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Sung Hanbin was always shining. He embodied the main concept of Boys Planet perfectly. Zhang Hao wasn’t surprised by this fact; he was the No.1 contestant after all. Sung Hanbin had always stood out to him - from the star level test to the 1st elimination, he was blinding. Even now, as he stood in front of the sign for “TOMBOY”, Zhang Hao felt the need to look away from Sung Hanbin’s overflowing radiance.
“Now, only one trainee remains. The trainee in 1st place, Sung Hanbin, will choose his song.”
Zhang Hao felt his muscles tense up. He questioned why he was anxious, surely, he didn’t have anything to worry about? There was no way Sung Hanbin would push him out – he was ranked 5th and was the G Group center. But he was ranked only 5th. Sung Hanbin was 1st. Sung Hanbin always got the killing part. Sung Hanbin was everything he couldn’t be. The feeling of inadequacy began to gnaw at Zhang Hao’s roots. They were both centers, but why couldn’t he ever catch up to Sung Hanbin? He couldn’t help but feel envious of the younger boy. Zhang Hao averted his gaze from the star that was shooting towards him, his thoughts drowning out the shouts of the other trainees. As Sung Hanbin drew closer, his stomach flipped. This was it. He was getting pushed out. Zhang hao braced himself for Sung Hanbin’s touch, but it never came. Sounds of disappointment arose as he realized that Lee Seunghwan was being pushed out of the group. Relief spread over Zhang Hao’s body, however he soon realized the predicament he was in. Sung Hanbin was once again going to take the spotlight, while he would be cast to the shadows. It was impossible to outshine the sun.
The presence of Sung Hanbin felt a little too comforting for Zhang Hao’s liking. They were friends, yet Zhang Hao couldn’t let go of the rivalry he’d build up in his mind. As they sat down next to each other, he looked away, deciding to focus on Park Gunwook instead.
“Let’s decide on who gets the killing part first, before we decide on the other parts.” Lee Hoetaek’s voice interrupted Zhang Hao’s thoughts, snapping him into work mode.
“Who wants the highlight?”
Sung Hanbin’s hand shot up, followed by Zhang Hao’s a split second later. Once again, Sung Hanbin had beat him. It was minor, yet it was still a defeat nonetheless. Though, Zhang Hao wasn’t going to be discouraged – he had obtained a chance to shine, to prove himself worthy of the G Group center title. Zhang Hao steeled his resolve, while Sung Hanbin started singing the killing part. It was impeccable, he thought to himself. But he needed to be better. He sang the part, trying to add flair to his words. Zhang Hao wasn’t sure if it was too much. Maybe the others thought he was being too extra and that he wasn’t as good as Sung Hanbin. Bitter regret began to cloud Zhang Hao’s mind, distracting him from Lee Hoetaek’s version of the killing part altogether. Ultimately, he concluded that he wasn’t good enough and his thoughts were confirmed by the rest of the team voting for Sung Hanbin for the killing part. No surprise there, he grimaced, as he accepted the fact.
Pulling himself together, Zhang Hao began practicing the part Lee Hoetaek had given to him. It was difficult, but he needed to pull it off. This was just another challenge in his life he had to overcome. Just like the CSAT and the countless music exams, he would have no trouble acing this. Until he did. Zhang Hao sighed in frustration, if he wanted to be an idol in Korea, he had to at least do this much. He cursed himself for not practicing Korean more, he knew didn’t put in enough effort. Sung Hanbin definitely didn’t have to try as hard as him – the golden boy was already a native speaker. Zhang Hao continued to practice, yet the frustration kept piling up. The weight of his mistakes dragged him down, why wasn’t he able to say such a simple line? He glanced at Sung Hanbin, debating whether or not to ask for help.
“Can you read this for me?” Reluctantly, Zhang Hao asked Sung Hanbin to help him.
Oblivious to Zhang Hao’s despondency, Sung Hanbin readily agreed. He leaned in to read the piece of paper. Zhang Hao could feel Sung Hanbin's breath on his cheek as he read the words out loud. Trying to avoid any distractions, Zhang Hao focused on the words and Sung Hanbin’s explanation on their pronunciation. Admittedly, Zhang Hao found it difficult to do so. Their proximity had led to him noticing how perfectly Sung Hanbin’s hair fell, softly enhancing his warm eyes and gentle smile. A subtle fragrance lingered in the air. Zhang Hao recognised it as Sung Hanbin’s shampoo – it was a pleasant scent, and for a second, he forgot about his current conundrum. Unfortunately for him, his happiness was short lived, as Sung Hanbin had finished reading out the line. Zhang Hao brushed away his previous thoughts and read out the line once more, completely nailing the pronunciation.
“You sound Korean!” Sung Hanbin beamed, proud of his friend.
“Really?” Zhang Hao smiled back, happy at his achievement. “I’ll make sure to practice this until the performance.”
Although he had managed to successfully say the line, his negativity still hadn’t fully disappeared. Asking for help had resulted in a blow to his confidence, especially since he had to get it from Sung Hanbin. Zhang Hao felt a little guilty as they resumed their individual practice. Sung Hanbin had helped him so earnestly, but he still had the audacity to feel envy and antipathy towards the younger trainee. Unwilling to dwell on the matter any longer, Zhang Hao immersed himself in his practice instead, making sure to perfect the rest of his part.
It was the day of the self-evaluation, Zhang Hao felt prepared for it – he had done all the practice he needed. The team had performed with no issues, leaving Zhang Hao feeling satisfied. Yet, when Park Gunwook started reding out the feedback from the other trainees, his heart sank.
“Trainee that needs the most improvement: Zhang Hao. He thought that you lacked the most confidence.”
“Ah, I agree.” Zhang Hao felt disappointed. Even after all the effort he put in, his insecurities were still visible to the other trainees.
“Trainee that needs the most improvement: Zhang Hao-hyung.”
Oh.
“Trainee that needs the most improvement: Zhang Hao.”
Zhang Hao sat in silence. He felt defeated. Didn’t he do enough? So much effort and for what? In the end, he was still lacking. He couldn’t catch up to Sung Hanbin and the feedback had solidified the thought in his mind.
Unable to focus for the rest of practice, Zhang Hao sat slumped against the wall. He had lost his motivation and his spirit. What did he have to give to the team? He wasn’t an all rounder like Park Gunwook or an experienced idol like Lee Hoetaek. Most of all, he definitely wasn’t an exceptional trainee like Sung Hanbin. He had nothing to offer and his sanity was hanging by a thread. He was consumed by his inadequacy and the frustration of never being able to catch up to the other trainees. He let out a deep sigh and buried his head in his hands. It felt like he was hitting a wall, over and over again. The more he tried, the more he failed. The more he failed, the more he felt like giving up. Maybe he was never meant to be an idol. Maybe he wasn't cut out for the harsh competition that came with the industry. The thought of quitting crossed his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had worked too hard to get here. He couldn't just throw it all away. But how could he continue when all he felt was doubt and inadequacy? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing thoughts. He knew he had to find a way to pull himself out of this slump, but he didn't know how.
As he sat there, lost in his own thoughts, he heard a gentle voice. He turned to see Sung Hanbin sitting beside him, a concerned look on his face. "Hyung, what are you doing?" he asked softly. “Are you okay?”
Zhang Hao shook his head. He expressed his thoughts to Sung Hanbin, in hopes that voicing them will make them go away. Sung Hanbin listened attentively, nodding every once in a while to show that he understood. When Zhang Hao finished speaking, Sung Hanbin placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Hyung, you're not alone," he said reassuringly. "We all have our own struggles and doubts. It's okay to feel inadequate sometimes. But don't let that stop you from giving it your all. You've come this far, and you have so much potential. You just need to believe in yourself."
Sung Hanbin's words were like a ray of sunshine, cutting through the dark clouds of doubt that had been hovering over him. "Thank you," Zhang Hao said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I needed to hear that." He loosened the grip on his knees, relaxing a little, yet his head was still hung low.
Sung Hanbin smiled warmly at him. "Anytime, hyung. We're all in this together, remember?" Gingerly, the brunette raised a hand to touch Zhang Hao’s hair. “Do you want to practice together?”
Zhang Hao's heart skipped a beat as Sung Hanbin's fingers grazed his hair. He couldn't help but feel a flutter in his chest at the closeness of the other trainee. The air around them seemed charged with an unspoken energy. Zhang Hao couldn't resist the pull towards Sung Hanbin, the gentle scent of his shampoo enveloping him.
"Sure," he replied, trying to avoid stammering. As they practiced together, Zhang Hao found himself drawn to Sung Hanbin's every move. The way his body moved, the way his voice filled the room, it was all so captivating. It was as if time had slowed down and there was only the two of them in the room.
As they finished their practice, Zhang Hao found himself feeling more alive than he had in weeks. Ideas were finally flowing into his head and he was feeling inspired. Sung Hanbin turned to him with a smile. "You did great, Hao-hyung. I think we make a pretty good team."
Zhang Hao couldn't help but feel his cheeks flush at the compliment. He realized that he was starting to see Sung Hanbin in a different light. Could it be possible that he was developing feelings for his fellow trainee? He pushed the thought aside, unsure of how to deal with the newfound emotions. Sung Hanbin was still his rival, someone he had to compete against and catch up to. This wasn’t the time to be feeling this sort of way. Yet unbeknownst to Zhang Hao, Sung Han bin had begun experiencing his own fair share of problems.
It was later in the night when talks of Sung Hanbin crying floated into Zhang Hao’s ears. As a fellow trainee, he felt concerned, so he made up his mind to go visit him. I’m just going to repay the favor, he told himself, no other reason.
Wumuti had told him that Sung Hanbin was in the laundry room, but Zhang Hao hesitated before walking in. Inside the dimly lit room, the usually bright and cheery Sung Hanbin was wilting in the corner. Zhang Hao could see the redness in his eyes, confirming the rumors. Without saying anything, he sat down next to the gloomy trainee.
As they sat together in silence, Zhang Hao couldn't help but feel his heart beat faster as he watched Sung Hanbin's every move. He tried to focus on comforting him, but his mind kept wandering to the warmth of Sung Hanbin's hand on his. He couldn't shake the feeling that he wanted to be closer to Sung Hanbin, to be the one to wipe away his tears and hold him tightly. But he knew those were just his own selfish desires and that Sung Hanbin needed a friend right now.
"I heard you were upset," he said softly, unsure of what else to say. Sung Hanbin simply nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The two sat in silence for a while, until Sung Hanbin finally spoke up.
"I just feel like I'm not good enough," Sung Hanbin said, his voice shaking. "I try my best, but I always feel like I fall short."
A pang of sympathy pierced Zhang Hao’s heart.
“It’s just, you know, all the other trainees and star masters have such high expectations. I need to do my best all the time, because I can’t afford to do any less. I’m so scared that I won’t be able to fulfil my role as the center – then I’ll just become a burden for you and the rest of our team. Ah- I’m sorry Hao-hyung, I’m just rambling about nothing.” Sung Hanbin wiped a tear from his eye, letting out a defeated laugh. “I’ve been having so much trouble in our individual practice, I keep messing up and nothing seems to be going right…”
Zhang Hao listened attentively; his heart heavy with empathy. "It's okay, Hanbin," he said gently, placing a comforting hand on Sung Hanbin's shoulder. "You're not alone in this. We all have our own struggles and doubts, but that's why we're here for each other. We'll help you through it, and we'll all work together to become the best we can be. You don't have to bear the weight of everything on your own."
Sung Hanbin looked up at Zhang Hao, his eyes brimming with gratitude and relief. "Thank you, Hao-hyung," he said, his voice choked with emotion. "I'm really glad to have you as my teammate."
Suddenly, Sung Hanbin didn’t seem as unreachable as before. Guilt washed over Zhang Hao once more. He had painted such an unrealistic image of him in his head but Sung Hanbin was just like him, another trainee struggling to do his best and keep up with everyone. He felt a new sense of camaraderie between him and the younger trainee and a desire to help him in any way he could.
“C’mon, let’s get you back to your room. I promise I’ll help you out as much as you need tomorrow. It’s important to get a lot of rest, otherwise where are you going to get the energy to do well from?” Zhang Hao placed a hand on Hanbin’s sullen head. His soft hair tickled his fingertips, causing heat to rise within his cheeks. Hopefully the laundry room was dark enough to hide this from Hanbin.
“Alright… Thanks again Hao-hyung.” Hanbin gave Zhang Hao a small smile as he stood up.
Zhang Hao averted his gaze. “Anytime, Hanbin-ah.”
As they made their way back to Hanbin’s room, Zhang Hao started to feel more conscious of Hanbin’s presence. His heart fluttered as their hands brushed against each other. Hanbin had always been touchy with him, so why was he feeling nervous now? Zhang Hao tried to shake off the strange feeling that was creeping up on him. Maybe it was just the stress of the training and the late hour getting to him. But as they entered Hanbin’s room, he found himself drawn to the other boy's soft, gentle features. He tried to push the thoughts away, but they lingered in his mind, making him feel confused and uneasy.
“Thank you again hyung, I’m really grateful for what you said to me.” Hanbin spoke softly, reaching out for Zhang Hao’s hand.
“You’re grateful? Then give me a massage.” Zhang Hao couldn’t believe what he just said.
Hanbin looked at him oddly, but then burst out laughing.
“Why? You don’t want to?” What was he saying? Zhang Hao cursed internally at his words. It wasn’t like him to say things like this – he didn’t want Hanbin to think of him weirdly. I mean, who randomly asks their friend for a massage? He asks himself. Nobody! No one does that! Cringing with regret, Zhang Hao opened his mouth to tell Hanbin that it was a joke, but to his surprise, Hanbin had agreed to giving him a massage.
Zhang Hao’s heart was pounding in his chest as he laid down on the bed, feeling Hanbin’s gentle touch on his shoulders. He closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh as Hanbin’s fingers worked their magic on his tense muscles. The room was quiet except for the sound of Hanbin’s soft breathing and the occasional creak of the bed. Hanbin's hands moved down Zhang Hao's back and he couldn't help but shiver at the sensation. The touch was electric, sending shivers down his spine and causing his heart to race even faster. Zhang Hao's mind was filled with thoughts of Hanbin and the intense attraction he felt towards him.
With each passing moment, the tension in Zhang Hao's body seemed to melt away under Hanbin's skilled touch. It was as though Hanbin knew exactly where to touch him to release the knots of tension that had been building up inside him for weeks.
As Hanbin's hands reached the small of his back, Zhang Hao let out a low moan, unable to contain his pleasure any longer. Hanbin's touch was like a drug, addictive and intoxicating, and Zhang Hao was hopelessly addicted.
With one final stroke, Hanbin's hands left Zhang Hao's body, leaving him feeling empty and wanting more. There was something erotic about the whole experience, and Hanbin’s scent on his bedsheets definitely made it worse. The sweet smell coupled with Hanbin’s masterful touch was almost dizzying – Zhang Hao couldn’t get enough of it.
“There, all done.”
Zhang Hao felt Hanbin’s weight shift off his body. He was a little disappointed, no, he was very disappointed. Hanbin’s warmth was comforting; it invoked something within him. Gradually, he got up, reluctant to leave this sensation behind. He turned to face Hanbin, wanting to catch another glimpse of his face.
Hanbin looked at him with a small smile. "Feeling better hyung?" he asked.
Zhang Hao nodded, trying to hide the bashfulness in his voice. "Yeah, thanks to you, Hanbin-ah."
Hanbin leaned in closer, his breath hot on Zhang Hao's ear. "I'm glad," he whispered. "You know, you can always ask me for another massage if you need it."
Zhang Hao's heart skipped a beat. Was Hanbin flirting with him? Or was it just his imagination? He couldn't tell, but the thought of it made him feel warm inside. Zhang Hao gazed into Hanbin’s eyes, seemingly lost in them. His pulse raced as their faces neared each other, with their hands entwined. Tenderly, Zhang Hao cupped Hanbin’s cheek with his free hand, with the younger boy leaning into his gentle embrace. His thumb lightly brushed over Hanbin’s pink lips, as the atmosphere became increasingly sensual. Their noses brushed against each other and Zhang Hao felt an urge to do something he shouldn’t.
Rustle.
Zhang Hao broke away from his current position and turned to his left. Fuck. He had forgotten that Lee Hoetaek was sleeping 2 beds away from them.
“I-I think I should go, Hanbin-ah.” He quickly excused himself and left the room, leaving a slightly dissatisfied Hanbin behind.
“See you tomorrow, hyung.”
Back in his own room, Zhang Hao was red with embarrassment. He was grateful that his roommates were asleep, he definitely didn’t want them to see him in this state. He had almost crossed the line just now – even though he personally didn’t mind doing that, Zhang Hao knew that both him and Hanbin couldn’t risk their careers over a little mishap. There was no time for love he thought, as he suppressed his lingering feelings. He convinced himself to forget about this experience overnight and that tomorrow, him and Hanbin were going to be normal friends again. Just friends. Nothing more, nothing less.