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It's a scorching July evening in Sacramento. Lucy just wants to drown all her feelings in alcohol. So, when her grueling classes at Undercover School are over for the day, she plans to visit the nearest bar.
This is Lucy’s third week in Sacramento. And, even if she doesn’t admit it, she dreads returning to LA. She doesn't want to face anyone, possibly except Tamara. But not Chris, and definitely not Tim. Even the thought of Tim hurts her like a million pins pricking her heart at a time.
Lucy is darn exhausted and disconsolate about having to dress up. So she grabs the first thing she sees in her closet, which is a navy-blue denim hotpant and a hot pink crop top. These are the costumes for her UC persona Loca. She puts them on and twists her long wavey hair into a top bun, which she secures with a pink chopstick. She then proceeds to her destination, the Ten Yard Bar.
What Lucy hasn't anticipated is the amount of attention she is about to receive. She is one of those women who are completely unaware of their effect on men. She has never been concerned with her appearance or dressed to impress. She has always assumed that the right one would only value her intellect. So, even now she is completely unaware of how stunning she looks in her Loca persona.
As Lucy enters the bar, all the heads turn toward her. She doesn’t pay any heed to that. There is no man in this bar who interest her, and the one who does is a few hundred miles away physically and nearly a galaxy away mentally. She thinks. So she goes straight to the bar and orders five tequila shots. She knows five shots is a little more than her usual limit, but it is within her capabilities. She won't be overly drunk, but her sorrows will be forgotten for at least one evening. She sits at the bar counter, watching the bartender make her drinks. She somewhere still can't trust people around her drinks. Okay, except for a few exceptions, of which Chris is still not one.
A few men offer Lucy drinks, and some of them look at her funny. She quickly realizes that it must be because of her attire. She continues to deny the drinks and pays no attention to these men. The bartender then hands her the five tequila shots, which she sips one after the other. As the tequila passes down her throat, she feels a burning sensation inside. This takes her back to her rookie days when she drank tequila straight from the bottle while waiting for her impending death with Tim by her side. She thinks. Those were better times than the one she is in now. Even though back then she thought she was about to die, Tim was by her side. And any place or situation where she is with Tim is preferable to the present when he has abandoned her.
Lucy suddenly feels compelled to see Tim, talk to him, and possibly even touch him. But she is wiser than that. Tim has made it abundantly clear that he does not want her in his life. He has asked her to move on.
So, Lucy does the next best thing. She takes her phone out and begins scrolling through Tim's old text messages. She keeps these archived in a hidden folder. She did it only a few days after learning about Tim and Ashley's relationship. She sometimes reads their old texts. She reads them when she feels down or lonely. These messages have always brought her joy and she is in dire need of some right now. These are just some chaste conversations. Nonetheless, she keeps them hidden from Chris' sight. He doesn't check her phone or anything, but she wanted to keep these messages hidden from everyone. These messages are far too personal for her. These are solely hers and Tim's. Nobody has the right to see them, let alone be a part of them.
Lucy opens one of her favorite text threads. In this, Tim and she are bickering about Kojo. As she goes through their texts, she is transported to that time. She has recently graduated as a P2. Jackson was still around. Both she and Tim were recently single. Those were much simpler times because her life wasn't this complete mess. She drops her self-loathing and lets the memories of good times take over her so that she can escape her current misery.
From Bradford to Chen: Your dog is a menace, just like you are! I still curse the day you both came into my life!
Along with the text, Tim also sent a picture of Kojo, who is holding a half-eaten leather boot in his mouth. By the look of it, Lucy could guess that it was one of Tim’s leather boots. This makes Lucy smirk a little. Kojo is finally paying Tim back. She types
From Chen to Bradford: Excuse me, sir. Kojo has been my dog for not more than two days?! 😱 When someone—by someone, I mean you, the great Timothy Bradford—begged me to give you, the King of Canines, first of his name, destroyer of chew toys, Lord Kojo. You are the one who wanted to train him. So, don’t you dare blame me for your shortcomings! 😒
From Bradford to Chen: Hello, when did I beg? I even don’t know how! It was you who made those almost-crying puppy dog eyes when he turned your apartment into a war zone! I took him in out of pity. But my goodness is biting me in my ass. He is showing his true colors, like mother, like son.
Lucy chuckles when Tim refers to her as Kojo's mother. Tim's bluff is obvious to her because Kojo is Tim's lifeline. He loves that dog way too much. So, she is sure Tim is just being jovial.
From Chen to Bradford: If I am his mother, you are his dad. My boy, Kojo, here is exactly a carbon copy of his dad: big, gruff, and a whole lot of bark but underneath it, he is a sweetheart.😎
Lucy envisions Tim's face with a cute little side smile. Tim's smile just melts her heart. Tim appears to save this smile solely for her. She then receives a reply.
From Bradford to Chen: Huh! Not funny.
From Chen to Bradford: It got you smiling, though. So, I won.
From Bradford to Chen: It wasn't even a competition!
From Chen to Bradford: So, what? Still, I won. End of the discussion, I'm going to bed because my partner might have a long day with all the caffeine coursing through my veins. When I am sleep deprived, I become quite dramatic; just ask my ex-TO about it; he has firsthand knowledge! 😉 Goodnight, Tim, and remember to kiss Kojo goodnight on behalf of his mama. 😘
From Bradford to Chen: Goodnight, Lucy. See you tomorrow.
Lucy returns to the present. Everything was easy back then, she reminisces. She and Tim used to be so comfortable with each other. They could gleefully play parents to their—well, not hers anymore, but his—dog. This realization hurts like physical pain. As if someone has put a hand through her rib cage and is squeezing her heart as hard as they can. She can't breathe, and tears start streaming down her cheeks. She wishes Jackson was there. He was the only person who could have stopped her from feeling this way besides Tim. However, alas! Jackson is no longer with her, and Tim doesn’t want her anymore. This makes her start sobbing. She tries but fails to control them.
Fate has always been a dick to Lucy. So when she plans to duck out of the bar without causing herself any further embarrassment, just then, much to her dismay, a guy comes her way and attempts to introduce himself, saying, "Hi, I am Joe Moore. I saw you from my table and thought you must be in some kind of distress. May I help you in any way?" with a not-so-genuine tone of concern.
Lucy raises her gaze to Joe, ready to gently rebuff him. He is the quintessential handsome male: tall, muscular, with jet-black hair and big blue eyes. She thinks. But these blues aren't the ones she wants to get lost in. Her favorite set of blue eyes seems to be light-years away. The eyes, which early on could send her into a tailspin, have, in a weird way, become her source of power and stability. Alas! She can't glance into those anymore, not even in a harmless platonic manner. She no longer has that privilege.
Joe’s voice brings her back from Lucy's thoughts. She indicates her disinterest by moving her head in a 'no' motion. Nevertheless, he continues with a look of fake sympathy on his face. "Hey, I know life is quite difficult for girls like you. I will take good care of you. I can take you out of this vicious life of yours." Lucy asks, "What?” with a look of confusion on her face. He says, "I mean, of course, I will pay you good for your services. Don’t worry about that. I am kind of a business mogul here in Sacramento." Lucy is genuinely puzzled. She again gestures 'what' with her hands.
Joe comes closer to her, then whispers, "Listen, I know you are a hooker. And I know you need money; maybe you owe it to your pimp or something. I am just saying that I have money to help you out. I will pay you as much as you want, but my only condition is that you will be at my beck and call. See, this deal isn’t a bad one for you because, look at me, any girl will do me. I can pick up any woman, but I don’t want feelings; I just want a good fuck. Moreover, I am married and don't want to complicate things at home. But you can’t expect a man to be faithful to one woman for all of his life. Right? And anyway, I am not leaving her or anything; I will just have you as my keep. You get money, I get sex, and my wife gets to keep her husband. It's a win-win for all. So, what say?" with a wink.
Finally, Lucy realizes that she is wearing her UC persona Loca's outfit. Loca is a hooker, which is why Joe is making such an unpleasant suggestion. Despite the fact that she finds his proposal abhorrent, she tries to give him the benefit of the doubt. Of course, she is agitated by his blatant disrespect towards any woman, whatever or whoever she may be, but she is too sad and doesn't want to confront him and make a scene. "I'm not interested; I don't need your help. Don't bother me, and get out of my way," she says, gently expressing her rejection.
Joe's enormous male ego somehow gets wounded by this rejection. He grabs Lucy by her right arm almost aggressively while growling, "Bitch, I'm trying to be polite here. Because I kinda like this pretty face and hot bod of yours. But a whore like you doesn’t deserve it. Listen, I already said I'd pay whatever you want. So, stop being difficult."
Lucy takes a few seconds to recover from her initial shock. As she registers what kind of an ass Joe is, she feels a sudden revulsion, thinking how could she even remotely compare this dickhead's eyes with those of Tim’s? Her tears are now replaced with rage in her eyes. She headbutts Joe, finally pinning him down on the bar slab. She angrily spits out, "Listen, you moron. I am no hooker; I am an off-duty cop, and I arrest you on the charge of assaulting me. Furthermore, even if I were one, I did say no. Didn’t I? So, you should have backed off then and there. You had no right to force yourself on me. A "NO" is a "NO," regardless of who says it. You must understand this; a stint in prison will teach you to respect women, and you will think a million times before pulling antics as such."
Lucy is about to walk out of the bar with Joe to take him to the nearest police station when she hears someone calling her name. She turns around to find out it is Detective Noah Foster. He is a fellow trainee at the UC Academy and her only friend here. He is the only person in the class who is neither jealous of her nor hits on her. Moreover, he is also a jolly person who can make friends quite easily, just like she is, okay maybe was, a few weeks back. She notices him jogging up to her, along with Gary, a Sacramento PD officer.
"Gary has called the cops, and they are on their way. They will be here soon. You need to narrate the whole ordeal. This imbecile needs to go behind bars." Noah says. Right on cue, two patrol officers arrive along with their roving sergeant and his aide.
The perpetrator is taken into custody by the patrol officers. The aide records Lucy’s statement, as the Sergeant talks to Gary, Noah, the bartender, and a few other patrons, for the witness report. After the official formalities are done. Gary takes a leave since he is a local and stayed at his own place. Noah volunteers to walk Lucy back to the hotel where all the off-station cops are lodged during their UC Academy course. As Lucy tries to object, Noah reminds her that he is going to the same place too, and he can use some company. Lucy gives a tired smile and accepts.
As Lucy steps outside the bar and breathes the not-so-fresh Sacramento air outside the bar, her eyes fall on the sergeant and his aide. They are standing too close to one another. It appears as though they are playfully quibbling about something. Before they enter their shop, the aide begins to laugh, while the sergeant playfully rolls his eyes. As if existing in a world of their own. This floods her with memories of her and Tim. Lucy’s breathing gets strained, and she feels as if someone has punched her in the gut. She knows that while she once had what they have, she might never have it again in this life. A treacherous tear falls out of her eyes at the mere thought of it.
Noah notices her looking longingly with tears in her eyes at the sergeant and his aide. To indicate his presence, he clears his throat a little louder than usual, bringing Lucy back to the present. He tries to lighten the mood by saying, "So, shall we begin walking? Sergeant Frye will chew my head off if I don't do well in class tomorrow, and I need at least nine hours of sleep to stay awake during her class! I don’t know why that woman hates me so much!" Lucy tries to wipe the tears with the back of her palm and gives him a half-hearted laugh.
As they walk back silently toward their hotel, Lucy is awfully quiet. Noah finally breaks the silence, "Lucy, I know you are hurting. And I also know we haven’t known each other for too long. But you know what? Speaking out loud about what is bothering oneself can also be very beneficial at times. So, if you want to let something out, I am all ears." Lucy looks at Noah with tears returning to her eyes. Noah continues, "I know it has nothing to do with the asshole in the bar because I saw you crying while reading messages from some Bradford." The mention of the name Bradford makes Lucy literally bawl. She is grateful that there are not many people on the lane they have taken. "Hey, hey, I am sorry. Didn’t mean to pry. I just saw you crying when I stood next to you while ordering my drinks at the bar. I wanted to say ‘hi,' but dropped the idea when I saw your state. But Lucy, I feel you need to talk. I mean, I am no psychic, but it looks like someone has robbed you of your sunshine. So, please know that if you ever need a friend, someone to talk to, or listen to you without judgment, I am here for you.”
Lucy is still buzzed from her five shots and the adrenaline rush from fighting the pervert. She thinks. Furthermore, she does require someone to talk to—someone who's mature, someone who has experience in life. She doesn't have any adult friends, especially after Jackson and now with Tim pushing her away. She has no one to confide in about adult issues. Tamara is there, but she is not an adult. Tamara’s worldview differs greatly from hers. She also doesn't want to burden Tamara with her shit. Moreover, in the last few months, Tim has become one of the most important male figures in Tamara’s life. She does not want to jeopardize this. Tamara has informed Lucy that Tim has been calling her frequently and bringing her food while she is in Sacramento. So, she doesn't want Tamara to say anything to Tim or to distance herself from him. She knows Tamara loves her too much and will choose her over everyone, including Tim.
Lucy takes a deep breath and starts to let all her pent-up emotions out. “Bradford was my TO. Then he was promoted to sergeant, and before I came here, I used to be his aide,” Lucy states. "We'd been riding shoulder to shoulder for almost four years, and now he doesn't want me. He asked me to move on," she somehow manages to whisper through her tears. "You must think I'm an idiot for crying over an aide's job. Oops, nope, I wasn’t an aide, I was his gofer," she lets out a sad laugh.
Without saying anything, Noah just keeps looking at Lucy as if pleading her to let it all out. So, Lucy does. “You know, he made me the cop I am today; he was so strict with me, grilling me on a daily basis. Testing my limits and ensuring that I gave my 100%. People might even call him cruel, but I know he is calculative, not cruel. Over time, he became my best friend, confidant, safe space, and source of my strength. He keeps me steady. I can’t trust anyone as I trust him. When I know he has my back, I can fight the entire world. But I suppose that will never happen again. He has given up on me and asked me to move on.” She is actively sobbing now.
Noah doesn't say anything. He just hands Lucy a handkerchief, which she takes and wipes her tears. Then she continues through her tears. "You are aware that I was kidnapped by Rosalind Dyer's accomplice Caleb, yes, Rosalind the infamous serial killer, who is currently at large. Caleb had drugged me and buried me alive on a hilltop. As my last act of self-preservation, I dropped my ring, because deep within, I knew Bradford was looking for me. And you know what, Noah? He was the one who found my ring in the middle of nowhere and started digging me out with his bare hands until others came to help. He was the one who gave me CPR and brought me back to life. He waited by my bedside while I was recovering in the hospital. He helped me realize that I am a survivor and not a victim. He adopted my foster dog, which I had brought for trauma recovery but was unable to keep. He just took Kojo in because I was too bummed to return him. He once turned down his promotion so that he could finish my training.” She sniffles and continues, " When I was grieving the loss of my best friend, Jackson, he was there to hold me and put me back together. He is a sergeant, yet he puts my name first in all the arrest reports. He has always had my back, but I guess not anymore! I lost the most important person and singlehandedly screwed up the most important relationship of my life."
“You know how I messed all up? Before my life was tossed upside down a few weeks before we arrested his doppelganger who happens to date my doppelganger! What are the odds!” Lucy lets out a dry laugh. “They are drug peddlers. So, we took up this UC assignment together to arrest the drug kingpin and as we were to play a couple, we practice kissed. But that kiss moved my world’s axis, I have been kissing guys since I was fifteen, but I haven’t felt like that till date.” She sucks in a deep breath.
A fresh stream of tears rolls down Lucy’s cheeks. "We found out Rosalind had escaped while we were undercover as our criminal lookalikes, which brought back my PTSD; he held my hand and kept me calm in the presence of the criminals," she says, as if in physical pain. “To regain my composure, I kissed him in the aircraft bathroom. Later, when he asked if it didn't feel pretend, I freaked out and told him it was just basic biology. However, when he arrived at my apartment to drop me off, I invited him with the intention of sleeping with him. But... there was Chris, my boyfriend, whose wrist Rosalind had slit and left him on my couch to die."
"Noah, I was going to sleep with my superior while Chris was dying because a sick psychopath wanted to punish me," Lucy continues, her voice tinged with self-hatred. “You know. I am somewhere grateful to Rosalind for doing this to Chris. I can't believe I am saying this. But if I had slept together that day, I would have never been able to forgive myself. He has a girlfriend whom he wants to marry someday. He is someone who is too honorable to cheat. If we had gone through it, he would have loathed himself for the rest of his life. I'm relieved that he now despises me rather than himself. I can't bear the thought of seeing him broken and in pain. I don't want him to have to go through that again. He is a man of the utmost principles. As much as I hate that he has pushed me away. I'm also glad that his conscience doesn’t have to bear the brunt of what could have happened. I know it sounds contradictory and messed up. But I'm willing to bear absolutely any consequences if it guarantees he won't have to suffer. He wants me to move on and leave him alone, and I will. Even if it breaks my heart into a million pieces. I will put on a brave face and ignore him. But then I love him so much that staying away from him physically hurts." When she grasps what she has blurted out, she abruptly stops speaking. Her subconscious has always known it, but she has never had the courage to say it aloud.
When Lucy registers that they have reached their hotel. She violently wipes the tears off her face as the bellboy opens the door for them. They silently walk towards the elevator, and Noah presses the button. While they are waiting for the elevator, Noah finally speaks, "Lucy, do you think Bradford is aware of your feelings?" "I told you he has a girlfriend whom he wants to marry, and he doesn't want me," Lucy says, shaking her head in a 'no'. She carries on saying, "Moreover, it will be inhumane on my part to leave Chris now after what he has gone through all because of me. I owe it to Chris. I will have to be by his side till he will have me. I can't leave him after he almost died because of me."
The elevator door opens, and as they step in, Noah says with a soft smile, "Lucy, please stop blaming yourself. You shouldn't be one suffering. You are not to be blamed for anything. Firstly, you didn’t force Tim to do anything he didn’t want to, he is a grown-ass man. If you blame yourself, you should blame him too." Lucy tries to protest, but Noah goes on. "Second, Rosalind is a narcissistic psychopath who gets off on hurting people. It’s not your fault that she is obsessed with you, and Chris got caught in the crossfire. Listen, Lucy, I am no one to give advice. However, I believe it is unfair to a person to stay with them out of guilt or pity. I'd also say that certain relationships are sometimes worth taking a chance on because you never know if the outcome will be better than you could have imagined. When it comes to matters of the heart, bowing out is rarely a good option."
Lucy gives a painful smile as they reach her floor. She has stopped crying by now. She wishes Noah ‘good night’ and leaves. She enters her room and just goes to sleep. She is tired of all the crying and the adrenaline crash.
Next morning
When Lucy wakes up, she is reminded of her not-so-little rant to Noah. She thinks. She has humiliated herself before a guy whom she hardly knows! How could she eat his ears off by bombarding him with all her personal issues? She is almost ashamed of facing him. Memories of her loud confession of her love for Tim floods her brain. She shuts her eyes close and cusses herself. She is aware, though, that she cannot spend the entire day confined to her room. She needs to go to class. So, she drags herself out of her bed, gets ready, and makes her way to the classes. Before the classes begin, she notices Noah approaching her. She wishes the earth would engulf her. Nonetheless, she is quite aware that's not an option. So, she puts on a brave face as she gets ready to apologize for her rant last night.
“Hey Noah, I'm really, really sorry for last night,” Lucy begins before Noah can even say a word. She breathlessly continues, “I was simply too upset, tired, and worked up at the same time. However, this is no reason to assault anyone with an unwanted rant I'd just... I'd like to apologize for my actions last night.” This leads to Noah saying, " Lucy, I asked you to vent and you did. I know you needed someone to let it all out. So, just chill, okay? I am glad I was of some help to you.” Lucy jumps back into the conversation, “Thanks, Noah. Last night, you were extremely helpful and patient with me. I can't express how grateful I am.” He shrugs and nonchalantly says, "Then don’t.” He drags in a deep breath and adds, “Lucy, I'm sorry if I'm overstepping. But given everything you said last night about that Bradford of yours, it leads me to believe that he may not be as oblivious as you believe. He seems to have feelings for you too. I could be off, but...” Lucy looks at Noah with hopeful eyes and asks, “But... what?" "But what if he's also scared like you are? Maybe he feels the same, but he is just better at hiding it than you are. Who knows maybe he pushed you away to protect both of you. I just hope someday it works out for you both. I hope that when the circumstances are right, you both take the plunge without overthinking the outcome. I am team Bradford. I am shipping the heck out of you two," he says with a wink.
In response to Noah's words, Lucy's face brightens with a smile. This is her first genuine smile in days, maybe even weeks. She doesn’t want to think much, but a part of her is hopeful at the thought that someone is genuinely rooting for her and Tim, as it makes her feel that there is still a glimmer of hope. Maybe someday, when the storm has passed, and the calm has returned... Maybe, just maybe. His chuckles bring her back. "By the way, I'm going to call Loca ‘Hotpants’ in today’s class when I play Loca's pimp, Charlie. This will serve as your new nickname. Yesterday wouldn't have been as fateful without Loca's hotpants. Come on, how can we forget that a rich asshole tried to pull a Pretty Woman on you and you kicked his butt so good that he is in prison now!” he says with a smirk.
Lucy rolls her eyes in a fake annoyance and swats Noah’s arm. Then she squeals, “Noooo.... Shut up! Don't you dare call me that”. Before Noah turns to leave he yells with a grin, “as you say Hotpants.”