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At no request of your own, the doctor had spontaneously decided to take a detour to a small planet; uninhabited by sentients and abundant in water, it made for an ideal environment for nature to flourish.
He practically skipped out of the TARDIS, leaving you to follow him blindly.
Standing before a meadow of purple grass and cream-coloured flowers, you understand his excitement.
The doctor sweeps an arm out, showcasing the field of alien flora. "Look! Isn't it beautiful?" He sighs, glancing back towards you, beaming. Triplet suns illuminate his smile, his hair, his shining eyes. The unmitigated wonder in his voice leaves you breathless, achingly in love with the being in front of you.
Your heart thumps and squeezes, and you turn away sharply.
"Oi!" He calls, but you're already several paces ahead. "Hold on!"
He trails you all the way to the TARDIS. He's just steps behind as you shut her door, gentle even in your panic, and sink to the floor. The door creaks open again as you shove your palms into your eyes. Footsteps approach you, followed by a soft gasp as the doctor sees your crouched form.
Your chest heaves as your breaths stutter, choking you. Eyes burning, you wheeze, forcing air back into your lungs. It's not the first time the doctor's caught you like this, though it's never been for quite this reason. Recently, you've taken to running off or suppressing your attacks, terrified of the doctor catching on to your lovesickness. Said doctor's shoes click against the TARDIS floor as he sits beside you with practised ease.
"Touch okay?" He asks, rubbing the small of your back as soon as you nod. He reaches for one of your hands, placing it on his twin hearts.
"Like this, alright?" As he puffs his chest out with exaggerated slow breaths. You copy him as best as you can, lagging behind and coughing every few breaths.
"That's good," he encourages, "Doesn't need to be perfect,"
Slowly, you return to some semblance of equilibrium, calm in your breathing, if not your thoughts.
"Can you talk?"
You shake your head, biting your lip.
"Hey," he whispers, thumbing at your bottom lip until you release it, "That's alright. Plenty of species can't speak at all, you know. Perfectly ordinary to have moments where you can't. I'll go grab a pen and paper if you'd like?" he offers.
Upon your answering nod, he scurries off to retrieve the items. Within moments, the doctor is plopping back down at your feet, holding out a notebook and a pen. You take them, avoiding touching his hands.
Thoughtlessly, you start drawing clean, practised circles.
"Oh," you hear from just above you, the doctor's voice cracking as he says it. You look up, staring down his nose as he sniffles. Surprised, you glance up at his eyes only to find them damp with unshed tears. You worry your lip again, flipping to another page and scribbling faster.
[Won't do you any good to panic too], it reads. The doctor stares at the apostrophe, the layered o's, the divot where the t in [won't] connects to the circle for [do]. He stares at a dead language, now only recorded in the library of the TARDIS. A language even he'd begun to forget. A language down to two people, suddenly three.
[Please don't cry] you write, helplessly watching him fall apart. [I'm sorry]. You outline it over and over, echoing the statement for only the two of you to understand. You feel him sob more than hear it as he envelops you in his arms. It's firm but not tight, grounding yet yielding. You hold him back just as tightly, pressing your face into the fabric of his jacket.
Moments pass, and his hands loosen their grip on your shirt.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles, pulling away to scrub at his eyes, "This was supposed to be about you. I've made it all about myself,"
You smile at him softly.
"I don't mind," you reply. The doctor's eyes light up upon hearing your voice. "I didn't really... think that would happen. I, ah. Well, I wasn't planning on telling you about the Gallifreyan, but it clicked for me, sort of, when I was learning it? And I've been writing in it so much it was kind of auto-pilot,"
The doctor's eyebrows raise. "Hold on, you weren't planning on telling me?"
You flush, sheepish.
"I didn't want to weird you out. More than I already have, that is. I started because I thought it might cheer you up, but then I thought it seemed a bit clingy,"
"Clingy," he repeats, shaking his head in disbelief, "No, it's... it's wonderful. You surprise me every day, you know that?" He rakes a hand through his hair, smiling. "I'll think you've really outdone yourself, and within the next week, you're blowing me away again."
Your lips part. "I'm not all that special," you insist.
"Oh, you are," The doctor rebukes, grabbing your wrists, "You are, without a doubt, the kindest person I have ever encountered. And you're not some people pleaser, either - you're kind because you genuinely believe everyone - everything - deserves it. Even people who don't,"
You bury your head in his chest, pressing your tightly-shut eyes against his button-up. "Stop," you whisper.
"No," he says firmly, "You need to hear this. The first time you came in the TARDIS, you'd toed off your shoes and complimented her architecture before I told you she could understand you! And once I had, you'd started apologizing for stepping on her, for entering without her permission, as if I hadn't ushered you in moments prior! Nobody else has ever done that. I've had companions before, but none have talked to the ship at length. They haven't memorized my food preferences, let alone the textures that bother me. They haven't read treatises on time lord biology 'just in case,' baked me pastries, or knitted me scarves! You're always there for everything; reassuring, praising, and cheering me up. And," he chokes, "And you don't even notice how much it affects the people around you. How much it affects me. You give your everything and you don't ask for anything in return. You sit there, blind to how much we- I love you. Like it's all something just anyone would do. But it's not, and you know it's not, because I know nobody has ever done that for you."
You cry into his shirt, no doubt wetting the cloth. You hold him tight, still, and his arms stop gesticulating to wrap around you once more.
"So excuse me for crying at you learning a dead language for me, at you using it in the depths of your own struggles. I have never been loved like this, and it breaks my hearts that you won't allow me to love you back,"
Still sniffling, you press your warm face into the cool crook of his neck. "I," you try, voice breaking, "I'd like that. If you would. I didn't... think it was an option. That you could feel the same." You shake your head, nuzzling even further into him. "You're so wonderful, so lovely. I was scared- I am scared, to eclipse you. For you to finally say you're done putting up with me, to leave. You've become my home so quickly. I just can't help but love you, and I've been terrified every moment since I realised it. Every second you're around, I've been so afraid... I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, and I thought it was going to happen at any moment. I was so scared," you sob.
He rubs his thumb along your back, murmuring, "I've got you. I'm not letting go. Not until we both die, horribly, saving the universe."
You crack a small smile, pulling away to look up at him.
"I love you," you whisper, and the doctor - your doctor - chuckles fondly.
"I know," he replies, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, "I love you too."