Work Text:
James Rhodes is an intelligent man. Sometimes, it takes him a minute to learn something (because he’s not Tony Stark, okay?), but he is a smart man, and he can understand just about anything you put in front of him.
…
That minute, though.
~
(2 Unread Messages)
15:46
Tones: Okay
Tones: So I don’t think I’m making our lunch date
Honey Bear: Tony, we’ve talked about this. Beginning a conversation with suspense is not appreciated.
Tones: Right
Tones: But seriously though, it’s not happening
Honey Bear: SUSPENSE, Tony. NOT COOL.
Honey Bear: Whatever, it’s fine.
Honey Bear: What happened?
Tones: Spider Idiot’s hurt
Honey Bear: Oh, yikes.
Honey Bear: Is he okay?
Tones: Not really
Tones: It’s not critical
Tones: But it’s not good
Honey Bear: I’m sorry, Tony. Anything I can do?
Tones: Unless you suddenly know how to parent teenagers
Tones: No
Tones: Probably not
Honey Bear: I mean, I did help with Peter that one time.
Tones: He was sick
Tones: You can’t handle him when he’s Peter Peter
Tones: Peter Peter is 100x more awake and not comatose
Honey Bear: That is typically how it goes, yes.
Tones: He’s basically an excited puppy
Tones: And you aren’t very good with dogs either so
Tones: Sorry buddy
Tones: No teenagers for you
Tones: Also
Tones: Sorry for cancelling our lunch date
Honey Bear: It’s fine. Stop apologizing.
Honey Bear: You obviously need to be with your kid.
Tones: Not my kid
Tones: A kid
Honey Bear: That you’ve spent millions on and worry about constantly?
Tones: Not my kid Rhodes
Honey Bear: Okay, okay. Not your kid.
Honey Bear: Can I do anything for the other one, then? Pick him up from school? Watch him? Get him food?
Tones: Other one?
Honey Bear: Peter?
Tones: Oh
Tones: No he’s fine
Tones: I got him
Honey Bear: You sure?
Tones: Yep
Tones: I’ll call you later okay
Honey Bear: Sure. Whenever you have time.
Honey Bear: Keep me updated on Spider Boy.
Tones: I will
23:21
Tones: Spider Kid’s awake now
Tones: Still in a lot of pain but he’ll be fine
Honey Bear: That’s good, Tony.
Tones: Yeah
Tones: Yeah it is
~
16:06
war machine: Hey, I know Tony will be pretty busy for the next couple of days. Let me know if you need anything, okay? Food, a ride, whatever.
23:48
Peter Parker: k
Peter Parker: thx rdy
war machine: Don’t mention it, kid.
war machine: Now go to sleep, it’s a school night.
Peter Parker: lol
Peter Parker: i will
Peter Parker: nite
war machine: Good night, Peter.
~
23:56
Tones: What did you do
Honey Bear: What do you mean?
Tones: The kid just told me that War Machine said good night to him
Tones: And now he can die happy
Tones: Why is my kid talking about dying
Honey Bear: Your kid?
Tones: Spider Man
Honey Bear: …
Honey Bear: I’m getting a strong sense of deja vu.
Honey Bear: Anyway. I definitely didn’t say good night to Spider-Man. I don’t even know who he is, remember?
Tones: Right
Tones: It’s probably the drugs talking
Tones: Sorry
Tones: It’s been a long night
Honey Bear: Don’t worry about it. Go to bed.
Tones: I will
Tones: Sorry again
Honey Bear: Bed, Tony.
Tones: Yep
6:32
Honey Bear: Wait.
~
James Rhodes is a very intelligent man.
And yet, he feels like an idiot, because of one idiot teenager from Queens.
He’s never going to live this one down, is he?