And god forbid the vain asshole isn't the center of attention for one second! The only time some woman tried to hit on me he got his panties in a twist and rushed in-"
"Wasn't she an escaped convict though?"
"Well- I mean, she was, but he couldn't have known that at the moment!"
Ed stops for a second, voice suddenly going hoarse from the strain, and Truth uses the break to break the news.
"Mustang has just passed through the gate."
Ed's heart skips a beat.
"Mustang? He's here? I told that bastard- What the hell did you do to him?"
Truth grins at him.
"What are you willing to pay for this information, little alchemist?"
"Who're you calling so little-" a practiced rant comes easily to his lips to buy him some time as he's frantically trying to think of something he can sacrifice and coming up with nothing in the face of the upcoming battle.
The Truth smirks, unperturbed.
"Let's trade, little alchemist," it cuts Ed short. "I'll fill you in on everything if you tell me how you truly feel about him."
***
"How the hell did you manage to lose him?" Father definitely doesn't shout as everything is under control.
"It was your array that failed, though," says Hohenheim, and immediately gets sucked inside for his trouble.
"And the armored one isn't there as well, so perhaps there was something wrong with the array," Pride says. "Although it is easy to lose someone so small, I suppose."
"The eclipse is starting, and we're short two sacrifices. Wasn't there an Ishvalan running about?"
Pride carefully doesn't roll his eyes.
"I'll see what I can do. Fucking told you not to leave everything until the last minute," Pride mumbles as he disappears in the shadows.
***
With nothing else to do but wait for Pride, Father starts monologuing. Before he can really get started he's interrupted by a flash of a bright light, and an extremely flustered Ed appears seemingly out of nowhere. He wastes no time before charging at Father and landing a few hits, not particularly caring about the still trapped Hohenheim, all while screeching "this is all your damn fault!"
Izumi, still holding a disoriented Mustang, watches the scene unfold in front of her.
"...which one of them is he yelling at?"
"Both, most likely."
Ed claps, promptly disintegrating Father in another flash of light. Leaving a confused Hohenheim behind, he marches to Izumi and Mustang.
"I had to talk about you for hours, bastard. It was actually enlightening," he says, and yanks Mustang down into a kiss.
Alphonse climbs out of his armor just in time to see this, and summarizes everyone's thoughts:
"Fucking finally".