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Lucius Spriggs, LPC
“This is bullshit.”
Roach grunted. “Why? It’s only eight a.m.”
Pete huffed. “Exactly. It’s too early for crew meetings.”
There was a chorus of groans from everyone, where they were assembled on deck for their morning meeting. “First you complain when the Captain is not doing anything,” Wee John pointed out. “Now you complain that the Captain is actually leading us.”
Before the others could get going, Izzy cut in with his usual charm. “You fuckers wouldn’t know real piracy if it bit you on the ass. Edward would have us up before the sun.”
“Of course,” Lucius grinned at him. “You had to get back to your coffin before daylight.”
That earned him a handful of chuckles, and in true Izzy fashion, he responded with a snarl, “Fuck you, Spriggs.”
Lucius waggled his eyebrows. “Any time you want, Hands.” But right as Izzy started to take a couple of menacing steps toward him, Stede swept onto the deck. Normally Stede would have just pulled out a robe over his nightshirt, but today he was already fully dressed in a plain brown suit; no trace of his usual pops of color.
“Good morning, all,” Stede greeted without his usual burst of cheeriness. “I have spoken to Mister Buttons, and we are a day out from St. Lucia. We have some buyers lined up for our loot from the latest raids. Let’s go over today’s assignments.”
But Frenchie raised his hand. “Shouldn’t we wait for our other Captain?”
Stede straightened up, his jaw tightening. “Captain Teach will not be joining us this morning. Now on to your duties…”
There were raised eyebrows and knowing glances all around as Stede gave them their instructions. Ed and Stede had been nothing but lovey-dovey the last few months; it was downright nauseating. But Lucius would rather deal with that, than write Ed’s angsty break-up songs.
Stede had just about wrapped up when Ed stepped sharply on deck. “Captain Bonnet,” he greeted stiffly.
“Captain Teach,” Stede returned with equal rigidity.
“Why did you start without me?” Ed’s nostrils flared. “I thought we were co-captains.”
“Given you were still asleep on the couch when I was dressed, I figured you wouldn’t be awake for a little while, and it would be rude to keep the crew waiting.”
Lucius’ eyebrows flew up his forehead. Ed slept on the couch? Whatever their fight was about must be serious if the two cuddlebugs had slept apart.
Ed humphed before turning to the group. “You all know what needs to be done?” To which everyone nodded. “Good, get to it.”
Stede's chest puffed up. “ I was just about to dismiss them.”
“And I already did,” Ed said smugly. Both of them stared at each other for a moment before turning a heel, and walking off in opposite directions.
“What the hell was that about?” Oluwande asked.
Izzy knocked into his shoulder to follow Ed. “Who the fuck cares?”
“Uh, we care, so we don’t get marooned again,” Oluwande said to Izzy’s retreating back.
Roach shrugged. “Honeymoon period was bound to wear off.”
“I don’t want to be dumped on an island again,” Swede said, sounding genuinely worried. “Lucius, you’ll fix this right?”
With everyone staring expectantly at him, Lucius sighed heavily. “Yes, I will fix this.”
But first Lucius had been asked to do ammunition inventory with Jim. He’d been so busy recording numbers that he didn’t hear the door creak open. Hearing a quiet voice say “Hey,Lucius,” made him yelp and nearly jump out of his skin. Jim didn’t so much as flinch and kept counting cannonballs as if nothing happened. He looked over to see Ed standing in the doorway.
“Don’t you know how to knock?!” Lucius exclaimed, feeling like his heart was going to burst out of his chest.
“I did,” Ed replied at the same time as Jim said, “He did.”
“Oh.” Lucius blinked, not having a response to that. “Did you need something?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“About…?”
“Stede.”
“Is it about something he did…or didn’t do?”
Ed apparently needed to examine the doorframe. “Yes," he murmured.
“And have you tried talking to him first?”
There was a beat of silence before Ed reluctantly admitted, “...No…”
Lucius nodded knowingly. “Then you need to talk to Stede.” When Ed tried to protest, Lucius held up a hand, “No, no. You have to address issues with him first and foremost. I am not running a messenger service between you two.”
But Ed grimaced, appearing extremely hesitant so Lucius chose to remind him of something they had previously worked on together. “‘When your head starts to frustrate…”
“‘It’s time to communicate,’” Ed dutifully finished.
Grinning, Lucius told him, “Good! So what do you need to do?”
Ed’s forehead wrinkled in thought. “I need to be open and honest and talk to him where we won’t be interrupted.”
“There you go!” He patted Ed on the shoulder. “You can do this,” Lucius told him earnestly. “Good luck!”
Nodding to himself, Ed seemed unsure for a moment. But then he hardened into quick resolve. “Okay. Thank you, Lucius!”
“So how long until Stede comes to see you?” Jim asked once Ed left.
“Well Ed will go practice what he needs to say a few times and then talk to Stede, and Stede will want to talk to me almost immediately after. So let’s say…” Lucius thought for a moment. “An hour or so.”
“You think it'll be that quick?”
Lucius picked up the journal. “Ed is not going to sit on this for long.”
They grinned mischievously. “Care to make a wager?”
“Fifty dubloons?”
“Fifty?!” Jim exclaimed.
Lucius rolled his eyes. “Fine, twenty.”
“Ten.” Jim stared incredulously at him. “Since when do you have so much money to blow?”
Lucius drew himself up haughtily. “Since I am finally getting paid for two jobs: cabin boy and ship therapist. I get paid by the session.” He pointed to the door where Ed had just exited. “And that counts as one.”
Fifty-seven minutes (and ten extra dubloons) later, Stede came rushing over to Lucius where he’d been talking to Pete on deck. “I need to talk to you.” Pete started to open his mouth, but Stede clarified, “Er, just Lucius…if you don’t mind.”
Lucius kissed Pete on the cheek. “Be back in a few, babe.” Pete grumbled as he went about sweeping the deck. Lucius gestured to a couple of crates nearby. “Step into my office.” Once they were seated, Lucius asked, “What’s up?”
Stede took a deep breath before he launched into his tale of woe. “Well, Edward and I had a tiff last night and he ended up sleeping on the couch which is why he wasn’t at the morning meeting. But then he just spoke to me now about why he was upset.” He paused nervously before continuing in a quieter voice, “As you know, he and I have been together for a while which includes a…physical relationship.”
Lucius nodded, trying not to appear bored. Stede always liked to take the meandering route to his point. Stede liked context and was shy. It was endearing.
“Anyway,” Stede went on. “It has been a while since he and I had been intimate, and he said he was upset because he has always initiated and was waiting to see if I finally would do it and…I haven’t.”
“How many times have you initiated sex?” Lucius asked.
Stede nervously ran his hands up and down the fabric of his trousers. “Besides, the first time…” he trailed off. “Maybe twice,” he finished in a small voice.
If it were anyone else, Lucius would have cringed, but this was Stede and Stede required a gentle hand in navigating his relationship with Ed.
“So Ed has always initiated then?” Lucius clarified.
Looking down, Stede gave a minute nod.
Lucius pursed his lips thoughtfully. “And why do you think you let him?” Lucius thought he had a good idea of why Stede shied away from initiating sex, but wanted to see what Stede would say first.
When Stede silently shrugged, Lucius gently suggested, “Because it was easier? Because you were afraid of rejection? Because you didn’t know how?”
“All of the above,” Stede weakly admitted. “I don’t know what to do. How to be seductive.”
“It’s different for every couple,” Lucius explained. “There’s no step by step manual.”
“There should be!” Stede exclaimed, clearly frustrated. “It’s not like everyone knows how to navigate these waters!”
“Ed just wants to feel desired,” came Pete’s voice, where he stood by the railing. “Attractive and sexy.” He shrugged. “All those things that you want to feel, he wants that too.”
Lucius grinned proudly, holding his arm out. Trotting over, Pete happily accepted the hug. “Babe! That was beautiful.” Pete blushed at his praise. Turning back to Stede, Lucius said, “I couldn’t have said it better.”
“That is…” Stede’s thoughtful frown turned into a smile. “Thank you, Pete.”
“As for the how, ask Ed for a couple of things that he would find sexy to help get things going.” Lucius continued. “It doesn’t have to be anything grand like from a romance novel. It can even be humorous.”
“How so?”
Pete replied, “I hold up one of the cannonballs and ask Lucius if he wants to play with my big balls.”
Lucius laughed loudly over Stede’s groan. “It works! And sometimes I do tell him I’m not in the mood.”
“Yup!” Pete nodded brightly. Then he looked down at Lucius. “Do you still love me when I ask if we can fuck and you’re not in the mood?”
“Of course!” Lucius happily replied. “And do you still love me when I turn you down?”
“Of course!” But then Pete added, “But I have turned him down too.”
“Not often,” Lucius muttered under his breath, earning a gentle nudge to the ribs from Pete. He turned back to Stede. “Does that help you?”
“Yes, it does.”
“So you know what you need to do?”
Stede stood up, posture straight, like a man on a mission. “Talk to Ed first.”
But before Stede could go on, Pete eagerly announced, “And then get some!” But at Lucius’ shrewd expression, Pete quickly amended, “But only if Ed wants to. Otherwise, you know, you can get some later.”
“Thank you…I think.” With that, Stede got up and left, presumably to go find Ed.
Pete settled into Lucius’ lap. “Look at that, babe. Pretty soon the two of them won’t even need you.”
Lucius barked out a sharp incredulous laugh. “I highly doubt it. Besides, I like this double salary thing.”
There was a beat of silence before Pete played with the scarf around Lucius’ neck. “So you wanna play with my big balls?”
Lucius snorted. “ Obviously. Competency is a good look on you.”
“I should be mad, but I’ll take it!”
Giggling, the two of them held hands as they went below deck.
Stede took off, wanting to immediately find Ed. He ran into Izzy and Ivan first. “Have either of you seen Edward?”
“Not since he met your stupid ass,” Izzy complained.
Ivan rolled his eyes, and jerked his thumb toward the door. “I think he went to your cabin.”
“Thank you, Ivan.” Stede started to walk away, but stopped suddenly. “And fuck you, Izzy.”
He heard Ivan roar with laughter as he opened the door to their room. “Edward!” he called as he entered. “Ed, are you here? I need to talk to you.”
But he stopped when he saw the curtains were drawn over the nook; Ed was snoozing in their bed. Of course; the man loved his mid-afternoon nap. That was okay. He could wait for Ed to wake up.
Only he couldn’t; Stede wanted to talk to him now . Especially when he saw Ed wearing the red banyan and curled around Stede’s pillow.
He wanted to apologize and find out what Ed wanted him to do to feel desired. Stede was kicking himself because he didn’t know how exactly Ed liked to be seduced and he absolutely should! Ed should feel as desirable and sexy as he made Stede feel and how remiss of Stede to not do so.
But Ed looked so damn peaceful, his face relaxed and breathing deeply. He probably didn’t get much sleep on the couch and that made Stede want to apologize more. But Ed deserved some rest.
“I can hear you thinking,” Ed muttered.
Stede nearly tripped over his own feet in order to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry, darling. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just wanted to talk to you, but you go back to sleep and we can talk-” But he was interrupted when Ed gently grabbed his arm.
“‘M awake now. What did you want to talk about?”
“I’m so sorry. About the fight last night. Starting the morning meeting without you. Waking you up just now-”
“Stede, Stede,” Ed chuckled as he shifted to look more squarely at him. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I forgive you.”
But Stede plowed ahead. “But mostly I’m sorry for not doing my part in our physical relationship, for not making you feel as equally desirable.”
“Huh?”
Reaching out, Stede took one of Ed’s hands, the connection grounding him. He stared at their entwined fingers for a moment before looking into Ed’s warm brown eyes. “The reason I have never initiated intimacy was because I was so afraid of messing it up and making a fool of myself. It was always just easier to let you do it because you know what you are doing.”
Ed ran his thumb over Stede’s knuckles in a comforting gesture. “Mate, we were sitting on the couch once and I asked you if I could ride ‘a noble Stede.’ I hardly think I’m an expert in seduction,” he said dryly.
“But you do it with such confidence! And I didn’t know why you were so upset but then Pete pointed out that you just want to feel sexy and desirable too and I felt awful because-”
“Wait,” Ed interrupted, pushing himself to sit up. “Pete said that?”
“I know!” Stede agreed. “I was as shocked as you are but he and Lucius were exceedingly helpful.”
Taking a deep breath, Stede squeezed Ed’s fingers. “Anyway! I want you to feel as lovely as you make me feel and I know I should know this, but I don’t. So I wanted to ask you what I can do to make you feel desirable?”
Ed snickered. “You’re not going to take notes?”
Stede was affronted. “Heavens no! I don’t want that information hanging around where anyone could find it. I want to be the only person to know how to seduce Edward Teach, thank you very much.” Ed’s eyes melted at Stede’s admission. “Now I know it doesn’t have to be like in those romance novels-”
“I like that,” Ed quietly admitted.
“You do?”
Ed nodded. “Yeah. Like our first night where you had flowers and the scented candles and the soft sheets. That stuff is really nice.”
“It’s not too over the top?”
Ed vehemently shook his head. “It wouldn’t be you if it wasn’t over the top.”
Stede smirked at that. “What else?”
Ed fidgeted with the edge of the blanket. “I like when you recite poetry ‘nd stuff. Especially from that Shakespeare bloke.” Ed’s voice got quieter toward the end and a slight blush was on his neck.
At that, Stede picked up one of Ed’s hands and softly kissed his knuckles. He decided on a line from Ed's favorite play. “ I do love nothing in the world so well as you .” Then his smile brightened, “Like that?!”
“Exactly like that,” Ed purred.
“Thank you, Ed,” Stede said earnestly, his eyes burning embers. “This has been very informative and I promise to initiate more in the future.”
Ed slowly walked his fingertips up Stede’s forearm. “You could initiate something right now…”
Stede leaned in closer to kiss Ed, but suddenly pulled back. “What?! No! I mean, not like this!”
“What’s the problem?”
“You’re still initiating!” Stede gestured widely at Ed. “And clearly I need to pick up the slack so no; not right now.”
“Sweetheart…”
“No, no, no, I need to do this right.” He patted Ed’s blanket covered leg. “You just have to wait until later.”
"How much later?" Ed whined.
"Tonight," Stede decided firmly.
Ed groaned in frustration. “ Fine. Can you at least stay for the rest of my nap.”
Stede grinned. “That I will do!”
As Stede shuffled under the covers, he excitedly said, “Just wait until later; I’m going to romance your pants off!”
Ed threw a possessive arm around Stede’s side. “I’m counting on it.”
They shared a soft kiss and quickly settled down and Stede happily closed his eyes at the warmth of Ed’s chest at his back.
“Stede?”
“Hmm?”
“I thought of something else.”
“What is it?”
“You could come to bed wearing your cute little gnome hat.”
Stede huffed in indignation. “It’s a nightcap , Edward.”
“Wear your little gnome hat and only your little gnome hat.”
Ed giggled mischievously when Stede reached back to swat him on the hip.
The next morning
“This is bullshit.”
Everyone on deck groaned loudly, but Pete spoke over them. “What?! It’s after nine and we’ve been in port for an hour and we don’t have our morning orders.”
Frenchie leaned over to Lucius, “Is he this hard to satisfy in the sack?”
Lucius smirked. “Not hardly.”
Finally Stede stumbled his way on deck, wearing his golden robe over his nightshirt. His hair was rumpled, but he was smiling from ear to ear. “Sorry! Sorry! Ed and I – er overslept a bit. We’re meeting the buyers tomorrow so you are all free to do with the day as you please! But make sure you are back on the ship first thing in the morning.”
Ed practically floated to the deck, the pink robe swirling around his feet. Thankfully he remembered to put on pants as well. Ed had a tendency to forget clothes in his post coital haze. Wrapping his arms around Stede’s middle, Ed pressed a long kiss to his cheek. “And what about our plans for the day? More treasure hunting?”
“Now why would I need to go treasure hunting when I have the most wonderful treasure right here?” Stede was quiet and sincere as he spoke.
Izzy’s lip curled. “Ugh, there’s no fucking way Blackbeard is going to fall for a line like that,” he sneered.
But Izzy didn’t know Ed quite as well anymore because his cheeks turned bright red and he hid his face in Stede’s shoulder. “Oh my go – shut up , Stede.”
There were some eye rolls and more groans, but mostly everyone sighed with relief.
Well…almost everyone.
“Oh fuck off!” Izzy exclaimed. “That’s it. I’m jumping ship.”
Jim shook their head in disbelief. “You’ve been saying that for months now and you haven’t done it yet.”
“Aye,” Buttons agreed. “As the kids say, ‘i’s time to put up or shut up.’”
“I’m beginning to think you like us,” Lucius suggested with a wide grin. “It’s okay to admit it.” Izzy narrowed his eyes before he stomped down the gangplank.
Lucius started to head off with the others when Stede called his name. “A word please.”
Ed was still wrapped around Stede when Lucius stood before them. Stede pulled a handful of dubloons from his robe pocket. “For yesterday’s sessions. Both of them.”
“Plus a tip,” Ed added with a small grin. “Take your man out for a nice dinner.”
The coins made a satisfying jingle in Lucius’ pocket. “I’ll think about it. Thank you.”
“And thank you, Lucius,” Stede returned. “Ed and I-”
Shaking his head, Lucius waved his hands in dismissal. “No, no, no, no! I don’t want to know.” Much as he liked the two co-captains, Lucius already knew more than he wanted to about their sex lives, all thanks to Stede.
Stede pursed his lips while Ed laughed heartily. “I was going to say that we are doing much better.”
“Yeah,” Ed’s eyes lit excitedly. “Especially when Stede –"
Luckily Lucius didn’t hear the end of it. Plugging his fingers in his ears, Lucius took off sprinting away from them. “La! La! La! La! La!”
Several weeks later
“This is bullshit.”
Pete’s voice shot up among the cacophony of curses and moans of complaints. “I would like to say for the record, that was not me!”
“No it was me!” Roach called back, pointing to where Pete lay with Lucius. “How come you two have fancy pillows and blankets?”
Lucius smiled smugly while Pete snuggled closer to him. Lucius had purchased a very large and very soft quilt and two overstuffed pillows. “Because I provide sound relationship advice,” Lucius shot back.
“ I can do that!”
“But your advice always involves a knife,” Ed called out as he and Stede, hand in hand, made their way before the crew for the nightly bedtime story. Stede hopped up on the capstan first and then Ed joined him.
Roach huffed. “And?! Most problems can be solved with a knife.” Jim nodded in agreement.
Ed hummed thoughtfully. “Not in a relationship.”
“I disagree.”
“Lucius has helped us more times than we can count,” Stede pointed out. He brought Ed’s hand up to kiss his knuckles. “We are better than ever!”
“For now,” Lucius said under his breath.
“Besides,” Stede went on. “Who is more qualified than him? He and Pete have the healthiest relationship on this ship.”
Jim grunted from where they were pressed against Oluwande. “And isn’t that scary?”
“Now is everyone here who wants to be?” Stede asked, looking around.
Wee John nodded. “Buttons is moon bathing and Izzy,” he jerked his thumb behind him. “Is hiding behind the mast pretending not to listen.”
“Wonderful!” Stede chirped as he cracked open the book, Ed snuggled into his side. “Chapter eight…”
Once the crew was lulled into sleep, Ed and Stede went back to the cabin. Stede had gone to the ensuite to finish his nightly routine while Ed went around the room to blow out the last of the candles. He did leave a couple burning by the bedside in case Stede wanted to stay up and read.
Ed had just stripped down to nothing and climbed under the covers when he heard Stede call out, “Are you ready for bed, darling?”
“Yeah, love,” Ed stretched his arms above his head. “I’m –” Then he felt his eyes pop out of his head when he looked up.
Stede stood before him, wearing his nightcap.
Only his nightcap.
Even though Stede had been naked in front of Ed dozens of times, he still appeared bashful with a tentative smile and chest flushed with a delicious shade of red.
“Stede!” Ed laughed loudly. “What are you doing?”
“Seducing you of course!” Stede did a little spin. “What do you think?”
“I think you better get in this bed right now.”
Stede happily joined him under the covers and Ed eagerly drew him into his arms.
Much later, Stede lay sprawled on Ed’s chest, sweaty and sated. Ed slowly ran his fingers through Stede’s soft blonde hair. As much as their evening had been spent in giggles and soft touches and trying to keep that hat on Stede, it also involved tears from Ed.
No one had ever done such a thing for him. Before Stede, Ed’s sexual encounters usually began with a gruff, “Hey, wanna fuck?”
But now this sweet, silly man did his best to take care of Ed and try to seduce him the best way he knew how.
“I can’t believe that actually worked,” Stede murmured gleefully into Ed’s chest.
“Did you think I was kidding?”
Shaking his head, Stede ran his hand along Ed’s ribs. “No. Lucius had mentioned humor when I had talked to him and I never thought that, of all things, would be a way to seduce someone.”
“I liked it,” Ed whispered in the dark.
“Me too,” Stede whispered back.
“That boy is worth his weight in gold.”
Stede chuckled and the sound vibrated pleasantly against Ed’s skin. “Don’t tell him that.”